Hometown Glory

The last time I visited Nigeria was in December 2005 into January 2006, and so after 6+ years being away from the Homeland, I am finally reuniting with my country this December. For the past 6+ years, I have not heard word from my parents about visiting home. Everyday my mams will say “come home so that people can see you”…or “All your friends came home this Christmas, but you didn't” or “Aunty so and so said that you and your sister should come home and visit so that husbands will find you” (LMAO @ that one). In fact ehn, last Christmas…my dad who is normally more nonchalant on this matter apparently ran into my friend at a wedding and asked her to beg me to come home and visit. Oya naa…I am finally going home so that people and these so called husbands can see my face. I don’t think that my prolonged absence has been terrible sha…after all, I know people that have not touched ground in Nigeria for the past 10-18 years. Now that’s gangsta. One of the key reasons that I’ve put off visiting Nigeria is that my parents visit Yanks every year. Sometimes my mom visits twice a year sef, and my sister is in the UK…so it’s not like I have mad family in the homeland that I need to go visit. This year sha, my parents put their foot down (not like say dem dey pay for my ticket ooo), and insisted that I gats visit, so I said okay o.

The last 2 times that I visited Nigeria, I was a college student and just bought the bare minimum on my broke college student wages. This time around, I’m a working gal, and I haven’t been home in a while so man o man, prepping for this trip has been quite expensive. I have spent quite a bit of money on gifts, and random necessities like a visa and a much needed luggage set. In fact, speaking of luggage, My two boxes are dangerously teetering over the 50lb weight limit, and I'm done even done packing. I have bluntly refused to spend any kind of money on excess baggage so whatever can’t go will be left behind.

My parents live in Port Harcourt, and so I will be mainly based in the PH zones. I don’t expect to have any sort of a bubbling time like my “just gat becks” counterparts that are heading to Gidi. To my knowledge, PH is a very dead zone. Heck, all my friends who lived in PH have moved to Lagos sef…so ummm, any plans for some “cool funs” is looking very unlikely. I had planned to escape from PH and ze parents and engage in some Lagos paroles and bubbling, but logistics aren’t looking likely. Gotta attend some weddings around the East, which doesn’t fit in too well with the time frame of my paroles. I've jejely resigned myself to my fate and decided that I’m just gonna take one for the team this time since I haven’t been back in a while and let my parents have their way on this. But like I've already told them…the next time I enter Nigeria (hopefully not in the next 6 years) I am leaving you guys and doing my thing according to my own schedule.

All that aside, I am really looking forward to my trip. It will be nice to go  and reacquaint myself with my beloved country, bask in some sunlight, eat suya, see people, be spoiled by my mother dearest (who is so so excited that my sister and I are going to be around) and just enjoy a straight 2 weeks off work. I do know a few people who will be in PH for short time frames so I don’t anticipate that it will be an entirely dead trip. Meanwoos…everybody keeps telling me to shine eye on the husband issue….LOL. Quite amusing advice, if you ask me.  Like I always tell them, the babes that are in Naija wey never snatch the so-called husbands nko?

All yarns aside, this will probably be my last post for 2012, so I just wanted to touch base with everybody who actually reads this blog. I appreciate each and every one of you. Thanks for keeping up with my lazy azz, commenting, and what have you. I pray that 2013 will find us all safe, healthy, and happy. Have a very wonderful holiday season and God willing, I will catch each and every one of you in the new year. Happy Holidays y’all *shines my 32*

Peace, Love, and all the fantabulous things that you wish for yourself!

How Judgmental Are You?

I’m one of those people who always prides herself on how open minded and liberal I am in my views and general perception of the world. But in the recent days, I've realized that I am just as judgmental as they come. Granted, I don’t judge the typical things that most people judge but still...I do quite a bit of judging. In no particular order, here are a couple of things that I judge by default:

1. Grocery store purchases: As much as you might see me tweet about how I just wolfed down a bacon, egg and cheese on a croissant or a big ol’ burger and fries at McDonald's  I actually have a guilty conscience when I go grocery shopping and so I tend to fill my cart with all the right stuff i.e. Fruits, veggies, water, wheat bread and all the good and healthy stuff that the fitness magazines instruct you to purchase. This also gives me some sense of superiority and allows me to shamelessly judge innocent citizens of the grocery store, who fill their carts with the bad stuff like ice cream, processed foods, frozen dinners and candy. This is a serious case of living in a glass house and throwing stones ‘cos I am the world’s biggest junk food-a-holic but hey, who says that life has to be fair? So odds are that if I’m standing behind you in line at the cash register, I am analyzing your purchases and judging the heck out of you. You have been warned.

2. Ratchetness: Who doesn't judge ratchetness? Heck I’m sure that even ratchet people judge their fellow ratchet people. Allow me feel all superior and on top of my A game as I judge your multi-toned weave, blue contacts, claw-like acrylic nails, and every other thing that makes you ratchet.

3. Eyebrows: Someone on my Twitter timeline has tweeted this in the past: “You can tell how razz an individual is from her eyebrows” and I definitely cannot disagree. Ninety nine percent of the of the time, razz eyebrows = razz individual. Granted, razz is the new cool and things, but can I still judge? My friend used to upload daily BBM pics of his girlfriend with some catdamn maroon penciled in eyebrows and I used to low-key judge her. Thankfully she has gotten hip to the game and is no longer about that life. The Lord be praised.

4. Lazy asses: If you’re one of those cats who takes the elevator one floor up or down i.e. from the 10th floor to the 11th floor, I’m definitely judging your lazy azz.

