Wednesday, January 27, 2010

The Anti Independent Woman - Rich men are wanted!

So it's like, every time I turn on the radio, it's some song playing about Ms. Independent or some variation of Independent women. 'She got her own', 'She pays her own bills' blahblahblah. You go to the club and the DJ is like 'All my independent ladies who pay their own bills can I see your hands up?'... And you get some screaming juvenile looking women all hella excited to raise their hands. Come on sharrap thia! What is so exciting about paying bills? My paychecks are on some LIFO steez (Last in, First out for the none Accounting folk) wait 2 weeks for it to come and its gone in 2 days thanks to the yeye bills wey these women dey shout up and down for.
What else is so exciting about paying bills sef? Shey na bills... Anyone fit pay bills na. If you got a 6 dollar/hr job at Mickey Ds you still fit use that moni to pay at least a cell phone bill if nothing else.
Long story short, there is absolutely nothing exciting or exhilarating about paying bills so boooyah Neyo, Webbie and all related Independent women hypers.

I always find that people get to know me and eventually say things like 'You don't come off as a last born', and when I ask what they mean, they say things along the line of 'You don't exhibit the typical traits of a last born, you come off as so independent'.
Truth of the marra is that in some ways, I am your typical last born (I got away with a bunch of stuff growing up that my sister's didn't, and I'm ultimately still my mommy and my sister's baby girl) but on the flip, I always disclaim that I'm not spoiled or bratty. But that's beside the point... Today, I wanna discuss the 'Independent' bit.

I have pretty much done things for myself ever since I was about 20. My first year in Obodo Oyibo, when I was a wide eyed 17 year old was spent living with my relatives. As is the typical case with most JJC's from Naija and relatives in Yanks, things aint go too well and so my parents were forced to get an apartment for my brother and I. Along with the apartment, they funded our first 2 years in Community college and for that, I continue to hail them and I am grateful because I tell ya, changing naira to dollars is not a beans and rice steez at all, at all.
By the time I was ready to transfer to a 4 year college, I got me some Financial aid and so those free grants, student loans and various part time jobs/internships funded the rest of my college career. With a combination of those 3 sources of income, I paid my rent, bubbled and shuffled and bought my first car cash down at an auction (I was so proud of myself...hehehehe). Now, I have graduated from college and my lifestyle is now funded by a full time job as opposed to part time + school aid.
Original Mgbeke history 101 ends here.

Do I consider myself to be independent? Sure. I handle myself financially and have not relied on my parents or any one else for tha marra, for any kind of that assistance since the above mentioned 20-ish age. Do I run about screaming that I got my own (if not property, does enough clothes and shoes to set up a shop count? LOL) and I pay my bills? No way! I actually do not think that it's hard for one to be independent...shey na America? Unless your papa na one rich senator for Abuja, you ultimately will learn to handle your business ya damn self.

Do I like being independent? No way. I think it's hella overrated and I need a nice long vacation from being a DIY woman. I mean, I have never had the luxury of not working...3 months after I landed in America, I got a job and I have been working since then. Like hellooo, can someone come and free me? Like can I go to the rental office one day to pay rent and the employees will say 'Ummm wow, Ms. Mgbeks, your rent for the entire 2010 has been paid by a certain Mr...'. Bwahahahha.
That aside, must I do everything for myself? Haba! The other day Nice Anon blogged about women who claim independent and they can't change a light bulb or take their car to get serviced. I'm not guilty but it sho' would be nice to have someone to that ish for me, nahh meaannn. Let me go on vacay with a man who will cover the entire hotel + car rental + air fare, is it too much to ask?
Why I gotta hire movers when I move? Why can't one knight in shining armor swoop in with his homeboys and a Uhaul truck to handle my stuff while I siddon and cross leg. Like Beyonce go tok, all these ones na serious sweet dreams sha o, but it is good to dream my brothers and sisters. :-D

So guess what y'all? I am officially tired of that status and am now lying in wait for the next RICH man who falls within 500 yards of me 'cos I am sooo dragging him down the altar. Okay, okay...I will make an exception...if he ain't rich, he should at least be able to take care of me. Una think say I dey play, when I tell people that me, I just wan marry one rich man and be a full time housewife (with one correct buying and selling business on the side), I get the blank stare. Whachu blanking me for? If you wan go do corporate madam for a fortune 500 company, knock yourself out honey while I balance well well for my rich husband's house and dey send Blessing the househelp up and down, LMAO! No offense to any ladies named Blessing sha o...

