Random Ramblings...

Taynement made me do this...

As much as it seems that everybody and their mama is getting engaged and married, I still feel that there are a LOT of single folks out here on these streets with no significant others in sight.

Speaking of marriage, maaan people dey code sha. I remember back in May 2011 when my family friend stopped by my spot, and we were talking about how it’s a tough life out on the single streets. As I dey yarn, babe dey follow me yarn. I even asked…"How far na? Any better?" and she was like “Mann, nothing dey o”. Fastforward to November, and my mom announced that this same family friend was planning her traditional AND white wedding for December 2011 with a guy that she had been with for 4 years. I was like hia! O_o… Omo, these days you can’t assume that everybody that is following you to yarn singility really is single. Babes and Goiz are coding things hard. I mean, I understand not deliberately wanting to announce your status to the world, but if folks flat out ask if you’re seeing someone why code? Ah wellz, to each his and her own.

There was another instance of coding where another babe who we know coded her relationship die! Then on her wedding day, she uploaded traditional pictures as her BB DP and it was like “Woahh, this chick was even seeing someone in the first place?”. Apparently, even her close friends were kinda sorta in the dark. LOL.

You ever notice all those folks on Twitter who tweet things like “Chilling in the VIP with @xxx and @yyy”, "Sushi and champagne with my girlies" or “Relaxing at home with a glass of Pinot Noir and some scented candles” etc etc. Those tweets actually crack me up. How come no one ever tweets about the regular azz events in their lives like “Sipping on some fanta and watching TV”, "meatpie and "mineralsss" at Mr. Biggs" or “now sitting at home reading a book” but must tweet all the so-called "posh" events like “Enjoying some Thai food and white wine with my BFFs”. Hilarity.

I think that “old age” has finally caught up with me. For the last couple of months, this is how I spend a typical weekend: Get home on Friday after work, park my car and not move it until I go to church on Sunday (only recently), or work on Monday morning. I think the last time I actually dressed up for an event was in October. Ah ah, this kent be life na. I tried to blame it on winter hibernation, but apparently I wasn’t that much better in the summer either. I’m sure my girl is tired of inviting me to things. She sends me invites every week and I tell her that I’m studying (which I am supposed to be doing actually :-/). Welp! Gats do better this summer sha. And, ah well, if nothing else I can continue to look fondly on the summer of ’09 (my most fun-filled and the bestest summer so far) and ride on those memories :-D

Yours truly is a product junkie. I have phases where I’m into different things. At some point, it was pashmina scarves. Then it was berets and hats. Then it was sunglasses. Lately, it’s been beauty products and lipstick!!! (Ulta is the devil y’alll)… I don’t know when I turned into some sort of mini-lipstick junkie but I have entirely way too many tubes. Which is fine, ‘cos I’m that girl who will wear bright lipstick to run an errand. Lipstick must not waste.

Look, if you ever have to rent a car…bone up and pay that extra $50 or whatever for rental insurance. I rented a car over Thanksgiving break, and was feeling cheap so decided not to get rental insurance ‘cos I have personal auto insurance. Long story short, I hit a rock while parking, and Geico only shelled out like $250 to cover the claim and I had to pay over $600 in out of pocket expenses. E dey pain. Learn from me y’all.

Like I said, you have Taynement to thank for this post…and the post before this actually. That is one friend who actually tries to hold me accountable. For instance, in my soon to be 29 years on planet Earth, I had never been to the Gynecologist and for as long as I’ve known Taynement, she’s been harassing me to go to the Gyno. Soooo after a recent threat *gulp*, I decided to cart myself to the gyno. Trust me, it was the most uncomfortable/awkward 5 minutes of my life yooo but heyy, I did it! So, let me harass some of you too…go to the gyno (if you haven't) !!! LOL. Might I add that after the Gyno, I was feeling extra motivated and subsequently scheduled appointments with the dentist and an physician for an annual checkup…so I’ve done my good healthy thing for 2012, to be continued annually from this point on. Amin!

On that note, I get the impression that most people in Naija don’t do the regular medical and dental checkups. Like here in Yanks, they preach to you… “Go for your annual gyno checkup”, “get your annual physical”, “get your teeth cleaned every X months”…but in Naija, it seems that folks just be smooth sailing and living seemingly long and healthy lives. It is only by the grace of God o jare.

