Kiss and Don't Tell

When a woman gets into sexual relations with a man. It can go a few ways:

A. It will remain strictly between you two (your best girlfriend doesn’t count, hehe) and the man will lock up your business and you will never hear pim from anybody about it.

B. The man might have the best intentions in keeping the relations discreet but somehow can’t resist telling his homeboy. Now depending on the type of homeboy, it might either stay there or spread far and wide.

C. The man have served in a town crier role in his previously life, and currently has a PhD in bitchassedness. As a result, the whole world will know that about what went down, and how it went down.

Two Scenarios recently come to mind that illustrate one or more of the type of guys highlighted above:

Scenario #1 – Maryjane and Tom
There is this babe that I know who is always carrying face anyhow. For purposes of this gist, let’s call her Maryjane. I don’t care much for Maryjane…and neither do a certain group of friends that I have. I mean, to be fair sha, she has no real offense besides the fact that she is always squeezing face but still…who she be sef?

So one day I was gathered among that group of friends and Maryjane randomly came up in the gist.  And the conversation kinda went like this…

Jerry (part of the group of friends): Forget that babe jare, always acting like she no dey see pesin. That’s how she smashed Tom but be boning face like she say she no sabi am.
Some of us: Wait…whaaaaat? How do you even know this?
Jerry: Yes na. Remember that baby shower that Mike hosted a few months ago? Apparently Maryjane ran into Tom there and acted like she didn’t know him and so in annoyance, he told us that he had smashed her in the backseat of his Honda a few years ago.
Mike: Yeah, he told us that day…boys were amazed mehn!
Some of us: [A mix of different reactions ranging from “Tom is such an agbaya” to “dayummm, Maryjane gets down like that??”]

My personal stance was that for one, Jerry was a fool for bringing it up. And Tom was definitely a bigger fool and major fuckboy for telling Jerry and the boys about relations that happened years ago. Ol’ boy is a married man with 2 kids so Maryjane’s matter should not even be on his radar. Shouldn’t he be facing his front and thinking about how to provide for his family rather than exhibiting major foolishness and “exposing” babes about relations that happened years ago, all because they see him and don’t greet him?

I mean, like I said ol’ girl’s main offense is that she too dey bone face. Did that warrant such exposure on her palzonal marras? Just like that, I an innocent bystander (along with a few others) knows what ol’ girl did in the backseat of a Honda about X years ago. I wither o.

Scenario #2 – Chris Brown, Rihanna, Drake and Kid Ink
In another scenario, I know this guy called Chris Brown. Once upon a time, Chris Brown was always parading one babe named Rihanna up and down the place. I mean he was with her at weddings, parties, babyshowers, get togethers…you name eeeeet! Then all of a sudden, we went from seeing Rihanna all over the place, to never seeing her again. Babe just faded like she was never there.
One day, among a gathering of a very small group of friends, I asked Chris Brown “Yo, whatever happened with you and Rihanna? Babe just dropped off” and he responded “I really liked Rihanna and thought she was awesome but I couldn’t get past the fact that she had smashed the boy Drake so I had to eventually drop her”.
Please note that Drake lives in North Dakota and is NOT even friends with Chris Brown. I mean, they know about each other but they aren’t boys by any stretch. So, what screwed things up for Rihanna, you may wonder?
Apparently, a few years ago, Drake came into town one weekend and was introduced to Rihanna by a mutual friend – Kid Ink. Somehow, Drake and Rihanna messed around, and apparently, Rihanna was so fire inna di bed that Drake was very impressed and went and gisted Kid Ink about every single detail of the hookup.
So, how did the gist reach Chris Brown na? Wellst Kid Ink and Chris Brown are best friends so umm yeah, that’s what happened.

Down the line, Rihanna crossed paths with Chris Brown and as a yeye man he remembered her gist and wanted to sample the goods and check out the hype for himself but he had absolutely no grand plans for her. So when she started asking questions about “where is this going?” “what are we?”, Chris Brown pulled the classic “it’s not you, it’s me” and dropped the poor girl. At least the boy Kid Ink had the nerve to admit his mistake in interrupting Rihanna’s potential destiny when he said … “I know I messed up. I told Chris Brown too much…”. Smh. All this could have been avoided if Drake had carried his excitement to fry yam as opposed to going to gist Kid Ink about the chillaligans.

