Friday, October 31, 2014

Is What He Sees Really What He's Gonna Get?

I have a friend who was practically harassed by an ex-boyfriend to confess her “number". She said that the harassment started when she started pulling some tricks inna di bedroom and the guy would be interviewing her and asking JAMB questions such as “where did you learn how to do that?” and eventually his judgmental attitude towards her bedmatics led to the end of their relationship. So as a once bitten, twice shy babe, she has sworn that in her next relationship, she is going to roll up to that bedroom forming the ultimate innocent “holy nweje” like she doesn’t know NADA.

I could definitely see where she was coming from on that p, as I’ve had/been privy to a couple of discussions where men casted pure judgment on women based on their behavior/personalities. Let me give some examples:

1. A male friend once told me that one of his friends passed up on marrying an otherwise great girlfriend because he was uncomfortable with the advanced levels and skills that she had in administering “bolaji” aka blowjob. This is a very true story.

2. I was having a convo with a friend about women going to strip clubs and how men view this. Ordinarily, I didn’t think that it should be an issue but like my friend pointed out, it could be one of those things were you go with your homeboys and they don’t care ‘cos they aren’t trying to make you the one. But let wife material enter the equation, and you will see how the story will drastically change. In fact as someone else so wisely pointed out, you might think that it’s nothing going to a strip club with your male friends, till one of their eligible bachelor friends who might have been winking at you visits from out of town and dem boyz casually mention that they went to the skrip club with you, and you will see how quickly that wink will disappear.
3. Even the most basic things like being the turn-up chick who knows how to knock back shots of patron/hennessy/ogogoro and is the life of the party is all well and good until men start looking for wife, and those same lively traits will collect a big red X as such tinz won’t a good wife, make.

Like I said… men are a very interesting set of individuals. You would think that it would be nothing but simple science for a man to be attracted to a woman who for the most part mirrors his interests and activities i.e. If he likes to enjoy the occasional night at the strip club, he would gravitate towards a woman who enjoys the same thing. But apparently not, as we can see that when it comes to some men and their mentality, what is good for the goose is not good for the gander and they will judge a woman who shares such proclivities.
Isn’t it pure hilarity when you meet some confirmed turn-up masters who spend practically every weekend in the club but will open their mouths to say that you can’t find wifey material in the club. So it’s husband material that is chilling there abi?
And I think that the most baffling statements are from those men who frown on certain sexual activities and claim that they would never engage in such with their wife and the mother of their kids as it would be demeaning to her. To which I always ask that if you aint gonna do that with your wife, then who exactly will you do it with kwanu? The convenient side chick abi? I'm getting you brothers.
The interesting thing about some of these men who pass up on a “lively” or even “worldy” woman for the demure wifey type is that down the line they start to complain. I know of 2 men that fall into this category. Totally by-passed women that would have gelled with their outgoing, turn-up nature and went for the quiet, wifey type (in their words). Now years down the line, these same men are complaining that their wives are boring, anti-social, not interesting and blahblah. I’m like abegi, save those #firstworldproblems for people who care. As you make your bed, so shall you lie in it so biko carry your sob story to the gods.
The way I really see it is that in this man’s world that we live in, there is absolutely no winning for us women. I’ve always been a firm believer in “be yourself” and “what he sees is what he should get” but please don’t take my advice sha as I can’t say that being myself has greatly helped me in the relationship department. I feel like the real winners out there are women who know how to (temporarily??) modify and conform to what they think that men want to see.
If he says that he doesn't like a turn-up babe, please don't listen to my opinionated (and quite single self) as I insist that you continue to go out and have fun, and please hang up your mini skirt + retire the Ruby woo (for now...*snicker*).
If he says he wants a quiet girl who won't stress his paroles while he camps out at the club every weekend, just get with the game and form "stressfree" and "go with the flow"...again, for now.
Infact, e get this girl wey I dey silently hail as someone who has the formula downpat. Her fiancée is the type who likes to go up and down turning up in everybody’s club, as in every weekend he dey mark register…and he loves the fact that she never stresses him or bugs him about how he doesn’t take her anywhere. But as I dey look the girl, I see a sharp babe that will give him some 180 degree character turn-about after marriage. When bobo gets up like “I’m going out with the boys”,she will flex muscle and say “Oh yeah? I’m coming along too”. And then he’ll be like “where is the woman I married?”…she probably was right there all along bruv.

