Wednesday, December 7, 2011

On Weight, Body Type, and Related Yarns

Curvy women
I have always admired curvy women. I think that they just exude a certain level of sexiness. It seems that most guys see a curvy woman and thinks “child bearing hips = future mother of my chilluns” or “Damn! That ass is phat” and such things of that nature. Heck, me sef I’m convinced that if I was a dude, I would definitely be the type to gravitate towards the curvy ladies. I’m talking about the figure 8 type, with some nice thick thighs, and supporting endowments on the back and front. Nothing do them jare, curvy women are definitely sexy. For instance, much as everyone swears that ToolzO wears body magic, and is truly fat…I’m like whatever she is doing works very well for her, and I think that she is one hot chick with an awesome figure. Now curvy/thick is obviously very relative because I seem to be in the minority of individuals who do not think that ToolzO is fat, but apparently a number of folks do. To that I say…to each his/her own.

The funny thing is…most of the curvy women that I know want to lose weight. My friend who has that figure 8 shape and constantly has all the dudes panting after her, thinks that slim and trim women are so hot. I’m like are you serious? Dudes look at women like you and automatically classify you as sexy, without you even trying to do anything. Hiphop artists and rappers constantly compose songs that elevate women like you. Mayne, if I had her shape, I would rock the heck out of it. As a woman on the slim/non-curvy side of life, I highly doubt that most cats see me and the first thing that springs to their heads is “Whoa, she's sexaaay” or “her body is the business”…in fact, the other day I had to ask via twitter if there are any dudes out there who gats love for us non-thick ladies ‘cos I feel like the curvy ladies are what every guy talks about these days. I mean, everywhere you turn these days, dudes are pushing out tweets such as “no country for chicks with no nyash” or “A-cup chicks will die alone”, “Thick women rule, only dogs deal with bones” etc etc…LOL. Please, if you have figure 8 + endowments biko rock am well o. It’s a cold world on this side of life… *chuckles*.

Guys and their yarns
But while we are talking about guys and their constant yarniz on the internet...forget matter sha 'cos guys just like to yarnnn. A lot of dudes use social media such as Facebook and Twitter to state that they want this or that. I mean, peep this gist of body type...I swear, I've seen enough yarns from dudes who state that if a woman isn't thick, then no hope for her. In my opinion, all na tales by moonlight. Like I once responded to a dude and his "no country for a-cups tweet", you can evict us to the next country, but in the end you guys will still come to that country and marry us a-cuppers. I have a friend who is at most a size 2, with small boobs and literally no ass…I lovingly call her a chicken wing. But I swear to y’all that this girl’s game is on a kentro level. I always tease her and say that she lives that “Sex and the city” kind of dating lifestyle. Chick pulls dudes any and everywhere…pumping gas o, grocery shopping, sitting at the bar at T.G.I.F, crossing the street, walking into work... you name it. She is constantly going out on dates in her size 2 fabulousness. So, every time I hear of a new date, I chuckle and think… so much for dudes wanting to ship women like her to the next country. I bet half of the dudes who see her and ask her out, have stated on Twitter and FB that any chick they deal with had better have the type of booty that you can sit a cup on. Moral of the story is: If you’re the sort to take what guys yarn on the interwebs to heart, re-think your strategy ‘cos in my opinion all na yarns. If a guy likes you, he likes you...size 1 self and all.

Weight…in general
I have to say sha…I do enjoy the privileges of being on the slimmer side of life. I can walk into McDonalds and supersize 2 meals, and guess what…no one will give me the side eye. My 300lb counterpart walks into McDonalds, and probably already gets the judgmental stare before he/she places an order. I like my weight, and have no complaints about it (except for the fact that hip-hop artists do not dedicate lyrics to girls like me…can someone say discrimination???). I’m not the type to balk at a few lbs gained here and there, but I realize that the more I see some people and do the mental double take like “dayumm, what happened, he/she used to be so slim?”…I truly truly do not want to be that person. In an ideal world, I will remain a size 6 forever…post-kiddies and all. I don’t know about that sha, because while I’m currently blessed with having the type of body that allows me to eat a bunch of nonsense, and not gain much weight, I’ve been told countless times that this will catch up with me in the future… *gulp*.

In general, the the weight/body type topic is an interesting one, and it’s even more interesting to see everyone’s views on it. For some, the grass looks greener on the other side and for others, they are just fine chilling on their own turf. Some people obsess about their weight, and others don’t give it much thought. Whichever category that you fall into, nothing do you o jare. If you be orobo and happy with it, kudos. If you be lepa, and proud of it, kudos. If you’re an orobo wanting to turn into a lepa, good luck…and if you’re a lepa who wan turn into orobo, good luck to you too. Oh, I won’t forget the “in-betweeners”… make una keep on keeping on too o jare. Na one love wey go keep us together…
Okay, I obviously need to sign off now ‘cos I have started to yarn jagjagbantis.

