Wednesday, October 31, 2012

How Judgmental Are You?

I’m one of those people who always prides herself on how open minded and liberal I am in my views and general perception of the world. But in the recent days, I've realized that I am just as judgmental as they come. Granted, I don’t judge the typical things that most people judge but still...I do quite a bit of judging. In no particular order, here are a couple of things that I judge by default:

1. Grocery store purchases: As much as you might see me tweet about how I just wolfed down a bacon, egg and cheese on a croissant or a big ol’ burger and fries at McDonald's  I actually have a guilty conscience when I go grocery shopping and so I tend to fill my cart with all the right stuff i.e. Fruits, veggies, water, wheat bread and all the good and healthy stuff that the fitness magazines instruct you to purchase. This also gives me some sense of superiority and allows me to shamelessly judge innocent citizens of the grocery store, who fill their carts with the bad stuff like ice cream, processed foods, frozen dinners and candy. This is a serious case of living in a glass house and throwing stones ‘cos I am the world’s biggest junk food-a-holic but hey, who says that life has to be fair? So odds are that if I’m standing behind you in line at the cash register, I am analyzing your purchases and judging the heck out of you. You have been warned.

2. Ratchetness: Who doesn't judge ratchetness? Heck I’m sure that even ratchet people judge their fellow ratchet people. Allow me feel all superior and on top of my A game as I judge your multi-toned weave, blue contacts, claw-like acrylic nails, and every other thing that makes you ratchet.

3. Eyebrows: Someone on my Twitter timeline has tweeted this in the past: “You can tell how razz an individual is from her eyebrows” and I definitely cannot disagree. Ninety nine percent of the of the time, razz eyebrows = razz individual. Granted, razz is the new cool and things, but can I still judge? My friend used to upload daily BBM pics of his girlfriend with some catdamn maroon penciled in eyebrows and I used to low-key judge her. Thankfully she has gotten hip to the game and is no longer about that life. The Lord be praised.

4. Lazy asses: If you’re one of those cats who takes the elevator one floor up or down i.e. from the 10th floor to the 11th floor, I’m definitely judging your lazy azz.

5. People who wear Sunshades indoors/in the reception hall on their wedding day/at night: Need I say more? You look like a clown. Judged.

6. Weaves: This one might get more than a few eye rolls but you know what? I have a love/hate relationship with weaves. Yes, they supposedly up your ‘hmmph factor’, and I can’t front…some people look very glam and well packaged with them. On the flip, I feel that a lot of women over-rely on weaves. People like to give the “convenient and easy to maintain” excuse which is all well and good, but can we see your own God-given hair be it permed or natural like once every 365 days? And dayum even if you insist on weaving it up 24/7/365, must it be 72 inches long and so catdayum horsehair looking?? Judged.

7. Unnecessary Effizy: You went to the club, popped $1,000 worth of drinks and twit-pic’d the receipt? Judged. You bought a new range and created a Facebook album to inform the world of this purchase? Judged. You’re buying out and getting buried in the Gucci sto’ and had to post a tweet to inform the world? Judged. The truest effizy boys and girls are the ones who do all of the above and don’t consider any of that stuff to be a big deal.

That’s all for now folks. If you fell into any of the above the words of 2baba "One love my people". Soooo, what do you people judge? I’m all ears (abi eyes).

PS: - Hope y’all doing good. How did my East coasters hold up during Hurricane Sandy? All well and good, I hope.

Peace & Love.


Taynement said...

You choose to wear tight skirt/dress/pants and wear full on panties and assault my eyes with visible panty lines - judged.

Bragging under the guise of humility - judged.

Eating pizza with fork and knife - judged

The judgements don't have to make sense, right? :D

Tobechi Daniel said...
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Tobechi Daniel said...

Eating pizza with fork?That is a funny one. LOL.I have to see that one.
Lovely blog here Mgbeke, always something to read.

Third World Profashional said...

I'm the one being judged for my grocery purchases, I consider ice-cream to be breakfast.

Judge away biko, no cares given here.

Speaking really loudly in foreign accents in Nigeria - judged

Wearing full on outfits eg tiny skirts and heels to the airport - judged

Always answering questions in class - judged judged judged


Anonymous said...

Speaking in locally acquired foreign accent. Judged.

Always updating every minuscule detail of your life on social media. Judged.

Always forming you're all that and a bag of chips when we know ur story. Judged

9jaFOODie said...

Lmao... this is funny stuff. IYAH! I shouldnt even start on the things that I judge... hahahah.. the main man calls me "Judgemental".

Anonymous said...

Tattoos .some tattoos are just plain razz.
Dressing/full on outfits .u wear blazer and glitter heels to midweek service...

SHE said...

Women who eat too much in public. Judged!

Girls who wear 'party clothes' to work. Judged!

Sabirah said...

wearing shoes with 3inch platforms - Judged
Speaking loudly on the phone - Judged
I'm with you on that weave matter - Judged!!!
I'm with Thirdworldprofashional on the accents too- ugh

miss e said...

Girls who wear hooker heels to work under the guise of Casual Friday - judged

I'm with Third World Profashional on the accents, too annoying.

Miss Feferity said...

Please be aware, if you are radio presenter or TV presenter, or infact, if you are a human being who decides to embellish your Nigerian accent with some foreign razz-sounding thing, I WILL JUDGE YOU!

Zena said...

Eyebrows that look like you used tar to pain those road signs on,

Locally acquired foreign accents-judged!

Nne! How are you? Waving excitedly back

Toinlicious said...

