Monday, July 11, 2011

The Confidence Tales - Part 1

I believe in these 2 phrases:
1. Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent
2. We weren't all born on the same day.

Let me address #1:
I have a friend who is a self proclaimed snob. So every time she prefaces some sentences with...'you know I'm a snob so...', I always wonder if the subjects of her snobbery noticed that they were being snubbed. If so, did they truly feel inferior?...Or how does it work, like do you snob people regardless of if they notice you snubbing them/feel inferior in the light of your snub? All resident snobs in the house, feel free to tell me how it works.
For me, unless you want to sit in your house and snub me from a far distance (to which I'd be very unaware of this, so ummm that one na your wahala), there's no way we can be in the same room and any individual will make me feel inferior. And the reason for this is that I'm very self assured and confident in who I am + I believe that everyone's path in life is different and we weren't all born on the same day (addressing #2, now)...so I don't look at any individual and feel that they are better than me. The person sef can be in the room with me, looking down their nose at me...I still won't notice.

I think that amongst Nigerians, it's very easy to get an inferiority complex with a quickness. By default, most of us are over achievers who strive for the best, and so when you step up in the spot with your 'less than superior' credentials, you gotta do it with your own kind of swag and back it up! You know what I'm saying?. I mean, who is a Consultant in the house? Tell me how many times, you run into Nigerians and mention that you are a Consultant, and you have folks asking if you work at 'Accenture, Deloitte, Booz Allen or McKinsey?'...lol!
I'm sure some of you know that I'm an Auditor and no, I don't work for any of the big 4 accounting firms aka PWC, KPMG, Deloitte or E&Y (although in College, PWC was once my dream job). But I get asked that a lot...like 'what do you do?', and when I tell 'em, the next Q is 'which of the Big 4 firms do you work for?'...they don't even ask IF I work for those firms, it's an instant assumption. I'm always happy to burst their bubble...heehee.
In fact I remember back in the day, when 1 toaster asked why I didn't aim for a 'more challenging' position at these Big 4 firms...acting like he dey denge with me 9-5, and sees me at work. That was one of the reasons why he got nexted with a quickness. Condescending attitudes won't fly with this sister... So errm, as a Nigerian, I know that you gotta be confident around your people or else, some of them will try to make you feel like you ain't up to par.
I know people who are doing quite well for themselves, drive this, own property, work at X but I've never looked at them like they are better than me because of what they have achieved in life. As dem see me so, I'm not on the street begging for alms or some shit.

You might have gone to the best of the best schools, work at the #1 fortune 500 company, wear the best of the best designers, drive X luxury car and own Y house...and if that's your story...we thank God for you and your successes. But trust that with a Bachelors degree from a school that I'm sure your aunty in the village has no idea about (and no current plans for a Masters..hehe), my rented space, my non-luxury car and a resume that doesn't boast of any 'gengen' fortune 500 companies, I can still stand and cough in your presence (old slang). I am perfectly okay with who I am and feel very confident in my current life status.

Like I said, I believe that everyone's path is different and that we all want different things from life. I have no desire to own Prada, Gucci or Louboutins and so I don't sweat the females standing next to me, who are happily sporting theirs. I don't want a Masters degree and so your Wharton MBA means nothing to me (don't get me wrong, I'm not hating o). The things that I want, are different from the things that you want, so why should I compare myself to you or feel less than because you have X, Y and Z while I don't. And even if you and I want the same things, and you got yours X years before I did, I still won't feel less than. I know that my time is coming, so in the mean time I'm going to continue to enjoy me as I am and not sweat you or feel inferior.

Back to point #1, I recently had lunch with a coworker and her friend. Na so her friend come ask me what my hobbies are, and so I listed my hobbies. I guess the Ajayicious babe wasn't too impressed, 'cos she said 'err well, doesn't everybody claim that they like to do all of that?'. I saw that as an attempt at a direct snub, like she didn't feel like my interests and activities were interesting enough...condescending ass beech. So, me kwa I kuku said 'Yep, unfortunately we aren't all as unique as we like to think and those things are what I enjoy doing' and then proceeded to ask what her own hobbies were...'cycling' and 'gardening' were her very dry responses. Mchewwww! See Okoro feeling funky, I hella expected her to say 'sky diving', 'bungee jumping' and some equally 'gengen' ish. Abegi, I will be the first to tell you...if you're looking for some off the wall stuff with moi, then keep on two stepping to the next person. I'm as normal and regular as they come, and it suits me just fine.