Peace and Love.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Random Musings on the Single Status

I had a funny convo the other day:

Him: How long have you been single?
Me: Since XYZ
Him: Wow, you must be lonely.
Me: Actually, not at all. I quite like my solitude as a matter of fact, and I never feel lonely.
Him: Oh, please.
Me: Seriously.
Him: As humans, we need companions…
Me: No, we might want companionship but we don’t NEED companionship. We NEED air, food and water. Those are vital to our existence. As a single girl, I’m still alive and breathing…
Him: No, we need companionship and you need companionship. Man and woman are meant to be together, you need a man. How do you manage in the winter time?
Me: *Burst out laughing*…what kind of question is that? (like seriously, the hell kinda question was that???) I pay my BGE bill and can afford to turn on my heat and stay warm in the winter. Besides, man and woman are meant to be together or whatever, but it doesn't have to be right now for me.
Him: Keep it real. You know that deep down, you feel alone and need a man in your life…
Me: You know what? I’m not even going to go back and forth with you on this because regardless of what I say, you have already formed your solid opinion on this issue soooo moving on…
Mgbeke: 1. Dude: 0

If you've been reading this blog for a while or you know me, you probably know that I can voltron for the single matter die! But omo, I don dey tire to have these conversations. Everybody is convinced that every single girl out there is incomplete and lacks something in her life, and no matter the amount of self-voltroning that you try to do…folks see it as you trying to console yourself, and not keeping it 100%.
I don’t know about the other ladies on single street, but as for me…I can tell you without any element of doubt, that in my current and very singular state, I feel very fine. It’s not even something that I actually sit and think about like “Whoa. I’m single”. I just dey live my life jeje, trying to live it to the fullest, and I ain’t sweating my relationship status. Real talk.
After a long day out and about, I go home to my solo existence and I do not feel like “dagg, it would be nice to have a dude to snuggle up to” or “there is something missing in my life”. Plus, I never feel lonely. My mom expressed her concern about this once like “sometimes I worry about you, living all alone…don’t you ever get lonely?” and I said no. Much as I can be a people person, I also enjoy my solitude. I remember growing up, when I went home for summer holidays and midterm breaks, I used to look forward to weekdays when my parents would go off to work, and my siblings would find their respective square roots…leaving me, myself and I to do whatever I wanted to, undisturbed for a couple of hours. That was bliss. Years later, this hasn’t changed. I enjoy cocooning myself in my own little world aka my apartment and doing as I please…undisturbed, so why I go feel lonely?

Everybody is always trying to project their own feelings about the single state on us single babes…like ahn, ahn. You don’t see me running up to boo’ed up/married individuals like “wow, you must hate XYZ” or “you must be tired of ABC”…so all of you that like to tell us how we must feel about being single, should chill. Like I don talk…I’m good. I’m single, I’m not lonely, and as a matter of fact…I enjoy the freedom of choice that comes with being single. I do not have to answer to or consider anybody at this point. If I want to pack my load and relocate to Germany, I’m free to do it. I come and go as I please, and I’m free to just do me. I cook when I feel like it (which can be once a month), if I want to, I can sleep in for an entire weekend, and if I feel like it, I can pack up for a weekend in Vegas with the homies, just because…all na my prerogative. As everybody tries to paint the business of being single in the most negative light, like a plague that must be avoided, nobody remembers "perks" such as the ones that I stated above.
Oh, and I’ve definitely noted how a good percentage of boo’ed up/married individuals never keep it real on the commitment tip. They want you to feel like having a significant other is the ultimate and best thing that can ever happen to complete your life and validate your existence on planet Earth, while they conveniently hide the fine print. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that to be single is the ultimate while it sucks to be committed but I just feel like folks are so pressed to put down the single status, and try to make us single folks feel like there is something wrong, and nobody really yarns the real koko about what goes down on the other side. They conveniently forget to tell us that relationships and commitment require work, and that it’s not always a rainbow colored bed of roses. Even the people that are miserable in their relationships want to come and feel funky on top matter. Like we will say on ndi Twitter, biko shift.

As a single 28 year old, and in more real talk, my biggest concern about the possibility of not getting married before 30 is that the later in life that I get married, the less time off I can take before having children. Ideally, I would love a 1+ year break while I swing off chandeliers with my hubby....shey you get my ring tone na!
Other than that, I do not feel the time crunch of “I gats get married before 30”. I’ve always wondered why 30 is that magic age…
Like someone on Twitter brilliantly put it, and I paraphrase… “Even if you get married at 35 and you and your husband live for 50 years, that’s a long time to be married”. And to that, I say word! We pray to God for his mercies and long life and prosperity in our marriages, so if he grants me and the hubby 50 years, that’s a long time for real. So why shall I rush? Like I always say, this marriage ehn…some people will marry and say to themselves… “So this is the marriage that I was hustling to enter”.

