Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Bleachers Gonna Bleach

I’ve always wondered why people get so up in arms about bleaching, bleachers, and the whole “chillaligans” (in my Joseline Hernandez voice). Case in point… As long as I’ve been aware of the oh-so popular Toke Makinwa, I’ve also been much aware of the fact that she supposedly bleached her skin.  I mean, if Toke bleached skin in 1999, it’s 2015 and people will still not allow the girl to rest.
You see a post like “Toke stuns in new photoshoot” and one Ajayi will come and comment “ehnn, why is she hiding those dark knuckles?”, or “Toke at a charity event” and someone will say “She’s so fake with her over-bleached self”.  Me I just be observing  like make una free the girl abeg. She bleached and so what? Did it affect your own melanin or the lack of it? Let’s move all move onto other topics. Her yellow is here to stay. Shoot if you ask me sef, I think that if people are going to go the bleaching route then they need to even hit up Toke for her strategy. Her own bleaching job seems to be well executed. No coke and Fanta behavior per the pictures that I have observed of her.
But seriously sha, you go fear Naija people aka the Bleaching Police. Someone cannot come and be forming yellow and fresh without one other person coming at them with allegations of bleaching. I’ve read so many comments on blogs where the conversation would go like this:

Commenter 1:  Ehnn, isn’t this the same Mary that was so dark in Uni? Na wa oooo, awon bleachers, God is watching una o *insert judgmental rant*
Commenter 2: That’s a big fat lie. Mary has always been light skinned and she obviously lives in London now, so duhh the air there makes people’s complexions fresher.
Commenter 3: Tahhh, she bleached jare. Look at her knees and knuckles (apparently the quickest way to spot a bleacher is be peeping the knuckles)
Commenter 4: I’m light skinned and have dark knuckles and I’ve never touched a bottle of Jik in my life. You guys need to stop jumping to such conclusions, it’s ridiculous!

*debate ensues*
Me in the cut: *facepalm*
Side bar: Do people get as much in arms about other body modifications i.e. breast implants and such? I wonder.
I definitely will not drink Panadol ontop of what someone else chooses to his/her skin? You are an adult and you understand the potential repercussions abi? Okay, go ahead and do what makes you happy. The thing wey you dey chop no dey make me mess. My only plea to #TeamJik is, abeg do the job well and don’t assault us with eyesore color-blocking skin behavior. I dey beg una.
In the same vein, I’m not mad at people like Dencia who have chosen to profit from the bleaching/skin lightening industry with her Whitenicious line. That’s her hustle so she should go ahead and make that money. I know that she gets a lot of flack for brazenly promoting that line, but much as a lot of sanctimonious individuals choose to insult and criticize her, it seems that she is still doing very well in the business. Despite all said and done, the “Laiskin” industry seems to be trending, and a lot of folks want a piece of the action.
Now, if we drill down to the reasons for why people bleach…I think that a commonly stated assumption is that people who bleach are insecure. And they could very well be… who knows. Or they might be a Caitlyn Jenner* and claim that they’ve always felt like they were meant to be light skinned but were born in a dark skinned person’s body .  Again, who knows.
Everyone indeed has their reasons. Some may indeed be borne out of wanting be more attractive to the opposite sex i.e. “I want to be more attractive to men, because most men I meet say that they prefer a light skinned woman”, or some just might think that light is right, and they never want to be wrong.  Na only them sabi and in the end, despite all the outrage that some people express over in the matter, in the end, bleachers still gonna bleach and I won’t waste valuable Panadol ontop of their headache.
*On that Caitlyn Jenner matter, someone had a tweet that was the WORD during the whole uproar about Bruce/Caitlyn’s gender change. She asked why everyone was so accepting on Caitlyn, but would be the first to slang and haul all types of insults at people who bleach. So so true.
So, like I said…going forward I don’t want to hear any pim, pam, pom about the likes of Toke and co, ‘cos when it comes down to it, all na the same modification of self.
In the end, if you are comfortable with your skin color and not about that bleaching life then that’s truly what’s up. If you want to bleach for whatever reasons known to you, do you (be sure to research the implications and remember to keep it as flawless as possible #Saynotocokeandfanta). Like the boy Meek Mill said, "I aint judging though, they aint on trial", so no judgment from me. I have bigger fish to fry than worry my pretty head over what someone else chooses to do with his/her body.
And that is all she said.

