Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Rich or Poor, Swag or No Swag, a Jerk will Still be a Jerk

First of all, can I just say a very belated happy new year to you all? My happy New Year wishes on this blog are always quite belated…but you know my mentality of “better late than never” which definitely rings very true this month. January never even finish and I’ve heard of more than enough deaths and seen more RIPs that I’ve cared to see. We thank God for his mercies in keeping us thus far and I pray that we won’t have cause to mourn any of our loved ones this year, AMIN.
Now onto the gist of the day…

Recently I was having a conversation with 2 male coworkers about men and their levels of income, and what I was willing to accept based on such levels. They asked if I could date a man who I made more money than, and I said yes.  They then followed up with “would you date a man who made X dollars less than you?” And my response was No.
Nna ehn, you go fear vex. They started preaching to me about how superficial we women can be and blah blah and ended the tension-filled rant with “A lot of you women miss out on a good man who can treat you right because you are so focused on money and finances”.
Ultimately their rants fell on deaf ears for 2 reasons:
1.  I am far from materialistic.
2.  A woman is still allowed to have preferences yanno.
3.  I’m so over people tensioning said women about their preferences and then pulling out the  "a man who makes less money/doesn’t have swag/isn’t fine/[and all the other “disadvantages” that he may have] will treat you right so stop aiming high"

It’s like the formula for a good man these days is one who falls below a woman’s standards and expectations because “OMG, Swagger boys are trouble (which I admit most of them are but still…), Accomplished men are entitled azzholes, and a simple guy will treat you like a queen”. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is where I have to call BS on such tales by moonlight. What are we basing such cool tales on?
It has not gotten to the point where it is a sin for a woman with an MBA to say that she wants a man who also has an MBA because "gosh, relax your standards...besides men with MBA are jerks. Go for the LPN or CNA instead, he will love you well well", "or go for the man with an Associates degree, he will treat you better". Such yeye talk.

After talking to my family friend about a recent relationship that didn’t end too well for her, and how she heavily relaxed her standards for the guy who turned out to not even be worth the hassle at all, I said that I’ll be darned if going forward, I open my mouth and advise any woman to compromise on what she wants from a man. I might not find it to be reasonable but you know what, your life is yours to live and my 2 cents doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme. If any woman gets up today and says that she won’t marry until she can snag a Dangote, I won’t vex because what she chop no dey make my bele run. There is no guarantee that she will find happiness with broke Mufasat from the street so who am I to advise her to give up her dreams of snagging a Dangote type? In the end, even if she never finds what she wants and chooses to stay single because of that, that’s her own concern and nobody else’s. Folks might be sniggering behind such a woman’s back on some “that’s why she’s still single” but hey, she’s single and probably happier than settling for a man who didn’t meet up to her expectations and constantly having to compare him to other people’s richer husbands. Her choices are her choices.

Men can be the most superficial individuals but nobody tells them “Give up your dreams of catching a Beyonce, because a Beyonce will not treat you right but a Whoopi will”. Nope, never heard that before. So why do we preach to women to relax their standards on some phantom theory that the man that they relaxed their standards for will be the knight in shining armor? Idongerrit.
Sha sha like I said, I sure as heck won’t be the one to tell a woman that she can’t want what she wants. #Yesshecan2015!
 What’s that saying? Aim for the stars and you will get the moon or something like that…
 It’s not ontop singlehood that babes will just fall for any and everything on top of “he will treat you like a queen”. Cool stories that chill the bones.

Come to think of it, all the extra superficial, high-azzed requirements babes that I know actually ended up with their exact spec so who said that its not good to want the better things in life. And hey, even if their husbands might be jerks, like I’ve said and will say…isn’t it better to cry in a Maserati than cry inside Molue cos the way I see it is this…rich or poor, a jerk is still going to be a jerk so don’t be there heavily relaxing your standards for any bruv that aint cutting it for you.

*Steps off Soapbox*

Now before I peace out, I just want to quickly shamelessly plug my girl Taynement’s website over at www.taynement.com. It’s definitely my go-to for new shows to watch e.g. Jane the Virgin, The Affair, and it's gingered me to get back on old abandoned shows like Masters of Sex.
 She also features great episode recaps (Scandal, anyone??), movie reviews, and everything relevant that you need to know about pop culture. And since its award season, www.taynement.com is definitely the place to camp out since she usually posts predictions that are pretty darn accurate, as well as great red carpet features and commentary (Check her out on Twitter too: @taynementdotcom). So head on over, get your entertainment fix and thank me later!
Peace and Love brethren.

11 comments:

mizchif said...

