What are you looking for in a man?

The oh so popular question that has had its answers changed and modified over the years.

When we were 16 and just fresh to the dating scene (Well, I was a late bloomer o jare)…this is how we answered it:

*Racks brain*. Actually, I never got asked that kain yeye question when I was 16 jo.

When we were 18 and feeling like big chicks, thinking that nobody could tell us nothing… this is how we answered it:

He must be tall. He must be fit and muscular like Boris Kodjoe. He must be at least 6’2. He must be fine. He must drive a BMW or Mercedes benz. He must be a doctor, lawyer or engineer.

When we hit 21 and felt like we don legal finish, feeling like babes wey don ‘arrive’…this is how we answered it:
*Insert all the answers from 18*, plus he must be older than me. He must make more money than me. He must have at least an 8 or 9 inch stuvvings that will give me multiple O’s every day.

When we hit 25/26, still feeling like big chicks but also realizing that some of our mates don start to dey marry/boo’ed up…this is how we answered it:

He must at least be my height, he must be comfortable in life i.e finances and career wise, if I make more that he does it’s cool...this is 2008 and as an Independent woman, ‘I got it, I got my own’ (according to NEYO). He must have a good and reliable car; it don’t have to be a luxury ride as long as it gets us around. He doesn’t have to be fit like Boris..I mean it’d be a plus but if he’s fat like Yokozuna I can always buy him a gym membership for Christmas. 8 inch stuvvings are overrated anyway as long as he knows what to do in bed, besides it’s not about the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean or whatever the fudge they say.

And then we hit 30, cat damn! Our mates were all married and bouncing bomboy on their lap, doing matching aso ebi with their husbands in church…this is how we answered it:

Is he a man? Sign me up!!!
:-D

Tell me ladies, what are YOU looking for in a man?

Happy Holidays honey bunches.

PS:- I'm getting mad mixed reviews on this template of mine. What's not to like?

Tuesdays Randoms

I have so many thoughts swirling in my head, so this might be a long one or a short one. We'll see how it goes.

Someone sent me one of those feel good email forwards. You know the ones that you read and then you vow to be a better person after reading it for like the first 5 minutes till someone pisses you off and it's back to square one? Aniwoos...one of the things highlighted in the forward was:-

'Love deeply and passionately! You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely'

Ummm...I beg to differ. (My opinion abeg). I say love well o, but shine your eye as your dey love 'cos man, these men ehnnnn. If you no shine eye, na hot hot pepper wey dem go show you!
The kain love sef, love is a damn risk. But we go yarn that one another time..

Ha! Pesin fit read this now and think that I be man hater. I stay getting accused of being a man hater. I am SO not a man hater, I'm just a very realistic woman...there is a difference o, don't get it twisted.
Nonsense and Jagjagbantis!

I pray that in the '09, Individuals will let go of the shades in the club chit. But as we all know, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.
PS:- What the hell does that mean sef?

I think that my unmotivation to do a lick of work is going to last through this holiday season. Odikwa risky o!

I think that one of my concerns about potentially never getting married (I can just hear my Pizzle saying 'God forbid' on my behalf) is...how am I going to get some on a constant basis? It's cool to have a 'friend' in your 20's but how can a respectable Naija woman in her 40's still be doing 'A friend of mine' steez. What will my kiddies think? Oh..'cos married or not, I'm still finna have my kiddies o; mine or adopted.
Misplaced priorities right? I should be worried about how I won't have anyone to match aso ebi with at weddings/church. Hmmmph!

I need a personal masseuse on call 24/7.

I wonder how many married couples actually get to have sex on their wedding night. I'm guessing umm 10%. Ok let me change that to Naija married couples...'cos aint no way anyone is going to be doing nada after doing reception till 2 a.m. Hmmm, hmmm...

Would I ever give up shopping for lent or an extended period? That would be a real test! See? I don't even consider myself a shopaholic in the true sense of the word. I hardly ever hit up the malls to even begin with, and I can't say that I make purchases every week. Still, my closet of 1 million shoes, clothes and accessories will tell a different story.
Ah well, ah well...

In 2009, I vow to go more places (I didn't do too terribly this year, actually). I still wanna go to Jamaica. I wanna visit my sisi in Jand, how do I call myself a bubbler and I've never been to Miami, Orlando or Vegas? I shouldn't be saying that chit in public.

Up till sometimes this year, I had always assumed and taken it for granted that everyone had been on a plane at least once in their lifetime, till I ran into a whole lot of folk who said they hadn't never flown. Infact, one of my co-workers said that the farthest she's ever been in this life is NY. Very interesting...