5. People who wear Sunshades indoors/in the reception hall on their wedding day/at night: Need I say more? You look like a clown. Judged.

6. Weaves: This one might get more than a few eye rolls but you know what? I have a love/hate relationship with weaves. Yes, they supposedly up your ‘hmmph factor’, and I can’t front…some people look very glam and well packaged with them. On the flip, I feel that a lot of women over-rely on weaves. People like to give the “convenient and easy to maintain” excuse which is all well and good, but can we see your own God-given hair be it permed or natural like once every 365 days? And dayum even if you insist on weaving it up 24/7/365, must it be 72 inches long and so catdayum horsehair looking?? Judged.

7. Unnecessary Effizy: You went to the club, popped $1,000 worth of drinks and twit-pic’d the receipt? Judged. You bought a new range and created a Facebook album to inform the world of this purchase? Judged. You’re buying out and getting buried in the Gucci sto’ and had to post a tweet to inform the world? Judged. The truest effizy boys and girls are the ones who do all of the above and don’t consider any of that stuff to be a big deal.

That’s all for now folks. If you fell into any of the above categories...in the words of 2baba "One love my people". Soooo, what do you people judge? I’m all ears (abi eyes).

PS: - Hope y’all doing good. How did my East coasters hold up during Hurricane Sandy? All well and good, I hope.

Peace & Love.

On Lessons Learned, Being his Plan A, and Consolation Prizes

Lessons Learned

A couple of years ago, I experienced the closest thing to heartbreak when a guy who I really really liked did me some serious levels of “Negro you aint right!”...as in on some serious “see finish” levels. Prior to my experience with Mr. Heartbreak hotel, I had the bad habit of blaming myself or thinking that there was something wrong with me when interactions and dealings between me and various men didn't go as planned. But with this guy, one thing I knew for sure was that I was the best person that I could have been to him. I liked him a lot, and so I did the most for him because I truly wanted to do these things and in the end, he dropped me like a hot bag of charcoal for some chick that he ended up with.

The experience with this “heartbreak hotel” dude was a learning experience for me. For one, I learned that if I like a guy, I have no problem extending myself to do stuff for him. Not because, I’m campaigning to be considered as 50 yards of wife material, but because it’s something that I actually want to do. Secondly, I learned to stop blaming myself for anything. After being dropped like hot charcoal, I experienced and went through a variety of emotions but blaming myself was not one of the above. Matter of fact, it hit me like “wow, I was all that and a bag of chips, and he aint appreciate it?? You aint about that life bro!”. Thanks to that experience, I learned that I can be all that AND sometimes it's not me, its them.
Last but not least, I learned that as a woman, if you like swing over chandeliers and do gymnastics on the ceiling for a man, if he’s going to NEXT your azz, then he will do it. If you like cook him 3 course meals every day, make your mother’s secret recipe style of pepper soup for him when he’s sick in bed with the flu, if he no want you, then he no want you. If you like, “be there” for him when he needs to talk, rant, and get things off his shoulder, nothing for you if the guy no get plans for you. I put myself out there for Mr. Heartbreak Hotel but I found out that I was never in his original game plan, because he had another chick in mind all along as his plan A and I was just a “hold this one till I get the main one”  to him. Tough life.

Plan A vs.Plan B, C, D

This leads me to the next point. Per my theory, most men have their first draft picks (Plan A) and then plan B, C, D. A woman might put all her eggs in her plan A basket, but a man will have all his backup plans lined up. I once dated a guy who I can say was one of the best and most attentive/caring booskis that a girl could ask for. The only problem was that early on in our relationship, I discovered that I could never have held a torch to his plan A…a girl that he had loved for many many years. In fact, after I found out about her and quickly terminated the relationship, he told me that while he felt that we had potential, and I terminated things way too abruptly, he wanted to thank me for opening his eyes to the reality of the situation. Today, they are married and live in neverneverland. Like I said, I could never have held a torch to that woman. Or there was the confused one aka Mr. Confused who wanted to start something up with me and gave me this really cool tale about how he was done with some other chick… “she’s not wifey material. She’s too Americanized. She’s too this and that”. I mean, he always seemed quite obsessed with talking about this chick and her so-called faults sef so I wasn’t even taking his yarns seriously. Then 3 weeks later, he calls me up and tells me that he and ol’ girl had a talk and they are giving things another go. I said oh? Okay na. Fast forward 1.5 years later, they are also married in their own neverneverland. Potential plan B situation averted.

Let’s not talk about the various wedding websites that I’ve seen and I be reading the stories and mapping the timelines like ummm wasn’t this kneegro dating this other XYZ chick around this time frame? What can I say? Men definitely be keeping their options open.

Consolation Prizes
If I had a dollar for each time that a man offered me a “consolation prize”, I would be stacking paper. For instance, after I got over Mr. Heartbreak, we got to a point where we could relate on cordial terms, and one day he told me… “but you know you are a catch right?”…and mentally I was like Oh yeah? I am a catch, yet you dropped me real fast and was parading around town with the new girl within weeks? Boy bye!”. Or the time I was talking to Mr. Confused and he told me that if it hadn't been his wife, I would have been the one with the ring. LMAO. Am I here for these consolation prizes?
I have met quite a number of men who washed me and said “you are different”, “you are this” and “you are that” yet never stepped their game up with me AND then moved on to other women (and married them for the most part) so umm really, in the words of our dear ol’ Sweet Brown… “aint nobody got time for that!”. All these consolation prizes are just cheap words and don’t mean anything to me if I’m not a man’s plan A and number 1 choice. If I can quote one of my favorite songs from Marina and the Diamonds… “I’d rather walk alone than play a supporting role, if I can’t get a starring role”. All I’m saying is that I don’t need consolation prizes 'cos they don't mean anything to me and they don't validate my existence. Give me a starring role so that I know that it’s real.

