tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70292730781956192382024-02-20T03:23:16.520-05:00Razz is the new cool.Thoughts and observations of a Razz Igbo Girl.Original Mgbekehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11409561613382179987noreply@blogger.comBlogger152125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-38932384792685101632020-04-11T23:39:00.000-04:002020-04-11T23:39:59.761-04:00Peeking InWelllllll look who the cat DRAGGED in. It's funny because every time people asked whether I abandoned my blog, my instant response was always "<i>NOPE...I just haven't had anything to say</i>". This is something that I genuinely enjoyed doing at a point in my life, especially the good ol' days when I was bored at work with nothing to do...and then my brain would start cooking up posts. These days I'm still relatively bored at work but I feel like my brain has shut off/I lost inspiration. Same for Twitter, I used to have a lot to say but these days I'm content with just reading and retweeting. Is this old age?<br />
On that note, I randomly realized that as time passes I've lost a lot of interest in the things that used to ginger me. Chileee I do not even know what that is about.<br />
<br />
Newoos, how did I end up here? I was randomly browsing sites on the laptop and decided to google my blog to see whether it still exists *chuckles*...and somehow I'm here drafting a post with zero head or tail. But let's keep moving and see how it goes.<br />
<br />
As we all know, its April 2020 and the Coronavirus aka COVID-19 is the trending wahala going on in our world. When I think about it, it's pretty insane how things escalated so quickly. I remember making a Costco run at the beginning of March and a lot of things were sold out, this was the beginning of the panic buying rage. And I was thinking "<i>What in the world is happening? Why is Costco so packed? And why is all the Kirkland brand water gone?</i>"...but the next day I went back right when it opened and everything was restocked with a relatively tame crowd. I got what I needed and bounced thinking "<i>I'll be back in about 2 weeks for whatever else</i>". Yeah right. In the space of 2 weeks, everything literally went to shit and now here we are. The entire situation is crazy and I do not even know what to think. At this rate, I'm resigned to a couple of months of isolation because only the Good Lord knows when we are going to get back to our relatively normal routines.<br />
<br />
How have I been handling the isolation period? Chileee I am somebody who enjoys being in da streets and I absolutely miss the homies and the general freedom of just getting up and going. I miss the gym! Home workouts are absolutely not it aka I do not recommend. I miss popping into random stores like TJ Maxx, Homegoods etc and shopping for random stuff that I do not need. I miss dining out - eating in just hits differently from carry out in my opinion. I think that my biggest thing is boredom - I haven't really been in the binge watching mood, the reading mood, the mood to write in my journal, or the mood to really do anything productive with my life. I saw a tweet where somebody said that even sleeping is getting boring and I absolutely relate. I'm also experiencing the opposite of wanting to eat everything in sight aka no appetite..so haven't been in an eating mood either.<br />
<br />
Buttttt, with all that said, I am incredibly grateful to be indoors in a safe space with all the amenities and food that I need and still working a job that pays me amidst this time of uncertainty. And an uncertain time it truly is. In the meantime, na to keep trucking and see how everything plays out.<br />
<br />
Y'all stay safe out there. Hopefully it won't take me another 3 years to pop back in here. Haha!<br />
<br />
Peace & Love.Original Mgbekehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11409561613382179987noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-88439859091005565572017-02-23T23:27:00.000-05:002017-02-23T23:27:06.150-05:00Nigerian Men and HomophobiaIn my experience of interacting of Nigerian men, I've discovered that one common ground that most (read: 100%) of them share is their views on gay men. I've polled both ends of the spectrum and found that whether the man was raised in the trenches of Nigeria, or he was raised abroad and otherwise considers himself to be open minded, when it comes to the topic of gay men, they all think along very similar lines. In summary: Very deep rooted homophobia.<br />What I've found pretty interesting is how lesbian women get a pass and these men aren't as averse to the idea of two women together...but a man and man? God forbid! Even the Lucifers amongst us will bust out their moral compass on this matter.<br />
<br />
A while ago, I was discussing the gay people topic with some folks and one of the guys said that people like Bobrisky should be definitely be imprisoned because they are sending the wrong message to young men. He then added that "<i>homosexuality is not part of the Nigerian culture and values</i>", to which I scoffed and asked what exactly the Nigerian culture and values are. I mean, there's old ass men marrying underage girls, a lot of men and women who sleep around for money, plenty embezzlement and corruption in the system, etc, so I highly doubt that gay people are any threat to the so-called Nigerian culture and values when there's bigger fish to be fried. How is a man who chooses to date another man a part of Nigeria's problem? Chileee, the thing pass me abeg.<br />
Another man in the group stated that no gay man would ever be allowed to visit his home (but please note that lesbians absolutely got a pass). He then gave a ridiculous recount of when he worked in Nigeria as a supervisor, some gay dude came to the office to visit one of his subordinates and he walked the man out of the office and told him never to come back. When the subordinate asked him why he did such a thing, he told her to shut up and face her work or else she would get written up. Brethren, I was speechless. <br />
<br />
What really baffles me about the Nigerian man's view on homosexuality is how hypocritical it always is. Ninjas who are not even prepped and primed to see the Kingdom of Heaven instantly start to preach and quote scripture whenever whenever the topic comes up. As I've asked a lot of people, "<i>if you are out here fornicating. What makes you better than them</i>?". And one man's response? "<i>In my book, fornication is not a sin because sex between a man and a woman is natural</i>". I ain't eem have a response for that one. I no fit shout.<br />
<br />
Seeing that pretty much all the men I know want to choke every time homosexuality is mentioned, the question that I always pose to them is...how would you react if you found out that your son is gay? The varying responses always always go like these:<br />
<i>"God forbid, that will never be my portion" </i><br />
<i>"Then from that point, he is no longer my son"</i><br />
<i>"What? I will send him to Nigeria so that they can pray the gayness out of him"</i><br />
<i>"My son ke? I will drop him in a whorehouse for 2 months so that those women can cure him of being gay"</i><br />
etc etc<br /><br />
I tell you that absolutely none of them wants to entertain the with the idea that hey, this could happen. And I get it to an extent. I'm sure that as a Nigerian parent to a gay individual, life will probably be hard because no matter how open minded and loving you are, you still have to deal with the opinions of Nigerian society and try to protect your child from any backlash. But still, there are Nigerian gay men in our midst...some of who were probably taken to MFM for prayers and then pressured to get married because their parents hoped that prayers and marriage would cure their sexual orientation. We all know how stories like that end...<br />
<br />
Sha, after all the outrage and "chillaligans" ontop this matter, according to what I hear, there are still plenty gay/bi-sexual men roaming around Nigeria. I'm sure they are not sleeping with themselves. So much for our so-called culture and values.<br />
<br />
And that is all she said.Original Mgbekehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11409561613382179987noreply@blogger.com34tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-86630873473177338072017-01-23T21:27:00.003-05:002017-01-23T21:29:08.423-05:00Kiss and Don't Tell<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #191919; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">When a woman gets into sexual relations with a man. It can go a
few ways:<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #191919; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">A. It will remain strictly between you two (your best girlfriend
doesn’t count, hehe) and the man will lock up your business and you will never
hear <i>pim</i> from anybody about it.<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #191919; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">B. The man might have the best intentions in keeping the
relations discreet but somehow can’t resist telling his homeboy. Now depending
on the type of homeboy, it might either stay there or spread far and wide.<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #191919; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">C. The man have served in a town crier role in his previously
life, and currently has a PhD in bitchassedness. As a result, the whole world
will know that about what went down, and how it went down.<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #191919; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">Two Scenarios recently come to mind that illustrate one or more of
the type of guys highlighted above:<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="color: #191919; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">Scenario #1 – Maryjane and Tom</span></b><span style="color: #191919; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;"><br />
There is this babe that I know who is always carrying face anyhow. For purposes
of this gist, let’s call her Maryjane. I don’t care much for Maryjane…and
neither do a certain group of friends that I have. I mean, to be fair sha, she
has no real offense besides the fact that she is always squeezing face but
still…who she be sef?<br />
<br />
So one day I was gathered among that group of friends and Maryjane randomly
came up in the gist. And the conversation kinda went like this…<br />
<br />
<b>Jerry (part of the group of friends)</b>: Forget that babe jare, always
acting like she no dey see pesin. That’s how she smashed Tom but be boning face
like she say she no sabi am.<br />
<b><i>Some of us</i></b>: Wait…whaaaaat? How do you even know this?<br />
<b>Jerry</b>: Yes na. Remember that baby shower that Mike hosted a few months
ago? Apparently Maryjane ran into Tom there and acted like she didn’t know him
and so in annoyance, he told us that he had smashed her in the backseat of his
Honda a few years ago.<br />
<b>Mike</b>: Yeah, he told us that day…boys were amazed mehn!<br />
<b><i>Some of us</i></b>: [A mix of different reactions ranging from “Tom is
such an agbaya” to “dayummm, Maryjane gets down like that??”]<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #191919; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">My personal stance was that for one, Jerry was a fool for
bringing it up. And Tom was definitely a bigger fool and major fuckboy for
telling Jerry and the boys about relations that happened years ago. Ol’ boy is
a married man with 2 kids so Maryjane’s matter should not even be on his radar.
Shouldn’t he be facing his front and thinking about how to provide for his
family rather than exhibiting major foolishness and “exposing” babes about
relations that happened years ago, all because they see him and don’t greet
him?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #191919; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">I mean, like I said ol’ girl’s main offense is that she too dey
bone face. Did that warrant such exposure on her <i>palzonal marras</i>? Just
like that, I an innocent bystander (along with a few others) knows what ol’
girl did in the backseat of a Honda about X years ago. I wither o.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="color: #191919; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">Scenario #2 – Chris Brown, Rihanna, Drake and Kid Ink</span></b><span style="color: #191919; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;"><br />
In another scenario, I know this guy called Chris Brown. Once upon a time,
Chris Brown was always parading one babe named Rihanna up and down the place. I
mean he was with her at weddings, parties, babyshowers, get togethers…you name
eeeeet! Then all of a sudden, we went from seeing Rihanna all over the
place, to never seeing her again. Babe just faded like she was never there.<br />
One day, among a gathering of a very small group of friends, I asked Chris
Brown “<i>Yo, whatever happened with you and Rihanna? Babe just dropped off</i>”
and he responded “<i>I really liked Rihanna and thought she was awesome but I
couldn’t get past the fact that she had smashed the boy Drake so I had to
eventually drop her</i>”.<br />
Please note that Drake lives in North Dakota and is NOT even friends with Chris
Brown. I mean, they know about each other but they aren’t boys by any stretch.
So, what screwed things up for Rihanna, you may wonder?<br />
Apparently, a few years ago, Drake came into town one weekend and was
introduced to Rihanna by a mutual friend – Kid Ink. Somehow, Drake and Rihanna
messed around, and apparently, Rihanna was so fire inna di bed that Drake was
very impressed and went and gisted Kid Ink about every single detail of the
hookup.<br />
So, how did the gist reach Chris Brown na? Wellst Kid Ink and Chris Brown are
best friends so umm yeah, that’s what happened.<br />
<br />
Down the line, Rihanna crossed paths with Chris Brown and as a yeye man he
remembered her gist and wanted to sample the goods and check out the hype for
himself but he had absolutely no grand plans for her. So when she started
asking questions about “<i>where is this going?</i>” “<i>what are we?</i>”,
Chris Brown pulled the classic “<i>it’s not you, it’s me</i>” and dropped the
poor girl. At least the boy Kid Ink had the nerve to admit his mistake in
interrupting Rihanna’s potential destiny when he said … “<i>I know I messed up.
