Every day, you log onto FaceBook and what do you see waiting for you on your homepage?
‘Bisi has gone from being in a relationship to engaged’
‘Anita is now married’
'John just put a ring on it'
If your homepage ain't giving you the gist, you are straight up hearing it from the horse’s mouth when the Bisi actually updates her status via her Iphone for Facebook with ‘OMG, I’m engaged’. Or Anita is updating her status from her honeymoon, talking about ‘Chilling in Morrocco with hubby, I’m so blessed and lucky to have him’.
So, you’re like dagnabit! I’m taking a FaceBook break because this oppression is too much but, you learn the hard way that you can run, but you can’t hide…for the very next day, your homegirl is calling to give you the 'latest gist'… ‘Omo, guess who don engage themselves ooo’. If your homegirl ain't calling you, you're feeling the oppression every Sunday at church, when the Pastor stays announcing the latest engaged couples, and urging y'all to congratulate them, and pray for them. And if church isn't doing the work, all the millions of wedding websites that are circulating the internet, definitely hit home.
It doesn't help that you dated Mike for 6 years, and then he broke up with you on some 'baby, it's not you...it's me' and then turned around to quickly move on with some other chick, and propose to her after only 8 months of dating. You're like crap! What did I do wrong? I cooked for him, cleaned for him, provided a listening ear, performed those acrobatics in bed, and played the wifey material role like I was supposed to, so what did she do differently, that I didn't? Heck! He always told you that you were 'wifey', and a 'keeper'...but I guess actions speak louder than words. You're actually pissed off by the unfairness of the whole situation...after all you groomed him, primed him, prepped him and introduced him to your family and friends…only for him to pull the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’…and 8 months down the line, you stumble across his wedding website and you’re like what??? Imagine! Another babe dey enjoy the result of your hardwork. Kai!
Matter of fact, it seems like all of a sudden you're hearing a whole bunch of those 'they dated for 8 months, and he proposed' type of stories, and you can't help thinking about all the men whom you dated for 2 +years, and they ain't say peep about marriage. But when you think harder, you realize that all of them are married, so it definitely wasn't them with the problem now. Could it be you? things that make you go hmmm...
You're kinda hoping that this marriage fever will pass, and all man will begin to hear word again but who dash monkey banana? Marriage season is here to stay, and somehow you've been left on the sidelines looking at those million wedding websites, FaceBook status updates, and feeling those random twinges of self pity because it seems like everyone else in the world is getting married, but YOU.
‘What’s wrong with me', you ask. ‘Why can’t I meet a correct bobo too?' I’m smart, educated (2 degrees and counting), pretty, can cook a mean isi-ewu and generally throw down in the kitchen, can cook it up in the bedroom as well, and come to think of it, all those ex-boyfriends of mine always complimented me and said that I was 'wifey material’.
You just can't seem to meet a decent bro. The dating scene is wack and the 'market' is very dry and drab looking. All the guys that you've met recently all seem to praise your greatness and tell you how awesome you are, and how you’re wifey material…but…they aren't looking for anything too serious, and just wanna be friends with benefits.
You're tired of playing these guessing games with men...he likes me, he likes me not. You just want some permanence o jare! Someone to call your own, so that you kwa can oppress other single ladies on FaceBook. Ah ah, e easy?
It doesn't help that all your married friends smugly tell you how men see their future wives, and instantly know that she's the one/after a few months of dating, they know that she is wifey, sooo you're definitely thinking that something is wrong with you.
You’re thinking ‘chai…30 dey approach ooo’ (since the memo went out, that 30 is the cut off age after which if you’re still not married, you should go and jump off a bridge). Your ‘juniors’ don marry and born pikin since. In fact, dem dey on their 3rd pikin now sef. Your mates dey rock matching aso-ebi with their husbands in church and/or weddings.
You officially hate going to weddings because all the boo'ed up women seem to clutch their boyfriends possessively while marking their territory, the married women seem to be very smug about their status, and when it’s time to catch the bouquet, your married friends give you that pitying smile and the nudge like ‘girl, go and catch the bouquet na’.
Everyone is asking ‘oh baby, why you dey single sef?...you need to put yourself out there, go out more, be more social’…but they don’t know that if you do any more putting of self out there, na to run naked for street, remain.
You even start dreading running into your Aunts, because the subject of marriage always comes up and they give you all these suggestions, like you ain't tried it all. And let's not talk about your parents...
What’s a girl to do?
Do you continue to mull over the matter and feel sorry for yourself? Maybe even drive by a couple of bridges on your 29th birthday to determine which one you will jump off when 30 nack and ring no dey for hand?
Do you hang up all your mini skirts and abortion belts, in exchange for more Mary Amaka looking outfits, because ‘well behaved women and wifey material don’t hit the club no more’.
Do you join the church and become an usher, because rumor has it that all the good and God fearing single men full ground for church.
Do you hold off on buying that townhouse that you’ve been eyeing or that 2012 BMW, because your mother told you that men are intimidated by successful women?
I mean…girl, what are you going to do? Put your life on hold waiting for marriage to happen? Worry your pretty head about things that you can't control?
Truth of the matter is...you realize that you might get married, and you might not. It's all a game of fate + luck. So in the case of the latter, what's a girl gonna do? Hop off that bridge because life without marriage is a life not worth living?
But one day, like a bright shining light...it hits you and you jump up from your workspace in corporate America, feeling energized and ready to take on the world (your coworkers are alarmed but they will be fine). The light bulb goes off in your head and you suddenly know that you must continue to live life to the fullest and not worry about things that you can’t control. The dating scene is wack, and you're probably not going to meet a man at the wedding that you plan to attend next weekend, but so what?
The 'good' men are MIA (the women in Yankee claim that the men are in Jand, the women in Jand say the men are in Yankee, everyone abroad thinks that they are in Naija, and the women in Naija give you the blank stare, and say that there are no men)…so really, where are those men hiding? Well, until that magical secret hiding place is discovered, you decide that you are going to continue to do you. You're going to have fun with your girls (single or married), you're going to buy that BMW...life is short, abi? You're going to travel more and experience more of life. You decide that you're not going to put your life on hold and worry your pretty head over the fact that there's no bling bling on your ring finger.
You say to yourself 'I'm not married yet, but so what?'. Life goes on.
PS:- Many many thanks to everyone who commented on the previous post. I didn't realize that I was missed o. *cheeses*. Gracias, I really appreciated the comments.
PPS:- Definitely gotta thank whoever nominated me for the blogger awards, *curtsies*. I truly appreciate am.
PPPS:- Abeg make una pray for me o, I am definitely suffering from the case of 'lazyblogoritis'. I've been soo lazy, had a bunch of stuff I wanted to blog about/been wanting to make rounds and catch up on my fave blogs but na pure LAZINESS. I go try do better in this month of June. *crosses fingers*
Peace & Love.