In summary, when it comes to matters concerning the menfolk, I don’t even try to pretend to understand anything. Thanks to various experiences and the like, I've reached a point in my life where I take these matters at face value. Words are just words, nothing to get excited over. Actions are becoming cheap too. Heck, he might take me to the meet the parents and introduce me to his entire neighborhood, but to me, that don’t mean anything. Like my friend says…if we walk down the aisle, then I know that it’s live and direct. In the meantime, the numero uno lesson that I've learned when dealing with the menfolk is = be yourself. Sure, we are all imperfect beings and a work in progress, so work on whatever it is that you need to work on for YOUR own self-improvement, and not so that Chinedu will consider you to be wifey material. If doing XYZ is in your nature, then do XYZ…and if it aint, then don’t even try to fake it for anybody. 

And that is all she said.

False Advertising

*Disclaimer: Just 'cos I know that we are all tired of beating the hair issue to death... everything about this post applies to me as an individual, and not to anyone else. This is not a preachy post about anybody else's hair etc etc etc. 

Okay? Good.

As some people may know, I’ve been a member of this so-called "team natural" since 2002/2003. I’ve also been one of those people who for the most part, has stayed true to the essence of “team natural” as a personal preference. That is to say… I’ve never used a hot comb to press my hair to convert it from kinky coily to straight and shiny, and I’m pretty boring when it comes to diversity (i.e. braids and weaves). I wear braids maybe like 10% of the time…more in winter months than summer months, and the last time I fixed a weave was when I was heading off to Kuwait in 2010, and didn’t want to bother with hair. Prior to Kuwait, the other most recent time that I’d fixed a weave was when I was a 17 year old Jambite in Nigeria. So to summarize this long story, I tend to wear my hair in its most natural state majority of the time.

Recently though (read: July 2012), I’ve been wanting to do more with my hair and embrace more diversity outside of the usual braiding that I do. I’m trying to save my edges and besides, it’s been like a high of 100 degrees every day this summer, so there is no way I was going to battle with some long yarn braids in this heat. My homeskillet for life and hairstylist extraordinaire, Lavvie aka Lavenderchic told me “you should do something different and try a weave” but I didn’t think that I was mentally ready for a weave. So, after much thought I had this Aha! moment where I said to myself “how about a wig?”…and that’s how yours truly scoured some beauty supply shops and is now the proud owner of two wigs. I like my wigs…I only wear them on weekends when I’m being too lazy to deal with my hair. I haven't considered them for weekdays because I prefer to not have to deal with hair in my face on a typical weekday hustle. I like the fact that I can slap ze wiggies on when I feel like, and toss them off my head when I’m not in the mood for hair. And, like most wigs/weaves, they give my looks a certain upgrade. I throw a wig on, and I go from “natural haired girl next door” to “Ohh, you is looking good girl!”

Fast forward to the main reason for this blog post: I have this dear friend who is always trying to hook me up with somebody. I was talking to her the other day, and she was telling me how she has this friend who I might gel with etc etc. Then she’s like “by the way, I saw a picture of you with your new hair and OMG girl, that is the picture that I need to be sending to all the dudes”… “In fact, that is the type of hair that you need to be rocking because it was so fabulous, and you looked amazing” etc etc. I had to laugh abeg. From the way my babe dey yarn, you would think that I look like a housegirl on the regular. I mean, I know that with my naps, I probably don't fall into the "glamorous" category but shiii I know I'm cute at least... LOL. But in all honesty, this was nothing new to me. A lot of people have told me and continue to tell me that they prefer seeing me with “hair” (read: anything other than my naps). Even I will agree that hair (if done right) generally upgrades anyone’s looks. But still, I felt a bit uncomfortable about her trying to use this wigged up picture of me for marketing purposes because in all honesty, that is nothing but false advertising. By false advertising, I mean…that is not me 90% of the time, and I would have preferred that she market me with pictures of nappy ol’me, as opposed to curly wigged up me, because nappy me is generally who anybody is guaranteed to see for the most part. These guys may see that wigged up, glam looking picture as their first point of contact for marketing purposes, then meet me with my naps and it’ll be like “errrr…where is the girl in the picture?” And, in all honesty, I still don’t think that most Nigerian men appreciate women with natural hair, for their own individual reasons. 

The convo with my friend had me thinking about other reactions that I’ve had to this wig of mine (and hair in general). I attended a wedding the other weekend, and some dude who I see at practically every event and he’d never said a word to me, came up to me at this particular wedding and stated that I “looked familiar” and “do we have mutual friends?” He then proceeded to make quite a bit of convo…I mean, I was quite surprised by the sudden friendliness and trust that I attributed it to ze wiggy. Why not? I don see dude countless times, and he never spoken a word…all of a sudden, I look familiar and he trynna kiki it up? 
Another male friend stated that my “hair” was really nice, and why don’t I wear it more often? Not to mention the various compliments that I received from my female friends. I went for another wedding where I ran into a bunch of my ex-feddy girls (who I must note that I had seen quite recently sans wiggies) and I got a lot of “wow, you look great girl”. I appreciated it all, but I kept thinking… “this is all nice, but it’s also very temporary”.