I told Chris Brown too much…</i>”. Smh. All this could have been avoided if
Drake had carried his excitement to fry yam as opposed to going to gist Kid Ink
about the chillaligans.<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #191919; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">So like I say to my ladies, the minute you decide to climb into
bed with a man, it can go a variety of ways. Which is interesting, because I
don’t think that women are into that kiss and tell life. Half the time, I think
women are trying to code their business and won’t be out there saying “<i>Yeah
I climbed Johnson on the backseat of an Okada so how dare he see me and not say
hi</i>”. I wonder whether our coding is because we truly are discreet or
because of the double-standard that goes with women and sexuality. Who knows.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #191919; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">And that is all she said. </span></div>
Original Mgbekehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11409561613382179987noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-67400695667187088382017-01-03T22:36:00.000-05:002017-01-03T22:36:02.927-05:00PackagingMy first real crash course in packaging was in 2012. I was in Nigeria that Christmas chilling with a friend and we decided to hit up a new bar that had just opened and was touted to be this cool and swanky spot. It was a hot afternoon and we were dressed in what I thought was appropriate hot afternoon attire - a maxi dress and casual sandals for me, and since this spot was literally down the street, I skipped the makeup. Ol' dude also kept it pretty simple in jeans and a polo shirt. I didn’t think anything of our baffups, after all it was in the afternoon and we were just going for regular ol' drinks. So that's how we landed at the spot looking very casual and unbothered, and the bouncer gave both of us once-overs and dismissively said "Sorry, only members are allowed inside". Hollup, Hollup! We had so many questions: Members? I didn’t realize one had to be a member to get into a lounge and cool off with a drink. Everything screamed BS but what could we do? The bouncer wasn't giving us any face despite all our questions so we jejely chopped our <i>ela ojukan</i> and carried ourselves elsewhere. But the thing peppered me small sha...like ahn ahn, a whole Mgbeke like me getting bounced? Did they not know who my father in Heaven was? Some real nonsense and ingredient.<br />
<br />
Now the funny thing about this cool story was that my sister and some of her friends had planned to meet us at that same "member-only" bar. So when we got dismissed, I sent her a quick text, telling her not to bother going to that bar and to come and meet us at the other place instead. Darris how my sister rolled up to the spot looking fly in heels, a nice outfit, and makeup on fleek. Her friends were also looking just as nice and put together. Me sef I come shame small, like kai I no even try sha. In all their flyness, they rallied me and my boy up claiming that we should all go back to that bar since they really wanted to check it out. And while I was so skeptical that we would get another round of bouncing, we got to the door and that same bouncer who claimed members only, let all of us in just like that without any wahala at all. No hassle, no questions. I was quite <i>amaxed</i>.<br />
<br />
That was how I truly learned that sometimes in order for people to take notice, you have to package yourself accordingly. Best believe that for the rest of my trip, I made sure that every time I left the house, I was looking as takeaway as possible. The fear of ela is the beginning of wisdom.<br />
Since then, I have seen/observed how packaging has helped some people's cases. A girl/guy might not even be that fine, but the way they carry themselves and pull things together just gives them that extra oomph factor that definitely gets them noticed and opens doors for them (literally and figuratively).<br />
You know how sometimes you see people in the airport dressed to the nines just to fly, and you're wondering why they need a full face of makeup and need to be so dressed up for a simple plane ride. Well, my family friend once got upgraded to business class on an international trip for no reason, and she swears that it was because of how she presented herself at the ticket counter. Personally, I'm all for traveling in true comfort i.e. some comfortable shoes, leggings ('cos comfy leggings are forever the truth), and a make-up free face but if some nice baffs and a beat face will get me that business class upgrade, then please show me the way so that I can comply.<br />
<br />
I also learned so many lessons about packaging in the workplace when I transitioned from working for the Government to the non-Government sector. The former is definitely way more casual than the latter. The first few weeks at my first post-Government job, I used to look around in awe at the falshunz in the office. From my experience, I quickly learned that a lot of times, people tend to take more notice when you are well dressed. You might not even be that smart, but by the time you dazzle them with nice baffs, you have won half the battle. Whoever came up with that "<i>dress for the job you want</i>" idea sure was onto something.<br />
<br />
Even with all my observations and lessons learned, I still don’t have the packaging game down pat on a consistent level. Some days I step out looking like I made some real effort, and some days I don't. But to people are consistently on their game, I say please keep it up. I absolutely enjoy seeing well-packaged people…It just so aesthetically pleasing. I appreciate the babygirls and babyboys out there who give me some visual candy to admire with their packaging game. Keep up the good work guys, and remember…if anyone is beefing you for doing too much, just wave them off and remind them that it is better to be overpackaged than underpackaged #Mgbekewisdom.<br />
<br />
And that is all she said.<br />
<br />
Happy New Year folks!Original Mgbekehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11409561613382179987noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-1205020227929175352016-12-27T21:11:00.003-05:002016-12-27T21:11:25.416-05:002016: My Year in ReviewI started out the year in Aberdeen, Scotland. In my usual tradition, I went to church with my sister and enjoyed bringing in the new year with the good Lord Jesus. I don't know if I've mentioned this, but I have always spent my new year's eves in church. I don't even really go to church during the year (don't let my mom see this), but it's just a mental thing where I feel like I haven't started the year right if I don't start it off in church.<br />
<br />
As the new year kicked off, I spent the first few months of it in a relationship that gave me "anxiety". He wasn't a terrible guy but we definitely weren't right for each other, and I initially heaved a sigh of relief when <strike>he dumped me</strike> we broke it off early-ish in the year.<br />
Besides the uncertainty of my relationship, my job was another thing giving me stress. I felt over-worked and under-appreciated, my new boss got on my nerves, and in general, I was just really over it.<br />
<br />
In June, I went to Nigeria for 2 weeks after a 4 year hiatus. I can say that entire trip was my happiest moment in 2016. I truly felt peace and happiness at being back home and away from the "chillaligans". Besides my Portharcourt home base, I went to Abuja to visit family, and went to Lagos for a wedding. As my first Lagos wedding, it was definitely a lot of fun. The turnup was real and unparalleled...now I truly believe it when people say "<i>ain't no party like a Lagos party</i>".<br />
<br />
I came back from my Naija vacation refreshed and ready to take on the world. I felt great and a lot of people said that I looked like I lost weight, I said "<i>who me? I swallowed eba almost every day but I'll definitely take it</i>". My skin was refreshed, my post-Naija glow was on fleek, and I was unbothered and rolling in post-vacation bliss...till work resumed getting on my nerves, AND I ran into my ex on two separate instances with 2 different wimmens and I was like whaaat? He moved on that quick??<br />
This led to a series of episodes over the following months where I sat and over-analyzed the entire relationship:<br />
"<i>Well he was a good man, so where did I go wrong</i>?"<br />
"<i>He said he was simple. Sheesh so I can't even keep a simple man happy</i>?"<br />
"<i>Where did I miss the plot</i>?"<br />
"<i>Why does he look so alive when he's with that particular girl that I always see him with. I don't think he was ever that alive with me</i>"<br />
and etc, etc.<br />
<br />
To be honest, the analysis hasn't stopped. I have since seen him out and about living his baby boy life and I'm still writing a bunch of research papers in my head but trying to push through it.<br />
<br />
Actually, let me just say that the remaining half of 2016 has had me in some sort of a 32.75/33yr life crisis.<br />
<br />
I remember a few weeks before I turned 33, I sent a teary message to my sister telling her how I felt like 33 was around the corner and I wasn't dominating any single thing in my life. Not my relationships (obviously), not my friendships (because I suddenly became more self-aware and started questioning some things), not my career, not my purpose/passion, not my goals, not nada, zip, zilch.<br />
<br />
Work got crazier, I realized that I was definitely not appreciated in my environment and I was starting to feel drained and truly miserable.<br />
My friend died in August, and I still feel like it's been one bad dream.<br />
And in general, I lost my zest/zeal for a lot of things that used to ginger me.<br />
<br />
But it wasn't all gloom and doom. Some good/interesting things happened this year:<br />
<br />
1. I passed the Project Management Professional (PMP) exam.<br />
<br />
2. I checked off a bunch of things on my DC to-do list. I realized I've lived in the DC/MD/VA area for 15 years and hadn't been to a bunch of museums and sights. So I set out to do some of that this summer and I did great!<br />
<br />
3. After whining to a friend about how my ex had moved on so fast, she suggested I join Tinder, and so I did...and deleted my account after one month. But it was an interesting experience overall, and I went on one date! I have absolutely no plans of reactivating my account in the near future, but to any curious minds, I'll say give it a shot. At the very least, it's a good ego booster.<br />
<br />
4. I did some travel besides my Naija trip - Puerto Rico for my friend's birthday, and Atlanta for Christmas.<br />
<br />
5. I got a new job! And 2 months in, I really like my new client and can say that at the moment, I feel happy going to work. My work schedule is also so much more stable and less stressful.<br />
<br />
6. My mom and sister came to visit me twice this year. I always love and appreciate time with both of them. My mom spent 7 weeks for her second visit, and when she left I really missed her. Such a far cry from the days when I thought 3 weeks was overkill, Hehe.<br />
<br />
So yep, definitely some pretty good highlights in the year.<br />
<br />
Overall, it wasn't a bad year, but it wasn't a great year either. It was just aight. But I'm definitely thankful for the small mercies, for good health, for my new job, and for life cos mennn here today, gone tomorrow...it's crazy.<br />
<br />
In the spirit of living life as best as possible, my goal for 2017 is to wake up. In all my reflecting of 2016 and even 2015, I realized that I have been sleeping. Even my mom commented on how I lost my spark and wasn't the usual <i>dorra </i>that she was used to seeing. So I need to wake my ass up and start living my life.<br />
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In a nutshell, that was my 2016. How was yours?Original Mgbekehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11409561613382179987noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-37863156398941809082016-11-29T23:33:00.001-05:002016-11-29T23:35:16.212-05:00How to Meet a Man 101: Slide up in his DMsI have this male friend who has the best intentions in offering suggestions to get me snatched up and off the dating market. Some of his "award winning" advice that I have gotten in the past included tidbits like "W<i>ear more bodycon dresses and form fitting stuff so that men can see your shape, you know we are visual creatures</i>", "<i>Attend more events and don't worry about the other women who may be your competition, package yourself well and present yourself like a winner</i>", "<i>Switch up your hair and style often, keep men guessing</i>" etc etc. I have received all of his advice with nothing but amusement as I generally find them quite hilarious. Like bro I know you mean well but nope, nope, nope.<br />
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Now recently in a bid to get me married off soon so that he can come and turn-up at my 2017 wedding (Please don't forget to use the hashtag #Mgbekeandthemanyettobelocated2017), my dear friend has suggested that I broaden my horizon and look into social media as a tool for meeting men. In fact, to quote him directly... "<i>Try some of these social media ways, people seem to be connecting through those mediums these days. You just have to diversify your portfolio and adapt to the new ways of finding niggas</i>". Oooh but I had a very good response for him, because if anyone is looking for a diversified social media presence (or absence), I think I have my bases covered: </div>
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<li> There's a Facebook account that I log into every 2 months or so to do my amebo and bounce.</li>
<li>There's a Twitter account that has lain kinda dormant in the recent past but I'm doing much better now (I think)</li>
<li>There's a Pinterest that I don't check</li>
<li>There's an abandoned Tumblr</li>
<li>I don't have a real IG account. But I be knowing.</li>
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So I laid out my "impressive" presence on social media, and said "<i>I am on social media but I still haven't gotten chose so your point exactly</i>?" and the rest of the conversation went like this: </div>
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<b>My friend (henceforth referred to as Him)</b>: Facebook is old news. Instagram is the place to be.</div>
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<b><i>Me</i></b>: Udonmeanit. How so?</div>
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<b>Him</b>: With an active IG account, you can make headway in meeting somebody. But you also have to get out of your comfort zone and message guys too.</div>
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<b><i>Me</i></b>: Wait, what? Like you want me to slide up in random nig's DMs?</div>
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<b>Him</b>: Yeah, what's wrong with that? Isn't that how Nkechi found her new man?</div>
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<b><i>Me</i></b>: Oookay. Not happening bruv. I'm not that thirsty.</div>
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<b>Him</b>: You are approaching this the wrong way. Messaging doesnt mean you are desperate. It's just a conversation starter and you can access the person from there.</div>
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<b><i>Me</i></b>: Abeg this your advice get as e be o.</div>
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<b>Him</b>: Na just simple conversation starter. Keep it light and see if it grows.</div>
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<b><i>Me</i></b>: I'm just cracking up over here at this ridiculous advice. Message ko, message ni.</div>
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<b>Him</b>: Don't dismiss it. You gotta get outside your comfort zone and do something different.</div>
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<b><i>Me</i></b>: Don't hold your breath on this one.</div>
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(End of conversation).</div>
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And in my usual fashion, I was nothing short of amused. Like Hollup! Did this man just advise me to go start DM'ing random nigs from out of nowhere? Choi, this is what happens when you are 33 and don't have no prospects in sight. Good Lawdt! </div>
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Guys just imagine scenario naaa...one fine boy will post a picture of clear blue skies and I will creep up in the DMs like "<i>lovely blue sky innit</i>?". Is it from there that we will launch our forever after because ham so confuse. Real hilarity y'all. </div>
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But I also found it extra amusing that the advice had shifted from "attending events" to "using social media" to meet men. What is next? "<i>Go to the village in Nigeria and find you an Okonkwo</i>?" I'm sure this one is coming next because these days everything is fair game.</div>
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The conversation with my friend also had me thinking about how a lot of us offer the default advice about meeting men in the typical places - weddings, parties, online but hey, they exist in other random places too. I met my ex on the train - my normal commute to and from work. I met another guy that I dated in a parking lot - an unexpected meeting place. I met one other guy that I dated at a festival, to be more specific, while waiting in the suya line, etc etc. Dudes can be located anywhere but the weddings, events, and now the DMs are the more obvious choices for suggestion (which to some extent makes sense I guess). </div>
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Anyway sha, advice on attending more weddings and events I can stomach. DMs is a "boy you tripping" and like I told my friend...DM ko, DM ni. Abeg that one pass my power o.</div>
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And that is all she said.</div>
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Original Mgbekehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11409561613382179987noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-63532545408850766152016-04-06T23:06:00.000-04:002016-04-06T23:06:56.506-04:00For Petty People Who Do Not Know How To Let Things GoThis one is for us.<br />
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I’m one of those people who considers herself to be pretty self-aware. I know my strengths and I know my weaknesses in equal amounts. I try not to live in denial about who I am and will gladly tout both my strengths and weaknesses if asked. <br />
In that token, I have to acknowledge/confess that one of my biggest weaknesses is my petty, unforgiving, I will hold a grudge and remember your matter nature. Back in the day it was called “keeping malice”, haha.<br />
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For some reason, when I was younger I lived in self-deception thinking that I was quick to forgive. All lies. I think that as I grew older, I started to realize that although I was cool or had supposedly moved past old hurts from my “enemies” (as I secretly think of them as), I still was not over whatever it was that they did. For instance, for the longest time, I held a slight grudge against an ex for breaking up with me 2 days before my birthday AND not buying me the red Blackberry that I was supposed to get for my birthday gift. Hellooooo, Blackberrys were the rage then and I was supposed to be part of the cool kids club but it wasn’t even about the gift, it was more about the principle. <br />Who breaks up with someone right before their birthday??? Needless to say, It’s been well over many years and we “<i>moved past it</i>” but I haven’t completely forgotten his matter. I’m going to remember to point him out to my kids in 15 years and say “<i>You see that uncle over there? He pissed me off in 19 gbogboro and I haven’t forgotten so don’t greet him and don’t play with his kids!</i>” *chuckles*...I keed, I keed.<br />
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In the same token, I think I hold grudges against 90% of the men in my past. Ironically, we never even had crazy bitter endings and if I currently relate with any (which is rare ‘cos I generally believe that exes = Ex-communication), then we are at least cordial. But none of them should expect me to save them if we were combating world hunger and I had an extra piece of bread *evil laugh*<br />
If I have to be honest, I will admit that I secretly or not so secretly hold these grudges because for the most part they were the ones to do the rejecting in one form or the other, and another major weakness that I have is my pride/ego. Like ehnnn, you want to reject a whole ME??? Do you know who I am?? But that's another post for another day...<br />
