Thursday, April 30, 2009

Stuff Britigerians/Naija people like

In my rant about Nigerians, I promised to come back and do a post dedicated to my britico people. I've decided to include Naija folk too 'cos in some areas y'all just as guilty.

For purposes of this post: Naija folk= Nigerians living in Naija.

I was going to put off doing this post, but I got new inspiration after viewing some particularly scary pictures of masquerades women at a party. I mean like damn! Their makeup was on some straight up scary ish. Upon viewing the pics, I said I bet these chicks are Jand chicks...and sho' nuff, ya girl was right!
And since we are discussing women, our numero uno item on this list is:

1. Warpaint Makeup: Britigerians/Naija folk like to approach the concept of applying makeup like they are going to war. What is up with the 4 layers of caked on foundation, the heavily penciled in eyebrows, the oh so obviously fake lashes and what have you? I am convinced that you can always spot a britigerian from afar just based on their makeup. I once went bowling with a group of people, and 2 of the girls in the mix showed up with a full face of makeup. I mean, the makeup sef would have been inappropriate for the club...it was just too much. I peeped them and thought to myself...'these chicks must be from jand' and sho' nuff they were introduced as someone's cousins from London. All I could do, was mentally chuckle.
As for Naija chicks...all I have to say is spend some time in the homeland and peep how these chicks are always ready for war. A trip to Everyday supermarket= A full face of makeup.
A trip to the drycleaners= A full face of makeup.
It got so bad that my friend swore that she stopped wearing white shirts in Lagos because after hugging everyone that she met along the way, by the time she went home her shirt was stained with random chicks' MAC, Covergirl, Bobbi Brown and what have you...and ol' girl never wears make up o.
Anyway I no blame babes sha, you might meet your husband anywhere so one always has to be prepared.

2. An extra full head of cascading curls/lacefronts that look like an animal died while crawling towards their foreheads: I mean come on people, what is up with that extra big hair that y'all be doing? Or those ridiculous looking lacefronts? There are lacefronts, and there are lacefronts. There are weaves, and there are weaves. That jacked up and overdone looking ish just adds to that overall barbie doll wey miss road look. Oh and let's not even start with the blue/green/yellow contacts. Tsk...tsk...tsk.

3. Typing with missing vowels: This one doesn't even make sense. People text you with ish like this--> 'am cumn ova 2 ur hse n i wnna c u' or 'lukn gud chica' and I'm just like amazed. Are vowels becoming extinct? If so, someone let me know so that I can launch a 'Save the vowels' campaign. A repeat offender in Nigeria tried to justify this by explaining that you are only allowed 300char per text, at a rate of N15 per text and most peeps didn't wanna spend more money than neccesary so they shortened the text. Ok, ok I hear ya but does Facebook charge N15 per wall message? Does MSN charge N15 per chat sentence? More importantly, how does it affect Britigerians, since they are the main the main repeat offenders and I'm sure the British government doesn't charge 15p per text? So many questions, so little answers.

4. Baffing up unneccesarily: Nigerians are the major culprits here. They say that it is better to be overdressed, than underdressed but man, folk to taking that one to the next level shaaaa. Gotta head out to Silverbird to catch a flick or the tailor to drop off come clothing for adjusting? Make sure you pack all your trends into one outfit o and give them your best sunday baffs. Ah ah! Make sure you incorporate the huge abortion belt, rubber wetlook leggings or a high waist mini skirt into your outfit. LOL...oh and don't forget to add 2-3 cocktail rings o!
I even hear say some babes for Naija dey give knee length boots and leather skirt to head out to a casual place. I mean, first things first...why are you wearing boots and a leather skirt in 100 degree weather? Once again, so many questions, so little answers.


5. Labels: Britigerians/Nigerians love labels. More importantly, they love labels that the whole world can see, so it will be pretty common that on your next trip to Jand/Naija, 7 out of 10 girls will be carrying logo bags; Coach being the most common of course, then Louis Vuitton and Gucci. Who cares if it's the authentic ish, or if it's the Canal street version. Any logo will do.

6. Raving about Nandos and looking down on ASOS: This applies to the Britigerians. This Nandos ehn? we no go hear word o. I musto chop this Nandos when next I enter that London side. Oh, and notice how Yankee folk like me look at ASOS and think the stuff is cute, the typical Jand person will turn up their nose and say 'Hmmmph! their stuff is kinda cheap'. I guess ASOS = America's Forever 21?

7. Weird sayings: Britigerians again. What is 'High street', 'I fancy you', 'The loo', 'Innit', 'Yeah' at the end of every sentence etc etc etc. Britigerians talk 'funny', and I always imagine that bloggers such as Word Merchant, Afrobabe, Shona, RocNaija, Scribbles, etc etc all talk pretty 'funny'. I read their blogs with a british accent in my head. :-D

8. That 'Jand Awon boy' look, as Bumight will say...You know the look now. Naija peeps kwa dey do am. It may involve some skinny pants. It may involve a velvet blazer, oh it definitely involves a popped collar here and there. Infact I am convinced that these culprits keep a steady supply of starch for such popping purposes. It may involve a shirt, unbuttoned in the right places to show a peek of a hairy chest or two. It involves quite a bit of combinations of things that in all honesty, just amaze me.
PS:- In my heart, I just know that Danny Bagucci isn't your typical jand awon boy. :-D

9. Doing effizy stuvvs like going to Jand for a weekend to shop (My Naija folk), hitting up Yankee for a weekend to shop (Jand folk), and then casually mentioning it in passing: These Naija/Jand peeps hold pay o. Abi now? I haven't come across many Yankee folks who be dashing off to Naija/Jand for a weekend talkless of to shop. Oh and it's particularly funny when Jand peeps come to Yankee and they shop. You go the store and you see Oil of Olay bodywash for $7. The jand person will say 'Oh wow, that's just 3 pounds' or 'MAC foundation for $25'...'Oh wow, that's just 13 pounds'. Meanwhile we Yankee people go enter Jand, dey hold our moni tightly. We go enter store and see a nice pair of jeans for 30 pounds...'damn, that's $60' and quietly put it back. You go even sweat to buy a drink in the club after you don calculate the pound to dollar exchange rate. Funny stuvvs sha!