I have even gotten comments from my family members about hair on my head (i.e. braids). I once went to pick my mom up from her friend’s house. Then, I had a head of long yarn braids…and so, on the way home, my mom told me that a lady who she met commented on how “her daughter was so beautiful”. Then my mom turned to look at me and stated that I should consider keeping my hair in braids more often than not, as opposed to wearing it out in its natural form like I’m prone to do. I laughed. Even my sister once commented that braids really look good on me, and added that I should braid my hair more often because according to her, “my individuality is so strong that I need to wean Naija guys small small”. I laughed at that too.

I’m not even mad at anyone’s opinions…I do get their points. They say that a woman’s hair is her crowning glory, and I know that "hair" does add some kind of an upgrade, and dare I say, ups my “level of attractiveness”… but I still generally prefer to wear my own hair in its most natural state. That’s when I feel like my truest self, and in my opinion, everything else that I put on my hair is just false advertising. I prefer for, and feel more comfortable when men approach me with my naps, as opposed to any kind of artificial hair on my head. And, in an ideal world, people would think that I looked equally as amazing as a nappy headed HOttie, as they think that I do with braids or a wig… but we live in a world where packaging is what’s hot on the streets. The better packaged you appear to be, the more attractive you are considered to be. 
I will still continue to wear any of my two wigs when I feel like it. I appreciate the diversity that they bring, especially on days that I do not feel like dealing with and styling my hair…but on the flip, I gotta learn how to process the positive attention and comments that I get as a result of wearing the wiggies.

On that note, Im outtie for now.

Peace and Love, brethren *dutty whines out of this joint with my nappy roots*

Tidbits

I was invited to a baby shower yesterday, and so my friend and his wife picked me up. On the way, his wife was saying how my friend had shown her my pictures on Facebook, and she was gushing about how cool and interesting I looked back in the day. She said that when she saw the pictures, she was like "What? Is this the same person?" and talmbout how my short hair looked great on me and I should think about cutting my hair again (as her husband had told me too). So I was thinking about it like true true... as the years I passed, I've toned it down a bit. Back in '08/'09 I would color my hair in bold colors like reds, blondes...Shieeet, I was doing blonde before Amber Rose surfaced so it used to vex me when people said that I was jacking her style. Clothing wise sef, I was more daring and "out there". But the way she was yarning, you would think I had converted from bold and beautiful to Mary-amaka...LOL. I'm still out there wearing bright colors and chit, I just toned it down some. I guess the toned down approach and more subtlety can be attributed to getting older. Although I would chop off my hair and color it again in a heartbeat...if I worked in a less conservative environment.


Speaking of getting older, I'm turning 29 on Friday. Whoop, whoop! I'm one of the few individuals who apparently looks forward to getting older. I suck at planning and doing stuff for my own birthday and so I have zero plans apart from get a facial and massage (thank you Living Social) and a mani/pedi. I remember when 29 seemed so far away, and now it's around the corner. All in all, I'm thankful for life thus far, and for the new year that is approaching.


Mennn I need to be one of those women that get pregnant, pop the kid, and get back to my pre-pregnancy body in the blink of an eye. Shuoooo. I was telling my friend's wife that she is a MILF. She just had her kid in April and is already back to her size 4 self. Babe even gave us bodycon dress to show case all that mommy fabulousness. Granted, my friend pulled some drastic measures and refused to let her indulge in a lot of her pregnancy cravings which I side-eyed the heck out of him for. If she wanted icecream, he would tell her to eat fruit...and she worked out for a good chunk of her pregnancy. I guess it worked out well. He's always told me that he doesn't demand much from women apart from: she sex him well, and she shouldn't get fat. And in all fairness, he spoils the heck out of his wife so I guess that's a good trade off.


My sister was talking about how you go to weddings, and when it's time to catch the bouquet, the MC actually calls you out. As they say on Twitter, that's the "absolute worst!", I was like I bet the married/engaged women look on in amusement and think "thank Goodness, I don't have to go through that".


Men, everybody in this life has settled down. I did my monthly Facebook log-on to catch up on everybody else's life, and my homepage was filled with wedding pictures, pregnancy photoshoots, and one year old birthday parties. Like shioooo. Okay, maybe Im exaggerating some but you get the drift abi?


On that note, I'm still not ready to settle down. In the meantime, I am working on myself and my improvement of self.


Back to gist of everybody settling, along with that comes the fact that settled people move in their own circles. Take the baby shower for instance, it was filled with a whole bunch of wedding bands, and kids running around. I just perched in a corner with a couple of drinks...at least the alcohol was flowing freely :-D


Who is watching the Olympics? I see that Nigerians are representing on the USA and GB teams. Their parents must feel so proud. 


And that was all she said. Tell this Blogger's block to free me abeg.


Have a great week ahead folks! :-)

Meet...ADAKU

 The internet streets have been buzzing lately 'cos there's a new girl in town, and it's ADAKU.

I've known ADAKU for a while and for as long as I've known her, I've always admired her creative flair. Among the list of things that seriously up her cool girl factor (such as being my fellow PH sister, modelling part time, hooking up some bad ass interior decoration, and that HAIR), she is gifted with an amazing voice AND also writes songs.  This US-Based Nigerian Singer/Songwriter from Rivers State has had to hide her talent and passion for singing in order to fully complete her degree education in Electrical Engineering, an education which has finally culminated in a Master's Degree in Electrical Engineering (whoop whoop for smart chicks!). Throughout her education however, Adaku continued to immerse herself in music whenever and wherever she could - her YouTube covers of popular songs such as Bruno Mars' "Grenade", Adele's "Someone Like You and Nneka's "Heartbeat, garnering over 100,000 views on the popular video platform. 