So like I say to my ladies, the minute you decide to climb into bed with a man, it can go a variety of ways. Which is interesting, because I don’t think that women are into that kiss and tell life. Half the time, I think women are trying to code their business and won’t be out there saying “Yeah I climbed Johnson on the backseat of an Okada so how dare he see me and not say hi”. I wonder whether our coding is because we truly are discreet or because of the double-standard that goes with women and sexuality. Who knows.

And that is all she said.  

Rich or Poor, Swag or No Swag, a Jerk will Still be a Jerk

First of all, can I just say a very belated happy new year to you all? My happy New Year wishes on this blog are always quite belated…but you know my mentality of “better late than never” which definitely rings very true this month. January never even finish and I’ve heard of more than enough deaths and seen more RIPs that I’ve cared to see. We thank God for his mercies in keeping us thus far and I pray that we won’t have cause to mourn any of our loved ones this year, AMIN.
Now onto the gist of the day…

Recently I was having a conversation with 2 male coworkers about men and their levels of income, and what I was willing to accept based on such levels. They asked if I could date a man who I made more money than, and I said yes.  They then followed up with “would you date a man who made X dollars less than you?” And my response was No.
Nna ehn, you go fear vex. They started preaching to me about how superficial we women can be and blah blah and ended the tension-filled rant with “A lot of you women miss out on a good man who can treat you right because you are so focused on money and finances”.
Ultimately their rants fell on deaf ears for 2 reasons:
1.  I am far from materialistic.
2.  A woman is still allowed to have preferences yanno.
3.  I’m so over people tensioning said women about their preferences and then pulling out the  "a man who makes less money/doesn’t have swag/isn’t fine/[and all the other “disadvantages” that he may have] will treat you right so stop aiming high"

It’s like the formula for a good man these days is one who falls below a woman’s standards and expectations because “OMG, Swagger boys are trouble (which I admit most of them are but still…), Accomplished men are entitled azzholes, and a simple guy will treat you like a queen”. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is where I have to call BS on such tales by moonlight. What are we basing such cool tales on?
It has not gotten to the point where it is a sin for a woman with an MBA to say that she wants a man who also has an MBA because "gosh, relax your standards...besides men with MBA are jerks. Go for the LPN or CNA instead, he will love you well well", "or go for the man with an Associates degree, he will treat you better". Such yeye talk.

After talking to my family friend about a recent relationship that didn’t end too well for her, and how she heavily relaxed her standards for the guy who turned out to not even be worth the hassle at all, I said that I’ll be darned if going forward, I open my mouth and advise any woman to compromise on what she wants from a man. I might not find it to be reasonable but you know what, your life is yours to live and my 2 cents doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme. If any woman gets up today and says that she won’t marry until she can snag a Dangote, I won’t vex because what she chop no dey make my bele run. There is no guarantee that she will find happiness with broke Mufasat from the street so who am I to advise her to give up her dreams of snagging a Dangote type? In the end, even if she never finds what she wants and chooses to stay single because of that, that’s her own concern and nobody else’s. Folks might be sniggering behind such a woman’s back on some “that’s why she’s still single” but hey, she’s single and probably happier than settling for a man who didn’t meet up to her expectations and constantly having to compare him to other people’s richer husbands. Her choices are her choices.

Men can be the most superficial individuals but nobody tells them “Give up your dreams of catching a Beyonce, because a Beyonce will not treat you right but a Whoopi will”. Nope, never heard that before. So why do we preach to women to relax their standards on some phantom theory that the man that they relaxed their standards for will be the knight in shining armor? Idongerrit.
Sha sha like I said, I sure as heck won’t be the one to tell a woman that she can’t want what she wants. #Yesshecan2015!
 What’s that saying? Aim for the stars and you will get the moon or something like that…
 It’s not ontop singlehood that babes will just fall for any and everything on top of “he will treat you like a queen”. Cool stories that chill the bones.

Come to think of it, all the extra superficial, high-azzed requirements babes that I know actually ended up with their exact spec so who said that its not good to want the better things in life. And hey, even if their husbands might be jerks, like I’ve said and will say…isn’t it better to cry in a Maserati than cry inside Molue cos the way I see it is this…rich or poor, a jerk is still going to be a jerk so don’t be there heavily relaxing your standards for any bruv that aint cutting it for you.

