Saturday, September 19, 2009

I want my life back...

If you know me, you will know that I am CONSTANTLY crying about my state of internal disorganization. If you check the dictionary for the word 'Procrastinator', you will see my picture beside it.
I blogged about my constant state of organized chaos a while back and I got some good suggestions on how to change things but did I implement any of them? Nope.

I know the solutions, I've been told a million times but the process of actually hopping into bed and attempting to catch 8 hours of sleep, drinking my required 8 glasses of H2O and eating healthy, nutritious meals and mastering the art of effective time management is much harder than you think.
I actually envy people who appear to have it together and everyday I wish that I was more organized.

Well, that has to change sooner than later.

I mean...I had to take a step back and analyze the situation well well and ask myself a couple of questions.

-Why do I get these frequent headaches? Duhhh, 'cos I only get about 6 hours of sleep max + bad nutrition.
-Why did I go back to square one after all my hard work from gyming earlier on this year paid off? Because I haven't bought groceries in Lord knows how long and when a girl can't even gather enough time to cook some nice home cooked meals, and the typical breakfasts, lunches and dinners consist of take out, fast foods and a whole bunch of processed unhealthy won't it start to reflect on my body and my skin? Not to mention my wallet...
-Why do I need a SKINTERVENTION asap? Once again, duhhhh. The poor nutrition + lack of enough sleep + I can't remember the last time I drank water.
-Why can't I schedule time to get this oil change done? I mean, I could do it on a Saturday but I'm too busy catching up on all the sleep that I've been missing out on during the week days.
-Why do I feel so tired and unmotivated during the day? Back to the sleep thing. I mean, how do celebrities do it? What the heck do I be doing up at 2am in the morning sef? It's not as if I'm even doing love talk and slow jams with a man sef. Mchewwww...
-Why do I constantly feel so stressed out? Lack of effective time management!
-Why are my relatives mad at me for not keeping in touch like I should? It all ties back to the time management thing + the constant feeling of stress. Every chance to enjoy some 'me time' is treasured and lately I've been screening a bunch of calls like whoa and then I procrastinate on calling them back...Gosh, I have 12 voicemails to check. Who procrastinates on checking their voice mail?

These are just a few of the questions that I asked myself.

What can I do to implement some kind of change?
1. I can limit my internet usage. I spend way too much of my personal time on the internet...on these chat things, constantly checking emails, reading blogs, commenting on blogs...the whole 9 yards. I could be doing other things like reading more books, watching more TV, studying for the GMAT as I've belatedly decided to go the grad school route (so that my bride price can be higher *winks*), sleeping and even getting around to checking those voice mails and returning those calls.
2. I can create a to-do list and 'tackle plan'.
3. I can modify my lifestyle i.e switch up my work hours a bit so that I go in earlier, get home earlier and have more time to my self (thankfully, we are blessed with the flex. work schedule at the J-O-B), attempt to get more sleep and generally live a better and more efficient lifestyle.

Just a few solutions which I intend to implement. Wish me luck!

And on that note, my current job assignment location limits access to all the 'fun' websites i.e Blogger, Facebook and such things so unfortunately, I'm unable to check out this site for a good chunk of that day and frankly speaking, after work/post work commitments I'm just too tired to even attempt to make rounds. Please no vex o...I still love you guys, and I will drop by whenever I can. Na me and una for this side of the internet oooo. :-D

P.S:- ProudPrick, whoever you are...dude, you are HEELARIOUS. Ha Ha Ha!

Make I sha waka ooo. Till we jam again nah!


Monday, September 14, 2009

The bride price formula...

This past weekend I: Sat on my bed and finished a mini tub of Edy's Drumstick Icecream...all 1000+ calories of it, watched 3 movies- I love you man, Obsessed (TOTAL waste of my brain cells) & Confessions of a Shopaholic, Hit up Barnes & Noble for some material, went shopping for household goods and watched the VMAs yesternite while I stalked all the FB statuses about Kanye's foolish behavior and Lady Gaga's madness. That woman needs Jesus but I absolutely love it! Lmao
How was your weekend?

