Wednesday, April 6, 2016

For Petty People Who Do Not Know How To Let Things Go

This one is for us.

I’m one of those people who considers herself to be pretty self-aware.  I know my strengths and I know my weaknesses in equal amounts.  I try not to live in denial about who I am and will gladly tout both my strengths and weaknesses if asked.
In that token, I have to acknowledge/confess that one of my biggest weaknesses is my petty, unforgiving, I will hold a grudge and remember your matter nature.  Back in the day it was called “keeping malice”, haha.

For some reason, when I was younger I lived in self-deception thinking that I was quick to forgive. All lies. I think that as I grew older, I started to realize that although I was cool or had supposedly moved past old hurts from my “enemies” (as I secretly think of them as), I still was not over whatever it was that they did. For instance, for the longest time,  I held a slight grudge against an ex for breaking up with me 2 days before my  birthday AND not buying me the red Blackberry that I was supposed to get for my birthday gift. Hellooooo, Blackberrys were the rage then and I was supposed to be part of the cool kids club but it wasn’t even about the gift, it was more about the principle.
Who breaks up with someone right before their birthday??? Needless to say, It’s been well over many years and we “moved past it” but I haven’t completely forgotten his matter. I’m going to remember to point him out to my kids in 15 years and say “You see that uncle over there? He pissed me off in 19 gbogboro and I haven’t forgotten so don’t greet him and don’t play with his kids!” *chuckles*...I keed, I keed.

In the same token, I think I hold grudges against 90% of the men in my past. Ironically, we never even had crazy bitter endings and if I currently relate with any (which is rare ‘cos I generally believe that exes = Ex-communication), then we are at least cordial. But none of them should expect me to save them if we were combating world hunger and I had an extra piece of bread *evil laugh*
If I have to be honest, I will admit that I secretly or not so secretly hold these grudges because for the most part they were the ones to do the rejecting in one form or the other, and another major weakness that I have is my pride/ego. Like ehnnn, you want to reject a whole ME??? Do you know who I am?? But that's another post for another day...

Speaking of ex-communication, this totally works for petty people like me. I remember one of my coworkers crying about some dude who had wronged her and I was like wellll I hope you’ve blocked him off every form of social media, deleted his number, and if possible deleted his existence from his life…and she said nope. I was confused, as for me this would so be the default thing to do. Delete, delete, delete.  I used to date this other guy who was every thoughtful and did nice things like make a CD of “our songs” (how cute), and some other kain nice gifts. When things abruptly ended, I broke the CD and tossed all his gifts in the trash. I want absolutely no reminders of you sir. Now be gone while I try to move on. And best believe he will definitely not get a piece of bread if he was dying and I had the last
Disclaimer: If na expensive gift i.e. phone, bag, shoes….honey, you can remind me anytime!

Men and their matters aside, my “I remember your matter” attitude is generally equal opportunity to the sexes.  A friend of a friend pissed me off in 2004, we got into a screaming match, and now it’s 2016 and I still don’t like her ass based on that incident. I doubt I ever will.

I’m sure most of us have experienced those friends who have coded certain things that happened in their lives – new job, engagement, baby on the way etc. I’ve definitely made a mental note of all those types of people and have oh so pettily planned that when my own celebration comes in any shape or form, I will treat their misbehavior. Oh, you waited 6 months to tell me that you were having a baby? Best believe that when it’s my turn, you won’t even hear PIM from me until a friend of a friend tells you about the baby’s christening (you won’t even hear about that from me sef).  My general mantra is = treat people as they treat you, and if you have to, go above and beyond in showing them pepper.

In this journey of pettiness, I’ve had a lot of well-meaning people advise me to “be the bigger person” and “just let it go. And I just want to say that I don’t think people realize the true and legit struggle that it is for a petty person like me to be the bigger person and let things go. Whaat? Impossicant! I want to plan how to deal with my offender’s f-up. I want to fantasize about their downfall. When I'm truly in that zone, I have absolutely no desire to embrace maturity and let things go.
In my opinion sef, maturity and calm is so overrated and doesn’t get people very far anyway. Why do you think crazy, bitchy people stay winning in life? Hmm hmm.

Aniwoos, I can’t say that I’m working on this character flaw of mine, cos the truth is that I’m not. I think I was born petty and will die petty and it is what it is. To people who can truly live life without bearing grudges and remembering people’s matter, I doff my hat to una o. That’s definitely an admirable trait in this world that we live in.

And that is all she said.

17 comments:

coverallsand lipstick said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
taynement said...

this was funny. sometimes i wish i were petty but like you said as you were born with it, I think i was born with it and I don't know where to buy it from.

taynement said...

that was meant to say *born without it

Musingsofjudgejudyjudy..... said...