First of all can i just say how it warms my heart when i refresh my feedly and see that you put up a post.

Dead @ cool stories that chill the bones. Where do you get these phrases from biko!!!!

Random conversation with one of the nurses where i used to work and she said i'm single because i look like i'm looking for a man with money. It's good like that please. If i'm not suffering by myself why must i now choose sufferhead because Mrs? And i'm hardly materialistic, but those same guys that talk about women not dating men who earn less, watch them catch major inferiority complex when y'all are together and you're the one running shit financially.
Then people keep saying that "that's why you're still single like it's an illness".
And the way i see it a broke jerk will be a very angry jerk, so.......

Toinlicious said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
taynement said...

I don't even think I have any comment. Even though I always say there's no science, clearly there is a science, I just don't know the formula. As long as everyone is happy at the end of the day.

Thank you for the plug!

LadyNgo said...

Everytime i come here its like im reading a script out of my own brain. Its funny, basically the equation states that the only way a man will treat you right is if hes got NOTHING to bring to the table lol. Sad. Do men not realize what they actually saying about themselves?

Clara said...

At last a post! Happy new year!

I wouldn't necessarily discount someone based on how much they earn, however, I would based on education and ambition levels. I like a certain lifestyle and while I'm a cheapskate, I still need a minimum kwim? I have worked hard to achieve that on my own and don't see any reason to reduce my standards.

have a lovely weekend!

CherryWine said...

Applause!Applause!!Applause!!! Yes ma'am! Let's all walk in our own truths. This issue has caused so many homes to disintegrate on top of babe wanting to fly business class with the maid and her 3 month old (as she was accustomed to in her father's house) and guy only having money for Chisco regular seating to Nnewi. A lot of girls relax these standards and are then unable to keep up with the pretence of liking their less educated or no money having husband. And don't get me started on the inferiority complex of some guys I know who have married a better educated or a high earning or a well travelled wife. Endless stream of mess. Great post and Happy New Year to you too.

leggy said...

every time i say what i want in a man and people hit me with that BS, i ask them - why do i have to choose? i don't think there's anything wrong with wanting what you want. men will tell you about their list forever but once you dare have standards or a list suddenly women of these days are materialistic.
it's cool, i'm materialistic. let me here like that.

Freegurl said...

Hi Mgbeke,
Sorry my question may be a little off topic, but I need some help from you.
I've been an avid visitor of your blog for about 3 or so years, and it's always fun reading your monthly posts.
A eg, I need some suggestions. I am a female, 30 yrs old, Single, and ehm... I have never been on a holiday by myself. I've been waiting for my husband to show up, but since he hasn't yet, I want to be able to have fun by myself, and when he shows up, we can continue together. Sounds like a plan, right? :-)
I have a few weeks of leave coming up, and I've been thinking of some places I would like to go, but I'm just a bit concerned as to how to enjoy a holiday by myself. I am a relatively reserved naija chic, so I don't see myself "Turning up" in the local bar of whichever city I end up in. Who do I talk to, who will take pictures of me, will people think I'm a loner, etc...
Lol... I think ur around the same age group as me, so I was wondering if you've ever travelled alone, and some pointers you might have. Thanks girl
xxx

Naija Bachelor said...

Take it from a bachelor who has decided he cannot settle for less than his ideal woman, do your thing. If you want a guy who drives a bugatti, please by all means, save yourself for one. My only advise is make sure apart from meeting your financial standards, he will actually make your happiness his priority. I'm sure no woman wants to drive a ferrari and go home to a beating everyday.

Original Mgbeke said...

Hi Freegurl, please excuse my very belated response as I meant to reply early but simply forgot to. I've actually never traveled on my own, its something that I used to want to do but ditched the idea after a while. However from other people who have done so, I've gotten the following ideas:

1. try to make friends with the locals (without seeming too JJC before you end up in your own version of Taken, haha). Apparently the locals will give you the scoop on where to go/eat/hang out if you don't want to limit yourself to the tourist scene.

2. I don't think you will come off as a loner. People take solo vacations all the time so you won't stick out like a sore thumb.

3. You can get anybody around you to take a pic of you. Just use a discerning mind and don't solicit the help of a thief Ole. Loll

4. ultimately enjoy yourself, have fun and don't be self conscious. Be safe especially since you are traveling alone but definitely have a great time. The cool thing about doing your own solo trip is you don't have to wait for other people or be on anyone else's timetable. It's a great opportunity to just do you and have a blast while you're at it. You don't need to be a turn up babe to have fun, there's so much more to do on vacation beyond bars and clubs.

Where are you holidaying to, if I may ask?

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