PS:- I STILL need a personal masseuse on call 24/7.
PPS:- I have found a new blog boo...David someboribobo (That is how I read his name and I kid you not), the man can bake meatpie. Need I say more? (He doesn't know that he's taken yet, but he is...all husband snatchers should instantly take note and back off)

Speaking of which...A man who knows how to cook = An asset. I gosta teach my sons how to cook o...I will insist that they come into the kitchen and watch me throw down so that when they grow up women will not be making shakara for them + for each dish that they can make, the amount of brideprice that they will pay will decrease. Abi now... :-D
Oh y'all aint know that I have my brideprice formula? Aight...let me edumacate somebody up in this piece.

Mgbeke's Official Brideprice Calculator:

  • The woman sabi cook (Let's add $5,000)
  • If she sabi cook more complex dishes that transcend beyond the typical Egusi, Jollof Rice...i.e Isi ewu aka Goat head, Ugba aka African salad, Ofe Owerri and even international dishes for some diversity (We go add an additional $5,000)
  • Can she bake? (Extra $5,000)
  • Does she have a Bachelors degree? ($5,000)
  • What kind of degree did she get? If it's something random like Early Childhood education (We no go add moni...abeg my ECE majors no stone me abeg :-D), Anything in the business field ($5,000...make it $10,000 for Accounting and Finance...LOL), Engineering, Computer Science and 'em techie stuvvs ($15,000)
  • Does she have a Masters degree? Double the amount for all the categories...if na Law school we go triple am and if na Med school, we will triple am + 1 Hummer and 1 Ferrari each for both parents. Is it a beans to go to Med school?
  • How exposed/well traveled is she? If her idea of taking an annual vacation is going to the Nigerian Reunion on a yearly basis...we no go add moni. If she has been to a variety of places/been exposed to a bunch of cultures...we go add an additional $3,000
  • For every additional language that she can speak apart from English, we go add $2,000 each...after all even in the Corporate world, it is an asset for one to be bi-lingual. PS:- For such purposes, Pidgin = A Language. Lmao!
All this moni na on top of the regular amount of brideprice wey man go pay because hin see one fine correct babe wey hin wan marry. After all, we don conclude say e no easy to pluck a flawa from one's garden...abi I lie?

Now, for my dudes...make una heart no beat too fast as una don analyze this my list. I trust say some of una don observe this list, plan on how you go waka home and break up with your long term girlfriend of 4 years as per you no wan collect cardiac arrest on top of paying bride price. Abeg o, chill first...I no send una. When dem send Shekpe on top ya head, you go tok say na Mgbeke cause am.
Calm your beating hearts down 'cos I gotchu! The bride price wey una fit pay go reduce if and only if:

  • Can you cook? If so, we go reduce the woman's bride price by $2,000. So in the end na $3,000 wey you fit pay. You still gosta pay moni because odds are that the woman will take up majority of the cooking in the marriage so you gosta pay moni for that sweat wey she go sweat on top the hot stove.
  • Can you cook the complex dishes mentioned above? If so, we go reduce the bride price by $1,000.
  • Do you have a Bachelor's degree? *Ahem*...we shall only reduce the B.P if you majored in the sciences/techie/some areas of business so abeg if na Psychology, the above mentioned Early Childhood education, Social work and such fact we go even add an additional $5,000 on top the Bride price wey you go pay because it is absolutely NOT manly for you to go to school and not major in Medicine, Law, Engineering, Accounting or Computer Science. LMAO. *Tongue in cheek*
  • Masters/Advanced degree? We go reduce am too and if you go Med school/Law school and are guaranteed a starting salary of at least $200,000/year (after residency and such things), then we go cancel out the entire bride price wey you suppose pay sef and na we wey go come pack dowry on top your head...after all as women, we are encouraged to chase down the dokitas so that we can live in a nice big house with a white fence, send our kids to private schools only and drive the 2020 Mercedez Benz wey you go park for garage. *Winks*
  • Are you well traveled and bi-lingual? We go negotiate with the village heads and come to a decision on how much we wan reduce the bride price we you go pay.
Hehehehe, so you see my dudes. I got covered y'all too didn't I?
So *ahem*'s not too late guys...go and learn how to cook. And if you are in any kind of Major where every Christmas, you visit Nigeria and someone asks you 'Chinedu what are you studying' and you have to engage in a 10 minute conversation in an attempt to explain what the heck you are studying then I suggest that you drop out of school and re-enroll with a career path in Medicine...(it might cost you $1M in student loans, but you will save a substantial amount of money on the bride price..LMAO), plus...when you go to Nigeria and they ask you 'Chinedu, what are you studying?' can proudly puff out your chest and simply answer 'Medicine' while you watch for the appreciative glint that will suddenly appear in the asker's eyes.

