Like most other people in this world, there are 2 people within me fighting to get out and shine their light to the world.
One of them is the perpetual sinner who just wants to have fun, fun, FUN.
The other one is the good christian girl.
Most times, the perpetual sinner wins. She takes long leave of absences from church, and in general lives her life in a manner that goes against everything that God wants.
Other times, the good christian girl wins. In fact you know what? I can't even say that she wins...she wants to win and she almost always makes it till perpetual sinner catwalks in and steals the show. Back to square one baby!
Sooo these days, that good christian girl within has been pushing to get out. You see, somehow in my heart of hearts I know that is who I ultimately want to be, but then I get lazy/other things seem more appealing/I dunno...*shrugs*
I took another mini hiatus from church. Well this one wasn't planned, I really was out of town some weekends and just plain tired after going out on Saturday night and hitting the sack at 5am on Sunday morning the other weekends. (See the perpetual sinner's influence?). I finally made it back to church post hiatus and man o man, I was thinking 'why haven't I been coming sef?'. I felt like the message was what I needed to hear, and check this...somewhere in between it all, I felt some kind of inner peace creeping up on me and just lifting all my burdens of the last couple of weeks off my shoulders, and I felt so overwhelmed by it all that I, the Original Mgbeke of the dry tear ducts actually cried. Whaaaat? I never cry for anything...so since when did I start crying in church. I quickly attributed it to PMS sha and I'm sticking to that story. :o
One of them is the perpetual sinner who just wants to have fun, fun, FUN.
The other one is the good christian girl.
Most times, the perpetual sinner wins. She takes long leave of absences from church, and in general lives her life in a manner that goes against everything that God wants.
Other times, the good christian girl wins. In fact you know what? I can't even say that she wins...she wants to win and she almost always makes it till perpetual sinner catwalks in and steals the show. Back to square one baby!
Sooo these days, that good christian girl within has been pushing to get out. You see, somehow in my heart of hearts I know that is who I ultimately want to be, but then I get lazy/other things seem more appealing/I dunno...*shrugs*
I took another mini hiatus from church. Well this one wasn't planned, I really was out of town some weekends and just plain tired after going out on Saturday night and hitting the sack at 5am on Sunday morning the other weekends. (See the perpetual sinner's influence?). I finally made it back to church post hiatus and man o man, I was thinking 'why haven't I been coming sef?'. I felt like the message was what I needed to hear, and check this...somewhere in between it all, I felt some kind of inner peace creeping up on me and just lifting all my burdens of the last couple of weeks off my shoulders, and I felt so overwhelmed by it all that I, the Original Mgbeke of the dry tear ducts actually cried. Whaaaat? I never cry for anything...so since when did I start crying in church. I quickly attributed it to PMS sha and I'm sticking to that story. :o
But on the reals, I constantly wonder why I take mini-hiatuses from church because most times that I go, I love it. I do love my church and I enjoy praising, worshipping and generally being in God's presence. Left to me, I'd be in church everyday sef just to get that spiritual refreshment that will energize me and keep me going for the rest of the day. I don't know how to explain it jare...
I know some people might read this and think of the times they spotted me downing 4 shots of patron and scoff at everything that I've written so far, but I'm being serious here.
I mean for instance, I've always toyed with the idea that one day in my future I will end up being a deaconess at someones church.
At my current church, when they made the announcement that people interested in 'workers training' (training to be a church worker) should sign up after church, I actually considered it for a good minute. I thought, 'hmmm I would like to be an usher actually...' and then the Perpetual sinner within popped up...'Yeah right! You as usher? Psssh you ain't ready...' and true talk, I didn't feel ready.
I understand that you don't have to be Jesus Christ to work in church, in fact a lot of people sign up to work in the church as a means of strengthening their spiritual lives by praying with and being around people with similar interests but I've alreadys felt that people who work in the church are pretty much representatives of the church and so if you the church usher/protocol (I go to RCCG) is spotted up in the club dry humping some chick, how am I supposed to view you and what you are trying to represent? I don't know that you are a 'struggling' christian. To my outsiders eyes, you are Amina who works at X church grinding it up on Saturday night and jumping and waving in worship bright and early on Sunday morning. But that's just my very black and white POV...and this is besides the point o jare. The main the main matter be say, I no ready to be shush worker.
However, good christian girl is kinda sorta ahead of the game right now. Imagine, I went to the library a couple of days ago and as opposed to my usual chick lit...OK make I no lie. I mean, in addition to my usual chick lit, I got a whole bunch of christian literature. In fact the person checking out my books might have thought I was bipolar if he had paid close attention to my selection. 'The lady, her lover, and her lord' and the next one was 'Home wrecker'. Ha Ha!
I'm starting to ramble...I don't know what I'm trying to say here.
I know some people might read this and think of the times they spotted me downing 4 shots of patron and scoff at everything that I've written so far, but I'm being serious here.
I mean for instance, I've always toyed with the idea that one day in my future I will end up being a deaconess at someones church.
At my current church, when they made the announcement that people interested in 'workers training' (training to be a church worker) should sign up after church, I actually considered it for a good minute. I thought, 'hmmm I would like to be an usher actually...' and then the Perpetual sinner within popped up...'Yeah right! You as usher? Psssh you ain't ready...' and true talk, I didn't feel ready.
I understand that you don't have to be Jesus Christ to work in church, in fact a lot of people sign up to work in the church as a means of strengthening their spiritual lives by praying with and being around people with similar interests but I've alreadys felt that people who work in the church are pretty much representatives of the church and so if you the church usher/protocol (I go to RCCG) is spotted up in the club dry humping some chick, how am I supposed to view you and what you are trying to represent? I don't know that you are a 'struggling' christian. To my outsiders eyes, you are Amina who works at X church grinding it up on Saturday night and jumping and waving in worship bright and early on Sunday morning. But that's just my very black and white POV...and this is besides the point o jare. The main the main matter be say, I no ready to be shush worker.
However, good christian girl is kinda sorta ahead of the game right now. Imagine, I went to the library a couple of days ago and as opposed to my usual chick lit...OK make I no lie. I mean, in addition to my usual chick lit, I got a whole bunch of christian literature. In fact the person checking out my books might have thought I was bipolar if he had paid close attention to my selection. 'The lady, her lover, and her lord' and the next one was 'Home wrecker'. Ha Ha!
I'm starting to ramble...I don't know what I'm trying to say here.
I don't know how long this will last, or when perpetual sinner will attempt to steal the show again but for now, I am enjoying this...
Whatever it is....
:-)
Whatever it is....
:-)
*For Zena: Apart from the Christian Lit, I got 3 Jodi Picoult books...' Change of heart' (This is REALLY good, didn't finish it the last time so I got it again) 'Mercy' and 'Keeping Faith'.
'Love the one you're with'- Emily Giffin
'Homewrecker'- Dwayne S Joseph
