Tuesday, July 6, 2010

IbloginPidgin

E get some kain names wey you go just hope say your parents go spare you, as dem dey name you. Like in the previous post, I yarn say the Isioma babe don see me, the Ngulumu…and true talk, that is somebody’s name. I believe it originated from FGGC Abuloma a.k.a I blow Garri, where there was an Ngulumu Ohembe. Na so the name come carry go o, when you wan tok small thing, you go yarn say ‘shey you don see me…the Ngulumu’. Chai…abeg Ngulumu, if you dey read this/if you are Ngulumu’s cousin, this is absolutely nothing personal. Hahahaha...

Then e get this other babe wey go my school…let’s call her ‘Clementina Amanpour’…LOL. Na so her name come carry o, when you wan tasi pesin…you go kuku yarn say ‘See this Clementina Amanpour’ ooo….as in, pesin wey just dey claim anyhow i.e imagine a convo between Ricky Bobby and I, which goes like this:

Ricky Bobby:- Beyonce is my girlfriend

Mgbeke:- Hia! Who dash you? See this Clementina Amanpour o!


Sooo, speaking of names…the other day, pesin come ask me why I go by the name ‘Original Mgbeke’. I tell am say, I be Mgbeke na. Dem tok say they don’t see it. Abeg o, make the baffs no fool una o. In my heart of heart, I know say I be Mgbeke. The person asked me… 'what makes you razz?’ …

Do you wear shades in the club?’…I said no.

Do you wear Gushy leathers (Gucci) + Prada logo together?’ …I said no.

Do you act uncouth in public”…I said no.

So what makes you razz then?’…I tok say me I no fit explain am, but I just know say I be razzo. Case in point: see as I don enter paragraph two of this post and na only pidgin wey I don blow since. Kai!


On to the pidgin topic, so I no think say I fit follow man wey dey too ‘Americanized’, like all those guys wey dem born and raise for Yankee. Or all those Lagos people wey dey feel too funky, as per dem go Atlantic Hall and their papa dey hold serious moni, and such steez. When man pikin wan get down with the get down and nack correct pidgin English, dem go dey look me laik say my mama no born me well. Abeg carry go. I need to everly be myself, yaoooming (you know what I mean?).

On the flip sha, I no fit follow pesin wey dey too razz/Igbotic/Yorubatic or whatever as per na me wey dey hol’ am down in those areas. There can only be one of us o jare!


Language wise, I have really been proactive about learning Igbo. I have picked up quite a bit of new stuff, and my friend has been so kind as to give me BBM Igbo lessons. Here is how it works: I give her a word in English, she types the Igbo translation on BBM and then I call her for 2 seconds and she pronounces it. Ah, this one don pass Rosetta Stone o! I need to hit her up with some new ones.

Then e get one bobo wey dey wink at me, and I come dey utilize his services too. But e be laik say I go NEXT am real soon, so that source go soon disappear. As in, make una no try o…next thing I will be posting in Igbo if the Pidgin never kill una finish. Hehehe.


Meanwoos how far all these bobos (Igbo bobos na the main culprits) wey dey meet you and in 5 mins, wanna know if you can cook? You kwa, can you buy me Gushi leathers? If you see it as a requirement that I cook, then it’s a requirement that you buy me Gushi leathers. The story no be long thing.


How una July 4th weekend shake na? As for me...I carried my fine legs to enter NYC to bubble and shuffle with awon babes. Not too much bubbling and shuffling dey involved sha, as per our bones don dey old small. I dey yarn my homeskillet how I just packed only 'indoor' baffs and she was like 'for real? not even a night of clubbing?'. The ting be say, clubbing don dey tire man pikin o jare. Na so so loud music, sweaty individuals bumping and grinding and men prowling the scene looking for their next prey. I have been officially bored with clubbing as of 2008, true story.

The weekend was nice sha sha. My homes hosted a cookout/BBQ on Saturday, and we pretty much chilled on Sunday, and had a jolly ol' picnic at Central Park on Monday. Good times.