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Some Married Men and the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Policy

A while ago, I attended a friend’s wedding and ended up sitting beside a fine young man in church. We got to chatting and I found him to be a nice fella. At the reception, we went our separate ways but reconnected again at the bar where we got to talk some more and made plans to meet up the next day.
The next day, we met up and in summary probably spent a good 5-6 hours together doing nothing but innocent chilling and gisting. I was simply enjoying the company of a fine young man without thinking too far ahead into the situation.
So errr, when a well-intentioned friend who had seen us hanging together at the wedding, hit me up that next day and asked me “How do you know Mr. XYZ?” I responded that I didn’t know him from anywhere, and was just meeting him that weekend. She then hit me with the “well, be careful sha because he’s married” advice and I was like WORD? Married ke? I never hesperrerit.

And so since he was in “my very before” (aka presence), I digested the information and turned to ask him… “Mr. XYZ, word on the street is that you’re married. Is this true?” and he said “Yes I am…I figured that Jane would tell you eventually”.
I can’t even explain the type of side eye that I gave him that day. Like hold up dude! We’ve been in each other’s’ presence for how many hours, and you needed me to hear about your marital status from a 3rd party? BRUHH.

To be honest, ol’ boy never said anything to me that was out of line or that screamed “trifling”. Our interaction was truly just great conversation with some refreshments and small chops in the mix but I just found it really questionable that we had literally spent hours together and not one peep, pim, or mention of a wife entered the equation. The thing really get as e be o. 

Ultimately, he gave some explanations… “I just wanted to get to know you independent of the marriage tag” and asked me… “Would you have been as open with me if I said told you that I was married from the jump?”. An explanation that I thought was just tales as I pointed out to him that when I met my closest male friend, in 5 minutes he had already told me that at the time, he had just gotten married to a gal in Nigeria. And that didn’t stop us from flowing and geling as friends.
Me, I sha said that I would have appreciated some transparency and honesty cos that deliberate omission was shady. But in the end, we cleared up the situation and spent the remainder of the hangout session in good company albeit an increased awareness of the situation. Shady non-disclosure aside, I still think that Mr. XYZ was a very cool individual, definitely the perfect gentleman at all times, and I don’t regret the interaction at all.

But that definitely got me thinking about some of these Naija men and their coded policies. It’s literally a “don’t ask me, and I won’t tell you” situation these days. That situation that I described above was not the first time I had met, interacted and flowed well with a guy and then belatedly found out that he was married. What is up with that?
When I get married, first of all I need my husband to wear his damn ring 24/7 (Like seriously, why don’t these men wear their rings?), and even with the ring, he gotta namedrop “my wife” like 2 seconds into any interactions with females. LOL.
But on the real…Dear Husband can’t be out there kiki-ing it up and spending significant time with a woman with zero mention of me. Nope, that wont fly bruv. SAY MY NAME and make sure the girl knows it very well. 

That’s how some of these females get entangled with married men and they don’t even know it at the beginning. By the time they find out, some of them are too sprung to walk away. I’m in no way justifying those relations but I can see how some situations can get real complex. I had this ex-coworker that dealt with a married man for about 4 years, and she said she only found out that he was married about 8 months into their relationship by which time she was way too sprung to leave the situation. Now why she carried her leg and stayed there for 4 years, na only she know ooo. But sometimes these men stay on that non-disclosure and deliberate omission behavior and then women get all caught up and can’t flee from the devil. Again, I make no excuses for the side-chick behavior but I’m just saying.

Sha sha, based on that deal with Mr. XYZ, I have decided that going forward, I’m going to straight up start asking dudes “Are you married?” before continuing any conversations. These days it’s not only by bare ring finger that you will know o, as a lot of bruvs don’t wear their rings out there on these streets. Sha, I can't even guarantee that all married men will be truthful about thier status but I know that the Lord on the Throne will definitely give me the spirit of discernment in these matters. Aminnnn.

Knowledge is power, and it’s good to remain aware. That’s how you will be innocently minding your business and some random girl is mean-mugging you and you’re wondering why. It just might be some man’s disgruntled wife who thinks you are after her husband, meanwhile the man didn’t even tell you that he was married.  That is how wahala starts.

