To be honest, I've been kinda clueless about this whole awards kini and so I wasn't paying too much attention to the going-ons. A fabulous chica was nice enough to draw my attention to the marra...(Shoutouts to Zi) and I just wanna say THANK YOU to whoever nominated me and whoever plans to vote/voted for me. *Takes a bow*
Now, make we enter the koko. Make we yarn the matter. I've been having all kinds of thoughts of the dynamics between men and women, relationships and the whole 9 yards and I figured, I'd share...
Blurt #1: Men have gotten LAZY...
Men have gotten lazy. They go to parties and post up against the wall...if you wanted to stand around and watch people dance, you should have stayed up and watched America's Best Dance Crew or something. When the ladies call them out on it, they say 'Do you know how hard it is for a man to step to a female and ask for her number? What if she rejects me?'
That my friends is nothing but pure laziness. I always think back to the days of our parents and although everyone is quick to remind me that this isn't the days of our parents, I still insist that these men need to learn from their fathers. In our parents days, our fathers were persistent. They chased after our mothers, and even went knocking on their father's doors in no time saying 'there is a flower in your garden that we would like to pluck'. :-D
Our mothers had plenty suitors because back in the day it seemed that men were willing to put in the work to bag the ladies. I mean, if y'all think I'm trippin' go back and ask your mothers how your fathers toasted them and come back and report to me.
In 2009, it is now a huge deal for a man to approach a woman and ask for her digits. They cook up all kinds of excuses, they feel they have too many options and in general they can't be bothered. So that leaves the ladies to do the 'work'. The ladies now have to trade places Usher style and approach the guys.
Well, let me tell you guys. In this same 2009, I still REFUSE to approach a man and ask for his number. Whaaat? Why should I? Before you know it now, women will have to start popping the question to men. *Rolls eyes*
Trust me, I'm as 'untraditional' as they come but when it comes to being approached, you can pretty much call me an ol' school village girl.
I believe when a man sees what he wants, he should go for it and he should go hard. So therefore, let ol' boy be the one to come at me and come hard. Don't get me wrong o, I'm not going to 'form' and give him a hard time because I am trying to test his love or whatever. Never that!
But at the same time, he should be the one to approach me and come at me in a seriously correct manner.
I know that some of my ladies are with me on this, and on the other hand some other ladies dey give me side eye thinking this 'babe dey jonz, be there waiting to be approached...all your mates go marry before you, e go do you like film show'. To each her own abi? I mean I'm not knocking ladies who approach guys o jare, na your way and it's admirably very bold but I no fit abeg.
Blurt #2: I hope I never turn into those girls...
Those girls! You know who they are, they go to events with their SO's and clutch 'em tightly/drape themselves across the SO in order to let the other ladies know that he's TAKEN. They perch daintily on their seats and smirk at you and your girls doing the dutty whine on the dance floor probably thinking things like: 'See these attention seekers, sorry he's taken' OR 'Awww, it must suck to be single and have to dance extra hard to get noticed around these parts'. I mean come on, you JUST know that's what they are thinking.
SO never leaves their sight...
Kini big deal? I've always thought of myself as pretty liberal and accomodating when it comes to an SO. Go off and do your thing with your peoples, and I'll do mine. I'm secure enough to know that you are MINE so I don't need to clutch you too tightly in my effort at sending messages across. I'm just saying...
Blurt #3: Ladies, when are we going to stop giving excuses for men?
I've heard of couples where the man moved across nations, seas and countries to be with his lady. That right there= True love and dedication.
So why are we trying to excuse the fact that his azz hasn't called in 5 days? Talking bout 'It's tax season and he's busy'.
Infact let me paraphrase what one very wise man once said: 'How busy can a man be? I bet he's not too busy to take a shit so while he's taking his 5 minute shit, he can call you'
He also added 'Even Barack Obama who was so busy campaigning all over the world found time to call Michelle, so no man can be THAT busy'.
If he's really into you, he will call and maybe the fact that he uses the excuse 'I'm not a phone person' as his reason for not might just be the hard pill to swallow:- He's just not that into me and there's no excuses for that one.
Blurt #4: It's recession out there for single gals.
Our mothers are saying stuff like 'Go out more often', 'Make yourself more available' etc etc. We are exasperated with this talk. Where else we wan go?... Fashion shows? check. Charity balls? check. Parties? check. Weddings? check. Truth of the marra is you might be the popular jingo in your city but it is getting harder to meet single, correct men. I once went to a wedding and the entire grooms train was boo'ed up, talkless of the actual guests. Na so so couples, couples everywhere.
Beautiful, accomplished women are wondering 'where is he and when will I meet him?'. My sisters, I can't say that I have any idea. You see, I quit wondering and asking that question when I realized what the 'market' was looking like. I did my post on the scarcity of males in the DMV and ladies from other hoods also complained about the scarcity of males in their cities.