I like to think of myself as the non-judgy type too and but u just broke my heart. SO i am judgy, er, what else is new.

I'm judging that eyebrow. I just kent deal.

Did you say horsehair looking? Try lion's mane. Judged!!!

Unnecessary efizzy is just bleh

LohiO said...

Haha like Tayne...humble bragging.... judged!!!!!

Eating with mouth open...judged!!!

Engaging in twit-fights....judged!!!!

Over the top makeup....judged!!!!


Ginger said...

Wearing clingy dresses when your belly looks pregnant...judged

gbagun sprinkle status updates......judged

p.s. I eat pizza with fork and knife in restaurants o.

Anonymous said...

Nice Anon: Being grossly and morbidly obese. Judged!
People who say "stuffs" "am" automatic illiterate in my book.. Judged!
People who are always chumming it up with everyone on social media. So fake! Judged!
Comments on blogsville where someone is drinking heavy panadol ontop matter wey no consign am like " Oh I'm so upset for you girll" biko find somewhere and perch well. Even if na your elder sister? Chill judged!

Iskminov said...

LOOOOOOOOOL!!! Judging people is like the easiest thing to do sometimes 'cause it can often be a subconscious act. But "am" is in the bible o! LOOOOL! TRIPS. Pls, who knows where I can get original gucci stuffs in Nigeria? Am really anxious to get some for this girl I like. PEACE! :D

air-mecca said...

Wall huggers in the club. Why are u scoping others and occupying space? -

Financial analysts abi investment bankers who discuss Wall Street abi Stock Fish trading at informal gatherings and parties. Abeg collect ticket and park well! - Judged

"Can you lend me $100 and forget-to-repay" fellas. Chineke di involved! - Judged

Living paycheck to paycheck yet posing with Hertz car rental @ Naija Reunion. God is watching you in 3D. - Judged and condemned!

mizchif said...

Ive accepted that i'm a Judgina, and i sit on my stool with pride.

Plenty grammatical errors in your typing, speech? Judged +++
Too many smileys in your bbm name? Judged
Waist length weave? Judged ++
Colored contacts? Judged+
Young and very overweight? Judged++
Smoker? Judged+++
Squeezing into obviously tight clothes? Judged++

See this list is by no means exhaustive but this just goes to show how terrible i am.
Feel free to judge me too :)

Myne Whitman said...

Don't know whether it was the post or comments that was funnier.

Me? I'm judging all of you. LOL...

Havilah Luxuries said...
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Havilah Luxuries said...

Hah! OM this was one funny post.

NikkiSho said...

LOL! i'm guilty. lmao @ i'm judgina

Coy~Introvert said...

Lmao hahahahaha Omg. The grocery store one, I double judge! "You're getting ice cream and u're this big already!!"

Answering questions in class and laughing with the prof - judged(x100)

Your foundation does not blend into your hairline - judged!!!

You attend all the events ever made in your city and beyond - judged!!!

A young man with pot belly - Judged!!!!!!!

Shoe game below average - judged!!!

Tights abi leggings with camel toes - Your judgement would have continuation sef.

Or is it the locally acquired foreign accents, I better stop here!!! because e plenty.

Anonymous said...

Oniru/elegushi/silverbird loading - judged

Artificial lashes that makes one look like a cross between human and animal - judged

Lovey mushy details of your relationship life on BBM or twitter (blame it on me being single) - judged

If you use all those calligraphic rubbish used to substitute words on BBM - judged

Ass kissing - judged

Adura Ojo (Naijalines) said...

Hahahaha. This post cracked me up. Plus Ginger's "gbagun sprinkle status updates." Yup, judged.

I eat pizza with a knife and fork in restaurants too. Beats eating rice with a spoon...judged.

I can feel a post coming on. Thanks for the inspiration:)

LamiT said...

LOL so true!!!
Pulling down a short dress--hmmn so u had no clue it was short before?.Judged!

aeedeeaee said...

if na judging be this, na im be say nwanne gi bu a daggam judgemental lassie.

1. I can see thine butt-crack//Judged
2. You wear tight pants and I see even the slightest hint of a camel toe//Judged
3. You type things like "nau" "todae" "av" "boi" etc//Judged
4. We hang out and pictures of me are on FB or Twitter seconds later//Judged
5. Constantly updating your foursquare including loo-xploits//Judged
6. Using those stupid-azz fonts on BBM or anywhere else//Judged
7. Sending me an email in textspeak...hmmmph!///Judged!!!!
8. Sending dumbazz broadcasts//Judged and deleted!
9. Telling me "api buffdai" or "HBD, MHR"//Judged and...!!

*nacks gavel*

Beulah! said...

Nne, im so with u on nos 3,4,5,and 7. biko, people who join elevator from one floor to the immediate one i just dont understand. It is most annoying when u r running late urself!

Always love ur posts!

Northern Girl said...

Lol really true observations! I am a recovering Judgina too :)

Anonymous said...

This is freaking hilarious!!! Em... would it be safe to assume that you would find me extremely adorable, since I didn't make any of the list? :)

Anonymous said...

Can I just say that I will judge anyone who uses fork or spoon to eat eba, amala or pounded yam? No matter what part of the world you find yourself. Whenever I see anyone doing that, first word that comes to my mind is "Sell out"!!!

Anonymous said...

Went to the UK to study for a year, worked for another 2, came back with a British accent? Judged

You think P-Square are the greatest Nigerian artistes of all time? Double judged.

You love BBM but hate Whatsapp? Judged