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Speaking of ex-communication, this totally works for petty people like me. I remember one of my coworkers crying about some dude who had wronged her and I was like wellll I hope you’ve blocked him off every form of social media, deleted his number, and if possible deleted his existence from his life…and she said nope. I was confused, as for me this would so be the default thing to do. Delete, delete, delete. I used to date this other guy who was every thoughtful and did nice things like make a CD of “our songs” (how cute), and some other kain nice gifts. When things abruptly ended, I broke the CD and tossed all his gifts in the trash. I want absolutely no reminders of you sir. Now be gone while I try to move on. And best believe he will definitely not get a piece of bread if he was dying and I had the last<br />
Disclaimer: If na expensive gift i.e. phone, bag, shoes….honey, you can remind me anytime!<br />
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Men and their matters aside, my “<i>I remember your matter”</i> attitude is generally equal opportunity to the sexes. A friend of a friend pissed me off in 2004, we got into a screaming match, and now it’s 2016 and I still don’t like her ass based on that incident. I doubt I ever will.<br />
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I’m sure most of us have experienced those friends who have coded certain things that happened in their lives – new job, engagement, baby on the way etc. I’ve definitely made a mental note of all those types of people and have oh so pettily planned that when my own celebration comes in any shape or form, I will treat their misbehavior. Oh, you waited 6 months to tell me that you were having a baby? Best believe that when it’s my turn, you won’t even hear PIM from me until a friend of a friend tells you about the baby’s christening (you won’t even hear about that from me sef). My general mantra is = treat people as they treat you, and if you have to, go above and beyond in showing them pepper.<br />
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In this journey of pettiness, I’ve had a lot of well-meaning people advise me to “<i>be the bigger person</i>” and “<i>just let it go</i>. And I just want to say that I don’t think people realize the true and legit struggle that it is for a petty person like me to be the bigger person and let things go. Whaat? Impossicant! I want to plan how to deal with my offender’s f-up. I want to fantasize about their downfall. When I'm truly in that zone, I have absolutely no desire to embrace maturity and let things go. <br />In my opinion sef, maturity and calm is so overrated and doesn’t get people very far anyway. Why do you think crazy, bitchy people stay winning in life? Hmm hmm.<br />
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Aniwoos, I can’t say that I’m working on this character flaw of mine, cos the truth is that I’m not. I think I was born petty and will die petty and it is what it is. To people who can truly live life without bearing grudges and remembering people’s matter, I doff my hat to una o. That’s definitely an admirable trait in this world that we live in.<br />
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And that is all she said.Original Mgbekehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11409561613382179987noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-71900792190650754812016-03-16T22:03:00.000-04:002016-03-16T22:06:35.051-04:00How to Deal with Life’s Pressures: Cook Them in Your Internal Pressure Cooker<div class="MsoNormal">
One of the huge complexes that I had when I was a bit younger was the amount of time that I spent in College compared to my peers. To provide context, I got into Community College in September 2001, and graduated from a 4-year institution in May 2007. So that was about 6 years vs. the standard 4-year college career.</div>
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I started out with most of my “mates and juniors” and it was all good till they started graduating one by one…some as early as 2 years before me. Then it hit me like ahh my mates have left me behind, and I’m still here dulling. It also didn’t help that I would run into folks at random events and they would ask questions like “<i>ah ah, you haven’t graduated yet</i>?” or “<i>when are you graduating</i>?” and finally when I did graduate, a couple of people definitely told me “<i>Congratulations. It was about damn time</i>”. </div>
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As with most other pressures in life, there was that societal aspect which contributed to the pressure of feeling like I needed to be done with school ASAP. There was always that well-meaning aunt/uncle here and there who would ask “<i>Sooo when is Mgbeke graduating</i>?” And in turn, my parents were always anxiously asking/commenting… “<i>Soooo when are you graduating</i>?”, “<i>Is this your last semester</i>?”, “<i>I ran into Nkechi’s mom, and she said that Nkechi just graduated and got a job with Bill Gates</i>”. Eeyah, I can’t blame them sha. I’m sure they must have indeed felt some type of way because their friends’ kids were graduating and going onto big things like shiny new jobs and/or advanced degrees while I seemed to be stagnant in my perpetual college student status.</div>
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I would go to events and people would ask “<i>what do you do</i>?” and I felt embarrassed to say that I was still in school when other people were giving more interesting responses like “<i>I just got a job at so and so company</i>” or “<i>I’m getting a Masters degree in this field</i>”. Everyone just seemed so mature and accomplished and I felt very much inadequate and insecure in my regular college kid status.</div>
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In retrospect, I don’t know why I made such a big deal about spending an extra 2 years in school. I don’t know why I didn’t just enjoy the moment as opposed to tacking on 18 credit hours most semesters and paying for summer classes because I was so pressed to be done with college. Till today I still regret not taking advantage of study abroad opportunities, and not doing more in general with my college experience because I was so focused on G-day aka Graduation day. </div>
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Well…I’ve been out of college for almost 9 years and I still ask myself: what was all this hype to rush out of school and get a degree for? Besides the perks of getting a real salary and not being a broke college student anymore, the post-college transition into the “Real world” is generally quite overrated. </div>
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To be honest, I might have thought that getting that much coveted Bachelor’s degree next to my name and graduating onto to the real world would solve everything and fix all my insecurities. But nope, cos apparently nobody told me about the next pressure which was the one about getting a “good job” compared to my peers in my industry…*sigh*</div>
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As I quickly learned, graduating from college was just a minute piece in one of the pressures in life. There are so many other “graduations” in life where other people seem to be progressing to the next stage and unfortunately, some others seem to be behind in the race. The most commonly discussed one among the young wimmens of my generation is marriage. But as I learned from finally obtaining that Bachelors degree (i.e. having one wasn’t the answer to everything), I’ve also come to realize that contrary to popular belief, graduating to the level of “Mrs” is not going to solve all your problems ‘cos there are more pressures awaiting you down the line.</div>
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- There’s the pressure to have kids. For some, as soon as you’ve said your “I dos”, the womb watchers emerge from the woodworks. Heck, I’ve been to weddings where in the speeches/prayers, comments like “<i>we can’t wait to celebrate in 9 months</i>” have been not-so casually thrown in. </div>
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Even if one is blessed/lucky to have a child, there is that pressure to add more to the breed. I know someone who had a child and was trying to conceive for 3+ years. And she definitely felt the pressure because a lot of her friends who had also conceived their first-born kiddies around the same time that she did, had already moved on and were well into their Baby #2s.</div>
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- And even in having kids, there’s that “<i>I’ve had 3 girls but my husband really wants a boy</i>” type of pressure. This definitely still exists, 2016 or not. Again, I know somebody who felt this weight on her shoulders but we praise the Good Lord, she finally bore a baby boy for her <strike>Igbo</strike> husband.</div>
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- There’s the pressure of metamorphosing into a “<i>yummy mummy</i>” soon after childbirth. My people, these new moms these days are not shining teeth o with their #Teamsnapback and tinz. I’m sure some of them definitely feel that pressure to fit into their size 6 pants well ahead of schedule. They will be saying to themselves “<i>Ah ah, if Nikky can do it, why can’t I</i>?”. The tension dikwa very real.</div>
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Shoot I don’t blame them jare, these yummy mummies are even tensioning me with my never-had-kids self. I saw one mom of 4 wearing a croptop the other day and I said ehn? #ThatcouldbemebutItoolikepoundedyam</div>
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It truly doesn’t end…</div>
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Marriage aside, there are other graduations taking place. Your mates are buying houses, but you are still apartment living. Your mates have discovered their passions and know what they want to do with their lives, but you are still in limbo trying to figure it out. Your mates are managers and supervisors, but you are yet to supervise a cockroach. Your mates in your industry all seem to have great jobs and are making 7 figures and you’re still floundering in the same position. <i>Sidebar</i>: Man, Linkedin can definitely serve as a source of tension o. Some days I just be browsing profiles like wow, everyone else on Planet Earth seems to have it together with a high-flying career, 3 Masters degrees, and must be making like 7 figures with that really impressive resume. And I’m just like winging it and BS-ing on this job and wondering whether I’m underpaid.</div>
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Life is indeed a revolving cycle of pressures. It’s always one thing or the other. Ever wonder why some of our parents pressure us so much over somethings? Cos even they feel the pressure compared to their mates. Their friends’ children seem to be graduating to new levels, while their children seem to remain stagnant in the same position. But after my college experience and dealing with that pressure plus the other ones that came after it, I have learned that the best way to deal with pressure is to cook it and try not to let it consume me. Worrying about what I can’t control (if indeed I can’t control it) doesn’t help much.</div>
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No matter the specific pressures that each of us is dealing with, my prayer for us all is that all that we desire will come to us in Jesus name…but in the meantime, keep cooking those pressures and don’t let them cook you.</div>
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And that is all she said. </div>
Original Mgbekehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11409561613382179987noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-53813380620628118162015-08-18T00:25:00.000-04:002015-08-18T00:25:22.056-04:00Own Your BlessingsThe other day on Twitter, I was scrolling through my timeline and read a tweet from someone who opined that when people make statements such as “<i>I’m blessed</i>”, it comes off like such people think they are better than everyone else, which is offensive. According to the Tweeter, a statement like “<i>I’m fortunate</i>” would be more appropriate than declaring how blessed you are.<br />
I read it, thought to myself “<i>na wa o</i>” and jejely waka’ed on my merry way.<br />
Later on in the day, I hopped back onto my timeline and of course, there was a whole discussion on blessings, being blessed, being lucky, being fortunate and all that shabang.<br />
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Well folks, here are my thoughts…<br />
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1. For one, nobody should have a say in how the next man feels about his life. As much as even I am guilty of rolling my eyes at people who constantly want to hammer my eardrums with declarations of “<i>I’m so blessed</i>”, “<i>Blessed and highly favored</i>” (mainly because I'm like oya na, let us hear word), I can’t take their blessedness away from them. If they feel that they have God's favor, then who am I to disagree? If they feel blessed, then Glorayyyy! I sure won’t be the one to pour sand in their garri or be mad that this person has declared his/her life’s blessings. I’ve also never felt that such people are better than me, so me thinks that if you are feeling some type of way because Jane your neighbor said she is blessed then na you sabi. In fact like someone put it during the discussion, "<i>If you feel offended because someone said that he/she is blessed, then that one don pass their paygrade. Take your issue up with the God that blessed them</i>". #KpomKwem<br />
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2. Situations are constantly changing. People don’t have it all together and wonderful 24/7/365 so if someone is currently enjoying what they deem to be the goodness of God in their lives and declare themselves blessed as a result, why should his neighbor who has been praying for the same thing be offended, or feel inferior? I encourage confidence even in spirituality. I also encourage the acceptance that not everyone was born on the same day, so comparisons do us no good.<br />
Yes, you and someone might have been competing for the same job, he got hired and you didn’t. If he thinks he is blessed, you should also have the mentality that you are just as blessed. Maybe your own blessings might be in a much more prominent and higher paying position than the one that you got rejected for. Or maybe your own blessings will be in an entirely different path than what you anticipated. But regardless, be happy for the person and don’t feel “offended” because he has boldly declared his blessings…after all, there is probably something in life that you are be blessed with, and somebody else is praying for. That’s life for you.<br />
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3. Let’s address the plane crash/fatal accident example that I keep seeing in reference to blessings i.e. “<i>Does surviving a fatal crash/accident mean that you’re more blessed than the others who didn’t make it?</i>”…My answer is: I doubt it. I mean… look at the instances of all his servants who have died in such scenarios e.g. Dr. Myles Munroe, Pastor Bimbo Akintola etc. I’m sure that they were indeed very much blessed by God. But His ways are very mysterious.<br />
As I recall, there have been conversations around the perceived insensitivity of people coming out to declare their blessings amidst such tragedies. But when you think about it? Can you blame them?<br />
I think that if I just survived a fiery crash, my first and immediate reaction would be to thank God for blessing me with another chance to live. If this offends a family member of someone who hypothetically doesn't survive, that would not be my intention but would be out of my control. I would consider myself blessed to see another day, and because I believe in a higher power, I would attribute my survival to God's mercy and blessings and not “<i>I sat at the back of the aircraft</i>” or some other type of rationalization for why I survived. Does the fact that I would consider myself blessed in such a scenario, mean that I think I am better than someone who didn't survive? Not at all.<br />
In a more recent example, a lot of people have been dealing with the aftermath of the Bristow Helicopters crash and the unfortunate death of what seemed to be a very promising and nice young man. I noticed that after the crash and the co-pilot’s passing, some people were tweeting things along the lines of “Thank God for blessing me with another day”. Should that offend anybody? I hope not. Like I said above, I believe that life and the opportunity to see a new day, are blessings. Every morning when I wake up, I say "<i>thank you Lord for blessing me with the chance to see a new day</i>", so its not today that I will start to censor my thanks in a bid to please anybody.<br />
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4. Last but not least, the power of positive confession and gratitude. This is something that sooooo many people talk about so it must mean something right? If your parents are the most awesome and always provide for you, shey you will always sing their praises and declare how blessed you are to have such parents. Such is the same for people who always hit us with the “<i>I’m so blessed</i>”. Again, I definitely roll my eyes at these people for not letting me hear word. But it is their reality, and if that is their way of expressing gratitude then alrighty then. Maybe that is why they seem to be so blessed sef. Baba God don see how they keep hailing them and continues to send more blessings their way. Who knows…<br />
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That concludes my musings for the day. I’m no bible thumper but c’mon we can’t entirely police ourselves in order to be politically correct and please everybody. If you feel blessed and want to let the world know, then please do so. The highest you will get is an eye roll here or there, but it’s cool…an eye roll never killed anybody.<br />
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And that is all she said.Original Mgbekehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11409561613382179987noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-90532089006159751672015-06-10T00:14:00.004-04:002015-06-10T00:18:07.735-04:00Bleachers Gonna Bleach<div style="color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">I’ve always wondered why people get so up in arms about bleaching, bleachers, and the whole “<i>chillaligans</i>” (in my Joseline Hernandez voice). Case in point… As long as I’ve been aware of the oh-so popular Toke Makinwa, I’ve also been much aware of the fact that she supposedly bleached her skin. I mean, if Toke bleached skin in 1999, it’s 2015 and people will still not allow the girl to rest.<br />You see a post like “<i>Toke stuns in new photoshoot</i>” and one Ajayi will come and comment “<i>ehnn, why is she hiding those dark knuckles</i>?”, or “<i>Toke at a charity event</i>” and someone will say “<i>She’s so fake with her over-bleached self</i>”. Me I just be observing like make una free the girl abeg. She bleached and so what? Did it affect your own melanin or the lack of it? Let’s move all move onto other topics. Her yellow is here to stay. Shoot if you ask me sef, I think that if people are going to go the bleaching route then they need to even hit up Toke for her strategy. Her own bleaching job seems to be well executed. No coke and Fanta behavior per the pictures that I have observed of her.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">But seriously sha, you go fear Naija people aka the Bleaching Police. Someone cannot come and be forming yellow and fresh without one other person coming at them with allegations of bleaching. I’ve read so many comments on blogs where the conversation would go like this:<br /><br /><b>Commenter 1</b>: Ehnn, isn’t this the same Mary that was so dark in Uni? Na wa oooo, awon bleachers, God is watching una o *insert judgmental rant*<br /><b>Commenter 2</b>: That’s a big fat lie. Mary has always been light skinned and she obviously lives in London now, so duhh the air there makes people’s complexions fresher.<br /><b>Commenter 3</b>: Tahhh, she bleached jare. Look at her knees and knuckles (apparently the quickest way to spot a bleacher is be peeping the knuckles)<br /><b>Commenter 4</b>: I’m light skinned and have dark knuckles and I’ve never touched a bottle of Jik in my life. You guys need to stop jumping to such conclusions, it’s ridiculous!<br /><br />*debate ensues*</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Me in the cut</b>: *facepalm*<br /><i>Side bar</i>: Do people get as much in arms about other body modifications i.e. breast implants and such? I wonder.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">I definitely will not drink Panadol ontop of what someone else chooses to his/her skin? You are an adult and you understand the potential repercussions abi? Okay, go ahead and do what makes you happy. <i>The thing wey you dey chop no dey make me mess</i>. My only plea to <b>#TeamJik</b> is, abeg do the job well and don’t assault us with eyesore color-blocking skin behavior. I dey beg una.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">In the same vein, I’m not mad at people like Dencia who have chosen to profit from the bleaching/skin lightening industry with her Whitenicious line. That’s her hustle so she should go ahead and make that money. I know that she gets a lot of flack for brazenly promoting that line, but much as a lot of sanctimonious individuals choose to insult and criticize her, it seems that she is still doing very well in the business. Despite all said and done, the “Laiskin” industry seems to be trending, and a lot of folks want a piece of the action.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Now, if we drill down to the reasons for why people bleach…I think that a commonly stated assumption is that people who bleach are insecure. And they could very well be… who knows. Or they might be a Caitlyn Jenner* and claim that they’ve always felt like they were meant to be light skinned but were born in a dark skinned person’s body . Again, who knows.<br />Everyone indeed has their reasons. Some may indeed be borne out of wanting be more attractive to the opposite sex i.e. “<i>I want to be more attractive to men, because most men I meet say that they prefer a light skinned woman</i>”, or some just might think that light is right, and they never want to be wrong. Na only them sabi and in the end, despite all the outrage that some people express over in the matter, in the end, bleachers still gonna bleach and I won’t waste valuable Panadol ontop of their headache.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">*On that Caitlyn Jenner matter, someone had a tweet that was the WORD during the whole uproar about Bruce/Caitlyn’s gender change. She asked why everyone was so accepting on Caitlyn, but would be the first to slang and haul all types of insults at people who bleach. So so true.<br />So, like I said…going forward I don’t want to hear any pim, pam, pom about the likes of Toke and co, ‘cos when it comes down to it, all na the same modification of self.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">In the end, if you are comfortable with your skin color and not about that bleaching life then that’s truly what’s up. If you want to bleach for whatever reasons known to you, do you (be sure to research the implications and remember to keep it as flawless as possible #Saynotocokeandfanta). Like the boy Meek Mill said, "<i>I aint judging though, they aint on trial"</i>, so no judgment from me. I have bigger fish to fry than worry my pretty head over what someone else chooses to do with his/her body.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">And that is all she said.</span></div>
