Saturday, May 11, 2013

Wifey Material Points = Nonexistent

I realize that I tend to be a little too outspoken on these men/women issues especially when it comes to men’s expectations of women. I remember visiting my sister in Aberdeen back in 2010, and we dropped by a family friend’s house. Somewhere along the course of the evening, the man started yarning something about girlfriends and cooking. I forget exactly what it was, but I remember being very vocal about how no boyfriend of mine should expect me to cook for him. It is a privilege and not an obligation bro! I guess I was a little too vocal about my views. My poor sister was so surprised. She later coached me that I should learn to observe chill sometimes.

And then my male friend recently said the same thing. He said “you and this your gra gra, you know that could be a huge turn-off for men”. The old me would have said “ehn, they should be turned off nah!” but the new me who is attempting to observe chill said “aight. I’ll work on it”. And “serzly”, I’m trying to not always come off as the angry black raow raow woman who isn’t trying to do jack for a man. I’m currently cracking up now sef ‘cos I remember that someone once asked my friend why I, the Original Mgbeke, always seems to be so anti-cooking for a man. I guess her question was fueled by my outspoken views whenever the topic came up on shows like Gidilounge etc etc.
Let me put it out there people: I am not anti-cooking for a man. I will in fact cook 3 meals a day sef for a very very deserving boyfriend (Okay, I’m lying. That would actually be ONE meal a day boo) however, it absolutely gets my goat when men feel entitled to the things that us women do, or feel that women should be campaigning for the positions of wifey. With that, I will straight up tell you to kindly fly out of my line of vision. Narnsense.

So anyway, as I was saying…I am truly trying to observe chill and not always be popping off with my liberated views but sometimes these negros make it SO hard. Case in point, last week, I was on the commuter hustle with my really good male friend and 2 other African guys who I normally ride the train with. We were gisting and somehow, the topic of convo fell on men and their expectations of girlfriends. One of the guys said that he once asked a girlfriend to help him clean his bathroom and it really pissed him off that she said no. This is how the conversation went:

Guy 1 (The complainant): Imagine, she refused to saying that I shared the bathroom with my brother and so she didn’t think it was right that she should clean up after us.
Guys 2 and 3: That’s messed up bro.
Me: Let me get this straight. You asked your girlfriend to help you clean your bathroom. Was your hand broken? Did the doctor order you to not engage in any domestic duties for a week? Was she your housegirl? Was she paying rent in your house?
Guy 1: But if she’s coming over to sleep and sees a dirty bathroom, she should definitely take the initiative to clean it. In fact I shouldn't have had to ask.
Guy 2: I agree. That’s why these girls aren't getting wifed up. You all need to understand that you are pretty much auditioning for positions so you need put your best foot forward. You need to show men that you are domesticated.
Guy 1: That’s right. I guess that’s why that girl is still single self (Note: Guy1 is currently engaged to someone else)
Me: Guy 1, You are such a douchebag for that statement . And please, you men can save your silly auditions for a woman who cares about that nonsense. Best believe that I would not go to any man’s house and clean his bathroom when I’m not paying rent in that house. Na beans?
Guy 3: Ehn but if you needed your tire to be changed, you would call a guy abi? If you need light bulbs to be changed, you would be paging guys.
Me: Those are such basic examples though! What’s the big deal in changing a light bulb? Don’t insult a woman's intelligence please. As for my tires, I can call triple A.
Me: Also, if we are talking about initiative, have you all as men ever taken the initiative to clean a girlfriend’s dirty bathroom?
Guy 1: Why should we? As a woman, your bathroom shouldn't even be dirty to even begin with…
Me: All you African men are such clowns, it is very obvious. If any man expects me to clean his bathroom, then I guarantee you all that he is in a serious jonzing world.

***The snippet above is just a brief summary of the convo. Of course the conversation continued and before we parted ways, one of the guys told me to “Position myself” in regards to the matter of being seen as wifeable. I told him that if that is how babes are positioning themselves, then I decline.

