Monday, December 13, 2010

The Artistic Hater

My name is Original Mgbeke, and I am a hater. Yup, I said it...I am a hater. I proudly hate on people and have absolutely no shame in my game. Now, let's not get it twisted...I'm not one of those catty ass anonymous haters that you will find on websites such as *ahem*...Linda Ikeji and co. Characters masquerading beneath anonymous masks and making all kinds of spiteful, evil comments about people. I strongly believe in the demarcation between criticism and crossing the line into spiteful, personal insults. For instance, if BellaNaija happened to put up a post on BankyW (one of the objects of my haterism), I wouldn't run up in the comment box talking about how he's such a trifling ho sleeping around the streets of Lagos (I just dey make scenario o, abeg no be from my mouth wey una hear say Fanta dey orange). Like how would his fictional trifling ho activities relate to the post at hand...? You get my drift...
So pretty much, I will proudly tell you that I'm a hater, but at the same time I will tell you that I'm an artistic hater. Ya know, I hate in such a way that you don't know that I'm hating :-D...don't side eye me, we all got some artistic hater in us.

Aniwoos, in no particular is a list of random people, groups and things that I love to hate on:

1. Lagos folks: As y'all must know and have probably heard a million times, I'm a Porracourt babe true and true. Born and raised, and lived there for darn near all my life ('cept for some random relocations here and there). In general, PH people are known for being pretty down to earth, having no airs and what have you. Regardless of who your father is, everyone can mix and mingle without feeling like snobs/snubbed. Case in point, #nonamedroppingoranything, but back in PH me and my girls used to roll with the Rivers State Governor's daughter. Granted we met her when her pops was running for elections but still...pre, during and post election, nothing changed and she continued to mix and mingle with us lowly peasants. She also continued to mix and mingle with her high school folks from all backgrounds, and definitely stayed pretty down to earth (still is, actually). That's just an example of how PH folks roll. Sooooo based on that, I just can't get with how materialistic, superficial and shallow most Lagosians appear to be. Granted, all my Naija trips have been PH based and I haven't jammed Lagos in a minute but according to many (1st hand?) reports, Lagos folks are about 'who your father is', 'who you know', 'what circles you roll in' etc etc...which instantly gets the haterism from me 'cos I just can't do shallow fakeness. Oh and I've heard about how everyone and their mama has a British accent, and those darn air kisses sooo errr...Lagosians, by default I love to hate on y'all. Can't wait to land Naija one of these days and give all y'all the side eye...
*Not applicable to all Lagosians. If the shoe fits and things.

2. Queens College aka QC girls: Another of my favorite groups of people that I love to hate on. For a bunch of girls who attended a Federal Government Girls College, QC girls sure be acting like they are on that Vivian Fowler (which I actually hate on part time...matter of fact, I hate on all private schools) level. It's like we no dey hear word again o...every small thing is 'I'm a QC babe' or 'that's how we QC babes roll'. Abegi, y'all ain't that special o jare. One of my best friends is your typical QC babe, and I think that one of the very first things I said to her when we met was 'Oh, so you're one of those annoying QC girls'. Hahahaha, I wonder how we moved beyond that point... *chuckles*. That aside, a couple of my friends are QC girls but that still doesn't stop me from hating on the lot....*snicker*

3. Banky W: I love me some Mr. W's music, but I can't say that I'm a huge fan of the man, himself. I can't give you a specific reason why I love to hate on Banky W. I think it might have stemmed from a reunion back in the day, when he still lived in Yanks and was an up and coming artist. A friend of mine was trying to make friendly talk, nothing groupie-ish, and he just came across as feeling himself a lil too much. I definitely remember standing in the corner and eye-ing him up and down like 'hmmph, what is this one feeling like?'...and since then I've enjoyed hating on the man. However, one other thing that I love to hate on, other than Banky W himself is that perfectly lined beard of his. The thing drives me nuts...
I've vowed that one day I will get him drunk and knocked out, like that mean female did to Wande Coal, but as opposed to stripping Banky nekkid and broadcasting his nude pictures on Twitter, I will simply shave that beard off. Every single hair of it...

4. Pretty Girls: It's kinda sorta common knowledge that I love to hate on pretty girls. Now, when I say pretty girls, I mean those saccharine sweet types of pretty girls like Halle Berry, and not the 'I got spunk and seem like fun' types of pretty girls like Nia Long. Big difference. I'm definitely a hater of the okay, you're pretty and then ?? What else is there to you? Do you have an interesting persona or are you just pretty for nothing? One day, I was so jobless that I actually conducted some kind of poll and determined that all the saccharine sweet kinda pretty girls truly seem to lack personality and the fun factor. What makes it even worse is that men drooooool over these types of girls because 'OMG, they are so pretty' and 'they are dimepieces'. So of course, I have to hate because unpretty girls like me who work hard to look good, also have the added burden of trying to have some sort of personality so that men will find us remotely attractive, while such dry pretty girls get all the men. Hmmph! I definitely have a valid reason to hate.

5. Men: It's no secret, I love to hate on the male species. In my opinion, most of these cats are just out to disturb the peace in women's lives and make a run for it. Plus, I feel like as the days pass, I hear more ridiculous stories that make me want to make drive through someone's son's house and bust his windows or slash his tires. Like seriously. I feel that the world would be a much simpler place if men dropped the bullshit act and kept it 100 with the females. Which one is two timing two women for 4 years, proposing to one, and totally hitting the other (unsuspecting) woman with an upset. Abi which is one is toasting a woman for months and then she finally agrees to show you face and everything is going well, then you suddenly go MIA. Y'all really on some bullshit. Reason #1234567 why yours truly is quite happy being single (apart from the fact that I don't fall into the pretty girl category..heeheee). Aniwoos, I won't waste too much breath on your menfolk, but just know that I definitely love love love to hate on y'all (in an understated and artistic way of course ;) ).

That's all that comes to mind for I'm tired. So, there you have top 5 favorite list of things that I love to hate on. So it's like out there, ain't no shame in my game...Heehee.

With all that said,
Peace, Love and Goodnight