Thursday, April 30, 2009

Stuff Britigerians/Naija people like

In my rant about Nigerians, I promised to come back and do a post dedicated to my britico people. I've decided to include Naija folk too 'cos in some areas y'all just as guilty.

For purposes of this post: Naija folk= Nigerians living in Naija.

I was going to put off doing this post, but I got new inspiration after viewing some particularly scary pictures of masquerades women at a party. I mean like damn! Their makeup was on some straight up scary ish. Upon viewing the pics, I said I bet these chicks are Jand chicks...and sho' nuff, ya girl was right!
And since we are discussing women, our numero uno item on this list is:

1. Warpaint Makeup: Britigerians/Naija folk like to approach the concept of applying makeup like they are going to war. What is up with the 4 layers of caked on foundation, the heavily penciled in eyebrows, the oh so obviously fake lashes and what have you? I am convinced that you can always spot a britigerian from afar just based on their makeup. I once went bowling with a group of people, and 2 of the girls in the mix showed up with a full face of makeup. I mean, the makeup sef would have been inappropriate for the was just too much. I peeped them and thought to myself...'these chicks must be from jand' and sho' nuff they were introduced as someone's cousins from London. All I could do, was mentally chuckle.
As for Naija chicks...all I have to say is spend some time in the homeland and peep how these chicks are always ready for war. A trip to Everyday supermarket= A full face of makeup.
A trip to the drycleaners= A full face of makeup.
It got so bad that my friend swore that she stopped wearing white shirts in Lagos because after hugging everyone that she met along the way, by the time she went home her shirt was stained with random chicks' MAC, Covergirl, Bobbi Brown and what have you...and ol' girl never wears make up o.
Anyway I no blame babes sha, you might meet your husband anywhere so one always has to be prepared.

2. An extra full head of cascading curls/lacefronts that look like an animal died while crawling towards their foreheads: I mean come on people, what is up with that extra big hair that y'all be doing? Or those ridiculous looking lacefronts? There are lacefronts, and there are lacefronts. There are weaves, and there are weaves. That jacked up and overdone looking ish just adds to that overall barbie doll wey miss road look. Oh and let's not even start with the blue/green/yellow contacts. Tsk...tsk...tsk.

3. Typing with missing vowels: This one doesn't even make sense. People text you with ish like this--> 'am cumn ova 2 ur hse n i wnna c u' or 'lukn gud chica' and I'm just like amazed. Are vowels becoming extinct? If so, someone let me know so that I can launch a 'Save the vowels' campaign. A repeat offender in Nigeria tried to justify this by explaining that you are only allowed 300char per text, at a rate of N15 per text and most peeps didn't wanna spend more money than neccesary so they shortened the text. Ok, ok I hear ya but does Facebook charge N15 per wall message? Does MSN charge N15 per chat sentence? More importantly, how does it affect Britigerians, since they are the main the main repeat offenders and I'm sure the British government doesn't charge 15p per text? So many questions, so little answers.

4. Baffing up unneccesarily: Nigerians are the major culprits here. They say that it is better to be overdressed, than underdressed but man, folk to taking that one to the next level shaaaa. Gotta head out to Silverbird to catch a flick or the tailor to drop off come clothing for adjusting? Make sure you pack all your trends into one outfit o and give them your best sunday baffs. Ah ah! Make sure you incorporate the huge abortion belt, rubber wetlook leggings or a high waist mini skirt into your outfit. LOL...oh and don't forget to add 2-3 cocktail rings o!
I even hear say some babes for Naija dey give knee length boots and leather skirt to head out to a casual place. I mean, first things first...why are you wearing boots and a leather skirt in 100 degree weather? Once again, so many questions, so little answers.

5. Labels: Britigerians/Nigerians love labels. More importantly, they love labels that the whole world can see, so it will be pretty common that on your next trip to Jand/Naija, 7 out of 10 girls will be carrying logo bags; Coach being the most common of course, then Louis Vuitton and Gucci. Who cares if it's the authentic ish, or if it's the Canal street version. Any logo will do.

6. Raving about Nandos and looking down on ASOS: This applies to the Britigerians. This Nandos ehn? we no go hear word o. I musto chop this Nandos when next I enter that London side. Oh, and notice how Yankee folk like me look at ASOS and think the stuff is cute, the typical Jand person will turn up their nose and say 'Hmmmph! their stuff is kinda cheap'. I guess ASOS = America's Forever 21?

7. Weird sayings: Britigerians again. What is 'High street', 'I fancy you', 'The loo', 'Innit', 'Yeah' at the end of every sentence etc etc etc. Britigerians talk 'funny', and I always imagine that bloggers such as Word Merchant, Afrobabe, Shona, RocNaija, Scribbles, etc etc all talk pretty 'funny'. I read their blogs with a british accent in my head. :-D

8. That 'Jand Awon boy' look, as Bumight will say...You know the look now. Naija peeps kwa dey do am. It may involve some skinny pants. It may involve a velvet blazer, oh it definitely involves a popped collar here and there. Infact I am convinced that these culprits keep a steady supply of starch for such popping purposes. It may involve a shirt, unbuttoned in the right places to show a peek of a hairy chest or two. It involves quite a bit of combinations of things that in all honesty, just amaze me.
PS:- In my heart, I just know that Danny Bagucci isn't your typical jand awon boy. :-D

9. Doing effizy stuvvs like going to Jand for a weekend to shop (My Naija folk), hitting up Yankee for a weekend to shop (Jand folk), and then casually mentioning it in passing: These Naija/Jand peeps hold pay o. Abi now? I haven't come across many Yankee folks who be dashing off to Naija/Jand for a weekend talkless of to shop. Oh and it's particularly funny when Jand peeps come to Yankee and they shop. You go the store and you see Oil of Olay bodywash for $7. The jand person will say 'Oh wow, that's just 3 pounds' or 'MAC foundation for $25'...'Oh wow, that's just 13 pounds'. Meanwhile we Yankee people go enter Jand, dey hold our moni tightly. We go enter store and see a nice pair of jeans for 30 pounds...'damn, that's $60' and quietly put it back. You go even sweat to buy a drink in the club after you don calculate the pound to dollar exchange rate. Funny stuvvs sha!

