Tuesday, June 9, 2009

I googled my ex...

I randomly thought about him today and decided to google him...

…and I found his wedding website. He is getting married VERY soon. To her. For a split second, I thought hmmmph! Not her of all people. She will freaking run into me one day and gloat like she won and I lost. For a split second, I sulked about it and harrumphed about it. And then the moment passed…

But then, I got to wondering…what if I hadn’t seen what I saw that warm summer day a couple of years ago? I might never have had a reason to confront him and who knows, maybe we would be the ones walking down the aisle too.
You see, I can confidently say that he fell into the ‘top 3’ in my best boyfriend category.He was caring, attentive, full of surprises, encouraging, always with a listening ear, had a nice sense of humor, definitely not hard on the eyes at all, sexy, very smart etc etc. I mean, he fit am well well o.

He gave me butterflies and he made me happy and to me, all was well in my world until that warm summer day some years ago, when I saw what I saw. The hard core evidence was enough proof for even the dumbest woman on the planet, and after I confronted him about it…I packed my load and was O-U-T. It was a tough choice, and a hard decision and in retrospect sometimes I would ask myself why I walked away from someone who was so good to me, especially after all that I seemed to run into post-him was a bunch of stupid ass men. But please…my mama taught me well. No man is worth that BS, no matter how ‘good’ he appears to be so I chalked it up to a ‘whatever’ and kept on living.

I kept my distance for a good while until he randomly emailed me one random day about 1.5 years later. I responded and said ‘Hmmm, what warrants this random email o you blast from the past’ and he said something along the lines of ‘he hadn’t forgotten about me, and couldn’t even if he tried’. It was still a ‘whatevs’ from me. I certainly wasn’t trying to entertain any blasts from the pasts. From then on, we’d talk very randomly and one day he called me and told me that he and her had gotten back together, said he’d ultimately like to thank me for opening his eyes (because the stuvvs that I saw that warm sunny day all related to her; she who had an untouchable mark and history in his life that I could never have tried to hold a torch to).
Said after I bounced from the relationship, he realized that he was still in love with her and so he decided to rekindle things with her. On a contradictory note, he wistfully added that he felt I had rudely interrupted what we had when it had major potential to grow into something big, and how I’m such a wonderful woman blahblahblah. I thanked him, congratulated him and wished him well…
What’s a woman to do?

We didn’t speak again until I ran into him at this wedding... 3 exes and a wedding
and The reception . I had no idea he was going to be there, with her of all people but upon seeing them together I knew that it was officially official and hey! I’m only human…I felt slight resentment for them…her…him. At this stage, I had no idea that they were engaged…until I happened to get word of it on the street and it was really like wow!
Since then, we haven't spoken to each other.

So ummm…yeah, they are tying the knot pretty soon and save for my fleeting second of hmming and haaaing, it really is all good. I know that they will be very happy together, no doubt and I wish them the very best. Ultimately, I am happy that I saw what I saw on that warm summer day…they say that everything happens for a reason and I believe that. Ex + his wifey are meant to be, and if I hadn’t found out then, I surely would have found out later. Their history is untouchable.

As for me, I’ll simply add this to the archives of stories that I will tell my daughters when they grow up and start to experience life and it's ups and downs. Such is life! :-D

48 comments:

yinkuslolo said...

u googled ur ex. i might have to adopt that move

yinkuslolo said...

wow, that's what happens when ur exes get married b4 u. it's like they moved on faster but maybe one moved more carefully.
as for technology, giving u access to his wedding website. it's all good.
the main thing is that u guys are good, like in good terms.

interesting blog u got going

Kate said...

WHAT DID YOU SEE THAT HOT SUMMER DAY? IT"S DRIVING ME NUTS!! ARRRGGGHHH!!

Ms Sula said...

Darling, I really feel this post... and I had a little tug in my heart.

But I believe all of this is part of the cleansing that needs to take place... I told you to get ready... You need to cleanse, cleanse away. And I see you're doing that.

Like you said, it's never a good idea to play second fiddle to anybody. Life is meant to be experienced and that's what you're doing. Keep it up.

Repressed One said...

lol@ amebo kate.

teehee@ archive
...My dear, i feel you on the slight resentment and eventual heartfelt congrats.

It is true that things happen for a reason.

