Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Random Yarns on Travel

I recently went on a vacation to Capetown, South Africa, and on my way to the airport to catch my flight, I ran into a 50-something year old lady on my shuttle who was so excited to be traveling. She said that she hadn't left the U.S. since she was about 18 years old. She was heading to India to get certified as a yoga instructor...or something along those lines.  That conversation had me thinking about how people like me who have gotten some chances to travel, tend to take it for granted that everybody else hops on a plane and travels. I remember being so shocked when someone at my old job told me that the only time she had left the state of Maryland was on a trip to New York for a friend's party. And even more recently, someone else told me that she hadn't been out of the U.S. except for when she traveled to Jamaica for her honeymoon. I found that to be so interesting.

I'm no world traveler but between 2008 and present, I've managed to check the following new cities/countries/places off my list:

1. Costa Rica
2. Kuwait
3. Aberdeen, Scotland
4. Cancun, Mexico
5. Dubai, U.A.E
6. Toronto, Canada
7. Barbados
8. Capetown, South Africa
9. San Jan, Puerto Rico

To the travel gods and the main G-O-D, thanks for making these trips happen.

I would love to do more/go more places but iraintalwaysheezy. There are a lot of factors that hinder the wanderlust spirit within...such as other financial commitments (pepper never rest to be flying up and dan yanno), vacation time available from ze place of employment, and as I recently discovered since switching to the world of Consulting, how your client utilization hours are affected by too much time off and how this subsequently affects the profit your managers can make on your head. This trip to SA alone had my manager slyly hinting to me on some "you can always work evenings and weekends to make up your hours" (as if I had a choice) so yours truly was indeed working 10 hour days plus some weekends to boot. Chai, I sometimes miss the stability of 40 hour work weeks at the Government.

I think that one other factor that affects grand travel plans is if going to Nigeria for Christmas enters the equation. My mom has some huge delusions that I should be visiting home every Christmas, to which I silently yimu. Nigeria is an expensive waka, and definitely not the relaxing, scenic vacation that man pikin needs sometimes. To you guys who go to Naija every December, then throw in 2 other exotic locations per year, I definitely salute.

In other travel yarns, during my layover at Heathrow on this Capetown journey, some lady lost her handbag and literally fainted from a panic attack. She was so distressed. Poor thing! I really hope she found it and everything turned out okay for her. On behalf of my fellow absent minded, forgetful people, I definitely empathized with her. I've had my crazy forgetful travel moments too...

...like the time I was to catch a flight from JFK to Aberdeen, drove all the way to my friend's house in Jersey, and while trying to check in online, realized that yours truly had forgotten her passport in MD. So guess who woke up bright and early the next day to make a 6 hour round trip just to grab the damn passport?

...or the other time my friend gave me a ride to an airport an hour away and I realized that I forgot my hand luggage at home. WHO FORGETS THIER HAND LUGGAGE? *raises hands*. What had happened wasssssssss...uh huh! I can just hear my mother scolding in the background "You are so so so absent minded" as she usually does. What can I say mama? I'm working on it! We can't be great at everything yanno! The good thing about those experiences is that I now triple check that I have my passport and hand luggage. In fact I actually write a "to pack" list before I travel and this really helps to keep me in check.

Last but not least, in these travel related yarns...I have a travel "bucket" list which is as follows:

- Randomly get upgraded to business class on an international flight. It's happened to my mom and 2 other people I know. Like heyy, can the people who man the check-in desk just see me and shine their light of favor upon me?? I'm still hoping...until then, na economy class wey we dey tanda for.

- Visit at least 35 of the 50 U.S. States, last time I counted I was at 20.

- Knock off the following more cities/places/countries off my list: Rio De Janeiros, Brazil; Greece (hey Santorini!!); Tokyo/Hong Kong/Somewhere around the continent of Asia; South of France; Hawaii. There's more but these are on the top of my list.