I should do a post on the things I've learned off Twitter, but here's one of them from Nigerian Twitter: Everything tastes like struggle. Every single thing. Beans? "Such struggle food"... Jollof rice? "Struggleeee", Garri? "Nah men...that's all about the struggle". I'm waiting for the day that someone will say that filet mignon tastes like struggle. It is coming soon.

And that is all she said...

Till we relate again. Peace, Love, and Hair Grease.

On Being too Picky, Settling etc etc…

The other day, my mom and I were discussing an eligible bro who was ready to get married and identified my sister as the one for him. Unfortunately for him, my sister wasn't feeling his ringtone. It was a bit of a dilemma for her because she said that while he looked absolutely amazing on paper and seemed like he would make a good husband, good father etc etc, she just didn't feel that connection with him. I said you know what sis? There is absolutely nothing that is doing you. Marriage is a lifetime commitment and you want to at least be excited about whoever you choose to spend the rest of your life with...Right? Right.

Sooo, as I dey yarn…me and momsie were discussing this matter and my mom just couldn’t understand why my sister would let a grounded and eligible bro like that pass her by. In an effort to do voltron force, I said “Mommy abeg, she’s not feeling the dude naa so allow her”…Omooo, momsi just vex! In a rare outburst of frustration, she said “Ehn, you and your sister are so picky, always talking about connections and compatibility…if you guys do not take care, both of you will be left on the shelf”. I had the O.O expression on my face, then I was like whaaat? and I burst into a fit of laughter. I mean, it was quite funny actually...like say what now?? After I laff finish, I was like “Ah ahnn, Mommyyyy”. But she was on a roll…

She now proceeded to give me the following examples:

“Do you think that Uncle A was this well dressed and polished when Aunty B met him? Nooo, she polished him and molded him”.

“Do you think that Uncle X was this accomplished when he met Aunty Y?”

Etc etc.

She rounded off by stating that my sister dearest and I are always going on and on about this connection thing, or saying that a guy is too this and too that but you can grow to love your husband in a marriage.

I mean, that day my mama show me say this matter wey her daughters never marry dey seriously chook am. Ya know, I ain’t even mad at her. She has spent too much money on other people’s asoebi and it’s about time that folks kwa come and spend money on her own asoebi. The Lord is on the throne.

But…

Dag. Can I at least want what I want, and not want to settle without folks thinking that I’m being too picky? I’m not stuck in a bubble where I think that everything that I say or do cannot be challenged. I know what it means to be too picky and I don’t consider myself to be unreasonable with it. I mean…I would love my dude to come pre-packaged and ready made to fit a good portion of the elements that I’m looking for. Like why do I have to be the one to polish and mold him? As you see me so, I’m a constant work in progress and I’m not waiting for superman to swoop in and upgrade me. Na me wey go upgrade myself. So, if I meet a guy who I feel isn’t up to what I would like then no, it’s not my game plan to “just go with it and try to change him to fit my ideal over the course of time”. Sorry momma.

Settling

I read a very interesting blogpost the other day that made me think. Long story short, a bride is walking down the aisle soon and she feels no butterflies or extreme excitement for her groom. But she knows that he’s a wonderful man, and will make a good husband etc etc (I paraphrase).

After I was done reading, I asked myself…would I want to do this/would I do this? And as of today, my answer is no. For me, having a connection/spark/butterflies/excitement is so necessary. I need to be excited about my significant other, I need to have a great connection with him and I need him to stimulate me in every single way. I have never been in love or loved, but I absolutely know that I want to be in love and love whoever I decide to spend the rest of my life with. I do not want to just marry whoever because he looks good on paper and hope that he will grow on me as time goes by or hope that I grow to love him. What if he doesn’t? What if I don't? Will I now spend the rest of my life wondering "what if I had waited to see what else was out there?"....

Now I realize that friendship is key because ultimately you need to be with someone who is your friend, and so I want a man who will be my friend, and all of the above and more sef...I get open eye na :D

I’m not even game for that “let a man grow on you” mentality. I’ve done it once…dude was really sweet and we had good convo, and so even though I knew that I didn’t feel any kind of spark/excitement for him, I was like hey let’s give it a shot and maybe he will grow on me. It never happened and along the course of the relationship, he was way more into me than I was into him. I mean, he made a great boyfriend and I will recommend him to anybody…but it was just not for me.