I mean...picture this. I find the above mentioned rich man/care taker man, put a ring on it and proceed to put in my 2 weeks notice at my job like right after the honeymoon. Mortgage payment? What is that? Greek? My 2020 BMW will be paid for by him AND I even get a monthly salary for being a full time stay at home mama (my friend came up with this brilliant idea, and I am in full support i.e salaries for stay at home mama's)...after all, is it easy to carry 5 bomboys for 9 months each and take care of them + him, my darling hubby? 'cos trust appreciation for wifing me up and freeing me from the burdens of doing it all for myself and paying my own way, I promise that he will always come home to a warm, freshly cooked meal (by me, and not Blessing :-p) + other err...marital perks. Hahahaha.

Don't side eye me and call me a gold digger o! In fact, you can go ahead and knock yourself out because like I said, while you are sitting in your house and gossiping about me...your mortgage payment is waiting to be paid and I will be relaxing in my PAID FOR house while Hubby and I plan that all expenses paid trip to Rome (Bahamas is for the peasants, my hubby will be taking me to exclusive places)..lmaooo. I crack myself up.

So umm yeah, the entire summary of this long tori is that...yours truly is ready to ditch the indy woman status and find her a nice rich man, and so if any of you know any fine, sexy, RICH and eligible young bachelors, you may kindly re-direct them to this blog.

The end.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Bad personality traits of mine...

Just because we all wish that I were perfect...

1. Proud/Stubborn:- I can be very proud and stubborn. I dislike being told what to do and I find it hard to apologize, although I'm working on that one. The extent of my pride is such that I once went for 3 months without speaking to my parents over an issue in which I felt that I was wronged (not proud of it). I can't tell you who didn't call me trying to be the voice of sister o, my aunties o and I said lai lai! In the end, my mom called and that was that. If I intend to get married, I will definitely need to work on that one sha o or else my bride price will be sent right back to my father. Ha!

2. Easily irritated:- The smallest, randomest things tick me off. If I start with a list of things and people that irritate me, e go long. On the flip side, my bouts of irritation do not last for too long so I guess that's good.

3. Quick tempered:- Which can tie back to being easily irritated. My disclaimer is that if you don't come at me the wrong way then all will be well.

4. Judgmental/Judging the book by it's cover:- Not in the typical sense of the word i.e I am not judgmental of people who the world would typical judge. Rather my own be say, I tend to look at people and instantly decide that they look irritating/annoying and from then on, my interactions with them aren't the warmest of warm. On the flip side, I've judged a couple of folk and ended up liking them/becoming friends so hope dey.

5. Confrontational:- How is this even bad sef? At least I say my piece, it's been said and you know my church mind but apparently I need to work on my approach 'cos folk don't be liking it when I call them out. These days I don dey tone am down sef... *shrugs*

6. Hot/Cold emotions:- This doesn't occur too often but I do have my internalized hot/cold moments towards the world in general. Today I'm in the mood for you, and tomorrow I'm not. It's absolutely nothing personal.

7. Anal (sometimes):- I can be very anal about my possessions and my space in general. If I give something to you, kindly return it the way that it was given to you. I don't like people messing up my space...I'm the only one allowed to mess up my space.

8. Sharp tongue/smart mouth:- I will admit that e reach to tone am down sha o, one of my friends don include me in her prayer sef. Keep praying for me o! Hahahaha. But that's the essence of moiiii naaa.

9. Always wanting to have the last word:- I mean, why shouldn't I though? I gotta have the last say yo! (Another thing to work on in marriage if I don't want those 5 goats and yams getting sent back to my father). :-D

10. Very defensive:- I can ve very defensive and will take things out of context as personal attacks sometimes so I am always armed and ready for a comeback. In sec. school I earned the nickname of ER aka Ever Ready to attack. very sad.

And that is truly all that I could think of...

How y'all doing?
I feel like I'm losing my blog mojo...I will find it sha, no doubt. Where e wan run go?
Happy MLK day sha o, for my yankee peeps. Have a great week.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Those frontin' azz Naija babes...

Happy new year my peoples. I hail una has the '10 been treating you guys so far?

On to the koko of the matter...