- Fill up my passport with stamps before it expires in 2019. And then replace it of kerse.

- The obligatory Eurotrip.

Dassit in a nutshell. I hope to check each and every single one of these sooner than later. But until then, it's back to the grind and back to trucking along until the next vacation opportunity arises. C'est la vie.

Peace and Love.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Rich or Poor, Swag or No Swag, a Jerk will Still be a Jerk

First of all, can I just say a very belated happy new year to you all? My happy New Year wishes on this blog are always quite belated…but you know my mentality of “better late than never” which definitely rings very true this month. January never even finish and I’ve heard of more than enough deaths and seen more RIPs that I’ve cared to see. We thank God for his mercies in keeping us thus far and I pray that we won’t have cause to mourn any of our loved ones this year, AMIN.
Now onto the gist of the day…

Recently I was having a conversation with 2 male coworkers about men and their levels of income, and what I was willing to accept based on such levels. They asked if I could date a man who I made more money than, and I said yes.  They then followed up with “would you date a man who made X dollars less than you?” And my response was No.
Nna ehn, you go fear vex. They started preaching to me about how superficial we women can be and blah blah and ended the tension-filled rant with “A lot of you women miss out on a good man who can treat you right because you are so focused on money and finances”.
Ultimately their rants fell on deaf ears for 2 reasons:
1.  I am far from materialistic.
2.  A woman is still allowed to have preferences yanno.
3.  I’m so over people tensioning said women about their preferences and then pulling out the  "a man who makes less money/doesn’t have swag/isn’t fine/[and all the other “disadvantages” that he may have] will treat you right so stop aiming high"

It’s like the formula for a good man these days is one who falls below a woman’s standards and expectations because “OMG, Swagger boys are trouble (which I admit most of them are but still…), Accomplished men are entitled azzholes, and a simple guy will treat you like a queen”. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is where I have to call BS on such tales by moonlight. What are we basing such cool tales on?
It has not gotten to the point where it is a sin for a woman with an MBA to say that she wants a man who also has an MBA because "gosh, relax your standards...besides men with MBA are jerks. Go for the LPN or CNA instead, he will love you well well", "or go for the man with an Associates degree, he will treat you better". Such yeye talk.

After talking to my family friend about a recent relationship that didn’t end too well for her, and how she heavily relaxed her standards for the guy who turned out to not even be worth the hassle at all, I said that I’ll be darned if going forward, I open my mouth and advise any woman to compromise on what she wants from a man. I might not find it to be reasonable but you know what, your life is yours to live and my 2 cents doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme. If any woman gets up today and says that she won’t marry until she can snag a Dangote, I won’t vex because what she chop no dey make my bele run. There is no guarantee that she will find happiness with broke Mufasat from the street so who am I to advise her to give up her dreams of snagging a Dangote type? In the end, even if she never finds what she wants and chooses to stay single because of that, that’s her own concern and nobody else’s. Folks might be sniggering behind such a woman’s back on some “that’s why she’s still single” but hey, she’s single and probably happier than settling for a man who didn’t meet up to her expectations and constantly having to compare him to other people’s richer husbands. Her choices are her choices.

Men can be the most superficial individuals but nobody tells them “Give up your dreams of catching a Beyonce, because a Beyonce will not treat you right but a Whoopi will”. Nope, never heard that before. So why do we preach to women to relax their standards on some phantom theory that the man that they relaxed their standards for will be the knight in shining armor? Idongerrit.
Sha sha like I said, I sure as heck won’t be the one to tell a woman that she can’t want what she wants. #Yesshecan2015!
 What’s that saying? Aim for the stars and you will get the moon or something like that…
 It’s not ontop singlehood that babes will just fall for any and everything on top of “he will treat you like a queen”. Cool stories that chill the bones.

