Monday, March 16, 2009

Nigerians kill me when...

Ok, I love my Naija peoples and all but dang, sometimes y'all need to be called out. Identify your sin, pray for forgiveness and cease and desist from giving into temptation next time.

1. They claim to not hang out with other Nigerians: You're new in town and you want to know where the Naija hangout spots be, so you ask the nearest Nigerian and they say 'I have no idea. I don't hang out with Nigerians in this city, they talk too much' blahblahblah.
I mean I can respect that but Nigerians, y'all gotta know that there are better ways to make your point i.e 'I really have no idea, I haven't really checked out the Naija social scene...'
Plus some people really be feeling themselves thinking that folk are talking about them. Here's what I always say: People will talk about you if you give them a reason to and no, comments from your 'haters' about your shoes or the forever21 dress you rocked to the party does not count as folk talking about you. I'm just saying...
Plus for the people who lived in Nigeria, what did you do then? Hide under a rock???

2. They claim to have an eclectic taste in music yet will be the first ones to say chit like 'I don't listen to rap/hiphop: Get the fork out of here with that foolishness and while you're at it, open your dictionary and look up the meaning of the word 'eclectic'. Listening to alternative/rock/pop/white folk music doesn't automatically mean that your taste is eclectic.
I mean why do some Nigerians be feeling extra cool with that kini though? It's like all of a sudden black folk music doesn't get you in the cool kids club. I've had a couple of people comment on my taste in music as being too 'urban' and I was really like WTF? I bet my last dollar that you won't run into a white person who came upon her friend listening to some Daughtry and say 'OMG Becky, your taste in music is soo white'.
*smh*

3. Their damn jobs and career defines their very existence: I mean really, what is it with Nigerians and the pissing contest? I can't tell you how many events I've been to and I met a new individual and I can bet another dollar that within the first 5 minutes they wanna know what you do and where you work? Like damn homes, how that one take affect the price of fish in the market na?
Oh no, the convo could go like this:
Stranger: So what do you do?
Mgbeke: I'm a consultant
Stranger: Oh, so do you work for Booz, McKinsey, Deloitte, Accenture etc etc

Like what the fudge? What if I'm a friggin' consultant for McDonalds, ya know consulting with them on how tasty the fries are.
*Convo continued...

Mgbeke: No, actually I do consulting for a small non-profit organization.
Stranger: *Disinterested voice* Oh...

I know y'all feel me on this one.

4. They take this whole being 'different' thing to a whole new level: I mean, just check it. You go to the parties and see the men in all their foolishness wearing tight ass velvet blazers and sateen shirts. They trying to be different and failing miserably. Just wear your jeans and t-shirt and come have some fun.
Guys, you're toasting a chick and before you fit say 'Jack Robinson' she don told you of how she is atheist, vegetarian and not your average Nigerian chick. You know you feel me on this.
Kini big deal? If you really are 'different', you don't need to announce it. Your light will shine through.

5. They tell you to pray about everything/include religion in everything: 'I am so scared my husband is cheating on me'- Awww my sister, pray about it. God is in control.
'I think I bombed my MCATS'- Pele o. Pray about it.
Duhhhhhhhh. Don't tell me something I might not already know, but there's a reason I'm whining to you and it's not because I want you to tell me to pray about it.
And what is really hood with including religion in everything? A friend of mine once updated her FB status wondering about love and how it's complicated or something of that nature. I kid you not when I tell you that her status turned into this realllyyyyyy long thread where some chicks came in and told her to seek the love of God first before wondering about erotic love or whatever. *Blank stare*

6. Chicks be feeling extra cool about where they shop: Razz chicks indeed. When I first hit Yankee, e be laik say Express was the zone to shop. You'd hear chicks proudly boasting 'I only shop at Express', now e be like say e don turn into Bebe. Now na so so 'I only shop at Bebe, Arden B etc etc' and I just shake my head like see this bushinta. You dey carry Express and Bebe pose for the girl who is carrying her unmonogrammed Louis Vuitton bag and silently laughing at you.

7. They look down on your school and your major: Okoros and Mgbekes feeling funky because they went to Spelman/Morehouse and you went to Clark Atlanta. You proudly brag about your 4.0 GPA standing and they ask you what your major is, you say 'Early Childhood education' and they turn their noses up and tell you that when you can maintain a 4.0 in Electrical Engineering, come and open mouth.
*Ok I'm cracking up as I'm typing this one sha. LOL @ Early Childhood education, with our Naija parents ke...dem go say lai lai I aint finna spend thousands of dollars on tuition only for you study some cat damn early childhood education. LMAO. Make I no digress sha...