*off to google :)

juiceegal said...

Its true sef..........thanx for inspirin me,i just might be followin in ur footsteps...lol
I totally undastand the slight resentment,pple who say they neva feel this way are just lying to themselves.Its all gud tho and i'm sure ur daughters would have loads of stories to hear 4rm u,if i were them(whereva unborn children stay) i wld start bracin myself....lol

Anonymous said...

you are very brave keeping your cool and not bending your standards

Funms-the rebirth said...

hmmm i wonder what you saw? care to share?
we all cant help the split second of hmmming even if uve totally moved on.... at least u have solid reasons for moving on and im sure u will find someone who will be all u want

Nice Anon said...

Yes somehow you got mixed up in their love story. It is all good. At the end of the day; he is happy and I know you honestly wish that for him. It is normal to feel the way you did and how you felt when you saw the website.
I have come to understand that whatever is for you will be for you.

I do that google runs as well.LOL

Nice Anon said...

Isn't it beautiful how you said" tell your daughters" My dear the Lord is on the throne! LOL

Brokeass said...

What did u see biko????

lmao@ googling ur ex
LOL!

Wow...you were very brave to just up and go like that...

blogoratti said...

Sucks,but hey life goes on.
Good thing you moved on with yourself, that's the best part.

chayoma said...

i am joining the group of peeps who want to know what u saw that faithful summer day oh!
Yea, some people are just destined to be.
u did hold ya own gurl, gats to give u that!

Ada said...

awww inlaw..
You are a great, wonderful and beautiful person, not just outside but inside as well..
More than anything I commend you for walking out even though everything else was "gravy"..most women will stay because they feel they cant get any better but you know your worth..
He obviously was not suppose to be or else you will never have found out what you found..when the right man comes, all exes of his will be of no importance.

infact infact infact. My brother..infact let me call him..lmao

love ya

leggy said...

such is life my sister...and i m happy u didnt pour acid on the girl..just kidding!anyway,i like ur grown up approach really there r so many men out there...wats one?

justdoyin said...

googled ur ex? lol...bone him oh, cos ur future is on his way...cheers

Reverence said...

couple of things
1) what did you see that summer day?
2) can a sister get a website link or something?
3) i HEART you and your outlook on life

That is all for now.

MPB said...

Oh my goodness life and it's twists and turns. It's a pity that you've been meeting yeye men since him 'cos I suspect that's the catalyst for him waltzing into your subconscious from time to time. Meanwhile, my curiosity no go kill me so pls tell me what happened that fine summer afternoon. Biko.

akaBaGucci said...

Guess the textbook answer would be you're better off without him than with him -- but only you can verify that.... Wedding websites seem to contrived to me!

At least you have the butterflies as keepsakes...

UnderCover07 said...

...The case of the Ex...*sighs* well lyk u said we wish him well, ur own go soon come. So jst relax while the Lord continues to work on ur own, He's customizing a man just for u dear...lol

Original Mgbeke said...

Yinkus Lolo: Ha, I don't do that quite often. Well, I have no hard feelings for him so I am certainly good. Thanks lady.

Kate: LMAO...see amebo work sha. I aint telling! :-p

God-sis: Yes ooo, I am certainly cleansing and cleansing away. I am good.
Yup, I think that even if we had stayed together, his wife would have been numero uno. They certainly deserve each other. Thanks a lot sis. :-)

RepressedOne: Ha! Tori go plenty for the girlies o. I can't wait..lol. Everything certainly happens for a reason and experience is one helluva a teacher.

Juicegal: LOL, make una no find the one wey you no go likey ooo. Ha Ha Ha. My dear, we are only human and our emotions always tell the truth even though we may act like all is well. Yes, my daughters had better brace themselves. LOL

Anonymous: Thanks a lot. It certainly wasn't easy at all oo...

Funms: For the sake of privacy I won't share sha. Thank you! I believe I will find someone who won't have emotional baggage. Amen to that.

Nicey m: My sister, yes o. I wish him the best and I know that he will be happy. Feeling you on whatever is mine will be mine, not someone else's.
LMAO this babe you kill me with that 'Lord is on the throne'...hahahahaha. Too funny!

Brokeass: Googling is fun, I google myself sometimes. :-p
Thanks, twasn't easy.

