Sunday, September 21, 2008

The reception...

The reception was ummm.... quite interesting.
That person with the sense of humor upstairs decided to pull one final one and strategically place Ex #1 and Estelle at the table right next to the bridesmaids. Ex #2 and his wife were at the table right next to them and Ex #3 and his fiance were seated at the table right next to my friends who I happened to randomly stop by and check up on. I mean...fancy that!

By this time, I had downed my H2O, cleared my head and i had my gameface on. I mean, i was looking extra cute that day anyways so kini big deal? When the MC announced the bridal party and we had to dance in, best believe that I danced well and I looked good doing it. Haba! I wasn't about to let no damn 3 exes and thier wives ruin my day of fun.
Like my friend said after the fact, 'Mgbeke, you are a Beassssssst'. *Takes a bow*

So I danced in and noticed that Ex#1 and Estelle were seated at the table right next to me. I guess at this point I should give y'all the headsup that the this reception gist was really about them 2 lovebirds; or to be more specific...Estelle herself... and not the #2 (Not significant) or #3 (Seated farther away from me, thankfully).
I might not have been phased but I was pretty aware of them in my is only natural.
I bet this awareness must have been mutual 'cos your girl Estelle stared me down like practically all night. Or was it?
Why? She couldn't have been checking out the competition, could she? I mean...she got her man back and I 'lost out' so I definitely wasn't no damn competition.
Or was she checking to see his taste? If she was going by me then I bet she must have given him an A++. I'm just saying....
Was she threatened by my presence? *Raised eyebrow*
What exactly was the problem 'cos I kid you not when I say that Ol' girl stared me down all night. I mean, we'd have instances when my eyes would gravitate towards them 2 and like say na magic, she would happen to be checking me out. This happened like ummm...3 times? I come talk say ok, I'm not gonna look at ol' girl anymore so I made a conscious decision not to.
I was pretty busy anyway...picking up the dollar bills that off the ground from generous individuals making it rain on the couple, hanging out swag bags to guests so I kinda sorta stayed away.

But then it was time for dance, dance and even more dance and you know your girl was in the building. Any chance to dance and act a fool is always cool in my book. I hopped on the dance floor with my homegirls and us girls started to do it up. Looking back, that was one FUN wedding.
Aniwoos your girl was dancing and minding her business and small by small, I'd get comments from 1 or 2 homegirls who knew the drill...'Na wa o, that Estelle chick has been staring at you', 'Why is she looking at you?'...
Wetin consain George Bush with Okada. Me I was there dancing away and secretly liking the fact that Ol' girl was checking me out. See me see wahala o, apart from the shoutouts I gave Mr. Ex at during the intermission, I had done a good job of staying away from the foolishness so why you wan dey chook eye for my side?
Oya now...since she wanted to be doing luku luku like Lucozade, I decided to increase her viewing pleasure and added some extra jara to my dancing. LOL!
To sum this tori,
She finally hopped on the dance floor after checking me out from her little corner on her table and even while dancing with her boo, she was shooting me some quick glances. (I had my girls scoping that stuvvs for me, plus me kwa...I decided to engage in some looking of my own). :D...shey na free world? Do me I do you back, God no go vex.
At one point, my friend wanted to grab her hand and draw her closer to our circle because of the level of Luku Luku-ism that she had displayed but I quickly shut that idea down. Only grab?

Sooo somewhere along the course of the night, Oga Ex#1 finally decided that he'd introduce us. I was dancing/picking money up off the floor and he tapped me...
'Mgbeke meet Estelle'
I feigned surprise. 'Ooooh, you are Estelle huh?'...Nice to meet you.
Nice, to meet you too. She said...and that was that and back to the luku-ism. Hahahaha....

And speaking of that Ex of mine, let's not start on HIS own level of luku-lukuism 'cos I certainly peeped him. Infact i suspect I'm the star of the show in his little webcam that he was using to record the reception events. I'm just saying...

Exes and thier babymama's or not, I had a great time all in all. I remember waking up the next morning with a body quite sore from all that dancing and a smug smile on my face. Pleased to have intimidated you sweetie, please check back again.

It aint easy at all.

The end.

Monday, September 8, 2008

3 exes and a wedding.

That day I knew that someone up there must have been cracking up at my expense....