No disrespect to any female who is about that bathroom cleaning life, but personally, to get on my knees and scrub a tub, clean a toilet bowl and engage in all that stuff is pretty damn deep! Standing in a kitchen and looking cute while turning some fragrant stew in a pot is one matter. To clean a man’s bathroom is an entirely different matter and I promise all my future husbands who are reading this post – It will never happen if we are not cohabiting in the same space, living together as husband and wife, or there are extenuating circumstances at hand - i.e. The man is confined to a sick bed. Other than that, as long as you are hale, heart and able bodied like me, you have hands so pick up a bottle of catdamn clorox and clean your own catdamn bathroom! Nonsense and foolishness.
I guess I just don’t know to play this dating game. Like I kuku told those "three wise men”, I’m not here to fake any funk and I will not put up any fronts, therefore I will not come to your house and clean your bathroom or do your laundry (that came up too). What I look like? Your housegirl? Nah bro.

These men sha, be wanting women to display domesticated traits and then after she has turned herself into a househelp, the men will bounce and marry some other entirely undomesticated goddess. If my point of view puts my already non-existent yards of wifey material further into the red, then so be it. Like I kuku told those guys, you African men can entirely miss me with your million rules and requirements, thinking that you all are doing us women a favor by proposing to us and it absolutely gets my goat. I am trying to chill, but trust that I will come out popping off every now and then when presented with ridiculous situations like deducting points because a woman refused to clean your bathroom/didn't take the initiative to show her domesticated side.  If you want to observe whether she’s clean or domesticated, go to her house and see how she keeps it. I maintain that until you put a ring on a woman’s finger and both of you say your vows as man and wife, she is under zero obligation to do anything for you, or prove anything to you.

*Steps off soapbox and resumes observing chill*

PS:- I have had some of the most random ass conversations with African men on thier expectations of future wifeys. I should someday blog about the one that told me that it's negative thing that all he ever heard me talk about cooking was grilled chicken/grilled fish, as per no Naija food was mentioned. LMAO. I really can't...


Gee | EverythingWeddingsAndMore said...

Omg! This post had me at "auditions" looooool now thats a first!

Miss Pepeye said...

These African men really think they are God's gifts to women. I agree with you, original mgbeke,... total "narnsense and foolishness". *longest hiss*

LadyNgo said...

Yes lawd! I honestly don't even waste my breath in such conversations anymore...well not as often lol.

Beautiful said...

wash bathroom ke??? hmmmm.

Would you really blame the guys though when you have babes who would fall over themselves to wash bathroom, toilet, cook, do laundry, etc all to get wifed up...mchewwww nonsense!

mizchif said...

*sigh* there is no hope for you, really.
Me i've learnt abi i'm still learning to observe some deep chill when it comes to these matters, especially as i'm now in Naij. If you think the things you are hearing from those guys are ridiculous, you should meet the ones here.
I like that he used the word "audition" because that's really what these things have become.
Some females now know that if they're trying to be wifed next thing is to show up at his house and get on all fours cleaning and such. God is good.

Let me keep quiet, after all me sef i'm still single, i must not be doing the right things.

Anonymous said...

O_O. Clean gini? Your own even better, even if I get married, na to share cleaning and cooking duties or get a maid o. I ain't playin that shit. Especially now that I am in Nigeria and I see chicks BREAKING their necks to do alladis and they are still side chicks and the like. Biko be yourself, the man that wants to marry you, will marry you.

Berry Dakara said...

OMG, I have to run away from this post before I FLIP OUT!!!

WTH does "audition' mean?!?!?! Somebody hold me o! How freaking disrespectful is that? I'm sorry, but your guy friends are total idiots and I don't know how you held yourself, cos I would have let them get 3 pieces of my mind!

UGGGGGGH! I'm so pissed off with this post!

Enkay said...


