Sunday, September 12, 2010

Dear Future Husband

Before I proceed, I would like to say a big THANK YOU to everyone who commented on the previous post. Thanks so much for the birthday wishes, they were so much appreciated. I'm really trying to do better with responding to individual comments...forgive me for making this a general message of appreciation. And thank you too to the Anonymous commenter for the constructive criticism, it was duly noted. :-)

Moving on to today's post...from my general Tweet observation, I have noticed the TT called #Dearfuturehusband...and I figured I'd blog it in an entire post. Much as it seems that many people think of their wedding day and all, sometimes I gotta wonder if these people extend their line of thinking to marriage in it self, and the not so easy parts of it. Sometimes I find that folks in general can be so hard to deal with, talkless of living with one individual 24/7/365...that in itself, will really take a lesson in patience and what not. So in today's blog, I shall address my #Dearfuturehusband (if marriage is meant to be in my future), and give him a heads up that I'm not as perfect as he might think that I am...hehehe.

Dear Future Husband...
1. I realize that you might have met me at your bestfriend's wedding when I was looking my hottest, killing it with my MAC 'warpaint' and wearing the heck out of that dress. And then after that, every time that you saw me, I was looking like the flyest thing ever. But heads up in advance! I do NOT look anything close to remotely hot when I wake up in the mornings. I mean, can a sister catch a break? Even Halle Berry probably doesn't wake up looking like Halle Berry. Just wanted to let you know in advance, in case you wake up one morning and wonder who snuck into your room in the middle of the night, and replaced your wife with willie willie.

2. Ideally, you'd cook and I'd clean. It's not that I can't cook, I just gotta be in the mood to cook and sadly, the mood doesn't hit me as often as it hits some of my other female counterparts. But before you pop a nerve, remember that the key word is 'ideally'...I will do everything in my power to ensure that you and the kiddies are well fed, mood or not.
PS:- You'll definitely get a big side eye, if you expect me to do all the house work, or if you come home before me and don't start dinner...like the hell?

3. Please do not mistake my confrontational attitude for a nagging one. If you do something that ain't sit right with me, I will address it. If you don't want me to see red, resist from attributing it to nagging/me trying to start a fight. Or would you rather that I continue to bottle the ish up, and then one day explode on your unsuspecting ass? Oh and I will have you know that I don't do well with letting things slide, but I am attempting to work on that.

4. According to reports, I'm a very restless sleeper who is prone to tossing, turning, sniffing, sneezing and even snoring every now and then. I just hope that you're not a light one... :)

5. I've always been the kind of girl that just enjoys and loves her space. I'm a professional single who has spent more time being single than being in a relationship, so I tell ya...this marriage thing, and learning to live, deal and consider another being won't be easy. If I trip out, every now and then...please be patient.

6. Hopefully I'll get along with your family members...I will try my best. I will admit that I'm not good at the 'sucking up' game, and can sometimes adopt the 'love me or leave me' attitude, but this is your family so I will put more of an effort in. Now let's just hope that your mother and your sisters aren't of the irritating variety 'cos that'll be a case of #Nodeal.

7. I get very easily irritated, I can be quick to catch an attitude, and I have a sharp tongue...just a heads up.

8. Some of what I will be bringing to the table in our marriage will include a shitload of shoes, clothes, and accessories. Please don't judge me, if I stay coming home with more shopping bags or else I will be forced to be one of those married women who hides the shopping bags in the trunk of her car, and sneak 'em in when you're not home. :-D

9. I'm SCARED of the whole pregnancy, childbirth process. I really am. Can we just adopt some kids and call it a day? Think of the days that you'd be spared having to making midnight runs to the grocery store to get me the latest craving of the hour...

