Thursday, August 27, 2009
-I remember growing up and my parents were on the strict side. Who born the maga wey wan collect boyfie at 15, 16? So when guys wanted to call me, I would tell them to call my house and ask for my brother, just in case my parents picked up the phone…so that if such a thing occurred, my bros would use style and pass the phone to me when they weren’t looking. Chei, one day my mama caught me sha o. Hahahahhaha…now it’s heelarious how she calls me now asking who the dudes in my life are. LMAO
-I remember when we used terms like ‘Omo that guy dey razzle me’, or that guy dey ‘chyke’ me. ‘Toasting’ still reigns though. Who dey toast una now oooo?
-I remember when guys used to put effort into ‘toasting’ babes. As in, dem go make arrangements to scoop you up, carry you to Mr. Biggs while you blushed over your meatpie and fanta and he would drop lyrics laik say nah hin be the reigning emcee on the block.
-I remember when the toasting stage would lead to the ‘asking out’ stage and as a bigz babez, you had to form o. There was no way a guy would ask you to be his girl and you would instantly reply with a ‘yes’. We always said…’let me think about it’, even though you know say you go marry am if hin propose sef. Of course you would use like 1-2 days to think about it while the bobo’s heart would be beating rapidly. Chai! In this day and age, do guys still ask women to be their girl sef? Hahahahahaha.
-And speaking of being toasted, I remember the goody bags that toasters would bring. I remember when I used to go to lesson and this toaster of mine brought a goody bag filled with cookies a.k.a biscuit, candy a.k.a sweets and chocolate, five alive etc etc and all my friends gathered around me oooh-ing and aah-ing and of course some people wanted to just join and chop the food. When I come tell the bobo say I no want, his friends called me oh talkin’ bout…’after all the money that he spent on you. He spent N700 to buy you those goodies’. LMAO…then N700 was a big deal sha o.
-I remember all those baffs that used to reign. Pedal pushers, elbow tops, hipsters, spaghetti strap…you name it! Kai, e get some babes wey dey operate on some strictly DIE HARD movement, as in dem go carry long sleeved top to the tailor make hin adjust am to instantly produce an elbow top. Voila! Or they would cut leggings into pedal pushers. Hahahaha…it’s quite funny how we were all so into the latest trends then and these days some people couldn’t care less.
-I remember when guys used to actually write love letters and some of those extra ones who would be singing on the phone. LMAO.
-I remember when we would go to parties and after a while they would turn off the light talking about ‘it’s time to dance blues’, and all we prudish babes would quickly go and find our seat, after all good girls like us did not dance blues with no guy. And for the girls that remained standing, we would gist about them the next day talking about… ‘That Nneka is a bad girl o! She was dancing serious blues with Tommy at that party…’. HahahahahaBut on the real, speaking of dancing…we used to maintain a safe distance will dancing, none of that backing up like they are sexing on the dancefloor type of steez that one sees nowadays…and for man’s hands to even reach my hips, was such a huge thing. LOL, I really used to be a goody goody sha.
-I remember when babes used to borrow baffs and it wasn’t nothing. Your girl would call you and say ‘Men, e get this party on Saturday…can I borrow that your blue spaghetti stap top?’ and you’d say…’no problem, I’ll be home by 5pm so come and collect it’. Good ol’ days.
-I remember when not everyone had a cell phone and certainly not a home phone so sometimes the best way to contact some people was to call their neighbors house and the neighbor kwa would go and find them…but ultimately, the lack of phones strengthened our friendships as we were forced to go and visit each other.
-I remember ‘chancing’ at Naija parties. You would be dancing with a guy and another guy would come and chance the guy that you were dancing with. Ha Ha! Try that in Yankee and see if someone don’t kerk out on your a-z-z. Oh, and guys used to actually dance with guys and it wasn’t nothing…now all this homophobic kini don reared it’s head.
-I remember as bigz babez we did not want to be caught dead on an Okada but you had to get to where you were going so we would hop on it and take style to hide our face… unless you were like the konk ajebo that had a car and driver at your disposal 24/7. But don’t knock Okada o, na on top Okada wey some babes dey meet their man. I mean…imagine you on top the Okada with your cascading waves of weave flying in the wind, na so some bobos go just tell their driver… ‘follow that bike’ and that is how this girl I know met her husband. True talk. :-D
-I remember those summer lessons. PH in the house? E get one reigning lesson wey dey for 2nd artillery abi na Rumuodara, one of them sha o. Me my work at that lesson was to wear my latest baffs and look cute. I used to skip classes like a good # of the time sotay one of the teachers actually came to visit my mom and report me. I just denied am sharp sharp! LOLThat lesson was totally hitting sha o. Na there wey babes dey find summer boo and what not. Ahhh memories.