And that is all she said.

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Random Yarns on Travel

I recently went on a vacation to Capetown, South Africa, and on my way to the airport to catch my flight, I ran into a 50-something year old lady on my shuttle who was so excited to be traveling. She said that she hadn't left the U.S. since she was about 18 years old. She was heading to India to get certified as a yoga instructor...or something along those lines.  That conversation had me thinking about how people like me who have gotten some chances to travel, tend to take it for granted that everybody else hops on a plane and travels. I remember being so shocked when someone at my old job told me that the only time she had left the state of Maryland was on a trip to New York for a friend's party. And even more recently, someone else told me that she hadn't been out of the U.S. except for when she traveled to Jamaica for her honeymoon. I found that to be so interesting.

I'm no world traveler but between 2008 and present, I've managed to check the following new cities/countries/places off my list:

1. Costa Rica
2. Kuwait
3. Aberdeen, Scotland
4. Cancun, Mexico
5. Dubai, U.A.E
6. Toronto, Canada
7. Barbados
8. Capetown, South Africa
9. San Jan, Puerto Rico

To the travel gods and the main G-O-D, thanks for making these trips happen.

I would love to do more/go more places but iraintalwaysheezy. There are a lot of factors that hinder the wanderlust spirit within...such as other financial commitments (pepper never rest to be flying up and dan yanno), vacation time available from ze place of employment, and as I recently discovered since switching to the world of Consulting, how your client utilization hours are affected by too much time off and how this subsequently affects the profit your managers can make on your head. This trip to SA alone had my manager slyly hinting to me on some "you can always work evenings and weekends to make up your hours" (as if I had a choice) so yours truly was indeed working 10 hour days plus some weekends to boot. Chai, I sometimes miss the stability of 40 hour work weeks at the Government.

I think that one other factor that affects grand travel plans is if going to Nigeria for Christmas enters the equation. My mom has some huge delusions that I should be visiting home every Christmas, to which I silently yimu. Nigeria is an expensive waka, and definitely not the relaxing, scenic vacation that man pikin needs sometimes. To you guys who go to Naija every December, then throw in 2 other exotic locations per year, I definitely salute.

In other travel yarns, during my layover at Heathrow on this Capetown journey, some lady lost her handbag and literally fainted from a panic attack. She was so distressed. Poor thing! I really hope she found it and everything turned out okay for her. On behalf of my fellow absent minded, forgetful people, I definitely empathized with her. I've had my crazy forgetful travel moments too... the time I was to catch a flight from JFK to Aberdeen, drove all the way to my friend's house in Jersey, and while trying to check in online, realized that yours truly had forgotten her passport in MD. So guess who woke up bright and early the next day to make a 6 hour round trip just to grab the damn passport?

...or the other time my friend gave me a ride to an airport an hour away and I realized that I forgot my hand luggage at home. WHO FORGETS THIER HAND LUGGAGE? *raises hands*. What had happened wasssssssss...uh huh! I can just hear my mother scolding in the background "You are so so so absent minded" as she usually does. What can I say mama? I'm working on it! We can't be great at everything yanno! The good thing about those experiences is that I now triple check that I have my passport and hand luggage. In fact I actually write a "to pack" list before I travel and this really helps to keep me in check.

Last but not least, in these travel related yarns...I have a travel "bucket" list which is as follows:

- Randomly get upgraded to business class on an international flight. It's happened to my mom and 2 other people I know. Like heyy, can the people who man the check-in desk just see me and shine their light of favor upon me?? I'm still hoping...until then, na economy class wey we dey tanda for.

- Visit at least 35 of the 50 U.S. States, last time I counted I was at 20.

- Knock off the following more cities/places/countries off my list: Rio De Janeiros, Brazil; Greece (hey Santorini!!); Tokyo/Hong Kong/Somewhere around the continent of Asia; South of France; Hawaii. There's more but these are on the top of my list.

- Fill up my passport with stamps before it expires in 2019. And then replace it of kerse.

- The obligatory Eurotrip.

Dassit in a nutshell. I hope to check each and every single one of these sooner than later. But until then, it's back to the grind and back to trucking along until the next vacation opportunity arises. C'est la vie.

