Stuff Britigerians/Naija people like

In my rant about Nigerians, I promised to come back and do a post dedicated to my britico people. I've decided to include Naija folk too 'cos in some areas y'all just as guilty.

For purposes of this post: Naija folk= Nigerians living in Naija.

I was going to put off doing this post, but I got new inspiration after viewing some particularly scary pictures of masquerades women at a party. I mean like damn! Their makeup was on some straight up scary ish. Upon viewing the pics, I said I bet these chicks are Jand chicks...and sho' nuff, ya girl was right!
And since we are discussing women, our numero uno item on this list is:

1. Warpaint Makeup: Britigerians/Naija folk like to approach the concept of applying makeup like they are going to war. What is up with the 4 layers of caked on foundation, the heavily penciled in eyebrows, the oh so obviously fake lashes and what have you? I am convinced that you can always spot a britigerian from afar just based on their makeup. I once went bowling with a group of people, and 2 of the girls in the mix showed up with a full face of makeup. I mean, the makeup sef would have been inappropriate for the club...it was just too much. I peeped them and thought to myself...'these chicks must be from jand' and sho' nuff they were introduced as someone's cousins from London. All I could do, was mentally chuckle.
As for Naija chicks...all I have to say is spend some time in the homeland and peep how these chicks are always ready for war. A trip to Everyday supermarket= A full face of makeup.
A trip to the drycleaners= A full face of makeup.
It got so bad that my friend swore that she stopped wearing white shirts in Lagos because after hugging everyone that she met along the way, by the time she went home her shirt was stained with random chicks' MAC, Covergirl, Bobbi Brown and what have you...and ol' girl never wears make up o.
Anyway I no blame babes sha, you might meet your husband anywhere so one always has to be prepared.

2. An extra full head of cascading curls/lacefronts that look like an animal died while crawling towards their foreheads: I mean come on people, what is up with that extra big hair that y'all be doing? Or those ridiculous looking lacefronts? There are lacefronts, and there are lacefronts. There are weaves, and there are weaves. That jacked up and overdone looking ish just adds to that overall barbie doll wey miss road look. Oh and let's not even start with the blue/green/yellow contacts. Tsk...tsk...tsk.

3. Typing with missing vowels: This one doesn't even make sense. People text you with ish like this--> 'am cumn ova 2 ur hse n i wnna c u' or 'lukn gud chica' and I'm just like amazed. Are vowels becoming extinct? If so, someone let me know so that I can launch a 'Save the vowels' campaign. A repeat offender in Nigeria tried to justify this by explaining that you are only allowed 300char per text, at a rate of N15 per text and most peeps didn't wanna spend more money than neccesary so they shortened the text. Ok, ok I hear ya but does Facebook charge N15 per wall message? Does MSN charge N15 per chat sentence? More importantly, how does it affect Britigerians, since they are the main the main repeat offenders and I'm sure the British government doesn't charge 15p per text? So many questions, so little answers.

4. Baffing up unneccesarily: Nigerians are the major culprits here. They say that it is better to be overdressed, than underdressed but man, folk to taking that one to the next level shaaaa. Gotta head out to Silverbird to catch a flick or the tailor to drop off come clothing for adjusting? Make sure you pack all your trends into one outfit o and give them your best sunday baffs. Ah ah! Make sure you incorporate the huge abortion belt, rubber wetlook leggings or a high waist mini skirt into your outfit. LOL...oh and don't forget to add 2-3 cocktail rings o!
I even hear say some babes for Naija dey give knee length boots and leather skirt to head out to a casual place. I mean, first things first...why are you wearing boots and a leather skirt in 100 degree weather? Once again, so many questions, so little answers.


5. Labels: Britigerians/Nigerians love labels. More importantly, they love labels that the whole world can see, so it will be pretty common that on your next trip to Jand/Naija, 7 out of 10 girls will be carrying logo bags; Coach being the most common of course, then Louis Vuitton and Gucci. Who cares if it's the authentic ish, or if it's the Canal street version. Any logo will do.

6. Raving about Nandos and looking down on ASOS: This applies to the Britigerians. This Nandos ehn? we no go hear word o. I musto chop this Nandos when next I enter that London side. Oh, and notice how Yankee folk like me look at ASOS and think the stuff is cute, the typical Jand person will turn up their nose and say 'Hmmmph! their stuff is kinda cheap'. I guess ASOS = America's Forever 21?

7. Weird sayings: Britigerians again. What is 'High street', 'I fancy you', 'The loo', 'Innit', 'Yeah' at the end of every sentence etc etc etc. Britigerians talk 'funny', and I always imagine that bloggers such as Word Merchant, Afrobabe, Shona, RocNaija, Scribbles, etc etc all talk pretty 'funny'. I read their blogs with a british accent in my head. :-D

8. That 'Jand Awon boy' look, as Bumight will say...You know the look now. Naija peeps kwa dey do am. It may involve some skinny pants. It may involve a velvet blazer, oh it definitely involves a popped collar here and there. Infact I am convinced that these culprits keep a steady supply of starch for such popping purposes. It may involve a shirt, unbuttoned in the right places to show a peek of a hairy chest or two. It involves quite a bit of combinations of things that in all honesty, just amaze me.
PS:- In my heart, I just know that Danny Bagucci isn't your typical jand awon boy. :-D

9. Doing effizy stuvvs like going to Jand for a weekend to shop (My Naija folk), hitting up Yankee for a weekend to shop (Jand folk), and then casually mentioning it in passing: These Naija/Jand peeps hold pay o. Abi now? I haven't come across many Yankee folks who be dashing off to Naija/Jand for a weekend talkless of to shop. Oh and it's particularly funny when Jand peeps come to Yankee and they shop. You go the store and you see Oil of Olay bodywash for $7. The jand person will say 'Oh wow, that's just 3 pounds' or 'MAC foundation for $25'...'Oh wow, that's just 13 pounds'. Meanwhile we Yankee people go enter Jand, dey hold our moni tightly. We go enter store and see a nice pair of jeans for 30 pounds...'damn, that's $60' and quietly put it back. You go even sweat to buy a drink in the club after you don calculate the pound to dollar exchange rate. Funny stuvvs sha!

10. *EDIT* Ending emails with XX or XO and saying 'Hey babes' as opposed to 'Hey babe'. (Thanks Taynement ): This is word! Britigerians/Nigerians will always sign off on emails, FB messages, texts and the like with 'take care x!' or 'Talk to you later babes, xx'. Till today I still wonder where that XX and XOXO came from. Anyone care to edumacate me?
Where did 'Babes' come from? Although I must admit that me kwa, I have picked up on the 'Babes' thing as opposed to 'Babe'. Hehehehehe

P.S:- If the shoe fits, wear it and laugh. If it doesn't, hurrayyy!

P.P.S:- Yankeegerians are perfect. Don't hate... :-o