Wednesday, June 2, 2010

You're not married yet...

Every day, you log onto FaceBook and what do you see waiting for you on your homepage?


Bisi has gone from being in a relationship to engaged

Anita is now married

'John just put a ring on it'

If your homepage ain't giving you the gist, you are straight up hearing it from the horse’s mouth when the Bisi actually updates her status via her Iphone for Facebook with ‘OMG, I’m engaged’. Or Anita is updating her status from her honeymoon, talking about ‘Chilling in Morrocco with hubby, I’m so blessed and lucky to have him’.

So, you’re like dagnabit! I’m taking a FaceBook break because this oppression is too much but, you learn the hard way that you can run, but you can’t hide…for the very next day, your homegirl is calling to give you the 'latest gist'… ‘Omo, guess who don engage themselves ooo’. If your homegirl ain't calling you, you're feeling the oppression every Sunday at church, when the Pastor stays announcing the latest engaged couples, and urging y'all to congratulate them, and pray for them. And if church isn't doing the work, all the millions of wedding websites that are circulating the internet, definitely hit home.


It doesn't help that you dated Mike for 6 years, and then he broke up with you on some 'baby, it's not you...it's me' and then turned around to quickly move on with some other chick, and propose to her after only 8 months of dating. You're like crap! What did I do wrong? I cooked for him, cleaned for him, provided a listening ear, performed those acrobatics in bed, and played the wifey material role like I was supposed to, so what did she do differently, that I didn't? Heck! He always told you that you were 'wifey', and a 'keeper'...but I guess actions speak louder than words. You're actually pissed off by the unfairness of the whole situation...after all you groomed him, primed him, prepped him and introduced him to your family and friends…only for him to pull the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’…and 8 months down the line, you stumble across his wedding website and you’re like what??? Imagine! Another babe dey enjoy the result of your hardwork. Kai!

Matter of fact, it seems like all of a sudden you're hearing a whole bunch of those 'they dated for 8 months, and he proposed' type of stories, and you can't help thinking about all the men whom you dated for 2 +years, and they ain't say peep about marriage. But when you think harder, you realize that all of them are married, so it definitely wasn't them with the problem now. Could it be you? things that make you go hmmm...


You're kinda hoping that this marriage fever will pass, and all man will begin to hear word again but who dash monkey banana? Marriage season is here to stay, and somehow you've been left on the sidelines looking at those million wedding websites, FaceBook status updates, and feeling those random twinges of self pity because it seems like everyone else in the world is getting married, but YOU.

What’s wrong with me', you ask. ‘Why can’t I meet a correct bobo too?' I’m smart, educated (2 degrees and counting), pretty, can cook a mean isi-ewu and generally throw down in the kitchen, can cook it up in the bedroom as well, and come to think of it, all those ex-boyfriends of mine always complimented me and said that I was 'wifey material’.

You just can't seem to meet a decent bro. The dating scene is wack and the 'market' is very dry and drab looking. All the guys that you've met recently all seem to praise your greatness and tell you how awesome you are, and how you’re wifey material…but…they aren't looking for anything too serious, and just wanna be friends with benefits.

You're tired of playing these guessing games with men...he likes me, he likes me not. You just want some permanence o jare! Someone to call your own, so that you kwa can oppress other single ladies on FaceBook. Ah ah, e easy?

It doesn't help that all your married friends smugly tell you how men see their future wives, and instantly know that she's the one/after a few months of dating, they know that she is wifey, sooo you're definitely thinking that something is wrong with you.


You’re thinking ‘chai…30 dey approach ooo’ (since the memo went out, that 30 is the cut off age after which if you’re still not married, you should go and jump off a bridge). Your ‘juniors’ don marry and born pikin since. In fact, dem dey on their 3rd pikin now sef. Your mates dey rock matching aso-ebi with their husbands in church and/or weddings.
You officially hate going to weddings because all the boo'ed up women seem to clutch their boyfriends possessively while marking their territory, the married women seem to be very smug about their status, and when it’s time to catch the bouquet, your married friends give you that pitying smile and the nudge like ‘girl, go and catch the bouquet na’.

Everyone is asking ‘oh baby, why you dey single sef?...you need to put yourself out there, go out more, be more social’…but they don’t know that if you do any more putting of self out there, na to run naked for street, remain.

You even start dreading running into your Aunts, because the subject of marriage always comes up and they give you all these suggestions, like you ain't tried it all. And let's not talk about your parents...


What’s a girl to do?


Do you continue to mull over the matter and feel sorry for yourself? Maybe even drive by a couple of bridges on your 29th birthday to determine which one you will jump off when 30 nack and ring no dey for hand?