*Steps off Soapbox*

Now before I peace out, I just want to quickly shamelessly plug my girl Taynement’s website over at www.taynement.com. It’s definitely my go-to for new shows to watch e.g. Jane the Virgin, The Affair, and it's gingered me to get back on old abandoned shows like Masters of Sex.
 She also features great episode recaps (Scandal, anyone??), movie reviews, and everything relevant that you need to know about pop culture. And since its award season, www.taynement.com is definitely the place to camp out since she usually posts predictions that are pretty darn accurate, as well as great red carpet features and commentary (Check her out on Twitter too: @taynementdotcom). So head on over, get your entertainment fix and thank me later!
Peace and Love brethren.

Is What He Sees Really What He's Gonna Get?

I have a friend who was practically harassed by an ex-boyfriend to confess her “number". She said that the harassment started when she started pulling some tricks inna di bedroom and the guy would be interviewing her and asking JAMB questions such as “where did you learn how to do that?” and eventually his judgmental attitude towards her bedmatics led to the end of their relationship. So as a once bitten, twice shy babe, she has sworn that in her next relationship, she is going to roll up to that bedroom forming the ultimate innocent “holy nweje” like she doesn’t know NADA.

I could definitely see where she was coming from on that p, as I’ve had/been privy to a couple of discussions where men casted pure judgment on women based on their behavior/personalities. Let me give some examples:

1. A male friend once told me that one of his friends passed up on marrying an otherwise great girlfriend because he was uncomfortable with the advanced levels and skills that she had in administering “bolaji” aka blowjob. This is a very true story.

2. I was having a convo with a friend about women going to strip clubs and how men view this. Ordinarily, I didn’t think that it should be an issue but like my friend pointed out, it could be one of those things were you go with your homeboys and they don’t care ‘cos they aren’t trying to make you the one. But let wife material enter the equation, and you will see how the story will drastically change. In fact as someone else so wisely pointed out, you might think that it’s nothing going to a strip club with your male friends, till one of their eligible bachelor friends who might have been winking at you visits from out of town and dem boyz casually mention that they went to the skrip club with you, and you will see how quickly that wink will disappear.

3. Even the most basic things like being the turn-up chick who knows how to knock back shots of patron/hennessy/ogogoro and is the life of the party is all well and good until men start looking for wife, and those same lively traits will collect a big red X as such tinz won’t a good wife, make.

Like I said… men are a very interesting set of individuals. You would think that it would be nothing but simple science for a man to be attracted to a woman who for the most part mirrors his interests and activities i.e. If he likes to enjoy the occasional night at the strip club, he would gravitate towards a woman who enjoys the same thing. But apparently not, as we can see that when it comes to some men and their mentality, what is good for the goose is not good for the gander and they will judge a woman who shares such proclivities.
Isn’t it pure hilarity when you meet some confirmed turn-up masters who spend practically every weekend in the club but will open their mouths to say that you can’t find wifey material in the club. So it’s husband material that is chilling there abi?
And I think that the most baffling statements are from those men who frown on certain sexual activities and claim that they would never engage in such with their wife and the mother of their kids as it would be demeaning to her. To which I always ask that if you aint gonna do that with your wife, then who exactly will you do it with kwanu? The convenient side chick abi? I'm getting you brothers.

The interesting thing about some of these men who pass up on a “lively” or even “worldy” woman for the demure wifey type is that down the line they start to complain. I know of 2 men that fall into this category. Totally by-passed women that would have gelled with their outgoing, turn-up nature and went for the quiet, wifey type (in their words). Now years down the line, these same men are complaining that their wives are boring, anti-social, not interesting and blahblah. I’m like abegi, save those #firstworldproblems for people who care. As you make your bed, so shall you lie in it so biko carry your sob story to the gods.