10. I can't promise to remain slim and trim along the course of our marriage (especially if you insist on putting me through the ordeal of popping kiddies out), and if I don't then ah well. You'd better continue loving me and thinking that I am the hottest thing ever, and if I ever catch your eye or other bodily parts wandering, I have my hot oil and frying pan on standby. Consider this a warning... *Saccharine sweet smile*

All that aside, I do promise to be the best wife that I can be, faults and all. And as for you, all that I ask or beg of thee is that you promise not to take a hatchet to me, when the going gets though. Cos babe, frankly speaking...all these reports of Nigerian men killing their wives is starting to be a bit disturbing. Oh, but on the flip side...it's been a whole bunch of Igbo men, and if I had my way, you wouldn't be Igbo...

Have a great week y'all!
PS:- I miss Blogsville o, I've just/still have a serious case of 'Blogger's block'.

53 comments:

sweetandsensible said...

:) Your future husband is very lucky to know all this in advance...........@ being scared of child birth....you should be.........be afraid....be very afraid.....ive seen a number and forget TV, its traumatic. shudders........i like the babies though and so will you :)

Sugarking said...

hehehe. Egwu di o! Wait did you say igbo men are killing their wives? where? since when?

TayneMent said...

Lol..no words.

You should do part 2 of the positive tings e go enjoy.

Miss Enigma a.k.a UnderCover07 said...

Lol correct heads up. Not only shd he not carry a hatchet, but he shd try to keep his "thing" in his trousie and not wandering about town.

Vivian said...

LOL @ this post..like seriously..you have to let ol' boy know what he is benefiting na...no be for better or for worse wey we dey do?? #iamjustsayin'

ShadeNonconformist said...

I swear girl, it's like you took the words/thoughts out of my mouth and head respectively.

Amen to 2 (he better do the same),3, 5, 6(real loud amen), 7(I'm getting better though), and 9 (double amen). So on point Mbeks!

Oh and happy belated birthday:)

Nutty J. said...

relax babes....he will love you with all ur good and bad and wicked ways..

Just be prepared to love him too with all his bad, good and ugly ways.

Win- Win situation

Sisi Yemmie ™ said...

Lol. Perhaps, somewhere, somehow, your husband is writing a #dearfuturewife note :)

Evee said...

Hilarious.Hope there is a sequel to this.
LOL.Ibo men are killing their wives?

shorty said...

LMAO! I just love this post. Be ready to accept his own heads up too if he accepts yours.

cerberus said...

#DearFutureWife,
kedu mgbe anyi ga je mgba
Akwukwo n'ulo uka

WASParty said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
WASParty said...

lol. interesting read. made me smile. i be feeling this post.

Future husband needs to know!

Be ready to accept his own "heads up" note as well ;)

first time here

Ms.O said...

LOL! your #dearfuturehusband is in for it!

histreasure said...

Lmao...funny thing is Dearfuturehusband will be so ok with this and much more, yep..that's how love works!

LucidLilith said...

Dear future husband:
Welcome to the 21st century. Women have baggage. Deal with it.
Love,
The modern woman.

Luscious LU said...

He he he he! I'm sure he will be up to the task and hope you will be up to taking his in too.

1st time here...

Azazel said...

lol i loved this read

neefemi said...

lol at he wont be igbo... Goodluck

Fragilelooks said...

LMAO. IGBO MEN KILLING WIVES??? JUST HEARING THAT. GOD WILL GIVE U A GOOD MAN OK.

Ms. B said...

Wow!!! You took the words right out of my mouth!! This could possibly be one of your best pieces! So real and honest!

RepOne said...

I too gbadun you jare...talk about keeping it real but I agree with others....u suppose come do all what he shall enjoy.

Lol@LucidL

Nice Anon said...

LOL have hot grits ready! Hahaaaa

You are soo anti igbo men.. I think I am slowing jumping on that bandwagon. Bloody irritants oshi all of em. Egotistical things

leggy said...

ive never heard of the whole igbo men killing their wives oh.
lol..na wa oh for this your list.

olu said...

LMAO @ #1. Only you... Nice one...as always.

Ms. Royal Reigns said...

That was hella fun to read! But I'm with you on the killin' part. Let some dude try to lay a hand on me. Boy...

Anyaposh said...

LOL @ willie willie! you're totally honest. hahaha...