-I remember going to buy soda a.k.a mineral and you would have to carry a bottle to give the mallam or return his own bottle. Or when guests would come and you would make a quick run to buy them one bottle of mineral. My mom gave up on buying crates of mineral because it would be gone within 2 days. And stuff like Five Alive and Just Juice? That was a complete luxury. Hahahaha…America good sha ooo.
Man so many memories sha and there is more where that came from. I know without a doubt that I had one of the best childhoods evAr and I continue to look back on those days with fond memories.
What do YOU remember about the good ol’ days?
*Edit:- I just had to call all you guys out...you know the ones that used to approach babes at parties and say 'excuse me dance'. Yes ooo, I remember y'all. Olu, Webround, Bagucci...make una come confess oooo.
Funny story, e dey this Aba bobo wey don watch too much Gangsta movies, na hin he con see one babe wey just return from Yanks at one party and so going off his gangsta lessons hin con approach the babe and said...'let's dance Bitch' in a very igbotic accent. *Dead*
Sunday, August 23, 2009
I grew up in Port Harcourt (obviously a non-Igbo speaking town), and within our household, my parents spoke English to us kiddies. Going off to a feddy school in the East, I had high hopes of picking up some Igbo but *ahem*, my school was filled with a whole bunch of Ajebo women from Lagos and such places, and it wasn't much Igbo speaking that was going on around those parts. It is what it is...
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Side note:- I used to have this huge complex about conventions, fellowships and any event which had the word ‘single’ attached to it. I felt like to the outside eye, it would appear that we the attendees were desperate individuals going and hoping to make a love connection with other singles when it really wasn’t the case (well for me sha). However, someone pointed out to me that for such events, singles actually applies to anyone who isn’t married so relationship or not, you are single. T or F?I was also pleased to note that during this convention, a bunch of the speakers reiterated that the essence of it all wasn’t for people to come and look for husband/wife but for the singles to empower and continue to work on themselves. [/End side note]
So, as I was saying…Michelle McKinney Hammond spoke on why we should be single and satisfied. Ha! I know that is like Greek to some of us. ‘Single and satisfied ke? How is that even possible?’…I hear some of y’all asking yourselves.Ms. McKinney Hammond is 52 years old, very much single (never married and not dating anyone) and seems to be very content. She is a well known speaker and author...(check out her books at your local library or Amazon) who travels around the world giving speeches and urging us singles to focus on loving ourselves before we even start looking for someone to love us. I definitely enjoyed her speech and found myself agreeing with a whole bunch of things that she said.
As a ‘professional single’ (self proclaimed, thank you very much)…I find it very amusing yet saddening when people liken this whole business of being single to some kind of rare disease that no one wants to contract. Women remain in relationships that cause them plenty sleepless nights saying things like…‘Please o, let me stick to this man that I have as opposed to being single’.
I mean, ladies true talk…the outlook out here for single girls isn’t what it used to be and I realize that we are getting older but seriously? The man will even give her HIV and she will stick it out on the premises of… ‘I’d rather not be single’. Folk that have been in stagnant relationships that expired 10 years ago still carry on because they are scared to come back into the single gals market… ‘I don’t know where the next toaster is going to come from’, ‘If I leave this man, what if I never find another…’, ‘We have dated for 5 years, I am now 30 and my time is running out…I don’t wanna be single at 30’ etc etc. Even men sef now use the business of being single as the latest yab in town. When you talk one, they will tell you to ‘sharrap, you are not ashamed…your mates are married and you are here doing nonsense’. I no fit shout again! I won’t even go into how unmarried women seem to get no respect in Nigeria. I mean, it seems that the ultimate status symbol is having a nice big rock on your finger around those parts. No be small thing, my people.