Thank me later.

The end.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

I am not a Man-Hater

You know, when people started accusing me of being a male hater/male basher, I used to brush it off and say 'yeah right, me ke?'. But lately, I’ve been getting that a lot… ‘I read some of your FB comments on certain topics, you are such a man hater’, ‘Why do you bash men so much?’, ‘You come off as such a feminist nazi’…Man hater. Male Basher. Feminist nka nka…na wa o!Last weekend, there was the typical men are from mars/women are from venus discussion and my friend actually came to grab me, talkin’ about… ‘Are you guys looking for a man hater to state her opinion? Here she is...’ or something like that. I mean like, shuooooo. LOL, I know not what they speak of ‘cos I am INNOCENT.
Hehehehehe…I mean, a girl can’t even be out spoken about things and fly under the radar no more. Truth is…and I continue to issue this disclaimer:- I am NOT a man hater. The sight of men does not make my blood boil, I haven’t gone upside someone’s son’s head with a frying pan yet neither have I poured hot water on some poor man’s genitals so what are they talking about? I really and truly do not consider myself to be a man hater.

I mean…someone once asked me if a man had ever done me dirty in my lifetime and I replied and said ‘sorry to disappoint but I have no sob stories to share…’. Does a man have to do me dirty for me to call a man out when he’s being a pure and darn fool? *rolls eyes*
Granted, I admit that sometimes my approach can be a tad bit aggressive but that’s what you get when you are TRIFLING man parading around the face of this earth. I have no patience for y’all and I will continue to call you guys out on your foolishness. Just because I refuse to sit back and turn a blind eye to the madness don’t make me a man hater na. *Re-adjusts halo*
I remember when Steve McNair got kilt by his jumpoff and I texted one of my male friends expressing how I felt absolutely no ounce of sorrow for the man, and how I hoped that all married men would learn from such an unfortunate incident and hopefully keep their roving eyes and penises to themselves, and I tell you… ol’ boy caught a case o. Accused me of being a man hater, couldn’t believe how insensitive I was blahblahblahblah. Pssh…men, don’t get mad when I call y’all out and state the obvious. I’m not going to retire from my outspoken ‘male bashing’ ways sha o so everyone who thinks I’m a man hater should keep on thinking. :-D
Like one of my desk calendar quotes says… ‘When a man gives his opinion, he’s a man. When a woman gives her opinion, she’s a bitch’. It is what it is...

And yes, it goes beyond trifling men…
There have been WAY too many of those men are from Mars/Women are from Venus types of discussions and I think I’ve just about heard all it is that men have to say and as always, I issue my counter argument/opinion. The various ‘dating do’s and don’ts’ and the knowledge that these species really think that they are dropping on a daily basis:

'Don’t buy a luxury car or a house, it will intimidate men'
'If you’ve been with more than 10 men, you’re a ho and no man will wanna marry you'
Men don’t like a woman who parties too much, you won’t be considered as wifey material’
'Go and learn how to cook. Men like a woman who can cook'

etc etc. P.S:- If I hear that ‘wifey material’ word one more time, I will scream.