I cosign with number 10 - birthing babies is gonna make me add a few, so future hubby better not expect my boobs will remain sky high & my ass won't triple in size!

MissDaisy said...

Lol! Funny. ILike.

Olufunke said...

Lucky future husband!
LOL@'can a sister catch a break' and 'Nigerian men killing their wives'.

I enjoyed reading this.
How have you been?

Prism of an immigrant said...

hahahaa...Funny post. I get chills sometimes when i think of marriage.

http://lookingglassofanimmigrant.blogspot.com/

Omotee! said...

Waoh, i swear he'll come running! lol. very nice

itsallinmymind said...

man u are funny o,all these for ur future husband,na u biko.God will provide u with that person that will take n have u to hold n to cherish the way you are till death do u part(dats d prayer u need to say).
love d originality of ur blog,my second time here.

mizchif said...

YAY!!!!! She updated!!!!!
And 32 comments already? Na wa, odiro easy to be a star.

And pls Cerebrus which woman is teaching you Igbo?

My dear, you said it all already. I'm still hoping i will find a husband who is totally open to the idea of adoption.
I love me some Igbo men, but ehn....


To those who haven't heard about the men killing wives, i did a post on the matter about 2 yrs ago.
http://meaningfulidly.blogspot.com/2008/08/unnerving-trend.html

flourishingflorida said...

u no serious o. hahaha

marilyn said...

some girls just wish to get married,trust me when u get married and live with ur husband 4 a month,u will want to go on holidays ALONE.

island diva said...

Lol....Very funny. Hmm he'll know who u are so it'll work out. Hiding Shopping bags hahaha..hopefully that's not me in the future :)

NoLimit said...

This is not gonna kill me!
Serious heads up right thurr!
Dear future husband...BE WARNED!!! lol
nice ;)

CaramelD said...

Igbo men killing wives? *gulp*

PS You have to mention all the good stuff he will be getting to. Only fair, init?

One3snapshot! said...

first off. You're crazy!

second off. You're hella crazy!

Lmao!
-n

Chic Therapy said...

lol @ Willie willie!!!

Anonymous said...

"willie willie" had me ROLLING!!! YOU DEY CRAZE! LOL!!!

The Girl with the Red Hair said...

correct list, more like this post is describing me. Dear Fure Husband to be forewarned is to be foreharmed abi how dem take dey take the thing self.

2cute4u said...

Okay.. HEADS UP GUYSSSSS!!!

NigerianDramaQueen said...

Haha I LOVE it!
I'm not good with the letting things slide either. But I'm also scared to be called a nagger. I usually end up bottling things up... or talking to my girlfriends about it.

temiville said...

LOL!!! So funny

http://temiville.wordpress.com/

Tisha said...

Dear Husband

"I don't know why you love me but i am glad you do. God must have packaged you a special gift for me".

This is more like it for me because i know my husband will be chosen by God.

"and please i am only having three kids" lol!

honeydame said...

Lmao...infact rotflmao....from your mouth to God's ears babe...

warisblue said...

Sorry sista, I too am naija and i was trying to figure out why all des guys where killing der wives, but anyway its a mix igbo/yoruba together so ders no escaping just choose wisely and give him de respect due. Some of them kill der wife case she was cheating, another cause she thought she was running things once she finished school and started making money and on and on lol. JUST CHOSE WISELY!

franni said...

One Question, the mama tell you had a twin at birth? You sound just like me!Gimme back me!!!
Oh Razz, you are so cool.(I think I just found a new best friend).

K said...

I am exactly like you. I think I am going to copy and paste this for my future husband

debs said...

funniest but truest piece i read.as bizzare as it seems, theres actually a man that wld accept that list. there better be. lmao

Chelsey Jones said...

I too gbadun you jare...talk about keeping it real but I agree with others....u suppose come do all what he shall enjoy. Lol@LucidL

Wipfanzt said...

This is not gonna kill me! Serious heads up right thurr! Dear future husband...BE WARNED!!! lol nice ;)