10. *EDIT* Ending emails with XX or XO and saying 'Hey babes' as opposed to 'Hey babe'. (Thanks Taynement ): This is word! Britigerians/Nigerians will always sign off on emails, FB messages, texts and the like with 'take care x!' or 'Talk to you later babes, xx'. Till today I still wonder where that XX and XOXO came from. Anyone care to edumacate me?
Where did 'Babes' come from? Although I must admit that me kwa, I have picked up on the 'Babes' thing as opposed to 'Babe'. Hehehehehe

P.S:- If the shoe fits, wear it and laugh. If it doesn't, hurrayyy!

P.P.S:- Yankeegerians are perfect. Don't hate... :-o

Friday, April 24, 2009

I rep Naija.

I was lurking on Nefertiti's blog one day and I noticed that her mental perception of me, among other things was 'Naijacentric'.

E mi ke? Naijacentric?
I have never considered myself to be the commander in chief of promoting all things Nigerian. Infact, at this stage I am one of those people who have no grand plans of moving back to Nigeria and turning things around, as most of my peers appear to do.

But I love and miss my home. There is truly no place like home!

I was driving on the '95 one day with my dearest mama who came to visit, and she grumbled 'why do you follow these big trucks so closely'?
To which I laughed and said 'Hmmm mommy if this was Naija now, that truck would have 10 men sitting at the back staring right at you, and some Christian slogan like 'No weapon formed against me shall prosper'
No be so?

These are a couple of things that I love and miss about Nigeria/Being Nigerian.

  • As I said on Nice Anon 's blog the other day, only Nigerians will come up with all kinds and sorts of yabs. 'You are nothing but a hanging pant under my feet'...abeg o! How does a hanging pant end up under your feet? OR 'Please go and brush your teeth before talking to me', 'Idiot of no economic value'...ha niile. Bwahahahahha, Nigerians will not kill me with these yabbis oooo. Shuoooo.

  • Nigerians are cocky and arrogant. We act like say na our papa wey dey run the show, I mean can you guys imagine if Barack Obama had Nigerian roots as opposed to Kenyan roots? Chim O! We for no hear word again for this America. I remember those college days when we'd go for our African Students Association meetings, as soon as Naija peeps enter the room you go know. Loud ass mofos! You just can't help but love it.

  • I miss the general hustle and bustle of Naija. Abusing/Cursing out Okada men who try to hit your car, and God forbid you're a single woman driving a Mercedes Benz, na so the Okada man go tell you say 'Ashewo, you no even dey dey ride big man's benz' in the dodoyo would assume that na Ariztos runs wey land you that kain fine car. Like I said, you can't help but not love those yeye exchanges when you sit and think about it.

  • I miss boli and fish, authentic suya (Not this overpriced chit they sell here), buying sweet agbalumo on the road (remember how they said that if you chew the skin, it will turn into gum?), Mr. Biggs fried rice...yummy! And all those tasty goodies that even if dem get am for obodo oyinbo, it just tastes so much better back home.

  • I miss hearing those bus drivers shouting 'Aba road, Aba road 10 Naira' (PH standup!) but I don't miss actually getting on the bus and then the yeye conductor would be collecting money and say things like 'Psssst, fine girl...wey ya money?' , I actually do miss the Okada rides sha. In Uni I used to enjoy taking Okada from the main gate to my department...woohooo, breeze go just dey blow well well...Shuoooo I no go front o jare.

  • I miss the generosity of my fellow Nigerians. Uncles and Aunties would come to your house and 'raise you' or 'sponsor you' with money for no in 'take this N10,000 for transport'. Abeg which kain transport dey cost N10k? Na to carry that moni catch 'drop' for 1k and pocket the remaining N9k o jare. As ladies, if you went out with guys, it was always a guarantee that you never had to reach into your own pockets to pay for jack! Infact ehn, the Christmases wey I dey enter Naija...I hardly ever touch the money that i carried as pocket money. Sponsors just plenty...Abeg awoof dey good o jare, no look me with that kain side eye. You know you miss it too.

  • I used to enjoy going with my mom to the market to shop for my school provisions and pricing the goods. All those Aba boys would say stuff like 'Sister, come now...I get am for my shop. Which one wey you want? And then they would try to inflate the price of the good of course, to which my mother would start pricing down. 'I go pay N500 o', Aba boy would respond 'Mba Aunty, 55o na my last price'...then my mother would get up like she wanted to walk away and Aba Boy would call her back...'Oya Aunty come back, I go collect 500'. Classic!
    Or is it the Aba boys that would try to sell baffs to you? 'Sister, come na I get one fine pedal pusher wey dem just send from London, the thing go just match this ya yellow leg well well' or 'Aunty, come see this hipsters for my store...I go give you special price for am'

  • I miss the most basic things like going to buy phone credit from the girl across the street, knocking on people's gate and asking 'Is Mary at home?', all the househelps and drivers with names like Comfort, Peace, Blessing, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday...LOL

  • I used to enjoy going to bend down boutique sha. Again, no frontin'...if man pikin can shop at the thrift stores here, why sleep on bend down boutique? Yo, Oil Mill market in PH had some of those good finds. But the heelarious thing was as per we dey form big ghelz we would hella wake up extra early to enter that side plus all the really good stuff was usually gone by noon, and man...if you saw other chicks that you knew na to quickly duck into the nearest stall and wait for them to pass. The next day, na to rock the baffs well well and when people asked 'Cute top, where did you get that from? you would just bone face and say 'Oh this? I got it from Collectibles'. LMAO...why was Collectibles like the ultimate place to shop sef?