So, till the significant other/marriage comes, I am maximizing and making the most of my single life. Me, wey like sleep...when husband + pikins come, I won’t have that luxury o. Or the current luxury of not bothering to cook and ordering take out 4 days a week. Ahn ahn…omo I can’t take these things for granted. I’m sure some of these married women that are bouncing bomboy on their lap even look at us single ones with a tinge of envy for the total freedom that we have. Like they say, the grass is always greener on the other side. So yeah, I'm single...and so what? I'm alive, I'm kicking, I'm living a relatively good life, and I sure am staying warm...shoutouts to BGE ;)

Peaze and Love.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Tales of a Thriftaholic

After Steve Jobs died, I watched a speech that he gave at Stanford University’s 2005 graduation ceremony. It was a beautiful speech and one of the things that he discussed was finding your passion. Passion, passion, passion. That’s all I keep hearing these days and for the most part, it has frustrated me because I do not think that mine is clear cut. I mean, there are things that I enjoy doing, but nothing really keeps me up at night.

So, I was telling my friend how everyone always speaks on passion, and I wonder if I will ever find mine. She was “Err…you are into fashion and thrifting”. Fashion? Not really. Contrary to popular belief, I really don’t be checking for fashion like that. When I think of fashion, I don’t think of Fashion Week and all its cousins, the latest trends, what is in this season, and what will be out next season, and brand names. I’m not interested in any of the above. Now, on the other hand, I enjoy seeing good style. I peruse Tumblr for constant style candy, I read street style blogs whenever I get a chance (love, love street style…it’s as real time as it gets), and I selectively check some fashion blogger’s websites because I like their style. So yeah, I like style. But, when it comes to thrifting…yes Lawddd! As soon as my friend put this in perspective, I said ah, thrifting is indeed something that I have a serious love for…it might not keep me up at night, but it is something that I really enjoy doing and I figured, why not dedicate a post to it?

See, I have never turned my nose up at the “bend down select”, second hand wearing lifestyle…even going back to my days in PH, when babes would sneak into Oil Mill market on Wednesday mornings to charter the latest baffs straight from Cotonou (or so the traders claimed). I would drop N500 for a cute top and be feeling as funky as the next girl who got her own top from boutiques like Collectibles where tops were priced at N2000 +. A girl has never been ashamed of her game. It has never been about where I bought it from, but more about how I could put an outfit together. Coming over to Yanks, I fell off that life because I had not discovered thrift stores and didn’t know about the endless possibilities, so I resorted to the same ol’ same ol’ mall shopping runs. Then, I moved off to a college town and discovered a consignment store named Plato’s Closet (google it, they probably have one in your city). For those of you, who aren’t familiar with Plato’s, it is pretty much a buy-and-sell store where you buy clothes that someone else got tired of wearing and sold to the store, or you can sell your own clothes that you are tired of wearing…after all, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Plato’s pretty much turned my College style game around. I went from dry baffs to straight up killin’ em :-D. I would walk into our college African Student Association meetings and folks would be like “damn, Mgbeke you no gree for us o”. I mean, the store was hooking me up with brands like Steve Madden, Nine West, H&M, Urban Outfitters, Bebe etc etc for $10 or less. I still have pieces that I copped from Platos dominating my closet today, including a pair of Leopard print pumps that I got for $10 that are currently a form of every day Jesus these days…

Unfortunately, after graduation, I moved away from my College town and missed the hell out of Plato’s. But, one day while running errands, I discovered a lonely looking Salvation Army store in my hood, and so I ventured in there and walked out with a sequin bandeau, a red mini skirt, and a black knee length leather skirt – all for less than $10. And that’s pretty much how I started thrifting. Shortly after that, my friends introduced me to the wonders of Value Village* thrift store and it was officially a wrap.
*If you’re into the thrifting lifestyle, Value Village always has way more cute finds than your typical Salvation Army/Goodwill (as I’ve noticed in the MD area). I think that all the stylish people donate to VV :-D.

Since then, thrifting has been a way of life…almost an addiction even (okay, who am I kidding? It’s addicting and I am an addict). Value Village has 25% off Thursdays, and back in the day, I was at VV like almost every single Thursday. You buy a huge bag full of clothes for less than $30? Hellooo, sign me up! Now, I’ve seriously calmed the heck down…but I still feel that rush of excitement every time I’m about to walk into a Thrift store…like “what am I going to find today?”, and trust me, I have found plenty. Gorgeous jumpsuits, dresses, tops, pants, skirts, coats and accessories that ranged from $2 to $20 max (with $20 being the priciest items). Absolutely winning on all levels. I do everything from high end thrifting (read: Organized consignment stores like Buffalo Exchange and Mustard Seed) to low end (taking it to Salvation Army, Goodwill, and Value Village)…all na thrifting.
I’m such a thriftaholic that I google thrift stores in every city that I visit, and swing by to see what I can find in that city. On that note, I still maintain that so far in my experience, California has the best thrift and vintage finds. Unparalleled.

All in all, thrifting has been good to me. I think that at this point, my closet is primarily composed of (a) Thrift store finds (b) Urban Outfitters attire (my 2nd great love...but let's not deviate from this topic). I get more bang for my buck...$20 can get me 4-5 items on a good day. I'm out there wearing $5 dresses, $3 tops and carrying $4 bags and feeling like a G6 while I'm at it. Plus, when you thrift you are primarily guaranteed to have one unique item that no one else will have...note that primarily is the key word. I will say though, that I do not buy into the whole idea of tagging everything that you thrift as "vintage". I've seen Forever21 attire at thrift stores, and last time I checked, that is far from vintage...but moving on...