8. They remix their names: Rotimi= Tim. Peju= Paige. Seun- Shawn. 'Nuff said.

9. Individuals who never even siddon Yankee for 3 months don suddenly acquire Americana accent. Can I just say that it's even worse with the Jand folk? Nna ehn, you no fit talk anything to Jand folk o. I can't think of anyone I know in that Jand area wey no get Jandon accent, just dey yarn like say hot yam dey their throat. Peeps wey never settle on top Jand for even 2 weeks go dey talk 'Is it', 'Yeah', 'I fancy you'. LMAO...Infact ehn, Jand folk imma do a blog entry dedicated to y'all 'cos y'all amuse the heck out of me. Abeg no take am personal o. :D
But yah, wazzup with the sudden acquisition of an accent tho? At least Jand folk fit do am...I hear say everybody for Lagos get british accent including those wey never even cross River Naija talkess of coughing within 5 miles of an airport but you know say you no fit pull off Yankee accent any and any how. Na in peeps go dey mix Yankee accents with their Igbotic/Yorubatic accents and ultimately end up sounding like a bunch of clowns!

10. They turn their noses up at Pidgin english and act like it's razz to speak it: I go take this one personally o! In case you haven't noticed, I tend to mix pidjin english into my posts. As a Port Harcourt born and bred babe, I suppose dey blow am well well na. I'm not that fluent in my native language but I am pretty fluent in pidgin so I still claim to be bi-lingual. :-p
I have some friends with whom I pretty much interact with in mainly pidgin, so yes you might overhear us kiki-ing it up and turn your noses up and just for that, you have sinned. Ha!
Here's my take: There's a time and place for everything including speaking your language. I don't talk about you nacking Igbo in the middle of Walmart so abeg allow me yarn my yarn in peace and not pieces o jare.

....It's past my bedtime but I know there is more. Feel free to tell me yours.

Disclaimer #1: Not applicable to all Nigerians of course.
Disclaimer #2: Not neccesarily applicable to strictly Nigerians sef, but hey I had to look for a scape goat. :-)

79 comments:

Ladi said...

hhehehehe, funny!

Mostly true. Some accents change while in the US Embassy premises during visa interview oh not even 3 months of arrival.

The remixed names (seun to shawn) irks me, then when Akatas do something wrong they'll now try to pretend like they are true 'Africans' and remix the name back to Oluwaseun.

Kai, at least shopping is at Express not Wetseal polyester meltable clothing.

And sometimes, I feel like I need an internship in a major company just so I can drop names...I was at Goldman last year, Citigroup before, heading to Baclays hoping to 'relocate' to Morgan.....wait have all those banks collapsed?

Sorry banking is not even the ish anymore....oops!

bumight said...

i so feel you on #4 and #9. naijas like to pose. its in our blood, even in our dna sef. i cant count the # of dudes in funny looking blazers ive seen at parties - like its frigging 90 degrees in here, why do u have a blazer AND a tie!

and dont even get me started on the accent one - even pple in naij be developing accents!

i think the "sean", "paige" thingie is limited to jand people, lol

tis all about me said...

LMAO @ "i only shop at express"

gotta luv our 9ja peeps

bob-ij said...

#1: Real talk babe! Are you serious? You don't hang out in the Nigerian spots? But if there's free naija food they're there 101%....*hiss

#2: ROTLMAO...which dirty eclectic...schewwwwwwwwww....hiss till tomorrow as if it's not the same r&b and hip hop...ask them to name 1 country singer...*blank stare!...uhhhhh

#4: All I have to say is I surrender.....to all those who have decided that they are DIFFERENT...mixing pin-striped waist coat with polka-dotted shirt and checkered tie!...SHOOT ME!...I'd prefer to die!

#8: Yes o! And Omolaide turns to Lade... Adaeze is daisy....All tribes are a guilty tho!...Umm me too...Ijeoma became Ij but it's not that bad now...let these foreigners not murder my name

#9: FYI this is the worst...I'm tired ..I said tired of being a victim to this sort of SCAM!...No you do not have an accent, it is not possible at this age to change...ah ah!...it can turn ON and OFF..but please OFF it when it comes to me!...On the reals...just chill with it.nope...you are not used to saying "mate" and " bruv"."Hommie" does not fit u!