10. *EDIT* Ending emails with XX or XO and saying 'Hey babes' as opposed to 'Hey babe'. (Thanks Taynement ): This is word! Britigerians/Nigerians will always sign off on emails, FB messages, texts and the like with 'take care x!' or 'Talk to you later babes, xx'. Till today I still wonder where that XX and XOXO came from. Anyone care to edumacate me?
Where did 'Babes' come from? Although I must admit that me kwa, I have picked up on the 'Babes' thing as opposed to 'Babe'. Hehehehehe

P.S:- If the shoe fits, wear it and laugh. If it doesn't, hurrayyy!

P.P.S:- Yankeegerians are perfect. Don't hate... :-o

109 comments:

ZEEEEE said...

ROFLMAO......DAYUM RIGHT ON POINT GURL. IN THE INTERIM AFTER A RECENT TRIP TO JAND I'VE STARTED TO PUT YEAH AT THE END OF EVERY SENTENCE. I LOVE IT.

Ada said...

teeheee.
useless sonborri

Anonymous said...

LOL! Good read. We've got Nandos here, though - Chinatown/7th Street NW, if I'm not mistaken.

simeone said...

you funi die....
** finally , i leave acomment on ur blog..**

Ovay West said...

Coach is most common in North America!!!
I support the save the vowel campaign. gosh!!!

CultureCynic said...

AHAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA u funny yeah! O please take it ez haba....u kno u luf it!!!and u wonder why someone said u r naijacentric, see as u just dey open ze ppl's yansh for public....my fren quit callin peeps out jo!!!! the yankee not wanting to spend in jand is too funny and true, na true u talk o...but it actually happens anywhere the dollar to whatever conversion is much more...lol...gave me a good laff as always

Rose said...

LOL......!!!!!
This is unadulterated comedy...

CultureCynic said...

p.s LMAOOOOO at warpaint.....this goes for women in general...whats with the "intense" makeup nah...is it fight.....?? clown makeup is not the bizness on anybody....!!! wake up next morning and you have the entire colour of the crayola box on your pillow sey for wetin happen..?..biko lets stop this clownery...lol

justdoyin said...

OM! u r just 2 funny...I free myself of that list oh...I be innocentee...

lol @ warpaint...

Original Mgbeke said...

Zeee: LOL, 'So you're coming over, Yeah', 'You got a martini, Yeah'. LOL, I just weak!

Ada aka A.I: You know it! Hehehehe

Anonymous: Word? Thanks for the heads up, I gosta chekirrout!

Simeone: LOL, thanks my dia.

OvayWest: Can't even front, Coach is pretty common around these parts as well.

CultureC: Nna ehn, na so I see am. I just dey observe, dey go. I can't wait for the day when the dollar go pass the pound so me kwa can go shopping in Jand and just be buying and buying.

Rose: Hehehehe, Thankee.

CultureC: Nna e get this babe for FB, everytime I look at her pics I just dey WEAK. I'm like who are her friends? Why do they let her go out like this? Odikwa risky!

JustDoyin: Hahahaha, Hurrayyy for the innocentees. If you know any guilty parties warn them o! Tell them say make dem take thia time. :-D

Danny BaGucci said...

LOL... U know u just won yourself two new anonymous readers?

Hillarious... I'm sat at the back of one of the most boring Geotechnics classes of all time and I read the list trying to suppress the ineluctable giggle whilst flanked by two dudes. Dude 1 relates to the typing with missing vowels, dude has a story about overdressed Naija babes in knee length boots...

But maybe its all in the quest of being cool?

LOL @ Me not being your typical awon jand boy.. Flesh and blood did not reveal that to u! lol...

Anonymous said...

funny how u alway go ' nigerian girl this and that' its funnier how u go about generalizing these things without a care in the world. well what can i say ...u are a perfect non nigerian nigeria since are always doing the spoting. lol
too tired to sign on my id anyways.
cheers

Original Mgbeke said...

Danny B: Hahahaha, tell them that I said heyyy. I don't even know what it is, it's just heeelarious.
Hmm hmm I am convinced o!

Anonymous: My dia if you wan talk your talk, sign in with ya blog ID and talk am. I welcome all comments/criticsm/insults..LOL. Lighten up honey, it's not that serious. All in good fun.

Zeeeee said...

On the flip side...I have a LF and I rock it with pride biko....loving my baby hair...LOL

Kate said...

OMG..dat iz 2 fun-e cuz i no ppl dat do it 2. CRAP..i'm sure i messed that up. I HATE IT...it irritates the hell out of me..

um..aunty..what is cocktail ring? and nandos? I thought ASOS was the Joint? hmmm...i need jand friends
lol@ "something died crawling towards their foreheads"

Original Mgbeke said...

Zeeeee: I didn't protest against LF's. I protested against the scary looking ones.

Kate: Hw cud u mess dat up?
Hia! Cocktail ring na those rings with the big stones/embellishments. Nandos must be some restaurant/fastfood joint. LOL, you def. need jand friends.

CultureCynic said...

LMAO at does she have any friends.....akwaya....friends should not let friends wear clown makeup...lol but then again if all your friends themselves also graduated from clown polytechinic...u own don finish b that...

u know how many times, i ve ducked out of a photoup cuz i dont want to be associated with clownry...is that wrong of me???? i really just want to help u kno, but i guess we cant save them all. do boys even like girls in makeup???? so why bother????lol

CultureCynic said...

@ EDIT: xx means kiss kiss
xo kiss and hug....

(u r welcome babes) LOL



toodles,
cheers.

LOL

BSNC said...

Original M you will not kill me ooo.. chei you funny die, but you are right..lol

why are you wearing boots and a leather skirt in 100 degree weather? babes i mean babe help me ask them oo.

lol britegerian you don even give them name..

norring do yankeegeria jo.. you naijacentric finish..lol

Zena said...

Mgbeke, I swear say you no go kill me this girl, you gorrit babe,

Even though I'm guilty of typing babes as well and the xx, I picked up from a Jand friend, lmao....

Where am I supposed to start from?
lol, ok...I swear yankee babes do make-up ooh! but awon jand girls take it to another level, and the LW as well, even though our yankee chicks are slowly joining their jand friends.