Meanwoos I dey yarn some peeps say I dey enter NY for the weekend, and dem dey ask if na NRC Reunion, wey I wan waka go. Abeg make una take eye look me na, I look like pesin wey wan enter NRC Reunion? Na im I go enter and the pikins go tok say who be this old mama. This babe go the Comedy show and she come dey gist us say na so so fake lashes, long weave, and booty shorts wey just full the place. Abeg I no get strength to dey compete with such Sasha Fierces in training, LOL.

I con hear say Banky dey have some attitude because man pikin no hail am too much, apparently all the hailing was reserved for M.I. Abeg no be from my mouth wey una hear say Fanta dey orange ooooo. :-D...besides I no sabi if na accurate gist. #ameboruns


And on a final note (In Engrish :D ), I’ve really been scouting for new music so Amazon is like my new best friend. I’ve been in the mood to listen to a lot of albums, so lemme drop some album recommendations of stuff that I heard recently and really liked:

  • Ultraviolet - Kid Sister: Okayyy, where has she been my whole life? I LOVE every single track on her album, true talk.
  • The Archandroid - Janelle Monae: This album is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.

  • Flesh tone - Kelis: I got the hookup about a week before I came out (release date is today). This is an awesome effort from Kelis. Album is filled with tons of dance beats that will leave you itching to jump out of your seat. If you're into dance/techno, you will definitely likey.
  • Anjulie – I discovered her via Amazon, and I’m definitely digging her album.
  • Intimacy - Bloc Party : I was reading my Nylon Magazine, and saw a feature on this guy named Kele Okereke who just came out with a solo album, said he was part of Bloc party so I did some research, and voila! Album is really good, and I like Kele's voice. I would like to sample his solo album.
  • LMFAO - Party Rock : With a name like that, I just had to check it out. These guys are hilarious, the lyrics are fun and it's a generally fun album. Good road trip material, for when you are in a light mood.

That's all folks. Enjoy the rest of your week and here's to wishing y'all a very happy July.


PS:- For the 3 people who care, I am working on an update to the Retail Therapy blog.

43 comments:

iphyigbogurl said...

na me land hia first!!!!!!!

*matches ground to stamp ownership*

lol...e don tey oh.... we never see ur brake light since...

I enjoy this ur pidgin post sha....

makes me miss my ph and warri roots...

the one wey bobos go come dey ask whether man pikin sabi cook dey vex me......
then don see housegyal abi?
idiotic nonsense!

lol

Omosi T said...

Janelle's album is the truth!!!

Tatababe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tatababe said...

LMBO! this woman, you never cease to make me laugh with ur posts....na real "Gushi" :)

2cute4u said...

You for continue end with pidgin na wetin?!
Make I just take style hiss small for the Banky W vexpa. If na true, na in=m be say be don hapi wel wel! ah ha, the gut too feel! Me no gbadun the guy,people plenty wey don throway face for where im dey..
As for the nnamen dem? Na today?! May be dem still think say we dey 'Things fall apart' era. Mscheew, I jump and pass dem all!

mizchif said...

I biakwa ozo!
Now i don't even know where to start to comment.

LOL @ you entering NY and not reaching the reunion. Someone likened it to Allen avenue in Lagos cuz na so so hook-up some people dey do, but again no be for my mouth you go hia say teacher mother die.

Umo nwoke dat want cooking, now they shd be able to pay rent too not only gushi leathers. Shey they dunno their way to the local african restaurant.

So with all ur whole Original Mgbeke title na learn u still dey learn the Igbo? Chai.
Me dat i insert igbo in random conversations i don't think i can cope with a non ibo person long term.

Mwajim Al said...

"Sasha Fierce in training" LMAO...
ooo me i like the way u dey go smooth for pidgin and den u come reverse go straight white man english... smooth operator. lol.

mizchif said...

Oh and i am definitely on the East coast.....i think.
Biko don't confuse me i no be Americana, East side west side i know not!

leggy said...

lol..it took me a while to read through that.
i dont even know where to start.

TayneMent said...