This Singer/Songwriter who also plays the guitar and piano is set to storm the world with her uniquely sublime talents and is certainly well on her way on this journey as she was handpicked by YouTube as one of the five female artists that knocked their socks off in their Fresh Faces series. This included a full day's feature on Youtube's music homepage.

ADAKU just released her fresh new single titled "Or You Can". In her own words, ADAKU describes "Or You Can" as a song about being there for a friend, a lover or a loved one who needs a shoulder to lean on and most importantly a "big ass fro" to lay on. Initially posted on Youtube as a bedroom recording and a deviation from the usual YouTube cover videos, "Or You Can" took on a life of its own with over 15,000 YouTube views and troves of positive feedback that Adaku decided to create a studio version of "Or You Can" and release it as a single. Superbly written and produced by Adaku, it is a beautiful acoustic song with great lyrics and soothing guitar play that leaves the listener captivated and enthralled.

Take a listen to "Or You Can", and watch the video here:

And download the song and share the link with your friends here:

 Or You Can (Studio) Single

MEDIA & BOOKINGS:   

Please direct all media and booking inquiries to Management >>adakumusic@gmail.com 

MORE ADAKU (Stalk her on social media y'all!!)

Facebook: http://facebook.com/Adaku 

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/muzikizoxygen

YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/muzikizoxygen

Musings on Death

My eldest sister passed away in 2005. I remember that period very clearly…it was right around the final exams period and my parents didn't want to tell me because they wanted me to focus on my exams. However I noticed that during that period, I started getting random “check-in” calls from family friends, and even my family. They were trying to gauge from the tone of my voice whether I had heard the news. I was living in complete oblivion and carrying on with my life. I lived in that state of unawareness for about a week after her death until one day a family friend called me and left a voice mail where he basically sobbed and said he was so sorry to hear about my sister’s death. And that was how I found out that my eldest sister had died.

That was the first death for us as a family unit, and for the longest time I used to comfort myself with the hope that my eldest sister had basically "taken one for the team" and God wouldn’t be so unkind as to break any of our hearts with another untimely death. These days I’m not too sure about that. God can break your heart anyway that he wants, and it's all meant to be according to his will/he has a reason for doing so. Please note that I am not assuming a tone of defiance here, I'm just saying it as it appears to be. I don't get the reason behind these things when they occur, but ah well.

In June or maybe July of 2011, there was a death that somehow or the other affected at least one person whom I knew. Five people died in a fiery car crash on their way back from a wedding in Anambra state. Two of the victims were the bride’s brother and sister, and the other two were the bride’s best friend/Maid of Honor and an American coworker/friend (who was visiting Nigeria for the first time ever and apparently was an only child). A whole bunch of people knew the deceased siblings, and the bride’s best friend was supposed to be my one of my friends’ roommate and partner-in-crime at Harvard Business School. They had met during the interview process and formed a fast friendship. My friend and the bestie/roomie/MOH were even meant to go on an Eurotour, which was scheduled for a few weeks after her death. To make it even sadder, the poor girl died a few days before her birthday. News of this very unfortunate and fatal car accident travelled far and wide. Even my mother and sister were talking about it. The whole thing made me step back and think…like why Lord? Why would he be so unkind as to take 2 children from a woman? One child is bad enough, but 2?? Why would you let 5 people perish in such a terrible way? Why would you wipe out a girl's brother, sister AND best friend too, like dayum. What about the American parents who lost their only child? How were they even supposed to try to deal with such horrible news? They say that God has a reason for everything…what was God’s reason for this car accident? Everybody had incredible stories about how these victims were young, bright, smart, and ready to take on life so why would it all be snuffed short like poof? They say that we should not question God in situations like that, but I beg to differ. Are we supposed to sit back and take whatever comes our way without asking a few questions? Why can’t we ask God why?
In the light of that tragedy, I was like na wa o. If God can allow a woman’s 2 children to perish in one fell swoop, what makes me or my other family members special? My big sister might have died, but that doesn’t mean that the rest of us get an automatic pass to live till ripe old ages.

And then yesterday, there was the fresh tragedy that is the Dana Airlines plane crash. I've been in a very somber mood since I heard the news. In fact, when I initially heard about that crash, I had a bad feeling about it. I said, with the 2 degrees of separation that most Nigerians have, we are guaranteed to be directly or indirectly affected by the crash. I have lost family friends in the 3 most recent crashes that occurred in Nigeria and I was filled with a sense of trepidation about this one. It's as if I knew…
As I perused the manifest, I say a familiar name and I said it’s a lie! Not him! Not my childhood friend who was my next door neighbor. His sister and I were childhood besties, and he and my brother were also pretty close. We literally were always at each other’s houses, we played together, our older sisters were homies and in general, our families were quite intertwined. Not him! He was like a brother when we were growing up, so seeing his name on that manifest and later confirming the news on BBM really left me in low spirits. The even more messed up thing about the situation is that his father was just buried last month, and now him? My God, I can’t even imagine how his mother and siblings must feel, if I feel this level of sadness. And of course, I had questions. I asked God why. Why would you let this happen? Why would you bestow such tragedy on a family in the space of barely 2 months. Once again, fresh perspective that neither me nor my family members are any special.