Oh, I got so much "Talking to" from guy friends who thought my "liberated views" would ensure I turned into an old unmarried hag at 50.

Talk about being dramatic.

Even now that I am married sef, I am constantly extending the limits of my patience.... and we keep reviewing and re-reviewing our expectations of each other when it comes to house chores. (I should do a post on this)

But then he's put a ring on it and therefore it behoves us to find what works.

There's NO WAY I'd be cleaning Bathrooms for some bloke just so I can prove I'm wife-able. No way!
If you are house-girl before you marry, what happens after? You turn into the slave-wife that's what!

1 + The One said...

Wow.. thanks for this insight, I would have never known I was on stage auditioning all this while *phew*..
What a joke, really? lol.. God help us!

I used to be as vocal as you (ok, maybe just almost as), but I have learnt to calm down.. To be honest, I am getting married to only one man by God's grace and it's his views I am interested in..

And truth is that some women actually don't mind the audition *confused face*, so to each his own..

Anonymous said...

absolute bull, i am married... before we got married and till date i never had to do stuff to prove wife material with regards to cleaning n cooking... even as we r married, i still dont clean i have a cleaner come in once a week and hubby totally understands... call me lazy, for ur own pocket..

so biko the one that would like u is not cos u r scrubbing ya life out in the bathroom or cooking up a storm.. ladies start these bcos they wanna get married and then when they do, they stop and the man starts to compalin they have changed..

my mother always advised never to start any habits i couldnt keep up with in marriage.... shikena.

scrubbing toilet u share with someone else my foot, thats just downright ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!

Anonymous said...

as for changing bulbs and tyres i can sooooo do them by myself, i dont need to call anyone to help out.. funny i am the handy one around the house so all those dont work for me at all..

years of living by myself in the abroad helped me deal with that!!!

air-mecca said...

Wow!!! Some menfolk out there give the rest of us a bad name sha. I'm not surprised, it is a function of the (messed up) society we live in and lack of home training. I've been cooking and cleaning since I was 10 (I get 2 sistas o), so the notion of someone cleaning up after me is alien. Like 1+The One said, the only person's opinion wey matter na your husband. And if the guy's head has been led astray by societal perceptions and stupid culture, recalibrate it for him. As for the other guys, direct them to the nearest transformer, they can hug it.

Vintage Eye Candy said...

This convo about toilet cleaning cannot! be real? Dem chop winch? ehn! oh! really? na craze!!

You even comport yourself well, Osi gini clean toilet? Because my mama noh! born me well.

He must a)Either be drining my bath water or B)Washing my underwear

I kent!

Anonymous said...

LOL.. those guys are jokers and sound so stupid though..
Auditioning?? really??? Who pissed or shat in the toilet bowl that she should clean up when she does not live there? and oh... her bathroom should not be dirty in the first place but theirs can be??

Wo! all this man vs woman things sef gets tiring...

Nice blog and interesting topic too.Everyone has expectations and its better to voice out. You are even right about how they end up getting hitched to one undomesticated individual. What do we call this? LIFE!!

Have a lovely day!

bumight said...

You guys need to chill, it's the WOMEN that make guys feel like we should be auditioning for wife position.
I've also learnt to keep my feminist views to myself. In the past few days, I've had WOMeN talk to me like I'm trying to get a man to propose or audition for wifey " ...don't do this, or else he won't marry you....don't cook for him until he proposes....if you sleep with him, he won't marry you.." And I'm like, what makes you think I'm trying to marry. What if I'm trying to have fun myself? Lol.
Anything I do for a guy I'm dating is a privilege, once u put a ring on it, it might transition to a right.

Why don't men take the initiative to buy girls stuff, afterall aren't they auditioning for position of provider? Mschew!

Adura Ojo (Naijalines) said...