Original Mgbekehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11409561613382179987noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-37382510077745323622015-05-27T23:46:00.000-04:002015-05-27T23:46:44.750-04:00Some Married Men and the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Policy<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">A while ago, I attended a friend’s wedding and ended up sitting beside a fine young man in church. We got to chatting and I found him to be a nice fella. At the reception, we went our separate ways but reconnected again at the bar where we got to talk some more and made plans to meet up the next day.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="color: black;">The next day, we met up and in summary probably spent a good 5-6 hours together doing nothing but innocent chilling and gisting. I was simply enjoying the company of a fine young man without thinking too far ahead into the situation.<br />So errr, when a well-intentioned friend who had seen us hanging together at the wedding, hit me up that next day and asked me “<i>How do you know Mr. XYZ</i>?” I responded that I didn’t know him from anywhere, and was just meeting him that weekend. She then hit me with the “<i>well, be careful sha because he’s married</i>” advice and I was like WORD? Married ke? <i>I never hesperrerit</i>.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="color: black;">And so since he was in “<i>my very before</i>” (aka presence), I digested the information and turned to ask him… “<i>Mr. XYZ, word on the street is that you’re married. Is this true</i>?” and he said “<i>Yes I am…I figured that Jane would tell you eventually</i>”.<br />I can’t even explain the type of side eye that I gave him that day. Like hold up dude! We’ve been in each other’s’ presence for how many hours, and you needed me to hear about your marital status from a 3<sup>rd</sup> party? BRUHH.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="color: black;">To be honest, ol’ boy never said anything to me that was out of line or that screamed “trifling”. Our interaction was truly just great conversation with some refreshments and small chops in the mix but I just found it really questionable that we had literally spent hours together and not one peep, pim, or mention of a wife entered the equation. The thing really get as e be o. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /><span style="color: black;">Ultimately, he gave some explanations… “<i>I just wanted to get to know you independent of the marriage tag</i>” and asked me… “<i>Would you have been as open with me if I said told you that I was married from the jump</i>?”. An explanation that I thought was just tales as I pointed out to him that when I met my closest male friend, in 5 minutes he had already told me that at the time, he had just gotten married to a gal in Nigeria. And that didn’t stop us from flowing and geling as friends.<br />Me, I sha said that I would have appreciated some transparency and honesty cos that deliberate omission was shady. But in the end, we cleared up the situation and spent the remainder of the hangout session in good company albeit an increased awareness of the situation. Shady non-disclosure aside, I still think that Mr. XYZ was a very cool individual, definitely the perfect gentleman at all times, and I don’t regret the interaction at all.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="color: black;">But that definitely got me thinking about some of these Naija men and their coded policies. It’s literally a “<i>don’t ask me, and I won’t tell you</i>” situation these days. That situation that I described above was not the first time I had met, interacted and flowed well with a guy and then belatedly found out that he was married. What is up with that?<br />When I get married, first of all I need my husband to wear his damn ring 24/7 (Like seriously, why don’t these men wear their rings?), and even with the ring, he gotta namedrop “<i>my wife</i>” like 2 seconds into any interactions with females. LOL.<br />But on the real…Dear Husband can’t be out there kiki-ing it up and spending significant time with a woman with zero mention of me. Nope, that wont fly bruv. SAY MY NAME and make sure the girl knows it very well. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="color: black;">That’s how some of these females get entangled with married men and they don’t even know it at the beginning. By the time they find out, some of them are too sprung to walk away. I’m in no way justifying those relations but I can see how some situations can get real complex. I had this ex-coworker that dealt with a married man for about 4 years, and she said she only found out that he was married about 8 months into their relationship by which time she was way too sprung to leave the situation. Now why she carried her leg and stayed there for 4 years, na only she know ooo. But sometimes these men stay on that non-disclosure and deliberate omission behavior and then women get all caught up and can’t flee from the devil. Again, I make no excuses for the side-chick behavior but I’m just saying.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="color: black;">Sha sha, based on that deal with Mr. XYZ, I have decided that going forward, I’m going to straight up start asking dudes “<i>Are you married</i>?” before continuing any conversations. These days it’s not only by bare ring finger that you will know o, as a lot of bruvs don’t wear their rings out there on these streets. Sha, I can't even guarantee that all married men will be truthful about thier status but I know that the Lord on the Throne will definitely give me the spirit of discernment in these matters. Aminnnn.<br /><br />Knowledge is power, and it’s good to remain aware. That’s how you will be innocently minding your business and some random girl is mean-mugging you and you’re wondering why. It just might be some man’s disgruntled wife who thinks you are after her husband, meanwhile the man didn’t even tell you that he was married. That is how wahala starts.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="color: black;">And that is all she said.</span></span></div>
Original Mgbekehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11409561613382179987noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-57172009743921230382015-02-10T21:48:00.001-05:002015-02-10T21:52:25.763-05:00Random Yarns on TravelI recently went on a vacation to Capetown, South Africa, and on my way to the airport to catch my flight, I ran into a 50-something year old lady on my shuttle who was so excited to be traveling. She said that she hadn't left the U.S. since she was about 18 years old. She was heading to India to get certified as a yoga instructor...or something along those lines. That conversation had me thinking about how people like me who have gotten some chances to travel, tend to take it for granted that everybody else hops on a plane and travels. I remember being so shocked when someone at my old job told me that the only time she had left the state of Maryland was on a trip to New York for a friend's party. And even more recently, someone else told me that she hadn't been out of the U.S. except for when she traveled to Jamaica for her honeymoon. I found that to be so interesting.<br />
<br />
I'm no world traveler but between 2008 and present, I've managed to check the following new cities/countries/places off my list:<br />
<br />
1. Costa Rica<br />
2. Kuwait<br />
3. Aberdeen, Scotland<br />
4. Cancun, Mexico<br />
5. Dubai, U.A.E<br />
6. Toronto, Canada<br />
7. Barbados<br />
8. Capetown, South Africa<br />
9. San Jan, Puerto Rico<br />
<br />
To the travel gods and the main G-O-D, thanks for making these trips happen. <br />
<br />
I would love to do more/go more places but <em>iraintalwaysheezy</em>. There are a lot of factors that hinder the wanderlust spirit within...such as other financial commitments (pepper never rest to be flying up and dan yanno), vacation time available from ze place of employment, and as I recently discovered since switching to the world of Consulting, how your client utilization hours are affected by too much time off and how this subsequently affects the profit your managers can make on your head. This trip to SA alone had my manager slyly hinting to me on some "<em>you can always work evenings and weekends to make up your hours</em>" (as if I had a choice) so yours truly was indeed working 10 hour days plus some weekends to boot. Chai, I sometimes miss the stability of 40 hour work weeks at the Government. <br />
<br />
I think that one other factor that affects grand travel plans is if going to Nigeria for Christmas enters the equation. My mom has some huge delusions that I should be visiting home every Christmas, to which I silently <em>yimu</em>. Nigeria is an expensive waka, and definitely not the relaxing, scenic vacation that man pikin needs sometimes. To you guys who go to Naija every December, then throw in 2 other exotic locations per year, I definitely salute.<br />
<br />
In other travel yarns, during my layover at Heathrow on this Capetown journey, some lady lost her handbag and literally fainted from a panic attack. She was so distressed. Poor thing! I really hope she found it and everything turned out okay for her. On behalf of my fellow absent minded, forgetful people, I definitely empathized with her. I've had my crazy forgetful travel moments too...<br />
<br />
...like the time I was to catch a flight from JFK to Aberdeen, drove all the way to my friend's house in Jersey, and while trying to check in online, realized that yours truly had forgotten her passport in MD. So guess who woke up bright and early the next day to make a 6 hour round trip just to grab the damn passport?<br />
<br />
...or the other time my friend gave me a ride to an airport an hour away and I realized that I forgot my hand luggage at home. WHO FORGETS THIER HAND LUGGAGE? *raises hands*. What had happened wasssssssss...uh huh! I can just hear my mother scolding in the background "<em>You are so so so absent minded</em>" as she usually does. What can I say mama? I'm working on it! We can't be great at everything yanno! The good thing about those experiences is that I now triple check that I have my passport and hand luggage. In fact I actually write a "to pack" list before I travel and this really helps to keep me in check.<br />
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Last but not least, in these travel related yarns...I have a travel "bucket" list which is as follows:<br />
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- Randomly get upgraded to business class on an international flight. It's happened to my mom and 2 other people I know. Like heyy, can the people who man the check-in desk just see me and shine their light of favor upon me?? I'm still hoping...until then, na economy class wey we dey tanda for.<br />
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- Visit at least 35 of the 50 U.S. States, last time I counted I was at 20.<br />
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- Knock off the following more cities/places/countries off my list: Rio De Janeiros, Brazil; Greece (hey Santorini!!); Tokyo/Hong Kong/Somewhere around the continent of Asia; South of France; Hawaii. There's more but these are on the top of my list.<br />
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- Fill up my passport with stamps before it expires in 2019. <em>And then replace it of kerse</em>.<br />
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- The obligatory Eurotrip.<br />
<br />
Dassit in a nutshell. I hope to check each and every single one of these sooner than later. But until then, it's back to the grind and back to trucking along until the next vacation opportunity arises. C'est la vie.<br />
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Peace and Love.Original Mgbekehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11409561613382179987noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-80654690760327601802015-01-20T18:56:00.001-05:002015-01-20T19:13:30.308-05:00Rich or Poor, Swag or No Swag, a Jerk will Still be a JerkFirst of all, can I just say a very belated happy new year to you all? My happy New Year wishes on this blog are always quite belated…but you know my mentality of “<em>better late than never</em>” which definitely rings very true this month. January never even finish and I’ve heard of more than enough deaths and seen more RIPs that I’ve cared to see. We thank God for his mercies in keeping us thus far and I pray that we won’t have cause to mourn any of our loved ones this year, AMIN.<br />
Now onto the gist of the day…<br />
<br />
Recently I was having a conversation with 2 male coworkers about men and their levels of income, and what I was willing to accept based on such levels. They asked if I could date a man who I made more money than, and I said yes. They then followed up with “<em>would you date a man who made X dollars less than you?</em>” And my response was No. <br />
Nna ehn, you go fear vex. They started preaching to me about how superficial we women can be and blah blah and ended the tension-filled rant with “<em>A lot of you women miss out on a good man who can treat you right because you are so focused on money and finances</em>”. <br />
Ultimately their rants fell on deaf ears for 2 reasons:<br />
1. I am far from materialistic.<br />
2. A woman is still allowed to have preferences yanno.<br />
3. I’m so over people tensioning said women about their preferences and then pulling out the "<em>a man who makes less money/doesn’t have swag/isn’t fine/[and all the other “disadvantages” that he may have] will treat you right so stop aiming high</em>"<br />
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It’s like the formula for a good man these days is one who falls below a woman’s standards and expectations because “<em>OMG, Swagger boys are trouble</em> (which I admit most of them are but still…), <em>Accomplished men are entitled azzholes</em>, <em>and a simple guy will treat you like a queen</em>”. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is where I have to call BS on such tales by moonlight. What are we basing such cool tales on? <br />
It has not gotten to the point where it is a sin for a woman with an MBA to say that she wants a man who also has an MBA because "<em>gosh, relax your standards...besides men with MBA are jerks. Go for the LPN or CNA instead, he will love you well well</em>", "<em>or go for the man with an Associates degree, he will treat you better</em>". Such yeye talk. <br />
<br />
After talking to my family friend about a recent relationship that didn’t end too well for her, and how she heavily relaxed her standards for the guy who turned out to not even be worth the hassle at all, I said that I’ll be darned if going forward, I open my mouth and advise any woman to compromise on what she wants from a man. I might not find it to be reasonable but you know what, your life is yours to live and my 2 cents doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme. If any woman gets up today and says that she won’t marry until she can snag a Dangote, I won’t vex because what she chop no dey make my bele run. There is no guarantee that she will find happiness with broke Mufasat from the street so who am I to advise her to give up her dreams of snagging a Dangote type? In the end, even if she never finds what she wants and chooses to stay single because of that, that’s her own concern and nobody else’s. Folks might be sniggering behind such a woman’s back on some “<em>that’s why she’s still single</em>” but hey, she’s single and probably happier than settling for a man who didn’t meet up to her expectations and constantly having to compare him to other people’s richer husbands. Her choices are her choices.<br />
<br />
Men can be the most superficial individuals but nobody tells them “<em>Give up your dreams of catching a Beyonce, because a Beyonce will not treat you right but a Whoopi will</em>”. Nope, never heard that before. So why do we preach to women to relax their standards on some phantom theory that the man that they relaxed their standards for will be the knight in shining armor? Idongerrit. <br />
Sha sha like I said, I sure as heck won’t be the one to tell a woman that she can’t want what she wants. <em><strong>#Yesshecan2015</strong></em>!<br />
What’s that saying? Aim for the stars and you will get the moon or something like that…<br />
It’s not ontop singlehood that babes will just fall for any and everything on top of “<em>he will treat you like a queen</em>”. Cool stories that chill the bones.<br />
<br />
Come to think of it, all the extra superficial, high-azzed requirements babes that I know actually ended up with their exact spec so who said that its not good to want the better things in life. And hey, even if their husbands might be jerks, like I’ve said and will say…isn’t it better to cry in a Maserati than cry inside Molue cos the way I see it is this…rich or poor, a jerk is still going to be a jerk so don’t be there heavily relaxing your standards for any bruv that aint cutting it for you. <br />
<br />
*Steps off Soapbox*<br />
<br />
Now before I peace out, I just want to quickly shamelessly plug my girl <strong>Taynement’s</strong> website over at <a href="http://www.taynement.com/" target="_blank">www.taynement.com</a>. It’s definitely my go-to for new shows to watch e.g. <strong>Jane the Virgin</strong>, <strong>The Affair</strong>, and it's gingered me to get back on old abandoned shows like <strong>Masters of Sex</strong>. <br />
She also features great episode recaps (<strong>Scandal</strong>, anyone??), movie reviews, and everything relevant that you need to know about pop culture. And since its award season, <a href="http://www.taynement.com/" target="_blank">www.taynement.com</a> is definitely the place to camp out since she usually posts predictions that are pretty darn accurate, as well as great red carpet features and commentary (Check her out on Twitter too: <em><strong>@taynementdotcom</strong></em>). So head on over, get your entertainment fix and thank me later!<br />
Peace and Love brethren.Original Mgbekehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11409561613382179987noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-38334818150800998122014-10-31T23:17:00.003-04:002014-10-31T23:17:31.891-04:00Is What He Sees Really What He's Gonna Get?
