Monday, December 8, 2008

Facebook Sins

This post is inspired by a previous discussion on FaceBook annoyances...

Identify your sin as I list them, pray for forgiveness and promise not to do that chit again!!!

FB Sin #1:- Those damn status updates
A lot of you are guilty of this one. I do not need to know that you just took a dump, or that you just had a great and marvelous orgasm but thanks to FB, I be assailed with this foolishness. 'Abiola just took a great big shit', 5 mins later..'Abiola is wiping her ass'. Like really?
Stop the madness peoples.
I must confess that I stay hating on people who constantly update us with their travel tales. 'Chinemerem is in Jamaica', 'Chinemerem is on her way to China'. If you aint bringing me no gifts from your little vacay then I don't want to know, world traveler!!!

FB Sin #2:- 'Photo albums'
I put Photo albums in quotes because you really can not create some album with 5 pictures and call it a cat damn photo album. Put that chit in your profile pics or something, or better yet wait till you compile about 15 more pictures then you may now create a real photo album. Imagine
me happily balancing to view pics only to cut short at pic #5...? I'm just saying...

FB sin #3:- Burning my cable
Ladies, Ladies, Ladies. Y'all need to STOP burning my cable on FB. Do you not be reading wedding websites when awon boys dey yarn say dem meet wifey on top facebook? It is not a game o. I can not take a picture with some random dude without some oversabis coming to comment with an 'Awwwwwwwwwww'. Chei! Na in bobos go see this 'awwwwwww' and now think that me and ole boy in the pic are an item, not knowing that ole boy got his wifey at home and I'm just borrowposing. If bobo had been scoping me, this 'awwwwww' will not make him take 2 steps back and my love story in the making will be wrap! Abeg o, I carry God bed una...stop burning my cable.

FB sin #4:- Uploading pictures senselessly.
What is up with folk who do this? Just be uploading pictures without even looking through them all for the sake of having 1 million albums on facebook. And of course the scapegoats like me have to suffer for this. It was cool that you took the pic of me nodding off and drooling or the one where I woke up and I had the dried crust on my mouth but do you really have to put that chit on FB just for the sake of having an album up AND have the nerve to tag me? Take your time o! A word is enough for the wise.

FB sin #5:- Those damn applications.
Why do you have all the cat damn application on your page? Don't you know that that chit is unneccessary and just plain foolish? Be there acting like one Johhny just come wey never see internet before. Oh and you really really need to stop inviting me to add the applications too. What the hell is a Vampire application? Or which Harry Potter broom are you? Y'all need to stop!

FB sin #6:- Those damn events in Mississipi
...or Cancun, or Lagos or wherever. I understand that promoters are lazy and they just wanna invite everyone on thier lists but seriously? I look like I live in Mississipi?? Stop that chit, it annoys me. And you decline the yeye event, yet somehow these folk stay blowing up your inbox on some countdown chit...talking about '5 more days till the biggest event of the year'. Lawdy Lawd...make it Stop!

FB sin #7:- Those stupid names.
You know the names... Abiola 'Letmeupgradeyoubaby' Oyegbami or Chinemerem 'Nooneonthecornergotswaggerlikemine' Okoro. I mean...seriously?!?!?!?!

FB sin #8:- Individuals with zero social skills.
...or maybe I'm just extra polite, but if I add you to my friends list, especially if I haven't seen you in a long long while, I always make it a point to say something like 'Hi, hello'. Shoot, you will add me and I will still say hi, hello but no o...Individuals with zero social skills no fit even reply the hi, hello. And you know they be on FB cos they be writing on erryone's walls/commenting on erry pic. So you add me to your list ni? Oohhhh I get it, you just want to look at my pics yeah? Oya now, I get your drift, no shakings...

FB sin #9:- Writing all kinds of foolishness of my wall.
C'mon folk! It's a wall for crying out loud, how you gon' come up in there with all this public information? What happened to my message inbox for privacy's sake? Some people really lack the desired number of brain cells. I'm just saying...