Peace and Love.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Rich or Poor, Swag or No Swag, a Jerk will Still be a Jerk

First of all, can I just say a very belated happy new year to you all? My happy New Year wishes on this blog are always quite belated…but you know my mentality of “better late than never” which definitely rings very true this month. January never even finish and I’ve heard of more than enough deaths and seen more RIPs that I’ve cared to see. We thank God for his mercies in keeping us thus far and I pray that we won’t have cause to mourn any of our loved ones this year, AMIN.
Now onto the gist of the day…

Recently I was having a conversation with 2 male coworkers about men and their levels of income, and what I was willing to accept based on such levels. They asked if I could date a man who I made more money than, and I said yes.  They then followed up with “would you date a man who made X dollars less than you?” And my response was No.
Nna ehn, you go fear vex. They started preaching to me about how superficial we women can be and blah blah and ended the tension-filled rant with “A lot of you women miss out on a good man who can treat you right because you are so focused on money and finances”.
Ultimately their rants fell on deaf ears for 2 reasons:
1.  I am far from materialistic.
2.  A woman is still allowed to have preferences yanno.
3.  I’m so over people tensioning said women about their preferences and then pulling out the  "a man who makes less money/doesn’t have swag/isn’t fine/[and all the other “disadvantages” that he may have] will treat you right so stop aiming high"

It’s like the formula for a good man these days is one who falls below a woman’s standards and expectations because “OMG, Swagger boys are trouble (which I admit most of them are but still…), Accomplished men are entitled azzholes, and a simple guy will treat you like a queen”. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is where I have to call BS on such tales by moonlight. What are we basing such cool tales on?
It has not gotten to the point where it is a sin for a woman with an MBA to say that she wants a man who also has an MBA because "gosh, relax your standards...besides men with MBA are jerks. Go for the LPN or CNA instead, he will love you well well", "or go for the man with an Associates degree, he will treat you better". Such yeye talk.

After talking to my family friend about a recent relationship that didn’t end too well for her, and how she heavily relaxed her standards for the guy who turned out to not even be worth the hassle at all, I said that I’ll be darned if going forward, I open my mouth and advise any woman to compromise on what she wants from a man. I might not find it to be reasonable but you know what, your life is yours to live and my 2 cents doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme. If any woman gets up today and says that she won’t marry until she can snag a Dangote, I won’t vex because what she chop no dey make my bele run. There is no guarantee that she will find happiness with broke Mufasat from the street so who am I to advise her to give up her dreams of snagging a Dangote type? In the end, even if she never finds what she wants and chooses to stay single because of that, that’s her own concern and nobody else’s. Folks might be sniggering behind such a woman’s back on some “that’s why she’s still single” but hey, she’s single and probably happier than settling for a man who didn’t meet up to her expectations and constantly having to compare him to other people’s richer husbands. Her choices are her choices.

Men can be the most superficial individuals but nobody tells them “Give up your dreams of catching a Beyonce, because a Beyonce will not treat you right but a Whoopi will”. Nope, never heard that before. So why do we preach to women to relax their standards on some phantom theory that the man that they relaxed their standards for will be the knight in shining armor? Idongerrit.
Sha sha like I said, I sure as heck won’t be the one to tell a woman that she can’t want what she wants. #Yesshecan2015!
 What’s that saying? Aim for the stars and you will get the moon or something like that…
 It’s not ontop singlehood that babes will just fall for any and everything on top of “he will treat you like a queen”. Cool stories that chill the bones.

Come to think of it, all the extra superficial, high-azzed requirements babes that I know actually ended up with their exact spec so who said that its not good to want the better things in life. And hey, even if their husbands might be jerks, like I’ve said and will say…isn’t it better to cry in a Maserati than cry inside Molue cos the way I see it is this…rich or poor, a jerk is still going to be a jerk so don’t be there heavily relaxing your standards for any bruv that aint cutting it for you.

*Steps off Soapbox*

Now before I peace out, I just want to quickly shamelessly plug my girl Taynement’s website over at It’s definitely my go-to for new shows to watch e.g. Jane the Virgin, The Affair, and it's gingered me to get back on old abandoned shows like Masters of Sex.
 She also features great episode recaps (Scandal, anyone??), movie reviews, and everything relevant that you need to know about pop culture. And since its award season, is definitely the place to camp out since she usually posts predictions that are pretty darn accurate, as well as great red carpet features and commentary (Check her out on Twitter too: @taynementdotcom). So head on over, get your entertainment fix and thank me later!
Peace and Love brethren.

