As the new year kicked off, I spent the first few months of it in a relationship that gave me "anxiety". He wasn't a terrible guy but we definitely weren't right for each other, and I initially heaved a sigh of relief when
Besides the uncertainty of my relationship, my job was another thing giving me stress. I felt over-worked and under-appreciated, my new boss got on my nerves, and in general, I was just really over it.
In June, I went to Nigeria for 2 weeks after a 4 year hiatus. I can say that entire trip was my happiest moment in 2016. I truly felt peace and happiness at being back home and away from the "chillaligans". Besides my Portharcourt home base, I went to Abuja to visit family, and went to Lagos for a wedding. As my first Lagos wedding, it was definitely a lot of fun. The turnup was real and unparalleled...now I truly believe it when people say "ain't no party like a Lagos party".
I came back from my Naija vacation refreshed and ready to take on the world. I felt great and a lot of people said that I looked like I lost weight, I said "who me? I swallowed eba almost every day but I'll definitely take it". My skin was refreshed, my post-Naija glow was on fleek, and I was unbothered and rolling in post-vacation bliss...till work resumed getting on my nerves, AND I ran into my ex on two separate instances with 2 different wimmens and I was like whaaat? He moved on that quick??
This led to a series of episodes over the following months where I sat and over-analyzed the entire relationship:
"Well he was a good man, so where did I go wrong?"
"He said he was simple. Sheesh so I can't even keep a simple man happy?"
"Where did I miss the plot?"
"Why does he look so alive when he's with that particular girl that I always see him with. I don't think he was ever that alive with me"
and etc, etc.
To be honest, the analysis hasn't stopped. I have since seen him out and about living his baby boy life and I'm still writing a bunch of research papers in my head but trying to push through it.
Actually, let me just say that the remaining half of 2016 has had me in some sort of a 32.75/33yr life crisis.
I remember a few weeks before I turned 33, I sent a teary message to my sister telling her how I felt like 33 was around the corner and I wasn't dominating any single thing in my life. Not my relationships (obviously), not my friendships (because I suddenly became more self-aware and started questioning some things), not my career, not my purpose/passion, not my goals, not nada, zip, zilch.
Work got crazier, I realized that I was definitely not appreciated in my environment and I was starting to feel drained and truly miserable.
My friend died in August, and I still feel like it's been one bad dream.
And in general, I lost my zest/zeal for a lot of things that used to ginger me.
But it wasn't all gloom and doom. Some good/interesting things happened this year:
1. I passed the Project Management Professional (PMP) exam.
2. I checked off a bunch of things on my DC to-do list. I realized I've lived in the DC/MD/VA area for 15 years and hadn't been to a bunch of museums and sights. So I set out to do some of that this summer and I did great!
3. After whining to a friend about how my ex had moved on so fast, she suggested I join Tinder, and so I did...and deleted my account after one month. But it was an interesting experience overall, and I went on one date! I have absolutely no plans of reactivating my account in the near future, but to any curious minds, I'll say give it a shot. At the very least, it's a good ego booster.
4. I did some travel besides my Naija trip - Puerto Rico for my friend's birthday, and Atlanta for Christmas.
5. I got a new job! And 2 months in, I really like my new client and can say that at the moment, I feel happy going to work. My work schedule is also so much more stable and less stressful.
6. My mom and sister came to visit me twice this year. I always love and appreciate time with both of them. My mom spent 7 weeks for her second visit, and when she left I really missed her. Such a far cry from the days when I thought 3 weeks was overkill, Hehe.
So yep, definitely some pretty good highlights in the year.
Overall, it wasn't a bad year, but it wasn't a great year either. It was just aight. But I'm definitely thankful for the small mercies, for good health, for my new job, and for life cos mennn here today, gone tomorrow...it's crazy.
In the spirit of living life as best as possible, my goal for 2017 is to wake up. In all my reflecting of 2016 and even 2015, I realized that I have been sleeping. Even my mom commented on how I lost my spark and wasn't the usual dorra that she was used to seeing. So I need to wake my ass up and start living my life.
In a nutshell, that was my 2016. How was yours?