On a final note, thrifting is definitely not for everyone. Not everyone can get with the idea of wearing something that was previously owned, and not brand new and shiny from a store in the Mall. Plus, not everyone has the patience to dig through thrift stores…and in the game of thrifting, you have to be patient. But hey, if you need help and wanna pay me…I will gladly thrift for you :-D.


PS:- 48, what happened to your blog?

Monday, September 26, 2011

Texas Tales

This past weekend, I hopped on a plane to Texas (TX) for a childhood friend's wedding. As usual, I had a great time. But over the course of the weekend, I got comments like "You are always in TX o" or "Wow, girl you stay in the air" (The person who made this comment has seen me in Dallas/Houston a couple of times)...someone even joked that I'm in Houston every month. I also got comments from individuals (who have seen me at a few TX weddings), who asked me why I was at the wedding i.e. Do I know the couple? insinuating that I obviously don't have better things to do with money, and jump at the chance to fly cross country to attend weddings as someones guest...(I really don't care what they really meant, that's how I read it o...actually one foolish one straight up stated he thought I was attending as someone's guest...*blank stare*). I mean, in regards to flying cross country as a "plus-one", I've done that a few times but I saw it as hey, this is a good chance to get away and hang with my friend who I only get to see every so often. But of course, folks will probably not see it that way... I was mentally like wowzers! It's not your fault sha, na my own fault. I'm officially done with that plus-one life. But this aint really about that...

But ya know what? I have to admit that everyone who made the "I stay in TX" comments was on to something because apart from NY (which is my backyard), I think that TX is like my most visited state...and TX is nowhere near my backyard. Between weddings, a once upon a time LDR, birthdays, gateways to hang with friends, spring break in '04 (Hiii Naks) etc etc, I have visited the great state of TX entirely way too many times and after this last trip I decided that I'm officially over it. Likeee I will happily stay away from that joint for as long as I need to. I have over-exceeded that quota o jare, na why people wan carry me to do "see finish" abi? I don’t blame them sha, me sef I don see them finish. In fact, I'm so over the place, that I've officially crossed Houston off my “cities I’d love to relocate to” list. Mafakas there drive way too slow anyway... Tha bloood! Folks acting like they don't got somewhere to be. Narnsense. So yeah yeah, I woke up this morning, analyzed the koko and decided that I'm off this yo!
PS:- Vivi stop snickering in a corner, I see you!

But while we are discussing TX stuvvs, I've generally observed that the men on that end seem to be a lot more forthcoming/serious minded than men on the East Coast. It seems that dudes out there aren't shy about approaching women, compared to the East Coast where dudes sef will be forming for babes, and babes are the ones hustling. Re: Serious minded guys. Omo, there were plenty young married/engaged/long term boo'ed up dudes in the vicinity. I'm talking under 30. You don't see a lot of that around these parts. So ladies, if you're wondering where the serious minded (eligible?) men might be then TX could be the spot. Houston has a lot of young, successful bros in the oil and gas industry and they don't have state income tax taken out of their paychecks, their housing is relatively cheap, and cost of living is low = more money for him to carry and buy you Gucci leathers and "Loubatans". I might be done with the area, but I'm all for helping my sisters out and pointing them in the right direction. Heeeheee :-D

Just a quick update since I’ve once again made a resolution to blog more often… *crosses fingers*.

Have a great week, y’all.

PS:- As always, I truly appreciated the comments on my previous post :-).

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Confidence Tales Part 2 - My Journey

I am a 28 year old girl-woman who is very confident in who I am and what I represent. This hasn't always been the case though. My teenage years were filled with plenty insecurities...I spent most of those years growing up with a childhood bestie who was the “hot girl” and although I loved her and still love her to death, I always felt like everyone was always comparing my then simple tom-boyishness to her ever glamorous self. She is the first born and only girl in a house full of boys and so her mom constantly laced her with all the latest baffs and she always had her hair done right. In addition to that, she was and still is a very pretty girl/hot babe and constantly had lots of dudes on her case. In comparison to her, I am the last born in my family who grew up with 2 older sisters and so majority of my baffs were their hand-me-downs (sidenote: I still insist that this is one reason why I love shopping. Maybe I still haven’t gotten over having my own stuff…or maybe I’m just a girl who loves to shop :-D). My hair wasn't constantly done, and I considered myself to be cute but in no way on my bestie’s level of a hot babe. And, from the way the guys flocked to her and treated me as their homegirl, it was obvious. I was treated like one of the boys, and most of the times if dudes stepped to me, it was because they wanted to find out about my bestie. Everybody wanted to get to know bestie and take her out, and for the most part, I found myself playing some kind of 3rd wheel. I remember one instance where her then boyfriend wanted to take her out on some kind of group date with his other coupled up friends and specifically asked her not to bring me along...
So in general, growing up with the hot bestie plus other random things made my teenage years (albeit very fun) also a pretty awkward and insecure time that I spent trying to fit in.