But it’s all gravy. I can’t even knock anyone who can’t get with the concept of it being just ‘me, myself and I’ or who feels pressured by society (esp. those meddling relatives) because I used to be the kind of girl who would spend hours bemoaning the single status and wondering why all my friends were boo’ed up and I wasn’t. I would listen to my friends and their oppressive gist of vals day pampering, romantic dates and wonder when my turn was coming. I too, used to go to events in the hopes and anticipation that I would go home with at least one number and I too, used to get extra excited when any dude approached me because ‘hey! It just might be him’. Hmmm and now that I think about it, I certainly remember not kicking one foolish guy to the curb because it felt nice to have a 'someone'. Yelz o! I aint ashamed to admit it…with age comes wisdom and I didn’t become a wise woman overnight. :-)
But seriously though, like a lot of other things in my life…I slowly snapped out of that whole mentality that to be single wasn’t the business at all and I actually started enjoying ‘Me, myself and I’ and I still am enjoying it. A good number of my friends are either booed up or talking to potential dudes and I can honestly tell y’all that e no ‘consain’ me at all if them dey plural and I dey singular. As I mentioned in a previous post about happiness, I’m good yo! I’m content, I’m in a really good and happy place right now and the lack of a significant other hasn’t even crossed my mind in an effort to put a damper on my peace of mind and contentment. I dress up and go to events and my mentality on meeting dudes at these things has even turned into a one big ‘WHATEVS'…no be this area again? LOL. Make I no tok too much tori for hia but in general, I am quite amazed when people tell ME that I can not be single and happy or single and satisfied. I mean, the heck you on about? When did you turn into me that you can now decide how I choose to feel about a situation? I mean, if YOU can not be single and satisfied then na your wahala be that o. I sure as heck aint tell you what you can and can not do so free me abeg.
On some final notes…so yeah for a whole bunch of people it is hard to adjust to the concept of just you in your singular state esp. if you are so used to the idea of a ‘someone’ around you all the time but yes we can! Ms. McKinney Hammond said that before you start looking for a someone, you need to be WHOLE…a 100% individual and not a 50% chick looking for a man to complete your other 50%. A man should not complete you, he should complement you my sisters. I encourage y’all to work on getting to the ‘single and satisfied’ phase of life where you learn to completely love, enjoy and appreciate the idea of you as a solo individual and I'm very sure that if a man comes along, he will come across a self assured woman who knows that she wants him but doesn’t need him for her happiness, a self assured woman who will not hop on the next thing smoking down the aisle even if she saw warning signs from day 1 just because she feels that her time is running out. And if the man doesn’t come (because, life is not a fairytale), at least you won’t spend an entire lifetime crying and staying depressed about it because true talk, marriage/companionship will not happen for all of us...c'est la vie!
Saturday, August 15, 2009
...So if you've been reading my blog/paying attention, you will know that I've had this Harry Potter Fantasy in which I stroll into a Salvation Army/Goodwill store and discover that someone donated their entire collection of Harry Potter novels and yadi yadi yada.
Well, I will say that it didn't quite work out that way. As opposed to making a one time stroll into the Goodwill, it took more like 4 strolls. One one occasion I was lucky enough to snag books 4 and 5 on the same day but every thing else was on some walk in and peruse the book section and hope to get lucky.
Aniwoos like the title of ze post says...pictures speak a thousand words so please allow me update y'all picture style on my HP collection.
As of Aug 15, 2009...I, the Original Mgbeks am the proud owner of books 2-7 of the HP collection. For some reason, book 1 has been very hard to find but I aint fazed. Yes we can baby!
How you like me now???
Decided to include some bonus pics of one of the things on my 'Pride and Joy' list...bookshelf numero uno with some of my favorite books.
Ze bookshelf was originally white but one random summer day I decided to engage in some DIY style activities and painted it a lovely mustard color. I still have an unpainted one which I swore I'd paint this summer but *ahem*, it doesn't seem to be happening.
I'd say that a good 75% of the books in this mix were Goodwill finds with one of the most recent being 'A thousand splendid suns' by Khaled Hosseini. I hope it's as good as the 'Kite Runner'.
And in more book yarns:
I'm looking into building an African Author collection starting with the likes of Elechi Amadi, Chinua Achebe etc etc. As I type, I am expecting to receive my Chimamanda books in the mail any time soon. Yay to that!
My dream of owning a personal library that will make the county's public librarian go cross eyed with envy is coming ooo! LOL.
I hope y'all are having a good weekend so far...
Peace & Love.