Friday, October 31, 2014

Is What He Sees Really What He's Gonna Get?

I have a friend who was practically harassed by an ex-boyfriend to confess her “number". She said that the harassment started when she started pulling some tricks inna di bedroom and the guy would be interviewing her and asking JAMB questions such as “where did you learn how to do that?” and eventually his judgmental attitude towards her bedmatics led to the end of their relationship. So as a once bitten, twice shy babe, she has sworn that in her next relationship, she is going to roll up to that bedroom forming the ultimate innocent “holy nweje” like she doesn’t know NADA.

I could definitely see where she was coming from on that p, as I’ve had/been privy to a couple of discussions where men casted pure judgment on women based on their behavior/personalities. Let me give some examples:

1. A male friend once told me that one of his friends passed up on marrying an otherwise great girlfriend because he was uncomfortable with the advanced levels and skills that she had in administering “bolaji” aka blowjob. This is a very true story.

2. I was having a convo with a friend about women going to strip clubs and how men view this. Ordinarily, I didn’t think that it should be an issue but like my friend pointed out, it could be one of those things were you go with your homeboys and they don’t care ‘cos they aren’t trying to make you the one. But let wife material enter the equation, and you will see how the story will drastically change. In fact as someone else so wisely pointed out, you might think that it’s nothing going to a strip club with your male friends, till one of their eligible bachelor friends who might have been winking at you visits from out of town and dem boyz casually mention that they went to the skrip club with you, and you will see how quickly that wink will disappear.
3. Even the most basic things like being the turn-up chick who knows how to knock back shots of patron/hennessy/ogogoro and is the life of the party is all well and good until men start looking for wife, and those same lively traits will collect a big red X as such tinz won’t a good wife, make.

Like I said… men are a very interesting set of individuals. You would think that it would be nothing but simple science for a man to be attracted to a woman who for the most part mirrors his interests and activities i.e. If he likes to enjoy the occasional night at the strip club, he would gravitate towards a woman who enjoys the same thing. But apparently not, as we can see that when it comes to some men and their mentality, what is good for the goose is not good for the gander and they will judge a woman who shares such proclivities.
Isn’t it pure hilarity when you meet some confirmed turn-up masters who spend practically every weekend in the club but will open their mouths to say that you can’t find wifey material in the club. So it’s husband material that is chilling there abi?
And I think that the most baffling statements are from those men who frown on certain sexual activities and claim that they would never engage in such with their wife and the mother of their kids as it would be demeaning to her. To which I always ask that if you aint gonna do that with your wife, then who exactly will you do it with kwanu? The convenient side chick abi? I'm getting you brothers.
The interesting thing about some of these men who pass up on a “lively” or even “worldy” woman for the demure wifey type is that down the line they start to complain. I know of 2 men that fall into this category. Totally by-passed women that would have gelled with their outgoing, turn-up nature and went for the quiet, wifey type (in their words). Now years down the line, these same men are complaining that their wives are boring, anti-social, not interesting and blahblah. I’m like abegi, save those #firstworldproblems for people who care. As you make your bed, so shall you lie in it so biko carry your sob story to the gods.
The way I really see it is that in this man’s world that we live in, there is absolutely no winning for us women. I’ve always been a firm believer in “be yourself” and “what he sees is what he should get” but please don’t take my advice sha as I can’t say that being myself has greatly helped me in the relationship department. I feel like the real winners out there are women who know how to (temporarily??) modify and conform to what they think that men want to see.
If he says that he doesn't like a turn-up babe, please don't listen to my opinionated (and quite single self) as I insist that you continue to go out and have fun, and please hang up your mini skirt + retire the Ruby woo (for now...*snicker*).
If he says he wants a quiet girl who won't stress his paroles while he camps out at the club every weekend, just get with the game and form "stressfree" and "go with the flow"...again, for now.
Infact, e get this girl wey I dey silently hail as someone who has the formula downpat. Her fiancĂ©e is the type who likes to go up and down turning up in everybody’s club, as in every weekend he dey mark register…and he loves the fact that she never stresses him or bugs him about how he doesn’t take her anywhere. But as I dey look the girl, I see a sharp babe that will give him some 180 degree character turn-about after marriage. When bobo gets up like “I’m going out with the boys”,she will flex muscle and say “Oh yeah? I’m coming along too”. And then he’ll be like “where is the woman I married?”…she probably was right there all along bruv.

