Monday, November 21, 2011

Random Musings on the Single Status

I had a funny convo the other day:

Him: How long have you been single?
Me: Since XYZ
Him: Wow, you must be lonely.
Me: Actually, not at all. I quite like my solitude as a matter of fact, and I never feel lonely.
Him: Oh, please.
Me: Seriously.
Him: As humans, we need companions…
Me: No, we might want companionship but we don’t NEED companionship. We NEED air, food and water. Those are vital to our existence. As a single girl, I’m still alive and breathing…
Him: No, we need companionship and you need companionship. Man and woman are meant to be together, you need a man. How do you manage in the winter time?
Me: *Burst out laughing*…what kind of question is that? (like seriously, the hell kinda question was that???) I pay my BGE bill and can afford to turn on my heat and stay warm in the winter. Besides, man and woman are meant to be together or whatever, but it doesn't have to be right now for me.
Him: Keep it real. You know that deep down, you feel alone and need a man in your life…
Me: You know what? I’m not even going to go back and forth with you on this because regardless of what I say, you have already formed your solid opinion on this issue soooo moving on…
Mgbeke: 1. Dude: 0

If you've been reading this blog for a while or you know me, you probably know that I can voltron for the single matter die! But omo, I don dey tire to have these conversations. Everybody is convinced that every single girl out there is incomplete and lacks something in her life, and no matter the amount of self-voltroning that you try to do…folks see it as you trying to console yourself, and not keeping it 100%.
I don’t know about the other ladies on single street, but as for me…I can tell you without any element of doubt, that in my current and very singular state, I feel very fine. It’s not even something that I actually sit and think about like “Whoa. I’m single”. I just dey live my life jeje, trying to live it to the fullest, and I ain’t sweating my relationship status. Real talk.
After a long day out and about, I go home to my solo existence and I do not feel like “dagg, it would be nice to have a dude to snuggle up to” or “there is something missing in my life”. Plus, I never feel lonely. My mom expressed her concern about this once like “sometimes I worry about you, living all alone…don’t you ever get lonely?” and I said no. Much as I can be a people person, I also enjoy my solitude. I remember growing up, when I went home for summer holidays and midterm breaks, I used to look forward to weekdays when my parents would go off to work, and my siblings would find their respective square roots…leaving me, myself and I to do whatever I wanted to, undisturbed for a couple of hours. That was bliss. Years later, this hasn’t changed. I enjoy cocooning myself in my own little world aka my apartment and doing as I please…undisturbed, so why I go feel lonely?

Everybody is always trying to project their own feelings about the single state on us single babes…like ahn, ahn. You don’t see me running up to boo’ed up/married individuals like “wow, you must hate XYZ” or “you must be tired of ABC”…so all of you that like to tell us how we must feel about being single, should chill. Like I don talk…I’m good. I’m single, I’m not lonely, and as a matter of fact…I enjoy the freedom of choice that comes with being single. I do not have to answer to or consider anybody at this point. If I want to pack my load and relocate to Germany, I’m free to do it. I come and go as I please, and I’m free to just do me. I cook when I feel like it (which can be once a month), if I want to, I can sleep in for an entire weekend, and if I feel like it, I can pack up for a weekend in Vegas with the homies, just because…all na my prerogative. As everybody tries to paint the business of being single in the most negative light, like a plague that must be avoided, nobody remembers "perks" such as the ones that I stated above.
Oh, and I’ve definitely noted how a good percentage of boo’ed up/married individuals never keep it real on the commitment tip. They want you to feel like having a significant other is the ultimate and best thing that can ever happen to you...to complete your life and validate your existence on planet Earth, while they conveniently hide the fine print. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that to be single is the ultimate while it sucks to be committed but I just feel like folks are so pressed to put down the single status, and try to make us single folks feel like there is something wrong, and nobody really yarns the real koko about what goes down on the other side. They conveniently forget to tell us that relationships and commitment require work, and that it’s not always a rainbow colored bed of roses. Even the people that are miserable in their relationships want to come and feel funky on top matter. Like we will say on ndi Twitter, biko shift.

As a single 28 year old, and in more real talk, my biggest concern about the possibility of not getting married before 30 is that the later in life that I get married, the less time off I can take before having children. Ideally, I would love a 1+ year break while I swing off chandeliers with my hubby....shey you get my ring tone na!
Other than that, I do not feel the time crunch of “I gats get married before 30”. I’ve always wondered why 30 is that magic age…
Like someone on Twitter brilliantly put it, and I paraphrase… “Even if you get married at 35 and you and your husband live for 50 years, that’s a long time to be married”. And to that, I say word! We pray to God for his mercies and long life and prosperity in our marriages, so if he grants me and the hubby 50 years, that’s a long time for real. So why shall I rush? Like I always say, this marriage ehn…some people will marry and say to themselves… “So this is the marriage that I was hustling to enter”.