Come to think of it, all the extra superficial, high-azzed requirements babes that I know actually ended up with their exact spec so who said that its not good to want the better things in life. And hey, even if their husbands might be jerks, like I’ve said and will say…isn’t it better to cry in a Maserati than cry inside Molue cos the way I see it is this…rich or poor, a jerk is still going to be a jerk so don’t be there heavily relaxing your standards for any bruv that aint cutting it for you.

*Steps off Soapbox*

Now before I peace out, I just want to quickly shamelessly plug my girl Taynement’s website over at www.taynement.com. It’s definitely my go-to for new shows to watch e.g. Jane the Virgin, The Affair, and it's gingered me to get back on old abandoned shows like Masters of Sex.
 She also features great episode recaps (Scandal, anyone??), movie reviews, and everything relevant that you need to know about pop culture. And since its award season, www.taynement.com is definitely the place to camp out since she usually posts predictions that are pretty darn accurate, as well as great red carpet features and commentary (Check her out on Twitter too: @taynementdotcom). So head on over, get your entertainment fix and thank me later!
Peace and Love brethren.

Friday, October 31, 2014

Is What He Sees Really What He's Gonna Get?

I have a friend who was practically harassed by an ex-boyfriend to confess her “number". She said that the harassment started when she started pulling some tricks inna di bedroom and the guy would be interviewing her and asking JAMB questions such as “where did you learn how to do that?” and eventually his judgmental attitude towards her bedmatics led to the end of their relationship. So as a once bitten, twice shy babe, she has sworn that in her next relationship, she is going to roll up to that bedroom forming the ultimate innocent “holy nweje” like she doesn’t know NADA.

I could definitely see where she was coming from on that p, as I’ve had/been privy to a couple of discussions where men casted pure judgment on women based on their behavior/personalities. Let me give some examples:

1. A male friend once told me that one of his friends passed up on marrying an otherwise great girlfriend because he was uncomfortable with the advanced levels and skills that she had in administering “bolaji” aka blowjob. This is a very true story.

2. I was having a convo with a friend about women going to strip clubs and how men view this. Ordinarily, I didn’t think that it should be an issue but like my friend pointed out, it could be one of those things were you go with your homeboys and they don’t care ‘cos they aren’t trying to make you the one. But let wife material enter the equation, and you will see how the story will drastically change. In fact as someone else so wisely pointed out, you might think that it’s nothing going to a strip club with your male friends, till one of their eligible bachelor friends who might have been winking at you visits from out of town and dem boyz casually mention that they went to the skrip club with you, and you will see how quickly that wink will disappear.
3. Even the most basic things like being the turn-up chick who knows how to knock back shots of patron/hennessy/ogogoro and is the life of the party is all well and good until men start looking for wife, and those same lively traits will collect a big red X as such tinz won’t a good wife, make.