Sooo, this is just a lirru note of encouragement to my people out there. Own everything about yourself...flaws and all, and don't let the next man look down on you because you're not up to Society's standards. Don't compare yourself to anybody...your own time is coming too. Plus I'm sure that as you are comparing yourself to your mate who is supposedly doing big things, someone out there is comparing theirself to you, wanting to get on your level. Such is life...
Wear the heck out of that Forever 21 dress with a superior swag...you're just as hot as the chick who rolled in rocking Gucci and feeling funky with it. Blaze up the spot with your Jamaican weave and let the Brazilian and Peruvian weaved up babes hate from their little corner. Go to the Harvard Business School annual conference and boldly hand out your none fortune 500 card, they need some diversity up in that piece anyway (from what I heard) :-D.
Celebrate your rented space and don't feel bad because you're X age and you don't own property. If property is what you want, save for it and it shall be yours eventually. Don't listen to your parents, sometimes they are they key perps of trying to make you feel insecure with the whole 'Aunty Uchenna's son Ikenna is doing X, Y and Z'...and trying to make you feel like you're a loser because you're just starting out with X. And ultimately, remember that you're just as good as the next person. That attitude will get you far :-).

The end.

50 comments:

Taynement said...

Loved. I chuckled at a lot of places. Thanks for the encouraging write up. Self confidence goes a LONG way.

Anonymous said...

Just for kicks, I'm second!!! Yay!!!!

*says prayer and hopes it's true I'm really second*.

On to the post, preach it!!!!

God bless you for this..

Shadenonconform

Omosi Thisgirl said...

Yes, yes and yes. Seriously, this is something I tell myself everyday.

leggy said...

i agree with you so much. i believe no one is ever going to make me feel less than i think i am without my permission. i try to work hard and study hard. all those things will come to those who work and wait.

LohiO said...

I agree with you SO much! I am in control of my own happiness. NO ONE can ever make me feel inferior...EVER!

K said...

sooo funny

EDJ said...

I agree with this post 1000%.

Everyone needs to "own" what they are and if they're not happy then of course they should build on what they have.

Its good to be successful, but its even better to be truly happy with yourself because if you are then you will find success no doubt.

rethots said...

Tis all about setting one's own standards breaking them and setting new ones. Rather than making someone else one's standard, in which case, the best one can ever be is 2nd best.

Vivi said...

Great, great post! This may sound corny and cliche but I so needed to read this entry this early morning. Read it at the right time...of 5:39am.

Blaze up the spot with your Jamaican weave and let the Brazilian and Peruvian weaved up babes hate from their little corner.

Jamaican weave, though? I'm done with you!

Sankofa said...

Thank you so much for this post! It came at the perfect time because I needed to remind myself to stop living by other people's rules. I agree 100% and only wish other people can see the wisdom in your views.

Welcome back; you've been missed

SHE said...

Reminds me of Dolly Parton’s “coat of many colours” which she felt was worth more than all the clothes of the other kids, because of all the love that went into the making.
Sometimes it’s not about the monetary or prestigious value of anything, but the happiness one derives from it.

LG said...

una don hear?? :)

SwapQueen II said...

I started my consulting career with a top 4 firm (KPMG) and stayed with them for 4 years and frankly I dont know what people go on about! they work you to the bone and then work you to the bone! what is there to be feeling proud about? pshew! people do need to get over themselves!

Fabulo-la said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Fabulo-la said...

AMEN my sister!

When you see me stuntin' in my picanto, Halachur girl jere.
lool

Norrin do me.

Afterall no be money I take buy the car?
Shio! See yahwah for Lagos because na picanto I de drive.

Nonsense!

Abeg chop knuckle jere.
At least I know you will greet me if you see me on the road. LOOL

izzy said...

im sooo needin the situatis right now coz i made some wrong calculations and is presently unemployed. Imnot lazy in any way. I have been wallowing in self pity and have stopped socialising and being allso chickish anymore coz of the situation. Im just going to get that morale once again, thanx for the article.

Laurenta said...

on point

Nefertiti said...

Yes Bawse! I have a very good friend who has everything working for her but self esteem. I need to direct her punk ass to this post. Gbamations 3:16!!!

Anya Posh said...

haha! this post was funny but you do speak a lot of truth here.

Ginger said...

