School Daze part 2: After the SSCE and JAMB

After my post on the Secondary School Daze here, I decided to write about life after secondary school.

After we finished secondary school, we waited with anxious and beating hearts for our SSCE and JAMB results. (Well, the rich kids who knew that they were going to Obodo oyibo waited anxiously for their SAT and TOEFL...Ha Ha)
My school had this wicked habit of posting your SSCE scores up on a notice board beside the Principal's office for the world to see. So imagine if you were one of those evil ass senior babes. Come exam time, you better make sure you study your butt off 'cos when the results came out, we Ju babes would flock to the board and specifically look for the names of all the wicked senior babes, the bubbling senior babes and what not.
I remember one very foolish and wicked senior babe wey come pack all F's on that board. Na correct laugh wey we laugh that day. Nonsense and Ingredients...

My SSCE score was pretty good. And thankfully I didn't have to take JAMB 2,3,4,5 times. I took JAMB once and my score was good too (No expo needed either). Na God ooo.
I'm chuckling here remembering my JAMB exam and how one foolish girl next to me was doing some serious Giraffe work ehn, the thing no get part 2. I no even get strength for am, I just let her be. Do any of you guys remember that term 'Invigilator'? I saw this one FineboyAgbero's blog one day and I wan laugh die. It certainly reminded me of my JAMB days. Those invigilators used to watch us exam takers like some serious hawks sha o. To pass expo in the JAMB hall required some serious maneuvering and techniques.
The day before JAMB sef, no one was at home. Everyone went to go and look for the 'expo'...lol. Naija sef!
And man, people had such intricate ways of hiding that expo ehn. I hear say babes would go and fix micro braids before the exam and hide the expo inside their hair, inside their bra, inside their shoe. Nna ehn, people were determined to get into University by ALL MEANS. Can't say that I blame them though, taking JAMB 10 times could frustrate a human being.

While I was sitting around bored and waiting for my SSCE and JAMB results, my mother asked me to go and register for the GCE examination. Initially, I dreaded the whole concept of it + I got posted to some wack exam location so I really was not feeling it at all but looking back now, I had a really good time sha. I made a new set of friends who I termed my 'GCE clique' and one of the guys in my crew had the hookups to all the supposedly legit expo. I really was not trying to study for this exam o jare, so every morning before exams we would all meet and plan on how we would pass the expo to each other. Needless to say, I FAILED pretty woefully...and they swore to me that the darn expo was the legit stuff o. Yeyerism...

Thanks to my good SSCE and JAMB scores, I was off to University within a couple of months. and thanks to those scores, I got admitted to study the only course that made sense if you were in the 'arts' field = LAW. Uh uh believe it or not, I the Original Mgbeke was gonna be a Lawyer? Pretty funny stuff since I came to Yankee and totally took a left turn from that field. But even till today, some of my friends insist that I could have gone to law school since I tend to be overanalytical/will not let an argument go until it is resolved and blahblahblah. Na them sabi sha...
But back-tracking to that sha, good scores were essential 'cos you could get admitted to the uni of your choice but get assigned to study some random azz course like Agriculture or some chit. Abeg wetin I wan carry Agriculture do? Or Secreterial studies...errrm no offense to any individual who may have majored in these o jare. Na so I see am oo...
Hmm hmmm but law, it was. And it was a pretty interesting department too. We had to wear black and white most days (for some yeye reason), and it couldn't even be cute outfits in black and white i.e maybe a nice pair of black pants and cute white shirt. No o, they wanted us to come to lectures looking 'corporate' and like future lawyers. I really used to wish I was in the engineering or computer science department so that I could rock my jeans and t-shirts as I pleased.

All in all, Uni days were pretty interesting. I definitely had a lot of fun being one of the hot jambites. It was nice to be a fresh and new face on campus. Hehehe, I remember how we would reapply our lipgloss when it was time to walk past the Engineering buildings just because that Engineering required a sister to put a pep in her step and an extra switch to her hips 'cos man o man, I am convinced that all the fine men in my Uni were in Engineering. And they had a habit of just chilling outside the department, hanging around so every chick who walked past, was subject to a good eyeballing by ol' dudes.
I had my Uni clique...we even gave ourselves some funny name. I don forget the name sha...twas about 7 of us babes, we would always have lunch together, party together and during someone's class break, we would go and chill in someone's on campus room or boys quarters aka BQ.Ahhh, memories. I was pretty darn miserable when I had to leave and come over here, I mean I was having way too much fun!