Lol!
I'm totally different from you in that I can easily "be the bigger person" and forgive a slight very easily but there are lots of instances where I'll just stay in my lane and forget a person exists: the thing with me then is that ONCE the person reaches out to me for whatever reason at all, all the malice becomes water under the bridge, lol.

I nodded my head when you wrote that you "used to live in the self deception that you forgave easily" simply because I read a post of yours from way back over the weekend about a wedding and three ex-es that attended and you seemed to be the chick that maintained a cordial friendship with her ex-es so this your take now na 360 nwuari, lol.

I don't have love for ex-es though..... as a matter of fact, do I even have ex-es?
It's your word against mine biko....

Anonymous Chick said...

From your writings, you actually come across as someone who could easily let things go. I guess you are a principled person and the manner esp in which people handle things such as breakups, unecessary secrets etc put you off because that is not who you are or the petty manner you would handle things.

However, I believe if people were to be civilised and apologetic about doing certain things as the examples you gave, you wouldn't hold on to grudges. I honestly don't think you are petty I just think you are principled and have little patience for people with bs.....

yujubee said...

Lol. I'm am easily forgiving, but I like to pay back. My husband says I am vengeful, which I vehemently disagree ( I get angry when he says that)with. Hey its just letting the person know or feel how it is to hurt when they did what they did. But yea, I can't keep malice for long.and I will remind you.
I can't say that I have excess I'm mad at, I was either doing the living or taking responsibility / blame.

yujubee said...

Lol. I'm am easily forgiving, but I like to pay back. My husband says I am vengeful, which I vehemently disagree ( I get angry when he says that)with. Hey its just letting the person know or feel how it is to hurt when they did what they did. But yea, I can't keep malice for long.and I will remind you.
I can't say that I have excess I'm mad at, I was either doing the living or taking responsibility / blame.

LohiO said...

This post made me laugh so much!! I am not petty at all because i do not like keeping grudges but I am so quick to delete people. I am quick to forgive and unlike you, I would share my last bread with the person but I can never allow us to be friends again. Like never. I just don't like people to hurt me so I just eliminate all possibilities for that to happen again. sigh! Not working on mine either! :D

Shadenonconform said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shadenonconform said...

Too funny yo.. I can totally totally relate...

Not too long ago, petty.com/I will surely treat your fuck up was my middle name. However, I am learning to let things go... It's not easy but baby steps..

To be fair, I notice that when i stop being petty.com I am more at peace with myself. All the anger/hate I have is greatly reduced. However, even though the offender may never get the opportunity to be in my life again (and believe me you will know because I will make it clear), I notice I am still cordial. I just don't forget... Per having to offer bread if there's world hunger, i may.... Atink.... :)

Berry Dakara said...

Madam, come here. Do you know what we talked about in church today? Forgiveness!!!!! Oya, call all your exes and tell them Berry said you should forgive them, so they're forgiven.

*this is coming from someone who still holds a grudge from 20 years ago*

I obviously need to buy the CD from today's service. :p

Vivi N. said...

This post was hilarious. I'm not petty by nature but if you cross me, I'll be that petty person. Easily. But it takes a while for someone to cross me. I can forgive and forgive and let shit slide for the longest. But, you know, everyone has a breaking point. Unfortunately, I don't sound an alarm of when the breaking point comes. I just pretend you don't exist and won't share my last bread with you.

Look, I'm still laughing when you mentioned you broke the "Our Songs" CD. HAHAHA. You couldn't have just trashed it in one piece. Nope. You went further and broke it into pieces in dramatic fashion. I can't.

MPB said...

This was a true original mgbeke post. Absolutely had me cracking up! I just love how you own up to you.

Neuyogi

Bee said...

I am dying of laughter from this post 1. Because my job finally unblocked blogger/blogspot on their computers and 2.) Because this post is so me. I tell my sister every time, I am PettyWap, Petty Bop, Petty LaBelle, Petty Crocker. I am all kinds of petty and I do not forget. I will remind you of the exact day and time you wronged me. I mean I can be cordial and say hello, but I will always remember your offense and remind you ever so often. And like you, I am quick to block and delete numbers.

Femiluv said...

Found my petty twin. Glad to know I'm not alone in the petty society.

Wordstosay said...

Lmao at pointing him out to your kids in 15 years'time. You're a case! I've been reading your blog for years and I comment anonymously sometimes, well I finally have a blog ID now (and a blog).

Deep Soul said...

I'd like to say I'm one of the angels God has blessed the earth with and I'm as unpetty as unpetty can be EXCEPT in the following situation:

I have a baby and you don't call to congratulate me or visit me. Ahhh! I will never ever never never forgive you! I just cannot get over someone who will not share in my joy of welcoming a child. I know it is not by force. But if you dont identify with me, that's the end. I will never take you seriously as a human being anymore.

Says the queen of "unpettiness". Lmao!