So, till the significant other/marriage comes, I am maximizing and making the most of my single life. Me, wey like sleep...when husband + pikins come, I won’t have that luxury o. Or the current luxury of not bothering to cook and ordering take out 4 days a week. Ahn ahn…omo I can’t take these things for granted. I’m sure some of these married women that are bouncing bomboy on their lap even look at us single ones with a tinge of envy for the total freedom that we have. Like they say, the grass is always greener on the other side. So yeah, I'm single...and so what? I'm alive, I'm kicking, I'm living a relatively good life, and I sure am staying warm...shoutouts to BGE ;)

Peaze and Love.

30 comments:

Taynement said...

nothing do you jare

HoneyDame said...

"Ideally, I would love a 1+ year break while I swing off chandeliers with my hubby....shey you get my ring tone na!"

I wan get am die?!
As in, dat part make serious sense(as well as hilarious), except in my case, I want like 3 years between them and want max 3...so there goes @ least 9-10 years devoted to changing diapers and nappies...

As a single babe by choice, rock it!
As a married babe by choice, rock it!

mizchif said...

lol @ ya shourrout to BGE.
Me i have to give my portable heater a shourrout.

Thankfully i'm not the type to engage people in some kain discussions. At this point in my life that i haven't sorted myself out i'm definitely not pressed to be co-joined to another human being. As i'm hustling to find a residency position now if them say na Minnesota abi nebraska i will pack my kaya and be on my way but if i'm not single then i'd have to worry abt what would happen to the r/ship.
Singility does have it's perks biko.
Wa wa alright.

LadyNgo said...

My own is i want to be married for a year or two before i start having kids. If i have more than one kid i want the 1st to be potty trained before i am pregnant with the 2nd. And I also want them all in college by the time i'm 50 so i can enjoy my golden years lol. But clearly that happening is a long shot since i'll be 25 next month and there's nary an fiance in sight. But i'm good. In as much as i want life to go by my plan, im in no rush and like my solitude very much.

Toinlicious said...

lol@Singility. Abeg tell em o.
Na the sleep part dey scare me cos me & sleep r inseparable o.
i have a frnd who tells me she musta been effing crazy to marry early. Only if she had known. Where ever you are and wateva u do, Singility or Marriedity, enjoy it

Anonymous said...

THIS IS ALL TALK. REALITY WILL SET IN SOON AND IN YEARS TO COME YOU WOULD BE WONDERING IF YOU ARE ACTUALLY THE ONE THAT WROTE THIS. YOU WILL ENJOY MARITAL BLISS IF YOU HAVE THE SAME MIND SE YOU HAVE NOW AT BEING SINGLE. BUT ARE YOU TELLING ME IF A SUITABLE SUITOR SHOWS UP NOW, YOU WONT JUMP AT THE OFFER OF MARRIAGE? STOP DECIEVING THE INNOCENTS O.

Mr Lonely said...

nice blog..walking here with a smile. take care.. have a nice day ~ =D

Regards,
http://www.lonelyreload.com (A Growing Teenager Diary) ..

Mwajim Al said...

*Blows kisses* I love you for posting this. Whhhooohhhoooo shoutout to BGE!!!

isha said...

That Anonymous is probably one of those "I'm not complete till I'm married" types.

If you don't have English language problems, you'd see that no one is condemning marriage or married people (you should borrow a page from that book too).

The koko of this story is that [you] people should stop making us feel like we have a disease if we're single. God has plans for our lives, we're simply enjoying/basking in the time we're at now.

And I definitely won't 'jump at' a marriage proposal, that's what desperate people do, and that's a demeaning/insulting thing to say, IMO. In all honesty, being single is just as important as being married; it's what you make of it.

#I vex small...

Ginger said...

Abeg Sista, borrow them the page from Ecclesiastes. There's a time for everything. A time to be single and a time to be double. Amen!!

Ms Nobody aka Anonymous wetin be your own??

Anonymous said...

As long as ur not sleeping with anyone's boyfriend or husband, u can b single for as long as u can

Mz.T said...

Mehn, you're patient. Even just reading that convo I was getting irritated. I woulds gone off on him... I no get patience like that.

But sisteh, nothing do you. People just don't get that some people actually like to spend time with themselves.

Pepperz said...

My dear sista, I dey gbadun your blog no be small. I always wait for the latest entry, but babe, you take style delay this one o, your superfan dey miffed small!

Anyways on this topic you have spoken well. When I was 22 I got engaged for the 1st time, he broke it off and I thought i was going to die, but in hindsight , he did me a favour. "nd engagement was at 25, I broke it off and for good reasons and I'm glad I'm not married to him either.

I'm 35 and finally the sence that wasn't common to me has reached me. I'm running around trying to finish off my bucket list before getting married because even though I get the 'not married yet' slur at least once a week; I'm glad that I know who I am and what I want. I have good friends, a very loving church and finally the kind of relationship I've been wanting with God.