The day was a nice spring-ish day. My friend's sister was getting married and she asked me to be in the bridal train. I agreed. Free dress, free accesories, all I had to do was just show up. I imagined it would be a pretty uneventful wedding as per I didn't expect to know anyone there. Uneventful my right foot.
Oh it started out uneventful enough. Ya know the deal..walked down the aisle and played my role as one of the cute bridesmaid. Time for church to be over and us folks to walk out na...I'm walking out and I dey use my side eye to scan the crowd small and who do I see sitting right there at the end of the aisle shining his 32? Ex #1. I almost tripped in surprise, but I played it off pretty nicely. I mean..I was surprised. What was he doing there? He doesn't even live anywhere close to my hood.
So brushing that off and making a mental note to catch up with him later, we got outside and pretty much were standing around waiting for the part where we whore ourselves out for the cameras so that the lovely couple could have a bunch of beautiful pictures to show thier kiddies and grandkiddies, and who taps me on my shoulder? Ex #2. Side note:- Technically, I don't consider him to be an ex, we never had a relationship per say. Sure he was trying to holla and we went on a couple of dates but for purposes of making this tori sweet pass, I go call am Ex #2.
But back to the tori...
*Gasp*I immediately went into catch-up mode..Gave him a big hug (I hadn't seen him in like what? 1 year or so?) OMG, what are you going here, it's been ages blahblahblah. He told me that he moved to another city. I said wow! So you came to spend time with family? He said nope, that he came with his wife who happened to be someone's cousin.
Hold-up! Did I just hear what I thought I heard? Wi gini?
'Whaaaat? Did you just say wife?'He smirked at me and said 'I sure did' and then proceeded to turn around and point her out. Of course she was hovering somewhere real close to. I mean, I don' blame her. When you see some chick all enthusiastically gushing over your hubby, you best get into that FBI mode...young trifling hoochies of nowadays..LOL!I was in shock but I quickly remembered to take a step or 2 back. Married men have always been a no-no and I promise y'all I was just being friendly. Hehehehehe....
We exchanged a few more catch-up tidbits and I quickly found my square root and told him I'd catch up with him later.
In retrospect, I think he was all too happy to point his wife out seeing that I made some serious shakara for him when he used to toast me. Hahahahaha!

Meanwhile we still had Ex #1 that I had to go say hello to o. I mean..what was he doing there? It was a little intermission/mix and mingle thing while the wedding folk set up the reception hall and there was a bunch of people standing around and mingling. I made a beeline for the people carrying suya around on trays and armed with my 2 sticks of suya, I was on a mission to find that Ex of mine.
As I made my way through the all the girls posing in corners with thier short dresses and the guys posing against walls checking the ladies out, my eye fell on him, him, HIM. I repeat, someone up there was cracking the heck up at my expense. WTF was HE of ALL people doing here? Him being Ex #3. I pinched myself and took a big bite of suya hoping that I was hallucinating but no o..pinches and suya no gree for me. I sho as heck wasn't seeing things. It was Ex #3. Mind you I hadn't seen ol' dude in like what? 3 years or so? Last time I checked he lived in another hood and apart from our random catch-up convos now and then, I didn't know much of what was going on with him. I guess he could feel my eyes boring into his being 'cos he turned around and saw me.
*Activate catch-up mode*
Hoh Hem Gee. Fancy this... I said. He was like indeed, it's been what? how many years?
I asked him who he knew and he said the groom and him had gone to Law school together. Shoulda figured that was the connect. Meanwhile from the corner of my eye, I noticed some chick hovering in the background. Close enough for me to know that they came together so I kinda gave her a pointed stare and he was like 'Oh yeah, meet my fiance ****'
Fia whaaaaaat? Oh Jesus. I need a glass of water.
But I quickly composed myself and put my gameface on. 'You're You're engaged?'He was like 'Yeah, yeah... a lot of things have changed'. They shoooooo have. I mean throughout the time that we dated, he always insisted that he would NEVER get married and was damn serious about it. So me kwa, I figured ish wouldn't come to much and peaced out only to come and find out that Ol' boy don engage himself finish. Ewooooo! Yep, things don changed indeed.
But aniwoos back to my tori...I made nice with the fiance, made small talk with both of them and for the second time that day, found my square root. My mind was spinning...Looking back now, that was one funny day!
But yo, it wasn't over o. That person up there wasn't over and done with the jokes. Just when I thought that I was finally digesting all the info and getting used to being in the same space with 3 exes and 2 significant others, who do I run into? The much sought after ex #1...and no, there was no woman hovering in the background 'cos trust me I did a quick scan. We hi-hi'ed it up. (I had seen him within the last 12 months or so, so I didn't have to go too much into the catch up mode). Asked him what he was doing at the wedding, caught up on some random gist and I promised to catch up with him later.
So I walked out and was chilling with my homegirls in the cut, you know staying out of the way of the 'razzi's and all that media attention when I noticed him walk around my way with a woman on his arm. Oh I was all eyes and ears (UnderG of course)...he walked over to the group of girls standing behind us and introduced her.
'Meet Estelle** (For purposes of this tori)
I stood very still for that nano-second as I quickly put 2 and 2 together.
Estelle? That same Estelle? No really, the same Estelle?? WOW! No blame am o, her role in the interruption of me and him was pretty innocent and in retro, they had wayyyyyyyy too much history for me to even try to hold a torch to alladat. I mean, they are married now....But wow, that was the final straw for me and at that point I really did take a time out session to escape somewhere and down a tall, cool, glass of H2O while I asked the person up there if he/she had any more jokes up thier sleeve.

I mean damn! The reception hadn't even started yet....