Monday, March 11, 2013

The Coding Issue

An old friend recently got engaged. This was her second engagement. The first one was very much publicized with a multitude of Facebook pictures and the whole world armed with the knowledge that she and ol’ dude were an item. Along the line, she started to see things about the man that she wasn't feeling so she called off the engagement, and it was this huge issue. Now, a few years down the line, ol’ girl got re-engaged to a new boo-thang and pretty much, a whole bunch of people didn't know anything about it until the day she that posted a traditional wedding picture on BBM and we were like “Hold up! You were engaged???” Look, I’m not even mad at her. It’s a case of once bitten, twice shy. The babe coded the matter well well, and in the light of her previous experience, who can blame her?

I am beginning to understand why some people keep engagement and wedding talk strictly under wraps and within the circle of trust. Within the last year and a half, I've heard of more than enough broken engagements. They all stemmed from a variety of reasons:

I found about things about his family that I wasn't comfortable with

We got engaged and realized that we truly weren't compatible

He started to show his true character and I had to bounce

And the worst of them all…

He wasn’t sure

To that last reason and the multitude of unsure men who roam this earth, all I gotta say is that God is watching you mafakas HDTV. May a man not waste your own daughter’s precious time, you hear me so?? God forbid a man raises my hopes, I start planning a wedding and then he pulls the “I’m not sure”. Heoooo, my God will fight for me on this matter! There will be blood! *catches the spirit*. If you’re not sure, then you better start to reveal yourself from day one biko. Thanks in advance.

But let me not get side tracked…

If all these once bitten women code their engagements the second time around, then I’m not mad at that at all.  I mean, do you realize how freaking awkward it is to display your ring on BBM with the status message “he put a ring on it!!!!!!!!!”, relay your very intricate proposal story that elicits a bunch of “awwwwwws” from every listening ear, and start to go through the process of planning a wedding, only to have to go back and start explaining to everybody down the line that “ummm, wedding’s off guys”. Shoot, if that was me, I would zip my mouth tightly the second time around. It’s sad that something as beautiful as getting engaged can’t be as celebrated as it should be, because of doubts, uncertainties, and even the so-called enemies of progress who may be trying to pour sand in your garri.

So yes, I understand why more women are keeping their steez on the low-key status these days.

However, here are two instances of coding that I still don’t get:
1. I put up a random post last year or so, where I briefly touched on coding and how I was blown that an engaged babe could come and be forming single babe with me, only for me to find out 4 months down the line that she was getting married, and had been dating her now husband for about 4 years. Now, while I understand the concept of coding, this was one aspect had me scratching my head. As in, I kent be here talking about how it’s hard out here on these streets and your engaged self kwa will be following me to yarn “men it’s tough for us single girls o”. In that scenario, I felt that at the very least, she could have simply issued a general statement like “ahh, I hear that my sister” or something and kept it moving. To say that I was blindsided by the babe’s engagement is an understatement.

2. When your supposed close as in “personal people” code their own from you kwa. It’s one thing to keep the matter from the general public and “friends” in the general sense of the word, and another to code it from your peoples peoples. I know someone who did that…did introduction and all her so-called close knit friends were in the dark. Like hia! I know myself, that's the kind of thing I would take hella personally. I'm talking about my personal people here o, like shiooo.

As for me, when my turn comes…will I code my own matter? Well, by default I’m not one to put information out there. For me, relationship types of things generally stay on the lowkey, and so an engagement would probably not be a publicized matter.  I was recently telling my friend that while the recent trend of folks putting their engagement info out there on Twitter (and spamming my TLs with the congratulatory RTs) is kinda cute, I know that it’s something that I wouldn't do, just because it’s not my nature.

So if you are about that coding life for your own personal reasons, then code away. And if you’re not, nothing do you as well. You know my steez on matters like this… “to each his/her own”.