When I started University in Nigeria, my confidence picked up considerably. My dear bestie had gone off to start Uni in “Obodo Oyibo” and so I was out of her shadow and learning to do my own thing. I was a "hot" jambite and was having too much fun. But then, I got uprooted from all the good ol’ fun that I was having to relocate to Yankee, where learning to adjust to life here made my confidence take a major nose dive. I also lived with an Aunt who stifled the heck out of me and wouldn't even let me do things as basic as going to the movies. I did meet a dude but he quickly ended our short-lived relationship because he couldn't deal with not being able to constantly see and talk to me (my aunt's lockdown was epic)…then swiftly moved on to date another chick within 1 month (major confidence killer).

Over the course of the years, I got into a thing here and there with the male species but they would act out (in typical male fashion) and I would blame myself like “If I was hotter”, or “If I was more interesting”, or “If I looked like XYZ”…phew! Thinking about it now, I can only thank God that I’ve been delivered from that mentality. Looking back, I also realize that the common trend with me + men in those days was that I was constantly seeking validation. I was also very clingy and needy and these all boiled down to my insecurities. Once again, I thank the Lord for deliverance.

Around those trying times, my childhood bestie visited me in Yanks and I was still comparing myself to her like “Omg, she’s so fab and I’m so not fab”. This was someone that I had not seen in years and I couldn’t even be myself. She commented and said “wow, you’ve changed…you’re now so quiet”. And I was thinking “No, I’m not quiet, I’m just trying not to feel inadequate compared to you”.
Speaking of comparisons. All I can say is that comparison toh badt! I was very guilty of the comparing thingy, and I compared myself to everybody! I felt like all my friends were way more interesting or had more going on for them than I did. It was either that they were academically smart and made all kinds of honor roll, Deans list and what have you or they could dance, or they could sew cloth, or they could make jewelry, or they were known for having a cool sense of humor/being witty…ha niile. It was always something! I felt very plain, uninteresting and basic compared to them.

One more thing that took a toll on my self confidence was the fact that I graduated college a few months shy of turning 24. Most of my ‘mates’ graduated at like 22 so I definitely felt like I was behind schedule. It didn’t help that folks was always like “when are you going to graduate” like I was an old mama in college. When I’d go out to events, I used to dread the “So what do you do?” question ‘cos I’d have to explain that I was still in college as opposed to a professional like the rest of my mates.

Of course, there were other factors that subtracted from my self confidence and general sense of self-worth, but I won’t bore you all...

Honestly, I don’t know and can’t pin-point the turning point where I slowly began to snap out of each and every one of my complexes and stopped giving people and situations the power to determine how I felt about myself…but somehow, I grew out of that mentality. I quit being needy/clingy/and the need for validation from dudes and when they acted out, I stopped blaming myself and instead recognized that “he’s a jerk” anyway and me looking like the most beautiful girl in Nigeria or being XYZ won’t change that. I stopped looking at my friends and thinking that they had more going for them than me. How could I ever have felt “basic and uninteresting”…I must have been on drugs. I stopped feeling inadequate in all aspects and started to embrace the fact that we are all different beings. Like for instance, I can’t even compare myself to childhood bestie anymore because now I know that I will never be a fabulous type of chick but I’m more of “versatile” with my style and I dress as the spirit leads me. Sotay till today, some of my friends (including childhood bestie) say “Mgbeks, I love how you put these outfits together” or “you just be doing your own thing and you make it work”. I found what works for me/what I feel the most comfortable in, and I use it to stunt on heaux.

I also realized that part of being confident is realizing your flaws, accepting them and not feeling inadequate because of them. I also realized that you do not have to be perfect or live a perfect life to be confident. I’m still not a hot babe, I’m not endowed, I don’t consider myself to be the worldwide definition of sexy and I will be the first to tell you that I do not have game i.e. I’m not the kind of girl who dudes love to approach in social settings but when all my friends are getting numbers at parties and I'm dulling in a corner, I do not feel any type of way…I still catwalk up in that piece and do my own thing. You can’t tell me nothing. As stated in my first post, I don't have an extra-special type of job, drive an extra special type of car, or have any extra-special credentials. And in general, I’m not an extra special type of individual...infact as the years pass, my level of chill + laidback increases but I don’t feel inadequate compared to my friends who are more “interesting” or have more going for them be it career, smarts, talent or personality-wise. You get my drift?

So to summarize this extra long tori, I’m far from perfect and in the eyes of some, might not have a lot to be confident about but despite that, my self-confidence is pretty high and I’ll be the first to tell you that. I took me a while to get to this level and so I will gladly stand on any rooftop and broadcast to the world. Aint no shame in my "tooting the horn" game.

The end.

Monday, July 11, 2011

The Confidence Tales - Part 1

I believe in these 2 phrases:
1. Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent
2. We weren't all born on the same day.