NY, NY. Still a groupie, will probably always be a groupie. Earlier this year, I was actively pursuing plans to move to the NYC. My friends shuddered like 'Ugh, that dirty, crowded city'. Worefa! I'm a city girl...(for now). I love to be where the action is o jare.
Oddly enough, everytime I visit the state of Texas; specifically Houston and Dallas, I always feel like I need to live there as well. But they don't got no H&M in TX tho....hmmmph!

All I want for Christmas is: Peace, love, happiness, friendship, a black Acura TL with tints and nice wheels...throw a 'Sat nav' (per ndi London) into the mix, An Urban outfitters giftcard, A new digicam (I promise to actually start taking my own pics), an Ipod dock to bump my jams...and errrm. That's it. See, I don't ask for much. :-D

Oh, and someone who will be willing to be my personal masseuse 24/7...my back is killing me here.

That's all folks. Till the next round of thoughts emerge...

Happy Holidays! Make una remain small Nkwobi and Odeku for me o...!

Facebook Sins

This post is inspired by a previous discussion on FaceBook annoyances...

Identify your sin as I list them, pray for forgiveness and promise not to do that chit again!!!

FB Sin #1:- Those damn status updates
A lot of you are guilty of this one. I do not need to know that you just took a dump, or that you just had a great and marvelous orgasm but thanks to FB, I be assailed with this foolishness. 'Abiola just took a great big shit', 5 mins later..'Abiola is wiping her ass'. Like really?
Stop the madness peoples.
I must confess that I stay hating on people who constantly update us with their travel tales. 'Chinemerem is in Jamaica', 'Chinemerem is on her way to China'. If you aint bringing me no gifts from your little vacay then I don't want to know, world traveler!!!

FB Sin #2:- 'Photo albums'
I put Photo albums in quotes because you really can not create some album with 5 pictures and call it a cat damn photo album. Put that chit in your profile pics or something, or better yet wait till you compile about 15 more pictures then you may now create a real photo album. Imagine
me happily balancing to view pics only to cut short at pic #5...? I'm just saying...

FB sin #3:- Burning my cable
Ladies, Ladies, Ladies. Y'all need to STOP burning my cable on FB. Do you not be reading wedding websites when awon boys dey yarn say dem meet wifey on top facebook? It is not a game o. I can not take a picture with some random dude without some oversabis coming to comment with an 'Awwwwwwwwwww'. Chei! Na in bobos go see this 'awwwwwww' and now think that me and ole boy in the pic are an item, not knowing that ole boy got his wifey at home and I'm just borrowposing. If bobo had been scoping me, this 'awwwwww' will not make him take 2 steps back and my love story in the making will be wrap! Abeg o, I carry God bed una...stop burning my cable.

FB sin #4:- Uploading pictures senselessly.
What is up with folk who do this? Just be uploading pictures without even looking through them all for the sake of having 1 million albums on facebook. And of course the scapegoats like me have to suffer for this. It was cool that you took the pic of me nodding off and drooling or the one where I woke up and I had the dried crust on my mouth but do you really have to put that chit on FB just for the sake of having an album up AND have the nerve to tag me? Take your time o! A word is enough for the wise.

FB sin #5:- Those damn applications.
Why do you have all the cat damn application on your page? Don't you know that that chit is unneccessary and just plain foolish? Be there acting like one Johhny just come wey never see internet before. Oh and you really really need to stop inviting me to add the applications too. What the hell is a Vampire application? Or which Harry Potter broom are you? Y'all need to stop!

FB sin #6:- Those damn events in Mississipi
...or Cancun, or Lagos or wherever. I understand that promoters are lazy and they just wanna invite everyone on thier lists but seriously? I look like I live in Mississipi?? Stop that chit, it annoys me. And you decline the yeye event, yet somehow these folk stay blowing up your inbox on some countdown chit...talking about '5 more days till the biggest event of the year'. Lawdy Lawd...make it Stop!

FB sin #7:- Those stupid names.
You know the names... Abiola 'Letmeupgradeyoubaby' Oyegbami or Chinemerem 'Nooneonthecornergotswaggerlikemine' Okoro. I mean...seriously?!?!?!?!

FB sin #8:- Individuals with zero social skills.
...or maybe I'm just extra polite, but if I add you to my friends list, especially if I haven't seen you in a long long while, I always make it a point to say something like 'Hi, hello'. Shoot, you will add me and I will still say hi, hello but no o...Individuals with zero social skills no fit even reply the hi, hello. And you know they be on FB cos they be writing on erryone's walls/commenting on erry pic. So you add me to your list ni? Oohhhh I get it, you just want to look at my pics yeah? Oya now, I get your drift, no shakings...

FB sin #9:- Writing all kinds of foolishness of my wall.
C'mon folk! It's a wall for crying out loud, how you gon' come up in there with all this public information? What happened to my message inbox for privacy's sake? Some people really lack the desired number of brain cells. I'm just saying...

