Monday, November 21, 2011

Random Musings on the Single Status

I had a funny convo the other day:

Him: How long have you been single?
Me: Since XYZ
Him: Wow, you must be lonely.
Me: Actually, not at all. I quite like my solitude as a matter of fact, and I never feel lonely.
Him: Oh, please.
Me: Seriously.
Him: As humans, we need companions…
Me: No, we might want companionship but we don’t NEED companionship. We NEED air, food and water. Those are vital to our existence. As a single girl, I’m still alive and breathing…
Him: No, we need companionship and you need companionship. Man and woman are meant to be together, you need a man. How do you manage in the winter time?
Me: *Burst out laughing*…what kind of question is that? (like seriously, the hell kinda question was that???) I pay my BGE bill and can afford to turn on my heat and stay warm in the winter. Besides, man and woman are meant to be together or whatever, but it doesn't have to be right now for me.
Him: Keep it real. You know that deep down, you feel alone and need a man in your life…
Me: You know what? I’m not even going to go back and forth with you on this because regardless of what I say, you have already formed your solid opinion on this issue soooo moving on…
Mgbeke: 1. Dude: 0

If you've been reading this blog for a while or you know me, you probably know that I can voltron for the single matter die! But omo, I don dey tire to have these conversations. Everybody is convinced that every single girl out there is incomplete and lacks something in her life, and no matter the amount of self-voltroning that you try to do…folks see it as you trying to console yourself, and not keeping it 100%.
I don’t know about the other ladies on single street, but as for me…I can tell you without any element of doubt, that in my current and very singular state, I feel very fine. It’s not even something that I actually sit and think about like “Whoa. I’m single”. I just dey live my life jeje, trying to live it to the fullest, and I ain’t sweating my relationship status. Real talk.
After a long day out and about, I go home to my solo existence and I do not feel like “dagg, it would be nice to have a dude to snuggle up to” or “there is something missing in my life”. Plus, I never feel lonely. My mom expressed her concern about this once like “sometimes I worry about you, living all alone…don’t you ever get lonely?” and I said no. Much as I can be a people person, I also enjoy my solitude. I remember growing up, when I went home for summer holidays and midterm breaks, I used to look forward to weekdays when my parents would go off to work, and my siblings would find their respective square roots…leaving me, myself and I to do whatever I wanted to, undisturbed for a couple of hours. That was bliss. Years later, this hasn’t changed. I enjoy cocooning myself in my own little world aka my apartment and doing as I please…undisturbed, so why I go feel lonely?

Everybody is always trying to project their own feelings about the single state on us single babes…like ahn, ahn. You don’t see me running up to boo’ed up/married individuals like “wow, you must hate XYZ” or “you must be tired of ABC”…so all of you that like to tell us how we must feel about being single, should chill. Like I don talk…I’m good. I’m single, I’m not lonely, and as a matter of fact…I enjoy the freedom of choice that comes with being single. I do not have to answer to or consider anybody at this point. If I want to pack my load and relocate to Germany, I’m free to do it. I come and go as I please, and I’m free to just do me. I cook when I feel like it (which can be once a month), if I want to, I can sleep in for an entire weekend, and if I feel like it, I can pack up for a weekend in Vegas with the homies, just because…all na my prerogative. As everybody tries to paint the business of being single in the most negative light, like a plague that must be avoided, nobody remembers "perks" such as the ones that I stated above.
Oh, and I’ve definitely noted how a good percentage of boo’ed up/married individuals never keep it real on the commitment tip. They want you to feel like having a significant other is the ultimate and best thing that can ever happen to complete your life and validate your existence on planet Earth, while they conveniently hide the fine print. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that to be single is the ultimate while it sucks to be committed but I just feel like folks are so pressed to put down the single status, and try to make us single folks feel like there is something wrong, and nobody really yarns the real koko about what goes down on the other side. They conveniently forget to tell us that relationships and commitment require work, and that it’s not always a rainbow colored bed of roses. Even the people that are miserable in their relationships want to come and feel funky on top matter. Like we will say on ndi Twitter, biko shift.

As a single 28 year old, and in more real talk, my biggest concern about the possibility of not getting married before 30 is that the later in life that I get married, the less time off I can take before having children. Ideally, I would love a 1+ year break while I swing off chandeliers with my hubby....shey you get my ring tone na!
Other than that, I do not feel the time crunch of “I gats get married before 30”. I’ve always wondered why 30 is that magic age…
Like someone on Twitter brilliantly put it, and I paraphrase… “Even if you get married at 35 and you and your husband live for 50 years, that’s a long time to be married”. And to that, I say word! We pray to God for his mercies and long life and prosperity in our marriages, so if he grants me and the hubby 50 years, that’s a long time for real. So why shall I rush? Like I always say, this marriage ehn…some people will marry and say to themselves… “So this is the marriage that I was hustling to enter”.

So, till the significant other/marriage comes, I am maximizing and making the most of my single life. Me, wey like sleep...when husband + pikins come, I won’t have that luxury o. Or the current luxury of not bothering to cook and ordering take out 4 days a week. Ahn ahn…omo I can’t take these things for granted. I’m sure some of these married women that are bouncing bomboy on their lap even look at us single ones with a tinge of envy for the total freedom that we have. Like they say, the grass is always greener on the other side. So yeah, I'm single...and so what? I'm alive, I'm kicking, I'm living a relatively good life, and I sure am staying warm...shoutouts to BGE ;)

Peaze and Love.