Blogoratti: Life truly goes on and I am living and breathing just fine. I feel at peace with myself and with him so all is well.

Original Mgbeke said...

Chayoma: Read my comments to the others on the disclosure issue...lol. Thank you lady!

In-law: That really did make me cheese. Thank you sooo much. :-)...My sister sometimes when I peep why women stay and don't leave I see why, but God dey and that's how I can muster up will power. Like Nicey will say, God is on the throne. LOL
Awwww thanks in law, I go gel well in una family o. Hahahahahahha :-D

Leggy: Abi na she wey go pour acid on me. LOLLL, thanks babe. Men will come no doubt!

JustDoyin: Amen to that. Thanks lady.

Reverence: LOLLL, amebo no go kill you ooo. Hahahahah, thank you. Really 'preciate it. :-)

MPB: That is true o, that could be a catalyst no doubt. Never thought much about that, but you make sense. Well, thankfully I haven't been thinking about him much, I don't know what made him pop into my head on this day...

akaBagucci: LOL @ text book answer. I had better be better off without him o...shuoooo. I have moved on from it, no doubt and my reaction is only human. Hmmm I guess if we get married there will be no wedding website? *bats lashes*...LOL

Undercover07: Can I get an AMEN to that? Ha...I am now on that whole positive thinking steez o. :-D
Thanks lady.

I really do appreciate all the comments. Thanks guys.

Anonymous said...

oh my goodness, it's like i wrote this blog. the same thing happened to me but i searched facebook only to find their wedding invite, with a picture of them all loved up.oh well life goes on and wish them all the best.

Tay-mee said...

That warm summer evening..warapun now?..lol..I kid..

but at least their are no hard feelings on your part.

Ms.O said...

I don't like this half gist ooo..what happened that summer day now?!?!..lol

Men such is life, you win some, you lose some! At least your not wallowing in self pity, but moving up..you get two thumbs up!.lool

downtheaisle said...

u googled ur ex ke? babe, u r strong o! I never would have the liver to do that.

babe, I felt this ur post, i imagined if it was me, I wld have been a little envious that they r eventually tying the knots,***dunno why sha***, and wld have wished the tying of the knots was with someone else other than the girl caught with him during the hot summer day. ***if it was me ooo***

But it all good sha, sturves happen and I know u know that,we rise above things like this and become better persons.

BBB said...

FIRST QUESTION
WHAT HAPPENED THAT SUMMER DAY DO SPILL

so he smarrying her i would hav ebeen burnt if it was me...
anyway uve moved on and he lost a real gem wen he lost u.....

RocNaija said...

Unlike nearly everybody else, I don't think it really matters on the Hot summer day..

You're take on the way things happened though is striking and no less amusing..

It's fair to say him and her were always meant to be.. Especially as a means of getting over him quickly and efficiently..

But then who knows.. Really?

scribble,me.free said...

ur not serious...what did you find?!?!?!?

Kemberly said...

Eyyyyahhh...chai! You're a very strong woman. Like you said, you'll just chuck this into the list of "stories" you'll tell you daughter. I guess I have to go google my exes too, I don't want to be caught off guard oh!

CultureCynic said...

OM G>>>WTF did u find?????????? did you catch the pair of them going at it or something....??? what happened????

well no matter what it was, u r a strong sombody (read mature) to be even wishing him well...i didn't hear u fucked him up or FUCKED HIM up or some shit like that.....WHy did u let him get away with that hot summer afternooon.....please elaborate and stop making my mind wonder.... i want to hear u say it, so i dont veer off course....

on another note....u said "daughters" so that means u see marriage in ze future...(wink wink)

Omotee! said...

googled ur ex?! i wish i could do that too but i do not have exes worth googling, they are nonentitites and persona non gratas! ok, thats not true, there's just no point.

dont worry, u'll be fine, one day u'll laff over it.

but hey, what exactly did u see that hot summer day?!?! pls tell!

AnyaPosh said...

hmm...my dear everything happens for a reason. it's sad but what can you say...life must go on. I know the resentment you feel but just let it outta ur system.

And you know I was going to ask this but what did u see on that fateful warm summer day? I'm curious.