Yep...I'm not trying to be about that "I can grow to love him" life. Like I always say...the world will question your decisions and offer their opinions i.e. My mom telling us that we can grow to love our husbands in marriage, but ultimately when I marry the man, it's just gonna be both of us. My mom ain't going follow me into my marital home and follow me as I try to love my husband sooo....

Now in terms of the person who wrote that post, I can’t say that she settled. Everyone has their own kini when it comes these matters and so I’m just speaking for myself and what I want.

What do you guys think? Are butterflies overrated? Is excitement overrated? What is settling to you? - Please excuse the JAMB questions. Hehehehe.

Aniwoos jare, it's the month of February but it's not too late to say Happy New Year abi? I really haven't had much to say in general and so I've just been chilling. Figured I would post this up while it's still fresh on my mind.

I hope y'all are all safe, sound and at peace.

We go relate.

On Weight, Body Type, and Related Yarns

Curvy women

I have always admired curvy women. I think that they just exude a certain level of sexiness. It seems that most guys see a curvy woman and thinks “child bearing hips = future mother of my chilluns” or “Damn! That ass is phat” and such things of that nature. Heck, me sef I’m convinced that if I was a dude, I would definitely be the type to gravitate towards the curvy ladies. I’m talking about the figure 8 type, with some nice thick thighs, and supporting endowments on the back and front. Nothing do them jare, curvy women are definitely sexy. For instance, much as everyone swears that ToolzO wears body magic, and is truly fat…I’m like whatever she is doing works very well for her, and I think that she is one hot chick with an awesome figure. Now curvy/thick is obviously very relative because I seem to be in the minority of individuals who do not think that ToolzO is fat, but apparently a number of folks do. To that I say…to each his/her own.

The funny thing is…most of the curvy women that I know want to lose weight. My friend who has that figure 8 shape and constantly has all the dudes panting after her, thinks that slim and trim women are so hot. I’m like are you serious? Dudes look at women like you and automatically classify you as sexy, without you even trying to do anything. Hiphop artists and rappers constantly compose songs that elevate women like you. Mayne, if I had her shape, I would rock the heck out of it. As a woman on the slim/non-curvy side of life, I highly doubt that most cats see me and the first thing that springs to their heads is “Whoa, she's sexaaay” or “her body is the business”…in fact, the other day I had to ask via twitter if there are any dudes out there who gats love for us non-thick ladies ‘cos I feel like the curvy ladies are what every guy talks about these days. I mean, everywhere you turn these days, dudes are pushing out tweets such as “no country for chicks with no nyash” or “A-cup chicks will die alone”, “Thick women rule, only dogs deal with bones” etc etc…LOL. Please, if you have figure 8 + endowments biko rock am well o. It’s a cold world on this side of life… *chuckles*.

Guys and their yarns

But while we are talking about guys and their constant yarniz on the internet...forget matter sha 'cos guys just like to yarnnn. A lot of dudes use social media such as Facebook and Twitter to state that they want this or that. I mean, peep this gist of body type...I swear, I've seen enough yarns from dudes who state that if a woman isn't thick, then no hope for her. In my opinion, all na tales by moonlight. Like I once responded to a dude and his "no country for a-cups tweet", you can evict us to the next country, but in the end you guys will still come to that country and marry us a-cuppers. I have a friend who is at most a size 2, with small boobs and literally no ass…I lovingly call her a chicken wing. But I swear to y’all that this girl’s game is on a kentro level. I always tease her and say that she lives that “Sex and the city” kind of dating lifestyle. Chick pulls dudes any and everywhere…pumping gas o, grocery shopping, sitting at the bar at T.G.I.F, crossing the street, walking into work... you name it. She is constantly going out on dates in her size 2 fabulousness. So, every time I hear of a new date, I chuckle and think… so much for dudes wanting to ship women like her to the next country. I bet half of the dudes who see her and ask her out, have stated on Twitter and FB that any chick they deal with had better have the type of booty that you can sit a cup on. Moral of the story is: If you’re the sort to take what guys yarn on the interwebs to heart, re-think your strategy ‘cos in my opinion all na yarns. If a guy likes you, he likes you...size 1 self and all.

