Saturday, February 23, 2013

Such is Life

My friend’s wife once tried to hook me up with this dude. In the name of fairness and open-mindedness, added him to my BBM, and to start with, his beyond shorthand grammar was absolutely slaying. He typed things like:

am kul
I wz der
am cuming to ur hse

I mean, dude was across the seas so our communication was all occurring on ze BBMs. The first impression no make sense o jare. But grammar aside, the man’s communication skills no get part 2, and I honestly felt like it just wasn't gonna be a good pairing. The height of it all was one day when he sent me a BBM to ask how my day was going and I said “it’s going well…winding down”, and he responded with “ahh, I can tell you are having a good time”. In confusion, I asked what he meant by that, and he said “you are winding down…you must be a good dancer” (I’m obviously quoting this in perfect English here) and y’all…I had the BLANKEST stare on planet Earth. Nah bro.
*As a runner-up to this amaxe stuvvs, he once stated something about “popping campaign”, which I later learned to be “popping champagne”. Errr, nah.

But let’s not deviate…
So, one day my friend’s wife engaged me in a grilling session…asking me why I wasn't proactively checking for her homeboy, and how he always hit her with the feedback of how “I don’t PING him”, and he was frustrated with the situation because I was very non-responsive to his IMs, and not very forth-coming in general. As the voltron force for her boy, she gave me a long spiel about how he’s a really good guy that she can vouch for any day, and how he was doing very well in his businesses, and is generally frustrated ‘cos the wimmens in Nigeria are after him for his money, and so he wanted a fresh wholesome babe like yours truly (Stories that touch). She then added as her (well-intended) parting shot… “Please give my friend a chance. Remember that the men that we ladies tend to be checking for, usually aren’t checking for us so maybe you should face the ones that are checking for you”.

I chuckled at her not so veiled sub (there’s a back story to that) but in retrospect, regarding that “the ones you like don’t like you” steez, I wasn’t even mad at her ‘cos truer words have never been spoken. I was gisting with my friend one evening. This friend of mine has had quite a lot of toasters for as long as I've known her. She’s the kind of babe that always has at least 2 men actively on her case in any given period, and in general, bruvs are always hitting her with some pick-up line or the other. Recently sef, some bruv who has been on her case sent her a Facebook inbox dropping some hot lyrics about how he would love to upgrade her last name to his last name...LMAO, I’m not making this stuff up. So, one day we were doing a rundown of her toasters as she wondered why she had never given any of them face and whether she was being too picky, and she stated with pure frustration… “How come all the men that I've been crushing on aren't the ones that are on my case. In fact  if it was my crush Emeka* that had said that he wanted to upgrade my last name, I would have quickly responded to say… baby, no need to mention, I've already dropped my father’s name for yours”. I cracked up…I mean, it was hilarious but I could feel her frustration. Such are the complexities of life.

The people you are checking for usually aren't checking for you. The people that are checking for you usually aren't the ones you are checking for. Such is life my people. You can either weigh the pros and cons, and if the pros seem to outweigh the cons, try manage with a bird in hand even if you’re not completely sold (maybe one day you will)…or you can free your hands entirely and continue to do your thing until life hands you a balanced equation. I no be Ms. Cleo no ni…as I always say, do whatever works for you. And as you do it, remember that life is unfair and such is life! :-D

And that is all she said.

*Name changed so that said crush won’t be feeling like a G6/If said crush has a girlfriend, acid bath will not enter this matter.

PS:- In my last post, Ifeoma Odogwu asked me to remove my word verification in the comments. As soon as I did, I got like 40 anonymous folks spamming me with Viagra pills and other things that I don't need. So the verification is back to stay, I know it can be annoying but such is life. Hehehehe.