There were stories of victims in the crash that really struck a chord within me. There was a pastor and his wife…leaving 3 young children behind. I heard about an entire family…husband, wife, the wife’s mother, their 3 children, and 2 cousins. There were 2 sisters who flew in from the States to attend a wedding, There was somebody’s father, There was a girl who was supposed to be getting married to my friend's cousin this coming August etc etc. As I heard these stories, my heart sank all over again and I asked God why. Why would he allow an entire family to be wiped out? Poof. Just like that. What is the reason behind that? I struggle to understand. The pastor and his wife nko, why didn’t God protect his own? Again, why should parents lose their 2 daughters just like that? Why did 153 people die in such a senseless death? So many questions…
And then the thought of what those people's last moments must have been like just gives me the chills. Especially those little children. Father Lord!

I don’t believe that every death is meant to be, or that it was their time. I don’t believe that all those peoples’ lives were meant to end yesterday. I don’t know why it happened, and I don’t have any answers to my questions so I will continue to muse and throw a few questions here and there.
In the meantime, the world keeps turning and life goes on. Yesterday, Twitter was ablaze with news of the crash, today we have moved on to tweeting about the same ol' things that we tweeted about before Sunday, June 3rd. Even for the families that must be going through some gut wrenching grief, life goes on and the world keeps turning.

Ultimately, the lesson that I take away from all these tragedies is that we may pray to God and ask for his mercies but ultimately, he has the final say. I mean, they say that his mercies keep us, but the ones that died nko? Were they undeserving of his mercies? Again, so many questions and zero answers. Well, until my timely or untimely death comes, I continue to be thankful that I can see another day. Like my sister said to me yesterday; God gives, and God takes. Until he takes, may I continue to enjoy the gift of life and not take it for granted, amen.

To the 153+ people who lost their lives yesterday, may your souls continue to rest in perfect peace. Amen. To the families that they left behind, I cannot even begin to imagine how you feel right now. I've been very subdued since the incident, so you must feel a million times worse than I do. Please take heart. To friends and coworkers, stay strong people. Sigh.

Me, Me and Me.

I really haven't had anything specific to say, hence my extended period of silence. As opposed to a full on post, I have a bunch of random stuff that I just wanna yarn. You feel my p? Yeah, I know you do.

I have been experiencing bits and pieces of what you might call a 28th year life crisis. More and more moments of "why am I here?", "What am I supposed to be doing?", "What do I really want to do with my life?" etc etc. I'm almost 29, I should have some kind of idea should't I? I feel an even greater sense of envy/admiration for people who have those aspects of their lives figured out 'cos I know absolutely nothing.

Groupon and LivingSocial are great, but those sites will have you buying a whole bunch of stuff that you don't need. You're like "ooooh it's just $15...swipe!". Last year, I let a Kayaking tour, 6 pole dancing classes, and 15 Yoga classes expire. I always redeem the food/restaurant deals though...trust me na :-D.
In general sha, my attitude towards shopping has been "do I really want that?", "does it call my name?"...and that's how I've done a pretty good job in protecting my debit card in this first half of 2012.

I have a great number of pet peeves/things that annoy me. Examples would be people who don't know how to use their signal (or trafficator in Naija speak) when they turn, people who walk too slow when I'm rushing somewhere, people who take up 2 seats in a full bus/train etc etc. But I think that one of my top 3 list of pet peeves are people who just show up to my apartment unannounced. In this world of BBM, phone, Skype, Twitter, Instagram and all the other million and one social networks, there are more than enough ways to notify me before you make your grand entrance at my home. Don't play yourself and show up knocking on my door without telling me in advance, 'cos the same way you arrived unannounced is the same way you will depart unannounced.

I am not an adrenaline junkie. Everybody out there is living life on the edge going skydiving, bungee jumping, ziplining, scuba diving...ha niile and etcetra etcetra.  I mean, even roller coasters freak me out but I'll still ride on one just to be a good sport. That adrenaline ish is not for me, and I am content with living life sitting on the edge of my bed. Y.O.L.O.

Graduation season is here. I like graduation season. The excitement at being done with school, the hope for the future and all the cool gifts of kerse. I still remember my own graduation day. I was happy to be done with school after I almost made it a career. In retrospect sha, sometimes I think that I was in such a hurry to graduate like my mates had done 1-2 years before I did, that I missed out on all the fun things I could have done i.e. studying abroad. I do remember when I graduated and folks would be like "I miss college life" and I'm like who misses college life? Now I totally see it. The freedom and liberty to do as you please, without being accountable to anybody but yourself (and maybe the people who control the purse strings).

The other day one of the people I follow on Twitter commented on how she is a naturally happy person/not a hardcore person and how she'd see comments such as "Happy people annoy me" and she initially felt hurt by such comments. I told her, girl if you are happy then nothing do you. I have nothing against bright and happy people. In this world where everybody is always like "I'm so crazy", "I'm a bitch", "I don't play", "I'm a pessimist" etc and it's considered to be cool, what's wrong with being a constantly happy kid? If that's your steez then stay happy, stay bubbly, and enjoy your life. Nothing do you.

One of my least favorite foods to cook is Jollof rice. It just never turns out right.

The other day my mom and my sister commented that I can be moody. I was like what?? Then I remembered how back in the day, one of my retail managers stated that I can be temperamental. I have to think about alla that, but I highly doubt that moody is a word that folks could use to describe me #Noselfdenial

I just realized how these set of of randoms is focused on me, me and me (hence the inspiration for the title). Heyy, we all have our self absorbed days.