Let me address #1:
I have a friend who is a self proclaimed snob. So every time she prefaces some sentences with...'you know I'm a snob so...', I always wonder if the subjects of her snobbery noticed that they were being snubbed. If so, did they truly feel inferior?...Or how does it work, like do you snob people regardless of if they notice you snubbing them/feel inferior in the light of your snub? All resident snobs in the house, feel free to tell me how it works.
For me, unless you want to sit in your house and snub me from a far distance (to which I'd be very unaware of this, so ummm that one na your wahala), there's no way we can be in the same room and any individual will make me feel inferior. And the reason for this is that I'm very self assured and confident in who I am + I believe that everyone's path in life is different and we weren't all born on the same day (addressing #2, now) I don't look at any individual and feel that they are better than me. The person sef can be in the room with me, looking down their nose at me...I still won't notice.

I think that amongst Nigerians, it's very easy to get an inferiority complex with a quickness. By default, most of us are over achievers who strive for the best, and so when you step up in the spot with your 'less than superior' credentials, you gotta do it with your own kind of swag and back it up! You know what I'm saying?. I mean, who is a Consultant in the house? Tell me how many times, you run into Nigerians and mention that you are a Consultant, and you have folks asking if you work at 'Accenture, Deloitte, Booz Allen or McKinsey?'!
I'm sure some of you know that I'm an Auditor and no, I don't work for any of the big 4 accounting firms aka PWC, KPMG, Deloitte or E&Y (although in College, PWC was once my dream job). But I get asked that a 'what do you do?', and when I tell 'em, the next Q is 'which of the Big 4 firms do you work for?'...they don't even ask IF I work for those firms, it's an instant assumption. I'm always happy to burst their bubble...heehee.
In fact I remember back in the day, when 1 toaster asked why I didn't aim for a 'more challenging' position at these Big 4 firms...acting like he dey denge with me 9-5, and sees me at work. That was one of the reasons why he got nexted with a quickness. Condescending attitudes won't fly with this sister... So errm, as a Nigerian, I know that you gotta be confident around your people or else, some of them will try to make you feel like you ain't up to par.
I know people who are doing quite well for themselves, drive this, own property, work at X but I've never looked at them like they are better than me because of what they have achieved in life. As dem see me so, I'm not on the street begging for alms or some shit.

You might have gone to the best of the best schools, work at the #1 fortune 500 company, wear the best of the best designers, drive X luxury car and own Y house...and if that's your story...we thank God for you and your successes. But trust that with a Bachelors degree from a school that I'm sure your aunty in the village has no idea about (and no current plans for a Masters..hehe), my rented space, my non-luxury car and a resume that doesn't boast of any 'gengen' fortune 500 companies, I can still stand and cough in your presence (old slang). I am perfectly okay with who I am and feel very confident in my current life status.

Like I said, I believe that everyone's path is different and that we all want different things from life. I have no desire to own Prada, Gucci or Louboutins and so I don't sweat the females standing next to me, who are happily sporting theirs. I don't want a Masters degree and so your Wharton MBA means nothing to me (don't get me wrong, I'm not hating o). The things that I want, are different from the things that you want, so why should I compare myself to you or feel less than because you have X, Y and Z while I don't. And even if you and I want the same things, and you got yours X years before I did, I still won't feel less than. I know that my time is coming, so in the mean time I'm going to continue to enjoy me as I am and not sweat you or feel inferior.

Back to point #1, I recently had lunch with a coworker and her friend. Na so her friend come ask me what my hobbies are, and so I listed my hobbies. I guess the Ajayicious babe wasn't too impressed, 'cos she said 'err well, doesn't everybody claim that they like to do all of that?'. I saw that as an attempt at a direct snub, like she didn't feel like my interests and activities were interesting enough...condescending ass beech. So, me kwa I kuku said 'Yep, unfortunately we aren't all as unique as we like to think and those things are what I enjoy doing' and then proceeded to ask what her own hobbies were...'cycling' and 'gardening' were her very dry responses. Mchewwww! See Okoro feeling funky, I hella expected her to say 'sky diving', 'bungee jumping' and some equally 'gengen' ish. Abegi, I will be the first to tell you...if you're looking for some off the wall stuff with moi, then keep on two stepping to the next person. I'm as normal and regular as they come, and it suits me just fine.

Sooo, this is just a lirru note of encouragement to my people out there. Own everything about yourself...flaws and all, and don't let the next man look down on you because you're not up to Society's standards. Don't compare yourself to anybody...your own time is coming too. Plus I'm sure that as you are comparing yourself to your mate who is supposedly doing big things, someone out there is comparing theirself to you, wanting to get on your level. Such is life...
Wear the heck out of that Forever 21 dress with a superior're just as hot as the chick who rolled in rocking Gucci and feeling funky with it. Blaze up the spot with your Jamaican weave and let the Brazilian and Peruvian weaved up babes hate from their little corner. Go to the Harvard Business School annual conference and boldly hand out your none fortune 500 card, they need some diversity up in that piece anyway (from what I heard) :-D.
Celebrate your rented space and don't feel bad because you're X age and you don't own property. If property is what you want, save for it and it shall be yours eventually. Don't listen to your parents, sometimes they are they key perps of trying to make you feel insecure with the whole 'Aunty Uchenna's son Ikenna is doing X, Y and Z'...and trying to make you feel like you're a loser because you're just starting out with X. And ultimately, remember that you're just as good as the next person. That attitude will get you far :-).