  • I actually miss those Mama put peeps. Yo, don't give me that look...when you go to Uni in Naija, you end up doing a bunch of stuff that you might have otherwise frowned upon. I remember those days between lectures where we would have long breaks. Na to enter back gate and hit up Aunty K to get some of that good ol' authentic food! Takeaway of course, you know say gbo gbo big ghelz like us can't be caught eating the food in the spot. We'd take it back to someone's room and dig in....ahhh memories.

  • I miss partying in Naija. I still say that the social scene back home is wayyy more popping than this ish around these parts. In reference to Uni again, I swear we used to go clubbing on some very random days. Like who goes clubbing on tuesday night? lol. But yo, why did I just have this memory of those random parties that I attended while I was in secondary school and they would do the 'all boys out'. Hahahahaha, oya male bloggers make una come confess o! Which of you wey dem bounce after 'all boys out'? Oh and for anyone who is lost, all boys out was pretty much something that was done at parties where the male to female ratio was greater so the organizers would call 'all boys out', pretty much bouncing all the dudes out of the party while the chicks waited inside and then only the correct guys/correct looking guys/friends of the host were let back in and the wack dudes/inshi men/chewing gum boys had to find their square root.
LOL. I miss home for real.
So, what do you miss about the homeland?

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The battle within...

Like most other people in this world, there are 2 people within me fighting to get out and shine their light to the world.
One of them is the perpetual sinner who just wants to have fun, fun, FUN.
The other one is the good christian girl.

Most times, the perpetual sinner wins. She takes long leave of absences from church, and in general lives her life in a manner that goes against everything that God wants.
Other times, the good christian girl wins. In fact you know what? I can't even say that she wins...she wants to win and she almost always makes it till perpetual sinner catwalks in and steals the show. Back to square one baby!

Sooo these days, that good christian girl within has been pushing to get out. You see, somehow in my heart of hearts I know that is who I ultimately want to be, but then I get lazy/other things seem more appealing/I dunno...*shrugs*
I took another mini hiatus from church. Well this one wasn't planned, I really was out of town some weekends and just plain tired after going out on Saturday night and hitting the sack at 5am on Sunday morning the other weekends. (See the perpetual sinner's influence?). I finally made it back to church post hiatus and man o man, I was thinking 'why haven't I been coming sef?'. I felt like the message was what I needed to hear, and check this...somewhere in between it all, I felt some kind of inner peace creeping up on me and just lifting all my burdens of the last couple of weeks off my shoulders, and I felt so overwhelmed by it all that I, the Original Mgbeke of the dry tear ducts actually cried. Whaaaat? I never cry for since when did I start crying in church. I quickly attributed it to PMS sha and I'm sticking to that story. :o

But on the reals, I constantly wonder why I take mini-hiatuses from church because most times that I go, I love it. I do love my church and I enjoy praising, worshipping and generally being in God's presence. Left to me, I'd be in church everyday sef just to get that spiritual refreshment that will energize me and keep me going for the rest of the day. I don't know how to explain it jare...
I know some people might read this and think of the times they spotted me downing 4 shots of patron and scoff at everything that I've written so far, but I'm being serious here.

I mean for instance, I've always toyed with the idea that one day in my future I will end up being a deaconess at someones church.
At my current church, when they made the announcement that people interested in 'workers training' (training to be a church worker) should sign up after church, I actually considered it for a good minute. I thought, 'hmmm I would like to be an usher actually...' and then the Perpetual sinner within popped up...'Yeah right! You as usher? Psssh you ain't ready...' and true talk, I didn't feel ready.

I understand that you don't have to be Jesus Christ to work in church, in fact a lot of people sign up to work in the church as a means of strengthening their spiritual lives by praying with and being around people with similar interests but I've alreadys felt that people who work in the church are pretty much representatives of the church and so if you the church usher/protocol (I go to RCCG) is spotted up in the club dry humping some chick, how am I supposed to view you and what you are trying to represent? I don't know that you are a 'struggling' christian. To my outsiders eyes, you are Amina who works at X church grinding it up on Saturday night and jumping and waving in worship bright and early on Sunday morning. But that's just my very black and white POV...and this is besides the point o jare. The main the main matter be say, I no ready to be shush worker.

However, good christian girl is kinda sorta ahead of the game right now. Imagine, I went to the library a couple of days ago and as opposed to my usual chick lit...OK make I no lie. I mean, in addition to my usual chick lit, I got a whole bunch of christian literature. In fact the person checking out my books might have thought I was bipolar if he had paid close attention to my selection. 'The lady, her lover, and her lord' and the next one was 'Home wrecker'. Ha Ha!

I'm starting to ramble...I don't know what I'm trying to say here.

I don't know how long this will last, or when perpetual sinner will attempt to steal the show again but for now, I am enjoying this...
Whatever it is....


*For Zena: Apart from the Christian Lit, I got 3 Jodi Picoult books...' Change of heart' (This is REALLY good, didn't finish it the last time so I got it again) 'Mercy' and 'Keeping Faith'.
'Love the one you're with'- Emily Giffin
'Homewrecker'- Dwayne S Joseph

Bye Bye Blogroll

In a random and very impulsive moment, I deleted my blogroll. I may regret it tomorrow, but at that moment it felt oh-so good! It still does.
You see, the essence of the 'Eze goes to school' list was to organize the blogs that I like and constantly want to check up on and possibly be the numero uno to shout 'FIRST' when someone updates.
On the other hand, I felt that the darn list was putting me in a BOX. All I seemed to be reading was bloggers in my blogroll, and not paying much attention to much of anything else save for the occasional new folk who stumbled across mine and left me a comment, then I would return to their blogs and check them out as well. True, blogging/reading blogs takes up so much time but there are so many bloggers out there who write beautifully and speak with much wisdom and I don't wanna miss out on those people just 'cos I'm sticking to my regular routine.
May I use this opportunity to shout the lovely Uchenna out? I enjoy reading what she has to say, and that is true talk.
Note to Uchenna: Abeg fix your comment box! I can't leave comments for some odd reason.

