Sunday, December 28, 2008

My 'first love' getting married.
Wow! He is getting married.
I put first love in quotes 'cos at 17, was it really love? Well...whatever it was, it was niiice. That kind of good feeling that had me randomly cheesing at random hours of the day, counting down the hours till we could see again, my heart skipping when we finally got to see. Ooooh weee, it was nice indeed. It's not often that a man inspires such feelings in my 'cold, cold' heart. :-D

I remember when we first 'met'. Again, I put met in quotes because it was more like me and my friend (Let's call her Amina) saw him walking down the street one day and we were like 'who is that? he kinda cute'.
We had done some research and found that he was the new dude around town, his name was 'boo-boo' and he went to X school. LOL @ our stalking ways. But that's all we knew about his mystery cutie.
And that's how it was...we'd always see him walking down the street and all but he never said nothing. I thought he was snobbish, but when I got to know him I realized that he was just a shy kinda guy. lol...

I was a shy girl too. So before we even said hi to each other, we had something in common. I was uncomfortable interacting with men on that level, and for most of my teen years I had always been the guys girl rather than the girl that the guys wanted to date. If you wanted the girl that the guys wanted to date, the hot one who everyone wanted her digits, then you were looking at my friend; Amina.
So one day when Amina suddenly told me that my boo boo was always checking her out when he walked past her on the roads and that she had a hunch he was feeling her, I didn't question it. It was nothing new. I was dissappointed but I attributed it to those of those things in life and mentally backed off.

I'd always see boo boo around town and dream from a distance...but that was that.

Life went on, a year or 2 went by. We (we being the class of that year; which included Amina and boo boo) graduated from secondary school and everyone started making moves. Amina got admitted to a uni abroad and she left town. I had no idea what boo boo was up to 'cos his sightings were pretty sporadic, and as for me...I had gotten admission to a uni in Naija; thanks to my sweet SSCE and JAMB scores and I was ready to rock uni and be one hot jambite. :-D

Uni was fun, uni was sweet, uni was nice! Till today, I still miss the good ol' days I had in my Naija uni. Good times, I tell ya...but that's beside the point.
Like I was saying, Uni was fun and I was having a good time. I had started getting over my social awkwardness around men and I was getting chyked and toasted like no man's business.
I hadn't been there for up to one month when one hot sunny day, me and my other jambito friends were sitting in front of the engineering building checking out the cuties when lo and behold, who did I see? My beloved boo-boo. Ooooh weeeeeee! I was sooo excited.
My boo-boo was on my campus and I wasn't going to let him slip by. (Keep in mind that he and Amina never had nothing o, all she claimed was that he was using eye to look her way, so I figured he was fair game)

I immediately went up to where I had spotted him and I said 'Hey! I didn't know you went here..'. He was equally as surprised to see me. He remembered me! He smiled this really sexy smile that made my 17 year old self wanna swoon hard and said 'Hey, I remember you from xxx'. That absolutely made my day...I mean I thought I had paled in comparison to Amina but he remembered me dammit!

...And that's how it began. We'd see around campus and make small talk and then one day he offered to give me a ride home. Ahhh at 17, no man could be pulling up into my father's driveway o but cat dammit if this wasn't a risk that I was prepared to take. He drove me home and that day I was so thankful for the ridiculous traffic that is typical in Naija 'cos it gave us even more time to talk and get to know each other well well. I learned that he had gone to x secondary school, he was the first child, he had 3 siblings, we had a bunch of mutual friends...ehn I learned a lot o! And in turn I shared that I was the last kiddie, my sec. school etc etc.
When he dropped me off he asked for my number and chei! that was risk #2 o...'cos them no born you well to be calling my house anyhow if you are a dude but I was like to hell with that. This was my boo boo right there, I was prepared to take risks for him.

We stared talking every day! Unfailingly.
We'd also meet on campus and have lunch, dinner, hang out...whatever. I was really feeling this boo boo of mine sha. One day during one of our numerous convos, he admitted that the first time he saw me, he wanted to find out who I was but was too shy to approach me. I was like 'me ke? I thought it was Amina you were chooking eye for'. He was like 'Huh?'..Ok so long tori short, boo boo mi wasn't chooking eye for Amina. Even though this was like 1.5 years after the fact it still tickled me and made me blush. :-D

So, me and boo boo were loving our selves well well o. In fact I was even planning to move onto campus soon and I couldn't wait 'cos it would give us even more freedom to flengo well well. (Abeg, it was innocent flengo-ing o...i was just 17 o jare!).
We were the cheesiest couple. He'd do sweet things like dedicate songs to me and what not. Typing this, I am giggling thinking about how cheesy and cute we were.