The way I really see it is that in this man’s world that we live in, there is absolutely no winning for us women. I’ve always been a firm believer in “be yourself” and “what he sees is what he should get” but please don’t take my advice sha as I can’t say that being myself has greatly helped me in the relationship department. I feel like the real winners out there are women who know how to (temporarily??) modify and conform to what they think that men want to see.
If he says that he doesn't like a turn-up babe, please don't listen to my opinionated (and quite single self) as I insist that you continue to go out and have fun, and please hang up your mini skirt + retire the Ruby woo (for now...*snicker*).
If he says he wants a quiet girl who won't stress his paroles while he camps out at the club every weekend, just get with the game and form "stressfree" and "go with the flow"...again, for now.
Infact, e get this girl wey I dey silently hail as someone who has the formula downpat. Her fiancée is the type who likes to go up and down turning up in everybody’s club, as in every weekend he dey mark register…and he loves the fact that she never stresses him or bugs him about how he doesn’t take her anywhere. But as I dey look the girl, I see a sharp babe that will give him some 180 degree character turn-about after marriage. When bobo gets up like “I’m going out with the boys”,she will flex muscle and say “Oh yeah? I’m coming along too”. And then he’ll be like “where is the woman I married?”…she probably was right there all along bruv.

A leopard can’t hide its spots forever so ultimately a woman’s true self will come out but shoutouts to women who have mastered the strategy of “I’m going to form A and then reveal B after I have guaranteed my spot in this situation”. I can’t even be upset at your deception because I do think that some men bring it upon themselves. I mean, in 2014 when some men will overlook a woman’s great traits such as her great personality, good looks, excellent credit, caring nature etc etc and dismiss all of that based on “She parties too much so I aint gonna wife that” or "she's way too advanced with her skills inna di bedroom", e reach to be coding some aspects of your personality until further notice. All is fair in this game of trying to get chose.

And that is all she said.

Peazeeeeee.

The Superficial Reasons Behind Why You Didn't Get Chose

Ya know sometimes when men reject us women, we go on a self-blaming spree…

“Oh, if only I knew how to swing off chandeliers”
“Oh, if only I could cook like Lohi O”
“Oh, if only had been more expressive and shown him how much I cared”
“Oh, if only I hadn't been as thirsty and made him wait a little”
"Oh, if only I was more of a wifey material"

Blahblahblahblahyadiyadiyadiya.
In our minds, if we had been a little more awesome or perfect and exhibited the traits of a true wife material, we would have gotten CHOSE.  But have we ever stopped to acknowledge our current and existing awesomeness and think that “Maybe it really wasn’t me. Maybe it was him”?

I’m not saying that we ladies should live in denial and not improve where we can but sometimes no matter how awesome you are, a man will still next you or not make it official with you because of his purely superficial reasons based on things that you might not be able to control. I've had pretty random convos with the guys in the past that opened my eyes to how superficial some men can be or how they have all these really nitpicky criteria that will get you a failing grade no matter how hard you try. For instance, some guy once told me that he nexted a girl in the past strictly because she had no nyash (booty). According to him, she was cute and really decent but he just couldn't get past the nyashless factor. I couldn't believe my ears, so I asked him “You mean to tell me that if you met a woman who had 9 out of 10 of the attributes that you look for in a woman but had no nyash, she’s dismissed” and he said yes. He then tried to explain that nyash is a pretty important factor for him in selecting a woman and that if he ends up with a woman with no nyash, he’s definitely going to cheat. He also said that he needed to feel proud of the woman that he had on his arm if he’s showcasing her in public and so her body had to be on point, nyash inclusive. I hit him with the O__O eyes and wished him good luck in his search. The sad thing is that this man will probably end up with some big booty dimepiece in the future because you know, men have the playing field with plenty options and can afford to be entirely foolish and get away with it. Such is life.

I’ve heard about other dismissal criteria that sounded really crazy to me, such as:
“She looked like she had the tendency to get fat after kids”
“She was too tall. I wouldn’t want to end up with a woman over 5’9”
“She wasn’t Nigerian so I knew that I was definitely not going to wife her” – This came from a man who dated said non Nigerian girl for 3 years. When I formed Voltron defender of the Universe and berated him for leading the poor girl on, he simply shrugged and said that bodi no be wood. He was keeping her around until he found something better.
“I wouldn’t marry a woman with darker skin tone than me”
"She had no swag or presence"
Etc etc.

Yep, I've listened to men tell me all of the above and more…and no matter how irritated I was by their reasoning, I knew that my vex couldn't boil indomie because like I said, it is a man’s world and no matter how foolish a man might be with his reasoning, there’s going to be at least 20 women out there that fit his specifications and criteria. He's going to dismiss your ass and move right onto the next chick who fits his criteria and you have no option but to deal with it. Tough world mayne!
Because women outnumber men and because we are generally more accommodating, we aren't as critical or picky. We might say that we want a tall, strong, dark and handsome swaggalicious fella with a great job and doing XYZ, but if we meet a man who doesn't fall into our ideal height or weight range but happens to check off most of our boxes, I bet we would be willing to compromise as opposed to an instant dismissal. Heck, a lot of women will even work with a guy if he only checks off 5 out of 10 things on her list. It’s a tough life that we live in this man’s world but it is what it is.

