Sunday, September 12, 2010

Dear Future Husband

Before I proceed, I would like to say a big THANK YOU to everyone who commented on the previous post. Thanks so much for the birthday wishes, they were so much appreciated. I'm really trying to do better with responding to individual comments...forgive me for making this a general message of appreciation. And thank you too to the Anonymous commenter for the constructive criticism, it was duly noted. :-)

Moving on to today's post...from my general Tweet observation, I have noticed the TT called #Dearfuturehusband...and I figured I'd blog it in an entire post. Much as it seems that many people think of their wedding day and all, sometimes I gotta wonder if these people extend their line of thinking to marriage in it self, and the not so easy parts of it. Sometimes I find that folks in general can be so hard to deal with, talkless of living with one individual 24/7/365...that in itself, will really take a lesson in patience and what not. So in today's blog, I shall address my #Dearfuturehusband (if marriage is meant to be in my future), and give him a heads up that I'm not as perfect as he might think that I am...hehehe.

Dear Future Husband...
1. I realize that you might have met me at your bestfriend's wedding when I was looking my hottest, killing it with my MAC 'warpaint' and wearing the heck out of that dress. And then after that, every time that you saw me, I was looking like the flyest thing ever. But heads up in advance! I do NOT look anything close to remotely hot when I wake up in the mornings. I mean, can a sister catch a break? Even Halle Berry probably doesn't wake up looking like Halle Berry. Just wanted to let you know in advance, in case you wake up one morning and wonder who snuck into your room in the middle of the night, and replaced your wife with willie willie.

2. Ideally, you'd cook and I'd clean. It's not that I can't cook, I just gotta be in the mood to cook and sadly, the mood doesn't hit me as often as it hits some of my other female counterparts. But before you pop a nerve, remember that the key word is 'ideally'...I will do everything in my power to ensure that you and the kiddies are well fed, mood or not.
PS:- You'll definitely get a big side eye, if you expect me to do all the house work, or if you come home before me and don't start the hell?

3. Please do not mistake my confrontational attitude for a nagging one. If you do something that ain't sit right with me, I will address it. If you don't want me to see red, resist from attributing it to nagging/me trying to start a fight. Or would you rather that I continue to bottle the ish up, and then one day explode on your unsuspecting ass? Oh and I will have you know that I don't do well with letting things slide, but I am attempting to work on that.

4. According to reports, I'm a very restless sleeper who is prone to tossing, turning, sniffing, sneezing and even snoring every now and then. I just hope that you're not a light one... :)

5. I've always been the kind of girl that just enjoys and loves her space. I'm a professional single who has spent more time being single than being in a relationship, so I tell ya...this marriage thing, and learning to live, deal and consider another being won't be easy. If I trip out, every now and then...please be patient.

6. Hopefully I'll get along with your family members...I will try my best. I will admit that I'm not good at the 'sucking up' game, and can sometimes adopt the 'love me or leave me' attitude, but this is your family so I will put more of an effort in. Now let's just hope that your mother and your sisters aren't of the irritating variety 'cos that'll be a case of #Nodeal.

7. I get very easily irritated, I can be quick to catch an attitude, and I have a sharp tongue...just a heads up.

8. Some of what I will be bringing to the table in our marriage will include a shitload of shoes, clothes, and accessories. Please don't judge me, if I stay coming home with more shopping bags or else I will be forced to be one of those married women who hides the shopping bags in the trunk of her car, and sneak 'em in when you're not home. :-D

9. I'm SCARED of the whole pregnancy, childbirth process. I really am. Can we just adopt some kids and call it a day? Think of the days that you'd be spared having to making midnight runs to the grocery store to get me the latest craving of the hour...

10. I can't promise to remain slim and trim along the course of our marriage (especially if you insist on putting me through the ordeal of popping kiddies out), and if I don't then ah well. You'd better continue loving me and thinking that I am the hottest thing ever, and if I ever catch your eye or other bodily parts wandering, I have my hot oil and frying pan on standby. Consider this a warning... *Saccharine sweet smile*

All that aside, I do promise to be the best wife that I can be, faults and all. And as for you, all that I ask or beg of thee is that you promise not to take a hatchet to me, when the going gets though. Cos babe, frankly speaking...all these reports of Nigerian men killing their wives is starting to be a bit disturbing. Oh, but on the flip's been a whole bunch of Igbo men, and if I had my way, you wouldn't be Igbo...

Have a great week y'all!
PS:- I miss Blogsville o, I've just/still have a serious case of 'Blogger's block'.