My sister recently told me that she ran into a guy who went to Uni with me, and he walked up to her, asked about me and confessed that he used to have the biggest crush on me in Uni. Hahahaha, I was like abeg ooo, who dat is? I hope it was one of those engineering cuties that I used to eyeball. *Chuckles*...unfortunately my sister forgot his name so that one may be one unsolved mystery. Ha!

It is one thing for the man to have money...

...and another thing if he actually spends the money on you. No be true wey I dey talk?
And I'm saying this because I stay hearing females gush about some paid men, talkin' about...'He has a great job making 6 figures, he drives a nice car, he is PAID'. I'm like oh that's all well and dandy but is he stingy? Is he an aka-aradite? (remember that strong glue wey we dey use for Naija?)
Trust me, when you date enough men, you will run into that man who has a nice profile...nice job, nice car, 4 bedroom house in a nice suburban neighborhood, the right education...everything about him will look good on paper until he takes you out and he tries to mask his cheapness under the guise of saying ish like 'Do you really need that? 'cos I don't want you to lose your figure' when he notices that you are perusing the dessert menu during your dinner date, all in the name of trying to get out of paying for your $6 dessert. True talk!

And while we are talking about money and men, what is it with men instantly assuming that every woman is out for their money? Like seriously negro, fall back with that foolishness. I remember one bobo wey ask me out to dinner but the bobo no sabi my hood well well so he asked me to pick a restaurant of my choice. Me, being me, I was gonna be considerate to his budget (not even knowing what it was), I mean I obviously wasn't gunning for a restaurant that served some extra expensive entrees and what have you. Na im the bobo come 'jokingly' insert...'Umm, whatever you do, please do not pick any restaurants that serve $1,000 caviar'. Joke or no joke, that statement vexed me ehnnnnn. As in, it seriously chooked me. I mean to begin with, has this man ever seen caviar in his lifetime sef? Secondly, why would he just assume that I would go for the top notch fancy joints. I found that to be very insulting and if you get to know me, you will know that I absolutely hate it when people make assumptions about my character. I will tolerate anything else but honey, please do not lump me in with those gold-digging women that you dated in this past. Needless to say, after the date...I thanked him for dinner and never called him again. Peace out homie!

Like men need to stop with that foolishness. Look at me up and down and tell me if I look like I need your money. And, I'm not even saying this on that whole 'I am a strong, black, independent woman' soapbox but c'mon dude. I have a J-O-B that pays all my bills, puts food on my table and leaves room for misc. things. I have a car that gets me from point A to B. Practically everything that I own was bought and paid for by moi, and I have never been of the mentality of expecting a man to pay my way so please don't come at me assuming that I want your money or worefa, as you dey see me so...I be correct babe and you sure as heck aint doing anything to upgrade me so abeg no dey approach me on some yeye nonsense. Ish like that just irritates the heck out of me.
I mean, a girl is innocently posing by the bar and man instantly assume that she is a thirsty woman looking for the next negro to buy her a drink.
You take her out on a dinner date and get mad when she orders an appetizer and dessert along with her entree? I just weak o! Maybe she is not a gold digger, maybe you are just a cheapskate which leads me back to my very first point in this post.

Aniwoos na the thing wey dey my mind be that and I don tok am.

Moving on, so make una tell me why my aunt is trynna marry me off. I decided to swing by her house yesterday and her friend from out of town was visiting. Mind you, my aunt don told me about this friend and how she has 5 sons who are dokitas or somn crazy and I was just like hmmm okay. Na so the woman come jam me, and since her friend was there...see the kain promo wey these 2 women were doing ehn. I almost turned red with embarrassment and I no too yellow sef. LOL.
In my very before, they were talking about me like I wasn't there. 'Her father is this'. 'Her mother is this. 'She works as a this'. 'She is a very good cook'. She is a nice girl from a good home. I was WEAK. The mother of the dokitas come dey look me up and down with approval and was like 'Ahh, won't you want me as your mother in-law?'. LMAO.
Abeg o, make dem leave tori for tortoise. Na beans?

