I also noticed that in most of these people's comment boxes, a whole bunch of folk have co-signed with comments like 'I feel you girl, all these fake friends' or 'I just cut some peeps off too'. Hey, no pointing fingers here...I just observed.
But I want to challenge anyone who is reading this. Answer me this Q...
What makes YOU a good friend?
Let me also challenge you to reply to this one: What might one see as Red flags when it comes to you? i.e What might make one consider you to not be a good friend?
What are those special traits and characteristics about you that make you a jewel in the rough, and someone that another individual should treasure for the rest of her life?
C'mon...indulge me! I know a bunch of folk are walking on this earth considering themselves to be the best thing since sliced bread, and God's gift to men and women... :-p
And ya know what? Since I asked the Q...imma also answer the Q. You see? Leadership by example...teeheeheee.
In my mind: What makes me a good friend?
- To the best of my ability, I try to be there for my peoples. I think that this is one of my greatest attributes. If you need a listening ear, a helping hand, or a shoulder to cry on, I will be there. I'm far from judgemental so I'm good to listen to the scandalous bits and pieces that you might normally be ashamed to disclose. Hey! I've had my scandalous days too.
- I will give you the shirt off my back (Only If I'm wearing a tank top underneath o... :-D). Basically I'm saying if I have $40 in the bank and all my bills are paid, and I fit afford am...$20 goes to you. You gotta do this ish with common sense ya know...
- I'm pretty generous. I'm the kind of person who will go out and see something that I think you may like, and buy it for you just because...I don't wait for birthdays/holidays to show my constant love and appreciation for my peoples.
- I will fight some of your battles. Notice that I said some o... If you're beefing with Tinuke over some trivial chit, NO I will not follow you and beef with Tinuke. This is not elementary school. However, if Tinuke slept with your husband/killed your mama/tiffed your boy/man from under your nose or some other really grievious sin, then your fight becomes my fight and Tinuke is dead to me!
- I will not date your ex-boyfriend or marry your ex-husband. They say never say never, but this is in my friendship code of conduct, and so far I haven't broken the rule. Yeah yeah, men are scarce, every girl for herself etc etc but errrm NAH!
- If I have a problem with you, I will let you know. I believe in the term 'Never go to bed mad' and this applies to everybody. I won't internalize the 'beef', and tell Amaka about how you pissed me off. Rather, I will approach you and tell you how you pissed me off, and hopefully we can move on from there.
- Your secrets are my secrets. And even if we fight, and never talk to each other for the rest of our lives, your secrets are still my secrets. I will not run the streets telling the world how you had 3 abortions in college or about that threesome in cancun. LOL
- I won't forget about you 'cos I'm all boo'ed up. I still remember my peeps! Afterall, his a-s-s might dump me, and then whose shoulder will I cry on?
- Last but not least, I come DRAMA-FREE. This is so essential in friendships and I'm as simple as they come. (This one isn't even in my mind, na true talk). Whatever it is, I will brush it off and not cause a scene 'cos you know what? Life is too short for that foolishness!
These are what come to mind for now, note that I said...in my mind. Therefore a friend might be reading this, and scoff at everything I just typed. Na she/he sabi...if you no come tok anything to me, then na your own wahala be that.
I think that I must be doing a pretty good job, 'cos save for the random person or two...most of my friends have been around for quite a while and are still around. Infact I think this might be the reason why as I've gotten older, I find it harder to make new friends...'cos I'm so used to my comfort zone and my personal peoples. For instance, I have known my oldest friend for about 15 years...She is my heartbeat (pet name for her).
And, in my mind: What might make me not such a hot friend?
- Let's go back to the fighting battles thingy. In all honesty, a lot of times I come off as 'neutral' to situations and 'on the fence'. Meaning that if you and Tinuke are beefing because she's annoying, or something of that trivial nature (to me), I'm not gonna beef Tinuke. Infact, I may see her and wave hello...abeg, wetin consain me with you and Tinuke's petty battles? Or your ex, who cheated on you? While I may not support his cheating ways, if he sees me on the street and says hello, imma say hello right back to him. Common courtesy o jare, But some may see these as disloyal, and me not being a true down a-s-s chick.
- I tend to give people a lot of space when they act moody or they are having a 'moment'. I just can't deal with such mood swings and such so I just withdraw and wait for them to get over whatever it is. This might not be viewed as a good thing.
- I hate babysitting. We are at a party, and you are having a bad night? I'm sorry but I'm not gonna let you ruin my potentially good night so I will leave you be, and go and get my dance on. I guess a better friend would try to see what is going on, and sit around holding your hand? You tell me...
- I tend to keep things moving real quick! You cut me off? I won't beg you, and I won't try to see what is going on. I will kuku leave you be...no hard feelings though.
So in general, I'm not trying to paint myself as a perfect person. I'm far from perfect, and so when I see people blogging about how they are mad about certain things/friendships I try to see where the other person may be coming from. Is the person being accused just misunderstood? Has the complainant approached this person and stated their wahala? Or did they just write the person off as being 'fake' or a 'plastic' without even trynna see their POV?
I'm not even trynna downplay whatever it is that people are mad about. I was just speculating 'ere. I do realize that some people are just TRIFLIN' and trust me, I'm not naive and I am aware that such shady people in this world don't wanna see you happy, people who are out there backstabbing you, people who can't wait to move in on your happy relationship and so they spread gist about you to your man and such shady business.
Remind me to give a special offering next sunday. A thanksgiving offering for the fact that I've been prettty fortunate enough to not have encountered these kind of 'friends' on a deeper level. Thank you Jesus!
*Crosses fingers and prays that I don't have to eat my words later on*