Like I said… men are a very interesting set of individuals. You would think that it would be nothing but simple science for a man to be attracted to a woman who for the most part mirrors his interests and activities i.e. If he likes to enjoy the occasional night at the strip club, he would gravitate towards a woman who enjoys the same thing. But apparently not, as we can see that when it comes to some men and their mentality, what is good for the goose is not good for the gander and they will judge a woman who shares such proclivities.
Isn’t it pure hilarity when you meet some confirmed turn-up masters who spend practically every weekend in the club but will open their mouths to say that you can’t find wifey material in the club. So it’s husband material that is chilling there abi?
And I think that the most baffling statements are from those men who frown on certain sexual activities and claim that they would never engage in such with their wife and the mother of their kids as it would be demeaning to her. To which I always ask that if you aint gonna do that with your wife, then who exactly will you do it with kwanu? The convenient side chick abi? I'm getting you brothers.
The interesting thing about some of these men who pass up on a “lively” or even “worldy” woman for the demure wifey type is that down the line they start to complain. I know of 2 men that fall into this category. Totally by-passed women that would have gelled with their outgoing, turn-up nature and went for the quiet, wifey type (in their words). Now years down the line, these same men are complaining that their wives are boring, anti-social, not interesting and blahblah. I’m like abegi, save those #firstworldproblems for people who care. As you make your bed, so shall you lie in it so biko carry your sob story to the gods.
The way I really see it is that in this man’s world that we live in, there is absolutely no winning for us women. I’ve always been a firm believer in “be yourself” and “what he sees is what he should get” but please don’t take my advice sha as I can’t say that being myself has greatly helped me in the relationship department. I feel like the real winners out there are women who know how to (temporarily??) modify and conform to what they think that men want to see.
If he says that he doesn't like a turn-up babe, please don't listen to my opinionated (and quite single self) as I insist that you continue to go out and have fun, and please hang up your mini skirt + retire the Ruby woo (for now...*snicker*).
If he says he wants a quiet girl who won't stress his paroles while he camps out at the club every weekend, just get with the game and form "stressfree" and "go with the flow"...again, for now.
Infact, e get this girl wey I dey silently hail as someone who has the formula downpat. Her fiancĂ©e is the type who likes to go up and down turning up in everybody’s club, as in every weekend he dey mark register…and he loves the fact that she never stresses him or bugs him about how he doesn’t take her anywhere. But as I dey look the girl, I see a sharp babe that will give him some 180 degree character turn-about after marriage. When bobo gets up like “I’m going out with the boys”,she will flex muscle and say “Oh yeah? I’m coming along too”. And then he’ll be like “where is the woman I married?”…she probably was right there all along bruv.

A leopard can’t hide its spots forever so ultimately a woman’s true self will come out but shoutouts to women who have mastered the strategy of “I’m going to form A and then reveal B after I have guaranteed my spot in this situation”. I can’t even be upset at your deception because I do think that some men bring it upon themselves. I mean, in 2014 when some men will overlook a woman’s great traits such as her great personality, good looks, excellent credit, caring nature etc etc and dismiss all of that based on “She parties too much so I aint gonna wife that” or "she's way too advanced with her skills inna di bedroom", e reach to be coding some aspects of your personality until further notice. All is fair in this game of trying to get chose.
And that is all she said.
Peazeeeeee.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

How Much Investigative Journalism Do You Do?

These days the concept of "investigative journalism" has gone beyond making verbal inquiries about potential candidates in your dating pool to taking matters right into your very hands and doing the research yourself.  One of my good friends is a certified pro at investigative journalism. She meets a guy and goes to research him on social media, google, and even her State’s Judiciary website to see whether he has any outstanding cases open or closed that she should be aware of (i.e. previous marriages, credit card liens etc). She pretty much doesn’t like to surprise herself and in this day and age where men be pulling James Bond stunts from out of the blue, I aint mad at her tactics at all.
And then I have another good friend is also great at investigative journalism. She knows how to read between the lines on social media. She is probably the reason why some people padlock their Twitter accounts because home girl be on her job with tracking conversations, who liked what and who followed who, who subbed who and who deleted their accounts...I mean, the girl is a pro at putting two and two together. Like I said, I no dey vex at such tactics.
As for me, I do believe in the idea of investigative journalism. I admit to googling men…shoot I occasionally google myself so why should any man be exempt? I will pretty much try to gather as much information out there that I can…after all its all public records innit?

And then beyond researching and trying to gather information about a man who is yet to make the cut, there is also the type of journalism which involves staying in the loop and staying informed about men who have already made the cut i.e your boyfriends or husbands. So now we gotta discuss the other angle to investigative journalism which involves checking phones, emails, etc. This is a topic that has come up a million times for discussion on social media and my stance remains the same – I will check a man’s phone every now and then. Knowledge is power! 

 During a recent cycle of the wash, rinse and repeat Twitter discussion on checking a man’s phone, someone I follow stated that she used to do a weekly sweep of all her man’s devices in her relationship, and I got a very good chuckle out of that. On my part, my approach is this…I won’t always go out of my way to snoop look through a man's phone and similiar devices but if a bruv leaves his phone in my line of vision, I’m definitely going to go through it every now and then and satisfy my curiosities. If I sit down and see an email inbox open, I will take a quick glance through it. There is no shame in my game.