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">I have
a friend who was practically harassed by an ex-boyfriend to confess her
“<em>number</em>". She said that the harassment started when she
started pulling some tricks inna di bedroom and the guy would be interviewing
her and asking JAMB questions such as “<i>where did you learn how to do that</i>?”
and eventually his judgmental attitude towards her bedmatics led to the end of
their relationship. So as a once bitten, twice shy babe, she has sworn that in
her next relationship, she is going to roll up to that bedroom forming the
ultimate innocent “<i>holy nweje</i>” like she doesn’t know NADA. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">I could
definitely see where she was coming from on that p, as I’ve had/been privy to a
couple of discussions where men casted pure judgment on women based on their
behavior/personalities. Let me give some examples:</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 12pt 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">1.</span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">A male friend once told me that one
of his friends passed up on marrying an otherwise great girlfriend because he
was uncomfortable with the advanced levels and skills that she had in
administering “bolaji” aka blowjob. This is a very true story.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 12pt 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">2.</span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">I was having a convo with a friend
about women going to strip clubs and how men view this. Ordinarily, I didn’t
think that it should be an issue but like my friend pointed out, it could be
one of those things were you go with your homeboys and they don’t care ‘cos
they aren’t trying to make you the one. But let wife material enter the
equation, and you will see how the story will drastically change. In fact as
someone else so wisely pointed out, you might think that it’s nothing going to
a strip club with your male friends, till one of their eligible bachelor friends who
might have been winking at you visits from out of town and dem boyz casually
mention that they went to the skrip club with you, and you will see how quickly
that wink will disappear.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">3.</span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">Even the most basic things like being the turn-up chick who knows
how to knock back shots of patron/hennessy/ogogoro and is the life of the party is all well and good until
men start looking for wife, and those same lively traits will collect a big red
X as such tinz won’t a good wife, make.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">Like I said… men are a very interesting set of individuals. You
would think that it would be nothing but simple science for a man to be
attracted to a woman who for the most part mirrors his interests and activities
i.e. If he likes to enjoy the occasional night at the strip club, he would
gravitate towards a woman who enjoys the same thing. But apparently not, as we
can see that when it comes to some men and their mentality, what is good for
the goose is not good for the gander and they will judge a woman who shares
such proclivities. <br />
Isn’t it pure hilarity when you meet some confirmed turn-up masters who spend
practically every weekend in the club but will open their mouths to say that
you can’t find wifey material in the club. So it’s husband material that is
chilling there abi?<br />
And I think that the most baffling statements are from those men who frown on
certain sexual activities and claim that they would never engage in such with
their wife and the mother of their kids as it would be demeaning to her. To
which I always ask that if you aint gonna do that with your wife, then who
exactly will you do it with kwanu? The convenient side chick abi? I'm getting you brothers.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">The interesting thing about some of these men who pass up on a
“lively” or even “worldy” woman for the demure wifey type is that down the line
they start to complain. I know of 2 men that fall into this category. Totally
by-passed women that would have gelled with their outgoing, turn-up nature and
went for the quiet, wifey type (in their words). Now years down the line, these
same men are complaining that their wives are boring, anti-social, not
interesting and blahblah. I’m like abegi, save those <em>#firstworldproblems</em> for
people who care. As you make your bed, so shall you lie in it so biko carry your
sob story to the gods.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">The way I really see it is that in this man’s world that we
live in, there is absolutely no winning for us women. I’ve always been a firm
believer in “<i>be yourself</i>” and “<i>what he sees is what he should get</i>”
but please don’t take my advice sha as I can’t say that being myself has
greatly helped me in the relationship department. I feel like the real winners
out there are women who know how to (temporarily??) modify and conform to what
they think that men want to see. <br />If he says that he doesn't like a turn-up babe, please don't listen to my opinionated (and quite single self) as I insist that you continue to go out and have fun, and please hang up your mini skirt + retire the Ruby woo (for now...*snicker*).<br />If he says he wants a quiet girl who won't stress his paroles while he camps out at the club every weekend, just get with the game and form "stressfree" and "go with the flow"...again, for now. <br />Infact, e get this girl wey I dey silently
hail as someone who has the formula downpat. Her fiancée is the type who likes
to go up and down turning up in everybody’s club, as in every weekend he dey mark register…and he loves the fact that she
never stresses him or bugs him about how he doesn’t take her anywhere. But as I
dey look the girl, I see a sharp babe that will give him some 180 degree
character turn-about after marriage. When bobo gets up like “<em>I’m going out with
the boys</em>”,she will flex muscle and say “<i>Oh yeah? I’m coming along too</i>”.
And then he’ll be like “<i>where is the woman I married</i>?”…she probably was
right there all along bruv.<br />
<br />
A leopard can’t hide its spots forever so ultimately a woman’s true self will
come out but shoutouts to women who have mastered the strategy of “<i>I’m going
to form A and then reveal B after I have guaranteed my spot in this situation</i>”.
I can’t even be upset at your deception because I do think that some men bring
it upon themselves. I mean, in 2014 when some men will overlook a woman’s great
traits such as her great personality, good looks, excellent credit, caring
nature etc etc and dismiss all of that based on “<em>She parties too much so I aint
gonna wife that</em>” or "<em>she's way too advanced with her skills inna di bedroom</em>", e reach to be coding some aspects of your personality until
further notice. All is fair in this game of trying to get chose.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">And that is all she said.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">Peazeeeeee.</span></span></div>
Original Mgbekehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11409561613382179987noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-6570047224535900952014-10-01T00:06:00.002-04:002014-10-01T00:07:28.212-04:00How Much Investigative Journalism Do You Do?These days the concept of "investigative journalism" has gone beyond making verbal inquiries about potential candidates in your dating pool to taking matters right into your very hands and doing the research yourself. One of my good friends is a certified pro at investigative journalism. She meets a guy and goes to research him on social media, google, and even her State’s Judiciary website to see whether he has any outstanding cases open or closed that she should be aware of (i.e. previous marriages, credit card liens etc). She pretty much doesn’t like to surprise herself and in this day and age where men be pulling James Bond stunts from out of the blue, I aint mad at her tactics at all.<br />
And then I have another good friend is also great at investigative journalism. She knows how to read between the lines on social media. She is probably the reason why some people padlock their Twitter accounts because home girl be on her job with tracking conversations, who liked what and who followed who, who subbed who and who deleted their accounts...I mean, the girl is a pro at putting two and two together. Like I said, I no dey vex at such tactics.<br />
As for me, I do believe in the idea of investigative journalism. I admit to googling men…shoot I occasionally google myself so why should any man be exempt? I will pretty much try to gather as much information out there that I can…after all its all public records innit?<br />
<br />
And then beyond researching and trying to gather information about a man who is yet to make the cut, there is also the type of journalism which involves staying in the loop and staying informed about men who have already made the cut i.e your boyfriends or husbands. So now we gotta discuss the other angle to investigative journalism which involves checking phones, emails, etc. This is a topic that has come up a million times for discussion on social media and my stance remains the same – I will check a man’s phone every now and then. Knowledge is power! <br />
<br />
During a recent cycle of the wash, rinse and repeat Twitter discussion on checking a man’s phone, someone I follow stated that she used to do a weekly sweep of all her man’s devices in her relationship, and I got a very good chuckle out of that. On my part, my approach is this…I won’t always go out of my way to <strike>snoop</strike> look through a man's phone and similiar devices but if a bruv leaves his phone in my line of vision, I’m definitely going to go through it every now and then and satisfy my curiosities. If I sit down and see an email inbox open, I will take a quick glance through it. There is no shame in my game.<br />
<br />
In fact, as some of you may remember, I once blogged about an ex whose email I happened to stumble across (and in this case, I didn’t set out to check, I logged on and he was still signed in), and thanks to my quick sweep of the inbox, I discovered some very incriminating deets including an email professing serious love for a female that he had known for an century and some...as in some "<em>I have always loved you and I will never stop loving you</em>". Hian! based on those findings, I quickly exited the budding relationship and you know, down the line, the bruv actually apologized to me and confessed that he had been fooling himself all along thinking that he had moved on from that girl. He eventually moved across oceans to be with the girl and today they are married. See how investigative journalism saved my heart and my ego? I would have been there playing second fiddle to another woman if I hadn’t stumbled across all of that. Needless to say, I have been a firm believer in seizing opportunities to investigate a bruv ever since then because if you ask me, that was a God-sent opportunity and my Lord did save me from a life of playing second best to another woman.<br />
<br />
On the flip, I know some women who are definitely not about the investigative journalism life and I can understand their stance too. The thing fit give pesin HBP when your eye come nack the thing wey you never see before, but I personally would rather be aware and informed than to live in blissful ignorance. And even if a bruv has nothing to hide and the search comes out clean, at least I know that I saw and confirmed that with my <em>korokoro</em> eyes. <br />
<br />
And, as usual...that is all she said.<br />
<br />
Happy Independence Day Nigeria! <br />
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Have a great rest of your week y'all.Original Mgbekehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11409561613382179987noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-58001189542078401472014-09-10T21:56:00.000-04:002014-10-01T00:12:13.279-04:00Memo to Single Girls: Go on That DateI recently befriended this really cool Naija babe at work, and as a fine babe like her is concerned, there’s a good looking African American young man who works in the client’s IT department that is interested in her. He has asked her out more than once and she declined his offers. But since he’s a persistent guy, he recently popped up again with his interest and even asked the Administrative Assistant on the project to please put a good word in for him. I think that he gets an A for effort.<br />
So one day I observed the guy well, and noted that he truly no bad at all and so I asked my friend why she was not feeling the guy’s ring tone. The first thing she said was “<em>Abeg he’s cute and all, but I’m looking for a Naija man jare</em>”. My response to her was that it shouldn’t be a do or die affair, and at least one lunch date wouldn’t kill her. In my opinion, it’s something different to do + nothing beats a free lunch, but that’s just me.<br />
<br />
I find that a lot of us Naija babes (especially in the abroad) tend to restrict our dating lives because we have this long term vision of the single family home with the well-manicured lawn filled with 3 beautiful children that we created with our NIGERIAN husbands. One Jermaine with all the right credentials approaches us and it’s an automatic “<em>Nahhh</em>” because he’s not Nigerian and so based on that you also decline the invitation to go out somewhere for dinner/drinks/coffee. I’m not here to preach to anyone about expanding their dating territory, but what’s wrong with going on one date at the very least? Like I said, it’s something to do, it’s a free lunch/dinner, and it beats sitting home doing nothing while waiting for the Naija husband to ride up in his BMW and swoop you off your feet. Plus, you just never know…maybe that one date with Jermaine could lead to an unexpected sonthing. But look, even if it doesn’t…at least you went on the date. <br />
<br />
My approach to dating is “<em>just do it</em>”. I might not necessarily think that anything major will come out of it, but if I find a man to be decent looking and decent seeming (important keywords as I won’t advocate for dates with every Tom, Dick, and Harry), I’ll give him at least one shot. I had this moment of randomisity in the past where the stars aligned in my favor and for a stretch of time; I was meeting a new dude practically every month. Ironically, they were Naija guys. And I was going on dates which were nice and not all the typical “<em>dinner and movies</em>” thing… It was a good and fun experience albeit a bit tiring (which is the downside of dating). Nothing concrete and lasting came out of those dates but I’m glad that I gave each of those guys a chance and added the different experiences to my book of experiences. When the stars stopped aligning and I went back to the life of being a dry babe, I was quite happy to revert to my standard Friday night dates of Jollof rice + IrokoTV/Netflix. Dating can indeed be tiring but it was a good experience and I’m glad I didn’t just sit at home and spend every Friday night indoors holding out for Mr. Right and missing out on some good outings and the chance to get dressed and look pretty. <br />
<br />
Ultimately I’m aware that there needs to be a balance between having a full calendar filled with dates for every single Friday vs. sitting in and watching Redbox movies on DVD while waiting for Mr. Right to appear but the way I see it is – these are our single years and the time to “<em>get out there and live it up</em>” (in the words of my married friend* -To which I always tell her that its easier said than done, but I do get her drift sha). I think that a lot of us tend to not “live it up” as much especially as we get older and think that “<em>ahhh, what am I doing going on meaningless dates when I should be focusing on the long term view of the walk down the aisle</em>”. To which I would advise anybody thinking such to please get their date on if bobos are asking. The same way that most of us wouldn’t refuse to work until we land our dream jobs is the same way that we should accept more dates if they are offered to us, while keeping an eye out for the Tunde to arrive. Afterall, what does it profit a woman to be jonzing in dryness when you can be out there chopping steak on another man's dime and getting your socializing on in the process. Abeg abeg, me I like a free lunch and a good time sha...hehehehe. But jokes aside, ya digs my drift?<br />
<br />
That’s all I’m saying really. The tori no be long.<br />
<br />
*PS:- I asked said married friend what she would have done differently as a single gal and she said that she would have done more, lived more, and gone on more dates. According to her, you get married and realize that in the end, all the stuff you cared about or fretted about as a single girl doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme. She also wisely pointed out that you have years and years to be married (if God grants both of you long life), and not enough years to enjoy and live it up as a single girl. So listen to my wise friend ladies and do more to live it up…at least I know that I’ll try to.<br />
<br />
Peace and Love.Original Mgbekehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11409561613382179987noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-28900671595372250992014-06-30T23:47:00.001-04:002014-06-30T23:51:05.011-04:00The Splitting Etiquette and other Money-Related Musings<span style="font-family: inherit;">The other day, I hung out with a couple of coworkers. We went to this spot for happy hour, during which 2 of the girls ordered steaks and a couple of the guys ordered plenty plenty drinks including 2 rounds of shots for the whole table. Me I jejely respected my small appetite for that night and ordered a side of fries and 2 drinks on the happy hour menu...which came out to about $18. So tell me why at the end of the night, when that almost $400 bill came, the girls casually threw out the "Do you guys just wanna do an even split?" and I had to give them the slow blink like...NAWL. I mean, that proposed even split was going to be like $45 a person, a whole $27 difference from my original bill. Nope. Nah. Nawl. Can I list all the things that an extra $27 in my pocket can do for me? Oooh let me count the ways:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
1. Go thrifting and pick up like 6 baffs. Looking like a bag of money without spending a bag of money, Kimon!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">2. A fresh to death pedi</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">3. Bunch of stuff I don't need from my beloved Target</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">4. 1.5 tubes of MAC lipsticks (since them clowns raised lipstick prices to $16 now), or like 5 NYX lipsticks...even better yet, an entire collection of Wet 'n' Wild lipsticks.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
Errr....need I go on?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