FB sin #10:- You no tact having negros/negras.
Uh uh, you sabi una selves o. Always commenting on people's pictures on some 'you added weight o, what happened, you used to be fine'. Infact recently, I read a comment where someone had said 'You need to stop eating those hamburgers' and I really was like WTF. Infact I am the self appointed, voltron and defender of the people who are subject to these comments so If i catch any of y'all na to put you on blast. Uh uh!

And while we are on the topic of Facebook, may I add that it absolutely amuses me how people wan do love in tokyo on top facebook on some Chimamanda is in a relationship with John, complete with pictures, wall to wall sex and what not. Check back 2 weeks later and tori don change...Hahahahahahah! Ok, let me stop before someone accuses me of being a jealous hater. :-D

Have a good week darlings.

The different perspectives on Wedding websites.

Chai! How can I explain the fact that I went for an entire month without blogging? It's not like I've been busy or like I no get internet. Na just LAZINESS.But the good book tells us to forgive and forget so forgive me. :D

Now on to the topic at hand....
Wedding websites! You knowarramean!!! They are the new rage, they are everywhere, we all stalk Omosewa's blog to get our weekly fix (The yeye girl no too dey on par with the updates sef...hisss!), we all wanna read the 'how we met' stories and look at the pics of the couple. Sometimes the proposal stories have us wondering why we never ran into such a dude in our life time i.e. proposing with a brand new car, flying her to Dubai and Bahamas, all that intricate and romantic stuff. Those kind of proposals have us thinking that if it was formerly acceptable for bobos to take us to PF Changs and do a simple proposal, these genge proposals finna have us wanting the bobos wey go even carry us to Naija, South Africa and Rome all in one weekend sef...hehehehe.Yup, yup...wedding websites are the thing right now and you know you love it!
But one day after running into a friend's ex-boyfriend's wedding website, I had to stop and think. The fact be say, this world na very small place and now it's no longer a case of you randomly stumbled across some random couple's site. These days you be randomly stumbling across the wedding website of someone you know.
Hence my inspiration for this post; The different perspectives on wedding websites. Oya grab ya nkwobi and odeku while you try and figure out which category you fall into.

Category 1:- The Innocent onlooker: Most of us fall into this category. You randomly came across the site; you've never even coughed within 20 miles of the couple. You read their story, ooohed and ahhed over their romantic tale and forwarded the site to your friends.

Category 2:- The Shakara woman: Oh yes! You know yourself! The bobo toasted you die but you made shakara. He blew up your phone, tried to wine and dine you but no o! ‘He’s too short’, ‘He’s too fat’, ‘He doesn’t drive a BMW’. You nexted him for those reasons. And then, he got the message and moved on. You didn’t see him again until Lo and Behold, your friend forwarded you his wedding website and your first thought was like DAMN! Bobo don lose 30 lbs, looks like he ate some beans and grew taller and cat damn, he proposed to his wife by flying her to the Bahamas and buying her a BMW. Internally, you just wither! You’re mentally kicking yourself like ‘O girl, you don eff up serious one o’. If only you had shaken bodi small, maybe na you for dey enjoy with a brand new beemer and a fresh tan from you vacay in the Bahamas, not to mention the blinding rock that would have been on your finger. Oh well, oh well…

Category 3:- The Ex:Once again, most of us fall into this category. Most, if not all of us have exes (Unless you’ve been living under a rock or you just lucked out and married the first man you dated). It doesn’t matter how things ended, could have been on a sour note or a good note but you run into his wedding website and you start to remember how good things were between you two. How he showed up at midnight on your doorstep with flowers in an effort to apologize for an argument y’all had, how he used to beat the nana realllll good during the make up kpansh session, how he went down south and stayed down south in the backseat of his ride that random night that y’all was feeling extra frisky, how he…..Ya dig! :DYou remember all these things, think about how the new wifey is gonna enjoy that for her lifetime and you sigh and move on.

Category 4:- The Other woman who aint know she was the other woman: Unfortunately, some of us do fall into this category. You met him on July 4, 2007 at the Naija reunion, he stepped to you and his game was tight. You were swayed and y’all got it on and poppin’. 1yr and a half later, he gave you some bullsheet reason for not wanting to carry on and it was the end of you and him. You’re still kinda salty about the way ish went down and whenever his name is mentioned, you still roll your eyes. One day, you randomly stumble across Omosewa’s blog and his wedding website is among the list of featured sites. You click on it and dammit! You can’t believe what you are reading. His how we met story says that he met his fiancée on that same July 4, 2007 and they have dated ever since.You are SPEECHLESS and very much saddened by the trifling nature of men in this present day and age…
And there you have it. I think I have covered the 4 main categories but if any others spring to mind, feel free to add.