 And on that note, I is O-U-T. Gotta catch up on ze blogs.

The Return of Zya Felix

Back in 2009, I blogged about Zya Felix's debut collection of lovely clutch bags and she's back again in the '12 with a brand new collection. I've known Zya for quite a while now, and she has always had a creative, hustling spirit which I very much admire. I even once "borrow posed" with one of the clutch bags from her debit collection and got so many compliments and "washing"...I was feeling like a real G6 that day. If I had as much talent as she had, I would be out here killing y'all with all kinds of handmade goodies...best believe that!

This Houston based Esquire + MBA + Designer triple threat of a lady really shows that versatility is not an area in which she is lacking. Without too much long story, I present to you...Zya Felix's new collection of clutch bags.

Please check out her website @ (www.zyafelix.com), and acquaint yourselves with her collection...She has even more styles that are not pictured here. And for the jewelry lovers, she also has some lovely statement necklaces for your viewing (and purchasing) pleasure. Ladies, buy some cute bags and jewelry for yourselves, your BFFs, your cousins....and dudes, hook your girl/sister/cousin up with a gift, just because :-D. For my Yankee based people, mothers day is just around the corner, so hook all the lovely mamas in your lives up with a nice gift.

Also, note that Ms. Zya has the following specials going on, so take advantage of them quickly at www.Zyafelix.com:
- For the month of APRIL ONLY, get free shipping on items over $70 with the coupon code: Freeship
OR
- Also, for the month of APRIL ONLY, get 10% off purchases over $50 with the code: ZFLaunch10

Peace and Love.

Random Ramblings...

Taynement made me do this...

As much as it seems that everybody and their mama is getting engaged and married, I still feel that there are a LOT of single folks out here on these streets with no significant others in sight.

Speaking of marriage, maaan people dey code sha. I remember back in May 2011 when my family friend stopped by my spot, and we were talking about how it’s a tough life out on the single streets. As I dey yarn, babe dey follow me yarn. I even asked…"How far na? Any better?" and she was like “Mann, nothing dey o”. Fastforward to November, and my mom announced that this same family friend was planning her traditional AND white wedding for December 2011 with a guy that she had been with for 4 years. I was like hia! O_o… Omo, these days you can’t assume that everybody that is following you to yarn singility really is single. Babes and Goiz are coding things hard. I mean, I understand not deliberately wanting to announce your status to the world, but if folks flat out ask if you’re seeing someone why code? Ah wellz, to each his and her own.

There was another instance of coding where another babe who we know coded her relationship die! Then on her wedding day, she uploaded traditional pictures as her BB DP and it was like “Woahh, this chick was even seeing someone in the first place?”. Apparently, even her close friends were kinda sorta in the dark. LOL.

You ever notice all those folks on Twitter who tweet things like “Chilling in the VIP with @xxx and @yyy”, "Sushi and champagne with my girlies" or “Relaxing at home with a glass of Pinot Noir and some scented candles” etc etc. Those tweets actually crack me up. How come no one ever tweets about the regular azz events in their lives like “Sipping on some fanta and watching TV”, "meatpie and "mineralsss" at Mr. Biggs" or “now sitting at home reading a book” but must tweet all the so-called "posh" events like “Enjoying some Thai food and white wine with my BFFs”. Hilarity.

I think that “old age” has finally caught up with me. For the last couple of months, this is how I spend a typical weekend: Get home on Friday after work, park my car and not move it until I go to church on Sunday (only recently), or work on Monday morning. I think the last time I actually dressed up for an event was in October. Ah ah, this kent be life na. I tried to blame it on winter hibernation, but apparently I wasn’t that much better in the summer either. I’m sure my girl is tired of inviting me to things. She sends me invites every week and I tell her that I’m studying (which I am supposed to be doing actually :-/). Welp! Gats do better this summer sha. And, ah well, if nothing else I can continue to look fondly on the summer of ’09 (my most fun-filled and the bestest summer so far) and ride on those memories :-D

Yours truly is a product junkie. I have phases where I’m into different things. At some point, it was pashmina scarves. Then it was berets and hats. Then it was sunglasses. Lately, it’s been beauty products and lipstick!!! (Ulta is the devil y’alll)… I don’t know when I turned into some sort of mini-lipstick junkie but I have entirely way too many tubes. Which is fine, ‘cos I’m that girl who will wear bright lipstick to run an errand. Lipstick must not waste.

Look, if you ever have to rent a car…bone up and pay that extra $50 or whatever for rental insurance. I rented a car over Thanksgiving break, and was feeling cheap so decided not to get rental insurance ‘cos I have personal auto insurance. Long story short, I hit a rock while parking, and Geico only shelled out like $250 to cover the claim and I had to pay over $600 in out of pocket expenses. E dey pain. Learn from me y’all.

Like I said, you have Taynement to thank for this post…and the post before this actually. That is one friend who actually tries to hold me accountable. For instance, in my soon to be 29 years on planet Earth, I had never been to the Gynecologist and for as long as I’ve known Taynement, she’s been harassing me to go to the Gyno. Soooo after a recent threat *gulp*, I decided to cart myself to the gyno. Trust me, it was the most uncomfortable/awkward 5 minutes of my life yooo but heyy, I did it! So, let me harass some of you too…go to the gyno (if you haven't) !!! LOL. Might I add that after the Gyno, I was feeling extra motivated and subsequently scheduled appointments with the dentist and an physician for an annual checkup…so I’ve done my good healthy thing for 2012, to be continued annually from this point on. Amin!

