Monday, September 8, 2008

3 exes and a wedding.

That day I knew that someone up there must have been cracking up at my expense....

The day was a nice spring-ish day. My friend's sister was getting married and she asked me to be in the bridal train. I agreed. Free dress, free accesories, all I had to do was just show up. I imagined it would be a pretty uneventful wedding as per I didn't expect to know anyone there. Uneventful my right foot.
Oh it started out uneventful enough. Ya know the deal..walked down the aisle and played my role as one of the cute bridesmaid. Time for church to be over and us folks to walk out na...I'm walking out and I dey use my side eye to scan the crowd small and who do I see sitting right there at the end of the aisle shining his 32? Ex #1. I almost tripped in surprise, but I played it off pretty nicely. I mean..I was surprised. What was he doing there? He doesn't even live anywhere close to my hood.
So brushing that off and making a mental note to catch up with him later, we got outside and pretty much were standing around waiting for the part where we whore ourselves out for the cameras so that the lovely couple could have a bunch of beautiful pictures to show thier kiddies and grandkiddies, and who taps me on my shoulder? Ex #2. Side note:- Technically, I don't consider him to be an ex, we never had a relationship per say. Sure he was trying to holla and we went on a couple of dates but for purposes of making this tori sweet pass, I go call am Ex #2.
But back to the tori...
*Gasp*I immediately went into catch-up mode..Gave him a big hug (I hadn't seen him in like what? 1 year or so?) OMG, what are you going here, it's been ages blahblahblah. He told me that he moved to another city. I said wow! So you came to spend time with family? He said nope, that he came with his wife who happened to be someone's cousin.
Hold-up! Did I just hear what I thought I heard? Wi gini?
'Whaaaat? Did you just say wife?'He smirked at me and said 'I sure did' and then proceeded to turn around and point her out. Of course she was hovering somewhere real close to. I mean, I don' blame her. When you see some chick all enthusiastically gushing over your hubby, you best get into that FBI mode...young trifling hoochies of nowadays..LOL!I was in shock but I quickly remembered to take a step or 2 back. Married men have always been a no-no and I promise y'all I was just being friendly. Hehehehehe....
We exchanged a few more catch-up tidbits and I quickly found my square root and told him I'd catch up with him later.
In retrospect, I think he was all too happy to point his wife out seeing that I made some serious shakara for him when he used to toast me. Hahahahaha!

Meanwhile we still had Ex #1 that I had to go say hello to o. I mean..what was he doing there? It was a little intermission/mix and mingle thing while the wedding folk set up the reception hall and there was a bunch of people standing around and mingling. I made a beeline for the people carrying suya around on trays and armed with my 2 sticks of suya, I was on a mission to find that Ex of mine.
As I made my way through the all the girls posing in corners with thier short dresses and the guys posing against walls checking the ladies out, my eye fell on him, him, HIM. I repeat, someone up there was cracking the heck up at my expense. WTF was HE of ALL people doing here? Him being Ex #3. I pinched myself and took a big bite of suya hoping that I was hallucinating but no o..pinches and suya no gree for me. I sho as heck wasn't seeing things. It was Ex #3. Mind you I hadn't seen ol' dude in like what? 3 years or so? Last time I checked he lived in another hood and apart from our random catch-up convos now and then, I didn't know much of what was going on with him. I guess he could feel my eyes boring into his being 'cos he turned around and saw me.
*Activate catch-up mode*
Hoh Hem Gee. Fancy this... I said. He was like indeed, it's been what? how many years?
I asked him who he knew and he said the groom and him had gone to Law school together. Shoulda figured that was the connect. Meanwhile from the corner of my eye, I noticed some chick hovering in the background. Close enough for me to know that they came together so I kinda gave her a pointed stare and he was like 'Oh yeah, meet my fiance ****'
Fia whaaaaaat? Oh Jesus. I need a glass of water.
But I quickly composed myself and put my gameface on. 'You're kidding...you? You're engaged?'He was like 'Yeah, yeah... a lot of things have changed'. They shoooooo have. I mean throughout the time that we dated, he always insisted that he would NEVER get married and was damn serious about it. So me kwa, I figured ish wouldn't come to much and peaced out only to come and find out that Ol' boy don engage himself finish. Ewooooo! Yep, things don changed indeed.
But aniwoos back to my tori...I made nice with the fiance, made small talk with both of them and for the second time that day, found my square root. My mind was spinning...Looking back now, that was one funny day!
But yo, it wasn't over o. That person up there wasn't over and done with the jokes. Just when I thought that I was finally digesting all the info and getting used to being in the same space with 3 exes and 2 significant others, who do I run into? The much sought after ex #1...and no, there was no woman hovering in the background 'cos trust me I did a quick scan. We hi-hi'ed it up. (I had seen him within the last 12 months or so, so I didn't have to go too much into the catch up mode). Asked him what he was doing at the wedding, caught up on some random gist and I promised to catch up with him later.
So I walked out and was chilling with my homegirls in the cut, you know staying out of the way of the 'razzi's and all that media attention when I noticed him walk around my way with a woman on his arm. Oh I was all eyes and ears (UnderG of course)...he walked over to the group of girls standing behind us and introduced her.
'Meet Estelle** (For purposes of this tori)
I stood very still for that nano-second as I quickly put 2 and 2 together.
Estelle? That same Estelle? No really, the same Estelle?? WOW! No blame am o, her role in the interruption of me and him was pretty innocent and in retro, they had wayyyyyyyy too much history for me to even try to hold a torch to alladat. I mean, they are married now....But wow, that was the final straw for me and at that point I really did take a time out session to escape somewhere and down a tall, cool, glass of H2O while I asked the person up there if he/she had any more jokes up thier sleeve.

