Saturday, February 23, 2013

Such is Life


My friend’s wife once tried to hook me up with this dude. In the name of fairness and open-mindedness, added him to my BBM, and to start with, his beyond shorthand grammar was absolutely slaying. He typed things like:

am kul
I wz der
am cuming to ur hse

I mean, dude was across the seas so our communication was all occurring on ze BBMs. The first impression no make sense o jare. But grammar aside, the man’s communication skills no get part 2, and I honestly felt like it just wasn't gonna be a good pairing. The height of it all was one day when he sent me a BBM to ask how my day was going and I said “it’s going well…winding down”, and he responded with “ahh, I can tell you are having a good time”. In confusion, I asked what he meant by that, and he said “you are winding down…you must be a good dancer” (I’m obviously quoting this in perfect English here) and y’all…I had the BLANKEST stare on planet Earth. Nah bro.
*As a runner-up to this amaxe stuvvs, he once stated something about “popping campaign”, which I later learned to be “popping champagne”. Errr, nah.

But let’s not deviate…
So, one day my friend’s wife engaged me in a grilling session…asking me why I wasn't proactively checking for her homeboy, and how he always hit her with the feedback of how “I don’t PING him”, and he was frustrated with the situation because I was very non-responsive to his IMs, and not very forth-coming in general. As the voltron force for her boy, she gave me a long spiel about how he’s a really good guy that she can vouch for any day, and how he was doing very well in his businesses, and is generally frustrated ‘cos the wimmens in Nigeria are after him for his money, and so he wanted a fresh wholesome babe like yours truly (Stories that touch). She then added as her (well-intended) parting shot… “Please give my friend a chance. Remember that the men that we ladies tend to be checking for, usually aren’t checking for us so maybe you should face the ones that are checking for you”.

I chuckled at her not so veiled sub (there’s a back story to that) but in retrospect, regarding that “the ones you like don’t like you” steez, I wasn’t even mad at her ‘cos truer words have never been spoken. I was gisting with my friend one evening. This friend of mine has had quite a lot of toasters for as long as I've known her. She’s the kind of babe that always has at least 2 men actively on her case in any given period, and in general, bruvs are always hitting her with some pick-up line or the other. Recently sef, some bruv who has been on her case sent her a Facebook inbox dropping some hot lyrics about how he would love to upgrade her last name to his last name...LMAO, I’m not making this stuff up. So, one day we were doing a rundown of her toasters as she wondered why she had never given any of them face and whether she was being too picky, and she stated with pure frustration… “How come all the men that I've been crushing on aren't the ones that are on my case. In fact  if it was my crush Emeka* that had said that he wanted to upgrade my last name, I would have quickly responded to say… baby, no need to mention, I've already dropped my father’s name for yours”. I cracked up…I mean, it was hilarious but I could feel her frustration. Such are the complexities of life.

The people you are checking for usually aren't checking for you. The people that are checking for you usually aren't the ones you are checking for. Such is life my people. You can either weigh the pros and cons, and if the pros seem to outweigh the cons, try manage with a bird in hand even if you’re not completely sold (maybe one day you will)…or you can free your hands entirely and continue to do your thing until life hands you a balanced equation. I no be Ms. Cleo no ni…as I always say, do whatever works for you. And as you do it, remember that life is unfair and such is life! :-D

And that is all she said.

*Name changed so that said crush won’t be feeling like a G6/If said crush has a girlfriend, acid bath will not enter this matter.

PS:- In my last post, Ifeoma Odogwu asked me to remove my word verification in the comments. As soon as I did, I got like 40 anonymous folks spamming me with Viagra pills and other things that I don't need. So the verification is back to stay, I know it can be annoying but such is life. Hehehehe.

18 comments:

DDiva J said...

Hahahhahahhhaaaa.................Such is life...have loads of toasters and everyone thinks am picky but like your friend said,,The ones we like don't pay attention and when they do we might have hooked up with one of the many toasters.....

miss e said...

guuuurl, i was in a relationship for over 3 years on top the whole ''a bird in the hand story" and it crashed and burned. The thing is we should still have our standards but be realistic. The problem is finding that blurry line between settling and being realistic. And truth be told, i kent be bothered with finding that line at the mo, bro ken keep it moving.