Weight…in general

I have to say sha…I do enjoy the privileges of being on the slimmer side of life. I can walk into McDonalds and supersize 2 meals, and guess what…no one will give me the side eye. My 300lb counterpart walks into McDonalds, and probably already gets the judgmental stare before he/she places an order. I like my weight, and have no complaints about it (except for the fact that hip-hop artists do not dedicate lyrics to girls like me…can someone say discrimination???). I’m not the type to balk at a few lbs gained here and there, but I realize that the more I see some people and do the mental double take like “dayumm, what happened, he/she used to be so slim?”…I truly truly do not want to be that person. In an ideal world, I will remain a size 6 forever…post-kiddies and all. I don’t know about that sha, because while I’m currently blessed with having the type of body that allows me to eat a bunch of nonsense, and not gain much weight, I’ve been told countless times that this will catch up with me in the future… *gulp*.

In general, the the weight/body type topic is an interesting one, and it’s even more interesting to see everyone’s views on it. For some, the grass looks greener on the other side and for others, they are just fine chilling on their own turf. Some people obsess about their weight, and others don’t give it much thought. Whichever category that you fall into, nothing do you o jare. If you be orobo and happy with it, kudos. If you be lepa, and proud of it, kudos. If you’re an orobo wanting to turn into a lepa, good luck…and if you’re a lepa who wan turn into orobo, good luck to you too. Oh, I won’t forget the “in-betweeners”… make una keep on keeping on too o jare. Na one love wey go keep us together…

Okay, I obviously need to sign off now ‘cos I have started to yarn jagjagbantis.

Peace and Love.

Random Musings on the Single Status

I had a funny convo the other day:

Him: How long have you been single?

Me: Since XYZ

Him: Wow, you must be lonely.

Me: Actually, not at all. I quite like my solitude as a matter of fact, and I never feel lonely.

Him: Oh, please.

Me: Seriously.

Him: As humans, we need companions…

Me: No, we might want companionship but we don’t NEED companionship. We NEED air, food and water. Those are vital to our existence. As a single girl, I’m still alive and breathing…

Him: No, we need companionship and you need companionship. Man and woman are meant to be together, you need a man. How do you manage in the winter time?

Me: *Burst out laughing*…what kind of question is that? (like seriously, the hell kinda question was that???) I pay my BGE bill and can afford to turn on my heat and stay warm in the winter. Besides, man and woman are meant to be together or whatever, but it doesn't have to be right now for me.

Him: Keep it real. You know that deep down, you feel alone and need a man in your life…

Me: You know what? I’m not even going to go back and forth with you on this because regardless of what I say, you have already formed your solid opinion on this issue soooo moving on…

Mgbeke: 1. Dude: 0

If you've been reading this blog for a while or you know me, you probably know that I can voltron for the single matter die! But omo, I don dey tire to have these conversations. Everybody is convinced that every single girl out there is incomplete and lacks something in her life, and no matter the amount of self-voltroning that you try to do…folks see it as you trying to console yourself, and not keeping it 100%.

I don’t know about the other ladies on single street, but as for me…I can tell you without any element of doubt, that in my current and very singular state, I feel very fine. It’s not even something that I actually sit and think about like “Whoa. I’m single”. I just dey live my life jeje, trying to live it to the fullest, and I ain’t sweating my relationship status. Real talk.

After a long day out and about, I go home to my solo existence and I do not feel like “dagg, it would be nice to have a dude to snuggle up to” or “there is something missing in my life”. Plus, I never feel lonely. My mom expressed her concern about this once like “sometimes I worry about you, living all alone…don’t you ever get lonely?” and I said no. Much as I can be a people person, I also enjoy my solitude. I remember growing up, when I went home for summer holidays and midterm breaks, I used to look forward to weekdays when my parents would go off to work, and my siblings would find their respective square roots…leaving me, myself and I to do whatever I wanted to, undisturbed for a couple of hours. That was bliss. Years later, this hasn’t changed. I enjoy cocooning myself in my own little world aka my apartment and doing as I please…undisturbed, so why I go feel lonely?