E be like my own fateful warm summer day is coming soon. Too much gist.

bArOquE said...

why do i think you wish you didnt google him? LOL...so what was it you saw that 'fateful' summer day?...anyway, we kinda all have regrets that bear a semblance of yours, if thats meant to be consolation

Original Mgbeke said...

Anonymous: Life goes on indeed my sister. Na to wish them well and keep on living and breathing. :-)

Taymee: And I thank God for that. No bitterness is eating me up inside.

Ms. O: Thank you lady, Life is good for me o. I certainly don't want a 'borrowed dude'. LOL

Downtheaisle: Experience truly can teach us to choose to be better people or not. I choose to learn and learn positively from them. Thanks missy!

BBB: LOL, maybe not. Maybe the true gem is the woman he picked as his wife and I certainly aint mad at that. Thank you.

RocNaija: Yes o, I think they were definitely meant to be. Any other woman may have paled in comparison...no wahala at all. They will be happy, I think they will. Thanks dude!

Scribs: LOL...I go tell una on another warm summer day. Ha Ha Ha. :-D

Kem kem: LOL, my dear oooo. Na so we see am, funny he was the only one I thought to google. Thanks lady, the girlies will certainly be hearing a lot from mommy.

CultureC: My favoritest trobu maker, my sister...that is how I maintain my peace and happiness o. By harboring no hard feelings or ill will towards anyone. No shakings o jare...LOL @ f-ing him up.
Errrm even if I no marry, imma still have my babies o via adoption or natural means. :-D

Omotee: LMAO @ nonentiries and steez. Chei, see finishing. My sister, I am fine o. I truly am, thank youu.

Anya: Thanks babe! It is out of my system already o jare, like some things are not meant to be and this was one of them. LOL @ your own summer day dey come...I hope not o!

BaroQue: Actually I have no regrets on the marra o. Marriage was the ultimate path for them, no doubt! Thank you diaa. Are you back for good? lol

Nice Anon said...

Still we are left to wonder that happened on this hot summer day.
Possibilities

Having sex with her?
eating her toto?
Kissing her?


OR hmmm going at it with a dude? Na wa oo. See what happens when you let our minds wonder. My darling odighi mma.

Nefertiti said...

ROTFL @ Nice Anon! LMAO... *Neffie takes a moment to laffff oooooo*

Seriously though, I love your outlook on things. I'm glad u didn't give us some sob story, cos honestly, I wouldn't have commiserated. I never look back on any exes with regret cos I believe God orders my steps. There's a reason where the path to get out of the relationship was lighted. Like I said, I'm really proud of the way you have reasoned out the situation. :) Good on you!

I am now subscribed to your blog. I'll be reading ;)

Zena said...

First off,
I feel I've committed a great sin for not commenting here for sooo long, I've been terribly busy and I've only had time to read your posts, the day I decided to comment,blogger decided to screw me over and tell me there's an error somewhere....so excuse me while I comment on ALL, lol yes ALL the posts I didn't comment on, shebi you like long posts abi, lol

Ok
I GOOGLED MY EX
I felt this sort of pull when I read this, You're very mature...I think I would've handled things a whole lot differently, there would've been a lot of threatening and jazz promises made, thats why Zena's still in the Caterpillar stage..because ehn!!!hmmmph!!

I loved how you didn't compromise who you were just because he was top 3 in your best-boyfriends thing, a lot of women loose themselves, settling for less and you didn't

So you know that or this is God's way of preparing you for that beautiful surprise (I must be first to collect Aso-ebi, infact my own must be the most specialest(lol)one)

On HARRY POTTER INSPIRED MEMORIES
Come this woman, why are you so lucky?99c??abi you want to buy me a set as well?I go send the money, honestly
Your Harry Potter Inspired memories, is like my Craig David-Born to Do it Album memories, every song, the lyrics...has a story connected to it....It was with Craig David that I found my soul mate even at that small age, it was with craig David that I lost that same Soul mate....
May your friend continue to rest in perfect peace..

On WEDDING WEBSITES, WEDDINGS AND GETTING MARRIED

I too love the stories, I don't even bother with the pictures that are on those webites, I've already started dreaming about how I'd tell my kids of how we met and all that crap....