A leopard can’t hide its spots forever so ultimately a woman’s true self will come out but shoutouts to women who have mastered the strategy of “I’m going to form A and then reveal B after I have guaranteed my spot in this situation”. I can’t even be upset at your deception because I do think that some men bring it upon themselves. I mean, in 2014 when some men will overlook a woman’s great traits such as her great personality, good looks, excellent credit, caring nature etc etc and dismiss all of that based on “She parties too much so I aint gonna wife that” or "she's way too advanced with her skills inna di bedroom", e reach to be coding some aspects of your personality until further notice. All is fair in this game of trying to get chose.
And that is all she said.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

How Much Investigative Journalism Do You Do?

These days the concept of "investigative journalism" has gone beyond making verbal inquiries about potential candidates in your dating pool to taking matters right into your very hands and doing the research yourself.  One of my good friends is a certified pro at investigative journalism. She meets a guy and goes to research him on social media, google, and even her State’s Judiciary website to see whether he has any outstanding cases open or closed that she should be aware of (i.e. previous marriages, credit card liens etc). She pretty much doesn’t like to surprise herself and in this day and age where men be pulling James Bond stunts from out of the blue, I aint mad at her tactics at all.
And then I have another good friend is also great at investigative journalism. She knows how to read between the lines on social media. She is probably the reason why some people padlock their Twitter accounts because home girl be on her job with tracking conversations, who liked what and who followed who, who subbed who and who deleted their accounts...I mean, the girl is a pro at putting two and two together. Like I said, I no dey vex at such tactics.
As for me, I do believe in the idea of investigative journalism. I admit to googling men…shoot I occasionally google myself so why should any man be exempt? I will pretty much try to gather as much information out there that I can…after all its all public records innit?

And then beyond researching and trying to gather information about a man who is yet to make the cut, there is also the type of journalism which involves staying in the loop and staying informed about men who have already made the cut i.e your boyfriends or husbands. So now we gotta discuss the other angle to investigative journalism which involves checking phones, emails, etc. This is a topic that has come up a million times for discussion on social media and my stance remains the same – I will check a man’s phone every now and then. Knowledge is power! 

 During a recent cycle of the wash, rinse and repeat Twitter discussion on checking a man’s phone, someone I follow stated that she used to do a weekly sweep of all her man’s devices in her relationship, and I got a very good chuckle out of that. On my part, my approach is this…I won’t always go out of my way to snoop look through a man's phone and similiar devices but if a bruv leaves his phone in my line of vision, I’m definitely going to go through it every now and then and satisfy my curiosities. If I sit down and see an email inbox open, I will take a quick glance through it. There is no shame in my game.

In fact, as some of you may remember, I once blogged about an ex whose email I happened to stumble across (and in this case, I didn’t set out to check, I logged on and he was still signed in), and thanks to my quick sweep of the inbox, I discovered some very incriminating deets including an email professing serious love for a female that he had known for an century and in some "I have always loved you and I will never stop loving you". Hian! based on those findings, I quickly exited the budding relationship and you know, down the line, the bruv actually apologized to me and confessed that he had been fooling himself all along thinking that he had moved on from that girl. He eventually moved across oceans to be with the girl and today they are married. See how investigative journalism saved my heart and my ego? I would have been there playing second fiddle to another woman if I hadn’t stumbled across all of that. Needless to say, I have been a firm believer in seizing opportunities to investigate a bruv ever since then because if you ask me, that was a God-sent opportunity and my Lord did save me from a life of playing second best to another woman.

On the flip, I know some women who are definitely not about the investigative journalism life and I can understand their stance too. The thing fit give pesin HBP when your eye come nack the thing wey you never see before, but I personally would rather be aware and informed than to live in blissful ignorance. And even if a bruv has nothing to hide and the search comes out clean, at least I know that I saw and confirmed that with my korokoro eyes.