I could sense that the girls weren't exactly feeling my response, because there was some talk and mumbling of “<i>I totally understand and wouldn't want folks to carry additional costs that they didn't incur but I really dislike the process of manually calculating everybody’s individual costs</i>”. Eziokwu? Who are we forming for here kwanu? I mentally yimu’ed at alladat and continued to sip my drink. If I had wanted a steak, I would have ordered one but please please, $45 for some basic ass french fries and 2 drinks on the happy hour menu is plain ridiculousness. Meanwhile, on the other hand, one of those guys was pained at the idea of having to pay for his individual costs of the million drinks that he ordered for himself because according to him, “<i>It should have been a split since he and one other guy bought 2 rounds of shots for the table</i>”. I literally choked at that. Na who send am to buy shots for the table kwanu? Yimu on a hundred thousand trillion bro. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
Hey, maybe some thoughts of “<i>see this cheapskate</i>” or “<i>Dang, just an extra $27…not that serious sis</i>” crossed some minds but in the end, we paid for our individual purchases and all lived happily ever after. No lele.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
So here's my stance on splitting: I’m not anti a <b>reasonable</b> even split if it falls into a very reasonable range but camaaan guys, I ain't finna pay almost $30 more than what I actually spent in the name of your convenience or me looking like it's no biggie, when it actually is. I just think that when presented with situations like that, there is no shame and game in speaking up. Worst case, you won’t be invited to the next planned outing at some expensive Steakhouse because folks think that you’re cheap, but in the end, your money remains in your pocket and you’ll be all the happier for that. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Please, if you're one of those #teamsplit, abeg do it within reason or do it with people who won't blink at an additional $30 tacked ontop their bill. It's also really annoying when you #teamsplit huff and puff at people who aren't down for the split like they are cheap. Not cool, darlings. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
In other musings....<br />Recently, there was that big hullabaloo around Simi (Dr. Sid’s fiancé) and her Vegas Bachelorette party that happened but aint really happen. Some folks on Twitter were mad, talking about “<i>why would she plan a party in Vegas and put all that pressure on her friends to attend from Naija</i>” and my response to that is: Why not? I believe that everybody is entitled to their dream destination location for any event that they plan to host, and I am also entitled to say no if my budget doesn’t agree with it. I am all for traveling and would try my best to attend a fabuloso destination wedding in some exotic zones but if tickets to your exotic location are out of my range, then it will have to be a no. By the time I spend like 2 grand on a ticket, how much will I now spend on food, a hotel, transportation etc etc? It will have to be an automatic decline, sorry. I think that all the drama surrounding Simi and her supposedly failed Bachelorette getaway could have been avoided if those flaky friends had simply said “<i>Babe, Vegas sounds awesome but I won’t be able to make it because I can't afford it</i>”. It could have been that simple, and awon "<i>Sidney and I have excommunicated you</i>" could have been avoided, but dah wellz. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
If more people weren't shy to decline or say no to things that are not in their budget, things would be so much simpler. If you're my people, I will do my best to show up and show out for you, and my peoples definitely gotta know that I'm no cheapskate by any means but I have my limits for everything and when things are out of my limit or just not on my radar, then it ain't happening. That's how some guy recently invited me to his upcoming cookout and asked me to bring a bottle of Ciroc or Grey Goose...I said "<i>you mean those $50 drinks? You have serious jokes sha</i>" and he quickly backtracked on some "<i>Just bring whatever you can afford</i>". As it should be! No be small Ciroc or Grey Goose like say I be P.Diddy. Na me dey host the cookout? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
Abeg no long thing for here. The moral of this entire cool tale is...Just say no. It won't kill you and it most certainly will not kill your wallet.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
The end. </span>Original Mgbekehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11409561613382179987noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-75697282078863840602014-03-24T21:20:00.000-04:002014-03-24T21:25:54.286-04:00In Defense of the Young'unsI know quite a few women who have been there and done that with younger men and have sworn off them. They say that all the young’uns they encountered turned out to be jerks and so they have washed their hands off dabbling in that dating pool. My response to them has always been that a natural born jerk will always be a jerk, and in my opinion, age has nothing do with a man’s behavior.<br />
Then there are the other women who have had no experience with younger men, but just instantly dismiss them because they are younger and God forbid, that’s a no-no. Which begs the question? – <em>Why is the idea of dating or getting married to a younger man such a no go area to some women?</em><br />
Imagine a scenario where the correct man of your dreams approaches you, and checks off most things on your list. But ring the alarm because he’s 26 and you’re 28 – Instant grounds for dismissal. And I don’t understand it, because if I ran into such a guy, I would snatch him up instantly. Young’un or not. <br />
<br />
Let me just put it out there that I have nothing against dating a younger man. Now, this is a recent development, as the advantage of getting older is that you can afford to go younger and not seem like you are robbing the cradle. As a 30 year old, my ideal range/limit on the lower end is 27 and I can afford to do this now because I’m sure that there are quite a number of mature 27 year old men out there (if I carry torchlight to look for them). As you can see, I would have absolutely no problem dating a man who is 3 years younger than me as long as he can be the man, and is mature. Same applies to men who are older than me too…just be the man and be mature. I have a strong personality so even if you’re 40 years old, if I feel like I can walk over you then it’s a wrap. If I ran into a 27/28 year old who could hold his own, trust and believe that his age would be no hindrance to me. Age is mainly nothing but a number as long as you know how to act like a grown up. So I'm all about giving younger men a fair opportunity, and I promise you all that I’m no <em>Lagos Cougar</em> :-D. <br />
I’m just the type of approach people and treat them as individuals independent of any stereotypes until they show themselves…this approach also applies to younger men. To me, they are still men and will act like a typical man every now and then but until they show their jerkish, immature ways, then they are fair game.<br />
<br />
The good news is that these days some ladies are getting hip to the younger men and giving them a fair chance. I’ve seen about 4 marriages in my church where the age difference between the older wives and younger husbands range from 5-3 years. Still thriving, still surviving. In fact, one of them was even 29 when she married her 24 year old husband and I wasn’t even mad at that at allll. Age is just some digits my people. Just the other day, I hung out with my friend and her younger boyfriend and the girl was just shining 32 anyhow in love, cheesiness and happiness, as in she seemed so happy and I was absolutely loving it. The boy is so good to her and if she had discriminated against the guy, she would have missed out on that gem. So, I think that once we learn to let go of some stereotypes and what other people think, we can greatly learn to expand our dating pools and bring on more opportunities for ourselves. All my ladies, oya kukere!<br />
<br />
One other thing that fueled my decision to not discriminate against the young’uns is that I realized how some men my age or slightly older stay discriminating against ladies in my age range. You see all these dudes that wait till they are 37 to settle down…and who do they go for when they decide to settle? Odds are they target women under 30. In fact, the other day I was teasing this 33 year old guy that I know who is boo’ed up to some 23 year old girl, and I said dang boy, you had to go all the way down to 23 though? The boy laughed and said “<em>no offense ehn, but I was absolutely not checking for any woman in that 28 and up range</em>”. And then some other guys in the group joined in on the fun talking about “<em>I feel you bro, get them while they are still fresh</em>”. See what I mean? The discrimination is real people, so might as well pitch your tent where people are actually checking for you.<br />
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</div>
<div>
<br />
However, I won’t end this post with a rose colored view on dating the young'uns. So I'm just going to acknowlede the challenges of dating a young’un and summarize a few pointers here:</div>
<ul>
<li>I think that the main challenge of dipping in the younger end of the dating pool is opposition from family members. It's like "<em>OMG, our son/brother/nephew/cousin CANNOT marry this woman and her shriveled up eggs</em>". Even if you are 5 months older than a man, his family will probably be against it most especially if they are African. Not to mention being a few years older so I’ll recommend that y’alls age difference should be a secret between you two which you can feel free to reveal after y'all have tied the knot. But before then, please keep it under wraps and between yourselves. One of my family friends lost the “love of his life” because his aunties ranted and rebeled against him marrying the older woman that he really wanted to be with and the boy succumbed to family pressure. And you know what I realized? It’s always women in the family that will be blocking you and that younger man’s love. Like ahn ahn, as a fellow woman, do you not realize how real the struggle is? Smh.</li>
<li>One popular concern that I hear about dating younger men is "<em>women age faster than men</em>" and "<em>down the line, I will be looking like his mother</em>". I call bollocks on that one. I highly doubt that you’re going to wrinkle faster than him, or look like his mother in 10 years. Just stay fresh, take care of you (as you should be doing regardless of whether he’s 26 or 40) and you should be fine.</li>
<li>And ultimately, you need a young'un with a backbone. If you feel like he’s not the type of young’un that you would respect then don’t even set yourself up. You need a young’un that will stand up to you, call you out on your nonsense and tell you “<em>I might be just 24 but I will put that azz in check</em>” and you will promptly zip your lips and keep quiet. LOL. </li>
</ul>
<div>
So I hope that I have been able to convince and not confuse you regarding your next action when you run across a young’un in the near future. As opposed to saying “God Forbid” and picking race like your life depends on it, why not actually see what the dude is about. You never know, the man might be your future husboo that you would have dismissed because of a 2-year age difference. You just never know!</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
And that is all she said.</div>
Original Mgbekehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11409561613382179987noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-51802982586729119842014-02-18T21:51:00.001-05:002014-02-18T21:51:48.489-05:00Social Media: The Oversharing FactorI am hella late with this my new year's greetings but better late than never my dear people. I just want to say a quick albeit very belated HAPPY NEW YEAR. I had all this gist of how my Holiday season went (trip to Dubai with Taynement + Aberdeen to visit my dearest dearest sister) and how much fun I had + a mini review of 2013 but it’s too late now. Regardless, happy new year darlings…may your 2014 be the your best year yet. Amin!!!<br />
<br />Sooo onto the gist of the day and right in line with the recent departure of the almighty Valentines day aka <em>Falemtines</em> Day aka #Singleswereaware #Wesurvivedthetension #Netflixwasmyboo etc etc...I contemplated the oversharing thing and could only shake my head. I mean, we all knew that Valentines day would have our Instagram, Facebook and Twitter timelines fresh with the onslaught of pictures and gifts but at some point, I had to ask myself – What did we do before social media? Because obviously at this rate, everybody has the mentality of “<em>If I don’t share it, then it didn’t happen</em>”. <br />But look, I wasn't even mad at those Vals day updates at all. As awon babes dey post picture, me I dey balance to look. There was even one particular couple who had a <em>Pre</em>-Vals day treasure hunt, and ol’ girl posted every step of the treasure hunt for her Instagram followers (the end result was a box of chocolates). Somehow the screenshot of the hunt ended up floating across my Twitter timeline and after having a good laugh at the bants the screenshot caused, I was like “<em>Wait o, so this babe really took time out to snap pictures of every step of this treasure hunt to upload to Instagram? Odiegwu</em>”. Oversharing tinz. <br />That aside, everybody else and their mama had their flowers, cakes, chocolates, Louboutins, G-wagons, washing machines and refridgerators, Zanottis (true talk – these were all gifts that various babes recieved) proudly displayed on their various Instagram pages and I was chilling in the cut, observing it all. I could literally imagine these females getting their gifts, quickly pulling out their phones to take pictures and then uploading said pictures online before they actually turned to their partners to say thank you. <br />
<br />The shenanigans of Valentines day aside, I've realized that people just love to overshare the minute details of their lives on social media. All these celebs that give Linda Ikeji and other such blogs fodder for posts are a prime example. I mean, look at our sister Chika Ike's heavily documented shopping trip to Dubai. Sotay she had someone photograph her as a Michael Kors salesperson was handing over a shopping bag to her at the sales register. I had to bow.<br />
Celebrities aside, we regular folks are just as guilty. I remember my friend once told me that someone on Twitter was surprised that she worked out, and it was like if you don’t flood your timeline with <em>#fitfam #Gymflow #Spincycletinz</em>, then nobody believes that you actually go to the gym. <em>Tweet it or it didn't happen</em>. <br />
<br />
Long story short, you gotta share every bit of it or we won't believe you. This must explain some of the nonsense that I see across the various social media vehicles...<br />
<br />
Like those people who manage to fly first class and like I said, if they don't upload a picture of their boarding passes, then that first class flight didn't happen. I've seen a few <strike>ratchets</strike> folks upload their boarding passes showing us that they have first class seats and premier flight status on the airline of their choice. I be like "<em>K boo</em>".<br /><br />Or those other people who go out and buy expensive gadgets or expensive shoes/bags, and as true and tested social media oversharers, GOTTA give us an “<em>unboxing video</em>” with the appropriate caption of “<em>My new baby/babies just arrived</em>”. It's only science that they do this or else they didn't just blow a wad of cash for the internet population not to know that they made a big splurge. It’s only science.<br /><br />Those girls that cook for their man and won't allow him to eat the food in peace. They must also let the internet know that they cooked talmbout "<em>Just cooked for my baby...xxx</em>". Okay sisters, we will surely add money to your brideprice you hear? <br />
<br />
How about those guys who will buy a new luxury car and upload new Facebook album with about 20 pictures of the new car. You might as well include pictures of the title and registration for us too o. May your driver's license too sef. All join.<br /><br />And the one that absolutely kills me is all these up and coming young’uns who think that it’s cool to upload pictures of them smoking weed because ya know, smoking anything that isn’t nicotine is so cool and everybody on social media gotta see how much of a badazz that you are. Oversharing fail. A real epic one. Why can't you just smoke your joint in the quietness of your home? If it doesn't enter Instagram then we don't know that you're the hottest/baddest abi? I'm getting you guys.<br />
<br />Look, I am just not one to overshare information, so it is easy for me to sit and wonder how some people do it. For the fact that most of us are on one form of social media or the other means that some elements of information about us will get out there. But we gotta draw the line between "<em>elements of information</em>" and "<em>too much information</em>". If you put a good percentage of yourself out there, then where is the mystery to your life? Everything doesn’t have to be displayed for the world to see. Let people wonder about you, as opposed to you feeding them every single tidbit of information. A word is enough for the wise but if you choose to be foolish, I aint mad. Your life, my entertainment.Original Mgbekehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11409561613382179987noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-79010658283231368652013-12-10T22:40:00.000-05:002013-12-10T22:41:07.914-05:00The Superficial Reasons Behind Why You Didn't Get Chose<br />
Ya know sometimes when men reject us women, we go on a self-blaming spree…<br />
<br />
“<i>Oh, if only I knew how to swing off chandeliers</i>”<br />
“<i>Oh, if only I could cook like <b>Lohi O</b></i>”<br />
“<i>Oh, if only had been more expressive and shown him how much I cared</i>”<br />
“<i>Oh, if only I hadn't been as thirsty and made him wait a little</i>”<br />
"<i>Oh, if only I was more of a wifey material</i>"<br />
<br />
Blahblahblahblahyadiyadiyadiya.<br />
In our minds, if we had been a little more awesome or perfect and exhibited the traits of a true wife material, we would have gotten CHOSE. But have we ever stopped to acknowledge our current and existing awesomeness and think that “<i>Maybe it really wasn’t me. Maybe it was him</i>”?<br />
<br />