But as we all know...most of the time, all good things come to an end. And the beginning of our end came when one day I went home and my parents announced that I was coming to start Uni Yankee in a couple of months. It was very bittersweet news...I mean at that point who no wan come Yankee? Most of my friends that I grew up with had come to these parts but on the other hand, I was having such a great time in uni with my new friends, bubbling and shuffling and abeg lets not forget the main factor; my boo-boo. Chei, I was sad...

I broke the news to boo-boo the next day and it was such a sad moment. I told him 'Boo boo keep your head up, you still have me for another 2 months, let's make the best of it'. And that was exactly what we did. We were inseperable...
Looking back, I don't know how I got away with having a boyfriend at 17 under my parents noses 'cos they never suspected jack! My older sister knew the deal tho but that's my heart...she didn't rat her darling lil sis out. In fact, she liked boo boo sef..
I mean 'cos like dang I did some jackie chan stunts sha. Some nights boo boo and I would be on my father's phone till 2 in the morning. Chei, can you imagine if daddy had caught me? Na serious hot slap wey I for chop that day o! *Phewww*

Boo boo and I enjoyed the last days of each other's company but it was always tinged with a hint of sadness. I still remember the day before I left town...we spent the a bulk of the day together enjoying each others company and not saying much. That day I stayed out with him till like 10pm (which by my father's standards was LATE) but I was like whatever jo, that was my last day in town and I was gonna say bye to all my friends; which I did and then reserved the best for last which was hanging with boo boo darl.

Coming out here to a different and strange land, I missed boo boo even more. We emailed each every day and we'd say how much we missed each other and all that sweet, mushy stuff. I even printed all his emails out and I'd read them randomly. (Was I sprung or what?)
Come of think of it, I still have them stored in some of my keepsake boxes...I should re-read for old times sake yeah?

But man, there's only so much that terms of endearment via the internet can do to sustain a relationship between an 18 and a 17 year old. We were young and pretty unrealistic thinking that it would last. One day, I went to the library to read and print my daily boo boo email and he had sent me an email talking about he met someone and would like my permission to move forward with her. That day, I cried ehn! (Damn, maybe I was sprung)...but I no go lie, it pained me well well. I replied and said yes boo boo, go with this chick and be happy...and that was the 'end' of boo boo and I.

He still emailed me. I still emailed him but he had a girl in his life now. I was now second place and second place sucked! I got sick of feeling pangs of envy every time I thought of boo boo with his new chick while me I just dey freeze for the American cold and I kinda sorta gave him some space and stopped replying his emails for a while until I got over him and it.

I went back to Naija a couple of times after that and boo boo and I would always hang. We always had our chemistry and I always wished he was a cheaper plane ticket closer to me and vice versa but ah well...
We remained friends, we are still friends and we spontaneously email each other when the mood hits.

Sooo, in our random communication thing that we currently do, I sent him a happy holidays email and he replied me saying that he misses me and there is so much gist for us to catch up on. The numero uno item on the email was 'I am getting married, so please make plans to be there'.
I was shocked, I mean I knew he was seeing someone but I didn't know it had reached that level...

Ultimately, I am very happy for boo boo dearest. I think that his wife will be a very lucky woman, and I am happy that I met him in my lifetime...the 7 months of the young love we were doing was nothing but bliss. I always proudly boast that I have never been in love but in retrospect, the feelings that I had for boo boo was definitely more than an elevated feeling of likeness. It was sweeet! It was niice and I want to experience that again. Somehow, I haven't met a man who made me that sprung but maybe it's 'cos I'm older now, more experienced and I have more walls up around this precious heart of mine.

So, to boo boo and his upcoming nuptials. *Takes a mental shot of patron*, I wish him the very very best and at the same time, I say:- Another good one has been taken off the market.

Happy Holidays people. Wishing you'se lot a very wunnerful new year in advance and I pray that the '09 will see all of you alive, well, happy and healthy.


Tuesday, December 23, 2008

What are you looking for in a man?

The oh so popular question that has had its answers changed and modified over the years.

When we were 16 and just fresh to the dating scene (Well, I was a late bloomer o jare)…this is how we answered it:

*Racks brain*. Actually, I never got asked that kain yeye question when I was 16 jo.

When we were 18 and feeling like big chicks, thinking that nobody could tell us nothing… this is how we answered it:

He must be tall. He must be fit and muscular like Boris Kodjoe. He must be at least 6’2. He must be fine. He must drive a BMW or Mercedes benz. He must be a doctor, lawyer or engineer.

When we hit 21 and felt like we don legal finish, feeling like babes wey don ‘arrive’…this is how we answered it:
*Insert all the answers from 18*, plus he must be older than me. He must make more money than me. He must have at least an 8 or 9 inch stuvvings that will give me multiple O’s every day.

