Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Memo to Single Girls: Go on That Date

I recently befriended this really cool Naija babe at work, and as a fine babe like her is concerned, there’s a good looking African American young man who works in the client’s IT department that is interested in her. He has asked her out more than once and she declined his offers. But since he’s a persistent guy, he recently popped up again with his interest and even asked the Administrative Assistant on the project to please put a good word in for him. I think that he gets an A for effort.
So one day I observed the guy well, and noted that he truly no bad at all and so I asked my friend why she was not feeling the guy’s ring tone. The first thing she said was “Abeg he’s cute and all, but I’m looking for a Naija man jare”. My response to her was that it shouldn’t be a do or die affair, and at least one lunch date wouldn’t kill her. In my opinion, it’s something different to do + nothing beats a free lunch, but that’s just me.

I find that a lot of us Naija babes (especially in the abroad) tend to restrict our dating lives because we have this long term vision of the single family home with the well-manicured lawn filled with 3 beautiful children that we created with our NIGERIAN husbands. One Jermaine with all the right credentials approaches us and it’s an automatic “Nahhh” because he’s not Nigerian and so based on that you also decline the invitation to go out somewhere for dinner/drinks/coffee. I’m not here to preach to anyone about expanding their dating territory, but what’s wrong with going on one date at the very least? Like I said, it’s something to do, it’s a free lunch/dinner, and it beats sitting home doing nothing while waiting for the Naija husband to ride up in his BMW and swoop you off your feet. Plus, you just never know…maybe that one date with Jermaine could lead to an unexpected sonthing. But look, even if it doesn’t…at least you went on the date.

My approach to dating is “just do it”. I might not necessarily think that anything major will come out of it, but if I find a man to be decent looking and decent seeming (important keywords as I won’t advocate for dates with every Tom, Dick, and Harry), I’ll give him at least one shot. I had this moment of randomisity in the past where the stars aligned in my favor and for a stretch of time; I was meeting a new dude practically every month. Ironically, they were Naija guys. And I was going on dates which were nice and not all the typical “dinner and movies” thing… It was a good and fun experience albeit a bit tiring (which is the downside of dating). Nothing concrete and lasting came out of those dates but I’m glad that I gave each of those guys a chance and added the different experiences to my book of experiences. When the stars stopped aligning and I went back to the life of being a dry babe, I was quite happy to revert to my standard Friday night dates of Jollof rice + IrokoTV/Netflix. Dating can indeed be tiring but it was a good experience and I’m glad I didn’t just sit at home and spend every Friday night indoors holding out for Mr. Right and missing out on some good outings and the chance to get dressed and look pretty.

Ultimately I’m aware that there needs to be a balance between having a full calendar filled with dates for every single Friday vs. sitting in and watching Redbox movies on DVD while waiting for Mr. Right to appear but the way I see it is – these are our single years and the time to “get out there and live it up” (in the words of my married friend* -To which I always tell her that its easier said than done, but I do get her drift sha). I think that a lot of us tend to not “live it up” as much especially as we get older and think that “ahhh, what am I doing going on meaningless dates when I should be focusing on the long term view of the walk down the aisle”. To which I would advise anybody thinking such to please get their date on if bobos are asking. The same way that most of us wouldn’t refuse to work until we land our dream jobs is the same way that we should accept more dates if they are offered to us, while keeping an eye out for the Tunde to arrive. Afterall, what does it profit a woman to be jonzing in dryness when you can be out there chopping steak on another man's dime and getting your socializing on in the process. Abeg abeg, me I like a free lunch and a good time sha...hehehehe. But jokes aside, ya digs my drift?

That’s all I’m saying really. The tori no be long.

*PS:- I asked said married friend what she would have done differently as a single gal and she said that she would have done more, lived more, and gone on more dates. According to her, you get married and realize that in the end, all the stuff you cared about or fretted about as a single girl doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme. She also wisely pointed out that you have years and years to be married (if God grants both of you long life), and not enough years to enjoy and live it up as a single girl. So listen to my wise friend ladies and do more to live it up…at least I know that I’ll try to.

Peace and Love.


taynement said...

wise words.

what do you do if noone asks you out na? :(

ms cookie said...

very true no point rushing into marriage

leggy said...

this is me all the way. i like free food. free food is sooo important. i love dating. plus i use all these nighas who i know nothing is ever going to come from to try all the restaurants that i've been eyeing in town. plus i think you get to know a lot about yourself on these dates too. plus i'm in my 20s, if not now, when?

Berry Dakara said...

@ Taynement - ask them out :p

Hyperfashun said...

Amen Sister!!! *crawls back under duvet*

Hyperfashun said...

Lmao @taynement. Pray your chaplet

Mz Socially Awkward... said...

Sisteh... I was on one kain date last night with an oyibo bobo who had been feeling me at work and came into town for a spell.

So, as he asked me if I was free for "a movie" last night, I said I was and fixed him into my calendar.

Met him in front of the cinema and then he asked what I wanted to do. Since I thought we were there to see a movie, was a bit confused. He then said the movie sounds like a good idea (as if na me propose am, oh) then as we progressed into the cinema it emerged that he'd come back into town to look for some freelance work because he was currently skint and living in a caravan. So, even though I removed my face when it came time for him to pay for his ticket (he didn't have to pay for mine), I decided to activate my "church mind" to pay for our drinks and snacks.

Honestly, it didn't feel like a date and I kept getting this impression that he might have been fishing as to whether I had a spare room. Call me paranoid... anyway, to cut a long story short, instead of the relaxing evening of reacquaintance that I'd been looking forward to, ended up with this awkward meeting when I could have been chilling at home with my J-rice and enjoyed an early bedtime.

Biko, as much as I'm open to the idea, some "dates" can like to be about wasting your precious time, jo... :-)

velvet said...

Hahahaha@mz socially awkward

velvet said...

Lovely post, am inspired to go on so many dates,.sooo

mizchif said...

I always say as long as i'm fed you can have my ear for the duration of the meal. If i find a guy attractive i'm not one to turn down a date, i mean why do i have to start thinking about marriage just from him asking about date? When i'm thinking about the new morrocan restaurant i've been eyeing? Date, why yes of course.

Ah but, some dates can be a serious waste of time sha but then again still something to add to the big book of life experiences.

Summer said...

i love dating and food.
what i however cant stand sometimes is the messy feelings that arise when someone catches feelings and that person is not me.
Dating allows me to access the guy, see if he's worthy to be in the mess that it my life.
Marriage is always always and always the last thing on my mind.
Isn't it just weird when by the second date they guy is asking you your future plans as pertains to marriage and kids.i'm just like gotta live life in my twenties not here trying to start a family.

Ninirah said...

The men I meet can be classed as either 'possibles' or 'hell nos'. The former I can spare a date for. The latter: there's not enough free food in this world to make me waste precious minutes I could have spent stalking fine boys on instagram.

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