Randoms:
1. Sarah Palin don lost her ever loving mind. Did anyone peep that 'speech' that she gave about her reasons for retiring from the Alaskan Gov. position.

2. How y'all like the new layout? Change is good...yeah?

3. My July 4th weekend was INCREDIBLY dry. Jesu Christi! I should have gone out of town sha. Mchewwwwwww.

No Long ting...

...It is way too early for my oga to be annoying me. I think that if he busts one more move, I will SCREAM. Or do you think that a BARK will be more appropriate?

...Jarrai/WordMerchant left Blogsville? Where was I when this happened? Ah well, C'est la vie. Life is about changes anyway, so let's welcome the new generation of bloggers. One day, people will cry and ask 'where are they' as we are currently asking about the whereabouts of some of the older ones.

...Groupies irritate me. Will do a blog post on this one day.

...Leggy and FaB! get me confused. This could be because FaB! has some long looking legs in her profile picture, everytime I see both of them blog ids, I think of legs.

...Just discovered Bracket. I play 'Yori Yori' everyday; at least 5x a day.

...It's July already?

... Any hot plans for this 4th of July weekend? I can't believe my DMV folk don't know of any popping cook-outs around these parts. There goes my fantasies of cook-out hopping looking for awoof food and drinks. DMV folk, represent o! If all else fails, I'll make one of the weekend days a movie day. Make I go see this Transformers and Proposal wey all man dey yarn about.
Nice Anon, I had better be screaming and stuvvs, as per Transformers na on some mental rumu rumu steez.

...Speaking of rumu rumu, what? when? how? I'm confused...where did this slang originate from?

...Anyone seen the Koko Mansion contestants? Is the show gonna make it to Youtube 'cos me, I gosta watch o!

...I read 'Act like a Lady, Think like a man' by Steve Harvey. Good book overall, according to Mr. Harvey, men need 3 things: Support, Loyalty and Sex. In an effort to check if Mr. Harvey was yarning the truth, I decided to poll one of my male friends to inquire about the 3 things that he needs from a woman and replied: Food, Sex and the Remote. To which I responded...'Are you an animal?'. *smh*
I'm just saying though, all these men talking about 'feed me, f*** me and shut up' really need to head to the Zoo to chill with their kind.

...See what I said about MJ? Even his pet chimp from back in the day is getting CNN coverage.

...Speaking of CNN, I'm looking forward to the 'Black in America' coverage coming up this month. It berra be better than it was last year 'cos after watching last year's episodes, I wanted to write Soledad O'Brien and ask her what exactly she felt she was sharing that was new gist to all concerned. 'There are many black single mothers', 'Black men face more challenges than white men', 'There is a high ratio of black men in jail'....errrm, can someone say old gist?

...Still on the CNN topic, seems like MJ related interviews will be the focus on Larry King live for the next couple of days.

...And still on CNN, imagine if Larry King dies. Don't side eye me...death is inevitable. But seriously though, he has been such a constant on our TV screens for soooo many years. My TV is constantly on CNN, and so I catch most of his interviews. Duuuude, whenever that happens just know that weeknights at 9pm will not quite be the same again.

...Seriously, can I just go to an event and have a good time? I'm kinda sorta getting tired of folk telling me 'keep an eye open for potentials' and to 'shine eye'. Eeeek! Did I tell you that I was worried about that?

...C'mon now. The BET awards wasn't that terrible sha compared to the hot ghetto mess of previous years. In addition, they just had 3 days to prepare na for this tribute. Make una cut them some slack. The sound checks were suspect sha! And am I the only one who LOVED Beyonce's dress?

...If you no like me, dem tell you say I send? Folk be feeling extra special sha. I ain't worried about you, so kindly keep on catwalking and don't worry about me.

Aniwoos, make una enjoy your holiday weekend. Mine starts today. Y'all keep it safe and if you're in the Yankee area, abeg no purge on too much BBQ'ed ribs and burgers o. Ha Ha Ha!

Levels dey...