And then, I thought about how if a blog was on my roll and I was on their roll, did it mean that I was obligated to comment on every damn post they make as a way of marking my presence? If someone made an entry like 'I went to the grocery store', why the hell do I gotta respond with 'Oh nice! what did you get?'...wetin consain me with you and the grocery store?

I ask because there's been some bloggers on the roll, who also have/had me on their own rolls and who I may have visited their blogs regularly because I was interested in what they had to say, and they checked mine out randomly/when the mood hit but I hella see them as regulars on everyone else's blog, and you know what? I will admit that initially I was taking that ish personally and then it dawned on me like 'Maybe this person just isn't interested in what I have to say today', 'Maybe my tori is too long and folk have ADHD', or 'Maybe they just aint feeling the tori today' and ya know, I aint even mad at that.

It's a free world, and blogsville is just as free as the world is. We are free to talk about whatever we want to talk about, be it 'I went to the grocery store and bought an apple' or 'I had an out of body experience yesterday morning'. We are free to visit whoever we want to visit, we are free to read who we want to read, and we are free to stumble across a blog or 2 and decide 'I can't relate to this ish' and click the red X at the top right hand of your computer screen.

I'm still gonna read who I read and comment if I want to comment, but I'm not bound by a blog update schedule or a list. I'm gonna click on random names in random people's comment boxes, just to see what they gotta say.
I'm gonna check out more people's blogrolls and hopefully find some more hidden treasures.

I'm gonna do what I do, comment where I want to comment and not even take the ish personally if folk don't return to comment. Me being interested in what you have to say today, don't mean that you have to be interested in my own tori. Abi now?

A new blogroll may pop up, I may decide that I'm tired of looking for folk but for now, it's gone with the wind.

And with that said, happy happy blogging y'all.

Peace & Love.

P.S:- I miss my Godsis... Ms. Sula. If any of you is hiding her, I say before I open and close my eyes, release am o!

P.P.S:- I have so much stuff swirling around in my head, you may see way more frequent updates.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

What makes YOU a good friend?

In my random perusal of random blogs, I've noticed that quite a few folk are talking about friendships. People are discovering the 'plastic' friends, people are discovering the shady folk, people are discovering the man wrapper friends, people are hurt by such tomfoolery and have come to blogsville to air their grievances.

I also noticed that in most of these people's comment boxes, a whole bunch of folk have co-signed with comments like 'I feel you girl, all these fake friends' or 'I just cut some peeps off too'. Hey, no pointing fingers here...I just observed.

But I want to challenge anyone who is reading this. Answer me this Q...

What makes YOU a good friend?
Let me also challenge you to reply to this one: What might one see as Red flags when it comes to you? i.e What might make one consider you to not be a good friend?

What are those special traits and characteristics about you that make you a jewel in the rough, and someone that another individual should treasure for the rest of her life?

C'mon...indulge me! I know a bunch of folk are walking on this earth considering themselves to be the best thing since sliced bread, and God's gift to men and women... :-p

And ya know what? Since I asked the Q...imma also answer the Q. You see? Leadership by example...teeheeheee.

In my mind: What makes me a good friend?

  • To the best of my ability, I try to be there for my peoples. I think that this is one of my greatest attributes. If you need a listening ear, a helping hand, or a shoulder to cry on, I will be there. I'm far from judgemental so I'm good to listen to the scandalous bits and pieces that you might normally be ashamed to disclose. Hey! I've had my scandalous days too.
  • I will give you the shirt off my back (Only If I'm wearing a tank top underneath o... :-D). Basically I'm saying if I have $40 in the bank and all my bills are paid, and I fit afford am...$20 goes to you. You gotta do this ish with common sense ya know...
  • I'm pretty generous. I'm the kind of person who will go out and see something that I think you may like, and buy it for you just because...I don't wait for birthdays/holidays to show my constant love and appreciation for my peoples.

  • I will fight some of your battles. Notice that I said some o... If you're beefing with Tinuke over some trivial chit, NO I will not follow you and beef with Tinuke. This is not elementary school. However, if Tinuke slept with your husband/killed your mama/tiffed your boy/man from under your nose or some other really grievious sin, then your fight becomes my fight and Tinuke is dead to me!

  • I will not date your ex-boyfriend or marry your ex-husband. They say never say never, but this is in my friendship code of conduct, and so far I haven't broken the rule. Yeah yeah, men are scarce, every girl for herself etc etc but errrm NAH!

  • If I have a problem with you, I will let you know. I believe in the term 'Never go to bed mad' and this applies to everybody. I won't internalize the 'beef', and tell Amaka about how you pissed me off. Rather, I will approach you and tell you how you pissed me off, and hopefully we can move on from there.

  • Your secrets are my secrets. And even if we fight, and never talk to each other for the rest of our lives, your secrets are still my secrets. I will not run the streets telling the world how you had 3 abortions in college or about that threesome in cancun. LOL

  • I won't forget about you 'cos I'm all boo'ed up. I still remember my peeps! Afterall, his a-s-s might dump me, and then whose shoulder will I cry on?

  • Last but not least, I come DRAMA-FREE. This is so essential in friendships and I'm as simple as they come. (This one isn't even in my mind, na true talk). Whatever it is, I will brush it off and not cause a scene 'cos you know what? Life is too short for that foolishness!

These are what come to mind for now, note that I my mind. Therefore a friend might be reading this, and scoff at everything I just typed. Na she/he sabi...if you no come tok anything to me, then na your own wahala be that.
I think that I must be doing a pretty good job, 'cos save for the random person or two...most of my friends have been around for quite a while and are still around. Infact I think this might be the reason why as I've gotten older, I find it harder to make new friends...'cos I'm so used to my comfort zone and my personal peoples. For instance, I have known my oldest friend for about 15 years...She is my heartbeat (pet name for her).