I'm jaw dropping speechless reading this. Is this what this generation has come to? I hope by the time my daughter is old enough to date, she'll have learnt enough from her mama to value herself, avoid the useless bits of congealed matter calling themselves men, and find herself a real man! You've said all that needs to be said. Hopefully, most of our single ladies value themselves like you do and are not for that bathroom cleaning -auditioning-for-a-wife life. Kindly allow me to scream...arrrrgh!

Lohi said...

You can't even blame the goats though! The way our African sisters have made them feel like this marriage thing is the be all and end all, they think they can feel entitled to shit!

Better clean your bathroom and I will clean mine!Do what laundry??? when I do mine once every 2 months coz I hate that shit!

Even as much as I like to cook and it is my thing, nobody is making me cook if I do not feel like it. Its my way of spoiling you not an obligation!

Mschewww! I am angry even!

Toinlicious said...

*stuffing mouth with the chill pill*

I can't. I just can't. Kini gbogbo rada rada yi gan sef. If a guy won't marry you, he won't. End of story! I'm sure Mr. Filthy bathroom already knew he wasn't marrying Miss ex. Long hiss

Ginger said...

Lets begin with the fact that a boyfriend who has bad housekeeping skills is not very likely to improve when he is married.

do i want that albatross on my neck? No. so i wont even date you in the first instance.

leggy said...

my level of popping off is infact very legendary. men know what to expect from me when they step up to me because they have obviously heard that i do not play that bullshit. i'll cook for you because i want to not because i'm auditioning for some silly arse position that your broke arse isn't even ready to give me yet.
clean your bathroom?! lol. i literally burst out laughing when i heard that. a man will not even have the audacity to step up to me with that bullshit. do your laundry? nigha, na you bring me come america?
people know exactly what to expect when they step up to me so that when they get into a relationship with me, they know exactly what to ask and what to shut up about.

Anonymous said...

@ Original Mgbeke I just resent it. Is this the correct address?

Danceslave said...

Omg. I don't even know where to start on this one. I'm just blinking really hard, and trying to bite my tongue. I don't know what I'd do or say if I found myself in such ridiculous convos. Geez.

Danceslave said...

p.s. It'd be interesting to hear what more men had to say on this post.

Omotee! said...

Mgbeke, gaskiya one day u go tear person belle. I read this twice o! Too funny!

Naija men and waxing lyrical BS ehn, but I don't blame them, lots of babes r willing so they confuse us as one.
Just remember uni days, we call it cooler ministration - that's when girls use their small pocket money to cook for boys who in turn Laff at their foods in d hostel. Talk of Iranu local ventures.....

'Lara said...

The auditioning part just got me laughing...biko na music contest abi wetin...did you ask if his current fiancée also scrubs his bathroom...I just can't with African men.

mr&mrs talklovealways said...

You have brought reality to us through that conversation. But some people self...

Mz.T said...

Mehn mgbeks, where do you find these men? Clean his bathroom?! Chimo! I didn't get 2 degrees to be a maid. When it's not my house and I'm not paying rent. Tufia.

Devil's Spawn said...

At the end of the day, everyone is entitled to their opinion, answers, beliefs and what not. I am too old to bother with what narrow minded "mildren" (men /children) think they should get from girlfriends. As long as you are not my man you can kick boulders.

~Sirius~ said...

Sweet mother of Jesus.
And somebody will marry that guy one day.....Tufiakwa!

Which one is cleaning bathroom whn i am girlfriend? what familiarity is causing that? Am I your house help?

Hian! there's nothing I won't hear...audition ko, audition ni

Bella Joya said...

i got to the point where i dont even have these type conversations with Nigerian men. I mean guys are steady looking for maids.. ai mo oye babes that will cook, clean, wash toilet, pay his bills and still end up being side chicks, almost side chicks, cuddle buddy.. all join.
lets not even mention the 'your mouth is sharp because you are still young, in 5 years time your story will change' i just lol and sigh..

Anonymous said...

Its horrific the things they come out with. A side effect of worshipping mothers and desperate girlfriends perhaps.