*in non brag mode oh* I can hang in yoruba, igbo or pidgin when need be but I can be with someone who doesn't speak any. I never seem to find myself in many situations where I need to speak pidgin or non english, unless maybe in nigeria. I speak more non english electronically than in person, so it's not like high on the list for me

neefemi said...

lmao...good read...how u dey now? long time

Fabulo-la said...

loool!

*In Lagos posh yoruba accent*

Gosh! I kent kip hup wit u, Mgbeke.

lol

Nice Anon said...

lol@ Tayne.. in non brag mode ko!

This my babe sef.. you don carry correct mecende scatter this post finish!

follow persin wey dem born here abi? na so I follow one bobo one time dey yarn.. correct onye ocha with igbo name sotey i jus dey catch myself saying " yeah" " totally!"
Na dia I no sey nothing dey here for me o! the cultural difference plenty!

lol! fanta na orange o! dis girl eh!

before you start to dey wet your panta.. that kele na gay boy o! make you comot eye and hand.lol

akaBagucci said...

Original Mgbeke toh behd gaan.. Haba... I need to think in pidgin more too o..

Myne Whitman said...

So I shouldn't plan to go for a reunion eh? Me I no get power too o. But I can teach you Igbo sha,lol.

Janelle Monae is in a class of her own. I'm not a great fan of her type of music but Archandriod won me over.

Nutty J. said...

hahaha...this girl your head dey shake, no be small.

I enjoyed your blogging in Pidgin English...

As for those dudes when dey make enquires about cooking, reply them with: 'I be your mama? abi na hunger carry you come find girl? Tell them make them maintain their lane.

isha said...

Lol @ yaoooming! and Gushi leathers! and the whole post infact!

About the reunions, the last time I went to one, it was cause it was hosted in my city at the time, but you should know now... It's all about going to show 'viewers' that you're even more of a baller than when they saw you last year. I know one guy that year who rented a Bentley (i think it was), to 'make an entrance' at the reunion!

Anonymous said...

E be like say I razz pass you. Why did I understand the "yaoooming" before I got to the meaning in parenthesis. Chei.

There is nothing like an under g Mgbeke. I love to whip out my razzness from time to time, esp when people are expecting tushness.

Dreamer said...

Yay! She updated.. I enjoyed your pidgin mgbeke.. It even made me jealous.. I can type pigin but to speak I would just start stuttering and my voice does not help.. I enjoyed this post.. Lol @ngulumu and clementina.. Ngulumu sounds like a masquerade.. Clementina sounds like soap.. Anyway hope u have a gorgeous rest of your week lady..

histreasure said...

babe, u just kill me die wit dis post eh, u rock d pidgin well o jare..thumbs up!!

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

hilarious pidgin post, babe.

so janelle monae's album is good ehn?

SouLBoutiQue said...

You are such my person! If i make it to Yankeers in August we have to chill! NRC reunions i have had my share of bad experiences. As per Banky he has always had a chip on his shoulders even when he was in MD thinking he was bigger than Kanye before he blew up. He needs to sit down. He is aight, not Usher!

And yessir! I am officially K's PR for this Fleshtone album!! She has killed it I love 'emancipate yourself'. great fashion show tune for the future! I won't ask how you got a leaked album, lol!
Ta

Jaycee said...

"I tok say me I no fit explain am, but I just know say I be razzo..."

Ha ha ha. This really cracked me up. Lol @ the NRC reunion gist...you no be old mama jare. But I feel u...NRC is for the younglins'

ps: who in the world are those people on your amazon music list? Lol.

Jaycee said...

Ok, I know Janelle Monae...the talented singer with the big hair...I saw one of her videos some weeks back and I liked it.

Lol @ Nice Anon's comment.

bArOquE said...

nwa nnem nwanyi, Fanta na Dark Yellow oh...abi them never tell you say them don change am? ...as in eh, you razzness dey make my razzness razz...you too much joo...no mind all those aproko atlantic hall children wey dey form like say pidgin na foreign language...me 7 you suppose follow yarn one of these days make i feel the mgbekeness...ngwa, work don close, make mgbafor start to comot from here enter road...make e be later...