And, in my mind: What might make me not such a hot friend?

  • Let's go back to the fighting battles thingy. In all honesty, a lot of times I come off as 'neutral' to situations and 'on the fence'. Meaning that if you and Tinuke are beefing because she's annoying, or something of that trivial nature (to me), I'm not gonna beef Tinuke. Infact, I may see her and wave hello...abeg, wetin consain me with you and Tinuke's petty battles? Or your ex, who cheated on you? While I may not support his cheating ways, if he sees me on the street and says hello, imma say hello right back to him. Common courtesy o jare, But some may see these as disloyal, and me not being a true down a-s-s chick.

  • I tend to give people a lot of space when they act moody or they are having a 'moment'. I just can't deal with such mood swings and such so I just withdraw and wait for them to get over whatever it is. This might not be viewed as a good thing.

  • I hate babysitting. We are at a party, and you are having a bad night? I'm sorry but I'm not gonna let you ruin my potentially good night so I will leave you be, and go and get my dance on. I guess a better friend would try to see what is going on, and sit around holding your hand? You tell me...

  • I tend to keep things moving real quick! You cut me off? I won't beg you, and I won't try to see what is going on. I will kuku leave you hard feelings though.

So in general, I'm not trying to paint myself as a perfect person. I'm far from perfect, and so when I see people blogging about how they are mad about certain things/friendships I try to see where the other person may be coming from. Is the person being accused just misunderstood? Has the complainant approached this person and stated their wahala? Or did they just write the person off as being 'fake' or a 'plastic' without even trynna see their POV?

I'm not even trynna downplay whatever it is that people are mad about. I was just speculating 'ere. I do realize that some people are just TRIFLIN' and trust me, I'm not naive and I am aware that such shady people in this world don't wanna see you happy, people who are out there backstabbing you, people who can't wait to move in on your happy relationship and so they spread gist about you to your man and such shady business.

Remind me to give a special offering next sunday. A thanksgiving offering for the fact that I've been prettty fortunate enough to not have encountered these kind of 'friends' on a deeper level. Thank you Jesus!

*Crosses fingers and prays that I don't have to eat my words later on*

Friday, April 17, 2009

Let me try my hand at this...

Thank you guys for your comments on the last post. At least I know that I am not alone, and I am trying to make some small changes here and there. i.e The last 2 days of my work week, I actually made an effort to get into work like 30 mins earlier and I skipped the gym and used that opportunity to do some stuff that I had been putting off...etc etc. Thanks a bunshes, I am a work in progress but I dey try!

Moving on, I decided to try my hand at this. If your blogname didn't show up, no vex abeg. I pretty much went with names that would flow with the general concept.

This being...

I was fresh off Delta airlines flight #2587. It had been a looong flight from Hartsfield-Jackson Intl to Murtala Muhammed Intl and I was just happy to be home. As soon as I hopped off the plane, I headed to the ladies room to freshen up, I mean after all this was Lagos, you always had to look on your A-game 'cos you just never know who you would run into.
When I was done with the ladies, I headed towards baggage claim to retrieve my luggage and that was when I saw her. A couple of things made me notice her instantly...for one, she was what I would describe as a Mochahourglass...all 5'8 and some change of flyness! I mean, the babe SET and I was convinced that if I tried hard enough, I could sit a cup on that booty. She just had it like that. She was also talking really loudly on her cell phone with no regard for the people around her, from what I gleaned from her conversation she was upset that her cousin wasn't going to make it to the airport on time to pick her up.
Once i got over her hotness, I was instantly turned off by her loudness. Without even interacting with her, she immediately struck me as one of those Nigeriandramaqueens. Sooo not my type of chick...
She wrapped up her conversation, and turned to observe the people around her. As luck would have it, she spied me standing a few feet away from her and walked over towards my direction.
Lawdy lawd, I hope she's not trying to come and talk to me.
The Lord wasn't seemed.
Hey girl, these baggage claim folk sure are taking their time aren't they?
I was amazed by how upfront she was.
Yeah, I guess they are.
Hmm Hmm, what's your name?
Omo ibo ehn?
No kidding. It took a huge effort to not roll my eyes.
LOL, you're sarcastic! I love it.
Anyway my name is Ladi.
Nice to meet you Ladi. I hoped she was done so I could get my bags and get the heck out of there.
Well, it seems like you're not in the mood to chat right now. (No shit, captain obvious)'s my card sha. Call me if you're looking to get into anything while you're in town. I'm in the entertaynement/promotions business so I'm usually a go-to person for what's popping off around these parts.
Cool, thanks for looking out. I will call you if I'm looking for what to do one of these weekends. (As-if!)
I mean seriously, the plan was to dump her card in the trash as soon as I walked out of that airport, but I guess in the hustle and bustle of things I got caught up and simply forgot...

Fastforward 2 weeks later...
I had seen my peeps, I was kinda getting tired of being cooped up at home with the family and I was itching to get out there and shake my thang on someone's dance floor. I had texted and flashed everyone but peeps was dulling, and then I suddenly remembered ol' girl from the airport...Ladi or something. That craze chick, hmmm I sure say I wan hang with the babe? Then again I figured that she could just recommend a spot and that would be that. I dug around in my bag, fished out her card and decided to give her a call...
Hello Hey,'s Uchenna from the airport.
Oh heyyy girl, I remember you alright. This one wey you call me today, which goat I go kill?
Hahahaha, you got jokes girl...Look I'm kinda bored tonight and I was wondering what was popping off in this city.
Ahh my sister, you no get problem. Club
L-VII is the place to be at tonight, DJ Ovin is going to be spinning and D'banj and some of his Mo Hits crew members are making a guest appearance...
Oooh, that sounds like fun. I think I'll check it out for sure.