On that note, I get the impression that most people in Naija don’t do the regular medical and dental checkups. Like here in Yanks, they preach to you… “Go for your annual gyno checkup”, “get your annual physical”, “get your teeth cleaned every X months”…but in Naija, it seems that folks just be smooth sailing and living seemingly long and healthy lives. It is only by the grace of God o jare.

I should do a post on the things I've learned off Twitter, but here's one of them from Nigerian Twitter: Everything tastes like struggle. Every single thing. Beans? "Such struggle food"... Jollof rice? "Struggleeee", Garri? "Nah men...that's all about the struggle". I'm waiting for the day that someone will say that filet mignon tastes like struggle. It is coming soon.

And that is all she said...

Till we relate again. Peace, Love, and Hair Grease.

On Being too Picky, Settling etc etc…

The other day, my mom and I were discussing an eligible bro who was ready to get married and identified my sister as the one for him. Unfortunately for him, my sister wasn't feeling his ringtone. It was a bit of a dilemma for her because she said that while he looked absolutely amazing on paper and seemed like he would make a good husband, good father etc etc, she just didn't feel that connection with him. I said you know what sis? There is absolutely nothing that is doing you. Marriage is a lifetime commitment and you want to at least be excited about whoever you choose to spend the rest of your life with...Right? Right.

Sooo, as I dey yarn…me and momsie were discussing this matter and my mom just couldn’t understand why my sister would let a grounded and eligible bro like that pass her by. In an effort to do voltron force, I said “Mommy abeg, she’s not feeling the dude naa so allow her”…Omooo, momsi just vex! In a rare outburst of frustration, she said “Ehn, you and your sister are so picky, always talking about connections and compatibility…if you guys do not take care, both of you will be left on the shelf”. I had the O.O expression on my face, then I was like whaaat? and I burst into a fit of laughter. I mean, it was quite funny actually...like say what now?? After I laff finish, I was like “Ah ahnn, Mommyyyy”. But she was on a roll…

She now proceeded to give me the following examples:

“Do you think that Uncle A was this well dressed and polished when Aunty B met him? Nooo, she polished him and molded him”.

“Do you think that Uncle X was this accomplished when he met Aunty Y?”

Etc etc.

She rounded off by stating that my sister dearest and I are always going on and on about this connection thing, or saying that a guy is too this and too that but you can grow to love your husband in a marriage.

I mean, that day my mama show me say this matter wey her daughters never marry dey seriously chook am. Ya know, I ain’t even mad at her. She has spent too much money on other people’s asoebi and it’s about time that folks kwa come and spend money on her own asoebi. The Lord is on the throne.

But…

Dag. Can I at least want what I want, and not want to settle without folks thinking that I’m being too picky? I’m not stuck in a bubble where I think that everything that I say or do cannot be challenged. I know what it means to be too picky and I don’t consider myself to be unreasonable with it. I mean…I would love my dude to come pre-packaged and ready made to fit a good portion of the elements that I’m looking for. Like why do I have to be the one to polish and mold him? As you see me so, I’m a constant work in progress and I’m not waiting for superman to swoop in and upgrade me. Na me wey go upgrade myself. So, if I meet a guy who I feel isn’t up to what I would like then no, it’s not my game plan to “just go with it and try to change him to fit my ideal over the course of time”. Sorry momma.

Settling

I read a very interesting blogpost the other day that made me think. Long story short, a bride is walking down the aisle soon and she feels no butterflies or extreme excitement for her groom. But she knows that he’s a wonderful man, and will make a good husband etc etc (I paraphrase).

After I was done reading, I asked myself…would I want to do this/would I do this? And as of today, my answer is no. For me, having a connection/spark/butterflies/excitement is so necessary. I need to be excited about my significant other, I need to have a great connection with him and I need him to stimulate me in every single way. I have never been in love or loved, but I absolutely know that I want to be in love and love whoever I decide to spend the rest of my life with. I do not want to just marry whoever because he looks good on paper and hope that he will grow on me as time goes by or hope that I grow to love him. What if he doesn’t? What if I don't? Will I now spend the rest of my life wondering "what if I had waited to see what else was out there?"....

Now I realize that friendship is key because ultimately you need to be with someone who is your friend, and so I want a man who will be my friend, and all of the above and more sef...I get open eye na :D

I’m not even game for that “let a man grow on you” mentality. I’ve done it once…dude was really sweet and we had good convo, and so even though I knew that I didn’t feel any kind of spark/excitement for him, I was like hey let’s give it a shot and maybe he will grow on me. It never happened and along the course of the relationship, he was way more into me than I was into him. I mean, he made a great boyfriend and I will recommend him to anybody…but it was just not for me.

Yep...I'm not trying to be about that "I can grow to love him" life. Like I always say...the world will question your decisions and offer their opinions i.e. My mom telling us that we can grow to love our husbands in marriage, but ultimately when I marry the man, it's just gonna be both of us. My mom ain't going follow me into my marital home and follow me as I try to love my husband sooo....

Now in terms of the person who wrote that post, I can’t say that she settled. Everyone has their own kini when it comes these matters and so I’m just speaking for myself and what I want.

What do you guys think? Are butterflies overrated? Is excitement overrated? What is settling to you? - Please excuse the JAMB questions. Hehehehe.

Aniwoos jare, it's the month of February but it's not too late to say Happy New Year abi? I really haven't had much to say in general and so I've just been chilling. Figured I would post this up while it's still fresh on my mind.

I hope y'all are all safe, sound and at peace.

We go relate.