That baffing up thing is so annoying, but if you cant beat them join them abi? I went to naija, wearing a tank top and a skirt, my cousin told me I was embarrasing her unnecessarily, that who would believe I just came from NY?lol

Haba, Nigerians are label whores and I think its always been like that, its just that whole thing about "arriving"and not being left out, though I think Coach is bigger here in the states.

haba Mgbeke, high street na like the main street nah, free dem small on that one, we sef we get our own, even though I tried that yeah thing, my friends made fun of me, I stop am sharp!sharp

lol, Mgbeke your mad sha, I loooovvvee this mehn!lol

Zena said...

sorry 4 the long response, infact i deleted some of the comments I made, lol....you no go kill me ooh!

CultureCynic said...

I baff up 8days a week, is that bad?????LMAO

Repressed One said...

lol you don come again this babe...
#1/4...always amazes me. these babes will wear makeup/baff up to go empty the trash.
#3...LOL, i don't get this one and it irks me to no end. I understand shorten words for laziness or convenience but good lawd them to do. ARGH!!
#6...and the sad thing be sey the Nando's food ain't even all that. and na both jand/naija babes dey halla nandos. lol@ looking down at Asos
#7...lol me i quite like some of their weird jand-sayings sha...
#9...hahahahah@"for 30 pounds...'damn, that's $60' and quietly put it back." AMEN!!
#10...lol...me ma sef no know where 'babes' come from but i like it and i'm guilty.

Repressed One said...

***and jand pple almost always speak 'phonee'...like una no dey tire? I can understand putting one up at work but with your friends too? lol funny stuvvs

Original Mgbeke said...

Culture: BABES...LOL, no mind them o. You are not wrong at all, me kwa I try to stay away from such pictures before they assume that I am suspect kwa. These guys ehn, they claim they don't like makeup but we go see say na another tori.
Thanks BABES, oh so na kiss kiss and kis hug wey im mean ehn? Ok o!

BSNC: Nne biko help me ask them o. Meanwoos as per Britigerians, na from Gossip Girl Nigeria wey I learn that one so na she go take the credit.

Zena: LOL no probs! I no mind the long comments as I like to read anyway. Hia! Our Yankee sisters don dey join with the LF's o...I mean like I told Zeee I no mind am but man some LF's be looking really suspect! Like I said, there are LF's and there are LF's.
So which one be our own High street na? Wetin be high street sef? Where im dey?
Why you delete comments na? LOLLL

Repressed: Hahahah and you know it! Mgbeks don land with the 'calling out' as they say. LMAO @ baffing up to take out the trash, Hia maybe dem fit make love connection with another cutie who coincidentally is also taking out the trash.
I no mind those sayings at all, it is funny talk but still kinda cute. I musto chop this Nandos o...
LOL, another 'babes' sayer.

Original Mgbeke said...

LOLLL, shey I tok say within 1 month of living in Jand, awon homies and babes go don acquire one new type of funee. The thing just dey make me weak.

Anonymous said...

LOLLLLLLLLLL!! Allow us now...I agree with a few things and disagree with others....I'm sorry but things are sooo cheap over those sides, we ate out in NY everyday. As for the weaves I agree, people make investments in hair like its the housing market or something....as for me I keep in natural. ASOS is a No No, where clothing is considered, I agree with label bags but no one wears coach bags...AT ALL....I think the British guys generally dress better though, at least give us that prize.

LOL @ the "Babes" thing!

leggy said...

nice post....i didnt particularly like the generalization,i tot the word 'some' would have done the trick cos i just came to jand this year and i cant even relate with what u said about naija girls in nigeria cnt say for the britigerians.i actually like the babes and the xx and xo and i love the british accent....and i dnt go to a black school but i recently went to a party in one and their baffing up was another whole level and i wished that i had gone for the 'better to be dressed up bit'.
nigerians believe in if uve got it spend it,after all u no go carry money enter grave.
as for the yankee nigerians...i hate it when they say they dnt tlk to other nigerians therefore they get even bigger comma sef,cs the jand nigerians dey proudly naija!!!!
nice post though!!

p.s:u used yankee as america rite?

leggy said...

wen i say i came to jand i mean the states..this jand yankee stuff confuses me.but in the last paragraph i used jand for britain and yankee for the states.

downtheaisle said...

ROFLMAO...you have come again, u r d original mgbeke. But this time u dey hard on we naija gbogbo big gelz...

lol @ Britigerians/Naija folk like to approach the concept of applying makeup like they are going to war. ( I support u 100% on dis)

olu said...

Mgbeke, you are the ish. Observant to the core and I love it. The term Britgerians reminds me of some sleazy blog that I love(d). I know. Wonder what happened to it.

#1. I feel you on this. Haba!! Girls showing for an 8:00am class looking like they spent the last 3 hours painting themselves - and turn out SCARY.

#5. God made them that way; they can't help it.

#6. I'm guilty of the "yeah" thing. Free me jare; Ludacris is/was my hero.

#10. I'm guilty as charged. I call my mother "mums." I wonder where I picked that from.

Original Mgbeke said...

Anonymous: Top shop nko? Is that cool? I think their stuff is cute too. Make I dey learn so I no go enter jand and disgrace myself.
Britico guys no bad at all sha, make I give una that prize. LOL

Leggy: My lil disclaimer about if the shoe fits na im na. LOL, yeah I used jand as britain and yankee as naija. Well feel free to call us Yankeegerians out anytime, t'will definitely be entertaining to read about our ways. :-D

Downtheaisle: Hahahaha, sorry no one is exempt from the Mgbeks finishing. Even me sef, fit chop finishing if I dey guilty of anything.

Olu: Thank you sireeee. The blog must be the Gossipgirl Nigeria, wetin happen to that blog sef? Aniwoos LMAO @ chicks arriving for 'war' at 8:00 in the morring. This means say babes must have woken up at 6am to start to prepare. Odikwa risky o!
Ludacris yeah go different from Jandom yeah I am sure...hmmm? Must pay more attention to Luda's lyrics next time. At least you aint screaming 'yeahhhh' like Lil Jon.

AnyaPosh said...

mgbeks, you don come again. Which one be this now..but true talk. That Jand Awon boys look is right on point jare. The skinny/fitted pants & the V-neck shirts with some chest hair popping or basically shaved chest sef. Anyhow..I'm guilty of all those 'hey babes' & XOXOs. how we go do? sometimes, it's all too necessary, innit?! LMAO. But I know you love it sha.