MY ADDITION: Umm....there's no need to made OBVIOUS comments about another innocent girl's hair when you know it is a WEAVE!!!...Please free me and let's not do this in public....You are very much aware that my hair is scanty...why embarrass me as such???
And please flying across the Atlantic for a weekend to see your friends is not a big deal!..Calm the hell down!..Like really? We all traveled to get to our own schools too...and worse still if you did not pay for it...SHHHHHH!!!!
And what's with the drinking competition? Is there a prize I'm unaware of?? " I can drink more shots than anyone else....OK!"

That's just adding my little bit to the pile....when I remember more, I'll be back!

x!

Fashinga said...

i just wanted to claim my spot in top ten at least...lol

off to read

Nice Anon said...

Funny is how a chic that just came from Naija will just say " my name is adaeze innit"! lol

Again nothing is wrong with shopping at wetseal, forever21 infact i love forever21. No shame in my game!
Best believe when I am in jand i shop at primark. Yes i love primark. not everyone can afford next, topshop,etc.
After paying 11.50 pounds for a day travel card for just london alone nothing again go remain.lol

Nice Anon said...

Biko make that post on jand chics too. I swear them girls are extra! They love the big hair, make-up the whole getup! sometimes i wonder if it is a fashion show when you get on the tube.lol

Temite said...

LMAO
HABA MGBEKE - CHEI!
I am so jealous of # 10. So wish I could speak it. but one day...one day. LMAO at Sean and Paige. that is tew fuuny. But I had to change my name too because really my first name borders me. it is so freaking hard to pronounce. Byways I am not even sure what is wrong with me. I have been living here for a while now and I still have the Nigerian accent and when I am trying to speak yoruba, I have this creepy accent.
But I guess, some people just want to distinguish themselves from the herd and they go about this in a very misguided manner. XOXO

Funms-the rebirth said...

lmao.......... ur so right on point. no 6........ priceless. i get so pissed. when i first moved to the states, i asked some new girls i met where to get affordable bargains cuz i was used to my primark and new look o...... hehehe. they looked at me and said erm nordstrom... fast forward 2 weeks later, i see these girls at charlotte russe..... lmao..... Nigerians o!!!!!!!!

Fashinga said...

omg!!! i went to read and there are three comments already!!! dont you guys sleep?? Temite!! Go to bed...lol

Anyway, i was lmao at #5 and #8...

i know a certain seun turned shawn too...lol

Come oh!!!! you dis babe...i dirint knew you were a porracourt chick....Thats where i grew up!!!
Chai Nne...i rep PHC to the fullest..

Anyhoo, Later Babes!!!
F.

dbthinks said...

Looks like sthng riled u up so much went all out for an old fashioned rant..

Guess ultimately human beings are social animals -- and we all want to feel and be thought of as cool, different, refreshing if u like...

Nothing rocks like pidgin english jare..... Wtever ppl say tho...

Ms.O said...

loooooooooooool!!!!! You have killed me!!!! OMG!!!! i cant even laugh again!

poeticallytinted said...

You are absolutely correct. The one that drives me up the wall is the fake accent. Fake accent from someone who doesn't even speak correct grammar?!@ People have issues oh. I am off to think of what, if any, stupid things I've ever done to belong.

Paris said...

ROTFLMAO! U ARE A RIOT! BUT YOU'RE SOOOOOOO ON THE MONEY!

bArOquE said...

1. Really? You Don’t? Poor You!...No jokes sha, did you live under a rock in Nigeria?
2. I know too many people like this…you’re spot on with this one
3. I, for one, do not like talking about my job, or more like, where I work…but please lets not downplay the word Consultant…unless you actually work as a fucking Consultant
4. On this one, I think we need to have a private convo…please help me come & tell her that she is just a fucking very regular girl…I am sick & tired of her telling me how different she is, HELLO! aren’t we all…GOSH *disgusted*
5. Prayer na our communication with Almighty God oh…doesn’t mean I entertain all them unsolicited religious lingo people throw about
Baroque: "How are you"
Stanger: "We thank God, It is well"
6. Abeg leave the chicks oh…that how they roll! TKMaxx & thingz
7. I am guilty as well, but no be my fault…some courses are not meant for Nigerians...(dont chew me raw, na my opinion)
8. nothing do Remix my dear, leave am as e be joo …LOL
9. 3 months? some never go at all, you dey talk…thanks to UK Gold, it was snowing at some point in my house
10. my lingua franca is pidgin English & there’s nothing posh about the one I speak…but hello to you out there, your English has nothing on mine

LG said...

lolllllll #3 is over-correct :-)
but dats why we r 9gerians naa' we gats to be different :-)

*how farz?

wordmerchant said...

hahahahahahah...miss mgbeke, the ppl in my office think am mad cause i have been laughing my head off at this post!! lol

O'Dee said...

lol!