When we hit 25/26, still feeling like big chicks but also realizing that some of our mates don start to dey marry/boo’ed up…this is how we answered it:

He must at least be my height, he must be comfortable in life i.e finances and career wise, if I make more that he does it’s cool...this is 2008 and as an Independent woman, ‘I got it, I got my own’ (according to NEYO). He must have a good and reliable car; it don’t have to be a luxury ride as long as it gets us around. He doesn’t have to be fit like Boris..I mean it’d be a plus but if he’s fat like Yokozuna I can always buy him a gym membership for Christmas. 8 inch stuvvings are overrated anyway as long as he knows what to do in bed, besides it’s not about the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean or whatever the fudge they say.

And then we hit 30, cat damn! Our mates were all married and bouncing bomboy on their lap, doing matching aso ebi with their husbands in church…this is how we answered it:

Is he a man? Sign me up!!!

Tell me ladies, what are YOU looking for in a man?

Happy Holidays honey bunches.

PS:- I'm getting mad mixed reviews on this template of mine. What's not to like?

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Tuesdays Randoms

I have so many thoughts swirling in my head, so this might be a long one or a short one. We'll see how it goes.

Someone sent me one of those feel good email forwards. You know the ones that you read and then you vow to be a better person after reading it for like the first 5 minutes till someone pisses you off and it's back to square one? of the things highlighted in the forward was:-

'Love deeply and passionately! You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely'

Ummm...I beg to differ. (My opinion abeg). I say love well o, but shine your eye as your dey love 'cos man, these men ehnnnn. If you no shine eye, na hot hot pepper wey dem go show you!
The kain love sef, love is a damn risk. But we go yarn that one another time..

Ha! Pesin fit read this now and think that I be man hater. I stay getting accused of being a man hater. I am SO not a man hater, I'm just a very realistic woman...there is a difference o, don't get it twisted.
Nonsense and Jagjagbantis!

I pray that in the '09, Individuals will let go of the shades in the club chit. But as we all know, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.
PS:- What the hell does that mean sef?

I think that my unmotivation to do a lick of work is going to last through this holiday season. Odikwa risky o!

I think that one of my concerns about potentially never getting married (I can just hear my Pizzle saying 'God forbid' on my behalf) am I going to get some on a constant basis? It's cool to have a 'friend' in your 20's but how can a respectable Naija woman in her 40's still be doing 'A friend of mine' steez. What will my kiddies think? Oh..'cos married or not, I'm still finna have my kiddies o; mine or adopted.
Misplaced priorities right? I should be worried about how I won't have anyone to match aso ebi with at weddings/church. Hmmmph!

I need a personal masseuse on call 24/7.

I wonder how many married couples actually get to have sex on their wedding night. I'm guessing umm 10%. Ok let me change that to Naija married couples...'cos aint no way anyone is going to be doing nada after doing reception till 2 a.m. Hmmm, hmmm...

Would I ever give up shopping for lent or an extended period? That would be a real test! See? I don't even consider myself a shopaholic in the true sense of the word. I hardly ever hit up the malls to even begin with, and I can't say that I make purchases every week. Still, my closet of 1 million shoes, clothes and accessories will tell a different story.
Ah well, ah well...

In 2009, I vow to go more places (I didn't do too terribly this year, actually). I still wanna go to Jamaica. I wanna visit my sisi in Jand, how do I call myself a bubbler and I've never been to Miami, Orlando or Vegas? I shouldn't be saying that chit in public.

Up till sometimes this year, I had always assumed and taken it for granted that everyone had been on a plane at least once in their lifetime, till I ran into a whole lot of folk who said they hadn't never flown. Infact, one of my co-workers said that the farthest she's ever been in this life is NY. Very interesting...

NY, NY. Still a groupie, will probably always be a groupie. Earlier this year, I was actively pursuing plans to move to the NYC. My friends shuddered like 'Ugh, that dirty, crowded city'. Worefa! I'm a city girl...(for now). I love to be where the action is o jare.
Oddly enough, everytime I visit the state of Texas; specifically Houston and Dallas, I always feel like I need to live there as well. But they don't got no H&M in TX tho....hmmmph!

All I want for Christmas is: Peace, love, happiness, friendship, a black Acura TL with tints and nice wheels...throw a 'Sat nav' (per ndi London) into the mix, An Urban outfitters giftcard, A new digicam (I promise to actually start taking my own pics), an Ipod dock to bump my jams...and errrm. That's it. See, I don't ask for much. :-D

Oh, and someone who will be willing to be my personal masseuse 24/ back is killing me here.

That's all folks. Till the next round of thoughts emerge...

Happy Holidays! Make una remain small Nkwobi and Odeku for me o...!