Oh yeah you definitely gotta be there. But how do you plan to get there? I can send me driver to scoop you up if you don't want to bother with driving there and all that good stuff.
I know how Lagos traffic can be for you JJC's...
Driver ke? Na so this babe go carry me do Otokoto...abeg o! Awww that's really nice of you, but i'm good. I'll probably drive or I'll ask my cousin to take me. Ok, no probs. I'll see you there!

As soon as I hopped off the phone, I called my cousin and asked if he could take me to the club and as luck would have it, he and his boys were in some random corner of Lagos and he couldn't drive back to my end.
Before I hung up, he said...'I wonder why you chicks are heading to L-VII, me and the boys are going to be at Baroque and you know they will want to meet you and your friends.
Whatever jare, I said, and hung up.

I then tried calling my brother but he didn't pick up.
Dammit, I thought! I wasn't trying to drive in this night...abeg I really was kinda sorta like a JJC when it came to these things o. But dang, a sister was itching to go out...

I sucked it up, and hit Ladi up again.
Heyyy, does that offer still stand?
Yep! Just give me your address and he'll be on his way shortly.

I rattled my address off to her, thanked her for her generosity and went to get ready...

1 hour later, my younger sister came to report to me that a black range rover was packed in my father's driveway. I figured it was Ladi's driver, and I got my stuff together and did one last check in the mirror. I must admit, I was looking pretty fly in my Danny Bagucci black bandage dress, my Ovay West strappy stilettos and my SollomonSydelle shoulder strap bag. Hotness! I stepped out of my father's house and was instantly oppressed by the black range. The car had black tints was sitting on 22's, chick even had the vanity plates that read Qmoney. No be small Qmoney, I could tell this Ladi chick was one of those babes wey dey RocNaija well well. Infact I even wondered whether the babe na Arizto babe... but hmmph, abeg wetin consain George Bush with Okada? I was just trying to have fun tonight and that was that! I jejely entered the car, balanced well well and enjoyed my 30 minute ride to her crib.
When we got to her crib, she was ready and waiting for us...I must say she too was killing it in black leather skinny pants and she claimed she got during her last trip to Paris, and a black sequinned Bob-Ij tank top. Babes was looking hot, and ready to mingle...

When we pulled up to the club, Ladi asked her driver to drop us right in front of it...apparently she had V-I-P passes so we didn't need to stand in line, or pay for that matter. I was already liking the chick, see gbo gbo big ghelz stuvvs. The club was liveeee, DJ Ovin was spinning Yung Berg's song 'Dabizniz' , and I could spot people getting down on the dance floor.
Ladi led me to the V-I-P section where D'banj, Wande Coal and 'em were chilling and I met some of her friends. One chick in particular stood out to me, she was a brownskinnaijachick who reminded me of one of those Afrocentricbabes with her long dreadlocks and kumbaya looking style of dressing. I especially loved her makeup and I when complimented her on her aqua eye shadow, she confessed that she was an eyeshadowjunkie and promised to show me some of the spots in Lagos where I could cop some.
I also met a cutie, he was tall, dark and not your typical pretty boy which was totally my cup of tea. Said his name was Olu and he was a web data collector by day, and a promoter by night.
So, what do web data collectors do? I asked..
Oh we basically get paid to make web rounds by surfing the web and collecting data from random websites.
Hmmm, sounds interesting...

We danced to a couple of songs, swapped numbers and promised to call each other...
I mean, I was having too much fun and I was loving the hell out of Ladi at the moment...

Speaking of Ladi, where she was she sef? I did a quick perusal of the club and spied her in one corner all wrapped up in some dude's arms. Hmm Hmmm, I ain't mad atchu girl, get yours...and I continued to catch my fun...

To be continued.

*How did I do for a first attempt?
** Mochahourglass and DJ Ovin aren't 'bloggers' per se, but anything to light a fire under their serial commenting/lurking asses to start blogging. :D

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Organized Chaos

A lot of people who have gotten a chance to peep my personal space always comment on how organized I seem to be. One of my friends even went as far as to claim that I can be anal. I agree...externally, everything has to be in place, spic and span.

Internally, I'm one extremely disorganized person.
I'm that girl who is always dashing out of the house in the mornings at the last possible second in an effort to make it to work on time.

I'm a HUGE, HUGE procrastinator. I procrastinate on EVERYTHING including going to bed, and waking up. (Snooze button, anyone?). Infact I think the only reason why I pay my rent/bills on time is to avoid eviction/a bad credit score 'else I'm sure those ones kwa would suffer from my procrastination.
Let me give you some instances...

  • I procrastinated on renewing the registration for my car, until I got a warning while my car was parked. A cop had driven by and noticed my expired tags.
  • As we speak, my library books are overdue. I procrastinated on calling in to renew them.
  • I procrastinated on getting my car tested for emissions till I got a notice from the MVA threatening to suspend my registration.
  • I was always the kid in college who pulled all nighters doing homework/studying for exams that I should have started studying for weeks ago.
  • I even procrastinate on reading blogs and responding to comments...
I know, I know. I'm just terrible with this.

I procrastinate on responding to emails, FB messages and returning calls. This in turn gives people the impression that I'm bad at keeping in touch, when that isn't the case. I'm usually just trying to catch up with the rest of my everything in my life that I am behind on. I spent the Easter weekend with family and as soon as I walked into my Aunt's house, everyone jumped on me with the accusation:- 'You don't call/You never return calls'.
*Sigh*, sometimes I think that I just need a break from my reality.
However, on a lighter note I decided that I didn't wanna turn into those people who claim 'I'm so busy' and never call people back so I have been trying to make quick calls while I'm doing things like driving home from work...(although, I'd ideally love to have time to THINK and just take a mental break from work and alladat.)