I agree with you on most of the stuff here.

We 9ja pple like to pose/demo/feel.

I really dont get why sm1 must ask where you work, or try to belittle you over your course of study.

Writefreak said...

Men i so hate it when people remix their names! I'm like aren't they proud of their heritage or they drop their native names and go pick up one English name that's not even on their birth certificate! psheew

Oh and i hate all them fake accented people!

Thanks for this post Mgbeks, i wouldn't rant better myself! lol

How you dey?

Zena said...

wait, I cant even laugh anymore,

I do number one sha, if you lived in brooklyn, you'd understand....some girls wey me I neva see for ground, I don already know who dey don sleep with, who they've given head, who their last boyfriend was, its frightening and when you give them that opportunity to know you, your own don finish be dat,

I feel you deeply on 3,4, and 5, I love My God but e don do nah! wetin.

9 is a total pet peeve, I swear and 10, Pidgin is an art, abeg,knack am dey go,

I just so the disclaimer for number 1.

Mgbeke, I hail you jare

rethots said...

...very well said, unfortunately, the trend shall not only continue but also, be sustained except people understand the we define ourselves. Not by degrees or material worths but, by the depth of our personality.

Have it 'all' with no personal depth and you will always feel you are yet to be 'noticed'.

AJ said...

...lamo, that was so funny but SO true!

You left out this though:

Stranger: So what church do you go to? KICC, Redeemed, Winner's Chapel?

You: No, actually I attend *insert unknown church here*
Stranger: *Disinterested voice* Oh...

Na church we dey worship or GOD????? Seriously?

CultureCynic said...

LMAOOOOOO...speak on it jare......ahahahahahaha, razznesssssss to the fullest. the one that kills me is when someone tries to say " o am not Nigerian but my parents are"...anu mpam, as in huh??!!! or the ones that try to act like they are not from Nigeria... no offense malam that tribal mark did not draw itself...hahaha ok but i kno how to get them tho....

36 INCHES OF BROWN LEGS said...

dat accent thing ehn?? walahi i blame DSTV. ull see chicks who have NEVER even stepped a foot on the island let alone the airport, speaking some serious fone dat u been living in london for donkey years cnt even speak!!!! it annoys the shit out of me, theres a chick in my office like that, no offence o this chick went to maybe uni of benin or smthing, and sometimes i have to ask her in meetings to please speak clearly. i heard her say this once: ya'all dont really understand what im saying innit?? i wanted to die!

the name thing u cnt really blame some people but d worst i ever came across was a chick i met who said her name was Deda? didnt even think about it until i heard her soeaking yoruba i then asked for her real name, Adedayo! bloody idiot!

oh and even on lagos we have that where do u shop sit going on. the other day i got asked who made my dress:

the girl went oh ur dress is really nice, is this tiffany Amber?

Me: *rolls eyes" Tiffany who? of course not, my tailor sura made it.

girl: oh! i have a dress like that that Tiffany made for me, it cost a lot of money, i just thought...........

i had walked away before she was done. bloody idiot

Geebee said...

You did your research well jare. You’re sooooooo right. Nigerians (most anyway) are so hard to understand. What with the claims. . . in musical preference, friendship, being different, religion etc. and of course job and work category . . . Come to think of it, Me sef, apart from being a student, I claim to be a consultant too o. (I even have a complimentary card that shows that). lol. I guess I’m a true Nigerian after all.

Uchenna said...

OMG I COULD NOT STOP LAUGHING!!! and then I paused for a sec. and was like....wait I have committed one of those ones!!! LMAO!!!!!