Everybody is always trying to project their own feelings about the single state on us single babes…like ahn, ahn. You don’t see me running up to boo’ed up/married individuals like “wow, you must hate XYZ” or “you must be tired of ABC”…so all of you that like to tell us how we must feel about being single, should chill. Like I don talk…I’m good. I’m single, I’m not lonely, and as a matter of fact…I enjoy the freedom of choice that comes with being single. I do not have to answer to or consider anybody at this point. If I want to pack my load and relocate to Germany, I’m free to do it. I come and go as I please, and I’m free to just do me. I cook when I feel like it (which can be once a month), if I want to, I can sleep in for an entire weekend, and if I feel like it, I can pack up for a weekend in Vegas with the homies, just because…all na my prerogative. As everybody tries to paint the business of being single in the most negative light, like a plague that must be avoided, nobody remembers "perks" such as the ones that I stated above.

Oh, and I’ve definitely noted how a good percentage of boo’ed up/married individuals never keep it real on the commitment tip. They want you to feel like having a significant other is the ultimate and best thing that can ever happen to you...to complete your life and validate your existence on planet Earth, while they conveniently hide the fine print. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that to be single is the ultimate while it sucks to be committed but I just feel like folks are so pressed to put down the single status, and try to make us single folks feel like there is something wrong, and nobody really yarns the real koko about what goes down on the other side. They conveniently forget to tell us that relationships and commitment require work, and that it’s not always a rainbow colored bed of roses. Even the people that are miserable in their relationships want to come and feel funky on top matter. Like we will say on ndi Twitter, biko shift.

As a single 28 year old, and in more real talk, my biggest concern about the possibility of not getting married before 30 is that the later in life that I get married, the less time off I can take before having children. Ideally, I would love a 1+ year break while I swing off chandeliers with my hubby....shey you get my ring tone na!

Other than that, I do not feel the time crunch of “I gats get married before 30”. I’ve always wondered why 30 is that magic age…

Like someone on Twitter brilliantly put it, and I paraphrase… “Even if you get married at 35 and you and your husband live for 50 years, that’s a long time to be married”. And to that, I say word! We pray to God for his mercies and long life and prosperity in our marriages, so if he grants me and the hubby 50 years, that’s a long time for real. So why shall I rush? Like I always say, this marriage ehn…some people will marry and say to themselves… “So this is the marriage that I was hustling to enter”.

So, till the significant other/marriage comes, I am maximizing and making the most of my single life. Me, wey like sleep...when husband + pikins come, I won’t have that luxury o. Or the current luxury of not bothering to cook and ordering take out 4 days a week. Ahn ahn…omo I can’t take these things for granted. I’m sure some of these married women that are bouncing bomboy on their lap even look at us single ones with a tinge of envy for the total freedom that we have. Like they say, the grass is always greener on the other side. So yeah, I'm single...and so what? I'm alive, I'm kicking, I'm living a relatively good life, and I sure am staying warm...shoutouts to BGE ;)

Peaze and Love.

Tales of a Thriftaholic

After Steve Jobs died, I watched a speech that he gave at Stanford University’s 2005 graduation ceremony. It was a beautiful speech and one of the things that he discussed was finding your passion. Passion, passion, passion. That’s all I keep hearing these days and for the most part, it has frustrated me because I do not think that mine is clear cut. I mean, there are things that I enjoy doing, but nothing really keeps me up at night.

So, I was telling my friend how everyone always speaks on passion, and I wonder if I will ever find mine. She was “Err…you are into fashion and thrifting”. Fashion? Not really. Contrary to popular belief, I really don’t be checking for fashion like that. When I think of fashion, I don’t think of Fashion Week and all its cousins, the latest trends, what is in this season, and what will be out next season, and brand names. I’m not interested in any of the above. Now, on the other hand, I enjoy seeing good style. I peruse Tumblr for constant style candy, I read street style blogs whenever I get a chance (love, love street style…it’s as real time as it gets), and I selectively check some fashion blogger’s websites because I like their style. So yeah, I like style. But, when it comes to thrifting…yes Lawddd! As soon as my friend put this in perspective, I said ah, thrifting is indeed something that I have a serious love for…it might not keep me up at night, but it is something that I really enjoy doing and I figured, why not dedicate a post to it?