In fact, as some of you may remember, I once blogged about an ex whose email I happened to stumble across (and in this case, I didn’t set out to check, I logged on and he was still signed in), and thanks to my quick sweep of the inbox, I discovered some very incriminating deets including an email professing serious love for a female that he had known for an century and some...as in some "I have always loved you and I will never stop loving you". Hian! based on those findings, I quickly exited the budding relationship and you know, down the line, the bruv actually apologized to me and confessed that he had been fooling himself all along thinking that he had moved on from that girl. He eventually moved across oceans to be with the girl and today they are married. See how investigative journalism saved my heart and my ego? I would have been there playing second fiddle to another woman if I hadn’t stumbled across all of that. Needless to say, I have been a firm believer in seizing opportunities to investigate a bruv ever since then because if you ask me, that was a God-sent opportunity and my Lord did save me from a life of playing second best to another woman.

On the flip, I know some women who are definitely not about the investigative journalism life and I can understand their stance too. The thing fit give pesin HBP when your eye come nack the thing wey you never see before, but I personally would rather be aware and informed than to live in blissful ignorance. And even if a bruv has nothing to hide and the search comes out clean, at least I know that I saw and confirmed that with my korokoro eyes.

And, as usual...that is all she said.

Happy Independence Day Nigeria!

Have a great rest of your week y'all.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Memo to Single Girls: Go on That Date

I recently befriended this really cool Naija babe at work, and as a fine babe like her is concerned, there’s a good looking African American young man who works in the client’s IT department that is interested in her. He has asked her out more than once and she declined his offers. But since he’s a persistent guy, he recently popped up again with his interest and even asked the Administrative Assistant on the project to please put a good word in for him. I think that he gets an A for effort.
So one day I observed the guy well, and noted that he truly no bad at all and so I asked my friend why she was not feeling the guy’s ring tone. The first thing she said was “Abeg he’s cute and all, but I’m looking for a Naija man jare”. My response to her was that it shouldn’t be a do or die affair, and at least one lunch date wouldn’t kill her. In my opinion, it’s something different to do + nothing beats a free lunch, but that’s just me.

I find that a lot of us Naija babes (especially in the abroad) tend to restrict our dating lives because we have this long term vision of the single family home with the well-manicured lawn filled with 3 beautiful children that we created with our NIGERIAN husbands. One Jermaine with all the right credentials approaches us and it’s an automatic “Nahhh” because he’s not Nigerian and so based on that you also decline the invitation to go out somewhere for dinner/drinks/coffee. I’m not here to preach to anyone about expanding their dating territory, but what’s wrong with going on one date at the very least? Like I said, it’s something to do, it’s a free lunch/dinner, and it beats sitting home doing nothing while waiting for the Naija husband to ride up in his BMW and swoop you off your feet. Plus, you just never know…maybe that one date with Jermaine could lead to an unexpected sonthing. But look, even if it doesn’t…at least you went on the date.

My approach to dating is “just do it”. I might not necessarily think that anything major will come out of it, but if I find a man to be decent looking and decent seeming (important keywords as I won’t advocate for dates with every Tom, Dick, and Harry), I’ll give him at least one shot. I had this moment of randomisity in the past where the stars aligned in my favor and for a stretch of time; I was meeting a new dude practically every month. Ironically, they were Naija guys. And I was going on dates which were nice and not all the typical “dinner and movies” thing… It was a good and fun experience albeit a bit tiring (which is the downside of dating). Nothing concrete and lasting came out of those dates but I’m glad that I gave each of those guys a chance and added the different experiences to my book of experiences. When the stars stopped aligning and I went back to the life of being a dry babe, I was quite happy to revert to my standard Friday night dates of Jollof rice + IrokoTV/Netflix. Dating can indeed be tiring but it was a good experience and I’m glad I didn’t just sit at home and spend every Friday night indoors holding out for Mr. Right and missing out on some good outings and the chance to get dressed and look pretty.