Dude, u should have ur OWN RADIO SHOW OR SOMETHING, like forrealz!!!

p.s I SOOO FEEL U ON the religion one...and it is sickening when u come to NAIJ..its like "everything is the work of the DEVIL"...EVERYTHING!! ah ah!!

how about if ur not a DOCTOR, LAWYER, ENGINEER, BANKER, ACCOUNTANT, u don't EXIST!! u should see how many looks I get when I say..oh am in the media INdustry...either they think ur a TV ho, or something I don't even know..anyways,

u SHOULD add those people that say..."I DON'T DATE NIGERIANS"...like WTF**k is dat? aren't u nigerian? weren't ur parents nigerian?

it's absolutely crzy!!

chi said...

LMAO at "no offense malam that tribal mark did not draw itself," you guys are too funny.

kmplx said...

ROTDFLMFAO! preach on!

SouLBoutiQue said...

OH MY GOOODNESSS GIRL You have me laughing over here. wooo-saaaa. deep breath. man the 'yankee accent phone' thing pisses me off. for example over here once nigerians hear me talk they wanna start giving me a fake american accent. I immediately stop them and say. please stop with the phone'. and this part

"'I only shop at Bebe, Arden B etc etc' and I just shake my head like see this bushinta. You dey carry Express and Bebe pose for the girl who is carrying her unmonogrammed Louis Vuitton bag and silently laughing at you."

I was laughing! sigh nigerians we can form sha...but i always wonder...WHY???! but you can't front nigerians can't live with them and can't, u know the rest....

RocNaija said...

LOL... I'm just waiting for someone to post a "I hate when Nigerians rant about Nigerians" post.

Only a matter of time!

Anonymous said...

Post is hilarious, allow the jand people please, don't disgrace us. Born and bred here( But I will never deny my heritage) I am very aware of what my fellow Nigerians do....
@AJ I feel you...can you imagine because they haven't heard of your church in London, it is a problem...should we lie about the church we attend??
Post is hilarious!
Bisousxx

RocNaija said...

I'll wait for the Jand post though.. cos most of this post with Yankee inclined..

Enkay said...

#4 I think bothers me the most. And it's not just about Nigerians living abroad, it applies to even those here at home with me!

You try sooo hard to make us SEE how DIFFERENT you are and you end up on your nose!

Just relax please!

brownskinaijachic said...

i am really feeling this ur post jor. u hit the nail on the head.. thiss post is sooo true

*Diane* said...

oh my gosh!!! i seriously die laughing! just read the post twice. You know what though, in blog world, i go by my middle name, simply because i wanted to keep my blog world separate. but in real life i go by a nickname of my native name. Simply because like Bob-Ij, i don't need all this akata ppl butchering my name.
And i'm embarrased to say, i can't speak pidgin sweetly anymore. but you have to understand, i came to the states @ 9. my parents (v. strict) did not allow for pidgin, only our language of Nembe...I'm from Bayelsa. So sadly, it faded away from disuse( i live in the burbs, most white ppl)lol . Dom't laugh too hard.

Ada said...

hahaha..Mgbeks you no go kill person sha...Im laughing reall hard

now chike has turned to chaikee..lol.. I heard that last week..

MPB said...

LMAO!!!! Chei I don die. Meanwhile, I clap my hands at number 2 and 5. You should see the looks of disgust some people give me because my fav music is pop/top 40...oh well na their own be that. Men, my people will not lead me to sin oh...cos God knows that somtimes when i see that "pray about it" comment even in someone's blog comments, i just wanna type/scream FUCK OFF!

Vera Ezimora said...

Hahahahahaha. Babe, I dey feel you flow! U should see the xpression on some Naija people's face when I say I'm studying psychology. Psycho gini??? Wetin you go carry that one do? It's sad, but whatever. One cannot be thinking of ignorant comments like that.

lol @ the name remixes. I don hear am tire. Amazing, ey?

In my head and around me said...

I found myself nodding my head with each passing point. You nailed it jare!

The one about the names. I will soon dash someone in my office slap on top of how they spoil their names when talking to Oyinbo. In fact, I was being showed around a facility by one Oyinbo colleague and he introduced me to a Nigerian named Rotimi who probably thought that I was African American and so turned to me and said my name is Row-tie-my. It was when I said ehn? that he said "Rotimi". This bobo does not look like he has seen an airport before.

Repressed One said...

Buahahahahha. This babe no go kill me. "Hear! Hear!"

4. For real mehn. Everyone wants to be different by force. folks looking like homeless pple in the name of dressing differen..abeg go siddon. we all ain't able.
5. This one irks me. If i'm whining to you it means i've thot about it well and just need to whine.
6. Lmao
7. Preachhh!!
9. Omo true story oh. I talk to friends in naija and they be asking me why i'm sounding 'so razz'...shuoo?

olu said...