Weddings
My sister, my friends that I went to High School with are all getting married one by one, sho! me I just dey tire, as in...wetin dey do me? wey my own...its incredible that the person you used to read sweet valley high with and play kitchen set with is getting married!!
As for the marrying within tribes, I can't even do that...you see, the Only fine Edo men I know are all related to me, the rest are...well,pretty Ugly....lol.I'm serious..they must have some funny shape head or be...infact before somebody pursue me..lemme shut-up

Marriage is in your future Mgbeke..you hear me so? Ehen...You have no choice in the matter at allll..sho!gbo. You will marry.Final

So lol, I apologise, I couldn't help it

joicee said...

Dear,
You handled it in a very mature way

Truth is if it wasn´t meant to be then it wasn´t..Your own special someone, your soulmate is on the way, or you have prolly already found him sef.

Take care

joicee said...

Dear,
You handled it in a very mature way

Truth is if it wasn´t meant to be then it wasn´t..Your own special someone, your soulmate is on the way, or you have prolly already found him sef.

Take care

Rita said...

I'm not sure I would have had the liver to google anyone...but somehow, the info gets around.

When I was single, I received wedding invitations (texts) of 2 exes coincidentally happening to be getting married on the same day. I left them for reasons of what I saw, though not as deep and hurting as what you saw. But then when I got their IVs, I felt inferior. I felt if I was any good, someone else would have married me or they would have come begging me to be their life partner. The reality was that they didnt. When I finally got married, I realized that God has a way of giving us what we want (most often much better than what we can dream of), when we are ready to wait and do what is right by His standards.

I totally feel your post. It is now no longer a matter of whether you made the right or wrong decision then. What matters is you know what you want and I know God will grant you the desires of your heart, and when your daughters come and meet you with related issues, you will just smile knowing that the best is yet to come in their lives.

I admire your maturity.

My dear, sorry I have been away for a while. I saw your comment on my last post. Please can you expantiate more on what you want me to do? Thanks.

Original Mgbeke said...

Nicey m: This babe you will not kill me ooo. See scenario na. LOL! Too funny...

Nefertiti: Thank you soooo. Much 'preciated. God has indeed ordered my steps, I am not sweating the small stuff.

Zena my babe: Where you been girlll? No wahala @ the no- comments, you know everyone gets busy/has committments apart from blogger.
LOL @ the long comment. I enjoyed reading that.
On Googled ex: e no easy at all o, that decision to step but thank God for will power. Hmmmm Kemberly has inspired me o, I dey wait for my own burriful surprise and shey I don tok say my bloggers will have their own aso-ebi. You must be first in line to collect. :D

On Harry Potter inspired memories: OMG that's crazy 'cos when I went for his burial and his sibs were going through his things asking me to pick whatever I wanted, I made away with his Craig David CD. Sorry to hear about losing your soul mate, these things are truly very sad. My sister, my luck seems to be running out o. I still never see any other HP's but imma be on that watch! lol

On weddings: Ok, I don't know why I thought you were Yoruba? Don't even ask...ahhh so you are Edo? I like Edo guys o. Where are your fine cousins and brothers? LOL. Bwahahahah @ funny shaped head, girlll it is too early to be laughing like this.
Amen to marriage my sister, I go personally mail out your invite. :-D

Joiceee: Thanks lady! Amen to him being on his way, errrm I hope I haven't found him 'cos I can't think of any 'eligible bachs' that I know of. Hahahahaha

Rita: I feel that! I really do...trust this is not the only ex-dude of mine who is getting married/moved on to some serious committment...at one point I used to wonder who I vexed in my past life but I'm past that. I know what I want and I know who I am...I won't settle for anything in the name of being with someone or being happy.
I truly believe that God will grant me my own hearts desires...Amen to that! Thank you so much.
I am going to scoot over to your blog to elaborate some more on the previous comment.

Rita said...

Thanks...you're perfectly clear now...

faB!! said...

hmmmm..... i'd try that googling thing. It's not a harm to find out.

And yeaa, u keep going..."what I saw...what I saw." What exactly did u see???

My dear ooh, such is life!!

Rita said...

Would u mind if i mentioned it as ur suggestion?

Rita said...

I thot you'd be the first to send in a question, lol. Will wait for you...you can drop me an email at esurunma@gmail.com before you go any where :-)

Tigeress said...

lol@ the abbs.

Have fun on ur vacation! :)

Beulah! said...

Chai!, it is well...All things work together for good...