Oh, and you know one thing that I realized? Men will have all their high end criteria for what they want in a serious relationship or marriage but when it comes to just kicking it and sleeping with you, alllll of that relaxes. For instance, someone once told me that while he had slept with a lot of Igbo women and had no problem kicking it with them, he knew that he would never marry an Igbo woman for a bunch of reasons.

So there you have it. No matter what you did and didn't do, some men will dismiss you for things that are beyond your control such as your height, maybe your weight, the color of your skin, your nationality, origin, and tribe, age and what have you. This is honestly why I'm never mad too mad at a woman who is supposedly "picky" or a woman who does her own dismissing and the world is looking at her like she's crazy. Like "omg, he looks good on paper and he has a great job and blahblah. Maybe he will grow on you". Umm no. I'm like look, a man will NEXT you in a heartbeat if you're not his spec so please if he's not your spec, don't be shy to say bye bye too. Sometimes we females can be over-accommodating on some "let me go out on this 10th date with him and see". Date 10 kwa? Me thinks that if you haven't seen that sonthing by Date 4 then it probably isn't meant to be. Remember, most men won't even give you Date 2 sef. No be small thing my people.

The good news is that there are also a host of other fellas out there who don't buy into the ridiculous mentality of being extra-superficial and who will be more than accepting of you and everything that got you dismissed with the last guy. Until you find them in their hidden locations, what can I say? Continue to do you. Any man who dismisses you for his own superficial reasons doesn't deserve your time and energy in the first place.

And that is all she said.

On Lessons Learned, Being his Plan A, and Consolation Prizes

Lessons Learned

A couple of years ago, I experienced the closest thing to heartbreak when a guy who I really really liked did me some serious levels of “Negro you aint right!”...as in on some serious “see finish” levels. Prior to my experience with Mr. Heartbreak hotel, I had the bad habit of blaming myself or thinking that there was something wrong with me when interactions and dealings between me and various men didn't go as planned. But with this guy, one thing I knew for sure was that I was the best person that I could have been to him. I liked him a lot, and so I did the most for him because I truly wanted to do these things and in the end, he dropped me like a hot bag of charcoal for some chick that he ended up with.

The experience with this “heartbreak hotel” dude was a learning experience for me. For one, I learned that if I like a guy, I have no problem extending myself to do stuff for him. Not because, I’m campaigning to be considered as 50 yards of wife material, but because it’s something that I actually want to do. Secondly, I learned to stop blaming myself for anything. After being dropped like hot charcoal, I experienced and went through a variety of emotions but blaming myself was not one of the above. Matter of fact, it hit me like “wow, I was all that and a bag of chips, and he aint appreciate it?? You aint about that life bro!”. Thanks to that experience, I learned that I can be all that AND sometimes it's not me, its them.
Last but not least, I learned that as a woman, if you like swing over chandeliers and do gymnastics on the ceiling for a man, if he’s going to NEXT your azz, then he will do it. If you like cook him 3 course meals every day, make your mother’s secret recipe style of pepper soup for him when he’s sick in bed with the flu, if he no want you, then he no want you. If you like, “be there” for him when he needs to talk, rant, and get things off his shoulder, nothing for you if the guy no get plans for you. I put myself out there for Mr. Heartbreak Hotel but I found out that I was never in his original game plan, because he had another chick in mind all along as his plan A and I was just a “hold this one till I get the main one”  to him. Tough life.