Ms.O said...

So i couldnt understand this post!!!! WHO WANTS TO TRANSLATE Or better yet, who wants to teach me pigdin!!!! *FUMING*

The experiences of an achiever....... said...

Mgbeke!! you don kill am o!! ah ahn!! Nne na you biko...ha! you for come the NRC events o..I no go comedy but I go parry..Banky and M.I perform..the thing dey good sha..lol @ Nice Anon! Aunty CNN..he he..how you take know wetin Kele dey do for im bedroom?

LucidLilith said...

bia ogini mere my comment?

Ms. Royal Reigns said...

I would be straight lying if I said I understood each and every word you just typed. lol. Boy, someone's gotta step up their pidgin skills *points to Ms. Royal Reigns*

Now, for the stuff I DID understand: music! I love Janelle. Caught a couple of performances here and there on YouTube. Definitely checking it out her album. And I've heard a lot of great things about Kid Sister. Another medium where you can find great music is "So You Think You Can Dance". Dead serious.

Ginger said...

If speaking Ibo and pidgin is razz, Mgbeke, you and Niceanon should be held responsible for corrupting the blogoshere. I speak more ibo on your pages than I do in real life (well except when speaking to family).

But you know what..thanks for bringing out the razz in me!

Deez said...

Your pidgin is epic sha. I almost had a hard time reading this post.

I love LMFAO. Their music is the perfect soundtrack to a night filled with drinking.

Also, if you're into Jazz then check out Esperanza Spalding.

AN IBO DUDE'S CORNER said...

u do well o...

u try no be small

as i like pidgin reach sef, i no fit type reesh like this

more oyel to ur elbow

keep it up

Anonymous said...

Sha I don miss dis ur blog ooh!,

How body? As for the Music recommendation look up Neon Trees especially their single Animals, I love it, Monae's album is on repeat steadily on my end

And honestly I no sure say u be proper,proper mgbeke or maybe I'm just as bad, as in I'd rather rap in pidgin jare, the thing the sweet, I don't know how to explain it

As for NRC mehn, I heard it was more for the as you would say "sasha fierce's in training* but you gorra holla next time ur in ny sha

Z

Brilliantly Me said...

For new music, you should look up Little Dragon. Their music is a mix of soul/r&b/electronic and none of the band members look like they would create the type of music that they do... The lead singer doesn't even sound Japanese! (not that there's a "Japanese sound" haha. I love them sha.

flourishingflorida.net said...

for someone who speaks & for dat matter writes in pigdin very often, am shocked to find myself unable to read this post! i dunno why, i just couldn't read a sentence without struggling. will try it again.

The Girl with the Red Hair said...

me i like this one, loved reading the post in pidgin, why you come add english to am, anyways you try no be small. He no easy to write for pidgin

Chi Chi said...

www.notyouraveragenaijagirl.blogspot.com New Naija Blog!!!!)

Nice Anon said...

My darling update nau *sulking*

Geebee said...

OM you never cease to crack me up with your posts. Another humorous delicacy here. On languages, actions, attitudes and cultural inclinations, the best thing is to keep things simple and be one's self. You ease a lot of pressure that way. me I like you jare. You dey keep am peachy.

RocNaija said...

Am I late?
Happy Buffday miss!!

Nonso said...

I love this post. Looking forward to your post in Igbo.

I must confess that I didn't know any of the artistes you listed. I listen to hiphop, blues, pop (MJ fan).

I'll check them out, though. can't hurt to try something new (at least in terms of music).

Keep on posting. I enjoy your blog



Taciturn Turned Talkative
http://uononso.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Ur funny< very unique and quirky writing style.

check www.woahnigeria.wordpress.com

Hilarious stuff on there. I had a right laugh.

Izzie said...

OMDaze....when i saw 'Isioma girl don see me'..i almost fainted...hehehe..how does dis chic no me...plus say she be ex abu babe..omo na im i run go find the previous post wey u talk about the Isioma and heaved a sigh as it was not me..pheweee....which abu set abeg??