Monday, August 10, 2009
I've been subject to a serious background check which entailed that I list all the jobs that I've had in the past 10 years and my oh my, I actually had to sit and think about that one. You see, in my 10 years or so that I've been in this country, I've worked a total of approx 18 jobs or more sef
*Gasp*...18 jobs in 10 years shey? Blame it on the restlessness. As my aunt used to say to be back in the day...'Na only you wan collect all the jobs in this America'. As in, at the end of the Tax year, while my mates were filing taxes with just one W-2, I'd have 3 or 4. LOL
My current job is the longest that I've ever been anywhere and that's because it's a 'real' job as opposed to the random stints that I did during my college years.
My first job in this country was at KFC. Worked there for 1.5 months and I was O-U-T...after that I swore that I'd never do another fast food job. But working that job definitely taught me to be nice to people in the fast food industry...it's certainly not easy to maintain your cool when you deal with customers who talk smack to you because they see you flipping burgers or frying chicken.
Surprisingly, I remained a broomstick while I worked there despite my daily lunches of crispy chicken and biscuits.
I still very vividly remember my shock when I received my 1st paycheck...as in I was told that I would be making $6.25/hr and I had already calculated it well well o. I was like ok with this $$ that I'm expecting, I'm finna do this and that...only to receive my check and I was like NA LIE. This one na real ojoro...I went to my manager and told him that my check was short, that I worked X amount of hours...etc etc. Bwahahahhahaha, long story short, that was my introduction to American taxes. Chei!!!
I've also worked a lot of retail jobs. You name it: Victoria Secret (My lingerie collection was bangin' back in the day...I was also really good at getting people to open their Angel credit cards), Ann Taylor, The Limited, Ross dress for Less, Rugged Wearhouse...*I know there's more but I don forget*
I've worked at an ear piercing store/jewelry store where we had to make daily sales and I learned how to pierce ears. I remember my first piercing experience...I was shaking.
Come to think of it, I wasn't too terrible at getting people to buy Jewelry either. Now, I remember the name...Piercing Pagoda.
I've worked at department style stores i.e the famous AMES that went out of business (I had some real ghetto fabulous coworkers who used to constantly gist me of their sex lives...I will always remember how 2 of them came into work the next day talkin' bout they met up with some dudes who just got out of jail and had the best sex ever as per the dudes were catching up for lost time...*SMH*), CVS (where one of my managers was constantly trying to feel up on me. Apparently no one read me the sexual harrassment policy; and I flipped out on another manager and quit), IKEA...(It was a temporary gig but they had a good discount).
I've worked at a Sprint Customer service typa place. Well, I just worked there for 1 week and bounced. The hours were just ridiculous! 3pm-11pm 6 days a week.
I've done the Admin/Office jobs/College Work Study jobs too. Part time steez when I started feeling too grown and sexy for retail.
I've worked at a Clutch & Brake company where it appeared that I was the hottest thing walking. Imagine an environment filled with sweaty mechanics and ish, and the only other female was this 60 year old woman. Every friday, those men were always all too eager to come get their paychecks so they could make small talk with me. LOL
Of course, I did a couple of internships in my college major. At this point I really felt like I upgraded my life...Ha! Internships in my field definitely didn't pay bad at all for college kids. A far cry from the KFC days. :-p
I absolutely can not remember the rest of those my lil part time jobs ooo. LOL...but there you have it, I've had a 'range of experiences' on the job front.
Working all those years of retail certainly taught me the following things:
- Be nice to sales associates.
- Take your clothes out of the fitting room after trying them on...it is an absolute witch trying to clean up at the end of the night. I mean sometimes we'd close at 9 and I'd get home at 11 (Well, I used to catch the bus so factor in travel time sha o).
- Don't friggin' try on 10 things and walk out of the store with nada. Mchewwww....lol
And of course, that kinda fueled my shopping habit with all them discounts and all. I especially loved that Rugged WearHouse stint...talk about brand names for less. I remember snagging this BabyPhat jacket for $30 (when BabyPhat was cool), Express baffs for like $10 or less...and my all time favorite Tommy bright yellow bubble jacket that my friends still make fun of. Whatevs to y'all, I was absolutely killing it. :-D
All in all, it's always fun to reminisce, look back and those good ol' days, look at where I am in life right now and thank God. e no easy at all o!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
I am soo over GUYS who can't do ish for you just because they are not sleeping with you/toasting you. Everything that they do for you has to come with K leg. If you say...'Hey can I ride with you to X?'...where the initial plan for him was to go there anyway, wasn't like you are taking him out of his way, he will say something along the lines of 'Shey you will contribute towards my Gas' or something as equally foolish as that. Oh oh, so just because I am not the fine girl that you are toasting now means that you can't do anything for me out of the goodness of your heart? Odikwa risky sha ooo!