Mgbeke is bizack!!!

PS:- Shoutouts to the Illmatic one for kinda, sorta inspiring this post.

Quintessence of Me

These kind of encouraging notes never get old to me. And I just had to post this one 'cos it's an original one, written by a dear friend of mine.

Enjoy!

Don’t Ever Forget That You Are Special… Don’t ever forget that you are unique. Be your best self and not an imitation of someone else. Find your strengths and use them in a positive way.

Don’t listen to those who ridicule the choices you make. Travel the road that you have chosen and don’t look back with regret. You have to take chances to make your dreams happen. Remember that there is plenty of time to travel another road – and still another in your journey through life. Take the time to find the route that is right for you. You will learn something valuable from every trip you take, so don’t be afraid to make mistakes.

Make friends who respect your true self. Take the time to be alone, so you can know how terrific your own company can be. Remember that being alone doesn’t always mean being lonely; it can be a beautiful experience of finding your creativity, your heartfelt feelings, and the calm and quiet peace deep inside you.

Be open minded, "shamelessly" copy whatever qualities/character/style/swag you admire (cos in the end no ones gon say 'hey, you got that from Elle magazine'; i love your style is the only punishment you'd probably be getting!) Be careful not to loose yourself, pick out the good and be disciplined enough to discard the bad. Sow seeds of time to your endeavors; you are guaranteed to get results, always remember that time wasted can never be regained. Learn from the mistakes that those around you have made, make up your mind not to follow the same path.

Don’t tell your problems to just about any ear that cares to listen, only share it with those who will be part of the solution, give you good counsel, or who truly and genuinely care about you. Learn to heal yourself in private, forgive and move on.

No1 priority-my heart must always be at peace, if it isn’t, find a way to fix it, life is too short. Give of yourself, compliment freely, and eXpRess yourself cos unexpressed feelings never die (4real sha, they’re a pain in the neck!). Don’t get it twisted, love is a beautiful thing....:o), you’re never too old for butterflies…Make your home your sanctuary, let it exude warmth, my bed is the best place on earth...

True values are priceless. No amount of gain can make up for the loss of values. The most precious things in life are things that money just can’t buy. People with character, integrity and values are not for sale....

Most ImPoRtantly; Never leave home without a word from God, prayer and praise is ALL you need to achieve anything... AnyThinG!!

At this moment...

...I'm curled up in bed listening to my Love Jones soundtrack. (I can't get enough of this album)
I'm clean. I smell like Johnson's baby lotion.
I'm thinking that I am tired of putting any form or manner of effort into this thing called dating. I just want to be.
I'm Okay.
I'm adding more songs to my 'happy days' playlist. My favorite song on this playlist is 'Just dance' by Lady Gaga. It really makes me wanna drop everything and...just dance.
I'm contemplating buying that dress off the old navy website. Nyeh..maybe not.
I'm reliving the weekend and thinking that I had a blast.
I feel kinda optimistic about the future.
I'm re-evaluating some relationships.
I'm replaying Xscape's 'In the rain' for the 3rd time.
I'm wondering what destination I'll pick for my next vacay trip.
I'm thinking that i should unpack. But I don't feel like it.
I'm nursing a slight headache.
I'm missing my sister dearest.
I'm missing my heartbeat.
I'm wishing both of them were closer to me...geographically.
I'm making a mental note to blog more often.

:-)

'A God Fearing Man'

Typical question:- 'What are you looking for in a man?'
Typical answer:- 'He must be tall, handsome, God fearing.....'

Which leads me to ask. What is a God fearing man? Is a God fearing man= A Born again christian?
And I only ask because half the Individuals that be requiring God fearing men don't necessarily appear to be God fearing women themselves. So you want a 'God fearing man' that will fear God and still be kpanshing you every night?
I mean...I'm confused.
Then again, I've been accused of approaching the matter of religion in a strictly black or white way. There are no gray areas for me. It is what it is...

For instance, when people ask me why I don't go to church...this is always my reply---> I don't see the point of going to church if you're not a born again christian/do not plan on giving your life to christ any time soon. Very black POV, I imagine but like I said...it is what it is.
I mean, you go to church on sunday and you praise God, pray for forgiveness, dance and show off your new shoe and bag. Go home and fall into your same ol', same ol' routine and round and round we go. What's the point?
Make I kuku sleep in on sunday morning na....
Oh yeah, people have tried to counter that lil argument of mine with 'Going to church uplifts your spirit and you just never know, you might be touched that day and turn your life over to God'...True that! I can't argue that..it could happen.

So as you can imagine..a 'God fearing man' has never been my top 10 of must have characteristics in a man if God fearing indeed= Born again Christian which I only imagine that it can.

The end.