CultureCynic said...

but am sorry Jand is funner than Yankee, owu m kwuo ya key moto m efuo!!! LMAOOOOO....Yankeeeeeee my bum!!

signed,
troublemaker!!

:P

mizchif said...

Mrs Kolo!
LWKM @ warpaint and "animal died while crawling to front of head"

But for true those jand ppl and make up ehn....i can't even shout.
Then my naija girls and their overdressing, hmmm, me i like it sha....free entertainment, anyday you are bored, just play siddon look at the palms and you are sure to find one babe in thigh high boots complete with leather outfit.

Plus u forgot to add "mate"
"oy mate! I see you walking down the road innit!"

mizchif said...

Ah, it's a lie oh, you yankee ppl have ur own scoin scoin, plenty sef, so go and do ur research and come and reveal all!

ibiluv said...

lol at war paint

i dont get it myself

never have.......never will........

Geebee said...

lol @ the word 'Britigerians' and really, most (all, infact) of the points you noted are true and I can't help wondering what with the imitation and trying to be someone else. Pity that virtually all of us are guilty of this one way or the other. Well you won't blame us now, would you? There's always that tendency to want to be like someone (or group) that generally surpass you in standards. It sucks though that in the process of imitation, some mess up the whole concept beyond words.

L-VII said...

Ehh, hun I am a Brit Nigerian and I cannot identify with anything you've said, lol.

Could it be that I am just extra sensitive because I feel like you are talking about 'us'. I dunno.....


Oh, yes I can relate to one thing you said, $30 does equal £20 to me, lol no be my fault o.....

L.

L-VII said...

LOl, I just read this again, this is so funny, bloody hell. I am gonna send this to my friend.

Go easy on us!!!!!!!

L.

scribble,me.free said...

interesting take...i might refer to this post in my next post

Naked soul said...

u made my day with this post.... ur so right!!!!!!! jand and naija people can so overdress. i love going to the grocery store in my tracks and flip flops, dont think i can get away with that in london or nigeria? lol @ 4layer make up and people wear boots in nig? Lord have mercy!
and i totally adore asos.....

ShonaVixen said...

Hmmm, i have two audio posts on blog...u can stop reading wiv an accent!!
I do one x to some-one not so close to me....and then xxx to a close friend..yup its either one or 3..lol!!

Wonderfully & Beautifully...MADE said...

nna men this babe..u hit the nail on the head again innit?..lol...ok so i am guilty as charged...i say innit wuite a lot.joke sha...i say babes a whole lot...but i do will not wear a cocktail dress with some heels, with oancake on my face to the movies....lol...@ the boots,..now thats funny..i saw genevive nnaji wear that this one time..but she was a local champion then sha....lol...as for the missing words when typing..babes i do that a lot sha haba..(free us now)...plus yes the makeup thing with naija girls...a bit much most of the time...the hair..(yes i agree)...and the designer bag(yes i agree)..but fake sha..errr babes..NO..NO FAKES...i would rather buy aldo than buy a fake designer sha..i can't shout..a bit tacky

ps:..why are you too funny..you and uchenna should go and do stand up comedy with your boys now..baby face(thats his name abi?)..and the rest of them...

Jayla. said...

i put xx's and i say babes....... but my money never long to go jand for the weekend only.. actually av done a weekend trip to naij. Damn, guilty as charged

LoloBloggs said...

LMAO@ Jand/Britgerian...I've been called Anglo-Naija, N.O.S (Naija Over-Seas) and even straight up Oyinbo...but Britgerian takes the biscuit (yes I have just thrown another Brit nonsense-ism there ;-)

*sigh, how many Naija boys do I know with the suede jacket from Zara....too many! Don't forget the suits and sneakers/plimsols thang...its the latest one!

bumight said...

lol, now i see where Scribbs is coming from!
u def hit the nail on the head. i personally dont get the using up all ur money to buy a label bag, and drinking the garri for the next one or two months!

Nice Anon said...

FUCKING HELL. MGBAFO will not kill me oohhhhhhhhhhhh. Let me go and read first!

Nice Anon said...

That is eh. Pipo in jand get different levels ooh. Just enter tube na so babes go just dress up. They are just going to asda ooh. Na waya ooh. I tire for jand pipo. Top shop is cool and Next is another cool one.

I don't even know which one to quote or to laugh about. All of them are funny . hahahahahahahahaahahahhhhhhhhhhhahaha

Scarlet said...

my friends and i were almost rolling all over the floor reading this. you probably haven't meet the other type of people over here cuz i can't idenify with any of the point. but then again i am weird like that

Mutekuro said...

I know what you mean yeah? or ! never could understand if the inflection was a question or an affirmation that you do know what is meant.

Mutekuro said...

Betti come oh. this make up thing na from naija. Remember when you would pour brown powder or tony montana and use it to rub your face before going out. Before people graduated to Fashion Flair and Co. Naija women just generally like Ako (Fashion Parade). If you wake up for morning no wear powder people go ask you whether you dey sick.

faB!! said...

I noticed that too. U can tell a difference from girls in the UK and girls in the USA.
UK girls always have tons and tons of make up on. Only a few don't which I rarely ever see.

Thanks to Facebook, you see loads of their caked up faces and I'm like "Seriously, did they look at this and it looked cute to them?"
And I'd try to justify their looks by saying, "Well, they are on a different continent. Maybe that's how things are done there."lol

They are just way too over sophisticated for the most causal events.

PS: And xx is kisses.
xoxo.... is hugs and kisses.....:)!!

bob-ij said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bob-ij said...

LOOOOL.>>why do you always bring up the funniest...truest topics...lol... I give up! As for the Babes?? yes, it is a concept we North Americans may never understand..lol

I admit to picking up "x!" solely because of my fellow Canadian babe!..


x! (see what I'm saying)..lol

MPB said...

"xoxo gossip girl" I love "xoxo," we got that fom British colonization. People take the whole brand name, fashionista thing to a whole new level...I have never understood it.

Original Mgbeke said...

AnyaPosh: LOL, I secretly love some of it. What you think about that, yeah. Hahahaha...nna fashy those Jand awon boys o. I just lose hope!