The end.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The hot man theory and other randoms about menfolk

Much as I love to hate on fine men, I must confess that I sure as heck love to ogle them. Case in point, the other day, I was standing at the train station and minding my business when one fine ass man happened to stroll past me. If you see the way my neck turned at lightning speed? I definitely craned it well and proceeded to admire and drool over the man until he had faded out of sight. Hey! Who no like better thing? But as I gave it some more thought, I realized that while I like to stare at the fineness that is a well chiseled and wonderfully created man, in my heart of hearts (as we'd say back in the day)…I feel that such men who I consider to be on that 9-10/10 category of fineness are simply not on my level. As in, levels dey…and their levels are way above mine. I mean, let’s call a spade a spade here... I by no means consider myself to fall under the categories of ‘hot’, ‘sexy’, ‘gorgeous’, ‘stunning’ and whachumacallit. I’m not endowed with big boobs (if y’all remember, I rep the itty bitty titty committee), and I don't have an exceptional looking butt either. I think that I’m definitely not a bad chick to look at if you're down with the 'girl next door' kinda cuteness. However with such hot men who are probably used to millions of females chasing them, I highly doubt that they are looking for girl next door kinda cuteness when they can have the dime pieces and premium arm candy to flex with. I ain't even mad at that! The way I see things, hot people want to hang out with their fellow hot people, and so I will gladly ogle and stare at the hotties but I by no means think that they are checking for me/have me in their radar. I was telling a friend about it, and she asked me… ‘So, if such a man approached you, would you feel like you are unworthy of his attention?’ and I said umm..unworthy is a stretch, but heyy I would definitely be taken back like ehnn? Lil ol’ me?? :-D... Abi na? I'm sure someone will say 'it's your personality that counts' which I think is tales by moonlight because I'm a strong believer in the theory that men are very much driven by looks.

Meanwoos, according to some male friends of mine who always feel like they are dropping 'knowledge'…if you’re a woman and you want to increase your chances of meeting menfolk at events, wear attire that showcases your figure eight i.e. boobage and ASSets…preferably something in the short and tight category. According to them, men are very visual creatures (no kidding, Captain Planet) and right off the bat none of them know that you have an awesome personality so they are working with the visual image that you present. Hey, I can’t even disagree with them. Much as I’m very anti the short + tight combination (as in, it should be either or and not both), I gotta say that me thinks that the typical woman who gets noticed at most events is decked in a short + tight dress. In response to my friends, I said that I guess that’s why I haven’t been meeting a lot of bobos lately and that I’ll just have to focus on saving up for an Eharmony or subscription, where I can showcase my ‘charming smile’ and hope that my ‘winning personality’ comes through in the words that I type on my profile…

Till tomorrow I will always wonder why men will date a girl for 5 years, break up with her on some bogus reason and then quickly move on to marry another woman within 1 year. Lately, as I attend more weddings and look at the smiling couples, I can't help but wonder which woman is out there on planet Earth crying her eyes out because the 'love of her life' is getting married.

I keep saying this and I will continue to say will make the loudest noise on social networking sites *ahem*...Twitter about how they want an X kinda woman, or a woman that possesses Y traits but when it all boils down to it...if a man really likes you and really wants to be with you, then all that shit goes flying out of the window. And I've observed quite a few examples to support my theory...

Last but not least, why do men love them some crazy women? Maaan sometimes you be hearing some kain kain stories and it's like how on earth would anyone want to be with this woman, yet the man will close eye and stay. My friend was telling me some off the wall story the other day about this one couple (ultimately the woman did the dude dirty and bounced), and was now yarning about how chick was so crazy and the dude was so heartbroken and torn about the situation. I burst out laughing! Upon the one wey she do before, bobo no see warning signs and he wan form heartbroken. Abegi! I'm convinced that men just love them some drama and apparently being a nice and quiet girl isn't #winning. I asked this Q on Twitter the other day, and the responses that I got for why men like crazy women was "the crazy sex". Umm okay na.

Aniwoos let me quit while I'm ahead, because if I siddon tok this man matter na to dey here all night be that.

PS:- Jeez, I can't believe I haven't posted since January. Blame that ridiculous distraction named Twitter. But, I'm alive! Thanks for checking on me... *cheeses*

We go relate.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Taynement threatened me... was more of a side eye, than a threat but I just felt like putting her name in my blog title. Hiiii Taynement...*waves*.

Like someone said to me...'your 2011 never start?'. My people, e don start o! I've just been like extra lazy and things (as always). Happy new year o jare. Better late than never.