I've been having a lot of convos with men that revolve around the fronting nature of we Nigerian girls. They usually identify me as the poster child of women who don't front and then say something along the lines of 'that is so refreshing, because a whole lot of you Nigerian women front too much'. And so, I have appointed myself as Voltron, defender of all Nigerian women.
This is the Q that I usually throw back at them...'Can you please define fronting?', and till date I have never really got a clear cut definition.

I mean for real, what exactly constitutes fronting??
Oh, and I find it extra interesting when some of these men say 'Nigerian women front too much, to toast you women is a huge hassle and that is why I don't date y'all'. I once told a culprit...'I highly doubt that Nigerian women are crying over this'. Like seriously dudes, no woman's world has crashed yet because you took your business elsewhere, don't get too excited now...
...But back to the Q...what exactly constitutes fronting??

I think that a lot of men who accuse us ladies of fronting need to work on their approach to begin with. For instance, today on the train I sat with 3 Nigerian dudes (coincidence), one of them randomly struck up convo, they all introduced themselves and when I introduced myself, they found out that I was a Naija babe...I kept it relatively friendly, we chatted about clubs in DC vs. Baltimore, our famed Naija terrorist and some random other ish and before I hopped off the train, one of them said...'So why don't you give us your number, maybe we can hang out one of these weekends when you are free'...(I had kinda sorta seen it coming, from his general interaction with me).
Me, I kuku said...'Oh, like y'all share a phone or something?' and his boys cracked up and said that I had jokes. I mean, in 2010...people are saying 'give us your number??'...seriously??...and then since the joke was on him, he said 'Oh I mean, give me your number' and I gave the generic 'Well, are you on FB? I can look you up on there instead' with absolutely no intention of doing such.
Now if you ask the man if he thought that I was fronting, he might tell you a big 'heck yeah'!...If you ask me, heck no I wasn't going to give him my digits.
1. That was a 30 minute train ride. I was chatting with him + 2 other men, it wasn't even no one on one ish...what kind of connection did the man think that we had, that we should now be exchanging numbers?
2. That 'give us your number' wackness totally did him in.

Nigerian men, that is one example of how you lot can change your approach when it comes to us ladies. It seems like a lot of you cats are into the whole 'fast food love' kinda deal...if you meet Girl A and she doesn't share her digits in the space of 1 hr, she is suddenly fronting. Oya now, carry go.

Then you got those clowns who come up to you at parties and rudely grab you for some wack ass grindin'. I mean...seriously though? From where to where now? So when a very pissed off woman turns around to give you that grade A evil eye, you're like 'Nigerian women too dey front sha o, a bro can't even get a dance'. Yup, we won't roll with that foolishness so call it whatever you wanna call it.

And then sometimes, the women that you'se lot are interacting with are just plain ol' reserved and not as forthcoming. You wanna talk about sex, she doesn't feel too comfy discussing say that she is fronting.
You just met her and maybe she's not the type to be shining her 32 any and anyhow, so her reception to you wasn't as warm as you would have wanted it to be, you say that she is fronting.
I actually had a convo with a friend who told me that a good % of the girls that he's met who went to my secondary school initially came off as some major fronters and of course he issued the disclaimer of 'you were different' I asked him how the babes were fronting, and he said that when he met the good number that he's met and got introduced to them, they gave him a couple of dry hi's and hello's or something like that. wa o!
Mind you, I met him at a club in Chicago and err...there is only so much fronting or chilly hello's that one can dish out and receive in a club setting and so that left no room for any potential fronting. Hahahaha...maybe if he had met me under different circumstances, I might have been on the list of 'those Feddy girls who front too much'. Hilarity!

So to conclude this matter, seriously guys...before you're quick to point accusing fingers at frontin' azz Nigerian girls, why don't you take a step back and analyze your approach (in simple English: Step your game up honey) and the way you are viewing the situation...sometimes it really aint what you make it out to be.

But not too disagree with the fact that yes, there are some Naija babes who are on a whole 'nother P sha ooo but that is besides the marra. :-)

Alrighty, time to sign off. Before I go sha o, nna meeeen this cold don do me strong thing o, chei! No place to hide mayne, e be laik say cold front full ground for everywhere including Miami. I truly no blame those babes who don organize some 'winter runs'. Nahmeannn? Hahahaha...God dey sha, My Lord will keep me warm or as my babe Nicey m go tok...'The Lord is on the throne'...:-D

G'nite mi loves. I promise to make some real blog rounds this weekend.