CultureC: You don come with ya trobu, abeg carry go before man pikin pour hot acid for that ya fine face. :-D

MizChif: Nna ehn, I suppose enter that Palms for some people watching this xmas. shey you dey waka go Jand soon, biko come back with ya own observations o. Hahahaha
I think say you dey Yanks? Abi na Canada you dey? Call us out anytime, its all in good fun.

Ibiluv: Me kwa, I no get am o.

Geebee: Na so we see am, make peeps know how to copy with style and not mess up the whole concept of the kini.

L-VII: I'm glad you read it again and found the humor. I find humor in most things and will make a joke out of anything so make una no dey vex for thia o.

Scribbles: ehn ehn, we don hear you o.

Nakedsoul: For real, but even for Naija I go try wear some jeans and cute tee..not an entire outfit to make a store run. LOL

Shona: Will scoot over and checkiroutt. Point taken, now when my Jand peeps use x rather than xxx, I go harass them. Hehehehe

Wonderfully&Beautifully: LOL, I aint even mad at you. You sabi the ones wey you dey do, and you no send. Hahahaha, LOL @ cocktail dress with makeup. I would totally faint if I was someone rocking that. And LOL @ Genny being the local champion that she used to be.
My dear, we dey try o. Who is babyface? I am so out of touch with these comedians.

Jayla: Hahahaha! You see? Guilty! :-D, no wahala me sef I would like to take a weekend trip to one of these places myself. Nothing do you o jare.

LoloBloggs: Twas from GGNaija o, she always said 'Britigerians'. Man o man, those are your jand awon boys o. With their Zara jacket and plimsols. I mean, that kain dressing just takes the 'biscuit'. lmaooo

Bumight: Ehnn imagine, as I dey rock my 'Gushi leathers', na to go house dey soak garri and chop noodles. Abeg o!

Nice Anon my sister: Make I no kill you o, I need someone to be laughing with in this blogsville. I remember baffs from Next, we dey find them for BDB (bend down boutique). I also like RiverIsland and Mango, dunno if they are shops or just labels. lol @ asda.

Scarlet: Actually I have, my peeps are innocentias. But these na some of the peeps wey I dey observe and my P.S said if the shoe doesn't fit then hurrayy. So Hurraay for you and your girls. :D

Mutekoro: You don KILL me with laugh. You tok say na Tony Montana. Heeelarious! Peeps go ask if you sick, LOL. Well I guess it all started from somewhere. lollll

FaB: Thank you my sister, 'cos come peeps wan act like say I am just trying to murder awon london peeps. Na so we dey observe am na, must be how things are done over in that area. Hahahahaha
Thanks for the heads up!

Bob-Ij: Yes, you do say X! LOL...*ahem*, I just dey observe dey go o. :-p

MPB: Ahh gotcha! Yes o, brand name and fashionista is really being taken to level 2. But let folk continue, it allows folk like me to be able to write up blog entries like this. Haha

Bibi said...

gurlllll, you are sumtin else! true word though. i feel you on the make up o! when i'm on whites, i don't hug my friends sry. lol

Nice Anon said...

LMAO! Culture C sey she dey baff up 8 days a week! How many days dey for a week na?

The more i read this thing eh the more i dey laugh my ass off! I gotta meet you one day for sure!

Bia ooh but high street na city center abi? I hear sey shoprite for Lag don turn to night club because chics dey over baff up dey do dia. My dear odikwa very serious ooh

I no tink sey anybody fit touch "some"chics in naija. Infact eh Stella Obasanjo( RIP) no even reach. This one na serious pancake and na that kain " make up agwula n'ahia" kinda makeup.

Nice Anon said...

If persin see as you call am BDB dem go tink sey na one serious boutique. Story! U eh.. I just love you jare!

RocNaija said...

Chei.. Chei.. See discrimination against all things Britico & Naija..


Na lie!! Lasgidi boys no dey carry last..

I need to start a rebuttal campaign against all stereotypical Britigerian comments..

"We no go gree oh!
We no go gree oh!
"

kmplx said...

*chuckles* somethings will never change... the overdressed thing just KILLS me.

In my head and around me said...

For me it is those vowels. If you send me a text in shorthand chances are that I am not going to read it. So if you are dying and need me to call a doctor, type it in longhand.

Some boy that went to jand for a year came back and started talking like he had potatoes in his mouth. It was Hilarious! to watch the contortions his face went through before his mouth could produce a word.

Great list, jare!

wordmerchant said...

lol!!! you got us on some points..the make up and the hair!

When you come to london i will take you to nandos to chop chicken.

Ms. Royal Reigns said...

OM, you just straight put these peeps on blast, girl! And you were trying to be all nice with it. My friend, these are your pet peeves! LMAO! Anywho, I would like to add to your list:
1) Wearing sunglasses at night or in the club/lounge/house party(!): This applies to both Naija blokes, Jand blokes and yes, even Yankeerigians (sorry, OM...lol). Biko, a beg, please stop. You ain't Puffy. You ain't Jay-Z. Shit, you ain't even Ray-J. (Oh and please believe I don't like it on celebrites, either. I just don't like it...period). You are a commoner just like me. Wearing black shades makes you look cool, right? Au contraire. You look WACK. And trust, someone is making fun of you.

Anywho, back to your post -
#3 kills me. Like it burns me up inside and melts me inwards. I don't understand how or why this became such a fad in Jand and Naija. Infact, I blame it in on Shortcodes Lessons. When I look at all the shortcodes upon a Jand's message, I'm always thinking that doesn't it take more time to figure out how to shortened words? Or is it like a 2nd language to them?
#4 I would never forget a friend of mine that visited Nigeria for the 1st time since leaving there at the age of 8. This girl is the epitome of laid back. So that means are dress sense is laid back. One of her story was when she wanted to head to the store to grab a couple of items. Her cousins decided they wanted to go to. She just put on some jeans, t-shirt & flip-flops and called it a day. Meanwhile, her cousins hit her with a mixture of skinny jeans, bustier tops, plaid shirts, wedges, platform shoes, chandelier earrings, warpaint makeup & logo bags. All in the name of going to a grocery store. And again, I so agree with these poor unfortunate Naija girls sweltering up in some knee high LEATHER boots. And trust, someone is making fun of you.
#9 Aww, I honestly would do the whole conversion thing, too, if my money is worth more than Yankee's money. I mean, I suffered when I went to London during the peak of the Dollar's uselessness.

p.s. What's ASOS?