...but I sure am glad that America is a leveler.
I don't know how it bes in the United Kingdom and other places, but in Yanks nobody really gives a hoot about the fact that your father is the president of Nigeria. In Naija sef, I would not give a hoot but then again, I can't speak for all my Naija people.
I remember the Nigerian Entertainment Awards that kicked off in 2006 and the after party that followed in a DC club. Apparently, the child of a very prominent political figure in Nigeria had walked up to the front of the line like they had a right to just bounce into the club and the bouncer who was standing at the door redirected this individual back to the very long line. To which the individual turned to their friends and said 'Ah ah, a whole me ke...stand in that long line? If this was Nigeria now, this would be a straight up VIP entrance...'. Ha Ha, unfortunately for that person, this is America and not Nigeria, where some people kiss your ass because your father is a somebody and that my friends is the plain ol' truth.

In my years in this country, I have been exposed to a whole bunch of 'the sons of X' and the 'daughters of Y'. And in general, I find that most of these folk seem to have a sense of entitlement, like you are supposed to bow to them because their father is X, and their mother is Y. Abeg o, wetin consain crayfish with Prada boots?
I'm not finna be impressed that your father has houses in Milan, Rome, Abuja and Egypt simply because that is your father's achievement and not yours. I'm not finna be impressed that you are a college sophomore pushing a BMW 745, because it's a 90% chance that the ride is financed by your father's money and not yours...because if we have to keep in real, how does a college student with no job buy a BMW 745?

Seriously though, some people will read this and instantly peg the hater tag on me. Think what you will, I just dey yarn my mind for here. I recently hung out with someone who got disrespected by another person who we shall call X, and as part of the rants, the person said...'Who did X think they were to approach me in that manner? Who is their father? Abeg levels dey o...', and trust that ya girl hopped on that real quick. I addressed that statement and told the ranter that I felt like the rant about 'who is X's father' was hella irrelevant to the fact that X was rude and uncouth. Like seriously honey, this is about X and not X's father. Nobody cares who X's father is in the grand scheme of things. Like if X's father was the president of Nigeria as opposed to a common Tailor, would that have made the rude behavior more excusable?
But check this, the person's reply mirrored my yarniz. According to this individual, maybe if X's father was one gengen person in Nigeria, then X would have had more of a right to come at said individual with such foolishness'.
You see what I mean? I seriously hope that this is not the attitude of everyone who comes from prominent families in Naija. Shuooooo, in fact I am just waiting for the person that will step to me one day and ask me who my father is. I really wish a negro would! Nonsense and golden morn...

Levels dey but America na leveler. Why don't YOU make some of YOUR own money, buy yourself that house, that car, and all that fabulous stuff...then maybe you can come and cough small in the presence of people who work hard for their money. I still won't be impressed by your material achievements, but you get more respect from me if you work for what you have and not have everything handed to you on a silver platter; yet you have the nerve to be shooting off at the mouth asking who peoples' fathers may be. I'm just saying...
If people piss you off, address them and what they did and don't be dragging fathers into it. Even if na George Bush sef, rude behavior is rude behavior and is inexcusable.

And on a final note, please remember that nobody can look down on you if you don't let them. True talk! If pesin wey dey rock Prada comes and stands next to you, while you are rocking your forever 21...you best lift your head up and not have a friggin' complex because of that 'cos once you allow yourself to have a complex, it will go downhill from there...the person might not even be scrutizning your $15 dress like that, na you wey go just dey kill yourself in silence. And if the person just so happens to be scrutinizing your dress and mentally turning up their nose, then na them sabi 'cos in your mind's eye...you are absolutely killing it in that $15 dress so if they want, they can point and laugh till kingdom comes. Can I get an Amen? :-D

The MJ randomness

Some funny status updates that I saw in the light of the MJ tragedy:

'Governor Mark Sanford on the death of Michael Jackson- There is a God'

'Farrah Fawcett's FML entry: I died and no one noticed. FML'

LMAO.

But abeg, make una no vex but dag, all those status updates on FaceBook were kinda killing me softly. Talk about MJ overload...am I insensitive to this situation, y'all? And I seriously felt like folk at the BET awards were taking it to the next level, every other sentence was MJ, MJ...na wa o. In fact let me stop before someone throws rocks at me.