FB sin #10:- You no tact having negros/negras.
Uh uh, you sabi una selves o. Always commenting on people's pictures on some 'you added weight o, what happened, you used to be fine'. Infact recently, I read a comment where someone had said 'You need to stop eating those hamburgers' and I really was like WTF. Infact I am the self appointed, voltron and defender of the people who are subject to these comments so If i catch any of y'all na to put you on blast. Uh uh!

And while we are on the topic of Facebook, may I add that it absolutely amuses me how people wan do love in tokyo on top facebook on some Chimamanda is in a relationship with John, complete with pictures, wall to wall sex and what not. Check back 2 weeks later and tori don change...Hahahahahahah! Ok, let me stop before someone accuses me of being a jealous hater. :-D

Have a good week darlings.

30 comments:

NigerianDramaQueen said...

Girl you are so on point!
*I dont understand how people can put all their business on facebook. One of my married friends lets us know when she misses her period and thus may be expecting, when she visits her obgyn, etc....im like really?!
*When I see people with one billion applications im like...do you have a life? On the real facebook be doing some extra stuff now...God knows how many application requests I have...I dont even bother.
*Lol@ people with 5 pictures in an album...I have a friend that puts up 1 picture and im thinking..do you know the definition of album?!
*And stop hating on Chimamanda and Chimeremen (sp?) cuz I'll soon be updating my status to: 'NDQ is going to Nigeria in xx days:-)'...LOL

Temite said...

LOLLING LOLLING LOLLING!!!!!!!!!!!!
Omo that was tew funny. I carry God to beg u, makuna no kill pesin wif all this funnie torie o.
Seriouly, you are so on point.

wordsmith said...

lmaoooooo SO TRUE hehehehe

kmplx said...

LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!! Am going to get fired!! Niiiiiiiiiiiiiice one!!

Afrobabe said...

lmao...babes...I actually took down my facebook profile recently....the real one oh...Omo...I left that page like I left my blog for 2 months and the kind of messages I met on my wall pass power....

Has.....died from too much sex?
Has.....eloped with a married man?

I cant even begin to tell u wettin happen for there...

Then the travel update has had my friends and I in stitches for some time now...infact I am begining to think I know u cos we were just laughing about even being told when they are in the plane with oyibo...oya talk true...we know each other??

Aima said...

So on point! roflmao! woo lawd, i so agree wiv everything...esp the last point, when they break upthen they try to keep it hush hush...lol

Ms Sula said...

The Facebook Etiquette:
Razz may be the new cool...
But these are not!

Written and published by The One and Only Original Mgbeke.

Make sure to cope your copy! Sold everywhere Facebook is used!

*you're way too funny for your own good... Lol!!!*

JJ said...

lo, i totally feel you mehn! It ridiculous how people act on FB. My jaw stays dropped when i see some stupid stuff on there.
Yea the Lola"imhottathanyou" Williams piss me off!

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

too funnyyyyyyy..

NaijaBabe said...

Point....those damn staus changes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the albums...one album with 60 pictures that look like an animation. you blink one eye, then the next picture, you blink the other...as in WTF???

princesa said...

OMG!
You cracked me up real good with this post.

I definitely need to be reading you more often. You are a trip,lol!

Will be back.

Ms.O said...

hahahahaha I see your NaijaRyder!!!that was a funny thread!!!....Loves it!!

AnyaPosh said...

LOL!!! is someone jealous about Chinemerem's trip to Jamaica?! hehehe

And yes, I feel you on the uploading thing. One of my friends just added a whole bunch of shit to facebook that were clearly indecent exposures! I mean, in one photo you could almost see someone's nipples becus of the top she was wearing & then the sweaty club pictures...disgusting. Then roadside vomit when people binge drink double ewwww!!!

I always hated those applications, like the one 'Tobi has bitten you, Bite her back'. 'Nkechi has hugged you, hug her back'. The stupidity of it all...

And the events...hehehe. I live in canada, it's the middle of friggin winter. Dont be inviting me to beach parties in friggin florida! That's a no-no, no taunting!