I KNOW for certain that if I had been married at any of those times, I would either be divorced now, dying by degrees inside or accepting to live life by the shorter straw. Yeah, I may have had kids but that would have been my only fulfilment.

Whatever it is, let us be able to say when we get married 'I enjoyed my single years, I have nothing to lament for now I'm with you, now for me , you're enough'

Deep Soul said...

Lol@swinging off chandeliers!

Say na you be Tarzan girl abi ? :-D

LohiO said...

I have told you before that you inspire me. This is why! I love that you do not see the need to rush into something just because. Please keep doing you!

Third World Profashional said...

Lol, my dear you talk am. Both sides have their pros and cons but it seems like people make being single out to be almost some sort of crime. That line about "how do you manage in the winter" is honestly the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, like if you don't have another human in bed with you you'll freeze to death? me that I kuku hate cuddling and like my space when I'm sleeping, I manage fine when its cold. Don't mind them jare, ndi iberibe.

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

Boys that talk like that should be shot, or at least slapped upside the head.

And as a mother who popped them out back to back, yes, ideally you want some time in between to swing form the chandeliers. But babe, you know God laughs at those of us that make grand plans, shebi?

No worries, he will come, your babies will come, all success due to you will come and as for the chandeliers? Una go swing tyah and if they break..well there will be new ones to repeat on.

Stay well, my sista

Omotee! said...

He should marry u off then, abi wetin cause d wahala???

i am married and know one thing for sure: marriage dont complete you. Nobody completes you.

of cos we like companionship etc but abeg, singlehood is not a disease jor. i rocked it and i am glad i did.

ps
so funny d word to verify is hysess, lol cos i actually hissed!

Anya Posh said...

wow. this post is full of sensibility. people will always have an opinion about your status. but the naysayers and wanna-be-hooker-uppers need to fall back because it's not a race and everybody's time is different.

enjoy life, take it easy.

Myne Whitman said...

We're all different, and even married, I still enjoy my solitude. Marriage is not the important thing, it is the person you partner with.

ShadeNonconformist said...

Lmao @ "Man and woman are meant to be together, you need a man. How do you manage in the winter time?"

To think that the dude actually thought he was spewing "knowledge" out of his mouth...or is it hands..or ass....shio...

All i gotta say is Mgbeks, please preach this s*** abeg...word to the last paragraph & swinging on chandeliers....:)

I swear this post made my night...

Thank you..

Stella Kodi said...

lol...that's a funny convo, sounds like my weekly explaination to baffled strangers...ppl do mix up the want and needs all the time

lovely blog btw...

U go dey okay said...

dearie, i hope you meet that oga that will make you change your perception :)

SHE said...

I get your ring tone on all angles babe!

Sometimes I think its the people who are unhappiest in marriage that advocate it the most. Out of spite or envy or whatever.

In any case, everyone has their timetable. Trying to work with other people's template is a sure recipe for disaster!

Nefertiti said...

I am laffing my yoruba market woman laff right about now with that yeye convo. Like, is that dude for real? Nonsense and jagbajantis!

Marriage completes no man o! And I still love my solitude as a married mom of 2.

Enjoy urself jare, my sister.

Gbemisoke said...

So if you marry because of cold winter nights, what will you do if your husband is half way around the world like mine is ATM.

Marriage is fun, if you've got a great guy who gets you and you guys get along great, but it's not all fun and games. It's hard work and there are those times you wish you could just get up and go, you know, like hop on a plane sans strollers, diaper bags and things...

Don't let anyone rain on your parade jare. Do you. Chandelier swinging, toe touching acrobatics and all...

chungchi said...

The truth is the average today's woman is free-spirited and the average nigerian marriage leaves small room for individuality. i 'll keep saying tho that the major pragmatic advantage of marriage is the warmth from thoser fights that happen between the bedsheets..... @shoutout to BGE ,that had me laffin like crazy. In naija, where wuld u‎​ see BGE?? Except u‎​ plan to roast ur ass on a kerosene stove....fuel don cost sef.
Not 2 be judgemental but i think 4 most single ladies, the shoutout shld go to vibrators, dildos and their middle fingers. Single women are the main cause of increase in the rate of conji among guys and in d price of Vaseline. Shout out to PZ industries!!!

Anonymous said...

I gotta say though, I sometimes wonder what city you live in, that folks are always pestering you about the "single" or "not single" situation.

In my little corner of the world here in Minnesota, happiness seems to be the key, who cares if you are single, married or not? As long as you are doing something that makes you happy, except of course you equate being married to happiness.

I do love your blog tho. Ride on sister.

Gentrified bloke

Mercedes said...

Word!

myheartlongsthesea said...

Don't rush dear. Mr. Right will come at the right time. For the meantime live life to the fullest and enjoy!


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