Buttercup said...

dang..u totally killed them yo!

i can just imagine a britigerian doing a post on u yankee peeps..let me sit back and watch the 'war' unfold..hehehe

CultureCynic said...

PLEASE do an Americana one quick quick......lets disperse the chastisizing....!!! (chanting) DO IT DO IT!!!lol

Zya F. said...

LMAO!! HIlarious and so so on point.. but I must say Nandos is the bizness, I need to check out the one in DC.. and War Paint, LOL!! Some people miss their crayons from kiddie days!

SouLBoutiQue said...

Being that I am a YANKEE BABE till I die, unforunately being over here I have picked up many slangs...sigh! and I am not ashamed babes! ;). But you are soo right, Jand babes na swear for labels (not that I don't love designers cause I do TRUST) but damn! They take it too far, walk into the library I love your bag! I am like umm thanks?!? And omo the Nando's thing is sooo over-rated! I wanted to pukk! I was like is this what you people are raving about? and that ish cost like Ten pounds per meal yes twenty bucks girl, where is the carry-out, lol! and yes you guessed it! I stay converting!

Everyone in school knows me as the converter. You say a pair of shoes cost 50 pounds I will say hell naw that is freaking almost $100!!! I will get it in yankee. and please I shop at ASOS and primark topshop and even selfridges. Man these jand babes stay thinking they are fly because they shop at certain stores..."I begge sit down jare!" I can shop vintage and outshine you! *side eye*.

As per the make up, You forgot to add that Nigerians girls that bleach and ones that put on dark lip liner when they are LIGHT!! I don't get it, I just don't get it at all! sigh....

Thank God I am a Yankee babe...aka Nigerian- American! Man I was reading in the library and you got me choking in here of laughter, sigh. anyway when you land for Jand oh make sure you buzz babes, lmao!

right on point!!!

Jaycee said...

Lol...I've had these same thoughts about Nigerians in jand before...(i.e. caked up foundation, warpaint/make-up, and overdressing)...

...but above that, many dress better than yankee peeps sha...let me give them the credit...LOL.

J'Adore Fashion said...

LMAO, i just can't stop laughing, especially @ "Make sure you incorporate the huge abortion belt, rubber wetlook leggings or a high waist mini skirt into your outfit" --i can't stand those "abortion belt" on every single top, dresses, aunties, sisters, gosh! everything...
the "baffing up" thing in naija is so crazy. I can't even wear a flipflop out without the evil eye LOL!!!--
some of the "britigerian" that spend so much here is because of the exchange rate, but when they are back to uk, they don't even spend that much; same as people here.
nice laugh
am guilty of the xx and xoxo ( i have no idea where i picked it)
xx

FFF said...

2 go jand 4 weekend shopping! i want, i want. lol

i tot d XOXO thing was 4rm Gossip Girls. First time i heard it was 4rm dia.

FFF said...

One more thing, I just started a new blog, BAMBINA (http://idreamtofu.blogspot.com) It’s more like a baby/mom blog & I eagerly need contributors. So, if you have any story u want to share or know anyone who does, please send me a mail. Details are at d blog: Thanks a bunch.

Rene said...

ROTFLMFAO!!!!
It was too hard 2 finish reading you post cuz i kept laughing after each 1.
War paint...haba!
I might be guilty of some though(xo, babes, save the vowels....lol) but this was right on point!

joicee said...

lollls
*abortion belts* what do they look like?

Yeah whats up with the nandos rave abeg..I will(must)visit that place when I am in the u.k

Writefreak said...

I'm ROTTFL...very funny!
You know i so agree with you, like the make up one oh God! And the missing vowels, i'nm reading and wondering, does this sound right to this person?
And all those trips in and out, i tire...i still don't get why pple say babes instead of babe also..ok i could go on and on...you cracked me up men!

Tiwa said...

Ahn ahn OB did you eat my comment that I put here b4??
After putting us on blast you will not allow me to comment??

lol..ok sha a lot of what you said is true..I think nigerians in nigeria are definitely more guilty of the war paint thing and the overdressing thing. They kill me in silver bird everytime. We in jand we don't overdress, we dress to impress! lol n the jand awon boys look is an art..alot of them try but they don't get it right. However when it is done right..phew!

n pls nando's is the ish yeah!!

Anonymous said...

since when did nando's become s'thing to rave about?
i am at odds here with your naija/jand analysis, but pardon me, weren't you based in naija before you moved state side? i want to know if you were like the naija girls you mock before your eye open?
so, maybe the average jand chick wouldn't roll out of bed and wear track suit and flip flops to the supermarket or is it 'grocery store? why must one look so raggedy? i think its good to look presentable. I have to agree that some over dress, so the key here is appropriate dressing.
with regards to lace wigs, i never did understand why people will pay so much to look like trannies, and this applies to yankee babes as well. you all want to copy celebs. na wa o!
it is only the razzzz naija's that say yeah, and babes... it is wrong on all levels. esp. babes.
but you naijaricans, what is all the 'DAYUM' AND 'Y'ALL' and all that American drawl making you all sound like retard, plus the one's that will do it with 'h' factor.
Abeg naija's are all the same everywhere, we lose our identity to fit in, even in our country. Now the rave is to be claiming vintage everywhere. I remain a strict designer chic where i can afford it... abeg!!! xoxo, xxx, laters babes, whateverrrrrrrrrrr...lol!!!

mochahourglass said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mochahourglass said...

Haha. #1- VILE. I agree 1000%.Where the FUCK are you going looking like that, please? Just like you, I can spot a Jand chick in a line-up. Just look for dry, brittle busted weave, hazel contact, and a face washed in foundation. As in, I really believe they pour foundation into their hands and apply it in a circular motion.

#2- Hehehe..what about the Britgerians that go completely polar opposite..as in NO weave..they just wear their hair out. Nothing wrong with that, quite all right..but the babes ;) that leave their natural hair all dry and brittle and then try to "fly" or "fall" it with one ashy part like that..Babes ;), YOU.ARE.NOT.WHITE. BIKO, swiftly take a pressing comb to dat joint!There is no happy median between PERMED/PRESSED hair and NATURAL hair! Unfort, you have to be on one or the other end of the spectrum (unless you're mixed..then the lines are blurred). I see this ridiculousness occur more with Britgerians than Yankeegerians.