Another factor that adds to my internal disorganization is my schedule. I work about 9-10 hours a day, so if I get into work at say 9, I work till about 6:30-7:00. Then I head to the gym (This is something that i do almost religiously) and work out for 1-1.5 hours, so as you can see I'm back home at around 9, sometimes 9:30. Franky speaking, getting home at 9:30 I just wanna relax and not have to bother with trying to communicate with folk or working on projects. I just wanna leave everything till the weekend.
The bad thing about leaving everything till the weekend is that, most weekends I'm out of town. (Always looking for a break, aint I?)...and so all the stuff that I left till the weekend gets put off till the next weekend.
You get my drift...

My internal disorganization is constantly a source of stress for me. I mean, shouldn't be this stressful na. I blame myself maaaan but it's like no matter what I do in an effort to change, it just never seems to work.

I've tried everything ooo. I've tried the owning a daily planner thing...infact my friend was kind enough to give me one which I am currently trying to keep up with. The thing be say, I hella be forgetting to even update the planner sef.
I have google calender. Can't remember the last time I put any reminders in it.
I have outlook, same thing.
I've tried laying out my clothes the morning before work, so that I can speed things up. That didn't work out too well.
I've tried waking up early so that I can get an earlier start on my day, and be home earlier but I'm really not a morning person and like I mentioned, I procrastinate on going to bed hence me constantly hitting the sheets around 12:30-1:00 am.
I know everything that I need to do in order to manage my time better, but ask I do it?

I need a friggin' intervention or a personal assistant who will remind me of the things that i gotta do.


Lately I've been feeling stressed out and overwhelmed again, hence me sharing with you my blogfam. (Now my God-sis, Ms. Sula can't say that I never talk about myself :-p)

On a slightly funny note, I knew that things had gotten BAD when one day I logged onto my favorite celeb gossip website---> and realized that I had 8 pages to catch up on. 8 pages??!???! *gasp*, the YBF is supposed to be something like my bible. I be checking up on it daily...
Or when people say 'Oh this and that happened on Facebook' and I'm like 'errrr, I be forgetting to even log onto the Facebook sef"


I feel stressed but I gotta make an effort to try to tackle this head on, let me make a list of what needs to be done.

Thanks for reading, if you did.
And if I'm slow with making the rounds, forgive me...I will do that when I get a grip. I see my blogroll is updated again, YAY. It seemed like post-Easter everyone was chilling.


Thursday, April 9, 2009

School Daze

I always say that you didn't have the true boarding school experience till you went to a Federal Government college. Sorry, Queens College babes need not identify, una ajebo-ism no get part 2. Oh, and awon Vivian Fowler, The Bells aka Horse riding school, Olasore, Adesoye, Atlantic Hall and what not, y'all should not even cough in this FGGC product's presence. Ha Ha!

I went to boarding school in the east. For someone who was born and raised in Port Harcourt, you'd think that I would have opted to go to Abuloma but I wanted to try a new city. (In retrospect, I'm glad I aint go to that Abuloma aka I blow garri with those their extra special chicks.)

LOL. I am really trash talking all the schools aint I? S'all in good fun o jare.

Infact ehn, before I went off to my FGGC, while I was waiting for my Common Entrance results...I did a brief stint at an Airforce secondary school. All I have to say after that experience is God forbid! Those teachers/whatever they were called were MEAN, but that's another tori for another day.

Back to my FGGC gist...
Heading off to my feddy gals college, I was nervous, scared to be away from home, expectant, excited. I still very vividly remember my first day in school...the senior girls assembled all the newbies and started asking us about our backgrounds and if we had brothers (See them, desperate chicks...) If they determined that you were an ajebota or if you claimed to have a fine brother, they would make you their school-daughter.
There were benefits to being one's school daughter; if you were serving punishment aka kneeling down, lying down, or doing any form of gymnastics that some evil senior made you do and your school mother happened to be in the vicinity, odds were that she would intercede on your behalf and you would go scott free.
If it was SAP season (Structural adjustment program) and your ass was starving, you could go to your school mother and she would hook you up with some good ol' Cabin biscuits, Nasco cornflakes or the main the main staple; Garri!

Adjusting to the feddy lifestyle was initially very hard. Prior to secondary school, I had never had to share living spaces with about 24 girls. I had never lived life by such a strict schedule; From breakfast to class to lunch to prep to lights out. I had never had to take baths from a bucket, talkess of in a 'bathroom' with about 11 other girls splashing their own dirt on you.

I had never eaten food with the sorry excuse for meat, that my school had. Not to talk of those extra tiny portions. Infact we used to do food swaps which was pretty much, you telling someone 'May I please eat your morning food, and then you may eat my afternoon food'? Abeg allow us o, babes were hungry!

I had never experienced water scarcity, where we would take our buckets from dormitory to dormitory and beg people for scoops of water. In the end, we would take our buckets back and hide it very carefully under our beds only to wake up the next morning and discover that some cunning thief had helped themself to almost, if not all of your hard earned water.

I had never had to literally fly from my top bunk when one random senior babe called 'A junior girl' in an effort not to be the last junior girl to land because if you were the last junior girl to get there, best believe that your ass was getting SENT.

I had never had to scrub an entire block of toilets (Read: 6 toilets) as my dormitory work for 6 months. And nna ehn, this wasn't not regular scrubbing o! Those toilets were always dirty as heck. So every Friday before Satuday's inspection, I would grab a big stick and start pounding 1 million blue house girl's maggot covered crusty shit, then I would use a bucket to wash it out, pour some dettol around the zone and start scrubbing. Ah, I always tell people...don't be fooled by the soft, ajebo looking skin o. I don did some dirty work in my life time.

I had never had to ask permission to enter a senior girl's class. I mean, in retrospect I was probably the same age as most of these chicks but before you entered their classes, you had to call out 'Excuse me senior 5A girls, may I please enter'? and if 5A girls were in the mood for some comic relief, someone would call out 'Yes. Fly in' or 'Yes. Dance in' and woe betide you if you don't do any of the above. Ohhh and you didn't even want them to catch you walking on their corridor. You would find yourself kneeling under the hot sun for a couple of hours.