I feel you on #3.
#4 is just ridiculous.
LOL @ #6.
#7 is so true, even here in naija. I always say to myself, because you managed to cheat in JAMB and got the main course doesn't make you better than others.
Love the word remix for #8.
#9, abeg, help me yarn Unilag girls o!
How can it be razz to speak pidgin now?!

You're so right.

Smaragd said...

lmao!

been waiting for one of these your posts!lol

lol @ early childhood education.

it's obvious u are a very observant person.

ibsi-W said...

lmao..as in wanna comment on every single thing here cos a lot of them have been bothering sooo much..but if i strt omo mehn i will jus write a whole new post instead of comment...

oh but i do find the accents very amusing..its evn funnier wen boiz in jand hve a yankee accent!!!..i have heard it tooo many times..lol

J'Adore Fashion said...

this is so funny, I don't even know where to begin--why will people brag about where they shop--is not about where you shop but how u wear it--nice post--still laughing ass off. I enjoy people speaking pigin--they make fun of me if i even try, so i stick to my igbo o!
xx

mizchif said...

Truest talk my dear! And i jus had a convo abt this with my friend not quite an hr b4 i read this.

Enough with the act already, i wonder when some ppl will learn that trying too hard is really not cool.

Abt your friend on fb asking love questions......hmmmm.....we might have a friend in common.

Anonymous said...

lol!!!! God o! I was cracking up all the way reading this post of yours. The one that really got me laughing hard was the one about "accent", lol! so funny but I totally feel you on dat though. I've always been an ardent believer in ones accent changing naturally if u end up living away from home , no be by force!
I've been a silent follower of ur blog for a while now and never comment but I really felt I had to give you thumbs up on this cos u nailed everything thing down and kept it real to the T like always....have a splendid rest of d week.

Rita said...

ROTFL...Your No. 8 is so funny...I understand very well your No. 7 and 9...I dont think we can help it anymore :-)

Afrobabe said...

Actually met a guy who asked me out, when I asked what naija spot we would go to he told me he only does decent restaurants, he dosen't do nija scene...to say I was pissed off was an understatement..he didn't even look like he could afford a decent restaurant sef...

I am soooooo guilty about the "what do you do" bit....heheheh..

Mocha said...

I could not have said it better!
Especially no. 1.
There's this naij girl here, everytime she says "I mean like, I dont HAVE to be friends with you just cos you're a naij person. I mean! C'mon!"
I imagine myself pushing her off the Al Maktoum bridge and I smile with genuine pleasure.

Like dude; and I'M from where???

msssccchhhhheeeeewwwwwww!!

I'm guilty of the remix, tho mine is a shortform.
I'm called the shortform back home so it came in handy cos if these people bastadise your name eh???

As for the shopping, na den sabi.
This credit crunch go level everybody.
I'm a proud member of the "reccessionistas" club..for like 5 yrs now and all ;)

The school & work thing don tire me.
I'm a consultant, and I SO know what those looks are like when they say "PWC?" I say no, "KPMG?" I say no, "Phillips Consulting?" I say no, and I see the interest dying and near panic in their eyes.Then when I describe what I do they say "oh! like KPMG tho, right?" with serious relief.

*eye roll*

Wetin concern me???
Shebi if all of us waka, I dey pay my own bill abi?
Nuff said.

doll said...

LMAO

Black girl with long hair said...

this post is hiLARIOUS!!!
i grew up in kingston, jamaica, and i think the main similarity is the whole "yankee accent" thing, LOL!!!

Dabizniz said...

Original Mgbeks...I tire for you nah we you dey hand like this?

Buttercup said...

lmaoooooooooooooooooooo! i feel u on every damn thing! hehehehe u crack me up, in it? lmaooo!

AnyaPosh said...

OMG...this babe na true you talk! But I have to say, I am not guilty of any of those things. I'm just me, but I've seen so many people turn up the agbero in them as they're trying to prove their yankee-nized/janderated selves! It's all a facade...be yourself & leave the rest. I shop at walmart and bebe, H&M and Gucci, so no need to front about anything.

I especially feel you on the Jand accent thing tho...i just don't get it. I left nigeria about 8 yrs ago but I can still break into a nigerian accent when I reach tejuosho market. I seen some babes & guys get ripped off because they can't speak/have forgotten* how to speak like average nigerians. It's rather unfortunate but babe, it is what it is.

