Friday, April 25, 2008

What's your Number?

So I was reading Afro babe's blog about the double standards when it comes to wimmens and sex. And I decided that I would create a some guidelines for some scandal-free chooking. (Thank me later)....

...Just because we all know that the number of men you've been with is such a huge deal to some of our Naija men.

And of course, I'm all about abstinence and blah blah but I realize say bodi no be firewood. :)

So mai ladies...especially my Naija ladies. You wanro chook die, but you get rep to protect? Follow these guidelines and everything go dey Ok. Hehehehehehe.....

1. Whatever you do, He MUST not be Nigerian (In terms of a Chook buddy, 1 night stand etc etc). So pretty much aim for Akata, Oyibo, Jamo..even Chinko sef go do the work.
2. If possible, target a man that doesn't live in your neck of the woods/Your hood/Your state/ Your country
3. Chook away!!!! Keep it safe though.
4. Assuming you finally meet the Naija man of your dreams (If that's what you're looking for), and he asks you how men you've been with...*Pay attention ladies* Let's say you've been with a total of 10 men. Out of these 10, 7 of them were know what to do. You simple maintain your angelic demeanour and tell him that you've been with 3 guys.
5. Invite me for your wedding. Ha Ha Ha!

Have a great weekend y'all.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Nigerians and Tact

That word must be missing from our dictionaries.
We tend to say the most off the wall things and while I understand that half of the time, it's really not intentional, I have lived in Obodo Oyibo for way too long to know that ok, we need to watch how we talk.
I find myself randomly browsing random people's picture comments on Facebook and I'll see comments like this---> 'You look like you've added o. Did you add?' (Add= Gain weight)...and I'm sitting there thinking no shit! If they look like they added, then spank me silly..they probably did!
Or---> 'Ahhh what happened to you? You've added o'..again, spank me silly!
Me sef, I've been subject to a few tactless comments. I remember when my aunt saw me last christmas and all she kept on harping about was 'how fat I've become'. Of course she must have been going from the days when I used to wear a size 3/4 in express pants and I upgraded to a size 5/6. Now that's fat?
Or the most recent one that inspired this post. I picked my mom up from the airport on Sarraday. She had flown in from Naija with a friend of hers that I haven't seen since me na, I tok say make I go greet the woman.

Me: Aunty Good evening. *Reaches out for a hug*
Aunty: Mgbeke! *Hugs me back*...You've added. You have pimples. What happened?

*Blank stare*
I really and truly did brush it off my shoulders. For one, after the initial irritation, I realized that she was just being her typical Naija self and she probably didn't mean anything by it. Secondly, I have no issues with my weight and oh yes! I am a fine girl with pimples so no shaking.

I was just randomly thinking about how we Naija people tend to comment on everything we see without thinking hence the reason for his post.

Aniwoos hHow una dey sha? How ya weekend?
I'm enjoying the mom's visit actually o. The woman too dey worry sometimes I just KNOW she was one of them evil seniors who used to send ju babes up and down but it's all good. That aside, it's been nice. She cooked one correct Oha soup ehnnn...chei mai pipu. Na to lick plate die be that one o!

I go hala!

Friday, April 18, 2008

A Shopaholic's prayer

Oh lord,
Please deliver me from the evil clutches of Urban Outfitters and Ebay. Lord, you know that I have no business exceeding my shopping budget. Father, with your grace I rebuke all enablers and the spirit of joblessness that leads me to these websites. I pray that by your grace, I will be strong and RESIST all forms of temptation.


Chei, na serious wahala be this o. Haba! God dey sha....

So what's crackackin' for the weekend? Moms is visiting from Naija so as I get off work now, na to enter a grocery store and organize some stuvvs. I need to cook for her too and Lord knows I aint in the mood. It's been a long week and all I wanna do is fall into bed and sleep.

Have a fabulous weekend mai pipu. I go catch una next week.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Just because you're DYING to know...

An Intro won't be proper without some random tid bits. *grins*

1. I know the numbers to my credit and debit cards offhand
2. I've worked 18 jobs (Currently on the 19th) in my 6 years and some months of being in the US of A.
3. I don't like to curse
4. I color code my closet
5. I own more than 60 pairs of shoes
6. I'm a professional bargain hunter
7. I'd rather clean than cook
8. I love washing dishes
9. I never carried my desk to school or slept on a mat growing up so I don't know why people think that I'm an Mgbeke :D
10. I haven't been to church in errrm how long now.. *racks brain*
11. I speak/understand very little of my native language
12. I'm quite fluent in Pidgin
13. I got my first professional pedicure 2 months ago
14. I want to visit at least 30 of the 51 states before I die. So far I've done about 15 or so...
15. I got my driver's license when I was 23

*Draws a blank*
Ah can't say I never told you nothing 'bout me.

Good Day Mai Pipu

Aunty Mgbeke don arrive o. Oya organize the Nkwobi and Odeku!
Heeeeh! Tell me why I dey here dey organize blog when I have work sitting in front of me. Priorities...priorities. *smh*

I dey come o..make I chook head for this kini. I just wan introduce maisef. :D