Nikkisho said...

Thanks for posting this. Makes me know my thoughts these past few months is ok because such is life :)

Berry Dakara said...

BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA @ "you said you're winding down - you must be a good dancer."

I can't stop laughing!

Hi, and long time btw.

http://berrydakara.blogspot.com

Fabulo-la said...

*dead* at good dancer.
Oh my.
Lool. No words.

Lol like my friend once told me, "..that tall dark n handsome dude has the pick of the litter and sure aint checkin for your average ass".
No pun. But hey, such is life.

Lol.

Ladi Utah Afropolitan said...

Hahaha, haven't been on your blog in years and first post I read, I'm in stitches.

As for me, if its not my driver hitting on me, or someone with half my education... chai! Finally I'm talking to some 29year old banker dude (Babcock+'UK' masters) and was BBing like the guy in your post. #NEXT Gosh, I hate when grown ass men talk like that on BB.

The Lord will answer our prayers. We will not downgrade IJN!

Ola Blessed said...

winding down did it for me!!! the so call good guy may be good, but grammar & english diction is also very important!

Someone sent a similar "good guy" my way... our 1st date was a snooze, buh abeg jare. i too de like food! So I agreed to a 2nd one, which he asked via text-no bueno in my book. However, if I'm going to be bored I might as well be well fed abi? I asked what's the budget range. He responded, "river niger no get fear when elevant wants to enter." 5 minutes later, when i realized elevant was intentional for ELEPHANT!!! I was very sure I was going to pull a no show no answer bruh. -___-

Toinlicious said...

Oh, such is life...very annoying35 yif

aeedeeaee said...

“you are winding down…you must be a good dancer” hahahahaahhahahhaahhahahahhaha
my daysss! Why da hell do they call BBM messages PINGS?? i dont gerrit.
smh

Ya seriously chasing someone and someone is chasing you while another unfortunate perzin is busy chasing your chaser...life is indeed unfair. Jah will make a way. lol. wistful sigh..


'Lara said...

I can't stop laughing at this "you said you're winding down - you must be a good dancer."

Nigerian men and abbreviations...I just tire for them

Lohi said...

LMAO!!! Winding down???? really??? wow!!! Worst is when said crush is checking for you too but not in the same way...he just wants a play something...how insulting!!!! :( Such is life sha.

muyosan.com said...

I just might be the first guy to comment on this. Just to let the ladies know that I use good grammar and you're free to "check me out" hehehe.

Nice write up.

In response to some commenter's impression that too many Naija guys who use bad grammar, it has always been my impression that it's the other way around. Or maybe I've just been meeting the wrong girls.... Ah... "the ones you like don't like you"...
Did I mention I do name upgrades too?....

Mel_0007 said...

Lol @ 'winding down'
This post is the story of my life. Same thing happened to me. I just couldn't with the dude and his atrocious grammar. The straw that broke the camel's back was when it emerged during the course of a conversation, that he didn't know the meaning of exhaustive'...Neeeeeeext!

TheRustGeek said...

Hilarious.... especially the bloke who went from 'winding down' to deducing that you were a good dancer.. Perhaps he had been fishing for an opportunity to pay you a compliment and saw this as a wonderful opportunity to do that? ;p

Meanwhile this backstory to the sub, make you try share one day ooo!

Anonymous said...

DEAD! No, uh uh, I rreeeffuuussseee to believe that the negro said "campaign"

Ginger said...

"popping campaign" lmao. I used to think "if he cant spell it he cant afford it"........there goes my theory. I cant abide bad grammar simples!

Beulah! said...

Hahahaaaa na real "popping campaign"....very funny. How so true, d people we crush on dont always reciprocate. As my sister would day, "such is life"... try give d bobo small chance sha, u never can tell *wink*

Anonymous said...

Love your blog...

Text speak in general is a no no for me, people ask me why and I tell them 'If a man is interested in me, he'd make the effort' and to answer what the effort is - good grammar!
Men want educated, exposed, freak in bed, housewife, and girl you can take home to your mama girls’ nothing wrong with me wanting a man who can speak and write properly.
I guess I'd be single for life eh 