See, I have never turned my nose up at the “bend down select”, second hand wearing lifestyle…even going back to my days in PH, when babes would sneak into Oil Mill market on Wednesday mornings to charter the latest baffs straight from Cotonou (or so the traders claimed). I would drop N500 for a cute top and be feeling as funky as the next girl who got her own top from boutiques like Collectibles where tops were priced at N2000 +. A girl has never been ashamed of her game. It has never been about where I bought it from, but more about how I could put an outfit together. Coming over to Yanks, I fell off that life because I had not discovered thrift stores and didn’t know about the endless possibilities, so I resorted to the same ol’ same ol’ mall shopping runs. Then, I moved off to a college town and discovered a consignment store named Plato’s Closet (google it, they probably have one in your city). For those of you, who aren’t familiar with Plato’s, it is pretty much a buy-and-sell store where you buy clothes that someone else got tired of wearing and sold to the store, or you can sell your own clothes that you are tired of wearing…after all, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Plato’s pretty much turned my College style game around. I went from dry baffs to straight up killin’ em :-D. I would walk into our college African Student Association meetings and folks would be like “damn, Mgbeke you no gree for us o”. I mean, the store was hooking me up with brands like Steve Madden, Nine West, H&M, Urban Outfitters, Bebe etc etc for $10 or less. I still have pieces that I copped from Platos dominating my closet today, including a pair of Leopard print pumps that I got for $10 that are currently a form of every day Jesus these days…

Unfortunately, after graduation, I moved away from my College town and missed the hell out of Plato’s. But, one day while running errands, I discovered a lonely looking Salvation Army store in my hood, and so I ventured in there and walked out with a sequin bandeau, a red mini skirt, and a black knee length leather skirt – all for less than $10. And that’s pretty much how I started thrifting. Shortly after that, my friends introduced me to the wonders of Value Village* thrift store and it was officially a wrap.

*If you’re into the thrifting lifestyle, Value Village always has way more cute finds than your typical Salvation Army/Goodwill (as I’ve noticed in the MD area). I think that all the stylish people donate to VV :-D.

Since then, thrifting has been a way of life…almost an addiction even (okay, who am I kidding? It’s addicting and I am an addict). Value Village has 25% off Thursdays, and back in the day, I was at VV like almost every single Thursday. You buy a huge bag full of clothes for less than $30? Hellooo, sign me up! Now, I’ve seriously calmed the heck down…but I still feel that rush of excitement every time I’m about to walk into a Thrift store…like “what am I going to find today?”, and trust me, I have found plenty. Gorgeous jumpsuits, dresses, tops, pants, skirts, coats and accessories that ranged from $2 to $20 max (with $20 being the priciest items). Absolutely winning on all levels. I do everything from high end thrifting (read: Organized consignment stores like Buffalo Exchange and Mustard Seed) to low end (taking it to Salvation Army, Goodwill, and Value Village)…all na thrifting.

I’m such a thriftaholic that I google thrift stores in every city that I visit, and swing by to see what I can find in that city. On that note, I still maintain that so far in my experience, California has the best thrift and vintage finds. Unparalleled.

All in all, thrifting has been good to me. I think that at this point, my closet is primarily composed of (a) Thrift store finds (b) Urban Outfitters attire (my 2nd great love...but let's not deviate from this topic). I get more bang for my buck...$20 can get me 4-5 items on a good day. I'm out there wearing $5 dresses, $3 tops and carrying $4 bags and feeling like a G6 while I'm at it. Plus, when you thrift you are primarily guaranteed to have one unique item that no one else will have...note that primarily is the key word. I will say though, that I do not buy into the whole idea of tagging everything that you thrift as "vintage". I've seen Forever21 attire at thrift stores, and last time I checked, that is far from vintage...but moving on...

On a final note, thrifting is definitely not for everyone. Not everyone can get with the idea of wearing something that was previously owned, and not brand new and shiny from a store in the Mall. Plus, not everyone has the patience to dig through thrift stores…and in the game of thrifting, you have to be patient. But hey, if you need help and wanna pay me…I will gladly thrift for you :-D.

Cheers.

PS:- 48, what happened to your blog?

Texas Tales

This past weekend, I hopped on a plane to Texas (TX) for a childhood friend's wedding. As usual, I had a great time. But over the course of the weekend, I got comments like "You are always in TX o" or "Wow, girl you stay in the air" (The person who made this comment has seen me in Dallas/Houston a couple of times)...someone even joked that I'm in Houston every month. I also got comments from individuals (who have seen me at a few TX weddings), who asked me why I was at the wedding i.e. Do I know the couple? insinuating that I obviously don't have better things to do with money, and jump at the chance to fly cross country to attend weddings as someones guest...(I really don't care what they really meant, that's how I read it o...actually one foolish one straight up stated he thought I was attending as someone's guest...*blank stare*). I mean, in regards to flying cross country as a "plus-one", I've done that a few times but I saw it as hey, this is a good chance to get away and hang with my friend who I only get to see every so often. But of course, folks will probably not see it that way... I was mentally like wowzers! It's not your fault sha, na my own fault. I'm officially done with that plus-one life. But this aint really about that...

