Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Year 2012: Taking Stock – Better Late than Never

Before I begin, can I just send out a very belated happy new year to the universe? I’m always tardy for the party, but my mentality is: Better late than never. In the usual form of annual taking stock, I've given last year a very good mental rundown and, in an overall rating, I give it a C-. I will try and break it down in the most non-cryptic way that I can.

The Good
First of all, and as cliché as this may sound, I lived to see a brand new year. Each new day was a new opportunity to seize the day, and so even with all the internal craziness that I felt last year, I did strive to wake up every day and make it a good one…which didn't always work, but hey, at least I tried.

I started out the year with some drama, uncertainty, and setbacks in my job, but after the good Lord delivered me from my evil ex-Project Manager, and I switched teams, I got a chance to prove myself and I am past all of that drama. In fact, my current Project Manager has nothing but good things to say about me and my work, so that was indeed a high point in 2012.

I didn’t travel as much as I normally do, but I still got a chance to do a lil somn somn – San Fran to spend time with my homeskillet Naks and celebrate her baby shower with her, Mexico to celebrate Tayne’s milestone birthday, and Nigeria to see my family. All expensive trips, but very much worth it.
And ultimately, I am thankful for the good things like small mercies and the little things that we take for granted in life, good health, good friendships and my family.

The Bad
I think of it as the big year of limbo, and living in a general state of blahness. I just felt stuck in this impenetrable bubble, and to be honest, a lot of times I didn't know why exactly. I felt a lot of unhappiness and restlessness with life in general, and even my usual high note of self-confidence took a nice dip. My peace of mind wasn't feeling so peaceful anymore, and I experienced the largest bout of mood swings ever.

At the beginning of 2012, I set goals and by December 31st, I had only achieved maybe 15% of those goals – majority fail. Of course, I had a huge role to play in those failures so I will gladly point fingers at myself too.

This was also the year that I realized the suckage of not recognizing or seeming to have a passion/purpose in life. Till today, I remain envious of people who know that they want to do with their lives because I still have no friggin’ idea what I would love to do with mine. I like my career field aka I don’t hate it, but it’s not something that I’m passionate about or I love. I go to work, do my thing, and it pays the bills and keeps me comfortable. If I was to ever make a switch to another industry, I have no idea what it would be. And yes, I took one of those personality/career test things and still remain clueless. It was a constant nagging thing that kept popping up in my head, and now I just continue to pray for clarity in that area.

Last, but not least, I did not feel on top of my usual A-game. I was in this state of constant lethargy and not wanting to do JACK, recurring boredom with everything (including myself), and a general attitude of “I’m not in the mood”. Even wearing clothes to go out started to be a chore, and I just wanted to remain in my little zone majority of the time. I did try to do things to "self help" like the 31 day reset (but I still wasn't feeling reset after a while and so I quit).

The Ugly
None, thankfully.

In 2013 – As we already are on this 22nd day of January
Every day is a new opportunity to try again, so once again I have those outstanding goals on my to-do list, as well as some new ones. I recognize my weaknesses, and I’m working to get past those limitations. I want to get back to being in the mental space that I used to be in, feeling more in control of my thoughts and my attitude, and just getting back to ME. By God, I will not look back at 2013 and peg it down as another meh and blah year…amen? Amen.

Enjoy the rest of your week.