Mehn, I'm really glad you're on blogville. You're like the most normal person on here, you have managed to articulate so many of the things on my mind. I appreciate you.

wordsmith said...

haha. na so we see am o

NoLimit said...

@ not mixing with other nigerian, I tire o! I really don't understand why some 9jas say that o...but it is just abso-friggin-lutely ridiculous!
Really don't appreciate the name "merix" o!I tell my colleagues...if I can bend over backwards to call your name properly, then you should learn how to call mine too...
and NO I ain't shortening it for you on no account!
lol @ the accent...met an old school mate who couldn't string a sentence together to save his life back in the days without adding pidgin english(God forgive me o!) and the guy was blowing english with accent for me...I just went like..."o boy na me you dey follow yarn like that"...then he laffed and reverted back to normal english...I was like gaddem!on top of wetin o?
Now that pidgin thing gets me like crazy...I've just concluded that the people that turn their big round flaring oxygen consuming noses up @ pidgin english are the once that really can't speak it!!!

Kemberly said...

ORIGINAL MBEKE! YOU HAVE DONE IT AGAIN!!!

ok...here are my comments...

@ #3: Lol at the job stuff! They do that ALL the time...it KILLS me. You know Naijian have to show levels some kind of way now...
@ #4: I swear...that "different" thing is really starting to worry me! That's how my best friend told me she's now a vegetarian!!! I felt like using a whole life turkey to slap her face!
@ # 6: PREACH!
@ #8: MGBEKE! ARE U CALLING ME OUT!!!! You know my name has been "merixed" from Nkem to Kem to Kemberly...et al...but my defense is that I didn't do it myself...I was christened by my college friends...
... and finally PIDGEON is the SHIT!

StandTall-The Activist said...

Espcially #5. Haba! I believe in God but we take this prayer thing too far really.

Care to check my blog for what Writefreak said about you?

ShonaVixen said...

LOL!!!Loved this...and yup its not just Nigerians even Zimbabweans do the same stuff!! Saying stuff like ' I don't buy High Street stuff only designer'..yeah right when you first came Primark's Atomsphere was your label...mcccheeewwww

Iwalewa said...

I once made the "I don't hang out with Nigerians" statement but what I meant to say was that I didn't hang with anyone at all, I was a loner and still am. I wanted to talk it back immediately after I said it cos I could see that the person took it the wrong way and it was so evident that he was disgusted by it but it was too late to take it back.

As far as the other things, I am not out to impress anyone so I stay myself no matter what. I longer fight my Nigerian accent.

Omo calabar. said...

Lol. Insane man. I dey feel u for this one. Na true u talk.

Sting said...

Loved this post. U r so right on the accent thing esp with the jand people. I've been here for 7yrs and i was recently accused by this white dude at work, that i sound like a ghetto nigerian. How did he come to that conclusion, seeing how he has never stepped foot in naija. His roommate who has been in yankee for only 3 yrs sound british and very polished when he speaks compared to me. I was too shocked to be offended.

My friend in Jand that has been there for about 3 years, na so she dey do. I don talk tire. The last time she called they blow phone' for me, i just dey look am. The thing tire me.

One thing that really pisses me off is born and bred naija dudes that say they don't date naija chics.

NigerianDramaQueen said...

I especially agree with #1 and 8. Sometimes I understand the remixing of names when its one of those longggg names, but the one that pisses me off is when the owners of the name tell me they dont know how to pronounce it. Whether you were born here or not, you should know the meaning of your 9ja name and how to pronounce it.Hisssssss

Meanwhile, I'm definately voting you for funniest blogger...thats fo sho!

Wats gooddddd mami?

Gee said...

hahaahaha...*bushinta*
lol...love dat!

Anonymous said...

So i also laughed so hard while reading this post, and i def think a lot of pple are guilty of some of these things . I fall in #2 and i do not say i don't listen to rap et all because every once in a while when there is a good one out there i do, like Eminem of back in the days. However, i prefer COUNTRY music to all other genres just because most of the songs are meaningful and are not asking you to "do the STANKY LEG" btw i kinda like that song lol!
Them pop and hard rock, Not for me, i can handle SOFT rock tho.