#7-I DO LOVE Britgerians slangs though..gotta give 'em that. All the "yeah" and "innit"'s are soo cute :).

Nefertiti said...

ROTFL... Luckily, I am only guilty of overdressing to work. I just cannot becos I am a geek, now look like someborry died... I try, I try, I just can't help it... oh and I catching up to the babes thing too... Lace front weave? tufiakwa.. I straight up told a girl friend of mine that she looked like a tranny, and to burn that weave...

Hella funny stuff!

AnyaPosh said...

I take personal offense to mochahourglass's comment. I'm not in the UK, but Canada. I wear my hair natural, sometimes I rock a full-out afro so I cannot tolerate when people say that you should press natural hair because it's 'unsightly' in her opinion. What the heck is up with that kinda mentality?

Miss Mochahourglass, whether you're biracial or your hair grows out straight from its roots, don't make that claim that straight hair is better than natural afro hair because that's just plain ignorant. And I bet your real hair texture is an afro so just because you can't deal with it, don't dump your reservations on other people.

I'm not a natural hair Nazi but I hate comments like these pressed/relaxed hair vs. natural hair debates. Seriously, it's sickening.

Anyway, Mgbeks I don't really want to start another post within your post, so I've kept it short :)

Tairebabs said...

LMAO!!! I am a yankeegerian but I am guilty of so many things on that list o. Where do I start from???

Did a very big...no not big huge hair a few weeks ago...my brother saw me and asked me "you go London". It was too funny.

This vowel you guys want to save why now. I like the abbreviation o. I hate when people use innit...I HATE IT...innit ko!!

I am not a fan of fake eyelashes. Never was and never will be.

Today's ranting said...

You crack me up!

StandTall-The Activist said...

The make up, label and Yankee trips really hit home. I do wonder about these stuff too

Olufunke said...

I had a good laugh.
Very interesting.
you are right plus me I am wearing an abortion belt now.

Me sef tire for the missing vowels thing, so many people are so used to it, they even write official things in short hand form.

you are right as per the over dress one too,....no blame us, we gat to dress just to do to the mall or to the supermarket...you never can tell :-)

and we can really go to Jand for breakfast and then have a quick lunch in Yankie, spend the night at Burj al Arab in Dubai then return to the office the next day in Naija.

Make I stop her.....I agree with you on all
nice one!

Beulah! said...

O/M, u funny no be small!!!..but na true u talk finally...

U too much!

CultureCynic said...

unless u want me to keep coming back here to start more trobu...update ozugbo ozugbo.....lol.i read this again for the nth time...and read all the comment backs...really hilarious ish!!! side eye to the peeps who think where they shop matters....no one cares jare...just look good, who gives a crap where u get ur baffs from...ok i think i kno what am gonna talk about next....LOL

signed,
'baffin up 8days a wk'...
choms!

:P

Original Mgbeke said...

Bibi: I no blame you. Abeg TIDE detergent dey expensive for the market. Hehehehe

NiceAnon: Tell me abourrrit. We have to meet very soon 'babes'. Hehehehe. I just laughed @ Shoprite turning into Night club, that one na serious risky business o. As per that Stella Obasanjo and pancake, I remember when 'I go die', that naija comedian come crack that joke about 'Obyyy, don't ban pancake o'. LMAO...You too funny my sister!

RocNaija: It's all love o jare. All these my yarns no dey spiteful o, I will gladly appreciate a post about us Yankeegerians. LOL

Kmplx: Na your people be that o. Tell them...lol

Inmyhead: Those vowels really kill me. LOL @ potatos, I always say that they talk like they have hot yam in their throat. Thanksss!

Wordmerchant: Please carry me thia o. I wanna shop shicken and maybe I will come back raving about it.

RoyalReigns: Hahahah, I tried to be nice na! Man those shades in the club, I can't even knock them 'cos we Yankeegerians are so guilty. That ish isn't even cute. ASOS is a store in Jand o...like Topshop them.

Burrzcup: Hahahaha, war ke? I will laugh sha. We yankeegerians get our own scoin-scoin like Mizchif said.

Culture: No o, before some people jump on me tok say I too dey yab Naija folk. You do it. :D

ZyaF: Ya know! 'Babes', we need to find the Nandos in DC o. Make we go chop...

SoulBoutique: LOL, I was waiting for you to land with your own perspective. Hehehehe, I hear these Jand folk really look down on Primark, is that like America's walmart? Abeg I go enter shop if the baffs fine o jare. Shuooo...nothing do me.
I no blame you o, I'd hella stay converting to if it was me. Sometimes I wish the dollar would just pass the pound so I can go to London and get my shop on too.

Jaycee: Aha! So I'm not alone on this. LOL, well to be honest I say the guys can dress. I'll need to check the females out some more sha before I draw a conclusion.

J'adore: Yes you do sign off with xx. lol...I bet every Britigerian wants to come to Yanks and shop till they drop. I don't blame them sha. Hehehehe...Yeah those abortion belts with every outfit is just ridiculous.

FFF: Me too I want o. I will check out the blog and forward it to anyone who comes to mind.

Rene: No probs, no one is perfect. :-D. I'm glad you saw the humor in it.

Joicee: Those big wide belts that people wear. Please go to this Nandos and get back at us o.

Writefreak: Ya know! That vowel thing really kills me, I am convinced that any man I meet who types in that manner will lose some real cool points. I do say babes o, don't know who I picked it up from sha. Gotta love our Britigerians and Naija folk!

Tiwa: At all na, if I put you on blast then you gosta comment and talk your own piece. LOL, ok so you feel me naaa. Hehehehe, I do agree that when the JAB look is done right it looks good, but a whole bunch of people fail terribly.
BTW, I chuckled at your inserting 'yeah' at the end of the Nandos comment. LOL

Original Mgbeke said...

Anonymous: LOL, I wasn't jooo. Hehehehe, but yo I'm serious you jand folk do be raving about Nandos. LOL @ looking raggedy to the grocery store, well must you wear your sunday's baffs kwa? Haba!
Like you said appropriate dressing is the key.
But girl you killing me with the 'Dayum' and 'Ya'll' and H factor. LMAOOOOO...I agree, some of us do sound very foolish when we try to blow funee with thick naija accents. Hahahahaha
And true talk! The rave is to be claiming vintage amongst us...oh well, the true and original vintage shoppers know themselves. Make them continue. Good comment tho.
xoxo babes! LOL

Mochahourglass: Girl you went HARD. LOL @ dry brittle, busted weave and contacts. Heeelarious! I wan laugh die!
And in reference to the dry brittle hair, did you just say 'fly' it, reminding me of secondary school daze.

