The bride price formula...

This past weekend I: Sat on my bed and finished a mini tub of Edy's Drumstick Icecream...all 1000+ calories of it, watched 3 movies- I love you man, Obsessed (TOTAL waste of my brain cells) & Confessions of a Shopaholic, Hit up Barnes & Noble for some material, went shopping for household goods and watched the VMAs yesternite while I stalked all the FB statuses about Kanye's foolish behavior and Lady Gaga's madness. That woman needs Jesus but I absolutely love it! Lmao
How was your weekend?

PS:- I STILL need a personal masseuse on call 24/7.
PPS:- I have found a new blog boo...David someboribobo (That is how I read his name and I kid you not), the man can bake meatpie. Need I say more? (He doesn't know that he's taken yet, but he is...all husband snatchers should instantly take note and back off)

Speaking of which...A man who knows how to cook = An asset. I gosta teach my sons how to cook o...I will insist that they come into the kitchen and watch me throw down so that when they grow up women will not be making shakara for them + for each dish that they can make, the amount of brideprice that they will pay will decrease. Abi now... :-D
Oh y'all aint know that I have my brideprice formula? Aight...let me edumacate somebody up in this piece.

Mgbeke's Official Brideprice Calculator:

• The woman sabi cook (Let's add $5,000)
• If she sabi cook more complex dishes that transcend beyond the typical Egusi, Jollof Rice...i.e Isi ewu aka Goat head, Ugba aka African salad, Ofe Owerri and even international dishes for some diversity (We go add an additional $5,000)
• Can she bake? (Extra $5,000)
  
• Does she have a Bachelors degree? ($5,000)
• What kind of degree did she get? If it's something random like Early Childhood education (We no go add moni...abeg my ECE majors no stone me abeg :-D), Anything in the business field ($5,000...make it $10,000 for Accounting and Finance...LOL), Engineering, Computer Science and 'em techie stuvvs ($15,000)
  
• Does she have a Masters degree? Double the amount for all the categories...if na Law school we go triple am and if na Med school, we will triple am + 1 Hummer and 1 Ferrari each for both parents. Is it a beans to go to Med school?
  
• How exposed/well traveled is she? If her idea of taking an annual vacation is going to the Nigerian Reunion on a yearly basis...we no go add moni. If she has been to a variety of places/been exposed to a bunch of cultures...we go add an additional $3,000
• For every additional language that she can speak apart from English, we go add $2,000 each...after all even in the Corporate world, it is an asset for one to be bi-lingual. PS:- For such purposes, Pidgin = A Language. Lmao!

All this moni na on top of the regular amount of brideprice wey man go pay because hin see one fine correct babe wey hin wan marry. After all, we don conclude say e no easy to pluck a flawa from one's garden...abi I lie?

Now, for my dudes...make una heart no beat too fast as una don analyze this my list. I trust say some of una don observe this list, plan on how you go waka home and break up with your long term girlfriend of 4 years as per you no wan collect cardiac arrest on top of paying bride price. Abeg o, chill first...I no send una. When dem send Shekpe on top ya head, you go tok say na Mgbeke cause am.
Calm your beating hearts down 'cos I gotchu! The bride price wey una fit pay go reduce if and only if:

• Can you cook? If so, we go reduce the woman's bride price by $2,000. So in the end na $3,000 wey you fit pay. You still gosta pay moni because odds are that the woman will take up majority of the cooking in the marriage so you gosta pay moni for that sweat wey she go sweat on top the hot stove.
  
• Can you cook the complex dishes mentioned above? If so, we go reduce the bride price by $1,000.
• Do you have a Bachelor's degree? *Ahem*...we shall only reduce the B.P if you majored in the sciences/techie/some areas of business so abeg if na Psychology, the above mentioned Early Childhood education, Social work and such fields...in fact we go even add an additional $5,000 on top the Bride price wey you go pay because it is absolutely NOT manly for you to go to school and not major in Medicine, Law, Engineering, Accounting or Computer Science. LMAO. *Tongue in cheek*
• Masters/Advanced degree? We go reduce am too and if you go Med school/Law school and are guaranteed a starting salary of at least $200,000/year (after residency and such things), then we go cancel out the entire bride price wey you suppose pay sef and na we wey go come pack dowry on top your head...after all as women, we are encouraged to chase down the dokitas so that we can live in a nice big house with a white fence, send our kids to private schools only and drive the 2020 Mercedez Benz wey you go park for garage. *Winks*
• Are you well traveled and bi-lingual? We go negotiate with the village heads and come to a decision on how much we wan reduce the bride price we you go pay.

Hehehehe, so you see my dudes. I got covered y'all too didn't I?
So *ahem*...it's not too late guys...go and learn how to cook. And if you are in any kind of Major where every Christmas, you visit Nigeria and someone asks you 'Chinedu what are you studying' and you have to engage in a 10 minute conversation in an attempt to explain what the heck you are studying then I suggest that you drop out of school and re-enroll with a career path in Medicine...(it might cost you $1M in student loans, but you will save a substantial amount of money on the bride price..LMAO), plus...when you go to Nigeria and they ask you 'Chinedu, what are you studying?'...you can proudly puff out your chest and simply answer 'Medicine' while you watch for the appreciative glint that will suddenly appear in the asker's eyes.

Thank me later.

The end.