Ultimately I’m aware that there needs to be a balance between having a full calendar filled with dates for every single Friday vs. sitting in and watching Redbox movies on DVD while waiting for Mr. Right to appear but the way I see it is – these are our single years and the time to “get out there and live it up” (in the words of my married friend* -To which I always tell her that its easier said than done, but I do get her drift sha). I think that a lot of us tend to not “live it up” as much especially as we get older and think that “ahhh, what am I doing going on meaningless dates when I should be focusing on the long term view of the walk down the aisle”. To which I would advise anybody thinking such to please get their date on if bobos are asking. The same way that most of us wouldn’t refuse to work until we land our dream jobs is the same way that we should accept more dates if they are offered to us, while keeping an eye out for the Tunde to arrive. Afterall, what does it profit a woman to be jonzing in dryness when you can be out there chopping steak on another man's dime and getting your socializing on in the process. Abeg abeg, me I like a free lunch and a good time sha...hehehehe. But jokes aside, ya digs my drift?

That’s all I’m saying really. The tori no be long.

*PS:- I asked said married friend what she would have done differently as a single gal and she said that she would have done more, lived more, and gone on more dates. According to her, you get married and realize that in the end, all the stuff you cared about or fretted about as a single girl doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme. She also wisely pointed out that you have years and years to be married (if God grants both of you long life), and not enough years to enjoy and live it up as a single girl. So listen to my wise friend ladies and do more to live it up…at least I know that I’ll try to.

Peace and Love.

Monday, June 30, 2014

The Splitting Etiquette and other Money-Related Musings

The other day, I hung out with a couple of coworkers. We went to this spot for happy hour, during which 2 of the girls ordered steaks and a couple of the guys ordered plenty plenty drinks including 2 rounds of shots for the whole table. Me I jejely respected my small appetite for that night and ordered a side of fries and 2 drinks on the happy hour menu...which came out to about $18. So tell me why at the end of the night, when that almost $400 bill came, the girls casually threw out the "Do you guys just wanna do an even split?" and I had to give them the slow blink like...NAWL. I mean, that proposed even split was going to be like $45 a person, a whole $27 difference from my original bill. Nope. Nah. Nawl. Can I list all the things that an extra $27 in my pocket can do for me? Oooh let me count the ways:

1. Go thrifting and pick up like 6 baffs. Looking like a bag of money without spending a bag of money, Kimon!

2. A fresh to death pedi
3. Bunch of stuff I don't need from my beloved Target
4. 1.5 tubes of MAC lipsticks (since them clowns raised lipstick prices to $16 now), or like 5 NYX lipsticks...even better yet, an entire collection of Wet 'n' Wild lipsticks.

Errr....need I go on?


I could sense that the girls weren't exactly feeling my response, because there was some talk and mumbling of “I totally understand and wouldn't want folks to carry additional costs that they didn't incur but I really dislike the process of manually calculating everybody’s individual costs”. Eziokwu? Who are we forming for here kwanu? I mentally yimu’ed at alladat and continued to sip my drink. If I had wanted a steak, I would have ordered one but please please, $45 for some basic ass french fries and 2 drinks on the happy hour menu is plain ridiculousness. Meanwhile, on the other hand, one of those guys was pained at the idea of having to pay for his individual costs of the million drinks that he ordered for himself because according to him, “It should have been a split since he and one other guy bought 2 rounds of shots for the table”. I literally choked at that. Na who send am to buy shots for the table kwanu? Yimu on a hundred thousand trillion bro.  


Hey, maybe some thoughts of “see this cheapskate” or “Dang, just an extra $27…not that serious sis” crossed some minds but in the end, we paid for our individual purchases and all lived happily ever after. No lele.