A leopard can’t hide its spots forever so ultimately a woman’s true self will come out but shoutouts to women who have mastered the strategy of “I’m going to form A and then reveal B after I have guaranteed my spot in this situation”. I can’t even be upset at your deception because I do think that some men bring it upon themselves. I mean, in 2014 when some men will overlook a woman’s great traits such as her great personality, good looks, excellent credit, caring nature etc etc and dismiss all of that based on “She parties too much so I aint gonna wife that” or "she's way too advanced with her skills inna di bedroom", e reach to be coding some aspects of your personality until further notice. All is fair in this game of trying to get chose.
And that is all she said.


Anonymous said...

Luv your posts always so real. Honestly..ain't got time to be strategizing to get man abeg. What you see is what you get.

TheRustGeek said...

One would think those 'skills' would command a premium in the market place....

HoneyDame said...

Amen amen amen!!!! U aint ever lied!!!

Anonymous said...

True story... an old friend called me one day VERY VERY DISTRESSED about his new girlfriend. I asked what the matter was, and he said he just couldn't get the thought out of his head, that she had had sex with one other person before him.

"Erm, dude. In the few years I've known you, you've slept with more women than I can even remember!!!! Get the heck off my phone!"

taynement said...

They say all things being equal, being yourself brings you the right person but sometimes I think being yourself can be a deterrent especially to Nigerian men.

LadyNgo said...

I wish i knew how to fake it til i make it lol.

Toinlicious said...

True story o. Guys are the funniest beings oloun

CherryWine said...

This right here is the gospel truth. Chris Rock has asked men to never ask that question about a woman's number because whatever the answer is (apart from zero) is one too many for them. These judgy assholes kill me with this BS. A walking syphillis poster-child too will be looking for stay at home, take home to mama virgin. Hian! I don't blame them sha. We women have never held them to a higher standard than "just wife me". They have chosen, right or wrong, to set standards, but a lot of women do not have any. C'est la vie.

mizchif said...

Lai lai, the world is not just set up for us to win, unfortunately.
It must be very confusing for the women who allow these things to bother them, and i support doing what u need to do to get the ring. Unfortunately i don't even know how to pretend small so i'm clearly in trouble.

Enkay said...

It's these double standards get guys into trouble eventually. Sooner than later, they'll meet that girl who will match them standard for standard (double or not).

Met one of them during NYSC and he thought he was making me a good offer when he asked me to marry him, so I could take care of his kids...his kids needed a good Christian Woman to raise them right...yeah right! This guy was a 'rich runs guy' with all sorts of girls at his beck and call. Did I look that gullible, I wonder?

Meanwhile lady, how have you been?
I 'strolled' by blogville early this week and you're the 2nd blog that's been updated recently! Most of the others - like me- just closed shop sha.

Well done girl!

Anonymous said...

Nice Anon: I think we should all give these Nigerian men a break. Their wahala don too much me thinks. I don dey chook eye these days on top white people matter. If I don't speak Igbo with my husband, Jesus won't announce his second coming with immediate effect! Na that gotta be Nigerian wey dey hinder us plenty. These days gotta try out other people who are not Africans.

Danceslave said...

lol. Smh it seems a shame that folks play these games and miss out on possible treasures in partnerships, but everyone can decide what they want I guess. Like who doesn't want good head and a woman that can hang with their fun life. People just care so much about what other people think about their lives, instead of what they really enjoy.