I’m not saying that we ladies should live in denial and not improve where we can but sometimes no matter how awesome you are, a man will still next you or not make it official with you because of his purely superficial reasons based on things that you might not be able to control. I've had pretty random convos with the guys in the past that opened my eyes to how superficial some men can be or how they have all these really nitpicky criteria that will get you a failing grade no matter how hard you try. For instance, some guy once told me that he nexted a girl in the past strictly because she had no nyash (booty). According to him, she was cute and really decent but he just couldn't get past the nyashless factor. I couldn't believe my ears, so I asked him “<i>You mean to tell me that if you met a woman who had 9 out of 10 of the attributes that you look for in a woman but had no nyash, she’s dismissed</i>” and he said yes. He then tried to explain that nyash is a pretty important factor for him in selecting a woman and that if he ends up with a woman with no nyash, he’s definitely going to cheat. He also said that he needed to feel proud of the woman that he had on his arm if he’s showcasing her in public and so her body had to be on point, nyash inclusive. I hit him with the O__O eyes and wished him good luck in his search. The sad thing is that this man will probably end up with some big booty dimepiece in the future because you know, men have the playing field with plenty options and can afford to be entirely foolish and get away with it. Such is life.<br />
<br />
I’ve heard about other dismissal criteria that sounded really crazy to me, such as:<br />
“<i>She looked like she had the tendency to get fat after kids</i>”<br />
“<i>She was too tall. I wouldn’t want to end up with a woman over 5’9</i>”<br />
“<i>She wasn’t Nigerian so I knew that I was definitely not going to wife her</i>” – This came from a man who dated said non Nigerian girl for 3 years. When I formed Voltron defender of the Universe and berated him for leading the poor girl on, he simply shrugged and said that bodi no be wood. He was keeping her around until he found something better.<br />
“<i>I wouldn’t marry a woman with darker skin tone than me</i>”<br />
"<i>She had no swag or presence</i>"<br />
Etc etc.<br />
<br />
Yep, I've listened to men tell me all of the above and more…and no matter how irritated I was by their reasoning, I knew that my vex couldn't boil indomie because like I said, it is a man’s world and no matter how foolish a man might be with his reasoning, there’s going to be at least 20 women out there that fit his specifications and criteria. He's going to dismiss your ass and move right onto the next chick who fits his criteria and you have no option but to deal with it. Tough world mayne!<br />
Because women outnumber men and because we are generally more accommodating, we aren't as critical or picky. We might say that we want a tall, strong, dark and handsome swaggalicious fella with a great job and doing XYZ, but if we meet a man who doesn't fall into our ideal height or weight range but happens to check off most of our boxes, I bet we would be willing to compromise as opposed to an instant dismissal. Heck, a lot of women will even work with a guy if he only checks off 5 out of 10 things on her list. It’s a tough life that we live in this man’s world but it is what it is.<br />
<br />
Oh, and you know one thing that I realized? Men will have all their high end criteria for what they want in a serious relationship or marriage but when it comes to just kicking it and sleeping with you, alllll of that relaxes. For instance, someone once told me that while he had slept with a lot of Igbo women and had no problem kicking it with them, he knew that he would never marry an Igbo woman for a bunch of reasons.<br />
<br />
So there you have it. No matter what you did and didn't do, some men will dismiss you for things that are beyond your control such as your height, maybe your weight, the color of your skin, your nationality, origin, and tribe, age and what have you. This is honestly why I'm never mad too mad at a woman who is supposedly "picky" or a woman who does her own dismissing and the world is looking at her like she's crazy. Like "<i>omg, he looks good on paper and he has a great job and blahblah. Maybe he will grow on you</i>". Umm no. I'm like look, a man will NEXT you in a heartbeat if you're not his spec so please if he's not your spec, don't be shy to say bye bye too. Sometimes we females can be over-accommodating on some "<i>let me go out on this 10th date with him and see</i>". Date 10 kwa? Me thinks that if you haven't seen that sonthing by Date 4 then it probably isn't meant to be. Remember, most men won't even give you Date 2 sef. No be small thing my people.<br />
<br />
The good news is that there are also a host of other fellas out there who don't buy into the ridiculous mentality of being extra-superficial and who will be more than accepting of you and everything that got you dismissed with the last guy. Until you find them in their hidden locations, what can I say? Continue to do you. Any man who dismisses you for his own superficial reasons doesn't deserve your time and energy in the first place.<br />
<br />
And that is all she said.Original Mgbekehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11409561613382179987noreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-68131126203181395002013-10-28T20:41:00.001-04:002013-10-28T20:41:32.478-04:00Social Media: The Oppression FactorI was recently discussing social media with my friend and told her “<i>Man, social media can be one hella oppressive place</i>”. And this is the truth. It’s like no matter how immune you feel to it all, there’s going to be something out there in the cyber world that will find your Achilles heel and feast on it. There’s always somebody out there who has what you want, or seems to be doing way better in life than you are doing.<br />
<br />
After years of wondering how the hell Instagram (IG) worked, I finally joined it and gotta attest that those visuals alone can work their magic. Everything just looks so glossy and fancy, and everybody looks “<i>rich as f***</i>” (in the words of my favorite Uncle 2chainzzzz). I just be perusing sometimes and wondering “<i>which levels na? When I go hammer reach</i>?” However, the funny thing is that not everything posted on social media is supposed to be oppressive but somehow they get to you depending on whether it’s <i>your thing</i> or not.<br />
<br />
A few examples…<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>That person that stays posting pictures of their countless vacations and trips. You name the place, and they've been there. And you’re feeling the oppression because to afford one solo vacation requires you to give up so much while for some others it seems like they have an unending supply of money, time, and resources.</li>
<li>That other person that posted pictures of plenty plenty high end shopping bags and gave a shoutout to their wonderful husband/boyfriend on some “<i>Shout outs to my baby for spoiling me. Love you boo!</i>” and you can’t help but dash one side eye to your hardworking husband/boo who works so hard to make you happy but somehow his level of hard work never reach Neiman Marcus and Saks. And even if designer names aren't your thing, it could be something else that you would love to have in your life but you and your man can’t afford it (e.g. Macbook, Ipad, BB10, Samsung S4 etc etc. Pick your poison and there’s a woman out there posting a picture of it and hailing her boo.</li>
<li>That person that keeps tensioning you with pictures of their weight loss journey. It seems like they step on a treadmill and instantly lose 10lbs. Meanwhile you are out here struggling to lose weight even though you’ve been eating right and working out for the past 2 months. See, things like this aren’t even supposed to be oppressive but I know that sometimes they are.</li>
<li>That other one that is always doing #Himship #Goinghometomyman #Mybabyboo up and down the place with plenty coupled up pictures to boot. You haven’t even had a negro say hi to you in the last 8 months, talk less of a man to go home to. O diro easy.</li>
</ul>
<br />
Let’s shift from IG real quick and enter Twitter and Facebook…<br />
You’re seeing tweets and status updates like “<i>God is Good! I passed my MCAT on the first try and I’m interviewing to get into *insert the medical school of your dreams*</i>” and you’re wondering when this same good God is going to do it for you. You’ve taken the MCAT at least 2x now…<br /><br />
Or<br /><br />
That husband that posts a picture of the brand new car that he just bought for his wife in honor of her giving him some bouncing baby boys and girls and you’re feeling that oppression because you and your spouse have been trying for children for God knows how many years.<br />
<br />
I can go on and on but it’s so much stuff on social media that get to at least every one of us depending on the things in life that are doing you.<br />
<br />
For some of us it’s marriage of course. Even for me who mainly doesn't feel the societal pressure of marriage, every single time that I log into that place called Facebook, the first things assailing my eyes are at least 3 people’s engagement photo shoots, traditional weddings, white weddings and all things weddings and I’m like “<i>Whoa! Are there any single people left in this world?? Am I going to be the last woman standing in this single struggle?</i>” I tire.<br /><br />
For some it’s career…folks be posting about working in places and fields that we would love to work in talking about “<i>I love my job…so blessed.xx</i>” and oppression sets in when you think about the million and one resumes that you've sent out and the million and one rejection letters/emails that you received. I remember when I was in college and wanted to work for PWC so badly (after they rejected my ass) and it used to pepper me when all the accounting kids in my school would update their professional networks on Facebook to PWC. It wasn’t a game yo.<br />
<br />
For some it’s material goods. You’re looking at all the cars, gadgets, bags, shoes that your mates are enjoying and wondering when you will be able to afford to buy such fancy things without drinking garri for 2 months.<br />
<br />
For some it’s the fertility issue. You really want kids and have been trying for ages, and everybody around you is sharing pictures or stories of their little ones. This is also not meant to be oppressive I'm sure but we are only human and I bet something like that would get to me every now and then if I was in that boat.<br /><br />
For others it’s just a person’s overall packaging. Some people just seem to have their lives so well put together. Great jobs, probably did something like buy a house when they were 25, if they are female they probably got married at 28, had their 2 kids by 31 and bounced back to size 4 frames in 5 seconds, seemingly great husbands, and a seemingly great life…and they are out there on your web feed of whatever your social media poison is, oppressing the heck out of little ol’ you who is trying to get a handle on something in your life.<br />
<br />
E no easy my people.<br />
<br />
What do you do? I have a friend who doesn't do Facebook or Instagram (very smart girl). I think that’s a definite start to curb the oppression in your life and learn to stay in your lane. But if you’re like me and you like to keep these forms of media open for small amebo purposes, the next best thing to do is to try and rein it in sometimes. You don’t gotta be on social media every single day. Sometimes a break is good from all the shenanigans, especially if you are down in the dumps and not feeling that great about yourself. The last thing that you want to see is somebody happily posting pictures or talking about something when you’re feeling some type of way about that particular something. My final word on this: In the words of my wise friend “<i>Social media is filled with a lot of smoke and mirror</i>s” aka things are not always what they seem. I remember a story about somebody who posted a picture of her brand new designer bag gifted to her by her “<i>dearest husband</i>” only for us to get behind the scenes of the story and find out that her so-called dearest husband had beaten her the week before and then bought her the bag to apologize for his behavior. Of course we saw a picture of the bag…a picture of the black eyes nko? Not so much. I’m sure somebody out there was feeling oppression on 3 levels: 1. Husband 2. Dear Husband 3. Expensive Bag. So just goes to show that while some people are truly living the life, not everybody is truly living the life so don’t be too quit to turn a bright shade of green when you read about or see how some people are doing it up.<br />
<br />
And that my people, is all she said.<br />
<br />
Have a great rest of the week.Original Mgbekehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11409561613382179987noreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-63082700016817263032013-10-07T22:54:00.000-04:002013-10-07T22:54:24.338-04:00What's So Special About Your Family Name Anyway?I not-so recently had the following conversation with one of my male cousins:<br />
<b>Cousin</b> (talking about my uncle who recently re-married after his first wife’s death): <i>How is Ikenna’s new wife sef?</i><br />
<br />
<b>Me</b>: <i>I really dig her and I think she’s great with the kids.</i><br />
<br />
<b>Cousin</b>: <i>Hmmm, I hear she’s almost 40 and so I wonder why Ikenna married someone who was that old. I’m concerned about her child bearing capabilities because you know Ikenna really wants a son and so that was one of the reasons why he got married again.</i><br />
<br />
<b>Me</b>: <i>So I heard o, but abegi, after 6 daughters, what is he finding with a son again? I think that he just needs someone to help him take care of his girls…besides, in this same quest for a son, he ended up with a boatload of girls, so I think he should just relax and fashy this matter of having a son. What if the next one that comes is a girl too?</i><br />
<br />
<b>Cousin</b>: <i>You don’t understand. Ikenna wants someone to carry on with the family’s name and so I don’t see a problem if he wants a son. After all, most men want sons that can carry on with the family’s name…</i><br />
<br />
<b>Me</b>: <i>Na wa for you men and your fixation with sons to carry on the family’s name. So if you and your wife have a bunch of daughters, would that be an issue?<br /></i><br />
<b>Him</b>: <i>By God’s grace, I know that will not be our portion.</i><br />
<br />
<b>Me</b>: <i>*Zipped lips and quickly moved on to the next topic*</i><br />
<br />
And that was that, as I jejely minded my business and dropped the matter.<br />
<br />
And then in the more recent past, I was talking to somebody who has 2 daughters and wife who is expecting one more child. He said that he really hopes that the 3rd one is a boy as he wants at least one son. And so I posed the same question that I posed to my cousin – If you guys have a bunch of daughters, would it be an issue? His response was – “<i>Houston, we would have a problem</i>” before he quickly interjected with “<i>Just kidding</i>”. But I wasn't buying it…<br />
I asked him why some men are so hung up on having sons and he gave me the very typical “<i>I want somebody to carry the family name and to inherit everything that I’ve worked for</i>". He then added "<i>My daughters will get married and join another man’s family and everything that I’ve worked for will go to another man’s son (i.e. his daughters future husbands), so I want a son who will inherit the fruit of my hard work</i>” . I said ookay and kept it moving. I couldn't even pretend to understand it because I didn't and I still don’t.<br />
<br />
All of this talk got me thinking about all these men that keep on harping about wanting a son to carry on with their family name. I mean absolutely no disrespect and all, but the pressing questions that I have are: What is so special about you and your family name? What is so wonderful about your legacy? What exactly are your sons supposed to be carrying on?<br />
<br />
I totally understand wanting a son because you want to do daddy-son things like going to watch a basketball game or whatever it is that sons do with their fathers. What I don’t understand is wanting a son because you want them to carry your name forward.<br />
The way I see it and with the way that our generation is going, I doubt that in the long run, anyone is checking for you and your lineage. Like someone once said, if you’re not a Dangote, Adenuga, or any of those big names, why should we be concerned about your so-called family name? I mean, what great thing have you done that you want people to be carrying on your family name? Like I said, no disrespect to you men out there and the family names that you hold so dearly to your hearts, but I think it’s beyond absurd to still be on about this whole “<i>I want a son to carry my family name forward</i>” in this day and age. Feel free to shed light if you want to help me understand.<br />
<br />
Who says that your daughters cannot also bring recognition to your family and carry on your so-called family name? In my opinion, if I do anything epic in this lifetime, whether I am married or single, people will always say “<i>that is Papa Mgbeke’s daughter</i>”, or “<i>she comes from so and so’s family</i>”. Look at the Adenuga’s for instance…even though that he has a married daughter, I always think of her first as Bella Adenuga, the daughter of Adenuga. People know her as her father’s daughter first, before they recognize her as her husband’s wife…if that makes sense.<br />
<br />
Now, imagine a scenario where you have a son who turns out to be some notorious serial killer or something crazy. That your precious son will send your family name that you worked so hard for, to the pits. So much for carrying on the family name, guys. So, really my dear brothers, I will keep this short…boy or girl, whichever one God gives you, please take it and be content with it. Treat your daughters with respect and view them as more than able and capable to take on and bring pride and joy to your family name. And really, if you haven’t worked for shiz and are just a regular average 9-5 Joe, sit back, relax and ask yourself what exactly you even want your imaginary sons to carry on.<br />
<br />
*Rides my blazing chariot out of Blogsville*<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
Original Mgbekehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11409561613382179987noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-90717193569495408122013-08-19T22:17:00.001-04:002013-08-19T22:21:57.922-04:0030A few weeks ago, yours truly hit the big ol’ grand age of three zero. For some unknown reason, I have always looked forward to turning 30. In fact, I've always looked upon the 30’s as the period where you start to really come into your own and really know yourself. The 30’s are when you go from a “s<i>pring chicken</i>” to “<i>fine wine</i>” (Totally stole that one from Kelly Rowland). Plus, in my opinion, it’s that age where you can finally start claiming to be grown and people actually start taking you a bit more seriously. In general, I really can’t explain it but I was pretty excited to turn 30…and I had an amazing birthday as well. Big big shout-outs to my big sister who made it one to remember. I truly truly love that babe.<br />
<br />