But ya know what? I have to admit that everyone who made the "I stay in TX" comments was on to something because apart from NY (which is my backyard), I think that TX is like my most visited state...and TX is nowhere near my backyard. Between weddings, a once upon a time LDR, birthdays, gateways to hang with friends, spring break in '04 (Hiii Naks) etc etc, I have visited the great state of TX entirely way too many times and after this last trip I decided that I'm officially over it. Likeee I will happily stay away from that joint for as long as I need to. I have over-exceeded that quota o jare, na why people wan carry me to do "see finish" abi? I don’t blame them sha, me sef I don see them finish. In fact, I'm so over the place, that I've officially crossed Houston off my “cities I’d love to relocate to” list. Mafakas there drive way too slow anyway... Tha bloood! Folks acting like they don't got somewhere to be. Narnsense. So yeah yeah, I woke up this morning, analyzed the koko and decided that I'm off this yo!

PS:- Vivi stop snickering in a corner, I see you!

But while we are discussing TX stuvvs, I've generally observed that the men on that end seem to be a lot more forthcoming/serious minded than men on the East Coast. It seems that dudes out there aren't shy about approaching women, compared to the East Coast where dudes sef will be forming for babes, and babes are the ones hustling. Re: Serious minded guys. Omo, there were plenty young married/engaged/long term boo'ed up dudes in the vicinity. I'm talking under 30. You don't see a lot of that around these parts. So ladies, if you're wondering where the serious minded (eligible?) men might be then TX could be the spot. Houston has a lot of young, successful bros in the oil and gas industry and they don't have state income tax taken out of their paychecks, their housing is relatively cheap, and cost of living is low = more money for him to carry and buy you Gucci leathers and "Loubatans". I might be done with the area, but I'm all for helping my sisters out and pointing them in the right direction. Heeeheee :-D

Just a quick update since I’ve once again made a resolution to blog more often… *crosses fingers*.

Have a great week, y’all.

PS:- As always, I truly appreciated the comments on my previous post :-).

Confidence Tales Part 2 - My Journey

I am a 28 year old girl-woman who is very confident in who I am and what I represent. This hasn't always been the case though. My teenage years were filled with plenty insecurities...I spent most of those years growing up with a childhood bestie who was the “hot girl” and although I loved her and still love her to death, I always felt like everyone was always comparing my then simple tom-boyishness to her ever glamorous self. She is the first born and only girl in a house full of boys and so her mom constantly laced her with all the latest baffs and she always had her hair done right. In addition to that, she was and still is a very pretty girl/hot babe and constantly had lots of dudes on her case. In comparison to her, I am the last born in my family who grew up with 2 older sisters and so majority of my baffs were their hand-me-downs (sidenote: I still insist that this is one reason why I love shopping. Maybe I still haven’t gotten over having my own stuff…or maybe I’m just a girl who loves to shop :-D). My hair wasn't constantly done, and I considered myself to be cute but in no way on my bestie’s level of a hot babe. And, from the way the guys flocked to her and treated me as their homegirl, it was obvious. I was treated like one of the boys, and most of the times if dudes stepped to me, it was because they wanted to find out about my bestie. Everybody wanted to get to know bestie and take her out, and for the most part, I found myself playing some kind of 3rd wheel. I remember one instance where her then boyfriend wanted to take her out on some kind of group date with his other coupled up friends and specifically asked her not to bring me along...

So in general, growing up with the hot bestie plus other random things made my teenage years (albeit very fun) also a pretty awkward and insecure time that I spent trying to fit in.

When I started University in Nigeria, my confidence picked up considerably. My dear bestie had gone off to start Uni in “Obodo Oyibo” and so I was out of her shadow and learning to do my own thing. I was a "hot" jambite and was having too much fun. But then, I got uprooted from all the good ol’ fun that I was having to relocate to Yankee, where learning to adjust to life here made my confidence take a major nose dive. I also lived with an Aunt who stifled the heck out of me and wouldn't even let me do things as basic as going to the movies. I did meet a dude but he quickly ended our short-lived relationship because he couldn't deal with not being able to constantly see and talk to me (my aunt's lockdown was epic)…then swiftly moved on to date another chick within 1 month (major confidence killer).