Uh uh, it’s a man’s world…or so they say but I’m one woman who will continue to state her opinion in this man’s world. And let me state this opinion real quick...
PSA to my men: The existence and sole purpose of women on earth is not to be married off to you, get knocked up with your 5 children and cook all your meals. We too have lives to live, places to go and things to do. We will not put our lives on hold and turn into boring stagnant stepford mickfricks all in the name of being considered 'wifey material'...imma need y'all to get with the program and save the darn rules and regulations for your sister or something.
The absolutely heelarious thing is that these culprits end up marrying women who are the complete opposite of who they swore made up the ideal wifey...the man who swore on the head of his bear bear that he would not wife a 'double digit ho' will marry a 100 count prostitute and in the end, who will the joke be on?

Seriously, it really does get my goat how these dudes think that we ladies are sitting around waiting desperately to be scooped up. A woman can’t even have standards no more without y’all coming at us with the ‘You are 30, your mates are married…be there feeling picky’. Excuse you? Who sent out the memo that 30 was the cut off age? And who told your 5’6, broke, living with your momma at age 30 azz that any 30 year old fabulous woman would EVER give you the time of the day in this world or the next even if you were the last man on planet Earth? There is more to us than our vajayjays, our cooking skills, our so called submissive attitude and everything that you consider to be qualities desired in the so called wifey material. It is absofrigginlutely ridiculous!

How do I hear a man spew a senseless comment like ‘Men will cheat, it’s a man’s world…you women need us anyway’ and sit back and let the foolishness slide? When I tell the man that don’t nobody need his foolish self for shishi and I can do bad all by myself, he calls me a man hater. Hellooo, how do I even get with a fool like that? Abeg o...make all man know their levels.

Ok Ok, I just realized that I’m totally NOT doing a great job trying to convince anyone that I’m really not a man hater am I? LMAO. I mean what I’m really trying to say is…Argh! I give up…lol. But…like I said, I, the Original Mgbeke do not hate men. In fact, every man on earth should appreciate my outspoken ways sef. Trust that I will never fail to keep you my darlings in check. :-D

*Blows kisses to any man who happens to read this*. LMAO.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Haphazard Post-Labor Day Post... I nurse a lack of sufficient sleep induced headache.

Hallo Blogworld. How was your Labor day holiday weekend (for my Yankee based folk?). I hope that it was filled with enough grilled burgers, sodas and all that good stuff.
I spent mine in the good ol' NJ/NYC. About time I returned since it was beginning to be quite sad how a self proclaimed NYC groupie like me hadn't visited in almost 1 year. 1 year ke? I mean, NY just dey for my backyard naaa.
But ahhh how I heart the city of New York. I kid you not, every time I visit, I start cheesing and I immediately feel like I'm at HOME. What is there to not love about NY? I mean...eventually you even gotta love the ridiculous crazies on the Subway and those infamous NY subway rats. I always say that your NYC experience aint complete until you encounter a subway rat. Forget what you saw in the Sex & The City movie. Hmmm, now to find the NYC based man who I can trick into marrying me and moving me out there since the job front doesn't seem to be working on the relocation tip. Hahahahaha...

On some book related yarns: Ok, I read 'A Thousand Splendid Suns' and my tearducts were absolutely dry...for those of you who swore that it would make me cry. Great book though. I am officially adding Mr. Hosseini to my list of favorite authors. Oooh and I got 'The thing around your neck' in the mail. Chimamanda is pure genius. PS:- I heard she got married 2 weeks ago in my hood. Why wasn't I alerted? I would have crashed the wedding in a very shameless manner. LOL...don't side eye me, that's my 'niggi' yo (although she doesn't know it yet). Ha Ha!

In the words of my favorite MochaHourGlass, I've been having some epiphanies and what not. Jesus take the Wheel. I just need some serious guidance and direction in my life right now, wooosahhh. Thank God for people who tirelessly hear you whine about the same topic over and over again and don't scream at you. LOL. :-), really...Thank you!
Ultimately, I need to get it together and quit feeling so overwhelmed. (Which is what I kinda sorta feel right now), I think that I will be okay though. Amen to that!