I am soo over GUYS with girlfriends/fiancees trying to approach me. Fool, you don lost your everloving mind, that is for sure. The heck I look like, trying to be your side piece? Shuooooo! And then when you call them out on it, they say foolish things like 'Well, until a ring is on my finger, I am not committed to anyone' and all you can really do after that is give them a blank mickifrickin' stare. *Smh*...some poor woman out there is happily showing his pictures to her friends and co-workers talkin' bout 'this is my boo' and the idiot is out there trying to run game on other women. I pray that these brand of trifling men will never be my portion abeg, I can surely do bad all by myself. Mchewwwwww...
I am sooo over trying to extend MYSELF for anyone when half the time they aint even thinking about me. This one includes friends kwa. Uh uh, you be trying to do and be there for people but when time comes, aint no one really thinking about you like that. I see how it bes sha o, and me kwa I don dey shine my eye. Nsogbu a diro.
I am sooo over my pressed a-s-s senior getting on my everloving nerves. He's lucky it's a recession because I am this close to chewing his head off. Abi hin never see Igbo craze before? Chain-smoking micki fricki like him. In fact I wonder if I can claim an allergic reaction to second hand smoke just to avoid working with him in the future. Nonsense and Crayfish!
I am sooo over mofos saying things like 'I know you'. Fool please! You don't know me, so kindly fall back with that over familiarity before I kerk out on your a-s-s. The heck? You don't even know how that comment irritates the mess out of me. 'I know you ke'. You better go and know your mother o. Shuoooooo!
I am sooo over the stupid woman in my apartment building who insists on hogging that one parking spot right in front of the building. It is obvious that she has lost her everlovind mind sha o. Abi I no sabi who send am to buy 2 Mercedez benz but let me tell you what this foolish woman likes to do. She has a black benz and a white benz so when she wants to take the black benz out, she will go and pull the white benz right behind it, hop in the black benz and pull it out and then get back out and hop in the white benz to park it in the spot. She does this unfailingly EVERY DAY. I swear, one day I will slash her tires if she continues to piss me off some more or leave her a mean note telling her exactly what I think of her pressed foolishness. Abi she never own fine car before? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. *WOOF*
I am sooo over people whining that I don't call them. Seriously, just STFU. Last time I checked, it wasn't like you were blowing up my phone either. It takes 2 to do this communication thing, dude. Ugh!
I am sooo over my Ghetto neighbours driving up into the complex and blasting music at 2a.m. in the morning. How inconsiderate is that? I am convinced that some individuals walking around on planet earth seriously lack brain cells and if these mofos continue to try me ehnnnnnnnnn, dem go hia wiiiii. In fact na that day wey I go show pesin say Khaki no be leather. Abi Barack Obama don start to dey climb on top Molue? Foolish stuvvings indeed!
*Errrrm that's all I can think of for now*
See? Ranting is good for the soul. I actually do feel better now...Wooooosaaaaaah. I am a full believer in letting it all out baby! Imagine if everyone in the world continued to internalize things, I bet we would have a whole bunch of dead folk up in this piece.
I also encourage people to drink a glass of cold water when they are mad about something. In fact let me share a funny story with y'all....
I, the O.M enjoys a good argument now and then, and luckily for most...as much dishing out that I do, I can also take it. So, I went to dinner with some friends and me and one dude in the mix got into it. I mean, you could tell the guy was seriously vexing about my own point of view regarding the issue at hand. I told him...'ehn, you are vexing shey? Continue to vex o. Infact you should drink some cold water make e take cool you down small'.
As I said this, I noticed that the waiter was passing by and I said 'excuse me, may I please get a glass of water'. My friends caught on to what I was doing and started cracking up, meanwhile the dude was still there making his heated argument.
The cold water came, and I handed it right next to him and said 'Drink and coolu temper. You go dey accurate'...and he burst out laughing, the ice was broken and all was well and happy in the world.
Moral of the story= When you dey vex, drink cold water. Unfortunately for me, there was no cold water so I picked the next best thing...blogger!