Yeah..those damn silent add requests. You say hi, you wish them happy birthday. When you check ur wall-to-wall you see that u're the only one making effort to keep in touch. USELESS IDIOT!!!!

LOL & the relationship tug-o-war is pure jokes. Bisi & Tunji are listed as in a relationship. Bisi is listed as Single. Tunji status message "Good riddance!". Bisi status message "How can I breathe with no air...". Then after 4 days, Bisi & Tunji are listed as in a relationship. STUPIDITY!!!!

I didn't edit this response. There may be errors. Get over it!!!

AnyaPosh said...

kai...that post was long. ah well..

ChiefO said...

all thats left if for them to supply us with their bank account numbers and wat not. come to think of it that might be a lot more useful than, "biola says tunji just broke up with her and she is crying"

oloshious fellows

Buttercup said...

ROTFL!!!!!

u r hilarious..but u r on pint sha..

1st time here!

Buttercup said...

point*

Beulah! said...

Very correct!..u don talk wetin dey my mind since...keep it up!

LG said...

buhahahahahahahahaha e be like say na only me no sabi werin dis
FACE BOOK kini be o :)
*compliments of d season

Zena said...

Mgbeke, you don craze, lol but it was funny, and true

Dorah said...

Man, Only Nigerians would be so pressed over facebook. We are too phucken nosy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I deactived my account.
I'm free.
I'm free.
It's a damn good feeling too.

bArOquE said...

you're just a jealous hater...LOL...all you facebookers would know what she's on about...my 2cents, facebook would more likely break than make a relationship...be warned...keep it simple & follow the rules, as stated by the only Original Mgbeke!

Emeka Amakeze said...

I will let you know when i have up to fifteen pictures facebook.

olu said...

#1 is annoying.
Couldn't care less about #'s 2, 4, 7 & 10.
LOL @ #3.
Feel you on #8. It sucks how ppl can't reply a simple Hi, or Hello, be it on Facebook, or anywhere else.
I scream bloody murder whenever #9 happens - and it happens more often than not.
The last paragraph happens had me rolling on the floor.

Razz is the new cool. That's so true, and I love it.

TY Tha Mos Magnificent said...

ha! ha! ha! ha! LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!! Am on facebook but sum pple need 2 go to fuckin rehab, damn!!!!

Anonymous said...

Ok seriously, I was just about to ask you if I could guest blog on this subject , cos DAYUMMMMMMMMMM!!!, my own is that every child on fb is cute and every couple is cute and looks good together, and every girl is hot….seriously, u be seeing some questionable kids, couples and girls on fb and the comments men!!, “girl, you look divine!, fine girl, no pimples (when clearly her face and back have been ravaged by pimples). ….

And the albums ….geez, “my boo and I in turkey/Jamaica/LA/Winnipeg and Seychelles May 08”, girl just the flights to all those places will take you at least 3 months, so clearly ya’ll don’t have jobs or sum’n and how r u really paying for these trips….

The whole thing has gone a bit high school for me…and I do feel you on the 5 pics in an album bit….pretty funny

And please what does “its complicated” mean, I mean really WTH, and why u gotta update ur status every 2 minutes, as in really , and then does anyone in the world really have 1,014 friends, I mean really , come on now

Ok vent over

simplegal said...

LMAO...I have missed you oh! You are still as funny as ever! I confess I have been guilty of 1,3& 5 at some point in my FB journey. I particularly hate 8 9 & 10! Especially the ignorant folks who think it's cute to show some 'concern'...what is this foolishness of someone coming to write on my wall "you have gained SO much; when I talked to you you even sounded fat." WTH?

Third World Profashional said...

LOL! the names are the funniest ones, but i swear fb is entertaining. people just dont know how to keep their shit on the dl

Chi-Chi said...

1st time here LMAO

at the names

I have a funi name as well attached :D

Hennessy~ it is LOL

naija-babe-for-yankee said...

facebook is addictive like crack esp for pple whose no1 hobby is amebo. kai! the new layout compels u to be a stalker now sef