My headache just moved to the right side of my brain. These headaches have been pretty frequent of late. Someone suggested that they might be migraines in the making? No idea. I need to adjust my sleep schedule. No scratch that, I need to adjust my LIFE schedule.

If someone asks me if I'm a moody individual, my instant response will be NO. In fact moody people even kinda sorta annoy me sef (when they can't keep their mood swings in check), or maybe I just don't know how to handle them. But lately I've been having a whole bunch of internalized mood swings and general hot and cold feelings towards things and people. So umm yeah, maybe on the outside I may appear to be 'constant' and on the inside it's 5 seconds into hot and a sudden switch into the 5 second chill. But maybe the whole thing about 'taking charge of your day and your emotions' appears to be working some 'cos these so called swings don't even last for up to 10 minutes before it's peace, love and happiness as usual. But still...why are they so constant? And why is everybody suddenly annoying? Now I'm rambling...

It's a Blackberry World Domination. My friend hosted a Labor day get together this weekend and I tell you, if there were 50 people at her crib, 40 of them had Blackberries. Ha Ha! 'What's your pin'...Blackberry holders, we are taking over and if you aint with the movement then you need to get with it before we rule the world. Muahahahahahahaha... *Evil grin*
PS:- Just discovered BrickBreaker and I'm an addict. Yes I am. I know, I know...I've owned my BB for almost a year and I'm just discovering Brickbreaker? Tsk Tsk.

Who in the world came up with this no white after Labor day rule? Ha Ha! I guess I'm about to break every rule in the fashion book with that one. As long as the weather is nice and warm, all white tops, bottoms and shoes in my closet. No be small thing.
Who comes up with these fashion rules sef?

Absolutely need to hop my azz into bed within the next coupla minutes. Grrrrrr, so not looking forward to resuming work tomorrow. My B-O-S-S is officially one modachoking wizard of a winsh. Bombastic individual. Na me and him for this America o, make the bobo n vex me too much 'cos I swear the kain African craze wey hin go see ehn. He finna be like 'these Angry Black Girls don did it again'. Just wait for me...recession or no recession. Ultimately hin suppose know say Khaki no be leather and if hin tok too much nonsense, we fit put leg inside one trousis. Shioooooooooo

Master plan = Effective!

I was alerted that my blog is filled with a whole bunch of rants...(I still say it aint so sha)...but even if it is so, isn't ranting on my blog better than calling my friends and constantly dropping rants to them on the phone? If I kept this up I can imagine that by week 3, someone would have sent my azz to Aro mental hospital abi I lie? I do enjoy a good ol' rant and blogsville is a good place to woosah and rant it all out. I can even rant about my winch of a wizard boss while his unsuspecting ass is in the same office as moi. :-D
I mean on the real, sometimes I be ranting about the fool to someone on the internet and he will come ask me a Q, and I answer it with my angelic demeanor intact. Ha Ha!

What do you reckon the average age on Blogger is? I've seen quite a number of bloggers on the 30+ end, and quite a number on the 18-19 end too. What say you?

And on that note, I am out.
If you could keep up with the randoms, kudos.
If you couldn't...never mind, I assume that you would have hit the nice red X by now.

I hope and pray that this week will be a better one for all of us. Say what you mean and mean what you say and ultimately remember to work hard, play hard and be kind (Coined from my Glamour Mag)

Good night and sweet dreams. See? Blogging is good for the soul...I feel better already.

PS:- Leggy, come and kneel and raise your hands. Who gave you permission to go private without my consent? Mchewwww.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

An Interview with Muyiwa

Apparently, Muyiwa thought that I was cool enough to interview and so he did a quick one. Thanks a lot bro, I’m quite honored.
Check out the interview here and while you’re at it peek around his blog a lil. He's definitely on the grind in the Entertainment industry plus he has a really nice playlist that I enjoy listening to while I’m working.

And yes, this qualifies as a real update. Hehehehe….