The males aint forthcoming, the situation is looking bleak and like my friend said (she will soon come and accuse me of plagiarism..I dey paraphrase am o!)...'Whoever God has for me, he should personally deliver him to my doorstep in a Fedex box because I'm done sweating the situation'. Church!!! I say preach it, my sister.
Na real Fedex box e go be 'cos ummm yeah I step out of my zone with ZERO expectations i.e hoping to meet whoever. And in regards to putting yourself out there? I've started favoring spending my free time catching up on sleep/watching Naija movies so e go be real Fedex box 'cos the social situations aren't as appealing as they used to be o jare. Sorry Mama...
Hopefully the Fedex delivery guy is cute so that I can do eeenie meenie mani mo. :-D
Blurt #5: The single life isn't a bad life at all...
Piggy backing off the last blurt. We are getting older, we are moaning the lack of SO's. But let's think outside of the box. I can't say that I'm not liking my single life. Sure, I might have my moments of 'I'm singleeeeeee...waaaaaaa' now and then but in general, I have no complaints.
A couple of people said to me recently: 'You seem to be a real party girl, all the tagged pictures of you are at some party or the event' and I laughed and said 'Yes o, let me get my party on before someone marries me and frowns at me everytime I want to go out'. Hehehehe...no be so tho?
You get married and your 'me, me, me' mentality and lifestyle flies out of the window. You just can't up and head to Vegas with the girls. You can't shamelessly flirt with the boys.
I say enjoy your 'now' 'cos I really think that at some time if and when we get married, some of us will look at the young girls doing the dutty whine on the dance floor and feel a bit of nostalgia. C'mon it's like when we were in college and so desperately wanted to graduate and everyone said 'Trust me, you will miss your college days'...I scoffed at that like yeah right! Me miss college ke?
Let's just say that I am eating my words. Sometimes I do miss being a carefree college kid with no worries in the world. If I wanted to skip class 5 days a week, I could. I had spring break and summer vacays, I could party on thursday nights and somehow make it into class on friday mornings. I think that's how marriage might be, you may love it but you'll think back on the single days and miss the freedom that came with it. So while you're single and unencumbered, let's have a blast shall we? :-)
Blurt #6:- Be YOU!
I swear I am so sick and tired of reading 'rules' for what these men are supposedly looking for in a wifey. I've come to realize that you might be the high maintenance chick who doesn't cook for shi shi but if a man decide say na you hin want, na you hin go pick. Girls are losing their identities in this quest to be considered 'wifey material'. Maka why? In the end, he'll probably dump you and go with the girl who parties till 3am every weekend, the extra high maintenance chick who doesn't cook, basically the girl who is everything you tried not to be just to make him happy.
Ughhhh 'wifey material'. I think I officially hate that term. What the fudge is a wifey material? Psssst...these men will talk talk talk but in the end, dem go walk down the aisle with the exact opposite of their so-called wifey material chick.
Leave tori for tortoise, all that one na tales by moonlight. You just do you and if he likes your ring tone, I bet he won't give a hoot!
Blurt #7:- I've quit trying to figure men out.
I was reading the blog: Singeblackmale.net and some of the male perspectives were really like ????
Ladies complained about giving men their digits and the man never called and some of the men came in to say that sometimes they ask for the digits just to check and see if they still got 'it'. Huh? Are we in grade school??? That is the most juvenile chit ever.
Some people say that I constantly come off as being irritated with men, some have even called me a male basher and I insist that I am not. I just won't sit back and let the foolishness continue. Agbaya's are in the club trying to see if they still got 'it'? *SMH*
Infact, make I no talk again sef before blogger accuses me too.
Blurt #8:- Is being a 'good girl' overrated?
Have you noticed how the ones known as the professional headmistresses, head doctors and what not are getting boo'ed up/ringed up? Zena, remember how you spoke about how you be randomly hearing some chicks gist? Well...ditto. It's unfortunate.
Next thing you know, they are engaged or something and it's like wow! Whatever happened to men looking for the good, chaste, church going gals?
I mean, I realize that in this day and age men want a girl who knows her way around the bedroom but is knowing your way around the whole city's bedroom now the 'in-thing'. Goody 2 shoe ladies, do not lose hope. God dey!
Blurt #9:-It seems that the bratty high maintenance chicks are winning!
How many times have you seen some ridiculously bratty 'I called you 10 times, where the hell were you' kind of extra possessive chick with some really sweet guy and you're like na wa o!
I mean guys, I realize that some of you like to feel needed but na so e do you reach? I guess when one blows up your phone 10x back to back and bitches about you spending too much time with the boys, it means that she really loves you and doesn't want to spend too much time away from you. *shrugs*
I have no blurt #10. The blurt well dried up.
Till the next round of blurts...
Peace & Love