Plan A vs.Plan B, C, D

This leads me to the next point. Per my theory, most men have their first draft picks (Plan A) and then plan B, C, D. A woman might put all her eggs in her plan A basket, but a man will have all his backup plans lined up. I once dated a guy who I can say was one of the best and most attentive/caring booskis that a girl could ask for. The only problem was that early on in our relationship, I discovered that I could never have held a torch to his plan A…a girl that he had loved for many many years. In fact, after I found out about her and quickly terminated the relationship, he told me that while he felt that we had potential, and I terminated things way too abruptly, he wanted to thank me for opening his eyes to the reality of the situation. Today, they are married and live in neverneverland. Like I said, I could never have held a torch to that woman. Or there was the confused one aka Mr. Confused who wanted to start something up with me and gave me this really cool tale about how he was done with some other chick… “she’s not wifey material. She’s too Americanized. She’s too this and that”. I mean, he always seemed quite obsessed with talking about this chick and her so-called faults sef so I wasn’t even taking his yarns seriously. Then 3 weeks later, he calls me up and tells me that he and ol’ girl had a talk and they are giving things another go. I said oh? Okay na. Fast forward 1.5 years later, they are also married in their own neverneverland. Potential plan B situation averted.

Let’s not talk about the various wedding websites that I’ve seen and I be reading the stories and mapping the timelines like ummm wasn’t this kneegro dating this other XYZ chick around this time frame? What can I say? Men definitely be keeping their options open.

Consolation Prizes
If I had a dollar for each time that a man offered me a “consolation prize”, I would be stacking paper. For instance, after I got over Mr. Heartbreak, we got to a point where we could relate on cordial terms, and one day he told me… “but you know you are a catch right?”…and mentally I was like Oh yeah? I am a catch, yet you dropped me real fast and was parading around town with the new girl within weeks? Boy bye!”. Or the time I was talking to Mr. Confused and he told me that if it hadn't been his wife, I would have been the one with the ring. LMAO. Am I here for these consolation prizes?
I have met quite a number of men who washed me and said “you are different”, “you are this” and “you are that” yet never stepped their game up with me AND then moved on to other women (and married them for the most part) so umm really, in the words of our dear ol’ Sweet Brown… “aint nobody got time for that!”. All these consolation prizes are just cheap words and don’t mean anything to me if I’m not a man’s plan A and number 1 choice. If I can quote one of my favorite songs from Marina and the Diamonds… “I’d rather walk alone than play a supporting role, if I can’t get a starring role”. All I’m saying is that I don’t need consolation prizes 'cos they don't mean anything to me and they don't validate my existence. Give me a starring role so that I know that it’s real.

In summary, when it comes to matters concerning the menfolk, I don’t even try to pretend to understand anything. Thanks to various experiences and the like, I've reached a point in my life where I take these matters at face value. Words are just words, nothing to get excited over. Actions are becoming cheap too. Heck, he might take me to the meet the parents and introduce me to his entire neighborhood, but to me, that don’t mean anything. Like my friend says…if we walk down the aisle, then I know that it’s live and direct. In the meantime, the numero uno lesson that I've learned when dealing with the menfolk is = be yourself. Sure, we are all imperfect beings and a work in progress, so work on whatever it is that you need to work on for YOUR own self-improvement, and not so that Chinedu will consider you to be wifey material. If doing XYZ is in your nature, then do XYZ…and if it aint, then don’t even try to fake it for anybody. 

And that is all she said.

The hot man theory and other randoms about menfolk

Much as I love to hate on fine men, I must confess that I sure as heck love to ogle them. Case in point, the other day, I was standing at the train station and minding my business when one fine ass man happened to stroll past me. If you see the way my neck turned at lightning speed? I definitely craned it well and proceeded to admire and drool over the man until he had faded out of sight. Hey! Who no like better thing? But as I gave it some more thought, I realized that while I like to stare at the fineness that is a well chiseled and wonderfully created man, in my heart of hearts (as we'd say back in the day)…I feel that such men who I consider to be on that 9-10/10 category of fineness are simply not on my level. As in, levels dey…and their levels are way above mine. I mean, let’s call a spade a spade here... I by no means consider myself to fall under the categories of ‘hot’, ‘sexy’, ‘gorgeous’, ‘stunning’ and whachumacallit. I’m not endowed with big boobs (if y’all remember, I rep the itty bitty titty committee), and I don't have an exceptional looking butt either. I think that I’m definitely not a bad chick to look at if you're down with the 'girl next door' kinda cuteness. However with such hot men who are probably used to millions of females chasing them, I highly doubt that they are looking for girl next door kinda cuteness when they can have the dime pieces and premium arm candy to flex with. I ain't even mad at that! The way I see things, hot people want to hang out with their fellow hot people, and so I will gladly ogle and stare at the hotties but I by no means think that they are checking for me/have me in their radar. I was telling a friend about it, and she asked me… ‘So, if such a man approached you, would you feel like you are unworthy of his attention?’ and I said umm..unworthy is a stretch, but heyy I would definitely be taken back like ehnn? Lil ol’ me?? :-D... Abi na? I'm sure someone will say 'it's your personality that counts' which I think is tales by moonlight because I'm a strong believer in the theory that men are very much driven by looks.