Over the course of the years, I got into a thing here and there with the male species but they would act out (in typical male fashion) and I would blame myself like “If I was hotter”, or “If I was more interesting”, or “If I looked like XYZ”…phew! Thinking about it now, I can only thank God that I’ve been delivered from that mentality. Looking back, I also realize that the common trend with me + men in those days was that I was constantly seeking validation. I was also very clingy and needy and these all boiled down to my insecurities. Once again, I thank the Lord for deliverance.

Around those trying times, my childhood bestie visited me in Yanks and I was still comparing myself to her like “Omg, she’s so fab and I’m so not fab”. This was someone that I had not seen in years and I couldn’t even be myself. She commented and said “wow, you’ve changed…you’re now so quiet”. And I was thinking “No, I’m not quiet, I’m just trying not to feel inadequate compared to you”.

Speaking of comparisons. All I can say is that comparison toh badt! I was very guilty of the comparing thingy, and I compared myself to everybody! I felt like all my friends were way more interesting or had more going on for them than I did. It was either that they were academically smart and made all kinds of honor roll, Deans list and what have you or they could dance, or they could sew cloth, or they could make jewelry, or they were known for having a cool sense of humor/being witty…ha niile. It was always something! I felt very plain, uninteresting and basic compared to them.

One more thing that took a toll on my self confidence was the fact that I graduated college a few months shy of turning 24. Most of my ‘mates’ graduated at like 22 so I definitely felt like I was behind schedule. It didn’t help that folks was always like “when are you going to graduate” like I was an old mama in college. When I’d go out to events, I used to dread the “So what do you do?” question ‘cos I’d have to explain that I was still in college as opposed to a professional like the rest of my mates.

Of course, there were other factors that subtracted from my self confidence and general sense of self-worth, but I won’t bore you all...

Honestly, I don’t know and can’t pin-point the turning point where I slowly began to snap out of each and every one of my complexes and stopped giving people and situations the power to determine how I felt about myself…but somehow, I grew out of that mentality. I quit being needy/clingy/and the need for validation from dudes and when they acted out, I stopped blaming myself and instead recognized that “he’s a jerk” anyway and me looking like the most beautiful girl in Nigeria or being XYZ won’t change that. I stopped looking at my friends and thinking that they had more going for them than me. How could I ever have felt “basic and uninteresting”…I must have been on drugs. I stopped feeling inadequate in all aspects and started to embrace the fact that we are all different beings. Like for instance, I can’t even compare myself to childhood bestie anymore because now I know that I will never be a fabulous type of chick but I’m more of “versatile” with my style and I dress as the spirit leads me. Sotay till today, some of my friends (including childhood bestie) say “Mgbeks, I love how you put these outfits together” or “you just be doing your own thing and you make it work”. I found what works for me/what I feel the most comfortable in, and I use it to stunt on heaux.

I also realized that part of being confident is realizing your flaws, accepting them and not feeling inadequate because of them. I also realized that you do not have to be perfect or live a perfect life to be confident. I’m still not a hot babe, I’m not endowed, I don’t consider myself to be the worldwide definition of sexy and I will be the first to tell you that I do not have game i.e. I’m not the kind of girl who dudes love to approach in social settings but when all my friends are getting numbers at parties and I'm dulling in a corner, I do not feel any type of way…I still catwalk up in that piece and do my own thing. You can’t tell me nothing. As stated in my first post, I don't have an extra-special type of job, drive an extra special type of car, or have any extra-special credentials. And in general, I’m not an extra special type of individual...infact as the years pass, my level of chill + laidback increases but I don’t feel inadequate compared to my friends who are more “interesting” or have more going for them be it career, smarts, talent or personality-wise. You get my drift?

So to summarize this extra long tori, I’m far from perfect and in the eyes of some, might not have a lot to be confident about but despite that, my self-confidence is pretty high and I’ll be the first to tell you that. I took me a while to get to this level and so I will gladly stand on any rooftop and broadcast to the world. Aint no shame in my "tooting the horn" game.

The end.