So here's my stance on splitting: I’m not anti a reasonable even split if it falls into a very reasonable range but camaaan guys, I ain't finna pay almost $30 more than what I actually spent in the name of your convenience or me looking like it's no biggie, when it actually is. I just think that when presented with situations like that, there is no shame and game in speaking up. Worst case, you won’t be invited to the next planned outing at some expensive Steakhouse because folks think that you’re cheap, but in the end, your money remains in your pocket and you’ll be all the happier for that. 


Please, if you're one of those #teamsplit, abeg do it within reason or do it with people who won't blink at an additional $30 tacked ontop their bill. It's also really annoying when you #teamsplit huff and puff at people who aren't down for the split like they are cheap. Not cool, darlings. 

In other musings....
Recently, there was that big hullabaloo around Simi (Dr. Sid’s fiancĂ©) and her Vegas Bachelorette party that happened but aint really happen. Some folks on Twitter were mad, talking about “why would she plan a party in Vegas and put all that pressure on her friends to attend from Naija” and my response to that is: Why not? I believe that everybody is entitled to their dream destination location for any event that they plan to host, and I am also entitled to say no if my budget doesn’t agree with it. I am all for traveling and would try my best to attend a fabuloso destination wedding in some exotic zones but if tickets to your exotic location are out of my range, then it will have to be a no. By the time I spend like 2 grand on a ticket, how much will I now spend on food, a hotel, transportation etc etc? It will have to be an automatic decline, sorry. I think that all the drama surrounding Simi and her supposedly failed Bachelorette getaway could have been avoided if those flaky friends had simply said “Babe, Vegas sounds awesome but I won’t be able to make it because I can't afford it”. It could have been that simple, and awon "Sidney and I have excommunicated you" could have been avoided, but dah wellz. 


If more people weren't shy to decline or say no to things that are not in their budget, things would be so much simpler. If you're my people, I will do my best to show up and show out for you, and my peoples definitely gotta know that I'm no cheapskate by any means but I have my limits for everything and when things are out of my limit or just not on my radar, then it ain't happening. That's how some guy recently invited me to his upcoming cookout and asked me to bring a bottle of Ciroc or Grey Goose...I said "you mean those $50 drinks? You have serious jokes sha" and he quickly backtracked on some "Just bring whatever you can afford". As it should be! No be small Ciroc or Grey Goose like say I be P.Diddy. Na me dey host the cookout? 


Abeg no long thing for here. The moral of this entire cool tale is...Just say no. It won't kill you and it most certainly will not kill your wallet.


The end. 

Monday, March 24, 2014

In Defense of the Young'uns

I know quite a few women who have been there and done that with younger men and have sworn off them. They say that all the young’uns they encountered turned out to be jerks and so they have washed their hands off dabbling in that dating pool. My response to them has always been that a natural born jerk will always be a jerk, and in my opinion, age has nothing do with a man’s behavior.
Then there are the other women who have had no experience with younger men, but just instantly dismiss them because they are younger and God forbid, that’s a no-no. Which begs the question? – Why is the idea of dating or getting married to a younger man such a no go area to some women?
Imagine a scenario where the correct man of your dreams approaches you, and checks off most things on your list. But ring the alarm because he’s 26 and you’re 28 – Instant grounds for dismissal. And I don’t understand it, because if I ran into such a guy, I would snatch him up instantly. Young’un or not.