Meanwoos, according to some male friends of mine who always feel like they are dropping 'knowledge'…if you’re a woman and you want to increase your chances of meeting menfolk at events, wear attire that showcases your figure eight i.e. boobage and ASSets…preferably something in the short and tight category. According to them, men are very visual creatures (no kidding, Captain Planet) and right off the bat none of them know that you have an awesome personality so they are working with the visual image that you present. Hey, I can’t even disagree with them. Much as I’m very anti the short + tight combination (as in, it should be either or and not both), I gotta say that me thinks that the typical woman who gets noticed at most events is decked in a short + tight dress. In response to my friends, I said that I guess that’s why I haven’t been meeting a lot of bobos lately and that I’ll just have to focus on saving up for an Eharmony or Match.com subscription, where I can showcase my ‘charming smile’ and hope that my ‘winning personality’ comes through in the words that I type on my profile…

Till tomorrow I will always wonder why men will date a girl for 5 years, break up with her on some bogus reason and then quickly move on to marry another woman within 1 year. Lately, as I attend more weddings and look at the smiling couples, I can't help but wonder which woman is out there on planet Earth crying her eyes out because the 'love of her life' is getting married.

I keep saying this and I will continue to say this...men will make the loudest noise on social networking sites *ahem*...Twitter about how they want an X kinda woman, or a woman that possesses Y traits but when it all boils down to it...if a man really likes you and really wants to be with you, then all that shit goes flying out of the window. And I've observed quite a few examples to support my theory...

Last but not least, why do men love them some crazy women? Maaan sometimes you be hearing some kain kain stories and it's like how on earth would anyone want to be with this woman, yet the man will close eye and stay. My friend was telling me some off the wall story the other day about this one couple (ultimately the woman did the dude dirty and bounced), and was now yarning about how chick was so crazy and the dude was so heartbroken and torn about the situation. I burst out laughing! Upon the one wey she do before, bobo no see warning signs and step...now he wan form heartbroken. Abegi! I'm convinced that men just love them some drama and apparently being a nice and quiet girl isn't #winning. I asked this Q on Twitter the other day, and the responses that I got for why men like crazy women was "the crazy sex". Umm okay na.

Aniwoos let me quit while I'm ahead, because if I siddon tok this man matter na to dey here all night be that.

PS:- Jeez, I can't believe I haven't posted since January. Blame that ridiculous distraction named Twitter. But, I'm alive! Thanks for checking on me... *cheeses*

We go relate.

On match making + I’m not anti-Igbo men

I was just reading SoulBoutique’s blog, where she spoke on how she has a nice male friend whom she would love to hook up with a nice young lady but she can’t think of anyone outside of her circle of already taken close friends.
This is the complete opposite for moi. I know a bunch of beautiful, GOOD, accomplished women whom I would love to hook up with nice young men…the only problem is that I do not know any nice young men who aren’t already taken. Truth be told, I don’t have a bunch of male friends who I’m extra buddy buddy with. The 1 or 2 that I’m really tight with are taken and everyone else is on a ‘give a hug and chitchat with at social events’ basis, I can’t vouch for those ones ‘cos I know absolutely nada about their personalities.
Seriously though, the general consensus amongst the ladies is that finding a good and correct man is not a beans in this day and age. And so I think that the process of matching making people would kinda sorta speed things up. You can create an awareness of someone whom guy X might ordinarily see and say ‘nahhh, not my type’ or girl A would see and say ‘nahhh, he’s too short’. I mean, check am now…when you go to guy X who might normally prefer a ‘thick, fine chick whose body set well well’ and you say ‘Oh boy, I don find ya future wifey o’ and proceed to list all the wonderful things about her, his interest will probably be perked. Then of course, he will say ‘Oya log onto FB make I see pic’ which he might see and still not be completely sold, but with your conniving salesgirl ways you fit pass her digits on and tell him ‘it won’t hurt to try and worst case scenario, y’all will just be cool friends’…guy takes the digits, gives girl a holla that eve and it could either be:

a. A 5 hour phone convo into the wee hours of the morning that will leave them both yawning at work the next day but still looking forward to round 2
b. A briefer version of the convo but with interest still sparked
c. Nyeeehhh but thanks Mgbeks for your efforts.