I remember my mom once told me that on her 30th birthday, she was so depressed. According to her, that was her worst birthday ever, because she was so sad that she was officially “old”. I had a good laugh at that one. In comparison, I do not feel old or anything close to it…I think that I will officially start to feel like I’m getting up there (but not quite old actually) when I hit the 40 year mark but till then, let’s rock and roll baby! According to Nigerian Twitter, I’m at the age where I should only be tweeting for “<i>networking purposes</i>” and not for bants as per old age stuvvs. To that, I say…who gon’ check me boo??? Watch me turn 40 and still be all up in there. There’s no rules or regulations to these things.<br />
<br />
I was reading my most recent September 2013 issue of Glamour Magazine and Olivia Wilde has an article in there titled the “<i>Do’s and Don’ts of Turning 30</i>”. My interest was peaked even further when I read that Olivia is “<i>defying all Hollywood stereotypes by being excited to turn 30</i>”. I was like heyyy that’s definitely my type of girl. And I did enjoy reading her do’s and don’ts because it reminded me of something that I would write…so I figured that I would share a short, summarized version because I thought it was a fun read for anyone approaching 30, who just turned 30, or even well into their 30’s. If you want to read the full thing, then go and buy your own Glamour :-D<br />
So here are Olivia’s tips (summarized and in a nutshell):<br />
<br />
1.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span><b>DON’T</b> freak out about all the brilliant people who accomplished more than you by 30<br />
2.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span><b>DO</b> enjoy your sexual prime – According to Professor Alfred Kinsey, women really start heating up in their 30s.<br />
3.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span><b>DON'T</b> cut your face – Take care of yourself now that you’re old enough to know how. Drink water, get enough sleep, and don’t go near a tanning booth.<br />
4.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span><b>DO</b> travel – This is probably the last time until retirement that you won’t be considered a bad person for booking a last minute ticket to Morocco because you damn well feel like it. You’re old enough to know where not to go e.g. Cancun but young enough to feel guilt-free being entirely unreachable.<br />
5.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span><b>DON'T</b> propose to the next guy you meet just because you worry he’ll be your last chance at lifelong companionship– Sure, you might have attended more bridal showers than yoga classes, but that doesn't mean that you’re destined to be a craggy spinster, searching for roommates on Craigslist at 50.<br />
6.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span><b>DON'T</b> feel pressured to pop out kids – Wait for the right partner and make sure you’re where you want to be in life before picking neighborhoods based on school districts.<br />
7.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span><b>DO</b> reap the benefits of your accumulated wisdom – You’re 30: You know stuff now…your 20’s were for messing up and learning from those mistakes. Now you get to live with knowledge under your belt…and make it a nice belt too. You’re 30, stop dressing like a hobo.<br />
8.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span><b>DO</b> learn a new skill – You’ve already lived longer than most women in the 13th century, so why not look at your thirtieth as a rebirth?<br />
9.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span><b>DON'T</b> be bogged down by your past – Make this next go-around whatever you want it to be…consider your baggage (bad boyfriends, job setbacks, body issues) lost by the airline of life.<br />
Her closing note? “<i>That’s it. Now, go and be awesome</i>”. And I say a big amen to that!<br />
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So if you’re dreading the big 3-0 or just turned 30 and you’re hating it…why should you? It’s a great age group to be in so embrace it. And if you’re in your 30’s and you’re loving it then more grease to your elbows. Keep on rocking it and don’t feed into all the notions about where and what you should be doing in your 30’s.<br />
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And this is where I shall leave ye folks. Just wanted to peek my head in and say wazaaap. It has been a minute and I need to get my lazy butt off and actually do a real blog post. That, I will soon enough but till then...have a fantabulous rest of the week folks!<br />
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And that is all she said.Original Mgbekehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11409561613382179987noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-59089268985006909792013-06-11T23:44:00.000-04:002013-06-11T23:52:48.406-04:00Your Priorities, My PrioritiesAs some of you may remember, I wrote an article for Jaguda.com back in the day on my views about moving back to Naija. As expected, a lot of people tensioned my life for stating that I consider America to be home and love living in this country. Years later, that view has still not changed.<br />
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I was recently talking to a U.S. based someone who was championing the case for moving back to Nigeria. Per the typical argument, he said “<i>there is money to be made in Nigeria</i>” and how levels really dey. According to him, an annual salary of $150,000 for a U.S. resident is “rubbish” after paying all your bills and taxes. Odiegwu. I said “<i>rubbish kwa? That’s a very strong word o</i>”. I had to bite my tongue cos the next thing coming out of my mouth was going to be "<i>Have you ever encountered $150k in your life sef</i>?" but I said let me chill for guys. Nigerians sha. Just be yarning real opaks to prove some non-existent points. As in, 150,000 annual salary never reach me finish and I’m still able to pay my bills, save money, and live a pretty comfortable life so for one to say that $150k is rubbish so we need to move back to Nigeria where there is real money to be made is some real bullshit. I agree that there is money to be made in Nigeria, but that is an entirely separate argument that should not involve bashing people's annual salaries in the USD. Voltron force has spoken.<br />
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That shenanigans aside...besides this recent conversation, I have had a lot of discussions with people who champion the move back campaign with the magic words – “<i>There is money to be made in Nigeria</i>”. I used to know this guy who went to college here and then moved back to Naija some years ago. So post-move, he visited Yanks and I have to give it to him, he was looking like a fresh Lagos Island bigz boiz and exuding the corresponding swag. During our meet-up, one of the first things that he said to me was “<i>You guys are struggling with 9-5 jobs in this country? Move back home, there is money to be made</i>”. I said “I<i>’m cool. If all of us move back home, we will finish the money for una na</i>”. Abi no be so? They will all be shouting move back, move back, instead of them to be happy that we are allowing them gather all the money while we "suffer" in obodo oyibo. Might I add that he was able to quickly make his own money because his father is a rich man in Lagos with connects? Uhn uhn…<br />
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However...I am not blind to the fact that people seem to be balling in Nigeria (or at least have packaged themselves well enough to give that impression). You look at these event red carpet pictures, and everybody and their mama is carrying $1100 Celine handbags like Celine handbags is agbalumo. High end brands like Louboutin, Prada, Chanel, just full ground anyhow like it’s nothing. Now even Bentley has turned into pure water, and all the celebrities are buying Bentleys. To add to all of this, every other day on Linda Ikeji’s blog, there are posts about people dropping millions of naira for Range Rovers and all kinds of shiny SUVs. Trust that I do not doubt that there is money in Nigeria and some people’s pepper has seriously rested. Even on the “<i>small scale</i>” level self, someone that my friend knew came to America on a 3 week vacation and she brought $6,000 shopping money along with her. When my friend gisted me, I was like hohohoho! Where did it even begin to reach me that I would carry $6,000 for a shopping expedition to a foreign country? When I still have outstanding student loans, a car note and rent to pay?? That one surely fly pass me o, I ain't even going to front.<br />
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But even with the car note, student loans, taxes and all the obligations that I face as resident of the US of A, my complaints are minimal and I still love living in America. I acknowledge that I will probably never get to the Lagos or Abuja big babe level and I’m okay with it. I do like my relatively simple life and am not particularly driven to move back home and strike it big. Some may see this mentality as settling for less where I can be living a bigger and more <i>ballerific</i> lifestyle back home and they certainly are entitled to their opinion. See as I just listed student loans, rent, and a car note?… some people aren't here for that. Like the person that bashed the $150,000 annual salary pointed out, people making the big bucks back home are paying serious cash down for cars and eliminating debt with the scribble of a pen over a check (or cheque in Naija/Britico speak). When Linda Ikeji bought her 8 million naira SUV, I quickly pulled out calculator to see the USD equivalent and I had to mentally hail the babe. As for me, the ability to drop such thousands of dollars in cash down most definitely pass my power. If my Naija big babe counterparts are walking into a store and dropping $1200 cash on a designer bag, I on the other hand, would have to do a real opportunity cost assessment before I ever shelled out $1200 on a bag. So it’s all a matter of priorities and what you want out of life and personally speaking, my wants aren't on a kentro level.<br />
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That said, to people who do wanna move home and pursue the “<i>let’s get this money dream</i>”, I’m not even mad at that. Whatever works for you. I think that my biggest irritation with such people, or people that have already moved back is that they think you are crazy for not wanting to do the same. It’s all a matter of respecting opinions and recognizing that we have different priorities. Let it not be a long thing.<br />
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And that is all she said<br />
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PS:- I'm aware that not everyone that moves back home achieves the "<i>Nigerian dream</i>". I'm also aware that not everybody toting a Celine bag or driving a range is a legit baller...maybe they have Ariztos daddys, are involved in some shady business or something. For fair comparison purposes (because I work hard for my money), the money makers that I'm talking about in this post are the legit ones and not any 419 or arizto assisted versions.Original Mgbekehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11409561613382179987noreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-12465204039137231622013-05-11T14:33:00.000-04:002013-05-11T14:41:39.492-04:00Wifey Material Points = Nonexistent<br />
I realize that I tend to be a little too outspoken on these men/women issues especially when it comes to men’s expectations of women. I remember visiting my sister in Aberdeen back in 2010, and we dropped by a family friend’s house. Somewhere along the course of the evening, the man started yarning something about girlfriends and cooking. I forget exactly what it was, but I remember being very vocal about how no boyfriend of mine should expect me to cook for him. It is a privilege and not an obligation bro! I guess I was a little too vocal about my views. My poor sister was so surprised. She later coached me that I should learn to observe chill sometimes.<br />
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And then my male friend recently said the same thing. He said “y<i>ou and this your gra gra, you know that could be a huge turn-off for men</i>”. The old me would have said “<i>ehn, they should be turned off nah!</i>” but the new me who is attempting to observe chill said “<i>aight. I’ll work on it</i>”. And “<i>serzly</i>”, I’m trying to not always come off as the angry black raow raow woman who isn’t trying to do jack for a man. I’m currently cracking up now sef ‘cos I remember that someone once asked my friend why I, the Original Mgbeke, always seems to be so anti-cooking for a man. I guess her question was fueled by my outspoken views whenever the topic came up on shows like Gidilounge etc etc.<br />
Let me put it out there people: I am <b>not</b> anti-cooking for a man. I will in fact cook 3 meals a day sef for a very very deserving boyfriend (Okay, I’m lying. That would actually be ONE meal a day boo) however, it absolutely gets my goat when men feel entitled to the things that us women do, or feel that women should be campaigning for the positions of wifey. With that, I will straight up tell you to kindly fly out of my line of vision. Narnsense.<br />
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So anyway, as I was saying…I am truly trying to observe chill and not always be popping off with my liberated views but sometimes these negros make it SO hard. Case in point, last week, I was on the commuter hustle with my really good male friend and 2 other African guys who I normally ride the train with. We were gisting and somehow, the topic of convo fell on men and their expectations of girlfriends. One of the guys said that he once asked a girlfriend to help him clean his bathroom and it really pissed him off that she said no. This is how the conversation went:<br />
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<b><i>Guy 1 (The complainant)</i></b>: Imagine, she refused to saying that I shared the bathroom with my brother and so she didn’t think it was right that she should clean up after us.<br />
<b><i>Guys 2 and 3</i></b>: That’s messed up bro.<br />
<b><i>Me</i></b>: Let me get this straight. You asked your girlfriend to help you clean your bathroom. Was your hand broken? Did the doctor order you to not engage in any domestic duties for a week? Was she your housegirl? Was she paying rent in your house?<br />
<b><i>Guy 1</i></b>: But if she’s coming over to sleep and sees a dirty bathroom, she should definitely take the initiative to clean it. In fact I shouldn't have had to ask.<br />
<b><i>Guy 2</i></b>: I agree. That’s why these girls aren't getting wifed up. You all need to understand that you are pretty much auditioning for positions so you need put your best foot forward. You need to show men that you are domesticated.<br />
<b><i>Guy 1</i></b>: That’s right. I guess that’s why that girl is still single self (<b><i>Note</i></b>: Guy1 is currently engaged to someone else)<br />
<b><i>Me</i></b>: Guy 1, You are such a douchebag for that statement . And please, you men can save your silly auditions for a woman who cares about that nonsense. Best believe that I would not go to any man’s house and clean his bathroom when I’m not paying rent in that house. Na beans?<br />
<b><i>Guy 3</i></b>: Ehn but if you needed your tire to be changed, you would call a guy abi? If you need light bulbs to be changed, you would be paging guys.<br />
<b><i>Me</i></b>: Those are such basic examples though! What’s the big deal in changing a light bulb? Don’t insult a woman's intelligence please. As for my tires, I can call triple A.<br />
<b><i>Me</i></b>: Also, if we are talking about initiative, have you all as men ever taken the initiative to clean a girlfriend’s dirty bathroom?<br />
<b><i>Guy 1</i></b>: Why should we? As a woman, your bathroom shouldn't even be dirty to even begin with…<br />
<b><i>Me</i></b>: All you African men are such clowns, it is very obvious. If any man expects me to clean his bathroom, then I guarantee you all that he is in a serious jonzing world.<br />
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***The snippet above is just a brief summary of the convo. Of course the conversation continued and before we parted ways, one of the guys told me to “<i>Position myself</i>” in regards to the matter of being seen as wifeable. I told him that if that is how babes are positioning themselves, then I decline.<br />
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No disrespect to any female who is about that bathroom cleaning life, but personally, to get on my knees and scrub a tub, clean a toilet bowl and engage in all that stuff is pretty damn deep! Standing in a kitchen and looking cute while turning some fragrant stew in a pot is one matter. To clean a man’s bathroom is an entirely different matter and I promise all my <s>future husbands</s> who are reading this post – It will never happen if we are not cohabiting in the same space, living together as husband and wife, or there are extenuating circumstances at hand - i.e. The man is confined to a sick bed. Other than that, as long as you are hale, heart and able bodied like me, you have hands so pick up a bottle of catdamn clorox and clean your own catdamn bathroom! Nonsense and foolishness. <br />
I guess I just don’t know to play this dating game. Like I kuku told those "<i>three wise men</i>”, I’m not here to fake any funk and I will not put up any fronts, therefore I will not come to your house and clean your bathroom or do your laundry (that came up too). What I look like? Your housegirl? Nah bro.<br />
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These men sha, be wanting women to display domesticated traits and then after she has turned herself into a househelp, the men will bounce and marry some other entirely undomesticated goddess. If my point of view puts my already non-existent yards of wifey material further into the red, then so be it. Like I kuku told those guys, you African men can entirely miss me with your million rules and requirements, thinking that you all are doing us women a favor by proposing to us and it absolutely gets my goat. I am trying to chill, but trust that I will come out popping off every now and then when presented with ridiculous situations like deducting points because a woman refused to clean your bathroom/didn't take the initiative to show her domesticated side. If you want to observe whether she’s clean or domesticated, go to her house and see how she keeps it. I maintain that until you put a ring on a woman’s finger and both of you say your vows as man and wife, she is under zero obligation to do anything for you, or prove anything to you.<br />
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*Steps off soapbox and resumes observing chill*<br />
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PS:- I have had some of the most random ass conversations with African men on thier expectations of future wifeys. I should someday blog about the one that told me that it's negative thing that all he ever heard me talk about cooking was grilled chicken/grilled fish, as per no Naija food was mentioned. LMAO. I really can't...Original Mgbekehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11409561613382179987noreply@blogger.com31