Do you hang up all your mini skirts and abortion belts, in exchange for more Mary Amaka looking outfits, because ‘well behaved women and wifey material don’t hit the club no more’.

Do you join the church and become an usher, because rumor has it that all the good and God fearing single men full ground for church.
Do you hold off on buying that townhouse that you’ve been eyeing or that 2012 BMW, because your mother told you that men are intimidated by successful women?

I mean…girl, what are you going to do? Put your life on hold waiting for marriage to happen? Worry your pretty head about things that you can't control?

Truth of the matter is...you realize that you might get married, and you might not. It's all a game of fate + luck. So in the case of the latter, what's a girl gonna do? Hop off that bridge because life without marriage is a life not worth living?

But one day, like a bright shining light...it hits you and you jump up from your workspace in corporate America, feeling energized and ready to take on the world (your coworkers are alarmed but they will be fine). The light bulb goes off in your head and you suddenly know that you must continue to live life to the fullest and not worry about things that you can’t control. The dating scene is wack, and you're probably not going to meet a man at the wedding that you plan to attend next weekend, but so what?

The 'good' men are MIA (the women in Yankee claim that the men are in Jand, the women in Jand say the men are in Yankee, everyone abroad thinks that they are in Naija, and the women in Naija give you the blank stare, and say that there are no men)…so really, where are those men hiding? Well, until that magical secret hiding place is discovered, you decide that you are going to continue to do you. You're going to have fun with your girls (single or married), you're going to buy that BMW...life is short, abi? You're going to travel more and experience more of life. You decide that you're not going to put your life on hold and worry your pretty head over the fact that there's no bling bling on your ring finger.

You say to yourself 'I'm not married yet, but so what?'. Life goes on.


The end.


PS:- Many many thanks to everyone who commented on the previous post. I didn't realize that I was missed o. *cheeses*. Gracias, I really appreciated the comments.

PPS:- Definitely gotta thank whoever nominated me for the blogger awards, *curtsies*. I truly appreciate am.

PPPS:- Abeg make una pray for me o, I am definitely suffering from the case of 'lazyblogoritis'. I've been soo lazy, had a bunch of stuff I wanted to blog about/been wanting to make rounds and catch up on my fave blogs but na pure LAZINESS. I go try do better in this month of June. *crosses fingers*


Peace & Love.

75 comments:

miss.fab said...

Omg. Am I actually first???

miss.fab said...

Yay!!! Lol. Oya welcome back.

... Lol sorry I hate "first!" comments also but I couldn't resist. Okay off to go read now. :)

Gee said...

so sad I wasnt first---she beat me to it--seems like an interestin post, lemme go read!

Gee said...

LOl @ the men full ground for church--hehehehehehehh!
very funny post, mehn like you said shei, life must go on!
LOOOL--teww funny!

lucci said...

loved the post, so direct yet with a dose of humour.

miss.fab said...

the women in Yankee claim that the men are in Jand, the women in Jand say the men are in Yankee, everyone abroad thinks that they are in Naija, and the women in Naija give you the blank stare, and say that there are no men

Hahahaha I died at that part. Too true, lol! But that Mike dude didn't try o, haba. Shame on him!

I like this post. The idea of possibly ending up single for the rest of my life...? Wow. I can't even fathom that yet.

2012 BMW? It's not easy o!

Ada said...

:hang:
I dont know wat part to comment on sef.lol

Mwajim Al said...

LOVE IT!!! PLS buy the BMW and get the townhouse... Life moves on definitely and just as the Bible says: "There is a time for everything" When the time is right, it'll find a way, and you don't want to wake up and find out you had been holding your breath the whole time... :)

Anonymous said...

Abeg buy that condo and townhouse jare and BMW sef fit join am. If a guy is confident in himself and really gbaduns (likes) you, he will not only support your BMW driving condo living self, he will help you drive the car and buy footmat for the apartment too.

Lady X said...

Ok I thought it was only me that seemed to notice that. It is definately a trend! The whole guy/girl dating one girl/guy for many years and then when they break up he/she dates the next person for just a few months and then they get married. I know where all the men are hiding :)

Bunmmy said...

pls Lady X, reveal the secret...lol very funny and enjoyable read.

miz-cynic said...

yes o. i agree with everythn about this post...as in whr are the men? sotay one of my friends is considering dating a "bouncer...at least she go dey console herself with the "muskles"

Lara said...