Some pipu even carried the death of the poor man to promote gbedu talking about 'Come to Club Lotus on Saturday. We will be playing a bunch of MJ jams, ladies free before midnight and $10 for guys before midnight'.

I even saw promo for a few house parties under the guise of 'we will be bumping MJ jams'

Shuoooo. I just weak sha.

Aniwoos, it is a tragedy for sure and MJ will be missed. I've been bumping 'Human Nature' practically non stop all weekend. That's my favorite MJ song.

Nite nite dahleens.

PS:- Olu, I was about to come and fish you out from your hiding place. How you been dey na?

The fast life will age you...

27, and I've been there, done that.
I started out when I was 14, when those rumors were circulating.
Yup, those rumors. The ones about him and I being caught doing the nasty in the bushes.
Talk about adding salt and pepper to tori, all he did was finger me but trust people to over -exaggerate the story.
It was pretty embarrassing to have the whole world in my business but I covered it and I put my game face on.
Life went on, everyone moved on to the next gist and I carried on.
17, and I had graduated from secondary school and on my way to University.
As a new and fresh jambite, I got snatched up pretty quickly.
It was pretty exhilarating to be with one of the older guys, he was in the 300 level and pretty well known around campus.
We started having sex pretty soon, and he insisted that if I loved him, I would give him my goodies as often as he wanted it. Turns out that he wanted it like every day.
And everyday I obliged, because I loved him and truth be told, I loved the sex too.
He told me not to bother coming to his off-campus residence when I had my period so on those days, I stayed away...I hung with my girls instead.
By the time I turned 19, I was tired of it all. The sex was starting to get old and come on...my vagina had to breathe.
My boyfriend must have also gotten tired of my once precious goodies because he broke up with me eventually and moved on to another woman.
And so it was back to square 1 for me. I met more guys, got into a scandal or two...
There was that one time that Kate came to my hostel to confront me because she found out that I had been sleeping with her man on the low low.
It got pretty ugly and once again was embarrassing for me but who cared? I had already earned some kind of reputation around town anyway.
'Slut', 'Whore', 'Nympho', 'Public Toilet'...the list was endless. The women turned up their noses at me and the men just wanted to get in my pants.
By 20, I was learning that I couldn't just give my goodies away for free. I had to be making some money too like the other Ariztos girls were...
I loved sex, so why couldn't I make money off it too?
I started to meet with older men who would sleep with me and give me money. Lots of it...it paid off too because my father was a retired school teacher who didn't have much money to share amongst my 5 siblings and I, and so with the money that I acquired from my sugar daddies, I could pay the rent for me on-campus accomodations and buy myself some clothes and nice things.
My rep advanced from that of a general slut to that of an Ariztos girl.
But the fast life wasn't that kosher. By the time I was 22, I had 4 abortions. One time I had an STD scare, but all turned out to be well.
Did I learn though? Nope...I carried on doing what I did best. Don't judge me, you might have done the same if you were in my shoes.
Trips to Abuja to meet men, trips to Lagos and on one lucky occasion, a shopping trip to London. I was doing it big...I covered these trips up to my parents under the guise of going to my girlfriend's village for weddings and what not.
I even got a nice car from one of my men, which I kept parked on campus because I could not have explained this one to my parents.
Despite the glamorous appearance of it all, I was paying dearly for everything.
I gained about 50lbs...I can attribute that to the good life and sperm. No joke, sperm will do wonders to the female body.
Eventually, I got old to the men. They were looking for fresh meat and I was far from that. I still have a reputation around town...when men ask 'Do you know Amaka?' the usual response is 'Which Amaka? Is it Amaka E?' and then 'Ahhhh, leave story'.
Sadly, that is the type of reputation that I have.
I look in the mirror and internally I feel disgusted by what I see; a shadow of the innocent young girl that I used to be but to be honest, I really can't change things. This is who I am...
The money was like a drug, and I recently moved to Abuja...a town where I am unknown and resumed my Ariztos duties. After living that kind of lifestyle, it is hard to go back to my old one before all the money, ah ah...I too want to be a bigger babes.
People meet me and instantly think that I am 32. The fast life will age you...it has certainly aged me.