But I adjusted...and I had a lot of fun! As the years passed and we kwa became seniors, life got easier. Now as opposed to fetching senior Nkechi's bucket of water, I could now send Ifeoma to fetch my own bucket of water.
We had 'neighbors', who slept on our top bunk and pretty much did everything for us, as we did for the seniors when we were juniors babes. My neighbor was responsible for fetching my daily bucket of water, washing and ironing my clothes, making my bed and in general...making my life easier. :-D

I joined a couple of social clubs and got a chance to participate in events such as 'Press Club day', which was pretty much was excuse for us male deprived females to hang around a whole bunch of boys from the nearby federal colleges.
For events such as Press club day, we practiced mimes that we would perform on stage, and on the actual day we made sure we wore our shortest skirts...after all, the boys were coming!

I made friends for life!

Visiting days were the first sunday of every month. We lived for visiting days, and we would all camp out with friends at their parents cars, and invite them to our own parents cars to come and eat with us. Post visiting day, every one was happy because their lockers were re-filled with provisions like Nasco (Or Kellogs for the rich folk), Cabin biscuits, peak milk, milo/bournvita, GARRI, cookies...and our wallets were fatter with the pocket money that our parents gave us.

I considered myself to be something of an all-rounder in secondary school. I wasn't part of the popular jingos club, I wasn't a spiro aka SU, I wasn't an effico aka bookatee, I wasn't one of the 'outcasts' either. I just flowed freely with everyone and that made my boarding school experience even more memorable.

Boarding school was fun for real! In my last year, I made friends with a set of very mischievious chicks who were always looking for the latest gist/scandal. I remember one jobless saturday night, we heard word of some lesbians making out and decided to sneak up to their window to watch the action for ourselves. LOL
Ah, we had plenty lele's o. It was the lack of males that caused it sha...

Ahhhh, nostalgia! I'm sitting here, and actually missing those good ol' days.

Or is it those girls who were campaigning for prefect positions? As a defaulter, I know say e no go reach me so I didn't even bother. But it was extraaaa funny when they would announce prefects, and some of the campaigners ehn? e just fly them like say dem dey stand for JFK airport and British Airways flew past them. Flyoooooooooooo. Some wicked chicks would make paper planes, and when they post they were campaigning for no reach them, they would throw the paper planes in their direction. LOLLLLL.

I remember those boxed up chicks who used to go to Jand/Yankee every summer, and when they came back we would be admiring their cute accessories, and acquisitions and thinking how lucky they were. I mean, when I came to yankee and I hit up CVS, I saw the 99c tweety folders and chit that we used to trip for back in the day. Too funny...

I remember holidays and how there was this current of excitement running through the whole school. People with excess provisions would share with the hungry folk like me who always finished their provs real quick. Everyone was happy to be heading home for the long long summer holiday. I remember the Ekenedilichukwu and ABC buses that came to pick the Lagos girls. In those instances, I really used to wish that I was a Lagos babe 'cos those their trips home were reportedly very fun.

I remember the final days, when we jacked hard for our WAEC and JAMB examinations. We pulled all nighters, and it was hella bitter sweet because as we dey jack, we knew that this was it! After the exams, and class party we were O-U-T and we potentially would not see some of those girls again.
Since we pretty much had one foot out the door, we were hella defaulting, wearing 'mufti' to afternoon prep, some girls sef no gree plait their hair again or they would do the extra deep 'brush' that was on some straight up defaulting status.

Man o man, I miss those good ol' days. I really do...
I spent a good 6 years of my life in that secondary school. Well, most of it minus the summer vacations and what not, and I can confidently say that it helped in shaping my character.
I learned not to take anything for granted; I mean I see some people complaining about cafeteria food and I'm like whaaaat? You should have seen what I had to eat in secondary school, this chit is a 3 course dinner fit for a king compared to that.
I learned to work with what I had.
I met so many girls from different backgrounds; from the extra rich ones aka the boxed up ones to the ones whose parents were struggling. It was truly a melting pot for all sorts of characters and people from different back grounds and I learned to accept everyone for who they were.
School daze were worth every punishment I served, I won't trade it for anything in the world!

Left to me, I'd ship my kids off to boarding school too! Let them learn a thing or two.

The end.

PS:- This was a long post, which didn't even cover half of my boarding school experience. Ha ha.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Sexless Blogsville

The general consensus on blogsville is that everyone has sex on their minds and no one is getting any. It is a recession.

So with that said, how 'bout we do a blogsville hookup in this piece. I know all my ladies want a piece of RocNaija, Baroque & Scribbles.

I know my ladies secretly want some of that good ol' geeky loving that Rethots & Danny B have to offer.

I know my razz ladies want some of that Fine boy Agbero loving.

Ladies send me your offers and the name of the potential male blogger, and I'll pimp you guys. The highest bidder gets the prize. *wink wink*

Hmmm, that's all for now sha 'cos the other male bloggers seem to be married.

On to other curiosities. What is the origin of your blog name?

Nice Anon (Yes I'm calling you out again... :-D), are you 'Nice Anon' because you are an anonymous poster who doesn't make mean spirited comments?

Nigerian Drama Queen, do you really have a drama filled life?

Bumight? Is your name Bunmi? I always think it is.

RepressedOne, what is repressing you?

Solomon Sydelle, nice name! How did you come up with that?

WordMerchant, do you sell words?

Zena, I like it. Where from?

Oya, come and tell me where your blog name originated from.

Mine= Original Mgbeke because everyone claims that I'm a bush Igbo girl. They must be tripping, I was raised with a landline and I never had to carry my desk to school on a daily basis, nor did I have to sleep on a mat growing up. (Inside joke)