"the women in Yankee claim that the men are in Jand, the women in Jand say the men are in Yankee, everyone abroad thinks that they are in Naija, and the women in Naija give you the blank stare, and say that there are no men" lol

I am tired of the whole marriage issue, abeg i will buy the town house and the BMW and live life to the fullest.

shorty said...

Well said!!! Don't even know what to add, you've said it all.

doll said...

LMAO @
‘oh baby, why you dey single sef"
and
‘girl, go and catch the bouquet na’.

But on a much serious note...this is a very serious and sensitive subject..am just 24 and i know the pressure....peeps can ut you under pressure without even opening their mouth...its amazing!

I agree that it is a game of fate and luck....


All in all patience, prayers and living your life to the fullest not waiting for Mr. Right is the answer...i think

Beulah! said...

Mgbeks, welcome back ooo..so gud to read from u again. This post is spot on!...How many of us single girls actually feel this way once in a while?, so many. There's more to life than just marriage, the bible says God makes everything beautiful in his time & his time he perfect all that concerns us.

Hope u r back for real oo...see more of u in June...-:)

Deez said...

I feelz what you're saying. My motto is "better happily single than unhappily married".

Evee said...

Bulls eye post.

Mighty funny and spot on. For those people who give the 'It's me and not you speech' then go on to marry someone else almost immediately, I say to them 'Fire burn satan'. Everyone wants to be called a Mrs. these days even if thet get abused physically, emotionally and otherwise.Nobody should be pressurized into marriage after all it is not moimoi. I believe you should enjoy yourself, if marriage comes ok, if not, life goes on.

Reverence said...

love love love it.
nothing else to even add sef.

rethots said...

'men' where art thou? ...just to let you know that whether you show up (& sweep the 'ladies' off their feet) or not, life continues.

Fascinating subject.

neefemi said...

lmao... my personal person.....whats good? i hear you and the topic is becoming grating, but i'm with you on that do me....like u said "he" usually knows within months that you are the one...so i'm sure he will see what he's looking for and the rest is up to God....tk cr ma

yankeenaijababe said...

I love this post girl, the truth is just enjoy your life, people would always talk whether you are married or single, having kids or not, people never seem to ming their business, the next time people bother you about your relationship life, tell them you keep your personal business private, they should get the message...crazy people.

Jaycee said...

"Maybe even drive by a couple of bridges on your 29th birthday to determine which one you will jump off when 30 nack and ring no dey for hand?"

Lol. Please it's not even that serious. Lol.

flourishingflorida.net said...

lmao @ the women in Yankee claim that the men are in Jand, the women in Jand say the men are in Yankee, everyone abroad thinks that they are in Naija, and the women in Naija give you the blank stare, and say that there are no men.

these men, where una dey na? ah ah!

Ms.O said...

My sister, it is not easy, since the day I finished my last undergrad exam, The marriage topic seems like the only appropriate one for people to discuss with me. I am tired! And believe me I am young oh! Mschewww as if marriage is the be all and end all!...KMT!

flourishingflorida.net said...

BTW, this is FFF. Am not Flourishingflorida & rocking it @ www.flourishingflorida.net

Anonymous said...

Nice anon: single good men are in my backyard. everybody hanlele and tofi to my house. Let me dish them out to una. No dulling o!

2cute4u said...

This was so inept! I can only keep nodding and like repeat to myself like ' this chic so knows what's up'
Thank you so much for this post. You definitely have no idea whose sanity you've saved! Would bring up a similar post soon.

aida! said...

nice post
saw your blog name on the naija blog website & decided to check it out.
First of all, i really love your blog name & you seem very humorous.

nne said...

died laughing...

Formerly stealth reader said...

lmao @ go and catch the bouquet naaa" lolz
i wish u to always remember not to stress cos sometimes u forget u made up your mind not to stress and you start feeling the oppression again. cheeeeeeeers

TayneMent said...

LOL...you forgot one thing: Maybe you are just too picky.

Nyeh, there's nothing else to be said or done, na so life be.

Scarlet said...

Married or not, life still goes on. Once can't put life on hold just cuz ure waiting for a man

Nwanne said...

The only thing wey remain na "kpom!" This post is so on point.

Thankfully, I recently removed my sunshades and saw the light.

Meanwhile, I think 2cute4u meant to say adept not inept. I may be wrong.

MPB said...

Once again the truth has been spoken. Since I turned 29 I drove around and found my own bridge to jump..lol, olurunmaje! I am here to stay till God wants me to!

leggy said...

so sad...but you are right.life does go on.

Tega said...

Mgbeke...I laughed die...ahn ahn

And i so totally agree...the way forward is to live o...not exist and pine..Thumbs up...great post

Rayo said...