I mean damn! The reception hadn't even started yet....

21 comments:

Ms Sula said...

Oh my god! What a weekend! :)

But trust me, it could have been worse... (I don't really know how but let's say it could sha! :))

If it makes you feel better, I just found out last week that an ex of mine is getting married to the younger sister of another ex... And the kicker is, they have a 20 yr age difference... So yeah, life can be very interesting sometimes.

Hang in there, next time will be your turn...
:)

Free-flowing Florida said...

OMG!!!!!! i so don't wish 2 b u @ dis moment! u mean, 3 exs & every one of dem taken??? fuck! i'd so feel like shit! but u know wot, u own turn go soon come. wen u go parade ur man b4 all those near-misses, make dem see wetin u land & let their eyes pop outta their sockets! i think those men really tried 2 rub it in on u. u can b sure they noticed d absence of a ring in ur left finger

Afrobabe said...

Lmao @ the reception had not started yet..nna I no envy you oh…kai…what are the chances of all of them being in the same place…God really mean you…lmao..

Afrobabe said...

would have been a check mate if you were with a guy...


next time...

Iwalewa McDaniels said...

wow, this is some story. All three are even hooked, that's something else. I can't wait to hear the story of how the reception was.

archiwiz said...

WOW!!! I can't imagine that happening to me. Pele oh...

Waiting for reception gist.

Jarrai said...

Miss Razz, all the skeletons in your cupboard came out to play!!! Well these things do happen..:)

So did u stay for the reception???

Anonymous said...

yeparipa!!lol!!but they are EX for a reason jare!!!yeah u must have felt like shit that day but then if u never ever ran into them would it have mattered if they were married or not!!

Afronuts said...

Lesson learnt:

Its a small world.
You may meet exes in the least expected places!

bArOquE said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bArOquE said...

...one day for the owner of the house!...don't ever want to be in your shoes babe...although i think you must'v been a not so good babe to these guys...speak the truth

QMoney said...

OMG,dis has made my day,av been feelin like crap.
dat musta been really weird.it would have been fantastic if u were there with ur hubby and he was one of d gal's ex or sumtin....LOL

Esmeralda said...

lol,lol,lol!

total fuckery if u ask me, cuz they (the exes) werent only there present, they were all paired up! that would make me feel funny.

NigerianDramaQueen said...

na wa oh... e be like say the plan for 4 u!
I don't know if I would have been able to compose myself...looks like you did a good job doing that. Big ups to ya. Liked the title alot! LOL at the reception not even starting...hopefully there werent any ex's with pregnant wives...

ibiluv said...

kai
all that action in one day!!!!!!!!!

Red Sapphire said...

OMG...can i say that again...OMG.U really tried ohh...still sticking around....gosh if it were moah...i would either fainted or disappeared entirely from the event.
kai...infact dunno how to console u...sorry ehn...

Mystique said...

lol. funny I went to a wedding last weekend with my boo too and these girls that had done shakara for him back in the days were just staring me down, as if it's my fault.

I hope it's not the same wedding you were at, and I hope I wasn't one of the girls you are talking about. lol

Don't worry. Your own will come too. There was a reason it didn't work out, and God has your man specially made for you.

Red Sapphire said...

This article makes me do an obeisance for you.You put it out there just nicely and in a humorous manner.Though horrible to experience, i respect ur openness.Therefore i choose to grace u with this award..
Follow the link to enjoy it.
http://wwwredsapphire.blogspot.com.

theicequeen said...

LOL youshould sell this as a script for a movie or something, because these things do NOT happen! LOL..too much drama for one asumed to be uneventful wedding! life is funny like that though..but kai, if it was me..i'd be wondering the scheming evilness that planned it :P

and all this fun before reception..i woulda just gone to the nearest pharmacy and gotten panadol extra to go with that water!lol..

p.s me likes your blog! me likes a whole lot!

bumight said...

wow! what are the odds?

at least you composed yourself well,kudos to you!

doll said...

LOL! what a wedding