Let me just put it out there that I have nothing against dating a younger man. Now, this is a recent development, as the advantage of getting older is that you can afford to go younger and not seem like you are robbing the cradle. As a 30 year old, my ideal range/limit on the lower end is 27 and I can afford to do this now because I’m sure that there are quite a number of mature 27 year old men out there (if I carry torchlight to look for them). As you can see, I would have absolutely no problem dating a man who is 3 years younger than me as long as he can be the man, and is mature. Same applies to men who are older than me too…just be the man and be mature. I have a strong personality so even if you’re 40 years old, if I feel like I can walk over you then it’s a wrap. If I ran into a 27/28 year old who could hold his own, trust and believe that his age would be no hindrance to me. Age is mainly nothing but a number as long as you know how to act like a grown up. So I'm all about giving younger men a fair opportunity, and I promise you all that I’m no Lagos Cougar :-D.
I’m just the type of approach people and treat them as individuals independent of any stereotypes until they show themselves…this approach also applies to younger men. To me, they are still men and will act like a typical man every now and then but until they show their jerkish, immature ways, then they are fair game.

The good news is that these days some ladies are getting hip to the younger men and giving them a fair chance. I’ve seen about 4 marriages in my church where the age difference between the older wives and younger husbands range from 5-3 years. Still thriving, still surviving. In fact, one of them was even 29 when she married her 24 year old husband and I wasn’t even mad at that at allll. Age is just some digits my people. Just the other day, I hung out with my friend and her younger boyfriend and the girl was just shining 32 anyhow in love, cheesiness and happiness, as in she seemed so happy and I was absolutely loving it. The boy is so good to her and if she had discriminated against the guy, she would have missed out on that gem. So, I think that once we learn to let go of some stereotypes and what other people think, we can greatly learn to expand our dating pools and bring on more opportunities for ourselves. All my ladies, oya kukere!

One other thing that fueled my decision to not discriminate against the young’uns is that I realized how some men my age or slightly older stay discriminating against ladies in my age range. You see all these dudes that wait till they are 37 to settle down…and who do they go for when they decide to settle? Odds are they target women under 30. In fact, the other day I was teasing this 33 year old guy that I know who is boo’ed up to some 23 year old girl, and I said dang boy, you had to go all the way down to 23 though? The boy laughed and said “no offense ehn, but I was absolutely not checking for any woman in that 28 and up range”. And then some other guys in the group joined in on the fun talking about “I feel you bro, get them while they are still fresh”. See what I mean? The discrimination is real people, so might as well pitch your tent where people are actually checking for you.

However, I won’t end this post with a rose colored view on dating the young'uns. So I'm just going to acknowlede the challenges of dating a young’un and summarize a few pointers here:
  • I think that the main challenge of dipping in the younger end of the dating pool is opposition from family members. It's like "OMG, our son/brother/nephew/cousin CANNOT marry this woman and her shriveled up eggs". Even if you are 5 months older than a man, his family will probably be against it most especially if they are African. Not to mention being a few years older so I’ll recommend that y’alls age difference should be a secret between you two which you can feel free to reveal after y'all have tied the knot. But before then, please keep it under wraps and between yourselves. One of my family friends lost the “love of his life” because his aunties ranted and rebeled against him marrying the older woman that he really wanted to be with and the boy succumbed to family pressure. And you know what I realized? It’s always women in the family that will be blocking you and that younger man’s love. Like ahn ahn, as a fellow woman, do you not realize how real the struggle is? Smh.
  • One popular concern that I hear about dating younger men is "women age faster than men" and "down the line, I will be looking like his mother". I call bollocks on that one. I highly doubt that you’re going to wrinkle faster than him, or look like his mother in 10 years. Just stay fresh, take care of you (as you should be doing regardless of whether he’s 26 or 40) and you should be fine.
  • And ultimately, you need a young'un with a backbone. If you feel like he’s not the type of young’un that you would respect then don’t even set yourself up. You need a young’un that will stand up to you, call you out on your nonsense and tell you “I might be just 24 but I will put that azz in check” and you will promptly zip your lips and keep quiet. LOL.
So I hope that I have been able to convince and not confuse you regarding your next action when you run across a young’un in the near future. As opposed to saying “God Forbid” and picking race like your life depends on it, why not actually see what the dude is about. You never know, the man might be your future husboo that you would have dismissed because of a 2-year age difference. You just never know!
 
And that is all she said.