This is so f-ing on point!!!

Nutty J. said...

U don start.

Correect Post

histreasure said...

lmao...Dis babe, now it is obvious your are back..so spot on and real with ur usual dose of humour..

We should never let any situation define us..happiness can be achieved at any level.

LucidLilith said...

*sigh*
What's a girl to do? This story is actually more common than we like to let on. I believe we find love when we are not looking. Just enjoy your life and stay mentally positive. Also, stay away from situations where the M word comes up. If it does, shut it down immediately. No need to bring bad karma to your already zen mind.

Also, not all women WANT to get married. I am a genuine commitment phobe. I fear marriage no be small.

The Girl with the Red Hair said...

you missed out, why are you picky? You can get always get to fall in love later?

I always feel like shooting anyone who ask me that question.

Anonymous said...

you're not even joking. i feel you plenty. nice 1.

Mamuje said...

Amazing, Amazing post girl. You slammed the nail in the head!

Neo said...

God bless you! That's all i can say. This was an amazing post.

mizchif said...

OM!!!
See i'm just happy that you updated at all, and with this piece ehn....
in short.

Nne, plix try and be updating on the regular inugo?
Tenks.

somyokafor said...

love this post, really inspiring and funny too.This marriage thing sef can really frustrate someone, I'll be 24 next month and really i dread it cos once that day comes I'll be receiving calls from my aunties not only to wish me a happy birthday but also to remind me that the clock is ticking. mchewwwww, very annoying.

Anonymous said...

Love this article! I live in Yankee and lived this article... I got the townhouse, got the great job and did all the travelling I could afford ... France, Italy, Asia, Bahamas ... I even did some of the travelling solo. I enjoy travelling and travelling was my 2012 BMW. I finally got married just after my 35th birthday and I'm happy to say on my wedding day, I didn't feel like I was sitting around holding my breadth waiting to get married. In fact, my first trip to Asia was just 2 months before I met my husband ... No regrets about the single years ... and I'm enjoying the married years now too ...

Azazel said...

I feel this post dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, lol but question though..
U said all the good men have gone, but what is a good man to you???

48 said...

OM!!! I kno I'm late o but yes, you were missed:)

I feel you on this post...it dawned on me that I can put stuff on hold while waiting for something to happen because apparently the majority of our life is spent WAITING for something. Can you believe that? So...I'm gonna take those dancing lessons and get my salsa on with the girls instead of waiting for that man that I wanted to take em classes with:( lol. I'm gonna indulge and be kind to myself while waiting for that dream job - or that business to take off. I'm going to make now the best time of my life and believe that in due time everything else will fall into place because they will. Key thing is to keep expecting and believing...nothing is too far out, it's all just a matter of timing..xx

olu said...

Judas fucking Priest!!! WHAT! You come back here and you don't place an ad on CNN (or someplace like that) to that effect?! I still dey vex with you. Off you to read...

olu said...

'...the women in Yankee claim that the men are in Jand, the women in Jand say the men are in Yankee, everyone abroad thinks that they are in Naija, and the women in Naija give you the blank stare, and say that there are no men)…so really, where are those men hiding?'

Jesus H. Christ! Funny as fuck!And o point, too. You sure have your blogging mojo. Update now!

NewLife said...

interesting post, I think the issue is to address the common denominator with all these men, which is you. Men may tell you, you are wife material, but men tell you what you want to hear, to get the acrobatics and ultimately move on to the next girl that will open her legs, remember that's 2 for a penny. The acrobatics in the bedroom is not what keeps the man,a man that cant wait for you is not worth having in the 1st place. A wife material stands out from the rest, that's why a man may know immediately,within a few weeks or months that he wants to marry her, its not her skimpy,"I'm very available" clothing, trust me.
Owning the house and owning a luxury car are not the issue, its the attitude that goes with it all, is it "ms independent or a humble heart that's so beautiful to a man that's looking for a wife. Look in to yourself sweetheart, be authentic, men that WANT to get married look for this. I can't believe all these comments and not a single mention of these truths. Don't allow people to dig a bigger whole for you. Good luck.

♥Blu Yamamoto♥ said...

lol..so tru am just 20 and some of my highschool mates are married.. 2 sef have kids, buh am not so into marriage so no shaking..lol

ronztopz said...