Life aint a fairy tale but it still won’t hurt to try. *Sigh*…unfortunately, I can’t even test my excellent sales skills since I no sabi dudes. But ladies and gents, think about it sha. Take a mental inventory of your correct and available friends and think about who you can hook ‘em up with. Love makes the world go around and who knows, you just might be featured on someone’s wedding website as the commander in chief who made the union possible. :-D

Back to SoulBoutique sha…
Apparently, the man who she wants to hook up lives in MD and so I asked the next important Q: Is he Urhobo?
Lately I have declared this sudden love for Urhobo men. I know a couple of them, all very nice gentlemen...correct men + they can all COOK. Ah ah, their mamas raised them well o. I no sabi the kain Jazz but Urhobo men have officially bumped Yoruba men out of the running for my numero uno draft pick. Tunde's and Jide's...y'all better come back and work at reclaiming your spot. :-D
And the rest of you may now redirect all your Urhobo friends, brothers and cousins to this blog *waves and blows kisses*…thank you very much. Hahahahaha.
But no be just specifically Urhobo o, in general I just like Edo and Delta men. It's just a strange thing, I hear that the man is from those parts and he automatically scores some mental cool points. And recently, after hearing all the rave reviews about Calabar men, I have decided that I would like to *ahem* sample those goodies as well. Hahahaha, I crack myself up. :-D

On a more serious note sha, I’m very equal opportunity. In fact, so equal opportunity that some people seem to think that I have no love for the Igbo brothers and I wonder why ooo. Maybe it's because all my #1 draft pick tribe preferences have never been Igbo, 'cos other than that I no sabi what else I might have done/said to give off that impression. To my knowledge, I have never specifically said ‘If his name is Ikenna, then NEXT’.
I mean, I will admit that I have some of my issues and notions about the ways of Igbo men and…In fact let’s just scratch that, I was gonna say more but I don’t want to open up a can of worms and have people start to vex and call me a ‘self hating’ Igbo woman who can’t appreciate her own people so make we just leave tori for tortoise. But on the real, I am not anti- Igbo men…that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. :- )

See? 2 updates in less than X days…tomorrow now Nicey m will accuse me of abandoning her.

Edit:- Bia o, Controversy...why you kon restrict ya blog nau?

What are you looking for in a man?

The oh so popular question that has had its answers changed and modified over the years.

When we were 16 and just fresh to the dating scene (Well, I was a late bloomer o jare)…this is how we answered it:

*Racks brain*. Actually, I never got asked that kain yeye question when I was 16 jo.

When we were 18 and feeling like big chicks, thinking that nobody could tell us nothing… this is how we answered it:

He must be tall. He must be fit and muscular like Boris Kodjoe. He must be at least 6’2. He must be fine. He must drive a BMW or Mercedes benz. He must be a doctor, lawyer or engineer.

When we hit 21 and felt like we don legal finish, feeling like babes wey don ‘arrive’…this is how we answered it:
*Insert all the answers from 18*, plus he must be older than me. He must make more money than me. He must have at least an 8 or 9 inch stuvvings that will give me multiple O’s every day.

When we hit 25/26, still feeling like big chicks but also realizing that some of our mates don start to dey marry/boo’ed up…this is how we answered it:

He must at least be my height, he must be comfortable in life i.e finances and career wise, if I make more that he does it’s cool...this is 2008 and as an Independent woman, ‘I got it, I got my own’ (according to NEYO). He must have a good and reliable car; it don’t have to be a luxury ride as long as it gets us around. He doesn’t have to be fit like Boris..I mean it’d be a plus but if he’s fat like Yokozuna I can always buy him a gym membership for Christmas. 8 inch stuvvings are overrated anyway as long as he knows what to do in bed, besides it’s not about the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean or whatever the fudge they say.

And then we hit 30, cat damn! Our mates were all married and bouncing bomboy on their lap, doing matching aso ebi with their husbands in church…this is how we answered it:

Is he a man? Sign me up!!!
:-D

Tell me ladies, what are YOU looking for in a man?

Happy Holidays honey bunches.

PS:- I'm getting mad mixed reviews on this template of mine. What's not to like?