Happiness + Good Karma

Hello blogsville. Anyone miss me? *Waits with bated breath*...Hahahaha. So many updates but I will attempt to catch up.

On to the main tori...

Happiness
On a happiness rating scale of 1-10, I'd give myself an 8. I'm just a generally happy person...and nah, I'm not one of those extra bubbly, perky people who always let you know that they are happy. Mine is more of a calmer sort of happiness but I'm still a happy gal.
Don't get it twisted, it hasn't been and is still not smooth sailing on this journey that we call life. Far from it o, but through it all I just always manage to keep my calm and not let things phase me too much. I have always adopted a 'this too shall pass' mentality and an 'I'm not going to sweat the things that I can not control' and I think that these have really helped me.

I don't need to have the top notch material things in life to maintain my happiness (although I must admit that shopping does get me on some kind of high...lol). The most basic things in life keep me happy: Loving family, wonderful friends, enough money in the bank to pay my bills and a lil extra to put food on the table, blessings from God and other people..etc etc. I'm happy because I have inner peace with myself and others; I forgive easily so I carry no emotional baggage, my level of self confidence and assurance is at a 9 (will blog about this later), and above all I am happy because I truly believe that I also have that peace that comes from trying to form a stronger and closer relationship with the G-O-D.

I bask in my happiness and in turn try to do good things to the best of my ability for other people because that also makes me happy.
Which leads me to the next point...

Good Karma
Good Karma or blessings from God...you decide, but this might also be a contributing factor to the above mentioned general state of happiness. Sometimes it's like wow, why are people so nice to me? And then I remember that I try to be nice to others to the best of my ability. Don't get it twisted...I'm no angelic being walking the face of this earth but in my own little way I do try. I guess what goes around does come around, and everytime someone does something as simple as sending me a care package filled with goodies or a bunch my favorite european chocolates, I am truly humbled by the kindness. When someone offers to give me their log in info so that I can study for my professional licensing for FREE or offers to buy me that new bestseller that I've been dying to read, I am truly humbled by the kindness. I mean, people are nice to me and I'm always like 'Who? me?' It may seem small to you, but every little act is appreciated by me.

I recently went to one of my favorite African restaurants around this end and noticed that the cashier who is normally very nice had a serious attitude that day. So instead of adopting a defensive approach, I flashed my 32 and asked 'Long day?' and she replied 'Yeah, it's hot and everyone has been giving me attitude etc etc'. So I kuku told her 'Awww, how about you sit in your car for like 10 mins and cool off, I hope the day gets better for you' and would you believe after that little convo, she told me not to worry about paying 'cos the $25 worth of food that I ordered was on the house. I attributed it to good karma and took away a little lesson from it: 'Always inquire about moody people's day, it just may lighten up their mood that someone asked in the first place + you could score some awoof stuvvs'. LOL

And on a closing note, some random little things that make me happy:

• Getting my glamour subscription in the mail. Ahhh, I HEART glamour magazine.
• FUN times with friends. I love to have a good time, anyday...anytime. As long as it's safe, painless and legal. LOL
• The smell of fresh laundry.
• Traveling and seeing new places.
• Thrifting. It's like an absolute treasure hunt, I think that even the malls have lost their appeal as my love for thrifting has taken over.
• Reading comments from bloggers who say things like 'I think your blog is really cool'. I'm always like 'Ahhh, lirru ol' me?' Thank you guys. :-)
• Putting in hard work at the gym and getting comments like 'You look good'
  
• Hanging with my Philly fam! With these set of girls, it's always guaranteed laughs and a good ol' time.
• Bantering with folk. I love a good ol' playful exchange.

etc etc etc. The list dey long...

On that note, I'm off to bed.

The lying Devil + Nigerians trying to kill me again.

O blogsville residents, repeat after me...'The devil is a liar'.
Devil I senior you. Ooooo, devil I senior you. Spiritually, mentally, financially, academically, socially and physically.