I so officially love. I could have written that as in if I wasn't so lazy. Shoo! when the light bulb comes on can we say peace of mind!!!

ifeoma odogwu said...

wow! ds post was worth every single word. its funny how society makes it look like a crime not 2 b "married yet". i had a friend whose "evil" mother taunted her for weeks just bcos her bf dumped her after 4yrs instead of comfortin d poor girl. i have a lot 2 say bt dont want 2 create a mini post. marriage is not a do or die affair those who think so need 2 realise that not all that glitters is gold n get over themselves. if u get married fine. if u end up breakin ur mum or dad's heart by not doin so, it is still damn fine!

Andrea said...

Welcome back, very funny post

miss b said...

the correct guys are in jand ohhhh, come come come! lol

Myne Whitman said...

Welcome back jare, this is original mgbeke, no counterfeit, lol.

Life goes on!

Ginger said...

Mgbeke nwunye di m. nno! I'm so late to the party naa.
Biko hapu those FB oppressors aka. If its not "oh its our anniversary" or 'My baby is cuter than yours pix' it is 'honeymoon in Paris'. Very inconsiderate of them :-p. Jehovah anyi ga-aza anyi ekpere na oge ya.
@Anonymous who got married at 35. We need more gals like you speaking up. much love!

Ginger said...

Is there a price for the 60th commentator?? I want......

Ginger said...

going going.....




ok. forgive Mgbeke. I am feeling naughty. maybe if I had ofu di and umu aka abuo agaram na-eme akamu ugbu a.

Anoda Phase said...

nice write up OM...and pretty straight from the heart too...pls update more regularly (pot addressing the kettle here, lol)...

Mocha said...

Babe: all I can say is.....

Chukwu gozie gi kita kita!!!

This is spot on.
And then there's the mum's who emotionally blackmail you
with reminders of their 'earthly expiration'...*blank stare*

Na wa.

How u dey? Long time girl.

Enoch said...

Girl you had me lying in state @ "mean isi-ewu."

Have you considered Ecuadorian men? Low maintenance and eager to marry.

I can't offer any advice except; don't let the desperation show. It's a major turn off. I'm betting most guys like me can always tell when a girl is putting up her King James Version.

isha said...

Where have you been? Welcome back. That post hit so many spots. Lol. Girl, there's no other choice but to Live and keep Living.

Anonymous said...

OOh my God this post i so on point..i was single for a while i just got engagaged and all of a sudden the poeple that dissed me cos i was single wanna be my friend cos of the ring on my finger MCHEW!!! yeye people!! i was really dissed and fustrated but God was faithful trust God and he will bring the right guy!!

Zena said...

Well Said, Well Written

And Somebody shout HALLEUYAH!!!

One3snapshot! said...

lol. funny ass fecking post. You're crazy!! Lol how about go by the orphanage and pick out the two kids you're gonna adopt 'cos you're just gonna carry on with life as you can 'control'
dah well...

Anonymous said...

Very nice writing = I compliment you for the style.

But for the content, if that is what happened to you - I cannot compliment you. Neither many responders.

You blame the man that he took what you gave to him ? Your time, your efforts, your sex ?
Why are you complaining ? You wanted it that way.

Had you wanted to marry, you would have followed your elders advice: do not become intimate until there is a full commitment, that is until after marriage.

Why do the elders recommend this ? Because they have seen girls in your situation hundreds of thousands of times.

Men most likely marry when their professional education is finished; then they have time to get settled.

Anyway, your question was what is a girl to do ?

I agree with NewLife: repent, that is, change your heart. Be chaste.
The truly good things come from God, not from men.

Not different for men. And yes, in the church you may have a better chance to find marriage material - of course.

Rita said...

LOL @ John just put a ring on it...

My dear, life is to be enjoyed when you have it...joining department in church might leave one disappointed when the motive is to find man...let me not talk too much about this matter...

CousCous...xoxo said...

I am reading this in my office , and my colleagues must think I am mad, I am shaking my head agreeing with you and chuckling away...running away from the aunts. You go find your own husband to wear aso-ebi with ooo, don't stress...by the way, I like your blog....xoxo

Phosh said...

'On Point' Girl...echoes my innermost un-expressed musings but guess what?I'm not one to sit & stare...I'm soo hitting d road with my Hummer, catch me if you can,either way I'm living life to its fullest...so it is a Win-Win!

Eknoreda said...

This is sooo on point. Oh, it feels like you live inside my head. I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me. Married friends say "you need to go out more" like there's some store outside my house where the men are uo for sale.

Pepperz said...

Babe! My girlfriend and I actually stood up and gave this write up a standing ovation!

This is an outstanding view of the single world we ladies live in.

Kudos, hope you don't mind but I'm refering people to your page to come read this for themselves.

Fantastic. I am a loyal follower. God bless x