Monday, December 8, 2008

Facebook Sins

This post is inspired by a previous discussion on FaceBook annoyances...

Identify your sin as I list them, pray for forgiveness and promise not to do that chit again!!!

FB Sin #1:- Those damn status updates
A lot of you are guilty of this one. I do not need to know that you just took a dump, or that you just had a great and marvelous orgasm but thanks to FB, I be assailed with this foolishness. 'Abiola just took a great big shit', 5 mins later..'Abiola is wiping her ass'. Like really?
Stop the madness peoples.
I must confess that I stay hating on people who constantly update us with their travel tales. 'Chinemerem is in Jamaica', 'Chinemerem is on her way to China'. If you aint bringing me no gifts from your little vacay then I don't want to know, world traveler!!!

FB Sin #2:- 'Photo albums'
I put Photo albums in quotes because you really can not create some album with 5 pictures and call it a cat damn photo album. Put that chit in your profile pics or something, or better yet wait till you compile about 15 more pictures then you may now create a real photo album. Imagine
me happily balancing to view pics only to cut short at pic #5...? I'm just saying...

FB sin #3:- Burning my cable
Ladies, Ladies, Ladies. Y'all need to STOP burning my cable on FB. Do you not be reading wedding websites when awon boys dey yarn say dem meet wifey on top facebook? It is not a game o. I can not take a picture with some random dude without some oversabis coming to comment with an 'Awwwwwwwwwww'. Chei! Na in bobos go see this 'awwwwwww' and now think that me and ole boy in the pic are an item, not knowing that ole boy got his wifey at home and I'm just borrowposing. If bobo had been scoping me, this 'awwwwww' will not make him take 2 steps back and my love story in the making will be wrap! Abeg o, I carry God bed una...stop burning my cable.

FB sin #4:- Uploading pictures senselessly.
What is up with folk who do this? Just be uploading pictures without even looking through them all for the sake of having 1 million albums on facebook. And of course the scapegoats like me have to suffer for this. It was cool that you took the pic of me nodding off and drooling or the one where I woke up and I had the dried crust on my mouth but do you really have to put that chit on FB just for the sake of having an album up AND have the nerve to tag me? Take your time o! A word is enough for the wise.

FB sin #5:- Those damn applications.
Why do you have all the cat damn application on your page? Don't you know that that chit is unneccessary and just plain foolish? Be there acting like one Johhny just come wey never see internet before. Oh and you really really need to stop inviting me to add the applications too. What the hell is a Vampire application? Or which Harry Potter broom are you? Y'all need to stop!

FB sin #6:- Those damn events in Mississipi
...or Cancun, or Lagos or wherever. I understand that promoters are lazy and they just wanna invite everyone on thier lists but seriously? I look like I live in Mississipi?? Stop that chit, it annoys me. And you decline the yeye event, yet somehow these folk stay blowing up your inbox on some countdown chit...talking about '5 more days till the biggest event of the year'. Lawdy Lawd...make it Stop!

FB sin #7:- Those stupid names.
You know the names... Abiola 'Letmeupgradeyoubaby' Oyegbami or Chinemerem 'Nooneonthecornergotswaggerlikemine' Okoro. I mean...seriously?!?!?!?!

FB sin #8:- Individuals with zero social skills.
...or maybe I'm just extra polite, but if I add you to my friends list, especially if I haven't seen you in a long long while, I always make it a point to say something like 'Hi, hello'. Shoot, you will add me and I will still say hi, hello but no o...Individuals with zero social skills no fit even reply the hi, hello. And you know they be on FB cos they be writing on erryone's walls/commenting on erry pic. So you add me to your list ni? Oohhhh I get it, you just want to look at my pics yeah? Oya now, I get your drift, no shakings...

FB sin #9:- Writing all kinds of foolishness of my wall.
C'mon folk! It's a wall for crying out loud, how you gon' come up in there with all this public information? What happened to my message inbox for privacy's sake? Some people really lack the desired number of brain cells. I'm just saying...

FB sin #10:- You no tact having negros/negras.
Uh uh, you sabi una selves o. Always commenting on people's pictures on some 'you added weight o, what happened, you used to be fine'. Infact recently, I read a comment where someone had said 'You need to stop eating those hamburgers' and I really was like WTF. Infact I am the self appointed, voltron and defender of the people who are subject to these comments so If i catch any of y'all na to put you on blast. Uh uh!

And while we are on the topic of Facebook, may I add that it absolutely amuses me how people wan do love in tokyo on top facebook on some Chimamanda is in a relationship with John, complete with pictures, wall to wall sex and what not. Check back 2 weeks later and tori don change...Hahahahahahah! Ok, let me stop before someone accuses me of being a jealous hater. :-D

Have a good week darlings.