I loved the humor but more than anything...the swagger in the message.
I've always believed in #1, but sometimes when you are down or fail, all those insecurities come with a vengeance.

Ginger said...

You are invited to fill out this questionnaire. Thank you -

http://sicklecellinnigerian.blogspot.com/2011/07/have-your-say.html

Ope Adebayo said...

Thanks alot for this lovely post.

natural nigerian said...

Your friend the snub appears to have a need to be a snub. I wonder what she is trying to make up for. Seems to me that she has a void that she is trying to fill.

You are right in stating that one needs to know what is important to them and not bothering about the next person. That acceptance of oneself is the only way to live a full and happy existence.

LusciousRon said...

Preach it! You are tugbaski!

Miss Enigma a.k.a UnderCover07 said...

Nne! #Gbamnation!

Gbemisoke said...

Ajayiscious?
We'll be needing a dictionary here soon :o)
I enjoyed reading this

R.One said...

haha...Nice one!

Tatababe said...

WORD!

'Lara said...

Word, thank you for this post.
But really, I don't know how people can feel inferior and compare themselves to another person.
We all are different and not born the same day, even twins have different destiny.

ifeoma said...

baby. i always love reading ur posts. pple nid 2 be more self assured really. just bcos Mr T n Miss B have xyz doesn't make them more awesome. hi-5 darling. xoxo.

Deez said...

See me thinking the babe would have the same interests as Tom Cruise or some ish like that. Gardening ke? lol Everybody get dem own sha.

I'm a deal ninja. No shame in my Marshalls shopping game. I buy whatever I like (financially also) and feel comfortable in.

Our people like titles and recognition though. I've been at parties where people were announced as: His Excellency Barrister Chief Bishop Dr. Jack or something along those lines. Na wa!

~Sirius~ said...

Standing ovation. Tell them about themselves! I wish a lot of folks could read this and implant it into their brains.

Nice one.

Etoile Oye said...

Thanks so much for this timely reminder. smh at people who praise uniqueness and yet bash you for not having the same interests as them.

Chic Therapy said...

AMEN!!!

Nutty J. said...

Well well well...you just about made my day

xoxo

Mia said...

HAHAHA. I adored this. Yes, I think it's such a Nigerian thing to immediately try and put people in some sort of heirarchy as soon as you meet them. It's annoying. I don't deny I like designer things, but I like them cuz I'm a whore for labels, not because I think I ought to like them...so it blows my mind when people judge other people for not having them...

My self confidence was at its peak when I was in high school. I thought I was the shit. Then I went out into the world a bit, realised LOADS of people were the shit, I was not the most amazing thing out there...and it took a massive dive. Then I grew up a bit, got a job and it's on its way up again...but it's not rock solid, I admit. I admire you for yours...

xx

Myne Whitman said...

So true, I can only add, GBAM!

ifeoma-adiagwuagwu said...

Nne, "see Okoro feeling funky," that part... I like best. LOL

Nice Anon said...

pumps fists in the air yeah baby yeah!

Rebirth said...

this was a funny but truthful read. Some people like to out others down to cover their own insecurities also...Jamaican weave? Will it be like kinky braids? hehehehe

Ope Adebayo said...

Hiya! I awarded you with the Sunshine award, go on my page to view it.

debs said...

very well said babes.used to be nicknamed 'miss confident' but i let people make me feel small at some point.took a lot to build it back and this article is a booster as well. all correct. theres nothing as beautiful as confidence.

eb said...

this is so good. just started following this blog and i love it. i am so sure you went to QC viz 'Reformed Bubbler, and ajayicious'

olu said...

Good stuff, Mgbeks! Good stuff. It's been a minute and then some. What's up? I don miss you...

Mwajim Al said...

Sweet note to end the day on from my end :) thanks.

Kate said...

I LOVED THIS!!!!

Vera Ezimora said...

And let's not forget pride and the grace of God. I mean, even with the best education, the best family, the cleanest bill of health, etc, it is still by the grace of God that we get to do whatever we do - no matter how big or small. Some people tend to get proud and forget that they did not do it by themselves. And that other people may actually want different things in life.

Nicely written, babe.

FNLP said...

this is the truth! i preach same to all my friends too! we def have sumthin in common!..keep it up.

stelzz said...

great post. thanks for sharing. we all need to hear things like this once in a while.

first time here and following.

http://thespringinmysteps.blogspot.com

The Vegan Nigerian said...

"see Okoro feeling funky..." I just about lost it lol!