And, as usual...that is all she said.

Happy Independence Day Nigeria!

Have a great rest of your week y'all.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Memo to Single Girls: Go on That Date

I recently befriended this really cool Naija babe at work, and as a fine babe like her is concerned, there’s a good looking African American young man who works in the client’s IT department that is interested in her. He has asked her out more than once and she declined his offers. But since he’s a persistent guy, he recently popped up again with his interest and even asked the Administrative Assistant on the project to please put a good word in for him. I think that he gets an A for effort.
So one day I observed the guy well, and noted that he truly no bad at all and so I asked my friend why she was not feeling the guy’s ring tone. The first thing she said was “Abeg he’s cute and all, but I’m looking for a Naija man jare”. My response to her was that it shouldn’t be a do or die affair, and at least one lunch date wouldn’t kill her. In my opinion, it’s something different to do + nothing beats a free lunch, but that’s just me.

I find that a lot of us Naija babes (especially in the abroad) tend to restrict our dating lives because we have this long term vision of the single family home with the well-manicured lawn filled with 3 beautiful children that we created with our NIGERIAN husbands. One Jermaine with all the right credentials approaches us and it’s an automatic “Nahhh” because he’s not Nigerian and so based on that you also decline the invitation to go out somewhere for dinner/drinks/coffee. I’m not here to preach to anyone about expanding their dating territory, but what’s wrong with going on one date at the very least? Like I said, it’s something to do, it’s a free lunch/dinner, and it beats sitting home doing nothing while waiting for the Naija husband to ride up in his BMW and swoop you off your feet. Plus, you just never know…maybe that one date with Jermaine could lead to an unexpected sonthing. But look, even if it doesn’t…at least you went on the date.

My approach to dating is “just do it”. I might not necessarily think that anything major will come out of it, but if I find a man to be decent looking and decent seeming (important keywords as I won’t advocate for dates with every Tom, Dick, and Harry), I’ll give him at least one shot. I had this moment of randomisity in the past where the stars aligned in my favor and for a stretch of time; I was meeting a new dude practically every month. Ironically, they were Naija guys. And I was going on dates which were nice and not all the typical “dinner and movies” thing… It was a good and fun experience albeit a bit tiring (which is the downside of dating). Nothing concrete and lasting came out of those dates but I’m glad that I gave each of those guys a chance and added the different experiences to my book of experiences. When the stars stopped aligning and I went back to the life of being a dry babe, I was quite happy to revert to my standard Friday night dates of Jollof rice + IrokoTV/Netflix. Dating can indeed be tiring but it was a good experience and I’m glad I didn’t just sit at home and spend every Friday night indoors holding out for Mr. Right and missing out on some good outings and the chance to get dressed and look pretty.

Ultimately I’m aware that there needs to be a balance between having a full calendar filled with dates for every single Friday vs. sitting in and watching Redbox movies on DVD while waiting for Mr. Right to appear but the way I see it is – these are our single years and the time to “get out there and live it up” (in the words of my married friend* -To which I always tell her that its easier said than done, but I do get her drift sha). I think that a lot of us tend to not “live it up” as much especially as we get older and think that “ahhh, what am I doing going on meaningless dates when I should be focusing on the long term view of the walk down the aisle”. To which I would advise anybody thinking such to please get their date on if bobos are asking. The same way that most of us wouldn’t refuse to work until we land our dream jobs is the same way that we should accept more dates if they are offered to us, while keeping an eye out for the Tunde to arrive. Afterall, what does it profit a woman to be jonzing in dryness when you can be out there chopping steak on another man's dime and getting your socializing on in the process. Abeg abeg, me I like a free lunch and a good time sha...hehehehe. But jokes aside, ya digs my drift?

That’s all I’m saying really. The tori no be long.

*PS:- I asked said married friend what she would have done differently as a single gal and she said that she would have done more, lived more, and gone on more dates. According to her, you get married and realize that in the end, all the stuff you cared about or fretted about as a single girl doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme. She also wisely pointed out that you have years and years to be married (if God grants both of you long life), and not enough years to enjoy and live it up as a single girl. So listen to my wise friend ladies and do more to live it up…at least I know that I’ll try to.

Peace and Love.