Nefertiti: I aint mad at you o jare, nurring do you. Nothing wrong with dressing up, my own be say sometimes it's just unneccesary like the person tried too hard etc etc.

AnyaPosh: My sister abeg no vex, reading it...to my understanding it seemed that she meant people with permed hair that needs a touchup, or not moisturized. You know how when we had permed hair and the hair was 'due' for a relaxer so she trynna say there is no medium between full out permed hair or full out natural. I too have natural hair and that's how I read it.
Ms. Mocha you can also expantiate further.

Tairebabes: LMAO, see as London people don gather rep. LOL @ you go london? please o we have to save the vowels cos the abbrevation ish is just off the hook!

Today's ranting: LOL, I'm glad that I do.

Standtall: Ehn ehn, no be only me wey dey wonder.

Olufunke: LOL @ the abortion belt. That's what I'm saying o, you just never know who you might meet and you don't wanna look like a housegirl. ;-)
Naija peeps just got it like that, dey waka and travel anyhow. Gotta love it!

Beulah: Hahahaha, na so we see am my sister. Glad I could amuse you o.

Culture my favorite troublemaker: LOL, I am anticipating your post. Trouble woman, the whole kini and the comments truly are amusing.

Thanks everyone for the comments.

*Diane* said...

i know i'm late on commenting even tho this is like my 7th time reading this and lmao each, i even sent it to my british cousins. Hilarious as always :-)

Tay-mee said...

lol..warpaint..wicked sumbori, but really people no matter where they are will always apply warpaint(when they are not going to war of course). They just need someone to show them the way.

Oh and the baffing up unnecessarily ehn, I'm yet to understand.

naija shawty said...

i can even laff, i swear this is tres. i need to go to jand and expereience that britinigerian aura. lol

mochahourglass said...

AnyaPosh- I think you misunderstood me. OM pretty much explained it exactly how I meant it...I'll expantiate/reiterate for clarity :).. I meant girls that perm or straighten their hair and don't upkeep it..hence, it ends up looking really silly cuz part of it is straight and the other part is mad frizzy/puffy/ridiculous looking...then they proceed to just wear it looking like that.and try to amp it up with a part. lol. I don't look down on natural hair... I myself, haven't had a perm in about 5 years. I LOVE natural hair actually...and have contemplated just wearing my hair out (unpressed) and twisted..cuz it has a natural grain now. I think afros are hot :).

(In the spirit of this post)..CHEERS BABES :)

AnyaPosh said...

awww Mgbeks and mochahourglass, I love you ladies! I've been reading a lot of ish about natural hair on the net lately so that's why I must've misunderstood your comment, Mocha. Thanks for the elaboration. I'm glad there are natural sistas in the 9ja community. There are so few of us. Mocha, you need to get on board for real, yeah. you'll love it babes! ;)

CultureCynic said...

another day, yet another add on comment....trying to make the comments count get to 150 or some high number like that.....lol

PLEASE do an Americana one....PLEASE...i want to comment and laugh please for me....i promise i wont be mean about the comments or cynical or even cultural as a matter of fact, i will LMAO silently....Do it Do it, cuz if you don't u will just be a biased sombori who made CC beg and plead, do u want that on your conscience????

LOL at mocha and Anya "sqaushing' the chicken (not beef)...eh yah...see Mgbeafo...u r bringing the earth together with your writings....now saturate the chastizing, so everyone can feel included...

(u really dont want me to keep coming back here do you???do you??? oya comply and oblige....lol)

eyeshadowjunkie.blogspot.com said...

U too funny this ge.....

u are very right about britigerian chics and the use of make up. Those chics are on another level......

Lol.@ War against vowels..

this post is a hit....

Nice Anon said...

I'm the ONLY one allowed to call my sister Mgbafo. Cynic take note! LMAO!

CultureCynic said...

obligatory add on post...#99...Nice Anon has warned me o....LOL...warning contemplated and IGNORED!!!! LMAOOOO...actually i am in a giving mood today....so since Mgbeke and Mgbafo are taken....Mgbeorie and Mgbenkwo going once going twice....gone!!...Mgbeorie it is....!!! this thread will keep going on forever and i will keep coming back here to start troubu anyhow, cuz u allowed it!!


(hmmmmm)

what else.....

not to worry i will go conive sometin and come back...after comment #100.

goodbye!lol

CultureCynic said...

#1 0 0.........yayness!!!

CultureCynic said...

i am saying a defintite YES to the shopping TRIP babez!!!! Great suggestion!!!! the soccerball is in your field....just let me kno...when and where......no yawa!lol

Comment count #101....mmmm JSYK!

scomiss said...

i love your blog..oh gosh i am in love....


scomizzle...

Third World Profashional said...

Lord have mercy! You've cracked it, I nearly bust a gut laughing! Omg! Thats exactly how they are, too effing funny!

tobenna said...

Nice analysis.
Let me try to see if my britigerians fit the stereotype.....

To some extent, yes!

Ms Sula said...

You know what it's the same for where I'm from! Except instead of Britigerians, we have Francivorians... and they behave exactly the same way you described the Brigiterians... Lol! Especially on the weird dress choices... Bwahaha! There must be something about Europe. :)

Lady X said...

OMG You are too funny LOL!!!!

Lady X said...

I like Nando's o though!I'm not in Jand but I don't get why someone would brag about eating in Nando's though LMAO!

Chi-Chi said...

1st time here!
everything is so true
na wa o
see as you just forget canada
abi we razz reach? lOL

argh about the contact abeg free me o lol
am a victim but i wldn't lie
it isn't for shakara my eyes are bad :( but i don't see myself wearing transparent

about converting the currency exchange lmao ..true!!!

if u noe carry designer ur nobody now at days o

hmmm na wa

ola said...

You forgot to mention the colored contacts that make the girls look like cats. Honestly I don't get why a black girl should wear grey contacts.It even scares me self when i look at their pictures!