Hia, make una come and see me see trobu ooo. Devil wan try me but hin no sabi say I senior am! Mai pipu na im I get one vacation wey I wan waka go next week and I applied for my passport since May 21st o. I suppose organize this waka this coming Sunday but come Tuesday, I still never see my passport.
I come dey sweat, dey perspire. I mean, I haven't been working on getting my body bikini ready for nada, have I? Shuooo...see mess up o!

I called the Passport office and dem tok say dem mail the passport out to me since May 29th, I said haba! I never receive am oo...see me see wahala. The passport rep tok say dem go mail the passport out on Wednesday (yesterday), and I should get it by today.

But yesterday, my heart still dey do jigijigipampam. I decided to call back to see if they had sent it out again and I encountered another passport rep who started to yarn long story about setting an appointment to enter DC and have them re-issue another one. Ol' girl practically felt my claws come out over the phone as I gave her some serious attitude ehn! Is it only DC? I had to friggin' pay $200 to expedite that ish so I'll be damned if they made me do an unplanned waka into DC. The heck?

I just vex, tell the babe say make she give me tracking number so I can log onto the USPS website and peep the situation for myself. Put the tracking number into the website and saw that the passport was chilling in the post office right next to my house. In fact this passport had been chilling there since May 29...*hisses and rolls eyes*
Called the post office, the passport was there and I was out of work by 4:30 in an effort to make it to the P.O before 5pm aka closing time. Long story short, my brand new passport is right here with moi and I sayyy the devil is a liar!

So I come senior the devil for this one and I don tok say no weapon formed against me shall prosper. Amen?? Your girl is off to Costa Rica for 5 days, come next week with my passport in hand. Wooohooooo! So I'm hella looking forward to that, and I know that it will be a fun trip. :-)

On to other news, Nigerians will NOT kill me. I know you guys must have already seen the emails/ FB notes about the new Naija abbreviations. I don did a couple of posts in the pasts and some people commented with 'LWKM', it took me a while to figure out that LWKM= Laughter will not kill me. Hahahahahahahha....
As in ehn, the abbreviations no get part 2! I was seeing ish like:

MIDG - make i dey go
WGYL - we go yarn later
IGA - I gbadun am
ICS - I can't shout
DJM - Don't jealous me
WBDM - Who born d maga
UDC - U de craze
WDH - wetin dey happen
NDH - nutin dey happen
FMJ - free me jo
BBP - bad bele people
HUD - how u dey
WKP - waka pass
KKL - Kokolette
MML - mamalette
GFF- Gbono fe le fe le (e.g., she GFF)
NTT - Na true talk
IKU - It koncain u?
NDM - no dull me
LGT - let's goo there
IFSA - I for slap am
IGDO - I go die o
YB - Yess boss
NLT - No long thing
2GB - 2 gbaski (e.g., the song 2GB!)
CWJ - carry waka jorh
WBYO - wetin be your own
MKG - maka gini?
WSDP - who send dem papa
INS - i no sendINFS - i no fit shout
WWY - who wan yarn
NBST - no be small thing
NWO - na wah oooooo
NMA - no mind am
MIHW - make i hear word
NBL - no be lie
NB? - na beans?
wd - wetin dey
UNGKM - u no go kill me

Abeg o, mai kontri pipu...which kain abbreviations be these ones na? LMAO...ooops LWKMD. Hia! In fact this one no be abbreviation again, na just pure laziness. Hahahahahah. I just weak for the situation. Can you imagine what text messages will start to look like? Imagine a text conversation where NiceAnon said that she heard that I am trying to holla at Scribbles.

Mgbeke: NB? NWO...INFS (Na beans? Na wa ooo...I no fit shout!)
Nicey: NBL? UNGKM shaaa. (No be lie? You no go kill me sha)
Mgbeke: ICS. FMJ, MBDM... (I can't shout. Free me jor...Who born the maga?)
Nicey: LWKM. Anyways WGYL (Laughter will not kill me, Anyways we go yarn later)

Like shuoooooo. LOL...oops LWKM. Anyways my pipu, na the tori of the day be that. Make una continue to maintain for ya end o. Have a bubbling and shuffling weekend and if anyone wan vex you this weekend, just ask if dem sabi di day when George Bush start to climb on top okada. I mean, levels get levels. Who born the maga? In fact, I no fit shout!

Peace & Love. :-D