Anonymous said...

ummmm there are those that come and dash themselves "JUNIOR" and when they can not use their first name and junior they use their last name and junior i mean, as in i have a friend that used his last name "Adekogbe" to call himself "AJ" and when you ask him why he says "well it is Adekogbe Junior, i am my dad's junior" LMAO!!!!
This, does not apply to anyone in particular but people are beginning to use that "I DON'T WANT THESE OYINBO PEOPLE MESSING UP MY NAME" Nope do not do that, TELL them your name and if they mess it up you know you at least told them your real name i know White people that make an effort to say your name correctly and even think that our names are UNIQUE and COOL so pls FLAUNT IT OH!!! FULL STOP NO COMMA!!!

Abujamaiden said...

FUNNY!!!!!

exschoolnerd said...

lmao!!!

this cracked me up the most


8. They remix their names: Rotimi= Tim. Peju= Paige. Seun- Shawn. 'Nuff said


PEJU-PAIGE....HAHAHAHA!!!!


and the accent thing i tire..person go travel for 2 weeks go yankee or jand..u go call am..e go dey blow accent wey no get head or tail..

Bibi said...

all the above is true word. lmao. lol @ the remixed names. i met a naija dude once and we exchanged names. he said "my name is hey yo". i said "hey yo?" which tribe is that? he said yoruba. i thought for a while hey yo, hey yo, hey yo. oh, hot damn. you mean Ayo? he said "hmm hmm' but my friends call me hey yo'.lol. what about the one who told me his name is shawn instead of seun? don't even get me started

Nefertiti said...

LMAO! All ur rants are so dead on!

I think it starts with the insecurities of parents, passed down to their children. These children grow up to be dissatisfied with their lives, and think the Americans are better than them because of how they talk, or becos they have a name like cindy or 'shawn' Nigerians like these make me sick. And I really don't care to know fake ass heiffers that claim to shop at bebe, when I saw her fake ass at TJ Maxx the other day. *u don see mugu*

Penelope said...

Lmaooo!!...Oh i just wrote in my blog how a girl i came with to canada, told me to start caling her Sumn else order than her name..."Nike to Nikky"...loool..oh good times..
and the phoneh one...all of dem r lik that oh..dis razz nigerians..kai
lmao at gpa!!..abeg i must admit, evn me il luk u one kain oo...hw wil u cum ol the wai 4rm naij to study "that"?..wat wil ur parents say...teehee..lool
reminds me of wen i was considerin studyin nursing, my pops was just cursing on the fone..lool"Sorry for bulzing excess"

Nicely done babe!..Love it!
x

YoungMz T said...

LOOOOL THIS IS FUNNY MAN...SHIT

L-VII said...

Lol!!!!!! this is the best thing I have read in a while. it's so good because it so true. Trust me, what you've written is applicable to the 'janded' Naija people as well. This is so good, I am seeking your permission to show it to all my london Naija people.

Anonymous said...

You're spot on on the individuality thing!
Everyone's tryna be different at ALL COST, rocking all sorts of disgraceful ensembles... smdh

DAV!D said...

Loving the post! Got me laughing sooo hard..

I love that you called out those that think it's a thing of pride and elite status to not hang out wih their fellow Nigerians... Pssshhh!!! Gimme a break!
Abeggggg, we can do better!

tankojjetty said...

OMo...YOu DOn REally STudy NIgerians O. YOu're SO RIght ON ALl COunts.

NAija PEople TOo FOrm,WEll TIll YOu GEt TO KNow THem BEtter.

THen THey're THe MOSt FUn PEople TO BE WIth.

leggy said...

lol..ur very funny

Pardunezfk said...

ORIGINAL MBEKE! YOU HAVE DONE IT AGAIN!!! ok...here are my comments... @ #3: Lol at the job stuff! They do that ALL the time...it KILLS me. You know Naijian have to show levels some kind of way now... @ #4: I swear...that "different" thing is really starting to worry me! That's how my best friend told me she's now a vegetarian!!! I felt like using a whole life turkey to slap her face! @ # 6: PREACH! @ #8: MGBEKE! ARE U CALLING ME OUT!!!! You know my name has been "merixed" from Nkem to Kem to Kemberly...et al...but my defense is that I didn't do it myself...I was christened by my college friends... ... and finally PIDGEON is the SHIT!

Oghenero Afiari said...

OMG some of u are so anal, it literally hurts. So what if a razz, Nigerian village girl wants to speak 'phoneh'? Is it your mouth she's using to rap? Ugh. Relax. Please. If she isn't claiming to be what she's not, and she's not hurting anyone, I don't see why you should judge her.