A couple of bloggers tagged me in this stylish and versatile blogger awards/7 things about you (thanks guys), so without much further ado. Here are 7 things about me:

1. Me and my ex-roomie went somewhere last night. Some guy was trying to holla at her, but she wasn't feeling him and lied that she forgot her phone at home, so he pulled me over and asked me to help him out. He asked if he could store his number in my phone, so that I could pass it on to my ex-roomie but me sef no wan pull out my phone so I told him to tell me his # and guaranteed that I would remember it. He recited it once and X hours later...I still remember the number.
The point of this being?
I have a very retentive memory. If you tell me something or I read something, I store it in the archives and I'll be guaranteed to remember it. I still remember random ish like what my teenage crush wore at the teenage disco (that's what we called it) when I was about 14. And once upon a time, my friend called me because she was trying to register for EZpass and didn't know her license plate number, and yours truly was all to happy to recite it for her off the top of my head. I like to attribute my retentive memory to my success in school. I was always the lazy student who waited till the last minute to study, and somehow I'd do well.
Disclaimer: If you tell me something that I don't remember it, maybe I wasn't paying full attention (which leads me to the next point)...

2. I am very easily distracted. I can't stay focused on one thing for more than a certain # of hours. My mind tends to wander a lot and I sometimes find it very hard to pray because prayer time is prime time for my mind to wander. This is probably one reason why I don't like to go to the movies. The idea of sitting still and focusing on one movie for 2 hours is like errrrr. I'd rather watch it on DVD and do other things like clean my room, shred papers or some other random ish at the same time.

3. When I was a pikin, I wanted to grow up and be a writer. Then that career aspiration changed to a business woman in Lagos with 2 Mercedes Benz cars. At some point in my life, I thought I'd make a good Nollywood actress (although I can't cry on demand), and/or the lead female in someone's video. Nowadays, I'm just your average Auditor who actually enjoys her line of work...but if money didn't matter, I'd totally go for the Flight Attendant route (so that I can travel the world). And as a side hustle? I would LOVE to learn how to DJ. I already have my DJ name picked out. DJ **** on the 1's and 2's...what! what! Plus you hardly ever see female DJ's, so it would be awesome to break into that field.

4. Sometimes, I describe myself as friendly and outgoing. Other times, I'm not too sure. It really depends on what day you meet me, and what vibes I pick up from you. If you come off as annoying/standoffish or whatever, then I will give what I get. I'm also very famous for meeting someone and instantly deciding that I don't like the person, so that definitely affects the friendly/outgoing factor.

5. I'm very easily amused. Odds are, if I type 'LOL' or 'Hahaha'...I really am laughing out loud. What can I say? I just love to laugh. A lot of folks tell me that I don't look my age and I say that my constant laughter might be one of the things that keeps me looking young. One annoying thing about my laugh activities? For the most part, when I laugh, tears roll down my a real case of ROTFWTIME (rolling on the floor with tears in my eyes, except that I ain't rolling on nobody's floor). Everybody thinks it's funny/cute, but I personally think that it's quite annoying because it ruins my makeup. I actually don't wear much of undereye make up for this reason, and sometimes when I'm all dolled up, I will jokingly instruct my friends to avoid cracking me up until the end of the night so that I won't laugh with tears in my eyes and ruin my makeup.

6. You know how females be talking about they feel naked without a weave or some hair around their face? Opposite for me. I feel the most 'me'/the prettiest when I'm rocking my nappy hair because I feel that's the truest representation of me. I'd prefer for a man to meet me with my nappiness than to meet me with some braids, and think that is me on the regular (seeing that I only braid my hair like 1-2x a year).

7. Last but not least. I like my personality...a lot (does anyone dislike theirs, though?). I can vex with a quickness, but just as easily get over it. A lot of things don't easily phase me because I tend to have a 'well, it could have been worse' mentality. And in general, I really try to portray a WYSIWYG to all and avoid airs and fake steez because in the end, when the wind blows, the fowl's nyash go open.

8. I love reading people's '25 things about me', '7 things about me''s always so interesting to read about other people, so I expect each and everyone of you to have read this thoroughly because I will quiz y'all on it next week... :P

Phew! Finally...the end. A lot of folks have been tagged on this, so I'm gonna tag anyone who hasn't been tagged yet.

Coupla notes before I sign out:
1. I blogged about the starting the CPA last year. Well, I took (and passed) my first section. Up up Jesus! The Lord is good. I'm planning to take the 2nd section at the end of February and have been hella lazy with studying so let's see if my retentive memory will serve me well this time.

2. I have a write-up on about moving back home. It's my opinion...kpom kwem. I'm definitely not anti-someone else stating their own opinion with their argument for wanting to move back home 'cos ya know...not everyone will agree with me/like what I have to say. However, it just seemed that some folks were salty for no reason. On some 'you're nothing but an immigrant', or 'America is not your land, it's another man's land'. No shit, Captain obvious. On more than one occasion, I definitely wanted to type 'Abeg fuck out of here with your pretentious BS' and my potty mouth factor is at a -1 sef, but I had to keep it professional on Jaguda's site :-D. I guess with my Naija people, even if I move back home and my only contribution to the nation is to be seen prancing up and down on Bella Naija's red carpet, they will still feel better about themselves because I'm doing the prancing in Nigeria and not abroad. I don't get it sha but ah well.
Aniwoos, here is the article for your viewing pleasure (Home is where the heart is...). Please feel free to comment with your constructive opinions. I'm open minded to anything that is constructive.

And on that note, I'm out.
Have a great week y'all.